Can someone be a nice person but a disgusting partner?

[Niamh.]

What do you think?

Inspired by a conversation between Josy and ITILYT

[Josy]

No definitely not, if your a horrible person then that's that.

Not saying you don't get people that act all angelic then behind doors are an absolute arsehole to their partner but then that really still makes them a horrible person doesn't it?

[Z]

I think it depends what's being defined as a disgusting partner - you could be a well liked person but have a really tempestuous relationship with your partner behind closed doors, sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad - or you could be lazy or forgetful or inconsiderate but not inherently bad.

[Niamh.]

No definitely not, if your a horrible person then that's that.

Not saying you don't get people that act all angelic then behind doors are an absolute arsehole to their partner but then that really still makes them a horrible person doesn't it?

yeah I agree with that and I think you can only hide the fact that you are infact a horrible person for so long anyway, it'll eventually seep out into other relationships with friends etc

[andybigbro]

I don't think being horrible to one person make some a horrible person.
Everybody has been nasty to someone in their life at one point. Are we all horrible people?

In terms of being a disgusting partner, there could be exceptions, perhaps the partner has been horrible to them and the relationship is not really loving anymore.

[Crimson Dynamo]

I am a nice person and a lovely partner :hee:


well when I say nice, lovely and partner


that may be stretching it somewhat

[Niamh.]

I don't think being horrible to one person make some a horrible person.
Everybody has been nasty to someone in their life at one point. Are we all horrible people?

In terms of being a disgusting partner, there could be exceptions, perhaps the partner has been horrible to them and the relationship is not really loving anymore.

I guess I mean horrible to any partner you have?

[Vicky.]

Depends on what the disgusting part means really. For example I believe its possible to be a nice person even if you have cheated before or something

About more serious stuff (domestic violence and such) no. If you are that way behind closed doors, you are not a nice person. You can ACT nice around people, but you still have a sick brain

[Drew.]

If you're generally horrible to people then thats that, but yeah i guess you can be both depending on how you behave around different people.

Our neighbors are going through a divorce at the moment, The husband is a police officer & has always been really nice to us and always seemed like a decent guy but last year she found out he was having an affair and that he was planning a future with this other woman. Now they're going through a divorce and he's refusing to leave the house until he gets some money to go and live his new life and hes generally being an arsehole towards his wife and kids. He's almost got two separate personalities.

[andybigbro]

I guess I mean horrible to any partner you have?

I think it depends on the circumstances.

If my relationship was not really a relationship anymore, and they treated me badly and I did the same out of malice then I wouldn't say I was a horrible person. One act towards one person doesn't define my whole character and personality. Yeah I did a horrible thing but it wouldn't be who I am all the time. People make mistakes.

Yeah if it was a continuous thing and there was no circumstances and they just were horrible to their partner all the time and previous partners then yes I would say they were a horrible person.

[andybigbro]

But yeah physical violence is a no go.

[Denver]

Yes I'm a nice person but a bad partner

[Crimson Dynamo]

Women analyse relationships far more than men so there is also that to factor in

[smudgie]

Depends on what the disgusting part means really. For example I believe its possible to be a nice person even if you have cheated before or something

About more serious stuff (domestic violence and such) no. If you are that way behind closed doors, you are not a nice person. You can ACT nice around people, but you still have a sick brain

Just about sums it up for me.
You can be a lovely person, but just can't be faithful, therefore not a good partner.

[Kizzy]

I think you can be a nice person but not very aware of the needs of others and able to interprate the needs of your partner very well, of course if there was any violence involved that negates the nice person tag entirely.

[Niamh.]

Women analyse relationships far more than men so there is also that to factor in

How does that factor in to this topic exactly?

also, I believe that's bulls**t, how can you generalise on what each individual feels about anything based on whether or not they have a penis :laugh:

[Crimson Dynamo]

How does that factor in to this topic exactly?

also, I believe that's bulls**t, how can you generalise on what each individual feels about anything based on whether or not they have a penis :laugh:

:nono:

stop over analysing my post

[Niamh.]

:nono:

stop over analysing my post

:smug:

[Tom4784]

I suppose it depends on what you mean. I think people who abuse their partners are just bastards through and through but outside of abuse cases I think you can be a nice person but a terrible partner if the relationship is toxic, some people just bring out the worst in each other.

It depends on the relationship I think.

[Niamh.]

I suppose it depends on what you mean. I think people who abuse their partners are just bastards through and through but outside of abuse cases I think you can be a nice person but a terrible partner if the relationship is toxic, some people just bring out the worst in each other.

It depends on the relationship I think.

Ok I guess what I meant since I got the idea from the thread about MC Harvey is, if you're a serial cheater and cheat on all your partners not just one time/one person

[Crimson Dynamo]

http://static.buzznet.com/uploads/2013/02/orig-21172061.jpg

[user104658]

"Disgusting"? No, probably not that far...

But I do think that a good person can be a bad partner. In two different sorts of circumstances. Some people are just not compatible in a relationship and yet still love each other and want to be together - to each other, they won't be "good partners", if each has a different set of priorities. It doesn't make either one right or wrong.

In the second circumstance... some people are just not emotionally equipped to be in a healthy relationship. That could be temporary, or it could just be a part of their overall character. It doesn't necessarily make them a bad person. Those sorts of people are probably best suited for short / casual relationships, though.


So yeah... a bad partner can still be a decent person. A lot of it stems from selfishness and unhappiness - certainly, that's the root of most cheating... it's not actually intended to hurt anyone, it's just placing someone elses' feeling beneath your own, which isn't "good", but EVERYONE does that in different ways at times.

Of course... outright abuse, either physical or verbal, which is unambiguously intended to harm the other person or damage them emotionally (rather than that being a side effect of another intent) is another matter. Someone who is an abusive partner is not a nice person, in any way.

[DemolitionRed]

"Disgusting"? No, probably not that far...

But I do think that a good person can be a bad partner. In two different sorts of circumstances. Some people are just not compatible in a relationship and yet still love each other and want to be together - to each other, they won't be "good partners", if each has a different set of priorities. It doesn't make either one right or wrong.

In the second circumstance... some people are just not emotionally equipped to be in a healthy relationship. That could be temporary, or it could just be a part of their overall character. It doesn't necessarily make them a bad person. Those sorts of people are probably best suited for short / casual relationships, though.

So yeah... a bad partner can still be a decent person. A lot of it stems from selfishness and unhappiness - certainly, that's the root of most cheating... it's not actually intended to hurt anyone, it's just placing someone elses' feeling beneath your own, which isn't "good", but EVERYONE does that in different ways at times.

Of course... outright abuse, either physical or verbal, which is unambiguously intended to harm the other person or damage them emotionally (rather than that being a side effect of another intent) is another matter. Someone who is an abusive partner is not a nice person, in any way.

I agree with this^

My other half got on really well with one of his work collegues until we all went out for dinner one night. As he introduced his wife he said, "This is Annie, she's a bit fat and very smelly but she's nice really". My husband was so disgusted with that introduction that he decided this guy was not a nice person. I reminded him that although he didn't like the way he introduced his wife, his wife seemed to find it quite funny (though she may of been embarrassed) and therefore he shouldn't be judgemental.

[kirklancaster]

Depends on what the disgusting part means really. For example I believe its possible to be a nice person even if you have cheated before or something

About more serious stuff (domestic violence and such) no. If you are that way behind closed doors, you are not a nice person. You can ACT nice around people, but you still have a sick brain

This TBH.

[Kizzy]

I agree with this^

My other half got on really well with one of his work collegues until we all went out for dinner one night. As he introduced his wife he said, "This is Annie, she's a bit fat and very smelly but she's nice really". My husband was so disgusted with that introduction that he decided this guy was not a nice person. I reminded him that although he didn't like the way he introduced his wife, his wife seemed to find it quite funny (though she may of been embarrassed) and therefore he shouldn't be judgemental.

Aw :joker: you see initially I would laugh but I can see why that would be uncomfortable as it's setting her on the backfoot. If he'd said 'this is Annie, I know whats she doing with a fat smelly bloke like me?' that would be better, it's still a comedy intro :laugh:

[Ashley.]

They can be a nice person to other people. But they wouldn't be a nice person in my books.

[lostalex]

Yes, absolutely. some people bring out the worst in other people. There're definitely some partners that drive you into being an asshole because they are so manipulative and emotionally abusive.

[waterhog]

I promise I will be a nice person if you will be my partner - please state clearly below and I will review the list (joke).

[Ithinkiloveyoutoo]

But yeah physical violence is a no go.

Oh physical violence is the other extreme. Unforgivable.

But if we're talking a partner that's incapable of being faithful-I believe someone can be a nice person but a lousy partner. I knew someone that was the sweetest, kindess, most supportive person I knew but for the life of him couldn't stay faithful even though he loved his gf and cried at the thought of losing her.