A man should have a wife for the family and a mistress for pleasure : Discuss.

[Kate!]

A man should have a wife for the family and a mistress for pleasure.

Discuss this :

I say yes and of the two roles I'd prefer to be the mistress. I know this will be controversial :omgno:

[Jamie89]

Can I have a husband for the money and a stud for the weekends?

Seriously though each to their own. If everyone involved in the situation is fully aware of what's going on then I don't see anything wrong with it. If it's not hurting anyone else.

[Niamh.]

Sorry I don't share, are you saying that wives are not pleasurable? That's a bit insulting don't you think? Also, I find this topic pretty sexist

[Dollface]

My first thought when I saw this thread was "ew wtf no" so I guess that's how I feel about it :laugh: I personally couldn't and wouldn't let my husband have a mistress or be a mistress myself, both situations would make me feel like a mug

[Jordan.]

There's no reason someone can't have a partner, family and pleasure without having to be unfaithful

[Niamh.]

There's no reason someone can't have a partner, family and pleasure without having to be unfaithful

:clap1:

[Jamie89]

Sorry I don't share, are you saying that wives are not pleasurable? That's a bit insulting don't you think? Also, I find this topic pretty sexist

I think it's a reality though that there is a lot of unfaithfulness that goes on, and that (not all but) most of it is carried out by men. Maybe Kate's suggestion would help in some situations?

[MTVN]

Just the one mistress?

[Liam-]

There's no reason someone can't have a partner, family and pleasure without having to be unfaithful

This.

If someone isn't content with being with one person, then they shouldn't be in a relationship/married, if people want to be in an open relationship then whatever, each to their own, I personally find it gross, but people who sleep with other people behind their other half's back are disgusting and so are the people who willingly sleep with someone who is attached imo.

[Jack_]

The issue I have with this notion isn't the unconventionality of the relationship, but with the implication that a wife's role should be that of a homemaker and nothing else :umm2:

By all means have open relationships/marriages, each to their own and all that - but the suggestion that having a wife means her only role is to cook, clean and provide emotional (and possibly financial) support to the man while he goes off and is sexually gratified elsewhere is actually quite sexist.

What about a woman having a husband for the family's financial stability and her getting off with some other blokes?

[Niamh.]

I think it's a reality though that there is a lot of unfaithfulness that goes on, and that (not all but) most of it is carried out by men. Maybe Kate's suggestion would help in some situations?

Help how exactly or more to the point who? Would it be an open relationship? If so why not just call it that? Having a mistress suggests unfaithfulness, lies cheating which is surely never good for a haelthy relationship and why only the man being allowed to cheat? Are we heading backwards into the 1950's?

Personally, I committed to being with just my husband when I married him and him to me, if he feels the need to go off with some girl who likes sleeping with other peoples partners then he's not the person I thought he was and I'd rather be single. If I got to the point where I don't enjoy being with my husband or him with me, then I'd rather be single then just stand around with my hands swinging while he goes off "pleasuring" himself with another woman

If I was single and wanted a bit of fun with no strings attached, I'd rather find another like minded man not some slimey cheating asshole.........but that's just me :hee:

[Kizzy]

So the wife would be the skivvy and he'd have a mistress for the fun stuff? **** that.

[Niamh.]

The issue I have with this notion isn't the unconventionality of the relationship, but with the implication that a wife's role should be that of a homemaker and nothing else :umm2:

By all means have open relationships/marriages, each to their own and all that - but the suggestion that having a wife means her only role is to cook, clean and provide emotional (and possibly financial) support to the man while he goes off and is sexually gratified elsewhere is actually quite sexist.

What about a woman having a husband for the family's financial stability and her getting off with some other blokes?

And coming from a woman too makes it even worse imo

[kirklancaster]

Just the one mistress?

:laugh::laugh::laugh: Matt - You need to come on here more often.

[Jack_]

And coming from a woman too makes it even worse imo

Indeed, and it's very disheartening! Women are marginalised enough as it is, stand with one another for God sake :fist:

[Niamh.]

Indeed, and it's very disheartening! Women are marginalised enough as it is, stand with one another for God sake :fist:

You're preaching to the choir here Jack :laugh:

[Mokka]

The only way Kate's scenario works is if there is an open relationship agreed upon by both parties, and both the wife and the husband were free to look outside the marriage for physical comforts... but at the end of day, do relationships like this really work out?? It would be interesting to see statistics on the longevity of open marriages.

