Difficult 3 year old...

[Vicky.]

I know theres a lot of parents on here, and I am hoping (sorry!) that some of you might have been through this before. And as such might be able to help.

My daughter..appears to have been possessed by a demon. I am not even exaggerating either. All day everything is a huge tantrum, endless screeching for seemingly nothing. She used to sleep fine on a night and now we have a breakdown that quite literally lasts hours. last night we had a bunch of really high pitched screaming that woke James up (who is sleeping fine) and eventually she was making herself retch with all of the kicking off and we seemed to have no option but to bring her back downstairs...where she climbed into her carseat and dropped off immediately...woke a few times through the night but was relatively easy to settle. But this is NO good longterm.

I have no idea why this has happened. Nothing helps, not us lying with her, cuddling her, leaving her alone, sitting in her room but not near her, nothing at all.

It just seems to be screaming, all day, most of the night, with short breaks of maybe 20 mins or so inbetween it all. It is affecting James, as he sees her whining all of the time and copies...and I swear I am at the end of my tether with her...I am SO close to snapping it is unbelievable, and I know that would be the wrong thing to do but come on, its been over a week of this now and nothing is helping at all. Its got to the point where I have asked my mother to take her for a few days as I really can't deal anymore, I am still recovering from an operation and I feel on the brink of a breakdown to be quite honest. Me and Gavin both have constant headaches, James is becoming a nightmare because of what hes learning off his sister, and its just ****ing ridiculous.


To make everything worse, our health visitor arrived yesterday and was moaning about a bit of mess...saying that its a sign of neglect. I have today put in a formal complaint about her and have requested no further health visitor involvement.

So yeah, any suggestions would be appreciated greatly.

[Niamh.]

Oh what a nightmare Vicky. I have to say my two were really easy toddlers (thank God) so I have no advice based on experience. The first thing I was thinking though is could it be something in her diet? Apparently, kids diets can have a big effect on their behaviour?

Really unhelpful and unprofessional comment by the health visitor though

[Vanessa]

I know theres a lot of parents on here, and I am hoping (sorry!) that some of you might have been through this before. And as such might be able to help.

My daughter..appears to have been possessed by a demon. I am not even exaggerating either. All day everything is a huge tantrum, endless screeching for seemingly nothing. She used to sleep fine on a night and now we have a breakdown that quite literally lasts hours. last night we had a bunch of really high pitched screaming that woke James up (who is sleeping fine) and eventually she was making herself retch with all of the kicking off and we seemed to have no option but to bring her back downstairs...where she climbed into her carseat and dropped off immediately...woke a few times through the night but was relatively easy to settle. But this is NO good longterm.
I have no idea why this has happened. Nothing helps, not us lying with her, cuddling her, leaving her alone, sitting in her room but not near her, nothing at all.

It just seems to be screaming, all day, most of the night, with short breaks of maybe 20 mins or so inbetween it all. It is affecting James, as he sees her whining all of the time and copies...and I swear I am at the end of my tether with her...I am SO close to snapping it is unbelievable, and I know that would be the wrong thing to do but come on, its been over a week of this now and nothing is helping at all. Its got to the point where I have asked my mother to take her for a few days as I really can't deal anymore, I am still recovering from an operation and I feel on the brink of a breakdown to be quite honest. Me and Gavin both have constant headaches, James is becoming a nightmare because of what hes learning off his sister, and its just ****ing ridiculous.


To make everything worse, our health visitor arrived yesterday and was moaning about a bit of mess...saying that its a sign of neglect. I have today put in a formal complaint about her and have requested no further health visitor involvement.

So yeah, any suggestions would be appreciated greatly.

I think maybe take her to her pediatrician? They may be able to help.

[Vicky.]

She isn't eating any differently to what she always has...everything I can think of that it could possibly be, it isn't :S

Nothing is helping, not being more strict, not giving her more attention, nothing at all. Its just screaming constantly. I refuse to leave her screaming to the point of making herself sick too..maybe this is the issue, maybe thats how to sort it out, but I disagree with that completely.

The health visitor is supposed to help with **** like this, not judge us on a few toys lying out?!

[Crimson Dynamo]

WHilst it would be impossible to try and work out what the issue is what I have found with all my lot is that things tend to be phases and sometimes you have to tough them out as best you can and they will pass.


On the downside of that advice when I used to tell ex-MrsLT "och its just a phase" she would not react well to that advice (even tho it was actually correct)

I guess its just trial and error with varying sleep, naps, food and attention as wll as some boundaries as to what is acceptable and what is not. You need to watch that you are not inadvertently rewarding this behavoir with attention.

This age 2-3 is not called the terrible twos for nowt and they can be the terrible 3's too

[Vicky.]

I think maybe take her to her pediatrician? They may be able to help.

I tried to make an appointment this morning, there is nothing for 3 weeks..as ****ing usual. I cannot deal with this for another 3 weeks I really can't.

