What is your view on 'Children need both parents'

[Glenn.]

Basically my sister is having grief with her loser ex. He's a mentally abusive moron who has wanted nothing to do with his child since she was born. My sister cut all contact with him because of the harassment she was getting from him. When she cut contact he told her he was taking her to court so he could see the baby.
He isn't interested in the child and is only concerned with what my sister is up to.

He's been tweeting crap today and he retweeted something from Fathers4Justice about a parent needing two parents.

Do you agree with this?

I feel what a child needs is stability and if one parent can provide that for a child then that's all they need.

[Cal.]

I grew up with just my mum around and my dad not very much (although he's present now) and I believe I did just fine so yeah if one parent can provide the stability a child needs then no they do not need both of their parents.

[Tom4784]

Definitely not, a good single parent is infinitely better than one good parent and one bad one that's present.

[Daniel-X]

Well I don't really know because when I was seven my mum and dad divorced and I just used to go to my dads on Wednesdays and Saturdays most of the time. My dad passed away though in January 2010 and I think my mums done a great job at raising me tbh

[Niamh.]

I think if it's possible to have two parents involved in a childs life then that's great. No offence meant here to your sister Glen but a father has as much right to see his child as a mother and it shouldn't be your sisters decision to just cut him out of his childs life like that, he has every right to take her to court and get access to see his daughter unless he's actually a danger to the child.

Your sister chose to have a child with this guy so she has to deal with the fact that he gets to see his child :/

ETA : of course one parent can raise a child perfectly fine on their own too if they have too if needs be

[Glenn.]

He's had visits with the baby and shows no interest in her.

[Niamh.]

Why doesn't he take her out, why is he visiting with your sister there? What your sister should do is not be there when he takes the baby away, if he genuinely has no interest in seeing the baby then he will stop visiting himself

[Nedusa]

Yes I think a child needs both Parents - one Male the other Female

[Glenn.]

Because he simply can't be trusted. He's made numerous threats about snatching her. not to mention the threats about killing any man and his family who talks to my sister.

[Glenn.]

And he is completely inadequate to look after a child.

[Cherie]

Because he simply can't be trusted. He's made numerous threats about snatching her. not to mention the threats about killing any man and his family who talks to my sister.

Has she reported him to the police?

[Glenn.]

Yes. He forced his way into the house in October. They issued him with an harassment order or something that meant he was to stop all contact with her. Then he filed for court in April.

[Cherie]

And he is completely inadequate to look after a child.

Is the court case ongoing? Why are visits not overseen by someone else in the family rather than your sister?

[Niamh.]

Yes. He forced his way into the house in October. They issued him with an harassment order or something that meant he was to stop all contact with her. Then he filed for court in April.

If she gets a restraining order from him and lets him have supervised visits with you there maybe or a social worker he might lose interest

[Cherie]

If she gets a restraining order from him and lets him have supervised visits with you there maybe or a social worker he might lose interest

That would be my take I wouldn't go anywhere near him let as he is using visitation rights to intimidate,

[Glenn.]

Is the court case ongoing? Why are visits not overseen by someone else in the family rather than your sister?

Yes. Thy had to go in July and its up for review in October. I'm not sure what is happening in October but on her court papers it's says something about resolutions and the terms he has agreed to. Mainly passing a drug test.

When he filed for court he categorically denied taking drugs then at the hearing in July had to admit to taking them because he had to pay £300 for a hair strand test.

[Cherie]

Yes I think a child needs both Parents - one Male the other Female

I think its healthy for kids to have good male and female role models in the lives, these role models should not necessarily be parents!

[Glenn.]

If she gets a restraining order from him and lets him have supervised visits with you there maybe or a social worker he might lose interest

That's the reason he's being a prick again. He court told him he had to arrange the contact centre and he arranged the wrong one. Basically for the past two weeks my sister has been taking the baby to a children's centre and he's been meeting there. She received her court papers through last week and it states the terms of the contact centre and it needs to be an accredited contact centre and where they are going isn't.

She found the closest one and gave him the number to phone and because he might have to wait 2-6 weeks to sort he's being a wanker.

[Cherie]

Yes. Thy had to go in July and its up for review in October. I'm not sure what is happening in October but on her court papers it's says something about resolutions and the terms he has agreed to. Mainly passing a drug test.

When he filed for court he categorically denied taking drugs then at the hearing in July had to admit to taking them because he had to pay £300 for a hair strand test.

Hopefully he will get just limited supervised access and it should be documented that your sister should not be present, I think he would get bored and give up at that point

[Glenn.]

It's just a case of waiting for him to get bored. He isn't very consistent.

[Niamh.]

It's just a case of waiting for him to get bored. He isn't very consistent.

Unfortunately break ups involving kids can get very messy, especially if there's alot of bitterness, the good thing is that your niece is still a baby(I'm assuming?) and won't remember it or probably doesn't know what's going on and hopefully by the time she is, all this will have been sorted out

[the truth]

Basically my sister is having grief with her loser ex. He's a mentally abusive moron who has wanted nothing to do with his child since she was born. My sister cut all contact with him because of the harassment she was getting from him. When she cut contact he told her he was taking her to court so he could see the baby.
He isn't interested in the child and is only concerned with what my sister is up to.

He's been tweeting crap today and he retweeted something from Fathers4Justice about a parent needing two parents.

Do you agree with this?

I feel what a child needs is stability and if one parent can provide that for a child then that's all they need.

sorry but your argument here sounds ridiculously biased. I think the ideal scenario is a father and a mother. It is proven that a child without a father on average is far worse off. My father was an absolute legend as was my grandfather and they always looked out for me and my brother and sister. Every single thing they ever said to be was helpful , productive , well meaning....Even the criticism. But not everyone is as lucky. Ive seen many cases where the mother and the father split and the mother sets her whole family against he father to ensure he is bullied out of her life and his childs life. Can you give more specific examples of what this allegedly dreadful man has done wrong and why he is useless as you claim? in the interests of fairness can you point out some of your sisters faults too? so fair youre painting her as a 100% saint and him as 100% sinner...sorry life and people are not as black and white as that

[the truth]

ok Ive read more responses. if he cant clean his drugs up then of course the social workers must get involved. I also agree if she plays everything by the rules (up to the point where she thinks there is ANY risk to the child) then if he is as bad as you say he will soon get bored. did your sister know he was a drug taker when she got pregnant by him? why would she get involved with him and get pregnant to him if he is this awful a person? The other upside is maybe one day he will clean up his act. Drugs is yet again at the heart of the problem and I blame the liberals for giving up on the fight against drugs. also does this man pay for his childs upbringing?

[Glenn.]

And yes he's only very recently started paying for her. Only because he was made to by the CSA

[Glenn.]

Oh I deleted the post.

There were rumours when they were together that he was dealing and taking drugs but he denied it. He mentally abused her so she wouldn't have a bad word said about him. I've never seen a case of domestic abuse first hand and I tried and everyone tried to make her see sense but the damage was done.
When she feel pregnant he told her that he did t want any part of it so she ended the relationship.

[Livia]

A child belongs to both parents and benefits from having both a mother and a father playing an active role in their life. Of course, that's in a perfect world. Sometimes men and/or women, don't live up to their responsibilities.

[user104658]

I don't believe that a child "belongs to" anyone but themselves and therefore it's about what's best for a child.

The hierarchy of which goes like this:

- ideal -

Two good parents
One good parent and one lacklustre parent
One good parent alone
Two lacklustre parents
One lacklustre parent alone
No parents at all
One good parent and one abusive parent
One lacklustre parent and one abusive parent
Two abusive parents

- worst -

So as you can see, my opinion is that in many cases, one good parent is better than a lot of combinations of two parents. However, if parent number 2 is good or even just average, and want to be involved, then they should be involved.

If they are in any way abusive - and that means physically OR mentally (a bully parent can do just as much lasting damage as a violent one) then they are right at the bottom of the pile.

[reece(:]

I've had one parent my whole life and wouldn't have had it any other way.

[Crimson Dynamo]

Ideally both parents

you need a mum for cuddles and dad for laughs and logic

[Daniel-X]

Well like I say my dad passed away when I was nine and when I was six I think or I could have been seven my parents had split up anyway.

Obviously my dad passing away when I was such a young age and so unexpectedly will forever affect me in many ways but I think my mum does her best and her best is very good and I love her so much for what's she done to me and I don't think she realises how grateful I am.

[arista]

Basically my sister is having grief with her loser ex. He's a mentally abusive moron who has wanted nothing to do with his child since she was born. My sister cut all contact with him because of the harassment she was getting from him. When she cut contact he told her he was taking her to court so he could see the baby.
He isn't interested in the child and is only concerned with what my sister is up to.

He's been tweeting crap today and he retweeted something from Fathers4Justice about a parent needing two parents.

Do you agree with this?

I feel what a child needs is stability and if one parent can provide that for a child then that's all they need.


Yes in a Ideal World
Both Parents is the Best.

But if that does not work out
find another Man who is OK with a Single Mum.


Life Is Short

[AnnieK]

A child deserves unconditional love, safety, nurturing and teaching. Whomever provides that is the right person / people.

[armand.kay]

Well I didn't have my dad around when I was younger and it made me feel like **** as a kid but he tried to come back in my life when I was 16 and it was really awkward and weird.

[lily.]

I feel what a child needs is stability and if one parent can provide that for a child then that's all they need.

I agree with this 100%. I was raised with both parents. I am married, and have raised my own kids with them having both parents. However, there are a lot of bad parents. In my view, one good parent is better than 2 bad ones. It's quality, not quantity that counts.

Well like I say my dad passed away when I was nine and when I was six I think or I could have been seven my parents had split up anyway.

Obviously my dad passing away when I was such a young age and so unexpectedly will forever affect me in many ways but I think my mum does her best and her best is very good and I love her so much for what's she done to me and I don't think she realises how grateful I am.

You should tell her some time. I know she would appreciate it. I'm a mother, and there's nothing sweeter than when one of my kids says something nice to me about my parenting. It doesn't happen a lot, but when it does, it's special.

Also, sorry about your dad Daniel. That must be tough.

[user104658]

Ideally both parents

you need a mum for cuddles and dad for laughs and logic
To be fair, in our house we all have a lot of cuddles and laughs. Logic... Weeell... All three of them are female so I'm pretty much on my own with that one.

:hehe: oh no he didn't.


But yes, another reason to ideally have two parents in the mix is just to get a bit of added perspective. Everyone has their bad days when they're being unreasonable, and if there's only one parent around, there's no one to step in and advocate for fairness.

Again, that of course only works if the second parent isn't a waste of space.

OP if there's a risk of him being physically or mentally abusive, bullying, manipulating or controlling then in all honesty I'd say do whatever necessary to just keep him away.

If it's just a bad relationship (which happens, some relationships are just toxic and destructive), while he might still be a decent father, then for everyone's sake it would be best to make the effort.

[Glenn.]

He is textbook waste of space

[Ninastar]

If they are both decent people then yeah, it's important to have both parents in their life. I think people need to think really carefully about who they have children with. From what I've personally seen, the kids who act up the most are the ones with parental issues. Perhaps I'm being judgemental, but I'm just seriously against people having kids when they don't deserve them. If you're going to be a parent, just make sure it's with someone who can actually act like an adult.

[Mitchell]

I've spent over 4 years with only one and I'm happy with one loving parent,

[Glenn.]

If they are both decent people then yeah, it's important to have both parents in their life. I think people need to think really carefully about who they have children with. From what I've personally seen, the kids who act up the most are the ones with parental issues. Perhaps I'm being judgemental, but I'm just seriously against people having kids when they don't deserve them. If you're going to be a parent, just make sure it's with someone who can actually act like an adult.

I totally agree with this tbh.

My sister gave him a clear choice and plenty of chances to be an adult about it because in the state she was in mentally, she genuinely believed it would be the making of him, much to our annoyance. What could we do? Make her abort the baby? Thinking back to when she told us she was pregnant my immediate reaction was 'ffs now she's trapped' after I had spent two years trying to get her away from him.
When he told her he didn't want anything to do with the baby, she told him that was fine and that she was still having the baby and she wouldn't ask anything from him but if he wanted anything to do with the baby she wouldn't stop him.
The time apart made her realise what a complete lunatic he was and her eyes were opened to what affect he had had on her. I can remember a few weeks after they split and I told her that what he had been doing was abuse and she outright dismissed it but thankfully she has seen the light.
Que nine months of him threatening her friends, the children of her friends, any man who dared to speak to her etc. The usual insults like, you'll never find anyone, no one will have you now. Kidnap threats. He told her he was going to get her after work one night and drive them into a tree. It was constant.
If I believed for one minute he genuinely wanted to be a positive part of the baby's life I wouldn't have a problem with him. But even the couple of weeks contact he's had just proves he hasn't changed and has no desire too.

Of course a child would benefit if they had a mother and a father in their lives but in this case having him in her life would be nothing short of catastrophic.

[bots]

The more loving and caring people around a child the better whether that be parents or not. I wouldn't want to comment on any of the other aspects.

[Mystic Mock]

Well I've never experienced being a child with only a single parent looking after me.

But my opinion is that they'll probably struggle more with bullying at School if they've only got one parent at home, but overall the child would probably be more happy than children who live in homes with both parents abusing them.

So overall I think that it can be done, it's just a lot harder I'd imagine.

[Mystic Mock]

Alright I've just read the whole thread properly.

He sounds like a dick to me, I would punch him in the face if his really like how you're saying he is.

[the truth]

if hes that bad she should get an injunction out against him. I see so many morons having kids, often to get more benefits. Often those kids haven't got a hope in hell...these are so many suicide attempts from young people in messed up homes, its so tragic. kids in those families would be better off in care , fostered or adopted

[jennyjuniper]

If the father is a decent guy and loves his child/children, then of course it's better for a child to have two parents in his/her life. Children need role models of both sexes. However, if the father OR mother is unsuitable to have the care of a child, whether it's because of violence, drug or alcohol abuse, then the child's needs MUST come first.
One thing I would like to say though is that if for any reason a woman doesn't want the childs father to have anything to do with him or her, it would be a good idea to introduce a good male role model to the child as he/she grows up. Input from decent people of both sexes, is I feel important.

[the truth]

If the father is a decent guy and loves his child/children, then of course it's better for a child to have two parents in his/her life. Children need role models of both sexes. However, if the father OR mother is unsuitable to have the care of a child, whether it's because of violence, drug or alcohol abuse, then the child's needs MUST come first.
One thing I would like to say though is that if for any reason a woman doesn't want the childs father to have anything to do with him or her, it would be a good idea to introduce a good male role model to the child as he/she grows up. Input from decent people of both sexes, is I feel important.

mothers have way too much control over this and it shouldn't be down to them to decide on whether the father is alienated , if the mother or father thinks the other is a dangerous parent then that's a matter to take to the courts and police. but the bias is incredible towards mothers and that hurts a lot of kids.

[Kizzy]

This isn't a good example as the bloke is abusive but if parents just split then I feel it's important for the child to maintain good contact with the father.

[Niamh.]

mothers have way too much control over this and it shouldn't be down to them to decide on whether the father is alienated , if the mother or father thinks the other is a dangerous parent then that's a matter to take to the courts and police. but the bias is incredible towards mothers and that hurts a lot of kids.

Yeah absolutely agree with this, family law desperately needs updating. It's the kids who suffer the most by either parent trying to hurt the other by using their kids as pawns and most of that "power" is in the mothers hands atm because the laws are so unfair towards fathers. I'd like to think that most mothers wouldn't abuse that power because ultimately it's their own children they'll hurt most but I have seen it done in my own experiences so no doubt it's happening alot more than it should

[the truth]

it should also be a crime to lie about parentage, frankly those mothers who lie about it should be jailed and those who lie to extort money from men who later find theyre not the dad should be imprisoned for years and not be allowed a lenient sentence simply because they have kids. kids would be better off without mothers like that

[Niamh.]

it should also be a crime to lie about parentage, frankly those mothers who lie about it should be jailed and those who lie to extort money from men who later find theyre not the dad should be imprisoned for years and not be allowed a lenient sentence simply because they have kids. kids would be better off without mothers like that

Yeah, of course, I doubt that's actually a common thing though, I think most people would just take the actual dad to court unless they don't actually know for sure.

[the truth]

they should end the confusion and lies and get parents blood tested whenever there is a shred of doubt

[Niamh.]

they should end the confusion and lies and get parents blood tested whenever there is a shred of doubt

yes absolutely

[jennyjuniper]

mothers have way too much control over this and it shouldn't be down to them to decide on whether the father is alienated , if the mother or father thinks the other is a dangerous parent then that's a matter to take to the courts and police. but the bias is incredible towards mothers and that hurts a lot of kids.

I agree 100% If I made it seem I was biased towards the mother, that's not what I meant. All I was trying to get across is, regardless of who is the main parent, a child can only benefit from being in the company of good role models of both sexes.