[Jamie89]

Help how exactly or more to the point who? Would it be an open relationship? If so why not just call it that? Having a mistress suggests unfaithfulness, lies cheating which is surely never good for a haelthy relationship and why only the man being allowed to cheat? Are we heading backwards into the 1950's?

Personally, I committed to being with just my husband when I married him and him to me, if he feels the need to go off with some girl who likes sleeping with other peoples partners then he's not the person I thought he was and I'd rather be single. If I got to the point where I don't enjoy being with my husband or him with me, then I'd rather be single then just stand around with my hands swinging while he goes off "pleasuring" himself with another woman

If I was single and wanted a bit of fun with no strings attached, I'd rather find another like minded man not some slimey cheating asshole.........but that's just me :hee:

Well I mean, in the very specific example of how I read the OP which was 'a man has a wife and a mistress and they're all happy with that situation', compared to another specific situation of 'a man is cheating on his wife', I think the former is a better situation. That's not me saying it's an ideal that people should want, or that all married couples should view their gender roles a certain way or anything like that, but just that there might be some people in some situations who view it as a way in which they want to live their lives, and I don't see anything wrong with them making the decision to do that. It doesn't change your relationship.
Personally I would never be able to. I was actually in a relationship where my boyfriend wanted us to be 'open' and I ended it as a result. But everyone's different and if it works for some, then why not?

[Niamh.]

Well I mean, in the very specific example of how I read the OP which was 'a man has a wife and a mistress and they're all happy with that situation', compared to another specific situation of 'a man is cheating on his wife', I think the former is a better situation. That's not me saying it's an ideal that people should want, or that all married couples should view their gender roles a certain way or anything like that, but just that there might be some people in some situations who view it as a way in which they want to live their lives, and I don't see anything wrong with them making the decision to do that. It doesn't change your relationship.
Personally I would never be able to. I was actually in a relationship where my boyfriend wanted us to be 'open' and I ended it as a result. But everyone's different and if it works for some, then why not?

Well, in Kates specific example, she wants to be the Mistress so in effect isn't even involved in the relationship in the first place which is what I find a bit off putting tbqh. Also she's suggesting that a man should have a Mistress for pleasure and the wife then for "the family" which means what exactly? to pop out the children, look after them and clean the house and that's where her role ends? Once she gets the ring on her finger she ceases having fun with her husband anymore?

[empire]

women only marry men for one thing, money and status, but there is other things that men can't stand about there wives, they treat there husbands like little boys, and try to change them in there own way,

[Jack_]

women only marry men for one thing, money and status, but there is other things that men can't stand about there wives, they treat there husbands like little boys, and try to change them in there own way,

:umm2:

[lostalex]

hetero relationships are definitely very complicated. i won't pretend to understand them. the dynamic between men and women is very complex.

[Mokka]

women only marry men for one thing, money and status, but there is other things that men can't stand about there wives, they treat there husbands like little boys, and try to change them in there own way,

What a load of bull****

[the truth]

Sorry I don't share, are you saying that wives are not pleasurable? That's a bit insulting don't you think? Also, I find this topic pretty sexist

no you dont

[the truth]

What a load of bull****

no need for foul language...what he said is often true, not always but often. Far far more woman than men marry for money and status.

[Mokka]

no need for foul language...what he said is often true, not always but often. Far far more woman than men marry for money and status.

I stand behind my use of strong language ...

It is seldom true in normal everyday society. The majority of the world isn't living in some trumped up reality where women are some kind of barbie princesses looking for someone to pay their botox bill. ALL the women I know work as many hours or more as their husbands and bring in an equal share of the income, pay half the mortgage and almost all of the grocery bill, and take care of the lion share of household chores.

We don't just serve the bacon, we go out and raise the pig, slaughter it, bring it home and fry it in the pan.
welcome to not the 50's :wavey:

[Ammi]

...so, in this scenario...why does there have to be marriage involved..and not just people choosing to have multiple sexual partners..?..

[Ammi]

...so I guess that if a wife is perfectly happy in doing all of the chores/raising their children etc and for her husband to have a mistress for the sexual part of their partnership etc...what she's really saying is..honey, my hoovering and mashing the children's potatoes is bringing it on for me ..sexually, you don't really offer anything I need or would enjoy...so, a 'mistress'...someone who didn't want the hoovering and mashed potatoes in their life but only sex, would they then, not want great sex../that would make sense...so why would they choose someone whose wife was quite happy doing her chores..because in having a mistress, he's running before he can walk really...