She has an appointment with the nurse this afternoon, but realistically, what is the nurse going to do that the GP couldn't a few days back :S

[Niamh.]

She isn't eating any differently to what she always has...everything I can think of that it could possibly be, it isn't :S

Nothing is helping, not being more strict, not giving her more attention, nothing at all. Its just screaming constantly. I refuse to leave her screaming to the point of making herself sick too..maybe this is the issue, maybe thats how to sort it out, but I disagree with that completely.

The health visitor is supposed to help with **** like this, not judge us on a few toys lying out?!

Doesn't mean that she hasn't developed some sort of allergy or bad reaction to certain foods. I don't know though, as I said I don't have any experience of that sort of thing :(

[Vanessa]

She isn't eating any differently to what she always has...everything I can think of that it could possibly be, it isn't :S

Nothing is helping, not being more strict, not giving her more attention, nothing at all. Its just screaming constantly. I refuse to leave her screaming to the point of making herself sick too..maybe this is the issue, maybe thats how to sort it out, but I disagree with that completely.

The health visitor is supposed to help with **** like this, not judge us on a few toys lying out?!

One of my nephews was like this. Quite the nightmare toddler. He used to throw plates of food everywhere. He seems better now finally.

[Vicky.]

WHilst it would be impossible to try and work out what the issue is what I have found with all my lot is that things tend to be phases and sometimes you have to tough them out as best you can and they will pass.


On the downside of that advice when I used to tell ex-MrsLT "och its just a phase" she would not react well to that advice (even tho it was actually correct)

I guess its just trial and error with varying sleep, naps, food and attention as wll as some boundaries as to what is acceptable and what is not. You need to watch that you are not inadvertently rewarding this behavoir with attention.

This age 2-3 is not called the terrible twos for nowt and they can be the terrible 3's too

I have tried telling myself its just a phase..thats how I have got through it all so far. But its been far too long now and I really do feel at somepoint soon I will end up in the nut house through all of it.

We got through her colicky stage fine, but that was just 4 hours of screaming everynight, then it stopped. Went on for like 2 months, but we always knew it would end by about 10pm. This does not stop. Ever. :umm2:

[Crimson Dynamo]

Get a GP appointment and say that this is affecting your health

[Vicky.]

I tried to get a triage GP appointment today...as there are no GP appointments for 2 weeks, and no pediatrician ones for 3 weeks. GP rang me back and said I had to see the nurse. Which I can already see being quite useless...as has every nurse appointment I have ever had has been. infact they usually end with the nurse telling you to see the GP!

[erinp5]

When you leave her with your parents ...does her behaviour change ...is she more settled?

[Crimson Dynamo]

I tried to get a triage GP appointment today...as there are no GP appointments for 2 weeks, and no pediatrician ones for 3 weeks. GP rang me back and said I had to see the nurse. Which I can already see being quite useless...as has every nurse appointment I have ever had has been. infact they usually end with the nurse telling you to see the GP!

Can you offload the wee one to a Grandparent for a day or two till you get a break?

[Vanessa]

It could be a food intolerance or allergy.

[Vicky.]

When you leave her with your parents ...does her behaviour change ...is she more settled?

Apparently she is. I took her to see them a couple of days ago and she was a completely different child :S

Can you offload the wee one to a Grandparent for a day or two till you get a break?

I have asked my mum about this..she needs to check her shifts but says it will be fine...not a good solution long term though

[Kizzy]

What a horrible thing to do! Does she know of your health problems?
I'd say wear her out she sounds a bit moth eaten because she's got a lot of nervous energy, my lad was the same.
keep her out of the house as much as you can, walk her legs off or send her round the house 'finding/fetching things'.
Delegate? get family and friends to take her out for an afternoon so you can have a break and she doesn't get sick of the sight of your/dads/brothers face.
Mums and tots? soft play area, you get a cuppa and a chat they get to run riot :)
creche, anywhere you can drop them off for an hour to give you both a break.

[Vicky.]

OK we have had 5 mins of quiet, and now Gavin going into the kitchen to make a cuppa has triggered another meltdown. ****ing ridiculous. I am starting to get angry with her when it starts now, which I know doesn't help but I can't help it, its just too ****ing intense, constantly...

[Crimson Dynamo]

OK we have had 5 mins of quiet, and now Gavin going into the kitchen to make a cuppa has triggered another meltdown. ****ing ridiculous. I am starting to get angry with her when it starts now, which I know doesn't help but I can't help it, its just too ****ing intense, constantly...

dont worry, when they get in their 30s it gets a wee bit better

:fc:

[Vanessa]

Try taking her to the park to play. That's what my sister does when my youngest nephew starts to play up.

[erinp5]

If she is settled with your parents then you know she is just playing up...sounds like she is pushing your boundaries...try giving her options...what you want her to do and something like stay and scream or go to time out ...both you and your partner need to be on the same page with the discipline.

[Vicky.]

