Dating married men/women

[Ashley.]

What are your feelings on it? Could you date someone knowing that they're married?

[Mokka]

No...what would be the point? Even if their marriage is bad...or ending... then deal with that and end it first....then we can talk

[Amy Jade]

Yeah I would not my fault their husbands a cheat

[Marsh.]

Yeah I would not my fault their husbands a cheat

:umm2:

[Lostie!]

No. I think it's pretty awful and makes you no better than the person cheating if you're fully aware of it.

I also don't see why someone would be content with being the bit on the side.

[Oaker]

if I really liked them then yeah why not

[Niamh.]

No, it'd be the first clue that this person is an untrustworthy arsehole :hee:

[Natalie.]

No I couldn't do that, I'd feel guilty and don't see the point

[T*]

if he dick long http://i.imgur.com/ApjrbOo.png

[Jake.]

Yeah I would not my fault their husbands a cheat

completely the wrong attitude imo

fully against it

[T*]

i'm kidding btw

[Amy Jade]

if he dick long http://i.imgur.com/ApjrbOo.png

:laugh2:

[Marsh.]

completely the wrong attitude imo

fully against it

Yeah, it's kind of a "I'm going to help these men load their van, not my fault they just stole it all". :laugh:

[Mokka]

i'm kidding btw

We know Tom :smug:

[VanessaFeltz.]

thats disgusting

[Cal.]

Yeah I would not my fault their husbands a cheat

Oh yes!

[Amy Jade]

Yeah, it's kind of a "I'm going to help these men load their van, not my fault they just stole it all". :laugh:

Dating a married man is not illegal though. There must be problems or he would be faithful. I'd never cheat if I happened to be in a relationship but if I met somebody who happened to be married and we had feelings for each other i wouldnt ignore those feelings :shrug:

[Ashley.]

Dating a married man is not illegal though. There must be problems or he would be faithful. I'd never cheat if I happened to be in a relationship but if I met somebody who happened to be married and we had feelings for each other i wouldnt ignore those feelings :shrug:

I think you're ignoring the fact that there are people who are prepared to cheat regardless of the quality of their marriage - and you're ignoring the fact that whilst you're with him, there's an innocent woman who isn't.

[Marsh.]

Dating a married man is not illegal though. There must be problems or he would be faithful. I'd never cheat if I happened to be in a relationship but if I met somebody who happened to be married and we had feelings for each other i wouldnt ignore those feelings :shrug:

I'm not suggesting it's illegal.

I'm commenting on the fact of aiding someone doing something wrong but absolving yourself of any blame in the proceedings.

You wouldn't ignore the feelings? That's you actively disrupting a marriage.

[Crimson Dynamo]

No thanks.

[Amy Jade]

Still not my fault. I owe nobody my loyalty if im single.

[Ashley.]

Still not my fault. I owe nobody my loyalty if im single.

So if you're on the receiving end of a cheating husband, you wouldn't feel any animosity towards the woman that he cheated on you with?

[Marsh.]

Still not my fault. I owe nobody my loyalty if im single.

Oh, the responsibility of the cheating is solely on the person who's in a relationship/married etc. But to think it absolves you/the other person of ANY blame is completely false IMO.

[Amy Jade]

So if you're on the receiving end of a cheating husband, you wouldn't feel any animosity towards the woman that he cheated on you with?

No not at all. I got cheated on and I blamed my boyfriend as he was the one who had commitments to me

[Ashley.]

No not at all. I got cheated on and I blamed my boyfriend as he was the one who had commitments to me

How did you feel when he cheated?

[Kyle]

Still not my fault. I owe nobody my loyalty if im single.

You'll change your tune when you come home to your husband nobbing your next door neighbours daughter one day. :grin2:

[Jack_]

Amy's right on this one. The only person that's responsible for a relationship is the people who are in it, if you're single it's not your problem.

Does it make you a bit of a dick? Probably, but it's still the fault of the person in the relationship for jeopardising it :shrug: I hate nothing more than when it transpires someone cheats and the single party gets blamed (usually the woman) and screamed at while often the cheater gets away with it, it's sexist nonsense that shouldn't be encouraged

To answer the question...a married person? I really don't think so. In fact, 'dating' is probably a bit too strong regardless. I don't think I could personally ~date~ someone who was in a relationship, it just seems a bit pointless, you aren't exactly the priority and it's a little too much. But if I were drunk and the opportunity of a one off thing presented itself? Eh, I don't know...maybe. It's one of those things I don't think I'd truly know until I was in the situation - a penis/head dilemma

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

married dick :lovedup:

[Will.]

If you know the man/woman is married then have some basic moral values and stay the **** away.

[Lostie!]