..obviously, that's taking out any betrayals and just assuming that this was all open and agreed by all involved....

[Natalie.]

There's no reason someone can't have a partner, family and pleasure without having to be unfaithful

This really and a wife isn't there just to do the cooking, have children,cleaning etc

I mean if they all agreed to it then that's fine, it just isn't something I would want :laugh:

[Cherie]

I stand behind my use of strong language ...

It is seldom true in normal everyday society. The majority of the world isn't living in some trumped up reality where women are some kind of barbie princesses looking for someone to pay their botox bill. ALL the women I know work as many hours or more as their husbands and bring in an equal share of the income, pay half the mortgage and almost all of the grocery bill, and take care of the lion share of household chores.

We don't just serve the bacon, we go out and raise the pig, slaughter it, bring it home and fry it in the pan.
welcome to not the 50's :wavey:



Yep.

[Cherie]

women only marry men for one thing, money and status, but there is other things that men can't stand about there wives, they treat there husbands like little boys, and try to change them in there own way,

:umm2: do you have any facts to back up this sweeping statement?

[Cherie]

In answer to the OP no I don't agree, it might sound like fun to be the mistress at least that is how you made it sound Kate, but what about if the mistress become emotionally involved and down the line resentment kicks in and all those special days he is with his wife (Christmas for instance) and family and you are on your own, and then you find out he lied about not having sex with his wife :laugh: etc etc ...

[arista]

A man should have a wife for the family and a mistress for pleasure.

Discuss this :

I say yes and of the two roles I'd prefer to be the mistress. I know this will be controversial :omgno:


Amazing

[arista]

Sorry I don't share, are you saying that wives are not pleasurable? That's a bit insulting don't you think? Also, I find this topic pretty sexist


No let Kate be Happy

[arista]

The issue I have with this notion isn't the unconventionality of the relationship, but with the implication that a wife's role should be that of a homemaker and nothing else :umm2:

By all means have open relationships/marriages, each to their own and all that - but the suggestion that having a wife means her only role is to cook, clean and provide emotional (and possibly financial) support to the man while he goes off and is sexually gratified elsewhere is actually quite sexist.

What about a woman having a husband for the family's financial stability and her getting off with some other blokes?

Well Spunky

[joeysteele]

No, not for me, if a mistress is required then better not to have married in the first place.
If you commit to someone then you've chosen your path and should not stray.

[Ashley.]

A very old-fashioned opinion there, Kate. I admire your bravery of sharing it, though. :laugh:

I disagree though, it would probably confuse the children more than anything.

[Josy]

Decent honest married men (or even men that are in a long term relationship) tend have no need for a mistress, I think happily being 'the mistress' in the situation says a lot of that person, they have no respect for themselves and are clearly someone that happily plays that part without feeling or guilt for the other parties involved and not just the wife or other partner but for the rest of the families too including children.

Mistresses are generally kept secret for a reason too, they are used by the so called men they get involved with and then flung to the side and ignored when it comes to more important things in the mans life like his wife and children.

I'm only replying to the husband/wife scenario due to whats said in the OP but do find the topic to be slightly sexist as it's not just men who have affairs so what I said could be applied to anyone.

[Nedusa]

Does that also mean a wife can have a husband and a toy boy lover...

[Ashley.]

Does that also mean a wife can have a husband and a toy boy lover...

Certainly not, that's BARBARIC, how could you even suggest such a thing? :nono:

[Mystic Mock]

It depends on what the Mistress looked like.:hehe::joker:

[Crimson Dynamo]

You cannot have a happy marriage if you have a mistress, you may be married but happy, respect for yourself, true to yourself?

No

You would be nothing more than a shallow cad and your life a pathetic sham

[Niamh.]

no you dont

Wow you know what i think now?

[Niamh.]

No, not for me, if a mistress is required then better not to have married in the first place.
If you commit to someone then you've chosen your path and should not stray.

Two lines and you summed it up perfectly Joey :love:

[Kizzy]

women only marry men for one thing, money and status, but there is other things that men can't stand about there wives, they treat there husbands like little boys, and try to change them in there own way,

Wow... what about women who have money and status what's their excuse? :laugh:

[Niamh.]

You cannot have a happy marriage if you have a mistress, you may be married but happy, respect for yourself, true to yourself?

No

You would be nothing more than a shallow cad and your life a pathetic sham

Exactly and as much as I find the OP insulting towards women, it's also pretty insulting towards all those decent men out there in marriages/long term relationships.

[Kizzy]

The term 'mistress' is quite out moded to be applied to any modern relationship, mistresses were taken without the consent of the wife and conducted in secret.
I don't think having a long term affair could or ever would add to a marriage, the deception and the divergence of feelings for both women would be detrimental to the marriage and if discovered could end it completely.
Personally I would not like to be the mistress, should the affair last there would be the distinct risk of developing feelings for the man you are sleeping with, added to that the need for a loving family of your own where you happily provide both a happy home life and a fulfilling sex life.
There should be no question of a divergence of roles, if that were the case we could go on forever selecting mates for specific roles... I could have Mr Monday for his bedroom prowess, Mr Tuesday the electrician, Mr Wednesday the gardener...
Hang on, I'm having a rethink....jk.

[joeysteele]

Two lines and you summed it up perfectly Joey :love:

:blush:Thank you Niamh, unusual for me, I usually go on for pages.:joker:

[Niamh.]

The term 'mistress' is quite out moded to be applied to any modern relationship, mistresses were taken without the consent of the wife and conducted in secret.
I don't think having a long term affair could or ever would add to a marriage, the deception and the divergence of feelings for both women would be detrimental to the marriage and if discovered could end it completely.
Personally I would not like to be the mistress, should the affair last there would be the distinct risk of developing feelings for the man you are sleeping with, added to that the need for a loving family of your own where you happily provide both a happy home life and a fulfilling sex life.
There should be no question of a divergence of roles, if that were the case we could go on forever selecting mates for specific roles... I could have Mr Monday for his bedroom prowess, Mr Tuesday the electrician, Mr Wednesday the gardener...
Hang on, I'm having a rethink....jk.

lol that's the funny part, if these mistresses ever did end up as the wife, would they be happy then for their husband to toddle off with their new Mistress while they stay at home and do the dishes?

I know I'm getting quite emotive about this subject but I have witnessed the complete and utter devastation this kind of thing causes a family, not just the couple themselves but kids and brothers and sisters etc etc it's not pretty and for someone like the OP to come along all flippantly like that and not give a **** about the trail of destruction those actions, all in the name of meaningless "fun" can cause, actually disgusts me

I spent months upon months trying to help someone very close to me pick up the pieces of their shattered life after a situation very similar to this.

[Kizzy]

lol that's the funny part, if these mistresses ever did end up as the wife, would they be happy then for their husband to toddle off with their new Mistress while they stay at home and do the dishes?

I know I'm getting quite emotive about this subject but I have witnessed the complete and utter devastation this kind of thing causes a family, not just the couple themselves but kids and brothers and sisters etc etc it's not pretty and for someone like the OP to come along all flippantly like that and not give a **** about the trail of destruction those actions, all in the name of meaningless "fun" can cause, actually disgusts me

I spent months upon months trying to help someone very close to me pick up the pieces of their shattered life after a situation very similar to this.

Yes me too, the notion that human emotion can be taken out of a situation like this is not realistic.

[Mystic Mock]

Tbf to Kate I don't know if she meant for it to come across the way it has done to some of the individuals on this thread, however I've also seen people that I know go through stuff like this (men and women in fact) and I wouldn't want to be some toy boy in some broken relationship between the Wife and Husband that just won't call it quits.

[Scarlett.]

This thread is... well... :shrug:

[Livia]

No. I don't do sharesies... and if a man expected me to, he'd be gone.

[Kazanne]

No. I don't do sharesies... and if a man expected me to, he'd be gone.

This ^

[Lostie!]

I think this sort of set-up is only acceptable if it's an agreement made by the husband and wife. If so, who are we to judge?

However, if the guy is just cheating on his wife then that's not something I can agree with at all.

[Niamh.]

This really and a wife isn't there just to do the cooking, have children,cleaning etc

I mean if they all agreed to it then that's fine, it just isn't something I would want :laugh:

I would like to see a show of hands for all the ladies who volunteer to be the wives in Kates little set up..... Oh yeah me please I'd like to be the servant while you go off and **** my husband :umm2:

[Livia]

I would like to see a show of hands for all the ladies who volunteer to be the wives in Kates little set up..... Oh yeah me please I'd like to be the servant while you go off and **** my husband :umm2:

LOL...

[Samuel.]

Well this thread is rather horrifying

[waterhog]

A man should have a wife for the family and a mistress for pleasure.

Discuss this :

I say yes and of the two roles I'd prefer to be the mistress. I know this will be controversial :omgno:


I am disgusted with what you are asking kate ? it is 100% out of the question- totally disgusting and just not right at all.

anyone who disagrees with me is as sensible as my poems.

every man and woman no's to keep everyone happy you have to have a little slap and tickle along the way so to suggest 1 mistress - well that is very low standards.

most of my pals have at least 4 but as I am in my prime I am proud to have 7 :laugh:


( ps if any of you out there are reading this - you no I am winding everyone up and you are the one for me. ):joker:

[Jamie89]

I am disgusted with what you are asking kate ? it is 100% out of the question- totally disgusting and just not right at all.

anyone who disagrees with me is as sensible as my poems.

every man and woman no's to keep everyone happy you have to have a little slap and tickle along the way so to suggest 1 mistress - well that is very low standards.

most of my pals have at least 4 but as I am in my prime I am proud to have 7 :laugh:


( ps if any of you out there are reading this - you no I am winding everyone up and you are the one for me. ):joker:

:joker:

[Marsh.]

women only marry men for one thing, money and status, but there is other things that men can't stand about there wives, they treat there husbands like little boys, and try to change them in there own way,

:unsure:

What about the women who marry men earning less than them?

[Marsh.]

...so, in this scenario...why does there have to be marriage involved..and not just people choosing to have multiple sexual partners..?..

:clap1:

This is what I always think when it comes to people who just can't stop themselves from cheating. Why bother entering a relationship in the first place?

Stay single and you can do and go wherever you please. :shrug:

[Marsh.]

You cannot have a happy marriage if you have a mistress, you may be married but happy, respect for yourself, true to yourself?

No

You would be nothing more than a shallow cad and your life a pathetic sham

:clap1:

[Marsh.]

Oh yeah me please I'd like to be the servant while you go off and **** my husband :umm2:

:joker::joker::joker:

[kirklancaster]

I am disgusted with what you are asking kate ? it is 100% out of the question- totally disgusting and just not right at all.

anyone who disagrees with me is as sensible as my poems.

every man and woman no's to keep everyone happy you have to have a little slap and tickle along the way so to suggest 1 mistress - well that is very low standards.

most of my pals have at least 4 but as I am in my prime I am proud to have 7 :laugh:


( ps if any of you out there are reading this - you no I am winding everyone up and you are the one for me. ):joker:

:laugh::laugh::laugh: You are a joker Hog.

[JoshBB]

Yeah... this is pretty sexist.

'A man should have a wife for the family and a mistress for pleasure' honestly is one of the most disgusting misogynistic statements I've heard in a while. Women are not products that you can choose from and they are certainly not objects to be played around with. If you want to have a polygamous relationship, I have nothing against that so long as everyone is aware that this is happening.. but honestly the whole secretive side to this seems very unfair to both the women (and the children!), and especially since one woman is essentially being used for sex.

[kirklancaster]

:clap1:

This is what I always think when it comes to people who just can't stop themselves from cheating. Why bother entering a relationship in the first place?

Stay single and you can do and go wherever you please. :shrug:

:clap1::clap1::clap1:

Serial cheats ARE serial cheats because they have NO real confidence in themselves and are deeply insecure with an unconscious or subconscious sense of worthlessness.

They NEED the reassurance of being able to seduce other women to feed their poor egos, but BECAUSE they have only superficial confidence, they also NEED a woman permanently in their lives as a fallback, a bolster for the times they fail in their quest to seduce other women.

MATURE men who have no such insecurities and who choose to seduce as many women as they can, remain single.

I do not deny the possibility that the most solid of marriages CAN become endangered because one of the partners falls unexpectedly in love with someone else.

I know my view might cause anger or controversy, but I believe that this CAN happen - it might be rare, but it can and has happened and even if the man is too weak to resist this 'feeling', he should at least be man enough to admit the truth to his partner and move out and on to be fair to the injured party.

I hate 'sharing' and cheating, so I'm afraid I do not subscribe to the OP hypothetical scenario.

I have always had a maxim which I still hold:

'Do Not Worry About Being The First Lover She's Had, Concern Yourself With Being Her Last'.

[Ammi]

...I guess that adults do have the luxury of making their own decisions and living with those decisions..but I've seen too many seriously damaged children who don't have that privilege and whose lives have fairly much been screwed from the off because of a parent only thinking about their own wants, to even take this thread seriously....