What a horrible thing to do! Does she know of your health problems?
I'd say wear her out she sounds a bit moth eaten because she's got a lot of nervous energy, my lad was the same.
keep her out of the house as much as you can, walk her legs off or send her round the house 'finding/fetching things'.
Delegate? get family and friends to take her out for an afternoon so you can have a break and she doesn't get sick of the sight of your/dads/brothers face.
Mums and tots? soft play area, you get a cuppa and a chat they get to run riot :)
creche, anywhere you can drop them off for an hour to give you both a break.

We do all of that already...its getting embarrassing to take her out in public at the moment too. You get people tutting on and whispering that you can't control your kid and that, and honestly, a couple of days back I was ready to kick the **** out of some toffee nosed twat who was loudly moaning on saying that children like Skye should be kept indoors where others don't have to put up with it.

She suddenly has a breakdown when we try to leave her at nursery too...everything sets this off.

[Vicky.]

If she is settled with your parents then you know she is just playing up...sounds like she is pushing your boundaries...try giving her options...what you want her to do and something like stay and scream or go to time out ...both you and your partner need to be on the same page with the discipline.

We do this too! And everytime we ask her stuff its 'NO!" no matter what the question and flailing herself around not giving an answer and just screaming.

I do think the daytime stuff is because she is so knackered from the nights...so if we could solve the nighttime issues the days would be better. But again, nothing we are doing is working and it seems to be getting worse, not better D:

[Livia]

My sister in law says that Calpol helps, but you have to drink the whole bottle.

Sorry you're having a rough time... and the health visitor is obviously in the wrong job.

[Vicky.]

Also don't think the speech delay helps as its frustrating her not being able to express herself fully. But again, theres a 16 week wait for speech therapy...we have waited 18 weeks now and still nothing...just keep getting told an appointment will come soon :S

[Cherie]

How old is James? It's really hard to say what it could be, is she okay at nursery? If it is just at home it could be jealousy of the baby creeping in and as LT says at that age they suddenly realise they can get their own way by screaming , its so difficult juggling an infant and a toddler, I feel for you Vicky, i would be inclined to speak to someone about how to manage it, dropping her off for a break is fine but if she is feeling jealous it may not be the answer, maybe you need to alternate and drop James off so you two have some proper time together

[Vicky.]

My sister in law says that Calpol helps, but you have to drink the whole bottle.

Sorry you're having a rough time... and the health visitor is obviously in the wrong job.

:joker: I actually did that as a child once...loved the stuff

Rather tempting to have a few mouthfuls of my morphine tbh, and be too off my tits to care. But I know thats not an option either :p

[erinp5]

We do this too! And everytime we ask her stuff its 'NO!" no matter what the question and flailing herself around not giving an answer and just screaming.

I do think the daytime stuff is because she is so knackered from the nights...so if we could solve the nighttime issues the days would be better. But again, nothing we are doing is working and it seems to be getting worse, not better D:

If it helps your not alone ...they seem to hit three and have a personality transplant..I do find the options work...but only two options and then ignore her...hard to do but you need to let her know that this is not going to be tolerated....as you say, your other little one will start to become unsettled and may start to replicate her behaviour.

[Vicky.]

How old is James? It's really hard to say what it could be, is she okay at nursery? If it is just at home it could be jealousy of the baby creeping in and as LT says at that age they suddenly realise they can get their own way by screaming , its so difficult juggling an infant and a toddler, I feel for you Vicky, i would be inclined to speak to someone about how to manage it, dropping her off for a break is fine but if she is feeling jealous it may not be the answer, maybe you need to alternate and drop James off so you two have some proper time together

He is 17 months now...never had an issue with jealousy before..except for obviously the first few weeks of bringing him home. I don't know who the hell to speak to, is the issue. The health visitor is meant to be the person to go to with stuff like this, but ours is a bitch...hpefully they switch her soon so I can try with the new one. Paeds are too in demand round here and I can't see one for 3 weeks...which we have an appointment in but I don't know if I can last that long with how it is now. GP just says shes not ill...and thats their job done...

[Crimson Dynamo]

There is only one thing for it:



http://cdn-premiere.ladmedia.fr/var/premiere/storage/images/tele/news-photos/photos-super-nanny-uk-joe-frost-la-nanny-britannique-vient-en-aide-a-des-familles-sur-teva/super-nanny-uk2/33718166-1-fre-FR/SUPER-NANNY-UK_portrait_w858.jpg

[smudgie]

Ok, this is a long shot.
How long ago did you go into hospital Vcky.
My daughter was three when I went in, it affected her quite a bit.
She not only wet her bed every night I was away but also every day at nursery.
It stopped the minute I came home, however I could not leave the room without her for a good while as she thought I was leaving her again.
I found that once I had fully recovered and was back to my normal health she became more settled.
Is funny how a little child interprets life Vicky, she might feel you may go away again, especially as you have not made a full recovery as yet.
Other than that, can you change her bedroom, or change it around even, she may have bad a nightmare and be frightened.
It does seem weird that she does not settle even with you and Hubby staying with her.
Good luck with it all, nothing worse than your child being unsettled and not sleeping.

