Being unfaithful and cheating

[Crimson Dynamo]

How do you feel about this and be honest have you ever or are you?

It happens a lot and it could be happening to you or about to

:nono:


http://i3.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article6361449.ece/ALTERNATES/s615/We-Love-TV.jpg

:worry:

[Ross.]

Off topic but yas at Doctor Foster :love: my newest obsession

[Niamh.]

I cheated on a guy once when I was 16, in my defence though, I'd been going out with him and he cheated on me and he dumped me, then a few months later he wanted to go out with me again so I said yes, then I cheated on him and dumped him (back then cheating on meant kissed someone else lol)

Anyway now I'm an adult I despise cheaters

[Josy]

I despise cheaters too.

[Ninastar]

Hate it. Easily one of the most disgusting things you could do to a person. It can seriously mess people up - make them never trust anyone again and I think that's incredibly sad.

[Crimson Dynamo]

As you get older you realise trust is really what its about

[Ashley.]

I cheated when I was 16. I've already justified myself on a different thread a couple weeks back so I won't justify myself again.

Nobody's ever cheated on me before.

[Will.]

SmnEhmjgZ9s

[Crimson Dynamo]

I cheated when I was 16. I've already justified myself on a different thread a couple weeks back so I won't justify myself again.

Nobody's ever cheated on me before.

not that you are aware

[Niamh.]

Oh as an adult I suspect that my ex cheated on me but I'm not 100% sure about it

[Liam-]

I was the other person once on accident and I was disgusted in myself, I wouldn't cheat on anyone and I wouldn't knowingly enable someone to cheat on their other halves, whatever suits people I guess but I have no respect for cheaters or people who take pride in cheating or being the person someone cheats with.

[JoshBB]

I don't cheat and can't imagine myself ever doing that.

[Ashley.]

not that you are aware

Oh I'm aware alright. I don't date wrong'uns and I slap them hard if they try to confront me at the bar.

[Crimson Dynamo]

Oh as an adult I suspect that my ex cheated on me but I'm not 100% sure about it

usually instincts are pretty reliable

[Kyle]

If you're in a relationship where the other person is of the understanding that it's meant to be monogamous then in my view it's pretty weasely if you cheat.

My tolerance levels for people who are ultra possessive about their partner, following them all over, making them disclose all their conversations and otherwise interfering with their personal life when it turns out they have been the unfaithful ones all along is about as low as you get.

You see it all the time on Jeremy Kyle, makes me want to throw the TV through the window. Hate hypocrites.

[Livia]

I'm not a cheater and if I dated one, he'd be out the door. I don't do shares-ies.

[Niamh.]

usually instincts are pretty reliable

Yeah I agree

[Niamh.]

If you're in a relationship where the other person is of the understanding that it's meant to be monogamous then in my view it's pretty weasely if you cheat.

My tolerance levels for people who are ultra possessive about their partner, following them all over, making them disclose all their conversations and otherwise interfering with their personal life when it turns out they have been the unfaithful ones all along is about as low as you get.

You see it all the time on Jeremy Kyle, makes me want to throw the TV through the window. Hate hypocrites.

Yep and that's usually the case in real life too. Judging their partner by their own standards

[Crimson Dynamo]

There is also Emotional Cheating

An "emotional affair" is an affair between two people that mimics the closeness and emotional intimacy of an affair while never being physically consummated. An emotional affair is often colloquially referred to as an affair of the heart. An emotional affair may emerge from a friendship outside the relationship, and progress toward greater levels of personal intimacy and attachment. What distinguishes an emotional affair from a friendship is the assumption of emotional roles between the two participants that mimic of those of an actual relationship - with regards to confiding personal information and turning to the other person during moments of vulnerability or need.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_affair

[Ashley.]

There is also Emotional Cheating

An "emotional affair" is an affair between two people that mimics the closeness and emotional intimacy of an affair while never being physically consummated. An emotional affair is often colloquially referred to as an affair of the heart. An emotional affair may emerge from a friendship outside the relationship, and progress toward greater levels of personal intimacy and attachment. What distinguishes an emotional affair from a friendship is the assumption of emotional roles between the two participants that mimic of those of an actual relationship - with regards to confiding personal information and turning to the other person during moments of vulnerability or need.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_affair

Oooh

[Josy]

There is also Emotional Cheating

An "emotional affair" is an affair between two people that mimics the closeness and emotional intimacy of an affair while never being physically consummated. An emotional affair is often colloquially referred to as an affair of the heart. An emotional affair may emerge from a friendship outside the relationship, and progress toward greater levels of personal intimacy and attachment. What distinguishes an emotional affair from a friendship is the assumption of emotional roles between the two participants that mimic of those of an actual relationship - with regards to confiding personal information and turning to the other person during moments of vulnerability or need.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_affair

I would describe a lot of 'internet' affairs like this.

