View Full Version : BANFICTION: Chat and Games of Thrones
Queen Josei Lezsister surveyed the bleak grey castle rising ahead of her with a face as unreadable as Mokkajava's handwriting after she'd been on another binge. She rode beside her husband, the great King James of House Banthemall. With them were her children, Gypsygoffrey, Tømmen and Smithyrcella and an enormous procession of knights of the realm. The road north was near enough deserted; everyone was on their best behaviour as they feared the almighty power of their King and Queen. They were to discuss matters with Nate Stark and his wife, lady Caitlin, regarding the safety of the kingdom. The exiled Swan Princess, Rose McGowan of House Targayformen was rumoured to be amassing an army to be reckoned with and they needed to plan ahead for the impending war.
Queen Josei had heard all about Nate Stark from her husband who admired the man as a fellow compatriot of war. She had not been Queen when James and Nate had stormed the TiBB Towers and slain the Mad King Mark; but her twin sister Niamhie Lezsister had been - the Kinglayer they'd called her, she'd sexed the king to death. Their father, the tyrant Lezsister had married her off to James Banthemall to unite their houses and bring the Lezsisters into the fold; though the marriage had been an unhappy one. She mulled over her thoughts as they approached the gates of the castle and decided to put them to the back of her mind for now.
---
Rose McGowan stared wistfully at the waves lapping the shore. Her clothes were filthy and her husband, Khal Novo, was busy teaching another twink a lesson for defying him. She was the Swan Princess, bound one day to become the Swan Queen, but the usurpers James Banthemall and Josei Lezsister had conspired to exile her to the land of the banned in the east. Every so often they encountered ghouls who had been doomed to roam these lands for eternity - horrible creatures that shrieked battle cries that sounded oddly like names to Rose's untrained ears - Stacey! Salman! Setanta! - but she understood none of these barbarian languages - words like "football" and "sport" cropped up a lot but she had no idea what they meant. She yearned for the days when she could speak the native filthy tongue that her daddy, the bear Dom Top of House Targayformen had taught her - filthy bottom bitches know best, Rose - she could hear him now, she could see his face even, all handlebar moustached and adorned with sunglasses and a slutty policeman's uniform.
She would return to TiBB one day and reclaim her rightful place in her homeland, she had vowed, but the months and years had crept up on her and she feared that time was running out.
---
Shaun Snow was bloody freezing. They'd had him standing at this flimsy gate at the foot of the garden for hours now, shooing away wild things from the freshly painted wood.
"My son, this is a noble task, carried out by generations of my kin for centuries," Nate Stark had told him.
"But I'm not your kin, I'm a bastard!" Shaun had angrily shouted at his father.
"You will not talk to my husband in that way!" Lady Caitlin had thundered and Shaun Snow had cowered away from her.
"Butch dyke." He muttered as they walked away. He was a bastard, only half as fierce as his brothers and sisters, he would never truly be one of them. He looked sad as his uncle Benjamin approached him from the rear, taking him by surprise.
"Uncle Benjamin!" Shaun cried out in pleasure.
"Call me daddy," Benjamin responded quietly, acknowledging his paternal role in Shaun Snow's life in lieu of Nate's own lack of responsibility.
"Yes daddy!" Shaun's willingness was plain for all to see, earning a disgusted look from Lady Caitlin.
"Boy, I want to take you over the wall." Benjamin exclaimed.
"Yes, take me anywhere! I'll do whatever you want!" Shaun had tears in his eyes.
"Good, then I shall ride you over the wall at the break of dawn." Ben pulled away and walked off, leaving Shaun breathless with excitement.
"Nate, I'm all for Shaun Snow and your ****ing brother to leave, but what of the Lezsister woman and the King? They've been here for days - I saw MTVyrioN Lezsister put his banhammer somewhere I dare not mention and his sister Niamhie Lezsister is so arrogant I could cut a bitch." She dared not mention her feelings towards the children - Gypsygoffrey and Smithyrcella in particular made her feel like a Monster in her own Haus, it was driving her GaGa.
"My lady Caitlin, we must be patient. They'll be on their way soon enough... but I'm afraid I must accept the Hand job that King James has offered me."
"Nate, you know this is madness, that Hand job will kill you!"
"I can't refuse, he's the King - and it's still the Hand job, it would be a great honour to receive this from the King." Nate couldn't hide the faint smile playing on his lips.
"You listen to me Nate Stark - I am no fool - that Hand job will change our lives forever, it will be the death of you, our marriage; our children will never be the same again and it will evoke the wrath of Queen Josei - she may be a Lezsister but she does not want the King to give you the Hand job!" Caitlin's words were heavy with dread.
"I must - it's my duty." Nate gave his final word on the matter. "Now I must leave, my King needs me."
---
to be continued...?
Shaun
29-05-2015, 03:30 PM
:joker:
:worship:
I refuse to believe you read all of that in one minute but ty :love:
Kizzy
29-05-2015, 03:36 PM
I read it but I'm not in it so I hate it...
(jk it's great well done x)
Shaun
29-05-2015, 03:43 PM
I refuse to believe you read all of that in one minute but ty :love:
you know by now that everyone scans for their own inclusion and then replies with a worship emoji before reading it
Niamh.
29-05-2015, 03:45 PM
:laugh2: brilliant
Niamh.
29-05-2015, 03:46 PM
you know by now that everyone scans for their own inclusion and then replies with a worship emoji before reading it
I actually read it all :idc:
Natalie.
29-05-2015, 03:47 PM
I love it :laugh2:
Jessica.
29-05-2015, 03:52 PM
:joker: That's brilliant.
Well, Gregory, I have to say that this is quite a fantastic story. But there is one problem I'm having with it.
IT'S NOT YOUR ****ING STORY.
I don't know who you are or how you've found this, but this story was completely, 100% written by ME and NOT YOU. To all the people who have been reading, I would just like to say that Z has completely plagiarized this entire story, word for word, from me, without my permission, and is passing it off as her own writing.
I find this to be the biggest insult imaginable, especially when I have worked so hard coming up with these characters and storylines all on my own. I do not appreciate my work being stolen and I ask you to stop posting this, right now.
Sincerely,
-Tøm
Firewire
29-05-2015, 04:31 PM
okay...
Fetch The Bolt Cutters
29-05-2015, 04:31 PM
:joker::joker:
this is amazing :flutter:
Fetch The Bolt Cutters
29-05-2015, 04:34 PM
Well, Gregory, I have to say that this is quite a fantastic story. But there is one problem I'm having with it.
IT'S NOT YOUR ****ING STORY.
I don't know who you are or how you've found this, but this story was completely, 100% written by ME and NOT YOU. To all the people who have been reading, I would just like to say that Z has completely plagiarized this entire story, word for word, from me, without my permission, and is passing it off as her own writing.
I find this to be the biggest insult imaginable, especially when I have worked so hard coming up with these characters and storylines all on my own. I do not appreciate my work being stolen and I ask you to stop posting this, right now.
Sincerely,
-Tøm
http://31.media.tumblr.com/0d615a912365cfe3f45aabf635dc2715/tumblr_inline_n9e3xlspMx1qhebd8.gif
Tom4784
29-05-2015, 04:38 PM
Giving everyone GoT inspired names and leaving Scott as Rose McGowan is an inspired touch.
Glenn.
29-05-2015, 04:51 PM
Perched for rose to fly into the lounge on Marshgos back
Mokka
29-05-2015, 06:03 PM
:laugh3:
Oh please please please please.... Pleeeease continue it :amazed:
:worship: :worship: :worship:
okay...
http://31.media.tumblr.com/0d615a912365cfe3f45aabf635dc2715/tumblr_inline_n9e3xlspMx1qhebd8.gif
omg do you not get the reference?
goodbye
Omg this is fantastic Zee :amazed: MOAR!