[Cherie]

He is 17 months now...never had an issue with jealousy before..except for obviously the first few weeks of bringing him home. I don't know who the hell to speak to, is the issue. The health visitor is meant to be the person to go to with stuff like this, but ours is a bitch...hpefully they switch her soon so I can try with the new one. Paeds are too in demand round here and I can't see one for 3 weeks...which we have an appointment in but I don't know if I can last that long with how it is now. GP just says shes not ill...and thats their job done...

17 months :eek: where does the time go

[Kizzy]

Also don't think the speech delay helps as its frustrating her not being able to express herself fully. But again, theres a 16 week wait for speech therapy...we have waited 18 weeks now and still nothing...just keep getting told an appointment will come soon :S

She had a speech delay, does she have a speech and language therapist?
It could be she's frustrated about not being able to or finds it difficult to communicate.
3 weeks isn't bad really at least shes being referred on :) hang on in there xx

It was a long time ago but I remember how soul destroying talking a 'lively' child out, I feel for you :)

[Niamh.]

He is 17 months now...never had an issue with jealousy before..except for obviously the first few weeks of bringing him home. I don't know who the hell to speak to, is the issue. The health visitor is meant to be the person to go to with stuff like this, but ours is a bitch...hpefully they switch her soon so I can try with the new one. Paeds are too in demand round here and I can't see one for 3 weeks...which we have an appointment in but I don't know if I can last that long with how it is now. GP just says shes not ill...and thats their job done...

I hated my health visitor after I had Luke as well. I swear the bitch used to purposely get his name wrong too everytime she sent me out something in the post it had a different version of his name on it :fist:

[AnnieK]

Oh Vicky...its so hard isn't it? I went through something similar with my son at 3. 2 was a breeze but 3 was a nightmare. He had night terrors which seem like he's awake but he's wasn't still asleep - just screaming. If she came down last night and settled in her car seat, its not the best option but might be worth allowing that for a bit so she catches up on her sleep and then you can bedtime routine back. Do you do the same thing each night - ie bath, bed, story, quiet time etc? My little boy was such a creature of habit that for a while I thought he had a touch of autism as any little change to his routine would set him off. I was lucky that he was only a nightmare at home - out of the house he was an angel so everyone thought I was being neurotic.

[Vicky.]

Ok, this is a long shot.
How long ago did you go into hospital Vcky.
My daughter was three when I went in, it affected her quite a bit.
She not only wet her bed every night I was away but also every day at nursery.
It stopped the minute I came home, however I could not leave the room without her for a good while as she thought I was leaving her again.
I found that once I had fully recovered and was back to my normal health she became more settled.
Is funny how a little child interprets life Vicky, she might feel you may go away again, especially as you have not made a full recovery as yet.
Other than that, can you change her bedroom, or change it around even, she may have bad a nightmare and be frightened.
It does seem weird that she does not settle even with you and Hubby staying with her.
Good luck with it all, nothing worse than your child being unsettled and not sleeping.
3-4 weeks ago now. About a week after I came out...it started. Thinking about it this could very well be why she is acting out..I never really thought of this before tbh. She was unsettled when I first went in, but it was sorted within a few nights...hmm. If it is this, theres actually nothing I can do about it until it sorts itself out though..which is a daunting thought :(

Just got back from nurse..apparently she has a slight ear infection but this wont be the reason for the nighttime behavior, as she was checked by a GP 3 days back and there was nothing wrong then...so the ear infection is new development.

Nurse says they have no training or anything about sleep issues (recommended speaking to health visitor...lol...so I had to explain all of that too) but as a mum...just keep to routine as much as possible..and do not give in when she goes hysterical. Which is easy enough said but when you have to watch your child literally scream until she pukes...its not as easy :(

[Niamh.]

Oh Vicky...its so hard isn't it? I went through something similar with my son at 3. 2 was a breeze but 3 was a nightmare. He had night terrors which seem like he's awake but he's wasn't still asleep - just screaming. If she came down last night and settled in her car seat, its not the best option but might be worth allowing that for a bit so she catches up on her sleep and then you can bedtime routine back. Do you do the same thing each night - ie bath, bed, story, quiet time etc? My little boy was such a creature of habit that for a while I thought he had a touch of autism as any little change to his routine would set him off. I was lucky that he was only a nightmare at home - out of the house he was an angel so everyone thought I was being neurotic.

Oh Luke went through a phase of sleep walking and night terrors as well when he was younger, maybe 7ish? It was creepy, he'd be looking at you and talking but seeing something completely different

[Vicky.]