[Crimson Dynamo]

I would describe a lot of 'internet' affairs like this.

I think the advent of the internet and mobile phone have made it much easier to carry out affairs

[kirklancaster]

I don't think you realise how wrong and hurtful cheating is when you are young.

[Josy]

I think the advent of the internet and mobile phone have made it much easier to carry out affairs

True

[Kyle]

Yep and that's usually the case in real life too. Judging their partner by their own standards

A lad at my last workplace regularly cheated on his lass but told me he wouldn't tolerate it if she did it to him. When I asked him about the double standards he said he was aware of it but he just couldn't describe why he saw it that way. Always sticks in my mind that, never broached the topic further with him though he probably would have knifed me the mentalist.

[Ramsay]

I've been the "other guy" a good few times but no, i'd never cheat on my girlfriend.

[Kyle]

I don't think you realise how wrong and hurtful cheating is when you are young.

When you're on the wrong end of it you do.

[user104658]

If either me or my wife developed feelings for someone else we'd just be honest about it. There's no point not being, to be honest.

Also, I (both of us) think that this "emotional cheating" thing is utter bollocks, you should be able to have as many people in your life as you want who you can turn to emotionally and be emotionally close to, and whether they're male or female shouldn't matter. You only get one life... Closing yourself off to close relationships seems like a needless waste. If your partner having emotional closeness with someone else makes you feel insecure then you have problems already. In my opinion.

[Lostie!]

I detest the whole principle of cheating, I'd never cheat and I'd never be the bit on the side either.

And if someone cheated on me, they'd get no second chances.

[Crimson Dynamo]

If either me or my wife developed feelings for someone else we'd just be honest about it. There's no point not being, to be honest.

Also, I (both of us) think that this "emotional cheating" thing is utter bollocks, you should be able to have as many people in your life as you want who you can turn to emotionally and be emotionally close to, and whether they're male or female shouldn't matter. You only get one life... Closing yourself off to close relationships seems like a needless waste. If your partner having emotional closeness with someone else makes you feel insecure then you have problems already. In my opinion.

How would you feel if you came down stairs, say,to get a drink of water at 1 am and your wife was in the living room texting a "friend" ie a man on her phone?

[user104658]

How would you feel if you came down stairs, say,to get a drink of water at 1 am and your wife was in the living room texting a "friend" ie a man on her phone?
Err, she has plenty of male friends who she texts at various times. :shrug:

[Crimson Dynamo]

Err, she has plenty of male friends who she texts at various times. :shrug:



:dog:

[Ross.]

:dog:

I wonder if she has a secret phone for this man and a bag of clothes hidden in the boot of her car LT :worry:

[user104658]

Seriously though, life is waaaaaaayyyy too short for co-dependant, controlling relationships. Maybe I'm a hippy?

[Ramsay]

Err, she has plenty of male friends who she texts at various times. :shrug:

:clap1:

[Crimson Dynamo]

I wonder if she has a secret phone for this man and a bag of clothes hidden in the boot of her car LT :worry:

Poor TS :worry:

I wonder if the man in question is pregnant?

[user104658]

She's not going to get better than yours truly tbh. She's welcome to give it a go :joker:.

[Crimson Dynamo]

TS comes home and his wife is naked getting battered by 2 men in both holes and he is like

"Darling, I didnt know we had company, I would have brought wine"

later



"er Darling, who were these 2 men"


"Of for gawds sake TS cant I have some work colleges over without 20 questions and your constant checking up on me??"

[Kizzy]

I've been the cheater and been cheated on hard to say which hurt me more.

[user104658]

Just so long as everyone's been AIDS tested.

[user104658]

The speed you've managed to get from texts to DP is a bit worrying though, LT. Does someone have some jealousy / possessiveness issues maybe? :joker:

[Natalie.]

Haven't cheated
It's horrible,the things it can do to the person who was cheated on.

