Hierarchy of Grief

[Cal.]

I was just thinking, is there certain family members that you would grieve for more than others?

In my head I'd like to think that I'd feel this way: (from most grief to least grief)

My Child>Parents>Siblings>Spouse>Grandparents>Aunties/Uncles>Pets>Cousins>Friends

Do you think there is a hierarchy of grief or do you think that everybody grieves different and (if you don't mind sharing) what is your experience with whom you have grieved more over than others?

[T*]

i don't want to think about it like that

[Crimson Dynamo]

If there wasnt that would be kind of weird

[Jamie89]

I was just thinking, is there certain family members that you would grieve for more than others?

In my head I'd like to think that I'd feel this way: (from most grief to least grief)

My Child>Parents>Siblings>Spouse>Grandparents>Aunties/Uncles>Pets>Cousins>Friends

Do you think there is a hierarchy of grief or do you think that everybody grieves different and (if you don't mind sharing) what is your experience with whom you have grieved more over than others?

I think everyone grieves differently, and at different stages in life and depending on the circumstances of someone's passing too. For example when I was really young my granddad died and I was really upset obviously, but a couple of years ago a work colleague died and I'd say I was more upset when that happened (even though I was closer to my granddad). And thinking about it, it's probably to do with the fact I spent every day with her, everyone I was surrounded by at work was distraught, she was young (mid 30's), she had young kids, it was just more of a tragedy I suppose. And I was only 7 when my granddad died and I was shielded from a lot of things, like the grief of other family members, plus he had a terminal illness so it was something I'd been prepared for. So yeah I think there's loads of factors in grief and not necessarily something that can be categorised, because if my work colleague and my granddad were both alive and I was to say who I cared more for, it would be my granddad even though I grieved less for him.

[Mokka]

Yes, I agree with Jamie. Sometimes grief has no rhyme or rhythm...that is to say it isn't logical nor can it be narrowed down to a pattern. I know losing my children would devastate me...as a parent...but after that... I really couldn't rate the people in my life like that

Yesterday I started thinking of one of my high school best friends who committed suicide almost three years ago now... and even though we only kept in touch in our later years through Facebook and a meet up here in there... I am still crushed when I think of him. I couldn't tell you why ... but it still effects me.

[MTVN]

Friends and cousins below pets??

[Crimson Dynamo]

Friends and cousins below pets??

I would think that would apply to many many people

[Niamh.]

Friends and cousins below pets??

I know :worry:

[Cal.]

Friends and cousins below pets??

I know :worry:

Problem girls?

[Mokka]

Friends and cousins below pets??

I would think that would apply to many many people

For some...it's girlfriends below pets :fan:

[Niamh.]

Problem girls?

I just obviously like my friends more than you do :hee:

[Shaun]

Obviously depends on how close you are to certain family members...

I wasn't terribly close to my older brother or father but at the same time obviously have tonnes of memories of them, but on the other hand I respected my aunt as being sort-of the centre of our family, the most successful businesswoman of it as well and someone I enjoyed spending time around more, so I think I was upset by her passing more even though it was a gradual loss (cancer).

Whether or not their deaths are sudden I would imagine plays the biggest part in dealing with grief. My brother/dad were pretty much out of nowhere - my brother I knew was dying within a fortnight of it happening and my dad I just had no idea even though I saw him in hospital the day before it happened. So shock and confusion were major obstructions in dealing with that grief. Not entirely sure I have really.

I might just be odd though, because I find it easier to cry over dead celebrities I've loved (Amy Winehouse, David Bowie, Robin Williams, Philip Seymour Hoffman, etc.) than I do to "weep" over dead loved ones, guess it's because I see myself as having to be strong for other family members remaining.

TL: DR version: no I don't have a hierarchy