17 months :eek: where does the time go

Tell me about it..I felt so old celebrating Skyes 3rd birthday last week...I remember the day she was born like it was yesterday

She had a speech delay, does she have a speech and language therapist?
It could be she's frustrated about not being able to or finds it difficult to communicate.
3 weeks isn't bad really at least shes being referred on :) hang on in there xx

It was a long time ago but I remember how soul destroying talking a 'lively' child out, I feel for you :)

She doesn't have a therapist yet, shes still on the waiting list. Should be any day now though as they said 16 weeks before appointment, and we are now 2 weeks over that. Expect a bit of a delay though coming up to xmas which is understandable

I hated my health visitor after I had Luke as well. I swear the bitch used to purposely get his name wrong too everytime she sent me out something in the post it had a different version of his name on it :fist:

I have yet to speak to anyone who has actually found a health visitor useful? I honestly do not understand the point of them

Oh Vicky...its so hard isn't it? I went through something similar with my son at 3. 2 was a breeze but 3 was a nightmare. He had night terrors which seem like he's awake but he's wasn't still asleep - just screaming. If she came down last night and settled in her car seat, its not the best option but might be worth allowing that for a bit so she catches up on her sleep and then you can bedtime routine back. Do you do the same thing each night - ie bath, bed, story, quiet time etc? My little boy was such a creature of habit that for a while I thought he had a touch of autism as any little change to his routine would set him off. I was lucky that he was only a nightmare at home - out of the house he was an angel so everyone thought I was being neurotic.We have what I assume is night terrors also. Waking at 3am absolutely inconsolable...touching her makes her worse, talking does too...and shes not awake but seems it. Thats easier to deal with though as I do know what it is and after about 10 mins she falls back into a normal sleep

Yeah same routine each night. She used to LOVE bedtime, once she had had her supper and drink she would go find her blankie and get my hand to take her up to bed. Its just polar opposites now

We could have her sleeping down here yeah, but I don't want to get her into the habit, and I really don't think it will be good for her sitting for like 10 hours in her carseat each night...even for just a few nights in a row. realistically I may have no option but to do that though, as I just cannot see her so upset shes making herself ill when I know something as simple as this will calm her down :S

[Cherie]

Waiting 18 weeks for a speech therapy appt is pretty bad especially when you get there and after assessment of understanding..over,/under etc and identifying a variety of common objects you will probably be sent away with games to play to help improve vocabulary and doing thing like blowing bubbles and modelling language and sentences for her to copy, let me know if your experience is different Vicky

[Vicky.]

Waiting 18 weeks for a speech therapy appt is pretty bad especially when you get there and after assessment of understanding..over,/under etc and identifying a variety of common objects you will probably be sent away with games to play to help improve vocabulary and doing thing like blowing bubbles and modelling language and sentences for her to copy, let me know if your experience is different Vicky

I really hope this is not all it is...I dont know what to expect from them but if this is it I will be really pissed off as we already do all of this stuff with her anyway..

[Niamh.]

Tell me about it..I felt so old celebrating Skyes 3rd birthday last week...I remember the day she was born like it was yesterday



She doesn't have a therapist yet, shes still on the waiting list. Should be any day now though as they said 16 weeks before appointment, and we are now 2 weeks over that. Expect a bit of a delay though coming up to xmas which is understandable



I have yet to speak to anyone who has actually found a health visitor useful? I honestly do not understand the point of them

We have what I assume is night terrors also. Waking at 3am absolutely inconsolable...touching her makes her worse, talking does too...and shes not awake but seems it. Thats easier to deal with though as I do know what it is and after about 10 mins she falls back into a normal sleep

Yeah same routine each night. She used to LOVE bedtime, once she had had her supper and drink she would go find her blankie and get my hand to take her up to bed. Its just polar opposites now

We could have her sleeping down here yeah, but I don't want to get her into the habit, and I really don't think it will be good for her sitting for like 10 hours in her carseat each night...even for just a few nights in a row. realistically I may have no option but to do that though, as I just cannot see her so upset shes making herself ill when I know something as simple as this will calm her down :S

Sounds like Smudgie could be onto something you know Vicky, if she loved her bedtime routine before and her bedtime routine mostly involved you and then you went away?

[Vicky.]

Sounds like Smudgie could be onto something you know Vicky, if she loved her bedtime routine before and her bedtime routine mostly involved you and then you went away?

Yeah I have never thought of that before..it makes a lot of sense. Mind her bedtime was either of us, probably more Gavin than me tbh, but the whole disrupting her life by me being away for a fortnight..i would never have thought that a child would be so..bothered (wrong word but you know what I mean) by that. And that it would still be affecting her now

If it is this, which seems likely now..how one earth do I sort it out?! Been back coming up a month now and tried everything to settle her back to how she was and nothing has worked

[Vicky.]

I swear to god I could kill the incompetent surgeon who managed to do every possible wrong thing to me and keep me in for that long. have to ****ing go back too for him to break me some more.

[Niamh.]

Yeah I have never thought of that before..it makes a lot of sense. Mind her bedtime was either of us, probably more Gavin than me tbh, but the whole disrupting her life by me being away for a fortnight..i would never have thought that a child would be so..bothered (wrong word but you know what I mean) by that. And that it would still be affecting her now

If it is this, which seems likely now..how one earth do I sort it out?! Been back coming up a month now and tried everything to settle her back to how she was and nothing has worked

I have no idea, I suppose you can't even reassure her that you're not going away anymore because you probably will have to won't you?