Amy's right on this one. The only person that's responsible for a relationship is the people who are in it, if you're single it's not your problem.

Does it make you a bit of a dick? Probably, but it's still the fault of the person in the relationship for jeopardising it :shrug: I hate nothing more than when it transpires someone cheats and the single party gets blamed (usually the woman) and screamed at while often the cheater gets away with it, it's sexist nonsense that shouldn't be encouraged

To answer the question...a married person? I really don't think so. In fact, 'dating' is probably a bit too strong regardless. I don't think I could personally ~date~ someone who was in a relationship, it just seems a bit pointless, you aren't exactly the priority and it's a little too much. But if I were drunk and the opportunity of a one off thing presented itself? Eh, I don't know...maybe. It's one of those things I don't think I'd truly know until I was in the situation - a penis/head dilemma

And nobody here is encouraging that. Quite the opposite actually, people are simply holding both parties equally to account, as they should be.

[Marsh.]

You'll change your tune when you come home to your husband nobbing your next door neighbours daughter one day. :grin2:

You watch too much porn. :nono:

[LukeB]

Probably not especially if they have kids that's more awful but if I have feelings for them then I don't know.

[Livia]

If he cheats for you he'll cheat on you.

[Lostie!]

Probably not especially if they have kids that's more awful but if I have feelings for them then I don't know.

But even if you had feelings for them, wouldn't you rather they reciprocate that by entering a proper relationship with you rather than having you as their bit on the side while they continue to be married?

[Kyle]

You watch too much porn. :nono:

:shrug: What? My doctor said it was good for me. Also makes the sheep nearby sleep a lot soundly at night too. :grin2:

[Jack_]

And nobody here is encouraging that. Quite the opposite actually, people are simply holding both parties equally to account, as they should be.

I didn't say anybody was, it was a generalised remark...let's not go down this road again.

Both parties are not on the same level of blame in the slightest. One is in a relationship, the other is not. The only people responsible for maintaining a relationship are the people in it, it's their relationship and nobody else's. If you cheat, that's your fault and your problem. If you're the third party then yeah sure it's a bit twatty to go along with it, but it's not your relationship and strictly speaking as a single person you're entitled to do what you like.

All of the blame (or at least the majority of it) lies with the person in the relationship, it's not 50/50 by any stretch of the imagination.

[Marsh.]

But even if you had feelings for them, wouldn't you rather they reciprocate that by entering a proper relationship with you rather than having you as their bit on the side while they continue to be married?

Yeah, I think cheating with a married/committed person shows a lack of self respect really, never mind for anyone else.

[Jack_]

If he cheats for you he'll cheat on you.

This is probably another reason why 'dating' would be out of the question, surely. A one off though? Not the same circumstances.

[Tom4784]

I'm no one's bit on the side.

If they are separated then maybe if they are in the right headspace about it all but I refuse to be anyone's rebound.

[Lostie!]

I didn't say anybody was, it was a generalised remark...let's not go down this road again.

Both parties are not on the same level of blame in the slightest. One is in a relationship, the other is not. The only people responsible for maintaining a relationship are the people in it, it's their relationship and nobody else's. If you cheat, that's your fault and your problem. If you're the third party then yeah sure it's a bit twatty to go along with it, but it's not your relationship and strictly speaking as a single person you're entitled to do what you like.

All of the blame (or at least the majority of it) lies with the person in the relationship, it's not 50/50 by any stretch of the imagination.

I wasn't going down any "road" :unsure:

And I'd just find it really spineless if someone would willingly go with someone they know is cheating and then turn around and say "Not my fault, not my problem". I wouldn't blame them any more than my partner (I agree that's nonsense) but I certainly wouldn't blame them any less either. Both people involved would have shown themselves have a pretty ****ed up moral compass as far as I'm concerned.

Unless the other person genuinely didn't know, they absolutely deserve to be judged for their part and I'll always stand by that.

[bots]

Relationships are complicated enough without adding in any extra excitement.

[Amy Jade]

Jack is pretty much saying what I think.

Would I feel bad for the guys wife? yeah probably but I still wouldnt blame myself. His relationship to maintain not mine.

[Jack_]

I wasn't going down any "road" :unsure:

And I'd just find it really spineless if someone would willingly go with someone they know is cheating and then turn around and say "Not my fault, not my problem". I wouldn't blame them any more than my partner (I agree that's nonsense) but I certainly wouldn't blame them any less either. Both people involved would have shown themselves have a pretty ****ed up moral compass as far as I'm concerned.

Unless the other person genuinely didn't know, they absolutely deserve to be judged for their part and I'll always stand by that.