[Crimson Dynamo]

The speed you've managed to get from texts to DP is a bit worrying though, LT. Does someone have some jealousy / possessiveness issues maybe? :joker:

:hehe:

I am a naturally suspicious person and dont trust no one


im damaged goods, DONT LOOK AT ME



:bawling:

[user104658]

Did you get burned LT? Or is it a mummy thing?

[Crimson Dynamo]

Did you get burned LT? Or is it a mummy thing?

like kizzy i have been in both camps and its ****ed me up bigtime

but if I had my time again i would never cheat

[user104658]

Well I thought I hadn't cheated but it turns out I've done an absolute tonne of emotional cheating! Oh well... :joker:

[Kyle]

Its gotta be said you are doing a lot of fantasising about TS and his wife. I actually thought it was Kirk you had a man crush on. :smug:

[Crimson Dynamo]

Its gotta be said you are doing a lot of fantasising about TS and his wife. I actually thought it was Kirk you had a man crush on. :smug:

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/6c/01/ab/6c01ab8585506628e3b2d222f58f0879.jpg

TS and Mrs TS

[Kyle]

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/6c/01/ab/6c01ab8585506628e3b2d222f58f0879.jpg

TS and Mrs TS

Looks like they are wearing one of my GCSE art projects.

[user104658]

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/6c/01/ab/6c01ab8585506628e3b2d222f58f0879.jpg

TS and Mrs TS
That's me, but it's not Mrs TS. We didn't cheat together but we did simulate breastfeeding each other for a while... No skin to skin contact just curling in the fetal position and snuggling in. Is that emotional cheating though?? I guess I used her as a bit of an emotional crutch. Good old Mrs Johnson. God rest her soul.

[Crimson Dynamo]

TS does any of this ring alarm bells:


1. You are sharing frustrations about your marriage or relationship.

If you are telling your work friend all about your problems at home, you are asking for trouble. You’re creating a unique intimacy with this person and cutting out your partner at home, essentially creating a bond with your new friend to the exclusion of your partner. Once you have established that you can talk negatively about your partner with this person, you are setting up an close and emotional relationship, as well as an opening where this person can move in to fill the needs that your partner isn’t. This is a difficult question, but one you should ask yourself: are you sharing your unmet needs to subconsciously see if this person will meet them?


2. You begin testing the waters.

You are watching to see how far you can take the sexy banter. Sure, it’s fun to tell dirty jokes occasionally. And yes, it might be okay to send them that sexy YouTube music video — depending on context. But think about why you are doing it. And be honest with yourself: are you testing them to gauge their reaction? Perhaps they are telling you the things you want to hear, and as such, you are now pushing the envelope to see how far things will really go. Riding the edge can be exciting, but it can also be dangerous and disrespectful to your partner.

3. You contact them outside of “friendship hours.”

If they start calling you in the evening, you are crossing the line. If you are texting on the weekends, you are no longer just work friends. If you find yourself waiting for those texts and those phone calls, anxiously checking your phone and responding immediately, you should refocus your attention and look honestly at the situation. You may be more emotionally involved with them at this point than with your spouse. Ask yourself: is there more to this friendship than I want to admit to my partner? Am I being honest with them and with myself?

If these three warning signs — contacting them outside of work hours, pushing the friendship edge and inappropriate sharing — are true for you, you may be having an emotional affair. To prevent an emotional affair, you shouldn’t expect to give up all of your friends and refuse to meet new people. That’s not realistic, nor is it healthy. Cutting out friends of the opposite sex doesn’t work, nor does restricting time on the internet.

Preventing emotional infidelity may be as simple as (and this is actually harder than it sounds) telling the truth. In order to avoid an affair, you and your partner have to accept that it is natural and normal to be emotionally and physically attracted to other people. And if you find yourself fantasizing about this other person, tell on yourself before it goes any further.

It is easier to talk about now than it will be later, after the emotional affair has developed into something more complicated. A word of advice: telling your partner means being honest about your feelings. It doesn’t mean using specific details. Be open and honest about your concerns and let your partner know that you want to be clear about your feelings before they turn into something more.

It is normal to be attracted to someone with whom you have developed an emotional connection. But moving that relationship into something sexual is the next step, and it is potentially dangerous for your relationship. If you are in a relationship and afraid you might cheat, talk to your partner today and be honest about your feelings.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/08/09/3-sure-signs-of-an-emotional-affair/

[user104658]

All of that is so possessive! There are "friendship hours"?? Eh?? And a limit to sexy banter? Where's the fun in that?? If I want to PM Livia and Kizzy and suggest a weird, aggressive sexual trist where they beat me and each other then I bloody well will!

The one point that I guess is important there, is the sharing MORE with someone else than with your partner. That's a problem I think. I've shared plenty with other people of both genders but nothing that me and the missus wouldn't or haven't brought up with each other. We talk about everything, whether it's negative or not, there's no point holding back really. That's not what I consider a proper relationship.

[Kizzy]

Did you get burned LT? Or is it a mummy thing?

It's a maudlin thing..... step off now ;)

[Cherie]

That's me, but it's not Mrs TS. We didn't cheat together but we did simulate breastfeeding each other for a while... No skin to skin contact just curling in the fetal position and snuggling in. Is that emotional cheating though?? I guess I used her as a bit of an emotional crutch. Good old Mrs Johnson. God rest her soul.

:joker::joker:

[Kizzy]

All of that is so possessive! There are "friendship hours"?? Eh?? And a limit to sexy banter? Where's the fun in that?? If I want to PM Livia and Kizzy and suggest a weird, aggressive sexual trist where they beat me and each other then I bloody well will!

The one point that I guess is important there, is the sharing MORE with someone else than with your partner. That's a problem I think. I've shared plenty with other people of both genders but nothing that me and the missus wouldn't or haven't brought up with each other. We talk about everything, whether it's negative or not, there's no point holding back really. That's not what I consider a proper relationship.

Can I bring my straighteners? oh, and you'll need to contact someone to collect the remains afterwards :laugh:

[user104658]

Can I bring my straighteners? oh, and you'll need to contact someone to collect the remains afterwards [emoji23]
We're going to snort Mrs Johnson's ashes by the way. Dunno if you're cool with that but to be honest it's the only thing that really gets me going these days. Her spirit is powdered viagra.

This is all normal relationship stuff, right?

[Tom4784]

I've never cheated, it's far too much effort. I'll just dump whoever it is I'm seeing if I'm bored enough of the relationship to think of straying.

[user104658]

I've never cheated, it's far too much effort. I'll just dump whoever it is I'm seeing if I'm bored enough of the relationship to think of straying.

Exactly, if I found myself wanting to be with someone else I'd just be honest about it. Realistically, I can't see that happening, but I would and so would she... Again, life's too short for games.

[smudgie]

Nope, not officially, which means no not once I have committed to someone.
Quite surprising really as I could have a couple on the go at the same time when I was young and finding my feet.
Been around the block a few times but was always honest and told the lads in question it was purely for the sex and fun of it, so therefore it wasn't cheating.
Not forgetting that was way before AIDS and much safer.

[AnnieK]

I agree you can have any number of friends of the opposite sex if you're open and honest about it. if you start hiding those friendships that's when lines start getting crossed imo.

[joeysteele]

I don't like the idea of if someone commits to another that they then cheat.

Far better to remain single, do what you like then.

[user104658]

I agree you can have any number of friends of the opposite sex if you're open and honest about it. if you start hiding those friendships that's when lines start getting crossed imo.
I guess the sad thing is if one partner HAS to hide their friendships because of a jealous / possessive other half...

[Niamh.]

A lad at my last workplace regularly cheated on his lass but told me he wouldn't tolerate it if she did it to him. When I asked him about the double standards he said he was aware of it but he just couldn't describe why he saw it that way. Always sticks in my mind that, never broached the topic further with him though he probably would have knifed me the mentalist.

Yeah I've known someone with that attitude do, It's actually disgusting that they're so aware that they would hate it but still carry on doing it the person they supposedly love

PS welcome back and love your avatar :laugh:

[Benjamin]

I cannot ****ing stand people who are unfaithful. There is no excuse for it.

[Kizzy]

It's fun for a bit, the flirting and feeling all desired... but then when you've done something wrong the guilt is awful and the fallout just isn't worth it.

[Niall]

It's terrible and disgusting thing to do. I think that if monogamy is something that you have difficulty, then perhaps it's something that you shouldn't pursue. And that's not for the cheater's sake why I say that, but for the person they're bound to hurt.

I do however think it's something that so often comes out of very complex situations, and if It happened to me I'd like to think I'm the kind of person who;d work through it and not throw the whole relationship down the toilet.

I've not been there though so I can't really say I suppose.

[LukeB]

I rather get in a relationship with someone who is single because if you're seeing someone who is already in an relationship then they most likely cheat on you with another person because they cheated once so what makes you sure they won't do it again?

[Raph]

Had an affair for a year that I got into whilst cheating on my ex lol

But it ended a year ago and I wouldn't cheat or have an affair again

[Rob!]

I have never cheated on anyone and wouldn't.


I have knowingly been the other person though..it's not something I'm especially proud of but at the time I was (and still am in a lot of ways) dealing with self esteem issues. The thought of someone wanting to want to sleep with me despite the fact that they were in a relationship felt...good tbh. There was also that feeling of excitement to it because of course it shouldn't have been happening. It's a deplorable couple of reasons but it's what happened. I felt really bad afterwards and actually scared that I was going to have someone punching me in the street in case they'd developed a guilty conscious all of a sudden :laugh:
I wouldn't and couldn't sleep with someone else if I was in a relationship though.

[Raph]

To add, I broke up with my ex the next day, the other person was also in a relationship and they stayed in it making it an affair.

[Kyle]

PS welcome back and love your avatar :laugh:

Why thank you:flutter:

[Brother Leon]

I absolutely hate anyone that does it and never would myself. Been cheated on twice and it was a horrible feeling. It took me a long time to finally open up to someone when dating them.

[lostalex]

I've always been too scared to cheat in my relationships. i'm such a pussy!

Even when i knew i was gipping to break up with someone soon, i still always waited.

I understand why some people cheat, especially if they have a family and it would totally destroy other people's lives if they got a divorce, but still...

[DemolitionRed]

Very recently there was something like 37 million cheaters outed online from the Ashley Madison site which was set up to openly encourage cheating. Its motto is: 'Life is short. Have an affair'

The hackers had previously warned the site owners, "if this site is not removed we will disclose the details of every cheater you have on your site.

Ashley Madison, who offered their members complete 'anonymity' chose to ignore the blackmail attempt.

[Kizzy]

There was a thread on that on which many were disgusted that that was hacked and yet nobody likes a cheat.... :shrug:

[Livia]

Unregulated hackers are not the morality police. Who are they to decide to expose cheats? People don't want MI5 to have more powers but some are happy to have a faceless, unregulated group of hackers expose people's private business online? Seems like a bit of a double standard to fit an agenda to me.

[DemolitionRed]

There was a thread on that on which many were disgusted that that was hacked and yet nobody likes a cheat.... :shrug:

Damn I missed that!

I think that site is shameful and the alarming thing is, the huge amount of members. Something like 1.5 million Brits were using it.

As far as I'm concerned, people who are prepared to cheat deserve to get caught.

[kirklancaster]

Unregulated hackers are not the morality police. Who are they to decide to expose cheats? People don't want MI5 to have more powers but some are happy to have a faceless, unregulated group of hackers expose people's private business online? Seems like a bit of a double standard to fit an agenda to me.

:clap1::clap1::clap1: Oh - Yeah. Double Standards is exactly what it is -- as per usual.

[Northern Monkey]

Have cheated on women in the past when i was younger and just did'nt care tbh.Have never and will never cheat on the woman i'm with now.I think most people have cheated when they're young like in their 20's.Some people just don't grow out of it.I have as i would never want to risk losing what i have now.

[DemolitionRed]

I didn't say the hackers were doing the right thing. I just explained what they did before giving my opinion of the site and then, in another paragraph I said...

...As far as I'm concerned, people who are prepared to cheat deserve to get caught.

Its ok though Kirk, as per usual, I expected that retort ;)

[Northern Monkey]

If either me or my wife developed feelings for someone else we'd just be honest about it. There's no point not being, to be honest.

Also, I (both of us) think that this "emotional cheating" thing is utter bollocks, you should be able to have as many people in your life as you want who you can turn to emotionally and be emotionally close to, and whether they're male or female shouldn't matter. You only get one life... Closing yourself off to close relationships seems like a needless waste. If your partner having emotional closeness with someone else makes you feel insecure then you have problems already. In my opinion.I agree.Me and my misses are always texting and looking at our phones.We don't ever look at or even ask about who's on the other end.

[kirklancaster]

I didn't say the hackers were doing the right thing. I just explained what they did before giving my opinion of the site and then, in another paragraph I said...

...As far as I'm concerned, people who are prepared to cheat deserve to get caught.

Its ok though Kirk, as per usual, I expected that retort ;)

So that I do not derail this thread, I will expound about 'Double Standards' on a new thread later. Though I do not expect some to agree - obviously.

[lostalex]

Have cheated on women in the past when i was younger and just did'nt care tbh.Have never and will never cheat on the woman i'm with now.I think most people have cheated when they're young like in their 20's.Some people just don't grow out of it.I have as i would never want to risk losing what i have now.

did you get caught?

[Northern Monkey]

did you get caught?

Once but i wriggled out of it,Me and my gf at the time never trusted each other again though and it only lasted a year.Was very young though.Cba with all that now.I think i probably never found anyone i felt close to until now.Been with my misses 8 years now so was 26 when i met her.Before then i was immature and just did'nt care about all them feelings n ****.It was all about getting the penis away.lol.

[lostalex]

Once but i wriggled out of it,Me and my gf at the time never trusted each other again though and it only lasted a year.Was very young though.Cba with all that now.I think i probably never found anyone i felt close to until now.Been with my misses 8 years now so was 26 when i met her.Before then i was immature and just did'nt care about all them feelings n ****.It was all about getting the penis away.lol.

well i'm glad you've improved as a partner.

It's a very arrogant and selfish thing to do to someone.

don't you worry about karma? the indian mentality would be that you will be betrayed by your partner, the universe needs justice.

[Northern Monkey]

well i'm glad you've improved as a partner.

It's a very arrogant and selfish thing to do to someone.

don't you worry about karma? the indian mentality would be that you will be betrayed by your partner, the universe needs justice.

It has happened to me twice :bawling:
I think from my experience that relationships don't work properly until people mature and get all that sex with multiple partners out of their system.Everyone i know who settled down young has had relationship problems.I did'nt properly 'settle down' until i'd had some fun and it seems to work better.Not so much curiosity.

[lostalex]

It has happened to me twice :bawling:
I think from my experience that relationships don't work properly until people mature and get all that sex with multiple partners out of their system.Everyone i know who settled down young has had relationship problems.I did'nt properly 'settle down' until i'd had some fun and it seems to work better.Not so much curiosity.

That makes sense. i was a total slut in my early 20's. I never lied about it though.

but i agree when you first discover your sexual power, you need to explore it freely.

[Kizzy]

Unregulated hackers are not the morality police. Who are they to decide to expose cheats? People don't want MI5 to have more powers but some are happy to have a faceless, unregulated group of hackers expose people's private business online? Seems like a bit of a double standard to fit an agenda to me.

If you are stupid enough to have your details on sites like that then you take the risk of them being hacked... it's the internet, it happens.
The difference there being it's your choice, the proposals that security services have everyones data is not our choice is it?
So although you've manipulated this scenario to meet your agenda it hasn't worked has it? Because the flaws are apparent.

[lostalex]

If you are stupid enough to have your details on sites like that then you take the risk of them being hacked... it's the internet, it happens.
The difference there being it's your choice, the proposals that security services have everyones data is not our choice is it?
So although you've manipulated this scenario to meet your agenda it hasn't worked has it? Because the flaws are apparent.

It's basically the same thing as the Heidi Fleiss controversy in the 90s... She refused to release the names of her clients though. That was very admirable of her.

And i love heidi fleiss, she was an awesome housemate.

[the truth]

never cheated, its a horrible thing to do, but have been cheated on once , pretty unpleasant

in the longer term you say to yourself at least I found out now, imagine id married her with kids and then discovered she was a serial cheat

the trouble often comes when people consume a lot of booze, their brains get frazzled and theyre not fully in control of their actions. if someone kisses someone in a drunken stupor and you find out about it, they use the defence sorry I was off my face on booze.....but is that really a legit defence?

[lostalex]

never cheated, its a horrible thing to do, but have been cheated on once , pretty unpleasant

in the longer term you say to yourself at least I found out now, imagine id married her with kids and then discovered she was a serial cheat

the trouble often comes when people consume a lot of booze, their brains get frazzled and theyre not fully in control of their actions. if someone kisses someone in a drunken stupor and you find out about it, they use the defence sorry I was off my face on booze.....but is that really a legit defence?

kissing is not cheating... cheating is sex.

[Niamh.]

kissing is not cheating... cheating is sex.

that's subjective

[Northern Monkey]

that's subjective

I suppose it depends on what's being kissed:laugh:

[Niamh.]

lol Northeren Monkey

but yeah I would consider a kiss cheating ( a proper kiss) obviously cheating to a lesser degree to sleeping with someone but still cheating

[Livia]

lol Northeren Monkey

but yeah I would consider a kiss cheating ( a proper kiss) obviously cheating to a lesser degree to sleeping with someone but still cheating

I'd be far more hurt by a relationship where they'd kissed and confided in each other than I would be if was just someone he'd banged.

[Lostie!]

I'd absolutely class kissing someone else (in a romantic / sexual manner) as cheating. I don't see why it wouldn't be.

[DemolitionRed]

If I ever found out that my man had, had an affair or even a one night fling, I could never trust him again and when trust has gone, so has the relationship.

[Kyle]

If I ever found out that my man had, had an affair or even a one night fling, I could never trust him again and when trust has gone, so has the relationship.

That's the thing isn't it. Maybe some people can get past it and that's up to them but surely deep down you have to wonder every single time they are somewhere else you don't know if they are up to the same old tricks.

How can you know for sure if someone is indeed truly sorry for what they have done and is it worth all the mental torture that it will put you through?

I don't envy people in long term relationships who have to make that decision, especially if there's kids and friends of the both of you involved.

[user104658]

But what if you were "on a break"

[Kyle]

But what if you were "on a break"

Shut it Ross. :fan:

[kirklancaster]

If you are stupid enough to have your details on sites like that then you take the risk of them being hacked... it's the internet, it happens.
The difference there being it's your choice, the proposals that security services have everyones data is not our choice is it?
So although you've manipulated this scenario to meet your agenda it hasn't worked has it? Because the flaws are apparent.

Cheating may be immoral but it is not illegal. Hacking, extortion and blackmail are.

By your criterion, if stupidity justifies being a victim of crime, every skimpily dressed girl in our town centres on a weekend is 'asking for it', and anyone taking a shortcut through a dark underpass on a night is asking to be robbed.

:shrug:

[DemolitionRed]

Whilst cheating isn't illegal, what it can do is destroy the life of the spouse and throw a childs life into turmoil. One of the common reasons for men committing suicide and attempting suicide is from a marriage/relationship split because men who lose their wife often have complicated access to their children.

Remaining faithful doesn't have to follow the rules of law but having an affair can devastate lives; therefore, promoting and enticing people to be unfaithful in my eyes is heinous because of the devastation that often follows.

Here's another example of action that can be deemed illegal.
You see a distressed dog in a hot car so you call 999. After a further 10-15 minutes of the police not arriving you take action into your own hands and smash a window. This could be classed as criminal damage and, potentially, you may need to be prepared to defend your actions in court. Did you do the right thing or should you only work within the arm of the law?

The question is, should this site of been allowed to continue? and should we sympathise with this site over what happened to it?

I feel that because of the sheer number of members on that site, all looking to do something that society deems immoral; it speaks volumes about how fractured our society is regarding being faithful within a relationship.

I also don't believe that these hackers thought about the consequences of their actions. The aftermath of devastation is huge because spouses not in the know are now in the know. The site itself was charging for people to delete profiles and when members got wind of what was about to happen, there was a sudden flood of people paying to get out (hmm something not quite right about this). Profiles were deleted but peoples information was stored and not deleted, so even if they weren't continuing with the site they were still outed.

[Kizzy]

Cheating may be immoral but it is not illegal. Hacking, extortion and blackmail are.

By your criterion, if stupidity justifies being a victim of crime, every skimpily dressed girl in our town centres on a weekend is 'asking for it', and anyone taking a shortcut through a dark underpass on a night is asking to be robbed.

:shrug:

Wow this debate got very dark very fast, no the two crimes are in no way similar,.there couldn't and shouldn't be any comparisons drawn.

[Livia]

So we're going with...

Unnamed illegal hackers releasing people's details on the Internet if what those people are doing breaks their particular code of ethics but doesn't necessarily break the law = Good.

MI5 want more power to do their jobs = Bad.

[Kizzy]

So we're going with...

Unnamed illegal hackers releasing people's details on the Internet if what those people are doing breaks their particular code of ethics but doesn't necessarily break the law = Good.

MI5 want more power to do their jobs = Bad.

I explained my stance on this yesterday, if that's what you're going with it seems rather simplistic... Don't forget that at the moment MI5 are illegal hackers.