[Vicky.]

I have no idea, I suppose you can't even reassure her that you're not going away anymore because you probably will have to won't you?

I have to go back in january, though they assure me it will be an overnight stay at most.

But I have heard that all before...

I have no faith in them at all

[Kazanne]

Aw Vicky I do feel for you,I am no expert and can only offer what I have experienced with mine,one of my little boys is always wanting attention and will try anything to get it, he is clingy and we have noticed that certain drinks can trigger his unruly behaviour,Does Skye have sweets ? we noticed Judes behaviour always changed after he ate Skittles (which he loved) so obviously they are banned as are certain drinks, as for his boisterousness I could pull my hair out sometimes the way he annoys his brother and sister,I just usually make him take time out,but he's at it again after a while,I think if it's making you feel really down ,have a world with a child expert I am sure they would help, as for the so called social worker she needs to get a job she can actually do,stupid person is supposed to be there to help you, I don't know if it's of any help,but I did hear that you can get medication from a doctor to help them sleep if they are really bad. I hope she gets better for you Vicky,it does make you feel like ****,most of us have been there in some way or another. Hugs x

[Cherie]

Yeah I have never thought of that before..it makes a lot of sense. Mind her bedtime was either of us, probably more Gavin than me tbh, but the whole disrupting her life by me being away for a fortnight..i would never have thought that a child would be so..bothered (wrong word but you know what I mean) by that. And that it would still be affecting her now

If it is this, which seems likely now..how one earth do I sort it out?! Been back coming up a month now and tried everything to settle her back to how she was and nothing has worked

It does sound very likely well done Smudgie!

[Crimson Dynamo]

Also Vicky

It might not do any harm to tidy up that bloody mess that thankfully the health visitor highlighted. Take the bloody hoover out of retirement, get all the cans and wine bottles herded up and get rid of all the takeaway detritus.

:umm2:


Its a wonder you found the child amid all that chaos


:nono:

[Vicky.]

Everythings relatively calm now, after loading her up with ibruphen and paracetamol along with antibitotics.

I feel slightly like a McCann :umm2:

Mind this was the advise of the nurse. And its about the ear infection. Not just to calm her...

[Niamh.]

:hehe:

Ear infections are awful though

[Vicky.]

Yeah I still cry for my dad when I have an ear infection I have to say, horrible things.

[Crimson Dynamo]

http://img.thesun.co.uk/aidemitlum/archive/01969/SNN0101A---1_1969046a.jpg

My living room is spotless so f you

[Niamh.]

:laugh:

[Vicky.]

My living room is fine now :hmph:

My bedroom however...its a good thing they never checked in there. Its clogged full of xmas presents everywhere, you can barely move :laugh:

[Niamh.]

What the **** does she expect anyway when you're only out of hospital and still not fixed, with a troublesome toddler and a baby?

[Vicky.]

Well I know, this is what my complaint is about. I mean, I could understand it if the house was vile. But her issue was literally a few toys in the middle of the floor, a piece of James burger on the floor (that he had just thrown there, was still eating) and that he was eating in his carseat...which he CHOSE to get into :shrug:

I'm sorry, I'm not sitting with a dustpan and brush throughout my sons whole meal, incase a little bit of food goes onto the floor for what...5 minutes?!

[Kazanne]

http://img.thesun.co.uk/aidemitlum/archive/01969/SNN0101A---1_1969046a.jpg

My living room is spotless so f you

:laugh::laugh:

[arista]

Vicky have you watched the Ch4HD series The Secret Life of 4 Year olds?


It was amazing
they put a choc . cake down

Two 4 year olds licked to Top
then told the parent
a big bird flew down and did it.

[Vanessa]

It could be the ear infection that's causing her to behave this way.

[Tom4784]

Adoption is always an option.

[Niamh.]

Dezzy! :laugh2:

[Black Dagger]

Adoption is always an option.

I was going to say this myself. I'm glad somebody else had the idea!!

[Vicky.]

:joker:

[Crimson Dynamo]

Adoption is always an option.

who would take Vicky tho, she cant even keep her gaff tidy

[jennyjuniper]

She isn't eating any differently to what she always has...everything I can think of that it could possibly be, it isn't :S

Nothing is helping, not being more strict, not giving her more attention, nothing at all. Its just screaming constantly. I refuse to leave her screaming to the point of making herself sick too..maybe this is the issue, maybe thats how to sort it out, but I disagree with that completely.

The health visitor is supposed to help with **** like this, not judge us on a few toys lying out?!