But the single party isn't responsible for someone else's relationship. I understand why people think it's morally wrong and makes you a bit of a dick - I'm not saying I disagree - but the bottom line of it is that the only people who are responsible for maintaining a relationship are the people in it. Conversely, you can actually end up in a scenario where the cheater can protest 'but they came onto me :( and I couldn't resist, I'm so sorry but they were really trying it :(' and I don't think that should be used to either blame the third party more (which I know you've said you agree) or indeed just as much as the cheater. The two people are not in the same positions, one is single, the other is the one in the relationship.

Ultimately we're never going to agree on this though and it's probably for the best that we don't have an argument about it

[Jamie89]

I wouldn't personally but I agree with the pov that the majority of blame should go to the person who's married. It think regardless of morality, because even if both were equally wrong morally (which personally I don't think they would be, but lets just say for arguments sake they are) there's still the issue of commitment... the single person isn't breaking a commitment they've made, the married person is. And yes they're both willfully hurting someone, but it's the married person who is supposed to care about them and have a responsibility towards them.

[Mokka]

:shrug: What? My doctor said it was good for me. Also makes the sheep nearby sleep a lot soundly at night too. :grin2:

:laugh2:

[Ross.]

It's a no from me

[Jake.]

i don't think "who gets blamed" is the issue on this one

[Lostie!]

I wouldn't personally but I agree with the pov that the majority of blame should go to the person who's married. It think regardless of morality, because even if both were equally wrong morally (which personally I don't think they would be, but lets just say for arguments sake they are) there's still the issue of commitment... the single person isn't breaking a commitment they've made, the married person is. And yes they're both willfully hurting someone, but it's the married person who is supposed to care about them and have a responsibility towards them.

I don't really see how there's a difference in how they've behaved morally. Sure, one has broken a commitment (I don't dispute that), but the other has willingly partaken in that and so can't really have much of a problem with the idea of someone doing that (until it happens to them, I presume) so I just can't personally place them on any higher of a moral footing. :shrug:

You can't cheat all by yourself. There has to be someone else on the other end and that's why I think that other person deserves to be held accountable just as much (providing they knew, of course).

[Jamie89]

I don't really see how there's a difference in how they've behaved morally. Sure, one has broken a commitment (I don't dispute that), but the other has willingly partaken in that and so can't really have much of a problem with the idea of someone doing that (until it happens to them, I presume) so I just can't personally place them on any higher of a moral footing. :shrug:

You can't cheat all by yourself. There has to be someone else on the other end and that's why I think that other person deserves to be held accountable just as much (providing they knew, of course).

I just think that even though both parties are accountable for what they're doing, it's a bigger leap to cheat on someone you love/someone you've made a commitment with, than it is to take part in breaking up someone's relationship and hurt someone you don't know. Neither of those things are 'right' but I have a hard time seeing them as equal. I was in a serious relationship and got cheated on and it was the most painful thing I've ever been through but I never really gave a second thought to the other guy... I dunno it's hard to put a ratio on how responsible someone is or what someone's morality is really, so thinking about it more I don't know where I stand on it exactly... but when it happened to me I blamed my ex entirely because the way I saw it was, even if they both wanted to sleep with each other, my ex was the one who should have tried harder not to, because he's the one who had put himself in a situation with me where he had that responsibility. And if you're going to take on a responsibility like committing yourself to another person, I don't think you can be judged in the same way as someone who hasn't, because the two people involved are in different situations. I don't know if I'm explaining it well. But he had extra choices basically. For example he could have broken up with me first but he decided not to. The 'other guy' didn't have that option. I just think it's different tbh.

[Dollface]

If him and his wife had kids together... definitely not. But if I happened to fall for a married man, I'd probably go there yeah but i'd feel terrible and make him tell his wife and break it off - if he refused to leave her, i'd leave him.

[Dollface]

Probably not especially if they have kids that's more awful but if I have feelings for them then I don't know.

That's exactly how I feel Luke (HI BTW :love: long time no see!) I'd feel really guilty but if I had feeling for them I know the feelings would take over and turn me into a heartless lustful bitch BUT if kids were involved then I know that would detour me away from the bloke because I aint about to wreck a family. And before anyone says "OH BUT YOU'D HAPPILY WRECK A MARRIAGE YOU SWINE" I don't think wrecking a marriage is as bad because people break up ALL the time

[LukeB]

That's exactly how I feel Luke (HI BTW :love: long time no see!) I'd feel really guilty but if I had feeling for them I know the feelings would take over and turn me into a heartless lustful bitch BUT if kids were involved then I know that would detour me away from the bloke because I aint about to wreck a family. And before anyone says "OH BUT YOU'D HAPPILY WRECK A MARRIAGE YOU SWINE" I don't think wrecking a marriage is as bad because people break up ALL the time

Long time no speak indeed :love:

Yeah I wouldn't go near a family because that has more effect on the children , but if I had feelings for this guy and they are married and they are not happy in their marriage I will most likely date them but tell them to end it when they are ready. Some people only stay in marriage because they will be lonely and feel they need to, so I could be one to give him a reason he doesn't need to stay in a marriage. If they are happy then no I wouldn't go there tbh.

[Marsh.]

That's exactly how I feel Luke (HI BTW :love: long time no see!) I'd feel really guilty but if I had feeling for them I know the feelings would take over and turn me into a heartless lustful bitch BUT if kids were involved then I know that would detour me away from the bloke because I aint about to wreck a family. And before anyone says "OH BUT YOU'D HAPPILY WRECK A MARRIAGE YOU SWINE" I don't think wrecking a marriage is as bad because people break up ALL the time

That's a silly excuse though.

That's like saying, murder isn't that bad because people die ALL the time. :smug:

[Dollface]

Long time no speak indeed :love:

Yeah I wouldn't go near a family because that has more effect on the children , but if I had feelings for this guy and they are married and they are not happy in their marriage I will most likely date them but tell them to end it when they are ready. Some people only stay in marriage because they they will be lonely and feel they need to, so I could be one to give him a reason he doesn't need to stay in a marriage. If they are happy then no I wouldn't go there tbh.

Yeah exactly like if they are willing to cheat, obviously they're not happy in their marriage and would most likely end it eventually anyway regardless of whether or not we were to date them. And also i'm kinda selfish and think, if I have feelings for someone, why should I not pursue him just because he was stupid enough to marry someone he's not fully in love with.
That's a silly excuse though.

That's like saying, murder isn't that bad because people die ALL the time. :smug:


It's not like that at all :hmph:

[Kyle]

That's exactly how I feel Luke (HI BTW :love: long time no see!) I'd feel really guilty but if I had feeling for them I know the feelings would take over and turn me into a heartless lustful bitch BUT if kids were involved then I know that would detour me away from the bloke because I aint about to wreck a family. And before anyone says "OH BUT YOU'D HAPPILY WRECK A MARRIAGE YOU SWINE" I don't think wrecking a marriage is as bad because people break up ALL the time

Just out of interest (and this isn't me judging you btw or anything) but say you were married for 5 years with some guy and a women co-worker of his who knew fine well he was married to you lusted after him so badly and eventually got him into bed.

Now despite the fact your husband is clearly in the wrong and the ultimate wrongdoer in this affair let's put that aside and think about the woman for one second. How would you ultimately feel about her knowing that she lusted after your husband and despite knowing he was married to you made every effort she could to get him in the sack. Would you shrug your shoulders and feel 'ah well it's fair game at the end of the day' or would you feel some sort of resentment towards her for her actions?

[Northern Monkey]

Not a relationship but i've banged a few married women.

[Mokka]

Yeah exactly like if they are willing to cheat, obviously they're not happy in their marriage and would most likely end it eventually anyway regardless of whether or not we were to date them. And also i'm kinda selfish and think, if I have feelings for someone, why should I not pursue him just because he was stupid enough to marry someone he's not fully in love with.



It's not like that at all :hmph:

Why would you want to be with someone who wasn't mature enough to end it first ... before dating others. It's allowing yourself to be a crutch and setting yourself up for a codependent relationship to allow someone else to use you like that

[Black Dagger]

I've gone 5 years without dick. I'm past caring at this point, I'll bang what I can bang!!

[the truth]

the grey area is when they say theyre seprated and awaiting the divorce papers...how do you double check that?

[Jason.]

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mecpjmbZJA1qd4d7jo1_250.gif

[the truth]

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mecpjmbZJA1qd4d7jo1_250.gif

what a chippy broad

[Mokka]

the grey area is when they say theyre seprated and awaiting the divorce papers...how do you double check that?

Well..presumably then if they are separated...they are not living together

But yeah...there is a bit of a grey area in there... and also when someone flat out lies to you and says they are single unmarried or not dating anyone else. Those things are beyond your control sometimes when you are putting your trust in another person.

[the truth]

Well..presumably then if they are separated...they are not living together

But yeah...there is a bit of a grey area in there... and also when someone flat out lies to you and says they are single unmarried or not dating anyone else. Those things are beyond your control sometimes when you are putting your trust in another person.

moronic shows like loose women or mathew wright in the morning always fails to question the subtle complexities involved for their dumbed down audience and their dummy cards telling them all when to clap

[Mokka]

moronic shows like loose women or mathew wright in the morning always fails to question the subtle complexities involved for their dumbed down audience and their dummy cards telling them all when to clap

Not sure what this has to do with my post...and I never watch daytime telly anyways so I have no idea what they say.

[Dollface]

Just out of interest (and this isn't me judging you btw or anything) but say you were married for 5 years with some guy and a women co-worker of his who knew fine well he was married to you lusted after him so badly and eventually got him into bed.

Now despite the fact your husband is clearly in the wrong and the ultimate wrongdoer in this affair let's put that aside and think about the woman for one second. How would you ultimately feel about her knowing that she lusted after your husband and despite knowing he was married to you made every effort she could to get him in the sack. Would you shrug your shoulders and feel 'ah well it's fair game at the end of the day' or would you feel some sort of resentment towards her for her actions?

That is a very valid point, I would hate for it to happen to me and I would DETEST the woman that slept with my husband, I'd think she was a slut and I'd probably hate her even more than I hate him even though his actions were slightly worse. So yes it's a weird one...
I personally wouldn't have a relationship with a married man purely sexually based, there would have to be feelings/love involved for me to let my morals slip enough to sleep with someone that has a wife. I'm not even sure I would do something like that, but right now i'm kinda desperate for a man to love me lol so in the mindset i'm in right now, I probably would, though any other time i've been like "EW any girl that sleeps with a married man is disgusting" so I'm not 100% sure if I could actually stoop so low.

[the truth]

Not sure what this has to do with my post...and I never watch daytime telly anyways so I have no idea what they say.

i was referring to our innane banal stupid so called culture where so called tv experts spout their one dimensional drivel to millions and people actually listen
there is little advice out there on how to handle the subtle complexities of relationships especially in regards recently seperated couples

[Mokka]

i was referring to our innane banal stupid so called culture where so called tv experts spout their one dimensional drivel to millions and people actually listen
there is little advice out there on how to handle the subtle complexities of relationships especially in regards recently seperated couples

I think all relations and breakups have their unique complexities so there aren't any hard and fast rules... and I mean, going back to the OP... sometimes the heart wants what it wants and the best intentions to not do harm and be involved in the ending of another relationship isn't achievable.

I think if you are seperated... then dating others is fair game...but be wary of them still " working things out" or being on the rebound. It's only your heart that will get damaged if the feelings go deeper than those of who you are dating.

[Jessica.]

If he cheats for you he'll cheat on you.

This is my stance on it.

[Kyle]

That is a very valid point, I would hate for it to happen to me and I would DETEST the woman that slept with my husband, I'd think she was a slut and I'd probably hate her even more than I hate him even though his actions were slightly worse. So yes it's a weird one...
I personally wouldn't have a relationship with a married man purely sexually based, there would have to be feelings/love involved for me to let my morals slip enough to sleep with someone that has a wife. I'm not even sure I would do something like that, but right now i'm kinda desperate for a man to love me lol so in the mindset i'm in right now, I probably would, though any other time i've been like "EW any girl that sleeps with a married man is disgusting" so I'm not 100% sure if I could actually stoop so low.

Fair and honest answer thanks.

Don't worry though, you'll find someone soon enough no doubt. And in the unlikely chance that you don't there's always 'the truth' you can fall back on. He desperately needs a good woman to make an honest man of him :grin2:

[Ammi]

..I don't think that cheating is about sex so much..(obviously sex is involved..)..but it's more the lying and the deceit from the person that someone has trusted more than anyone else in the world..the person that they've put their complete faith in and then who just becomes like a complete stranger to them when they realise the lies etc in the affair...if that isn't true/their relationship and their belief in the person they love, then everything about themselves is questioned as well....I don't think it's black and white and a one size fits all though, so it's hard to apportion blame really...obviously always the person in the marriage because they're the ones who have deceived and broken trust but with the other person..?...sometimes, that person is known to the wife/husband as well and their can be direct broken trust there as well...a friend, maybe..?...but even if not..if it was a work colleague for instance, it's also the thing that the cheating partner has made that work place an association of betrayal and so painful....and if we can't even be fine with our partner going off to work..?...or if it was something that had happened while socialising..then we can't then even be ok with a partner going out with friends anymore because of suspicion and hurt..?...it really just breaks everything and the sex bit, really becomes almost insignificant in that..(I know it's not but..)...


....anyways, it's interesting when children are involved as it feeling maybe something that wouldn't be done..?...I understand that but there are virtually always families involved though and in many situations, not just the wife/husband that would be hurt and it would cause so much pain to....if anyone has a child who has ever been cheated on, they'll know the pain of having someone they trusted in their lives as well, of them being a part of their family and how they very much feel 'cheated on' as well with the realisation of lies and that person is not who you thought they were at all and has so little thought or regard for you that they could hurt your family ...


...I think yes, always more responsibility and therefore, blame on the person in the marriage/relationship but the other person as well has to be ok with hurting people, they have to enter into it with full knowledge that, that's inevitably going to happen and that if their actions were different, maybe that person and others around them/their families wouldn't be feeling the 'broke' that they're going to feel...and that's not something that everyone would be ok with either...it's not something that I would be ok with or could dismiss from my heart at all, to cause someone to question there whole selves....

[Niamh.]

the grey area is when they say theyre seprated and awaiting the divorce papers...how do you double check that?

If they're actually separated then I would think that's ok......as long as they're both aware that they're separated :laugh:

[armand.kay]

I wouldn't date them or get my emotions involved coz it will all just end up being messy but I wouldn't lose any sleep if I slept with someone who is married.

[Crimson Dynamo]

I wouldn't date them or get my emotions involved coz it will all just end up being messy but I wouldn't lose any sleep if I slept with someone who is married.

maybe your opinion would change if you were married?

[Ammi]

I wouldn't date them or get my emotions involved coz it will all just end up being messy but I wouldn't lose any sleep if I slept with someone who is married.

..that's the thing, it would be that simple for the other person because they haven't got the commitment and they wouldn't be deceiving but for the wife/husband...it would be so much more and a betrayal of everything they believed in../even a world falling apart type thing...I just think that not everyone could feel as though it's possible to be part of something who could emotionally hurt another human being in that way..I know I couldn't, regardless of whether I knew that person or not...

[smudgie]

What goes around comes around..and Karma is a bitch.
Just be prepared for the fact that you wouldn't be able to trust a cheater.
Different if there is no actual commitment of course. Then anything goes.

[ArgyESC]

No...what would be the point? Even if their marriage is bad...or ending... then deal with that and end it first....then we can talk

Exactly this.

[Josy]

Pointless really isn't it, it's not gonna go anywhere and your pretty much the '****boy/girl' and nothing more.

[thesheriff443]

both married men and women cheat, not all affairs end, some go on to be long term relationships that include marriage and children.
Most affairs are just people taking what's on offer

Some people stay married out of duty not out of love,

[thesheriff443]

I think some people treat marriage or relationships like jobs
They don't leave one until they got another one lined up.

[Toy Soldier]

Just to throw a spanner in everyone's works;

What if it isn't cheating?

[Niamh.]

Just to throw a spanner in everyone's works;

What if it isn't cheating?

Like if it were an open relationship? I'm sure that excuse is used alot :laugh: But for me, even if it were a genuine open relationship, I don't share and am not into open relationships so it would be a no from me

[thesheriff443]

Just to throw a spanner in everyone's works;

What if it isn't cheating?

Your in the wrong thread:laugh:

[Toy Soldier]

Your in the wrong thread:laugh:

Well I guess, but the question is how you would feel about dating married men/women, not "how would you feel about dating someone who is betraying their partner". It's a different question :joker:

[thesheriff443]

Well I guess, but the question is how you would feel about dating married men/women, not "how would you feel about dating someone who is betraying their partner". It's a different question :joker:

I was being silly, for every liar there is someone telling the truth.

[Toy Soldier]

Anyway, my answer is that life is life (and you only get one!) and adults are adults and everyone is different, so what it comes down to at the end of the day, is honesty. Someone who would lie / cheat / betray is not someone you should easily trust, and I would say likewise, someone who is OK with being "the other person" knowing that someone is being betrayed, is probably also not a good person. The concept of ethical non-monogamy though is not really a moral question so much as a personal choice; if everyone involved is OK, it shouldn't be for anyone else to judge. I do often feel like people coast through life making fewer meaningful connections than they could (obviously that doesn't have to involve sex! Just the whole thing, close friendships, emotional connections) and end up in their elderly years with some regrets? It's definitely not black and white, for me.

[Toy Soldier]

Like if it were an open relationship? I'm sure that excuse is used alot [emoji23] But for me, even if it were a genuine open relationship, I don't share and am not into open relationships so it would be a no from me
Out of interest on that point though, where is the "line" though or where should it be? Everyone seems to be different, even if you're talking platonic relationships... Some people are OK with their partner having deep connections with others regardless of gender (which should be irrelevant in a platonic friendship really) but I know a lot of people who simply don't like to think of their partner having deep / complex personal relationships with other people even of the purely non-sexual variety. Is it / should it be a problem? Is it purely down to insecurity? I think often people have trust issues and assume that there "must" be more to it.

[Niamh.]

Out of interest on that point though, where is the "line" though or where should it be? Everyone seems to be different, even if you're talking platonic relationships... Some people are OK with their partner having deep connections with others regardless of gender (which should be irrelevant in a platonic friendship really) but I know a lot of people who simply don't like to think of their partner having deep / complex personal relationships with other people even of the purely non-sexual variety. Is it / should it be a problem? Is it purely down to insecurity? I think often people have trust issues and assume that there "must" be more to it.

I don't know, Gav doesn't have any close female friends besides his sister and I don't have any close male friends besides my brothers so it's never been an issue for us. I do think alot of people would find it difficult to have a purely platonic relationship with the opposite sex though, from what I've experienced usually atleast one of the parties involved fancies the other :p

[Toy Soldier]

I don't know, Gav doesn't have any close female friends besides his sister and I don't have any close male friends besides my brothers so it's never been an issue for us. I do think alot of people would find it difficult to have a purely platonic relationship with the opposite sex though, from what I've experienced usually atleast one of the parties involved fancies the other :p

So its the "when Harry met Sally" question then (I think it's Harry that insists men and women can't be just friends). I'm not convinced though - I don't think "fancying" someone is a huge deal and it's a million miles from having something actually happen beyond just that... I also tend to think that anyone who claims that during a long term relationship they have NEVER even vaguely fancied anyone else is probably not being entirely honest :joker:.

I've been thinking a lot lately, about life, about how really it's all about connections, about how I don't have as many as I'd probably like at this point and about some really good connections that I've had in the past and let go of carelessly. I think a lot of the world is pretty lonely, I guess, and that ironically part of the cause of that is insecurity and jealousy. I've even seen plenty of people get insecure about their partners having deep connections with old friends of the same sex. Jealous of time spent with them, etc. Which I understand when people have generally busy lives but I dunno. Just wish I properly "knew" more people beyond superficial niceties.

[Niamh.]

So its the "when Harry met Sally" question then (I think it's Harry that insists men and women can't be just friends). I'm not convinced though - I don't think "fancying" someone is a huge deal and it's a million miles from having something actually happen beyond just that... I also tend to think that anyone who claims that during a long term relationship they have NEVER even vaguely fancied anyone else is probably not being entirely honest :joker:.

I've been thinking a lot lately, about life, about how really it's all about connections, about how I don't have as many as I'd probably like at this point and about some really good connections that I've had in the past and let go of carelessly. I think a lot of the world is pretty lonely, I guess, and that ironically part of the cause of that is insecurity and jealousy. I've even seen plenty of people get insecure about their partners having deep connections with old friends of the same sex. Jealous of time spent with them, etc. Which I understand when people have generally busy lives but I dunno. Just wish I properly "knew" more people beyond superficial niceties.

Oh God, I'm the opposite, I have 4 close girlfriends and tbh it's hard enough trying to keep the connection with them and my family both my own husband and kids and my brothers and mom, Gavs family without trying to add other people into the mix too!

as for your point about fancying people, of course you're going to fancy other people or atleast notice that someone is attractive, I'm not saying that at all but spending time working on "connections" with someone you also find attractive is dangerous ground really.......imo anyhow

[Mokka]

So its the "when Harry met Sally" question then (I think it's Harry that insists men and women can't be just friends). I'm not convinced though - I don't think "fancying" someone is a huge deal and it's a million miles from having something actually happen beyond just that... I also tend to think that anyone who claims that during a long term relationship they have NEVER even vaguely fancied anyone else is probably not being entirely honest :joker:.

I've been thinking a lot lately, about life, about how really it's all about connections, about how I don't have as many as I'd probably like at this point and about some really good connections that I've had in the past and let go of carelessly. I think a lot of the world is pretty lonely, I guess, and that ironically part of the cause of that is insecurity and jealousy. I've even seen plenty of people get insecure about their partners having deep connections with old friends of the same sex. Jealous of time spent with them, etc. Which I understand when people have generally busy lives but I dunno. Just wish I properly "knew" more people beyond superficial niceties.

Couldn't agree with a post more

[Toy Soldier]

Couldn't agree with a post more
Genuinely needed to hear that tonight so, thankyou. I feel like such an alien sometimes :joker:.

[Mokka]

I think...and this is slightly off topic but relating to TS's post...that we as a society have stigmatized children from a young age to not be able to have just general friendships across gender... and I bothers me greatly. I have plenty of male acquaintances that I never think of in a sexual manner...maybe not best friends...but some are deeper friendships. I also encourage my children towards the same. Not every relationship with the opposite sex needs to be or should be sexual lyrics charged.

[Mokka]

Genuinely needed to hear that tonight so, thankyou. I feel like such an alien sometimes :joker:.

Awww, you too on here? Sometimes I think it's my Canadian-Ness that makes me feel like that.

[Toy Soldier]

I think...and this is slightly off topic but relating to TS's post...that we as a society have stigmatized children from a young age to not be able to have just general friendships across gender... and I bothers me greatly. I have plenty of male acquaintances that I never think of in a sexual manner...maybe not best friends...but some are deeper friendships. I also encourage my children towards the same. Not every relationship with the opposite sex needs to be or should be sexual lyrics charged.
I've noticed that too. I have a six year old daughter who has always had male friends but it seems like they get to this age (6/7) and as soon as a boys name is casually mentioned there's a lot of nudging, winking, chuckling and "woooo is that your BOYfriend??" from adults. Obviously people are just finding it cute but like you say, it adds that "different" element to cross-reference friendships. I mean... She may get not even grow up to be straight, but no one whistles and asks if the girl down the street is her girlfriend when she mentions her :shrug:.
Awww, you too on here? Sometimes I think it's my Canadian-Ness that makes me feel like that.
Pretty much everywhere to be honest! I don't bother so much on here. Luckily I seem to be able to blend in seamlessly... But I find myself most of the time just not sharing my real thoughts and opinions because I don't want to out myself as being utterly bizarre (to most) :joker:.

[Mokka]

I've noticed that too. I have a six year old daughter who has always had male friends but it seems like they get to this age (6/7) and as soon as a boys name is casually mentioned there's a lot of nudging, winking, chuckling and "woooo is that your BOYfriend??" from adults. Obviously people are just finding it cute but like you say, it adds that "different" element to cross-reference friendships. I mean... She may get not even grow up to be straight, but no one whistles and asks if the girl down the street is her girlfriend when she mentions her :shrug:.

Pretty much everywhere to be honest! I don't bother so much on here. Luckily I seem to be able to blend in seamlessly... But I find myself most of the time just not sharing my real thoughts and opinions because I don't want to out myself as being utterly bizarre (to most) :joker:.

Omg...exactly what I think and saw with my kids. And then there was suddenly this age where girls wouldn't go to boys birthday parties and vice versa... just terrible.

And man... I always think I am the bizarre one in the room/crowd... but I am am selective on who I share certain opinions with for sure... people can be very touchy.

[Kyle]

I agree with the alien but yet I also agree with Niamh. :think:

[Ammi]

So its the "when Harry met Sally" question then (I think it's Harry that insists men and women can't be just friends). I'm not convinced though - I don't think "fancying" someone is a huge deal and it's a million miles from having something actually happen beyond just that... I also tend to think that anyone who claims that during a long term relationship they have NEVER even vaguely fancied anyone else is probably not being entirely honest :joker:.

I've been thinking a lot lately, about life, about how really it's all about connections, about how I don't have as many as I'd probably like at this point and about some really good connections that I've had in the past and let go of carelessly. I think a lot of the world is pretty lonely, I guess, and that ironically part of the cause of that is insecurity and jealousy. I've even seen plenty of people get insecure about their partners having deep connections with old friends of the same sex. Jealous of time spent with them, etc. Which I understand when people have generally busy lives but I dunno. Just wish I properly "knew" more people beyond superficial niceties.

..that to me really is the 'meaning of life', the connections that we make and the lives we touch/those who touch ours etc....because when we're gone, that's really (for me) all there is for our time here on earth....(just getting a bit deep and thought-filled as you seem to have..)...I recall when my dad died and I saw him and thinking that this wasn't my dad, this was an 'empty person'..so where was his spirit, where was that thing that made him, him..that sparkle/that energy..I mean it had to be somewhere because it wasn't a body that made him who he was...anyways..(because I haven't got much time, sorry/these are just quick thoughts..)...at his funeral, there were so many people who came, who he had 'connected with' in his life and I hadn't realised that those connections were so meaningful....and some from so long ago and yet those people felt that they wanted to spend some of their time coming to show him respect that day....that to me was his life, the meaning of it all and that he was still there in a way because he was there in the people he had connected to and in their hearts and in what he had meant to them...so yeah, I believe connections that we make are the meaning of our lives...for me anyway...(because I know meaning is different for everyone..)...


...you've had connections in the past, you say and have let go of them (carelessly..)...but maybe they were meant to be let go of and just 'passing through' a part of your life but not meant to stay..?.../connections also naturally change and evolve as well but I think that we often lose more than we keep...I don't have lots and lots of friends/people I'm close to and connect with but the ones I do have are all very long term friends..but some of those connections have changed slightly in that we can't always see each other so much etc and our lives often divert off on different roads but we still connect at that 'meeting point' whenever we're able to....the 'jealousy/insecurity' of any friendships, I have..is not really something that I've experienced from my partner but that's the trust thing as well, isn't it and a full circle around to 'dating married people'....if it is just close friendships those are people's own individual insecurities and lacking in confidences and maybe based on life experiences as well....