Tom creeping around the forum and pasting posts from years ago? :hee:
Niamh.
29-05-2015, 07:24 PM
Well, Gregory, I have to say that this is quite a fantastic story. But there is one problem I'm having with it.
IT'S NOT YOUR ****ING STORY.
I don't know who you are or how you've found this, but this story was completely, 100% written by ME and NOT YOU. To all the people who have been reading, I would just like to say that Z has completely plagiarized this entire story, word for word, from me, without my permission, and is passing it off as her own writing.
I find this to be the biggest insult imaginable, especially when I have worked so hard coming up with these characters and storylines all on my own. I do not appreciate my work being stolen and I ask you to stop posting this, right now.
Sincerely,
-Tøm
Zamanda :fan:
"Ser Josiah, bring me my fagon eggs," Rose McGowan lazily gestured towards her prized eggs. Josiah sashayed over to the rainbow coloured trunk and minced his way back to the Khaleesi.
"Khaleesi, these fagons will never be born, the world has long been rid of such flamboyant creatures," Ser Josiah began, but he was cut off by the Swan Princess.
"I am Rose McGowan, the one day Swan Queen, I command armies and the dancefloor when I step in the room - these fagons shall rise one day and I will be their fag mother!" Rose said fiercely. The witch Kizzy Maz Duur had argued Khal Novo to death and a funeral pyre had been set up to kill her. Ser Josiah and the Swan Princess both had massive tents but they left them behind, forgotten, as they looked upon the scene. One of her faithful soldiers handed her a flaming torch.
"Good night my sweet prince," she kissed Khal Novo on the forehead, before turning to the witch. "You will burn in hell for eternity for what you did to my beloved."
"http://www.aladdin.st/bilder/361-4.gif" the witch replied.
"Away with you and your dark magic!" Rose declared, stepping away from the pyre and setting it ablaze. She looked at her fagon eggs and a thought occurred to her.
"Ser Josiah, pass me my fagon eggs!"
Josiah did as he was told this time, and Rose picked one of them up. This one was dark purple in colour with pink swirls lightly dusted across the surface. She couldn't help but admire its b- SHE THREW IT IN THE FIRE!!!! AND THE OTHER TWO AS WELL!!!!!!!!!!!
The witch Kizzy Maz Duur screamed as she burnt at the stake, but her squeals were drowned out by the ominous sound of cracks (lol) as three baby fagons were born from the ashes. Ser Josiah gasped, and said "gasp!", and Rose McGowan stared in wonder as her three children were born.
"Moootherrrrrrrrr!" simpered the first.
The second merely stared at her, a malice behind its eyes.
"IYERRRRR!" shrieked the third.
"Khaleesi..." Ser Josiah backed away, unable to find the words.
"My children... they are born... I shall name them Firewiria, LeatherTrumpetos and Lucarion" Rose's eyes lit up as her three fagons minced through the flames towards her.
---
"You are men of the night now. You serve only as men of the night, you swear no allegiance to any other house but ours. You will not love, you will not bear children, you will not marry. You have left your old life behind. You will live out the rest of your days here and you will do as you are told. Do you understand me?" Grand Pimpster Marshmont said, twirling a cane. He jabbed it at Shaun Snow's chest.
"You're worth more than all the rest of them combined, Snow, you know what I'll get for the likes of you? Hundreds!"
Shaun Snow tried his best to not cry again but it was hard not to - his uncle Benjamin had sold him into sex slavery - how would he ever get home? He thought about his brother Locke Stark, his father's ward Brother Leon Greyjoy, his sisters Saphsa and aristya Stark, and his little brothers LemonBran and Patrickon Stark. He wondered if he'd ever see them again and if they would miss him or if he really was condemned to the life of a bastard ***** with no family and no hope. He was abruptly snatched from his thoughts as Marshmont pimp slapped him. Shaun fell to the ground.
"You wear nothing, Shaun Snow."
Shaun Snow shivered as the Grand Pimp stripped her of her dignity.
---
Josei Lezsister and her twin sister Niamhie were having a hot make out sesh in a tower when the little lord, LemonBran, walked in on them.
"Aw ****e ye cannae fockin' dae 'at!" Josei barked, frightening LemonBran.
"What did ye feckin' see boy?" Niamhie grabbed LemonBran by the scruff of the neck.
"I-I saw nothing, your lezzyships!" LemonBran stammered, terrified.
"Chuck him oot the fockin' windae Nimah!" Josei ordered.
"The thangs I do fer love!" Niamhie sighed, before throwing LemonBran out of the castle window.
"Ohhh noooooooo..." LemonBran wailed as he fell to the ground.
---
Lady Caitlin had barely left her son's side. It had been nearly a week and although LemonBran was still alive, he had been horribly disfigured by the fall - she feared he may never walk again. An assassin had even attempted to kill the boy, and with nobody but her son Locke around to help, she felt helpless. Nate had ridden south with the King's party and had taken the girls with him - Saphsa looked forward to life in the capital, aristya did not want to Live Life in the Fast Lane but Nate had insisted on taking them both away from the troubles of the north. She couldn't help but worry that the girls would be involved with the King's Hand job and hoped and prayed that Nate wouldn't let them be corrupted by the experience. She knew she had to ride south and tell him what was on her mind, but her mad sister, Lady Lilysa of the Vale, was distracting her with claims that the royal family had killed her husband. Caitlin supposed that she could travel south on the pretext of telling her husband this information and subtly hint that she didn't want her daughters to experience the King's Hand job at the same time. She had a funny feeling that the Queen's brother, the chump, MTVyrioN Lezsister, had something to do with all of this - but that's only because he liked cricket - there had to be something wrong with him, right?
---
MTVyrioN Lezsister had travelled north to see the men of the night for himself. It had been a while since he'd lain with anyone and he wanted to sample the delicacies that Grand Pimp Marshmont had to offer. His eyes fell upon Shaun Snow and a smirk played on his lips.
"Now what is the bastard son of Nate Stark doing in a place like this?" He asked.
"I brought him here myself, my lord." Benjamin Stark bowed his head.
"Oh please, spare me the titles, Gaylord will do." MTVyrioN laughed.
"As you wish, Gaylord. Would you like to be the first to put your foot in this fresh Snow?"
"A moment or two alone would be nice, yes."
Shaun looked like he had post traumatic stress disorder before MTVyrioN closed the door but was surprised when the chump turned around and asked him to be seated and poured them both a drink.
"My dear Shaun Snow, I am not going to rape you. I merely came here to see what all the fuss was about, I have no interest in being the first to violate you - my brother in law, the King, holds your family dear and no matter how much of a bastard you are, that means something to me. I bring you terrible news - your brother, LemonBran, has been in a terrible accident and I fear he may never walk again. You may have a lot in common with him, come to think of it, if you're sold to the wrong man." MTVyrioN chuckled.
"No!" Shaun shouted. "Not LemonBran! I need to see him! I need to go home!"
"You know nothing, Shaun Snow. You can't leave here, you belong to the men of the night now. There is no escape. I could pass on a message if you'd like?"
"Tell him... tell him I love him and I miss him and I'm a prisoner of the men of the night and I'm afraid that they're going to violate me a-" Shaun began, but the chump cut him off.
"Please, my memory is short and so am I. I'll pass on what little of your message I can remember. Enjoy the wine, it may be your last for some time." MTVyrioN patted Shaun Snow on the back. "Don't look so sad, it could be worse! I'm not sure how, but I'm sure it could. Good day to you!" The chump sauntered from the room and left Shaun Snow shaking in a flood of tears.
---
Who would do this to my son? Nate Stark paced the room worriedly. He had been terrible at the Hand job so far and the King was not best pleased. The Queen looked pretty smug about it but he supposed she would be, she knew he wasn't as good as her where the King was concerned. James Banthemall's brother Glennly had warned him about her, though Nate figured that was because Glennly was a bitter queen who wished he was the real Queen. It was an open secret that Glennly was in an illicit gay relationship with Thomas C Tyrell and had been married off to Thomas' sister/carer Marge in an arranged ceremony to keep up appearances. Nate cared not for idle gossip, but he felt he was close to stumbling on the truth - mostly because the truth was always crouched down trying to trip him up so he'd fall down the castle steps.
Nate's daughter Saphsa was betrothed to Prince Gypsygoffrey and she couldn't have been more in love - at first she'd been a little bit unsure about the proposed marriage but she'd been assured that Gypsygoffrey was from a long line of Lezsisters and it was totally normal and not in any way against what God intended and if she wanted to rock a chain on her jeans and wear a lumberjack shirt and shave half her hair off into a mullet and put on four stone and be aggressive then that was her decision and hers to make alone. Saphsa's little sister aristya couldn't have been any more different. She was often being reprimanded for her lecherous comments - "That's it Honey" she'd catcall after the handmaidens. Saphsa was so frustrated with her sister - why couldn't she be like her, a lipstick Lezsister-to-be? aristya wanted to have a sword like her brothers so she could poke kitchen wenches with it, she had no interest in being a lady, much to Saphsa's chagrin.
"You are so annoying!!" Saphsa snapped at her sister.
"Get Down and Funky, watch out for them Junkies." aristya stuck her tongue out at her sister, leaping out of her reach.
"URGH!!!"
"Girls, stop it." Nate sighed, and they both did. "Someone tried to kill your brother and I have a feeling that it's got something to do with the King's Hand job - someone was jealous, maybe. I don't know. I just can't figure it out. I don't like Gypsygoffrey and I don't like what this arranged marriage is doing to you, Saphsa, you never used to like P!nk and I don't remember allowing you to get snakebite piercings either."
"I LOVE PRINCE GYPSYGOFFREY YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!!! GYPSYGOFFREY IS NOTHING LIKE THE KING, SHE'S GOT A SENSE OF HUMOUR AND SHE ENTERS EUROVISION EVERY YEAR!" Saphsa stormed from the room.
Nothing like the king... a thought dawned on Nate. Funny how the mind of a child could see what an adult mind could not. He made his way to the Queen's chambers.
Smithy
29-05-2015, 07:29 PM
The witch Kizzy Maz Duur had argued Khal Novo to death
ffs :joker: :joker:
Niamh.
29-05-2015, 07:42 PM
Omg this is good Greg, Thomas tyrell and Marge, genius :fan:
Mokka
29-05-2015, 07:50 PM
:laugh3: :laugh3:
This is honestly the funniest thing I have read in forever ...
It needs to never end :fan:
Glenn.
29-05-2015, 07:59 PM
Omfg Glennly is a bitter queen tbf
"I know the truth about your children." Nate challenged Josei.
"I know how to design graphics, so what?" Josei shrugged nonchalantly.
"They aren't James Banthemall's children, are they? They're Niamhie's."
"Nimah and I are one soul in two bodies and sometimes we put those two bodies and that one soul together and two plus one equals three - three children."
"So you don't deny it?" Nate raised an eyebrow.
"No. I'm not ashamed. But know this, Nate Stark, when you play the chat and games of thrones, you win by PMing other people for votes, or you die."
Nate had stumbled upon the truth. It was quite sore but he'd only tripped down three steps - he stabbed the truth with his sword in revenge and watched the ****er bleed. He had been preparing himself for telling King James when he heard the news - the King had died trying to perma-ban a troll. Nate rushed to be by James' side and had found Josei there, all fake concern on her face. He couldn't believe his eyes - why hadn't she fled? Why was she still here? What did she mean to do? He crouched beside the King.
"Ah Nate, I knew they'd get me one day. You'd think I'd have learned after the social groups guy, you can't kill that which doesn't have a life in the first place."
"James... I can't believe this, is this really happening?"
"I want you to write down my will and testament. Everyone get out! Yes, you too woman, get out!" the King ordered the Queen and the assorted help out of the room.
"So..." Nate looked afraid.
"I'm scared of what Gypsygoffrey will do on the throne, Nate, so I want you to be the protector of the realm until she comes of age. Never trust a dyke that butch, she was the only one voting for Lucy Spraggan on the X Factor I'm telling you - cost the realm a fortune."
"I will do my best, my King..." the words died in Nate's throat, he couldn't bear to give him the news that Gypsygoffrey wasn't his, she was born of an incestuous lesbian relationship. Like attracts like and lesbians attract other lesbians, he thought to himself.
"Now write - you know how it goes, all the titles, yes..."
---
Shaun Snow had proven very good in training - he was the only man of the night who could handle a sword properly; his grip was impeccable and he could handle two at one time, even! Some of his fellow trainees weren't so adept - but Shaun himself was doing very well, much to the annoyance of Vanessalliser Thorne. She kept shouting that Shaun was not her Luke Friend, which Shaun didn't quite understand but ignored anyway. He had bigger things to worry about, like the swords in front of his face. He batted them away with a giggle. His uncle Benjamin had gone north to see if he could pick up any stray boys but hadn't returned - he'd been gone for weeks and there was concern that he'd been killed by a vigilante group. A search party was being prepared to go after him and Shaun wanted to be on it - but Grand Pimp Marshmont wasn't having any of it.
"Your place is here, boy, you're not ready to take on the men of the north - they're wild, animalistic, they'll split you in half and eat you when they're done - something we'd normally charge extra for but I'm talking in the cannibal sense. They're insane. You don't want to encounter them. Your uncle is lost to the north, it's a pity, he was great at his job - the BBC will never know how great, he was that good. He made Savile look like an amateur."
"I need to find him, you don't understand, I need to see him again and ask him why he did this to me. I loved him, I trusted him!" Shaun cried.
"That's how we always get 'em Shaun Snow, you know nothing!" Marshmont angrily struck Shaun - he was wearing a ring of gold plastic and it left a mark under Shaun's right eye.
Nonetheless, Shaun Snow went north of the wall with the party sent out to find his uncle. They found a wild woman, Billygritte and took her prisoner - she mocked Shaun Snow for being a virgin ***** and he pouted at her for most of the journey. Her responses were either "LMAO!" or "You know nothing, Shaun Snow LMAO" which annoyed him. They were ambushed by a group of wild north men and all bar Shaun Snow were slain, because of course he didn't die, he's a main character, stupid. He feared for his life and his virgin hole.
---
Rose McGowan watched her fagons twirl through the sky with her trusted advisor Ser Josiah by her side. Lucarion was the campest, whistling IYERRRR and being loud at all times - whilst Firewiria was the sassiest, snapping ha fingers and burning everyone she saw, like oh snap. LeatherTrumpetos was different from the others, he was the meanest, sometimes Rose worried that she wasn't like the others at all - perhaps he was not a true fagon after all - he was the hardest to control and was prone to spilling wine on himself. Still, her fagons would help her reclaim what was rightfully hers, she was sure of it.
---
MTVyrioN Lezsister had gone into the nearest Wetherspoons to watch the cricket because he was a basic bitch when he found himself in a spot of bother - Lady Caitlin Stark was there too drinking cider blacks and letting her inner lesbian come out while her husband was away. She'd spotted the chump and had taken him prisoner with the help of the biker dykes of Lesbos and had headed north to see her sister Lady Lilysa, captive in tow. The sellsword, Bronnzors, rode with them. The Mad Lady Lilysa and her freak son sat on the throne as the guests arrived. Lilysa had her massive chebs out and her son was sucking on them, despite being 19 years old. Caitlin winced at the scene.
"Sister! You honour me with your visit." Lilysa called out.
"Sister, it has been too long." Caitlin lied.
"You have brought the chump! He killed my husband!" Lilysa glared at the small man - MTVyrioN winked back at her. "And he likes cricket! He must die!"
"I demand a trial by walkway, my lady." MTVyrioN responded, earning mocking laughs from the crowd. "I choose my champion - Bronnzors, will you do me the honzors?"
"Loool" Bronnzors posed, sashaying down the runway with elegance and poise. The court's champion paled in significance and was ejected through the moon door. Yay! MTVyrioN was free to go.
"You have made a grave mistake, sister!" Caitlin stated gravely.
"It is you who have made the mistake, sister!" Lilysa replied.
"In what way?"
"In SHUT UP, that's what way!"
MTVyrioN and Bronnzors, an unlikely duo if ever there was one, made their way south, wondering what lay ahead.
---
The King's council had struck again - Lord Liviafinger had double crossed Nate Stark and had helped Queen Josei arrest Nate Stark and had him thrown in the dungeons; but Lord Vickys had snuck in to visit him and bring him news of the outside world - life had gone on but Saphsa was being slapped about for being a silly bitch and aristya had done a runner. Nate didn't know what to think. Saphsa had begged for his life and had been promised that Nate would be treated with mercy, but he knew that Gypsygoffrey was a Kelly Clarkson fan and would be really into angsty revenge anthems and didn't rate his chances of surviving for much longer.
"What should I do, Lord Vickys?" Nate asked.
"Dunno m8, there's not much love for me 'round these parts, I just get on with it tbh."
"What does Grand Marc Pycelle think?"
"Who cares, that bitch is old and irrelevant."
"True tbh."
"Tbh."
Vickys left him in the dark once more and Nate didn't see sunlight again until his trial.
"My mother, Queen Josei, and my betrothed, Saphsa, have begged for mercy for this man... but I say no mercy to no man! I hate men! They take good snatch and ruin it with child birth - I say no more! Off with this traitor's head!" She jeered, causing the crowd to cheer and boo with equal ferocity. Little aristya Stark was watching from the crowd and looked up ASDAWalmart deals for TVs that would show him the decapitation in the best quality for the cheapest price, while Saphsa stood on the platform and fell to her knees and hummed a k.d. lang song to calm herself. Josei's usually expressionless face looked troubled for a mere moment but regained its usual composure as Nate's head left its body.
---
"I am the true King!" Glennly Banthemall stood staring at himself in the mirror, his lover Thomas C Tyrell stood behind him. They were both naked - they were lovers. Glennly admired himself in the mirror while Thomas ran behind a curtain and hurriedly threw on a dress and some lippy. He trotted out with one high heel on, trying to get the other on, and became his "sister" Marge.
"Oh my King, you are so gallant and brave!"
"Thank you, my Queen." Glennly smirked.
"Tell me I'm beautiful, I'm beautiful, am I not?"
"The fairest maiden in the land - but I'm afraid we cannot be man and wife proper... I... I can't have sex with you, I'm in love with your brother."
"No worries Glennly, it's still me." Thomas said in a loud whisper.
"Ffs I know, play along!" Glennly hissed back.
"Ah, yes, of course, sorry. Right. My lord, I don't mind, we could get my brother in here to get you going if that would please you?"
"OMG no that's disgusting!" Glennly feigned horror.
His loyal servant, Ammienne of Tarth knocked on the door.
"My lady, do come in." Princess Marge called out.
"My lord, my lady, I have Lady Caitlin Stark here to see you."
"I'll be leaving then." Marge picked up her pants and left the room. Lady Caitlin entered and greeted Glennly.
Suddenly, a shadowy figure with the face of Icemannis Banthemall entered the room and stabbed Glennly to death!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ammienne of Tarth and Caitlin Stark fled the scene of Glennly's death, terrified and alone. Also, Locke Stark defeated Niamhie Lezsister in battle and took her prisoner!!!!!!!!
Glenn.
29-05-2015, 10:03 PM
Gone too soon</3
Mokka
29-05-2015, 10:28 PM
the King had died trying to perma-ban a troll. :laugh2:
You'd think I'd have learned after the social groups guy, you can't kill that which doesn't have a life in the first place." :laugh3:
Lilysa had her massive chebs out and her son was sucking on them, despite being 19 years old. Caitlin winced at the scene.
:laugh3: :laugh3: :laugh3:
Amy Jade
29-05-2015, 10:39 PM
omfg haha epic
arista
30-05-2015, 12:05 AM
Spiffing
Firewire
30-05-2015, 12:10 AM
there is too much for me to read can someone do an audio version
Fetch The Bolt Cutters
30-05-2015, 12:10 AM
"http://www.aladdin.st/bilder/361-4.gif" the witch replied.
it was totally normal and not in any way against what God intended and if she wanted to rock a chain on her jeans and wear a lumberjack shirt and shave half her hair off into a mullet and put on four stone and be aggressive then that was her decision and hers to make alone.
"I LOVE PRINCE GYPSYGOFFREY YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!!! GYPSYGOFFREY IS NOTHING LIKE THE KING, SHE'S GOT A SENSE OF HUMOUR AND SHE ENTERS EUROVISION EVERY YEAR!"
SCREAMING :joker:
Mokka
30-05-2015, 12:13 AM
there is too much for me to read can someone do an audio version
You flop :nono:
:laugh2:
(i need more airtime though)
Fetch The Bolt Cutters
30-05-2015, 12:22 AM
"I know the truth about your children." Nate challenged Josei.
"I know how to design graphics, so what?" Josei shrugged nonchalantly.
"I'm scared of what Gypsygoffrey will do on the throne, Nate, so I want you to be the protector of the realm until she comes of age. Never trust a dyke that butch, she was the only one voting for Lucy Spraggan on the X Factor I'm telling you - cost the realm a fortune."
"What should I do, Lord Vickys?" Nate asked.
"Dunno m8, there's not much love for me 'round these parts, I just get on with it tbh."
"What does Grand Marc Pycelle think?"
"Who cares, that bitch is old and irrelevant."
"True tbh."
"Tbh."
this is amazing omg :laugh3:
Kizzy
30-05-2015, 12:29 AM
Your work is puerile and under-dramatized. You lack any sense of structure, character and the Aristotelian unities
..OMG, this is delicious Z...:lovedup:...
..I've only read the first part so far but I'm going to sit down with a bit of cake and read it all through soon...you're a genius Lady Gregazzzzzzzealiabangedup....:flutter:...
Giving everyone GoT inspired names and leaving Scott as Rose McGowan is an inspired touch.
..:laugh:..Rose MacbethGowan though...
..and Lemonbran..:lovedup:...because he often is a bit of a regular in the mornings on here...
arista
30-05-2015, 08:24 AM
there is too much for me to read can someone do an audio version
Feck me
you want blood
Locke Stark had called upon the help of Lord Mark Waldorf Frey to help him defeat the Lezsister army in battle. The Waldorf Frey family had held the fierce Zetan fort for centuries and no army crossed the troll bridge without first paying the price in its history. Locke could think of no way past the notorious diva and his men other than to ask politely - but Waldorf Frey had hundreds of copycats in his service that he wished rid of. Lady Caitlin offered to go in Locke's place in order to secure a better deal, and so she rode forth.
"Lady Caitlin... you were of house Ninastar when I last saw you." Waldorf Frey said.
"That was in the past, my Lord, we are in times of Chaos now." Caitlin deadpanned.
"Indeed... now what is it you want from me? I'm an old, tired has-been."
"I know, my Lord, but your post count is high and your name was useful for this pun." Caitlin begged.
"Well, get on with it then. No one remembers my personality even though I was the original Weave, long before Weaves existed." Waldorf sighed.
"We mean to cross the bridge, with your permission, of course."
"As if!" Mark Waldorf Frey laughed humourlessly. "You can only cross if I can make you take some of these fierce bitches off my hands and turn them into fierce Queens in the north."
"Is there no other alternative?" Caitlin asked, looking nervously at Waldorf's ugliest hanger-ons with some disdain.
"No. It's Hugo or you go."
"Fine. We shall honour the agreement upon our return."
"That seems like a really stupid way of doing it but okay sure."
The Stark army marched south.
---
Icemannis Banthemall stared into the flames as the Mystic Mock rubbed her naked body against him and whispered into his ear.
"No one can tell if I'm Irish or European or why I keep talking about the Lord of Light." Mock whispered in his ear.
"I am the one true King, you said it yourself." Icemannis replied.
"Yes my King, you are. Look at my nipples."
"When will I be King?"
"Look into the flames and then look at my naked body. The flames and then my body. Look deep into my body and then at the flames. The Lord of Light and the flames and my naked body."
"We must attack soon. Every passing day my chances of claiming the throne fade away - and my damn brother Glennly thinks he can challenge me."
"Glennly is dead, my naked body sent an assassin and also I'm naked."
"Oh okay. What of his wife, Marge?"
"**** knows what that's all about."
"Aye, true enough Mystic Mock, true enough."
---
Lady Marge/Lord Thomas C Tyrell and her/his people had long retreated to the Tyrell stronghold - but soon headed to the capital with her grandmother Oglenna.
"Grandmother, isn't it strange how you look exactly like Glennly Banthemall but wearing a do-rag/nun costume thingy?" Marge asked.
"I AM THE QUEEN OF THORNS!" Oglenna bellowed.
"Yes but you look an awful lot like my deceased husband..."
"YOU LOOK LIKE A MAN IN A DRESS!" Oglenna shrieked.
"So do you!!!" Marge fired back.
"SHUT THE **** UP!"
"Why are we going to the capital again?"
"To marry you off to Gypsygoffrey Banthemall so you can be Queen."
"Ooh goody!"
"Shut up. Tart." Oglenna shot down her granddaughter's good mood.
---
MTVyrioN Lezsister and the sellsword Bronnzors had returned to the capital and were ready for the coming battle with Icemannis Banthemall. Icemannis had sent a fleet of hundreds of ships to storm the coast and the Queen Josei Lezsister had prepared for the battle by issuing bans for anyone they could hit them with - great warriors like Salman, MeMyselfandI and ~Sam~ were struck in the battle and were thrown into the abyss. Josei Lezsister couldn't help but smile - but the King Gypsygoffrey was blatantly afraid.
"THEY'RE NOT DYING!!!" She shrieked.
"They're not supposed to, my love, just a mere ban..." Josei began but her daughter slapped her away.
"I WANT THEM ALL TO DIE! KILL ICEMANNIS BANTHEMALL AND HIS TRAITORS!"
"Is that on The Truth About Love or Missundaztood?" MTVyrioN asked quietly, earning a chuckle from Sticks, the King's personal guard - often called The Hound because **** you that's why.
"SHUT UP CHUMP! I'LL HAVE YOU KILLED TOO!" Gypsygoffrey punched MTVyrioN in the arm.
"**** the King!" Sticks declared and walked away.
Icemannis and his army were defeated but the man himself escaped back to Fagonstone, the ancestral lands of the Targayformen.
---
Rose McGowan of House Targayformen and her fagons were guests of the free city of Queerth. Many Gaylords had tried to court her and her fagons but none had succeeded (apart from most of them but what's a thirsty bitch to do other than drink. that. tea. Is the juice worth the squeeze? You bet your ass it is.) - she was here to raise an army after the death of her beloved Khal Novo but she was finding it hard to do so - Enid of the House of the Undying kept giving her creepy looks and her fagons had gone missing; she had no idea what to do. Rose threw a bitch fit and got her fagons back eventually and they were on their way to their next adventure.
---
Locke Stark's army was dwindling and he needed help. The Lezsister army, led by Dezzywin Lezsister, had slowly but surely pushed them back to Lord Waldorf Frey's toll bridge. Locke knew he had to ask Waldorf Frey for help but he'd already taken a fierce bitch of his own to be the Queen of the north, breaking the pact he'd made with Waldorf Frey. After some debate, it was agreed that Eddrew of House Ninastar, his uncle, would marry Hugo Waldorf Frey - some of the Stark men giggled that he should be called Waldorf Gay - and though Eddrew was unwilling, he did his duty.
The wedding feast was glorious and also murderous - aristya Stark and Sticks the Hound were on their way to reunite aristya with her mother Caitlin and brother Locke when the Waldorf Freys and reece(: Bolton betrayed them and murdered them with arrows and knives and sass.
"Waldorf Gay they called me - the Gay Lord Waldorf Gay. Ha! Look who's gay and dead now, Caitlin Stark! **** you and your army! And you, Locke Stark, you think you can take some nobody as your Fierce Queen and defy me! You're a damn fool. I hope you both rot in hell. Let's stitch a picture of Britney Spears to his body and send his head to the King!" the Waldorf Frey men whooped and clicked their fingers in a zed formation.
---
Dezzywin Lezsister heard the news that his ruse had been successful. The Stark boy was dead. He smiled and stroked his ban hammer thoughtfully as he wrote the letter declaring reece(: Bolton the Warden of the North to replace the Stark family and Mark Waldorf Frey as the Warden of the Riverlands, replacing the Ninastar family.
MTVyrioN Lezsister burst into the room and declared his father a coward; his father ushered him out of the room with the wave of a hand and called him a messy fag.
---
Saphsa Stark led the life of a prisoner. Yes she was free to roam the gardens - heavily under guard, of course - but she had no friends, nobody to talk to. She missed her family but they were all long gone. She thought of her brother LemonBran the cripple, little Patrickon who loved to wear guyliner. She wondered what had become of her weird sister aristya who loved Walmart. She wondered if her mother Caitlin and her brother Locke were coming to rescue her from this hell hole soon. She wondered what the afterlife was like and if her father Nate was at peace. She wondered if Shaun Snow was happy in the north with their uncle Benjamin - she'd never much liked Shaun Snow but she wondered if he was happier than them all and if he hadn't made the right decision after all.
---
Shaun Snow had been brutally violated by the many men from beyond the wall. Billygritte had seen to that - LMAO! - he was a prisoner facing a fate worse than death, worse than the wall. He'd heard their mutterings about the ****e Talkers - permanently banned users who longed to cross the border and return to TiBB and couldn't let go of the fact that they were no longer welcome. He'd heard that the exiled Swan Princess, Rose McGowan, was raising an army in lands to the east; he'd heard that his father Nate had been beheaded by the boy King Gypsygoffrey. At that moment, he'd known that all was lost - he would never be rescued, he had to be his own hero now.
---
The Swan Princess had marched upon Asstapor and Yungboy and had liberated hundreds of thousands of sex slaves - she'd delighted in seeing the sheer amount of leather crotchless clothes had come into her possession as a result and she now dressed her rented boy army in boxer briefs more befitting of a queen. She vowed that she would storm the TiBB Towers soon, her glorious return would be welcomed by the people and she would banish the Usurpers to hell. Her fagons would make sure of that - Firewiria grew more graceful and bitchy by the day; Lucarion's mannerisms grew camper and his personality more marmite and LeatherTrumpetos became wittier and meaner - somehow less fagon-like - she was confident that when she declared a flame war and dished out some sick burns, she'd retake what was rightfully hers.
Honestly this stuff writes itself
Amy Jade
30-05-2015, 10:51 AM
so so good, you're honestly a really great writer
Tom4784
30-05-2015, 02:51 PM
Dead at all of this, it's amazing.
Glenn.
30-05-2015, 03:08 PM
Rose for the Iron Throne.
This is so good :love:
(Am I dead or something, where am I???)
Mokka
30-05-2015, 03:28 PM
:clap1: :clap1: :clap1:
Another funny ass instalment...
Not Z set up to give us an ending before GRR Martin does :hehe:
Leon Greyjoy had taken Winterfell and had chased the crippled LemonBran and the youngest Stark, Patrickon, out of the castle. He had tried to maintain his grip on the stronghold but he was quickly overpowered and taken hostage by reece(: Bolton. He'd soon found himself being tortured by Ramsay Sligo - an Irish sounding bastard son of reece(: who took pleasure in flaying his captives alive. He'd stolen Leon's password and posted inflammatory .GIFs and gotten him so many infraction points that he'd been banned for 3 months and Leon feared that he'd been forgotten about by his friends - even his sister CaraRawr Greyjoy hadn't come looking for him and he'd been systematically tortured into going by the name Bleak, apt considering his circumstances. Bleak followed his captor everywhere; and although Ramsay had been chastised by his father for turning the heir of the Iron Islands into a long term banned blubbering mess, he'd taken no further action. Bleak had forgotten who he had been over time and was too scared to even post in the appeals section, for fear that Ramsay would see it and punish him by creating a multi account and getting him another 3 month ban. He couldn't even remember his password anymore anyway.
---
Gypsygoffrey Banthemall was ecstatic at the rout they'd given Icemannis at the battle, despite the grunt work being carried out by his Grandfather Dezzywin Lezsister. He/she (hard to tell with that nose piercing and a Skunk Anansie CD collection that large) revelled in belittling Saphsa Stark and rubbing his betrothal to Marge Tyrell in Saphsa's face; though Saphsa had in fact befriended the Queen-to-be and her grandmother Oglenna in recent weeks. It came as a deep shock to Saphsa, then, when she was informed that she would be wedded to MTVyrioN Lezsister in an alliance that would give the Lezsisters the right to Winterfell - she'd been informed that her brother Locke and mother Caitlin had been massacred and had been devastated and wanted nothing more to do with the evil Lezsister clan, but now she was being wedded to the chump against her will. Gypsygoffrey was gleeful over this decision and enjoyed nothing more than visiting Saphsa and mocking her.
MTVyrioN wasn't happy about this union either and had conveyed as much to his bride-to-be. MTVyrioN had fallen in love with a prostitute, Amy-Jae - whom he had put into Saphsa's service as hand maiden to keep them both safe and keep an eye on them both without alerting suspicion. It was not becoming of a Lord to be associated with a prostitute and his father Dezzywin enjoyed nothing more than banning such women to the north where the Sh!te Talkers roamed. He wondered what had become of Niamhie - she had been taken prisoner by the Starks but was not to be found at the wedding massacre; where had she gone?
---
Josei had wondered much the same - her lover and sister had been missing for more than a year and she feared her dead - the mother to her children was gone and she felt alone. She had hoped that killing the Starks would bring her some happiness but it hadn't, so she'd concocted the scheme to force her brother MTVyrioN to marry Saphsa Stark. She had yet to learn that the misery of others wouldn't bring her joy, but she was in charge of the whole realm - no one was there to put her in check. No one bar her father, Dezzywin. He was an expert at the Hand job and had always done it better than she'd ever had and now he was in charge of her son's Hand job - grandfather and grandson. Gypsygoffrey was becoming hard to control, the Hand job was becoming fast paced and Gypsygoffrey demanded more and more all the time and she worried that the excitement of it all might exhaust her father - certainly the end results of Gypsygoffrey's excitement had landed on her lap on more than one occasion. They had rushed ahead with the MTVyrioN-Saphsa wedding in order to make way for the royal wedding of Gypsygoffrey to Marge; and the day was fast approaching.
---
Niamhie Lezsister and Ammienne of Tarth had formed an unusual bond on their travels back to TiBB Towers - originally staunchly against the captive; Ammienne had felt duty bound to Caitlin Stark but had since heard of Lady Stark's death and knew that her only mission was to get Saphsa and aristya to safety as she had promised the Lady she would. Upon returning to the capital, they'd found that aristya Stark hadn't been seen in years and was presumed dead - and Saphsa Stark had been wedded to the chump MTVyrioN. Ammienne knew it would be nigh on impossible to rescue the young girl now but Niamhie knew how important it was to her to rescue the girl and she vowed to help in whatever way she could.
Niamhie's reunion with Josei was cold, to say the least. Josei coldly reprimanded Niamhie for not moderating anything while she was gone and Niamhie argued back that she'd broken glass in her thumb and couldn't feel any sensation in it and how was she to know that anyone had posted an inappropriate image in the newest chat thread if she couldn't feel anything in her clicking finger? Josei snorted derisively at that and shrugged her off, leaving Niamhie feeling worthless. The wedding day of her illicit son-daughter had arrived and she couldn't have felt less involved if she'd tried.
---
Marge and Oglenna were seated at the head table at the wedding when Gypsygoffrey confronted her uncle MTVyrioN and mocked the chump for his love of NFL. It did not go down well. She'd rounded on Saphsa and had made fun of the deaths of her parents and older brother - it had turned into an ugly scene and Marge had become uncomfortable.
The crowd were shocked when Gypsygoffrey suddenly started choking and she pointed at MTVyrioN accusingly.
"He put a cricket ball in the King's drink, I saw him!" Josei shrieked. "Seize him!" MTVyrioN was grabbed by guards but his wife Saphsa had disappeared in the commotion - a bounty was placed on her head by the Queen but Gypsygoffrey choked to death (on a big ball, much to her fury) and the realm was left without a King. It fell to Gypsygoffrey's younger brother Tømmen to become King, but he wasn't 13 yet and Josei wouldn't allow him to sit on the throne even if he felt he was ready. He would be protected from such horrors until he was of age, no matter how much he lied about his age. A mother knows. Josei was inconsolable at the death of her first born; she had failed him as a mother and so she was filled with rage when Dezzywin told her that Marge Tyrell would be wedded to Tømmen when an appropriate time had passed.
"I will not have that freaky slut marry into what's left of my family!" Josei had screamed at him.
"You will allow it because family comes first. We are but a few moderators in this unruly realm and we must serve the interests of furthering our names before we serve ourselves. And to that end, you will marry her brother, Thomas C Tyrell." Dezzywin commanded.
"YOU ****ING WHAT?!" Josei was speechless for once. "YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS! I AM NOT MARRYING THAT ****ING WOOFTER! THAT'S SICK AND WRONG AND I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT WOULD EVEN WORK, THAT LITTLE CROSSDRESSER IS MARRYING MY PREPUBESCENT SON!? IS THAT INCEST!? I THINK IT MIGHT BE!"
"You're outraged by incest?" Dezzywin asked, an eyebrow raised, pausing for a moment. "...the Targayformen dynasty were an inbred rabble who were renowned for buggery, treachery and incest - how else do you think they remained in power for so long? We need the Tyrells, Oglenna Tyrell is selling her hair to fund our near-bankrupt family's war effort and to repay her we must marry her grandchildren, in order for her to continue to bank roll us."
"I WON'T DO IT!" Josei sobbed.
"You will. I don't care who you are, you are my daughter and you will do as I say." Dezzywin stated calmly.
Josei stormed out and had a vicious look on her face. She passed a young kitchen hand, a young lad called Jordan., and gave him a 12 month ban in her fury for no reason. She was still the most powerful woman in TiBB and she would not be controlled by anyone, not even her own father.
---
Icemannis Banthemall had licked his wounds and had had enough of waiting around.
"You told me I would be King!" He barked at Mystic Mock, whose nipples were a rosy red in the heat of the nearby fire.
"Look at my glorious breasts my King, the Lord of Light commands you." Mystic Mock intoned. "You shall be King. We must travel North now to visit the men of the night; a great struggle shall be upon those boys and while that is no concern of ours, perhaps we can take those boys and take them again and take them until they serve you and only you. They do not need to serve other men. We will crush Mance Hayden and his wild men and we will launch our offensive from the north. Nipples."
"Very well, Mystic Mock, your wisdom knows no bounds and neither does your bomb pussy."
"Fire. Lord of Light. Vagina."
---
Prince Omah of the House of Porne had arrived in TiBB Towers to attend the royal wedding and had witnessed the death of King Gypsygoffrey. The sight had pleased him - the Martells hated the Lezsisters after Dezzywin Lezsister's henchman, Ser Greg Zlegane had brutally raped, murdered and closed a thread of his sister, the Crown Princess Jemelia Martell during the sacking of the Targayformens. They'd murdered her children and the grievance had not been healed by time - so the sight of a Lezsister being murdered was a welcome surprise. It was even better that another Lezsister - the chump, MTVyrioN - had been accused of the murder and had been sentenced to trial - a trial that would surely lead to death, judging by the bad blood between Queen Regent Josei and her brother. Prince Omah sniggered as he posted another thread about Katie Price and revelled in the turn of events when it occurred to him to visit the imprisoned Lezsister.
MTVyrioN was pleased to have a visitor. His sister Niamhie had come to see him and the two had swapped stories since their last meeting; but he had otherwise been alone. Not even Bronnzors had come to see him. So when Prince Omah had deigned to visit him, he was surprised but grateful all the same. The visit had played on his mind as the trial had approached - did he have a friend in the capital after all? Bronnzors was a vain sellsword who only cared about his own wealth, MTVyrioN's friendship with him had been based on gold and nothing more - and Prince Omah would be serving on the judging panel at his trial. He had survived one unfair trial by runway, he resolved to survive another.
---
When Amy Jae testified against MTVyrioN at the trial, he'd felt crushed. They had been in love, or so he thought. He'd treated her well and she'd stabbed him in the back. He supposed that she too had only been his because of his gold. He truly was alone. He had nothing left to live for but the sake of being alive, he knew he had to demand a trial by runway. He declared his intentions and earned a furious "HA!" from his sister Josei. She'd been expecting as much and she'd picked out the perfect champion to represent her - Ser Greg Zlegane. Ser Greg was also known as The Forehead Mountain and so had plenty of room on his face to show expressions like Sword Steel and Fagnum, he was a true Zeelander model after all. Who could possibly defeat him in battle? Who would even want to take him on? Not one man alive was brave enough to take on a forehead that gigantic, Josei had assured herself. But she hadn't considered Prince Omah. Omah was out for revenge and was bitter that The Forehead had locked Jemelia's thread about the merits of double penetration. Despite being fully in the shadow of Ser Greg's forehead, Omah was confident of victory.
---
"Admit it, you killed my sister and gave her an infraction!" Omah shouted as he sashayed down the runway.
Ser Greg said nothing as he towered down the catwalk giving face.
"You killed Jemelia Martell!" Omah served some Katie Price realness as the battle turned in his favour. "You deleted my thread about Katie's breast reduction and you banned my sister! You killed Jemelia Martell!"
Ser Greg Zlegane had been bowled over by the sheer charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent displayed by Prince Omah and Omah got cocky. It was at this moment that The Forehead had reached up and grabbed Omah by the ears and had pulled him down and rolled on top of him.
"I banned her and laughed as she posted reaction .GIFs in the appeals section!" Greg roared, forcing his forehead into Omah's mouth. Omah screamed as inch by inch, Greg forced his forehead down his throat. He had forced about a quarter of it in when Omah's head exploded, shocking everyone in the crowd but Josei Lezsister.
---
Across the forum, Rose McGowan was mounting an assault on the last Sex Slave city of Thepeen. Her army of Unwillied had swelled in size and was now a formidable package just waiting to pounce on the unsuspecting Lezsisters. They wouldn't like what her boys had waiting for them behind their sheaths, that much Rose McGowan knew. The thought helped her sleep at night. Her fagons were gigantic fagons by now - but LeatherTrumpetos had accidentally flamed a young newbie so badly that he'd killed them... accidentally, she told herself, trying not to fear that it had been on purpose. Ever since, however, she had not seen the unruly fagon, he'd disappeared and it was with a weary heart that she decided to chain up Firewiria and Lucarion in her dungeon. They'd loved it at first, not knowing that it was to be an indefinite measure - they were surrounded by emancipated sex slaves who had been in chains for years, they had thought it to be a sex game at first. Lucarion had squealed with delight at first but the soul sisters had become bitter and snappy any time Rose visited them.
She had been joined by Harrystans Madonna - former captain of the King's Guard - after he'd been fired by King Gypsygoffrey and had been advised by a close knit group of Ser Josiah, Harrystans and Darenno Naharis - plus the captain of her Unwillied, Gay Germ.
"You are free now, you are no longer being rented out by your Dom Master - you do not have to go by the name they gave you anymore!" Rose had been exasperated.
"I was Germyle before they enslaved me, that name brought me only sadness. I was Gay Germ when the Swan Princess saved me, this name brings me fortune." He had replied, refusing to go by any other name.
"Very well then, Gay Germ you shall remain." Rose had nodded wearily. So it was with this group she marched upon Thepeen and swallowed it whole.
omg i'm the king :flutter:
oh wait no im not
..:lovedup:..it really is such a treat to read these instalments Z...so, so clever and I love how you have fitted in some of the back in the day members who don't post anymore...and fitted their story character with their own as well...and also blending the 'chat of the moment'...Chat and Game of Thrones coming in for the Emmy this year...but which actors/actresses are playing the parts...:amazed:...
..ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZlicious...:love:...
Tom4784
31-05-2015, 01:03 PM
Sensational.
Glenn.
01-06-2015, 04:12 PM
This is iconic
Thanks all - I'll no doubt be hit with inspiration when I've watched the newest episode of GoT tonight... :D
Smithy
01-06-2015, 04:43 PM
Who do you want on the iron throne Greg :flutter:
Gstar
03-06-2015, 01:41 AM
Gay Germ and his sugardaddy better slay
Marsh.
03-06-2015, 01:42 AM
Who do you want on the iron throne Greg :flutter:
He wants you bent over it. :smug:
Marsh.
03-06-2015, 01:42 AM
Where am I? :think:
Kizzy
03-06-2015, 09:47 AM
You are my bastard son who comes to avenge my death, you break and hand out the swan qwens crown... Then roasts her to feed all her victims before claiming the throne.
Fin.
Where am I? :think:
Grand Pimp Marshmont
Shaun Snow and the men of the night were being raped, pillaged and plundered by the wild men who had come to visit. They were valiantly pretending to enjoy it but the brutality was intense and it took all of Shaun's abilities to not fight them off. They were terrifying men. Suddenly, Icemannis Banthemall and his army burst into the pimp house and started to slaughter the wild things. Shaun Snow and his best friend, Samuel Tibbly, cowered and huddled together when Icemannis Banthemall dismounted his horse and approached them.
"Do you know who I am, boys?" He simpered.
"Y-Yes, you're the King's brother!" Samuel piped up.
"Wrong. I am the rightful heir to the throne!" Icemannis roared.
"My father wrote to you... Nate Stark..." Shaun spoke almost inaudibly, afraid of what might happen. He told himself that whatever Icemannis planned to do to him would be no worse than what he'd already been through.
"You're Shaun Snow?" Icemannis looked curious. "What are you doing here with the men of the night?"
"My uncle Benjamin... he took me... and then he brought me here..." Shaun wept.
"This is no place for a Stark boy even if you are a bastard!" Icemannis boomed.
"His place is here." Grand Pimp Marshmont announced, entering the room. "Shaun Snow is one of the best, he can handle three swords at once and he has pretty hair."
"I see... what do you say, Shaun Snow?" Icemannis asked him.
"I-I..." Shaun couldn't say it. He feared it might be a trick. "I... my place is here now... I..."
Samuel looked appalled as Shaun bowed his head, and Icemannis shrugged.
"Well, we'll need men like you when the real war begins. I've heard rumours that an army of Sh!te Talkers is planning to launch a DDoS attack on TiBB Towers."
"The wild things have mentioned such things, my Lord," Samuel spoke up. "But Mance Hayden and his men would say anything to get in me knickers."
"Very well. I'll return with an army of good men when the war is over." Icemannis nodded. "We'll leave in the morning."
---
Livia Littlefinger, Master of Coin (of course she is), had smuggled Saphsa Stark out of TiBB Towers into the relative safety of her aunt Lilysa's fortress in the Vale. Lilysa and her son, bobnot Arryn, were a little too attached and Saphsa's mother Caitlin had never allowed her family to see too much of Lilysa, for fear of corrupting them. It was with Lilysa that Saphsa now found herself - an orphan with nobody in the world to look after her. Nate was dead, Caitlin was dead, Locke was dead, aristya was missing presumed dead and the traitor Leon Greyjoy had murdered her brothers Patrickon and LemonBran. Saphsa was the last remaining Stark and felt utterly alone.
Livia Littlefinger and Lilysa Arryn went a long way back. Lilysa had always been infatuated with Livia and Livia knew it - Lilysa would do anything for her. Livia had even pretended to be in a tragic accident involving a horse and a drunk horse coachman and Lilysa had made arrangements to sneak Livia into her home without alerting anyone in TiBB Towers; thus Saphsa found herself in Lilysa's castle with Livia Littlefinger who was pretending to limp. Normally, Saphsa would have called Livia out on her behaviour, but she'd found her a safe refuge - who cared what Livia was up to?
Suddenly, Livia snogged Saphsa, right on the mouth, in front of Lilysa. Lilysa screamed, calling Saphsa an "American idiot" even though Saphsa had no idea what an American was, probably an insult of some kind in the Vale, and yelled "wake me up when September ends!" even though Saphsa had no idea what September was, probably a word used in the Vale for "nightmare" or something.
Lilysa stormed towards them and grabbed Saphsa by the hair, dragging her over to the moon door. Saphsa screamed and tried to pull away, but Lilysa had snatched her weave. Livia placed a calming hand on Lilysa's epic dodes and immediately, Lilysa let her niece go. Saphsa squirmed away as Livia calmed her aunt down.
"Oh Lilysa... you must be so tired and I'm so Jewish."
"Am pure Scottish hen but a pure love youse," Lilysa began, but was interrupted by Livia pushing her through the moon door.
"Never waste time on people who can't speak properly." Livia shrugged her shoulders sheepishly as Saphsa's jaw hit the floor.
"You killed her!" Saphsa hissed.
"Oh please, I didn't kill her, the fall did!"
"Where shall we go now?" Saphsa looked frightened.
"We're going back to Winterfell. I have someone I'd like to you to meet." Livia said with a knowing glint in her eye.
Saphsa looked terrified as they set off to her old home.
---
aristya Stark and Sticks the Hound had travelled far and wide, aimlessly, ever since they'd narrowly missed Lady Caitlin and Locke. aristya had been inconsolably, mumbling phrases like "Life in the Fast Lane" whenever Sticks had tried to spark up conversation about his science forum, so they mostly travelled silently. Sticks had had the idea of taking aristya to her aunt Lilysa for ransom money (to fund a new server for his science forum) but when they'd arrived, they'd discovered she was dead. It seemed they had nowhere to go, when Ammienne of Tarth had stumbled upon them and had tried to convince aristya to come with her. aristya had had none of it, noting that Ammienne didn't know anything about the price of a new HDTV and had watched as Ammienne and Sticks had battled. Sticks had kicked Ammienne in the ellipsis and Ammienne had broken Sticks' fridge; but eventually Ammienne had won the fight and Sticks lay there bleeding to death. aristya had hidden herself from view, not trusting this woman with her strange punctuation to look out for her best interests. aristya had her own way of doing things and her own strange punctuation, she didn't need anyone else's input. She decided to head to Kavos, where Jack_en of the house of pansexuals and the believers in the Many Gendered God resided. She decided she wanted to become like them.
---
LemonBran the cripple and Patrickon his guyliner loving little brother had travelled north, beyond the reach of the men of the night, and were trying to find some tree or something. No1curr.
---
MTVyrioN Lezsister was due to be executed. The death of Prince Omah had been brutal and unexpected. Who would post news stories about Katie Price now? He had cursed the cocky prince for showboating and wondered if death would be as instant and as painless as they said it would be. He knew his sister Josei would be relishing his final night on this planet.
Suddenly, Lord Vickys was at his cell and had opened the door.
"Why?" MTVyrioN had asked her.
"You are the only one who might yet save this forum from utter disaster." Vickys had whispered. "I'll meet you in an hour on t!nychat."
MTVyrioN stopped past Dezzywin Lezsister's room and had found him on the toilet.
Dezzywin had looked surprised when MTVyrioN bowled a cricket ball at his head and killed him instantly. MTVyrioN had also strangled Amy Jae to death because **** you that's why.
The chump and Lord Vickys met on the chat site and were in a group convo with the Swan Princess, Firewiria and Lucarion. Firewiria took some screen shots and MTVyrioN and Vickys decided to make their way to meet the Swan Princess in person.
..I'm in such a rush but I'll read this epic-sode later after work, Z...but I know it'll be magnificent as always...
Amy Jade
04-06-2015, 06:45 AM
Crying at the whole Lily/Saph/Livia scene :laugh2:
Thank you for including me Z
Mokka
04-06-2015, 04:40 PM
Z... if we weren't both already attached to significant others... and if you weren't into men... I would propose to you rt now
this thread :clap1: :clap1: :clap1:
... bobnot Arryn and Jack_en from the house of pansexuals..:laugh:...perfection....:lovedup:..
arista
05-06-2015, 04:17 AM
Great Writing Z.
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