You could always contact the people in charge of the health visitors, tell them your problem and admit you need help, but also say why you don't wish the previous health visitor to visit. If you get a good health visitor (I did and she was my life-line) then she can at least offer some suggestions.
I don't pretend to be a child expert, but have your daughter checked out by your doctor. If she is fine health wise, then leaving her to cry may be the only option.
It sounds awful, but at that age they can be incredibly manipulative and soon learn what pushes your buttons.

[Vicky.]

Just had a long talk with my mum (who is at work on nights for the next week :()

She says she will have her once work ends, but for the moment...she reckons Skye is manipulating me? As apparently she is an angel when shes there. My mum reckons she has discovered that going on hysterical upsets us and such and as we gave into her once or twice...she now sees screeching as worth it :S

I wouldn't have thought a 3 year old would manipulate you like...so not sure how to take this?

[Niamh.]

she's probably right tbh Vicky, kids will get away with as much as they can.

[Vicky.]

You could always contact the people in charge of the health visitors, tell them your problem and admit you need help, but also say why you don't wish the previous health visitor to visit. If you get a good health visitor (I did and she was my life-line) then she can at least offer some suggestions.
I don't pretend to be a child expert, but have your daughter checked out by your doctor. If she is fine health wise, then leaving her to cry may be the only option.
It sounds awful, but at that age they can be incredibly manipulative and soon learn what pushes your buttons.

Yeah I was talking to the 'patient liason service' or something thing morning who are going to get the manager to call me back, said I would get the option of another HV or no contact at all. I do feel some help is needed at this stage but just not the 'help' I have got so far. I am going to give the new health visitor a shot before writing them off completely.

My mum just said the same thing about manipulation too :S

[Vicky.]

she's probably right tbh Vicky, kids will get away with as much as they can.

I just have a hard job believing what is essentially a baby...can purposely manipulate you?!

But yeah, my mum said to just leave her to cry if nothing else is working. She reckons I will have at least 3 nights of absolute hell but then it should sort itself out and be fine for the months to come

I guess my mother brought us 3 up fine (bar not teaching us to clean out sitting rooms, before trumpet comments :hehe: ) but some of the things she says seem rather...harsh

[Mokka]

Just had a long talk with my mum (who is at work on nights for the next week :()

She says she will have her once work ends, but for the moment...she reckons Skye is manipulating me? As apparently she is an angel when shes there. My mum reckons she has discovered that going on hysterical upsets us and such and as we gave into her once or twice...she now sees screeching as worth it :S

I wouldn't have thought a 3 year old would manipulate you like...so not sure how to take this?

It's my experience that they learn to manipulation very young... hence the terrible two's.

My daughter was a lovely two year old and was the devil as a three year old.
Memories I have blocked out until reading this thread :hehe:

[Ninastar]

Probably not much use to you really, but whats your mum like with her? Is she strict? I dont have kids of my own (obviously lol) but I have worked with kids for the last 6+ years and in general, I think kids have a lot more respect/love for stricter parents/teachers/carers. There's a 4 year old girl atm who will kick, hit, scream and everything else at the other members of staff, but as soon as the manager comes down, she stops and calms herself down straight away. The manager literally never gets mad with her anymore, but the little girl knows that the manager does not tolerate certain behaviour and will behave perfectly when the manager is around.

Its difficult when its your own child though. I feel for you, i really do.

[Vicky.]

Yes my mum is very strict, always has been. We have never really needed to be strict with Skye as shes always been pretty much well behaved. I guess now is time to bite the bullet though and be 'mean parents' for a while...

[Ninastar]

i think that might be the best :( as much as it sucks and will hurt, it will be better off for her in the long run. at a nursery I used to work at, there was one girl who would tantrum so much that she'd throw up and her mum asked her to leave her to it and she stopped within a day or two. Her mum said that she tried it twice at home and they didnt give a reaction, so she tried it with us and started to realise it wasnt working so didnt bother again.

[Ninastar]

jesus christ, just realised I put '4 year old teacher' instead of '4 year old girl' pahahaha

how embarrassing

[Kizzy]

Your mum sounds very wise ;)
Only room for one diva in my house :laugh: I was lucky never had bedtime shennanigans, after the story I'd put classical FM on low on the landing and that was it.

[Ross.]

Sounds like you're going through hell Vicky, I really hope it gets better for you because I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through :(

[Ammi]

....I do think that you need to be firm, Vicky..and very consistent, sort of not trying different things, or should I say doing different things to placate her but everyone, whether it be you, your partner, her grandparents etc all having that same consistency and doing the same thing..it's not being hard, it's giving her structure so giving her security...different actions each time doesn't give her that security...and from what you say, what she knows is by her actions, she can gain your attention...whether it be positive or negative attention, it's equally good to her at her age...

...sorry I don't have a lot of time so only skim read some of your posts and I think your mum is right to an extent but I also think that ..(because you've been quite poorly recently..?..)...some of her behaviour apart from the terrible twos/threes bit could be that she's a very worried little girl, which is not something she's able to communicate, other than behaving in a way that will get your attention...you, your family etc aren't the only influences in her life and all it would take is for someone with good intentions to say something like...mummy will be fine, mummy will be home soon and stuff like that, when you were in hospital...but then, she senses that mummy's not fine or mummy didn't come home when she thought she would..you know, etc, etc...so maybe a very anxious and worried little girl because she obviously loves her mum...so firm and structure/consistency, I think yeah, but reassurance as well...reassuring in a way that you feel that she's understood but always being truthful as well...mummy may have to go back into hospital etc but daddy and grandma are going to be here....sorry this is rushed, I hope it makes sense...her understanding at her age is quite a bit but her communication is much less than that understanding and there many frustrations with that, that will project in tantrum type stuff but there might be a reason of anxiety for that from her beyond a phase and because of what your whole family have been through recently....


...anyways, I always think it's the weirdest thing for healthcare visitors or whatever to comment on a home with children being a mess because of toys everywhere etc...yes it's chaos but it would worry me more and be more of a concern if all of the toys and stuff were in neat boxes and looked as though there wasn't enough play in the house...toys everywhere is the sign of a playing and imaginative child../a good thing....

[Mystic Mock]

My Nephew went through this stage of getting upset when anyone tried to speak to him or even glance at him.

The best thing to do is to tell her off and if that doesn't work then tell her that she won't get her favourite Cartoons on if she keeps screaming, if that doesn't work then threaten to eat all of her favourite Foods.

[Ammi]

...Uncle Mockmas...:laugh:..:lovedup:...

[Mystic Mock]

...Uncle Mockmas...:laugh:..:lovedup:...

My Mom always says that I go too soft on him when we have to look after him, but I still think that I know how to treat children to some degree as I was one not too long ago.:joker:

If children still get their favourite treats and Shows, and toys when they're misbehaving then they're not gonna change their naughty behaviour, I'm obviously not saying to take all of them away as that is child cruelty in my book, but I would take away the one that would affect her the most so that she sorts her behaviour out.

Btw Vicky has Skye recovered from the Flu btw? As that could be upsetting her.

[Vicky.]

Yeah shes recovered now, but as I said, this has been going on long before she even got ill...so that could have been making it a bit worse but it wasn't the cause.

Night 1 of strict mummy went quite well...too well if I dare say that :suspect: Mind she looked at me like I had just killed a puppy infront of her when I told her we were having none of the rubbish that we had been having and plopped her back into bed..but she didn't get back up again, flailed around silently for about 5 mind, then went to sleep. Come 3am she was up screeching, did the same thing and she went back off...

Its odd because this is what I was trying to do to start with and it wasn't working. I must be doing something different this time round or something..

[Niamh.]

that's great Vicky, maybe you sound more like you mean it or something? Kids are more tuned in then you'd think.

[Vicky.]

Well I did try to sound like my mum..for the first time ever :p

[Niamh.]

hahaha, you know my niece is 2 and she's spoiled rotten, gets her own way all the time or has a fit with my sister in law but anytime my mom babysits she's as good as gold, just because my mom doesn't let her get away with stuff

[Kizzy]

Well I did try to sound like my mum..for the first time ever :p

Respect my authoratay!
Only joking Vicky x
Kids are like little soldiers they love repetition, structure and routine.
My daughter was talking about this last weekend when she came home from uni, I went through a stage when she was 8ish of having set meals each day of the week...she LOVED that! went on about it for ages :laugh:

[Niamh.]

Respect my authoratay!
Only joking Vicky x
Kids are like little soldiers they love repetition, structure and routine.
My daughter was talking about this last weekend when she came home from uni, I went through a stage when she was 8ish of having set meals each day of the week...she LOVED that! went on about it for ages :laugh:

Yeah that's so true, they really are much happier when they have a routine to follow. I know it's not nice having to firm with them sometimes but it's so much better for them to not end up upsetting themselves with all the crying and tantrum throwing. Plus you're doing them a disservice sending them out into the world like that, no one is going to want to have them over or anything

[Kizzy]

Yep and if you know it's not because she can't behave, if she's good for nana it's like HANG ON... I'm being played here! ;)

[Niamh.]

yeah :laugh:

[Mystic Mock]

How's it been going today Vicky?

[Vicky.]

Last night was ****ing terrible, I must have got like 10 mins sleep overall. But it seemed to be because the wind was making her window sound like a ghost :facepalm: So thats been fixed today.

She's so much better through the day now that shes sleeping better though, so the daytime issues were definitely caused by the nighttime ones...

[Cherie]

Vicky doing more to curb teenage pregnancy than all the agencies put together :clap1:

[Kizzy]

Vicky doing more to curb teenage pregnancy than all the agencies put together :clap1:

:joker:

[Mystic Mock]

Last night was ****ing terrible, I must have got like 10 mins sleep overall. But it seemed to be because the wind was making her window sound like a ghost :facepalm: So thats been fixed today.

She's so much better through the day now that shes sleeping better though, so the daytime issues were definitely caused by the nighttime ones...

Well at least it's improving.:laugh: