View Full Version : is it a waste of time waiting for someone to start the conversation? (UPDATE)
I feel it would be just as valuable to post this here as it is asking my friends because of the gay demographic here lol, buuuutt:
I've never actually met this guy but seen him around a lot and liked the look of him, we were messaging for like 2 days and he was responding very quickly and generally giving very full replies but we never talked about anything serious. I broke the convo off, in a hope of leaving him wanting more haha, and i'm now just waiting for him to start a convo.
Is this futile?
Babayaro.
26-09-2016, 09:17 PM
I would go for it. I mean, what's the worst that could happen??
I would go for it. I mean, what's the worst that could happen??
Marc isn't gay is he?! :omgno:
No, I do appreciate your advice regardless of your sexual orientation lol.
In all seriousness, the worst that can happen is painful awkwardness when I see him around all the time in the case of rejection, considering he lives in the next block :(
Daniel.
26-09-2016, 09:21 PM
Nn he's probably thinking the same thing
Babayaro.
26-09-2016, 09:25 PM
Marc isn't gay is he?! :omgno:
No, I do appreciate your advice regardless of your sexual orientation lol.
In all seriousness, the worst that can happen is painful awkwardness when I see him around all the time in the case of rejection, considering he lives in the next block :(
lmaoo no i'm not lol. Yeah, I understand that but even if that does happen it'll only last a couple of days probably. You'll end up regretting it if you just don't do anything :laugh:
Amy Jade
26-09-2016, 09:26 PM
I would go for it. I mean, what's the worst that could happen??
Well it could turn sexual and a few pictures get sent, nothing too graphic but after both of them deciding its too much effort and you dont have much in common you hear he's shown somebody your classy pics
It all decends into chaos and the pictures get spread around and you aquire the nickname 'slaggy ____'
It follows you for ages and after not seeing him for a while you randomly run into him and realize hes ugly and puberty really **** in his cereal bowl and he's now greasy, has the starting of a comb over and really crap tattoos directly tattod on him from google images and you now realize you're way better looking and much more fun than him.
Marsh.
26-09-2016, 09:27 PM
Well it could turn sexual and a few pictures get sent, nothing too graphic but after both of them deciding its too much effort and you dont have much in common you hear he's shown somebody your classy pics
It all decends into chaos and the pictures get spread around and you aquire the nickname 'slaggy ____'
It follows you for ages and after not seeing him for a while you randomly run into him and realize hes ugly and puberty really **** in his cereal bowl and he's now greasy, has the starting of a comb over and really crap tattoos directly tattod on him from google images and you now realize you're way better looking and much more fun than him.
Jesus Christ.
Well it could turn sexual and a few pictures get sent, nothing too graphic but after both of them deciding its too much effort and you dont have much in common you hear he's shown somebody your classy pics
It all decends into chaos and the pictures get spread around and you aquire the nickname 'slaggy ____'
It follows you for ages and after not seeing him for a while you randomly run into him and realize hes ugly and puberty really **** in his cereal bowl and he's now greasy, has the starting of a comb over and really crap tattoos directly tattod on him from google images and you now realize you're way better looking and much more fun than him.
Ain't nobody callin' me slaggy Tom
Ross.
26-09-2016, 09:27 PM
Look what you've caused Marc
but I'm sorry for waht u went through
Babayaro.
26-09-2016, 09:29 PM
Well it could turn sexual and a few pictures get sent, nothing too graphic but after both of them deciding its too much effort and you dont have much in common you hear he's shown somebody your classy pics
It all decends into chaos and the pictures get spread around and you aquire the nickname 'slaggy ____'
It follows you for ages and after not seeing him for a while you randomly run into him and realize hes ugly and puberty really **** in his cereal bowl and he's now greasy, has the starting of a comb over and really crap tattoos directly tattod on him from google images and you now realize you're way better looking and much more fun than him.
Mess. Tom forget what I said!
Babayaro.
26-09-2016, 09:30 PM
Ain't nobody callin' me slaggy Tom
nah we save that nickname for T*
lmaoo no i'm not lol. Yeah, I understand that but even if that does happen it'll only last a couple of days probably. You'll end up regretting it if you just don't do anything :laugh:
True, but if he was interested why wouldn't he message if I already have done haha
nah we save that nickname for T*
:laugh:
Amy Jade
26-09-2016, 09:31 PM
He's playing it cool. Boys are so obvious he wants you to make the next move.
He's playing it cool. Boys are so obvious he wants you to make the next move.
It was my turn to play it cool lol. I'll give it another go when it's been like 5 days i guess
Marsh.
26-09-2016, 09:38 PM
Suck him off.
Babayaro.
26-09-2016, 09:39 PM
Suck him off.
They Bite
Well it could turn sexual and a few pictures get sent, nothing too graphic but after both of them deciding its too much effort and you dont have much in common you hear he's shown somebody your classy pics
It all decends into chaos and the pictures get spread around and you aquire the nickname 'slaggy ____'
It follows you for ages and after not seeing him for a while you randomly run into him and realize hes ugly and puberty really **** in his cereal bowl and he's now greasy, has the starting of a comb over and really crap tattoos directly tattod on him from google images and you now realize you're way better looking and much more fun than him.
I see you read my autobiography.
caprimint
26-09-2016, 10:42 PM
If you don't make an effort then there will always be a 'what could've been' feeling you'll never 100% get over.
jennyjuniper
27-09-2016, 06:07 AM
I feel it would be just as valuable to post this here as it is asking my friends because of the gay demographic here lol, buuuutt:
I've never actually met this guy but seen him around a lot and liked the look of him, we were messaging for like 2 days and he was responding very quickly and generally giving very full replies but we never talked about anything serious. I broke the convo off, in a hope of leaving him wanting more haha, and i'm now just waiting for him to start a convo.
Is this futile?
Maybe he doesn't like playing games? Instead of making him want more, breaking off your convo's with him may have made him feel you just weren't interested.
I feel it would be just as valuable to post this here as it is asking my friends because of the gay demographic here lol, buuuutt:
I've never actually met this guy but seen him around a lot and liked the look of him, we were messaging for like 2 days and he was responding very quickly and generally giving very full replies but we never talked about anything serious. I broke the convo off, in a hope of leaving him wanting more haha, and i'm now just waiting for him to start a convo.
Is this futile?
..it could be that he's very awkward and shy himself, Tom and he needed you to lead the conversation but was actually really loving texting with you and getting to know you ...some people are just not comfortable conversationalists and not ones to initiate themselves so when you stopped..?../then it just all stopped but not necessarily any indication that he doesn't want to chat to you either...if you like him, t-t-t-t-take a chance/Abba...the worst that can happen in life is regret...everything else is just an experience and something taken from that experience...x....
crgQGdpZR0
Mokka
27-09-2016, 07:05 AM
Well it could turn sexual and a few pictures get sent, nothing too graphic but after both of them deciding its too much effort and you dont have much in common you hear he's shown somebody your classy pics
It all decends into chaos and the pictures get spread around and you aquire the nickname 'slaggy ____'
It follows you for ages and after not seeing him for a while you randomly run into him and realize hes ugly and puberty really **** in his cereal bowl and he's now greasy, has the starting of a comb over and really crap tattoos directly tattod on him from google images and you now realize you're way better looking and much more fun than him.
Oh Amy... I laughed but I feel ya... if this post wasn't so long, I would make it my signature...I swear :hehe:
y.winter
27-09-2016, 07:19 AM
If it looks like the feeling is mutual, so go ahead and start the conversation. Do what you feel, not what is "right". This is not Survivor, strategies are not a compulsory.
Crimson Dynamo
27-09-2016, 08:25 AM
he sounds like a cock
get someone brighter
Jamie89
27-09-2016, 08:55 AM
You broke the convo off while it was going well and he was giving full replies to your messages... are you crazy? :laugh: Yes what you're doing is futile, I don't believe in playing games at all to be honest when it comes to stuff like this, it just wastes time and if he's anything like me, he'd be more put off if he thought you were messaging 'strategically' :laugh: And if you're both playing the 'wait for him to message first' game, then you're both going to lose tbh. If you like him and think there could be something in it, message him and tell him that. Tell him you want to meet for a coffee or something. Just be upfront basically. The worst that will happen is that he'll say no and you'll feel embarrassed, but you'll get over it. The best that will happen is that it could be the start of a great relationship that makes you really happy. Being rejected really isn't that bad anyway, and you'll never get anything you want unless you risk rejection/failure.
Anyway you need to weigh up the two potential negatives... 1 - feeling embarrassed after being rejected... 2 - regretting that you did nothing and never knowing what might have happened. Which one is worse to you? and make your decision based on that.
If you do want the convo to continue though the onus is kinda on you to restart it since you broke it off.
caprimint
27-09-2016, 09:13 AM
You broke the convo off while it was going well and he was giving full replies to your messages... are you crazy? :laugh: Yes what you're doing is futile, I don't believe in playing games at all to be honest when it comes to stuff like this, it just wastes time and if he's anything like me, he'd be more put off if he thought you were messaging 'strategically' :laugh: And if you're both playing the 'wait for him to message first' game, then you're both going to lose tbh. If you like him and think there could be something in it, message him and tell him that. Tell him you want to meet for a coffee or something. Just be upfront basically. The worst that will happen is that he'll say no and you'll feel embarrassed, but you'll get over it. The best that will happen is that it could be the start of a great relationship that makes you really happy. Being rejected really isn't that bad anyway, and you'll never get anything you want unless you risk rejection/failure.
Anyway you need to weigh up the two potential negatives... 1 - feeling embarrassed after being rejected... 2 - regretting that you did nothing and never knowing what might have happened. Which one is worse to you? and make your decision based on that.
If you do want the convo to continue though the onus is kinda on you to restart it since you broke it off.
:worship: This is put perfectly.
I honestly cannot understand why people play the chase when it comes to things like this, for me it would only go the opposite way - I'd assume that you weren't interested if you stopped replying and I certainly wouldn't message again after that (especially in the early stages, it's a bit different if there is some kind of emotional connection there).
Niamh.
27-09-2016, 09:15 AM
You broke the convo off while it was going well and he was giving full replies to your messages... are you crazy? :laugh: Yes what you're doing is futile, I don't believe in playing games at all to be honest when it comes to stuff like this, it just wastes time and if he's anything like me, he'd be more put off if he thought you were messaging 'strategically' :laugh: And if you're both playing the 'wait for him to message first' game, then you're both going to lose tbh. If you like him and think there could be something in it, message him and tell him that. Tell him you want to meet for a coffee or something. Just be upfront basically. The worst that will happen is that he'll say no and you'll feel embarrassed, but you'll get over it. The best that will happen is that it could be the start of a great relationship that makes you really happy. Being rejected really isn't that bad anyway, and you'll never get anything you want unless you risk rejection/failure.
Anyway you need to weigh up the two potential negatives... 1 - feeling embarrassed after being rejected... 2 - regretting that you did nothing and never knowing what might have happened. Which one is worse to you? and make your decision based on that.
If you do want the convo to continue though the onus is kinda on you to restart it since you broke it off.
:clap2: Life is too short to be playing around with people like this
omg we are meeting for coffee, so excited and happy and also a tad terrified
Marsh.
28-09-2016, 05:56 PM
wDPyMD_CLgc
Babayaro.
28-09-2016, 08:47 PM
omg we are meeting for coffee, so excited and happy and also a tad terrified
:clap1: Enjoy it!
caprimint
28-09-2016, 08:58 PM
omg we are meeting for coffee, so excited and happy and also a tad terrified
See if TiBB weren't intelligent then you'd still be playing hard to get :flutter:
Amy Jade
28-09-2016, 09:18 PM
Coffee means you'll suck him off. Enjoy!
Mokka
28-09-2016, 09:19 PM
Coffee means you'll suck him off. Enjoy!
That isn't what coffee means in Canada :umm2:
caprimint
28-09-2016, 11:11 PM
Cliché but be yourself and don't go with too many expectations (aka don't pressure yourself to try and be a certain way, just go open-mindedly and see if your connection feels natural).
caprimint
28-09-2016, 11:12 PM
Try not to do anything like spill your coffee over him or anything either, would probs kill the mood
Jack_
28-09-2016, 11:14 PM
Coffee means you'll suck him off. Enjoy!
:laugh2:
Marsh.
28-09-2016, 11:14 PM
That isn't what coffee means in Canada :umm2:
Ew, rimming isn't very popular in England. Sorry Mokka. :yuk:
Mokka
28-09-2016, 11:17 PM
Ew, rimming isn't very popular in England. Sorry Mokka. :yuk:
Oh god....not the rimming jokes again... I thought we were past all that :facepalm:
Oh Amy... I laughed but I feel ya... if this post wasn't so long, I would make it my signature...I swear :hehe:
Oooh thank you for giving me an idea. I needed some late night decomp and I've been stuck outside the past few days working on a fence. So I created some memes just for fun... :laugh:
http://i.imgur.com/wU0M3pc.png
http://i.imgur.com/F8SlA7S.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/cuZEecg.png
You broke the convo off while it was going well and he was giving full replies to your messages... are you crazy? :laugh: Yes what you're doing is futile, I don't believe in playing games at all to be honest when it comes to stuff like this, it just wastes time and if he's anything like me, he'd be more put off if he thought you were messaging 'strategically' :laugh: And if you're both playing the 'wait for him to message first' game, then you're both going to lose tbh. If you like him and think there could be something in it, message him and tell him that. Tell him you want to meet for a coffee or something. Just be upfront basically. The worst that will happen is that he'll say no and you'll feel embarrassed, but you'll get over it. The best that will happen is that it could be the start of a great relationship that makes you really happy. Being rejected really isn't that bad anyway, and you'll never get anything you want unless you risk rejection/failure.
Anyway you need to weigh up the two potential negatives... 1 - feeling embarrassed after being rejected... 2 - regretting that you did nothing and never knowing what might have happened. Which one is worse to you? and make your decision based on that.
If you do want the convo to continue though the onus is kinda on you to restart it since you broke it off.
Pretty much this. I've never understood the watch and wait game. I guess if someone is worrying about coming off as too aggressive, it makes sense...
...:lovedup:..perfect...and no, no advice Tom other than just no expectations, you're having a lovely coffee with someone that you've enjoyed chatting with is all and maybe leading to a friendship or romantic stuff and thangs and maybe just a coffee and nothing more but a great way to spend an hour or so....(enjoy...:love:..)...
..a great smell helps as well.../you know, some lovely perfumery...
..oh and also...
..no just joking/no expectations...
sooo...
the meeting fell through because of a certain hangover of mine and we agreed to meet again but that time he cancelled
Ever since then I started to feel he wasn't that interested in meeting. He said we could meet any time, but in a friendly way initially, but suggested he was open to development. I feel like I've been blown off a bit, and I'm not sure if it's too needy to message again to try and arrange something
My friends came to the conlcusion today he's just not worth it because it's obvious from the messages I'm more into him than he is to me, but maybe he's just chilled, and it should also be considered we've not even met yet. The hard thing is though I just like him a lot in terms of looks and it's so hard to walk away and stop trying when I have been for almost two weeks now. I didn't talk about things to people so as not to look stupid, but obviously you run away with ur imagination sometimes. It's also really hard because we came so close to meeting twice, and in the first instance it was my fault we didn't.
Situations like this are sooo hard to read, and i don't wanna lose dignity. Should I just leave it?
y.winter
03-10-2016, 07:04 PM
What do YOU feel? Do you really like him or is it just getting carried away with the fantasy that attracts you?
When you cancelled first it was not because you didn't want to meet him, so it might as well be the same case with his cancellation. you don't know. It doesn't say much.
If you want it and he didn't disapprove so far, give yourself a chance. Yes, you can lose your "dignity" (harsh phrasing, I would say) but you can lose a potentially great companion.
If you ask me - hell with the rules, do your thing and let things happen or not.
What do YOU feel? Do you really like him or is it just getting carried away with the fantasy that attracts you?
When you cancelled first it was not because you didn't want to meet him, so it might as well be the same case with his cancellation. you don't know. It doesn't say much.
If you want it and he didn't disapprove so far, give yourself a chance. Yes, you can lose your "dignity" (harsh phrasing, I would say) but you can lose a potentially great companion.
If you ask me - hell with the rules, do your thing and let things happen or not.
I mean yeah, I'd say considering we haven't even met yet that it's very driven by fantasy :laugh: And also just the intense desire to be in a relationship atm, and he's just someone my imagination latched onto.
Actually, when he cancelled I was going over to his and he supposedly fell asleep lol.
My initial feeling was to try one last time in a few days to initiate meeting for coffee or something, the same time we were meant to last week (even though my friends advised against this :blush:), and if he doesn't respond well to that/sounds disinterested, then it really is time to give it up right?
UserSince2005
03-10-2016, 07:42 PM
stop playing games, gays are the worst for that.
If you want to speak to him, speak to him, if you dont want to speak him, dont speak to him.
y.winter
03-10-2016, 07:45 PM
I mean yeah, I'd say considering we haven't even met yet that it's very driven by fantasy :laugh: And also just the intense desire to be in a relationship atm, and he's just someone my imagination latched onto.
Actually, when he cancelled I was going over to his and he supposedly fell asleep lol.
My initial feeling was to try one last time in a few days to initiate meeting for coffee or something, the same time we were meant to last week (even though my friends advised against this :blush:), and if he doesn't respond well to that/sounds disinterested, then it really is time to give it up right?
The best advise I can give you is don't make it technical. This is not a chess game. Don't overthink it.
If you're just looking to be in a relationship and it's just "casting" the first guy that walks across the street and is qualified enough for the "position" - then don't expect it to be something more than this. Are you willing to start something like this?
If you're really into him, then continue and let the story unfold. You do your best. When you feel it doesn't go anywhere and you just drag yourself around it, stop it - you'll know when it comes to that point.
The best advise I can give you is don't make it technical. This is not a chess game. Don't overthink it.
If you're just looking to be in a relationship and it's just "casting" the first guy that walks across the street and is qualified enough for the "position" - then don't expect it to be something more than this. Are you willing to start something like this?
If you're really into him, then continue and let the story unfold. You do your best. When you feel it doesn't go anywhere and you just drag yourself around it, stop it - you'll know when it comes to that point.
I'm not really sure what you mean by the middle bit. He is in my halls so I see him quite a lot, it's not just some randomer :joker:
And like are you saying the third paragraph in contrast to the second or like even if I'm not sure if I really like him can I still give it another go?
Thanks so much for the advice btw :love:
y.winter
03-10-2016, 08:24 PM
I'm not really sure what you mean by the middle bit. He is in my halls so I see him quite a lot, it's not just some randomer :joker:
And like are you saying the third paragraph in contrast to the second or like even if I'm not sure if I really like him can I still give it another go?
Thanks so much for the advice btw :love:
Sorry if it came out a bit confusing. What I meant was that there are 2 options:
1. You're driven by the general desire of being in a relationship for the sake of it more than being in a relationship because the right guy is finally here. I personally won't go there if it's not the real deal.
2. You're truly interested in him and it's not a rushed decision just to satisfy your urge to be in a relationship. If that's the case - keep the conversation going and try to meet.
Sorry if it came out a bit confusing. What I meant was that there are 2 options:
1. You're driven by the general desire of being in a relationship for the sake of it more than being in a relationship because the right guy is finally here. I personally won't go there if it's not the real deal.
2. You're truly interested in him and it's not a rushed decision just to satisfy your urge to be in a relationship. If that's the case - keep the conversation going and try to meet.
You've gotta remember though I'm basing it on nothing more than looks, style and just general aura. In terms of those things he's pretty ideal - would it change anything if I told you I rejected someone who liked me a few weeks back? Like I'm not just going for anyone.
y.winter
03-10-2016, 08:56 PM
You've gotta remember though I'm basing it on nothing more than looks, style and just general aura. In terms of those things he's pretty ideal - would it change anything if I told you I rejected someone who liked me a few weeks back? Like I'm not just going for anyone.
I understand. I didn't think you're going for anyone :laugh: Looks like he has what you're looking for and you barely even started - so there's no reason to stop atm. Let things happen, and you'll be fine. Good luck :)
VanessaFeltz.
03-10-2016, 08:56 PM
slay tom!!!! you are doing greatly listen to your gut, you will always find the answers
I understand. I didn't think you're going for anyone :laugh: Looks like he has what you're looking for and you barely even started - so there's no reason to stop atm. Let things happen, and you'll be fine. Good luck :)
Haha sorry I realise that sounded a tad rude :laugh: Thanks so much for your advice. In light of the ambiguity of our last exchange, I'm just gonna try and play things exactly the same as I did last week, and if he doesn't seem that fussed I'll just have to leave it.
slay tom!!!! you are doing greatly listen to your gut, you will always find the answers
hahaha thanks. I really hope I find something :joker:
caprimint
03-10-2016, 09:13 PM
I would try one last time then give up if he rejects you or cancels again. Honestly though you have got nothing at all to lose by asking, you've got more to lose (the possibility of you guys really getting on and liking each other) by not doing so. :shrug:
I would try one last time then give up if he rejects you or cancels again. Honestly though you have got nothing at all to lose by asking, you've got more to lose (the possibility of you guys really getting on and liking each other) by not doing so. :shrug:
This is actually so true tbh. My friends are so concerned about 'playing it cool'. I mean it may be a bit embarrassing, but I guess it's worth one last try.
caprimint
03-10-2016, 09:49 PM
This is actually so true tbh. My friends are so concerned about 'playing it cool'. I mean it may be a bit embarrassing, but I guess it's worth one last try.
'Playing it cool' can quickly turn into 'she/he's not interested, I'm done here' from the other point of view. One of the main things I've learnt is that you have to show a certain amount of interest in the other person to keep their attention.
Jamie89
05-10-2016, 05:47 AM
sooo...
the meeting fell through because of a certain hangover of mine and we agreed to meet again but that time he cancelled
Ever since then I started to feel he wasn't that interested in meeting. He said we could meet any time, but in a friendly way initially, but suggested he was open to development. I feel like I've been blown off a bit, and I'm not sure if it's too needy to message again to try and arrange something
My friends came to the conlcusion today he's just not worth it because it's obvious from the messages I'm more into him than he is to me, but maybe he's just chilled, and it should also be considered we've not even met yet. The hard thing is though I just like him a lot in terms of looks and it's so hard to walk away and stop trying when I have been for almost two weeks now. I didn't talk about things to people so as not to look stupid, but obviously you run away with ur imagination sometimes. It's also really hard because we came so close to meeting twice, and in the first instance it was my fault we didn't.
Situations like this are sooo hard to read, and i don't wanna lose dignity. Should I just leave it?
It's so hard to tell how someone feels just from their messages so I'd try not to read much into it if I were you, he might be trying to come across a certain way for example. You can't really know how into you he is from them. You won't lose any dignity in pursuing him/the situation by the way, like Caprimint said there's more to lose by doing nothing, and Winters advice is great too!
This is actually so true tbh. My friends are so concerned about 'playing it cool'. I mean it may be a bit embarrassing, but I guess it's worth one last try.
Your friends mean well but 'playing it cool' is the worst advice imo :laugh: I think we all probably want to be chased and have relationships just happen but they don't, think about what 'playing it cool' actually means... it means 'do nothing', and if you do nothing you get nothing imo.
It's so hard to tell how someone feels just from their messages so I'd try not to read much into it if I were you, he might be trying to come across a certain way for example. You can't really know how into you he is from them. You won't lose any dignity in pursuing him/the situation by the way, like Caprimint said there's more to lose by doing nothing, and Winters advice is great too!
Your friends mean well but 'playing it cool' is the worst advice imo :laugh: I think we all probably want to be chased and have relationships just happen but they don't, think about what 'playing it cool' actually means... it means 'do nothing', and if you do nothing you get nothing imo.
Hmm well I reinitiated the convo recetly but he was talking about someone else he got with last night... Pretty bad sign right? :laugh:
I've just started to think, maybe he isn't the nicest person (I've certainly heard of him messing someone around), and maybe all he's getting from this is a massive ego boost.
Our latest convo has now ended and my gameplan was to mention tonight meeting up one last time, but after reflection and convo with my friends maybe he just really isn't worth it. But he still is in my head a lot lol.
Jamie89
05-10-2016, 06:25 PM
Hmm well I reinitiated the convo recetly but he was talking about someone else he got with last night... Pretty bad sign right? :laugh:
I've just started to think, maybe he isn't the nicest person (I've certainly heard of him messing someone around), and maybe all he's getting from this is a massive ego boost.
Our latest convo has now ended and my gameplan was to mention tonight meeting up one last time, but after reflection and convo with my friends maybe he just really isn't worth it. But he still is in my head a lot lol.
Oh, yeah that does make him sound a bit of a twat :laugh: Still though I don't think you can really know someone over messages. Maybe he thinks by saying it it'll make you jealous and more interested or something (which still isn't good but it makes him more misguided rather than someone who's a bad person to go out with). If it was me I'd ignore my friends and go with my gut instinct on it (and would just go for a coffee or something if I did meet).
Mokka
05-10-2016, 06:45 PM
Oooh thank you for giving me an idea. I needed some late night decomp and I've been stuck outside the past few days working on a fence. So I created some memes just for fun... :laugh:
http://i.imgur.com/wU0M3pc.png
http://i.imgur.com/F8SlA7S.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/cuZEecg.png
:laugh3:
way too OTT... but super funny Maru :hehe:
Oh, yeah that does make him sound a bit of a twat :laugh: Still though I don't think you can really know someone over messages. Maybe he thinks by saying it it'll make you jealous and more interested or something (which still isn't good but it makes him more misguided rather than someone who's a bad person to go out with). If it was me I'd ignore my friends and go with my gut instinct on it (and would just go for a coffee or something if I did meet).
Tbh I'm just gonna be super casual with it from now on. If I see him on a night out, so be it. If I feel like inviting him over cos the flats over, I will. Like he's clearly a very chilled guy, so there's actually no point trying to force him into something that he doesn't normally do if you know what I mean?
Oooh thank you for giving me an idea. I needed some late night decomp and I've been stuck outside the past few days working on a fence. So I created some memes just for fun... :laugh:
http://i.imgur.com/wU0M3pc.png
http://i.imgur.com/F8SlA7S.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/cuZEecg.png
Omfg how did I not see these :joker:
Ithinkiloveyoutoo
05-10-2016, 07:04 PM
Sometimes. I mean if someone really wanted to talk to you they would make the effort.
Jamie89
05-10-2016, 07:18 PM
Tbh I'm just gonna be super casual with it from now on. If I see him on a night out, so be it. If I feel like inviting him over cos the flats over, I will. Like he's clearly a very chilled guy, so there's actually no point trying to force him into something that he doesn't normally do if you know what I mean?
Yeah that makes sense. Good luck with it! (And let us know if anything happens)
So I had my first proper kiss last night with him on top of a hill. He also stayed at mine. A life highlight perhaps?
I really don't wanna get too attached. We're meeting for coffee, but even after meeting him once, I want it so badly, yet I am so scared of getting hurt. I really don't wanna latch too hard onto this, but I really do like him. What if he ends it after our date? Like that would be awful and it's scary how emotionally attached I'm getting.
Babayaro.
08-10-2016, 03:44 PM
Tom :clap1:
Jessica.
08-10-2016, 03:52 PM
Congratulations :D
awe babes sounds so sweet and just go with the flow don't think of what could go wrong just live in the moment
Firewire
08-10-2016, 03:57 PM
I love gay romance stories omg this is so sweet
Jamie89
08-10-2016, 05:01 PM
:lovedup:
awe babes sounds so sweet and just go with the flow don't think of what could go wrong just live in the moment
This just take it slowly and enjoy it
Dump him and watch Survivor Vanuatu
Firewire
08-10-2016, 05:30 PM
I want a boyfriend
Ross.
08-10-2016, 05:40 PM
Let's set up Jonathan and Tom on a blind date
Babayaro.
08-10-2016, 07:16 PM
Let's set up Jonathan and Tom on a blind date
Tom being the blind one
VanessaFeltz.
08-10-2016, 07:26 PM
I am jealous of you tbh i legit tried to be friends with one of the guys i THOUGHT was attractive but he has the most sour face i have ever seen on this planet earth (also he made this very awkard but if i got into it, it would take pages)
but slay tom yass get it
y.winter
08-10-2016, 07:27 PM
These are some really good news Tom. I'm happy for you.
As Jamie said - don't overthink it. Let things will happen.
Well, had our first kinda date.
Not sure what to think. Like I've never been on a date before, but I feel we had good conversation, even obviously if it did stop at times. There wasn't any physical contact and at the end he said 'I'll see you at some point' or words to that effect.
How soon after can you text after the first date? And should I take a lot of heed to how his first messages are?
Also we didn't really talk about anything serious
EspeonBB
09-10-2016, 04:24 PM
Awww I'm really happy for you Tom <3 Glad you're enjoying uni
If he kissed you then he obviously likes you, text him
look into his star sign as well sis
If he kissed you then he obviously likes you, text him
look into his star sign as well sis
But we were both kinda drunk haha, and my personality is a whole other story
And I did, were compatible <3
Jamie89
09-10-2016, 07:38 PM
Well, had our first kinda date.
Not sure what to think. Like I've never been on a date before, but I feel we had good conversation, even obviously if it did stop at times. There wasn't any physical contact and at the end he said 'I'll see you at some point' or words to that effect.
How soon after can you text after the first date? And should I take a lot of heed to how his first messages are?
I'd text straight after the date to say I had a good time tbh :laugh: That probably breaks all the 'rules' but I don't think you should over-think or worry about stuff like that, it's just a text, and if he likes you it'll be nice for him to get. What do you mean about how his messages are though? It's hard to gauge from texts how someone feels, so I'd only really take heed from your actual conversations with him as to judging how he feels/how things are going etc.
EspeonBB
09-10-2016, 07:45 PM
Yeah I agree with Jamie I would text him as well
I'd text straight after the date to say I had a good time tbh :laugh: That probably breaks all the 'rules' but I don't think you should over-think or worry about stuff like that, it's just a text, and if he likes you it'll be nice for him to get. What do you mean about how his messages are though? It's hard to gauge from texts how someone feels, so I'd only really take heed from your actual conversations with him as to judging how he feels/how things are going etc.
I mean we started messaging again in the last hr and if it wasn't for something I'd seen I'd be really positive at how good his messages are.
He liked a FB article entitled 'why is it so hard to find a guy I like as well as fancy' :umm2: Really disappointing tbh.
Perhaps I should say 'I had a nice time today' or something like that and see how he responds to that?
:laugh3:
way too OTT... but super funny Maru :hehe:
Her post deserved it :laugh:
I mean we started messaging again in the last hr and if it wasn't for something I'd seen I'd be really positive at how good his messages are.
He liked a FB article entitled 'why is it so hard to find a guy I like as well as fancy' :umm2: Really disappointing tbh.
Perhaps I should say 'I had a nice time today' or something like that and see how he responds to that?
..I'm a bit confused Tom...so you're feeling a little deflated because you think it means that he hasn't liked you/didn't feel any connection with you..?...I don't do Facebook but I would imagine that people just like stuff if they can relate in any way or have related in any way so that might be just equally something he's felt in the past rather than the present...you've only had one date so he isn't really going to feel his whole world is completely different straight away but that doesn't mean that wouldn't come in time either with getting to know each other more and more and spending more time together...?...and his texts have all been positive and those texts have been directly to you/related directly to you, whereas the Facebook thing is more of a general thing and isn't aimed at you...so I would go with the texts I what you feel they say and tell you....and yeah as Jamie says, I would text him and just say that you really enjoyed spending time with him and it would be nice to do something again...maybe if you have a party or anything coming up soon, you could ask if he would like to come as well..?...
..it all sounds fairly positive though and a good vibe from him....ooooo and a kiss as well/yummy...:laugh:...good luck and try not to overthink or read too much into the Facebook thing because the texts and your own contact with him is really the 'telling' stuff....
..I'm a bit confused Tom...so you're feeling a little deflated because you think it means that he hasn't liked you/didn't feel any connection with you..?...I don't do Facebook but I would imagine that people just like stuff if they can relate in any way or have related in any way so that might be just equally something he's felt in the past rather than the present...you've only had one date so he isn't really going to feel his whole world is completely different straight away but that doesn't mean that wouldn't come in time either with getting to know each other more and more and spending more time together...?...and his texts have all been positive and those texts have been directly to you/related directly to you, whereas the Facebook thing is more of a general thing and isn't aimed at you...so I would go with the texts I what you feel they say and tell you....and yeah as Jamie says, I would text him and just say that you really enjoyed spending time with him and it would be nice to do something again...maybe if you have a party or anything coming up soon, you could ask if he would like to come as well..?...
..it all sounds fairly positive though and a good vibe from him....ooooo and a kiss as well/yummy...:laugh:...good luck and try not to overthink or read too much into the Facebook thing because the texts and your own contact with him is really the 'telling' stuff....
Yeah you're right, I'm gonna try not to read into it.
Is 2 days a good amount of time after to mention a second date?
Yeah you're right, I'm gonna try not to read into it.
Is 2 days a good amount of time after to mention a second date?
...if it feels right and it's what you're feeling, that you want to see him again..then it's the perfect amount of time to mention it, Tom...(good luck..:love:..)....
...if it feels right and it's what you're feeling, that you want to see him again..then it's the perfect amount of time to mention it, Tom...(good luck..:love:..)....
Thank you Ammi :love: I actually do feel quite interested, just not sure if he feels the same...
Crimson Dynamo
10-10-2016, 05:41 PM
can someone confirm
we have 3 active Toms on Tibb at mo
T*
Tom
TomC
is that correct?
can someone confirm
we have 3 active Toms on Tibb at mo
T*
Tom
TomC
is that correct?
Yes LT.
We've been having quite a lot of fluid, but friendly conversation. Hoping i get a good response tomorrow :fc:
Thank you Ammi :love: I actually do feel quite interested, just not sure if he feels the same...
...only time will tell you if he feels the same, Tom...I think we have to risk hurt as well and someone not feeling the same to be able to have opportunities for the good stuff as well and someone feeling the same as we do...to find those connections...there's that thing of how would we know when something/someone is right if we hadn't experienced wrong as well...it's all about experiencing and pursuing what our hearts tell us and the just seeing where it leads...(you'll only be sure/one way or the other...)...if you pursue another date with him...and even a 'bad' sure is better than an uncertainty of..what if../what ifs are the only regrets in life....I really do hope that it all goes well for you...:love:..
Cherie
11-10-2016, 01:39 PM
can someone confirm
we have 3 active Toms on Tibb at mo
T*
Tom
TomC
is that correct?
Nothing gets past you LT
I got a second (third?) date!! <3
Firewire
11-10-2016, 05:10 PM
KING of dating
KING of dating
I really thought the date went really badly :joker: Deffo need to up my game lol, glad I've been given a second chance
Firewire
11-10-2016, 05:11 PM
Even if it did go badly he must've liked you and that's all that matters really
Even if it did go badly he must've liked you and that's all that matters really
Thanks, that's really reassuring :)
I got a second (third?) date!! <3
...haha, marvellous..:lovedup:..(don't hold too much store in Facebook likes...your indication is your contact with him and that he wants more of it...)...
..Happy second (third) date, Tom...:love:...
Feeling **** right now.
I was feeling so good last night as well - i was really starting to get the impression he liked me - just by the tone of his messages and he said i seem nice and he's like to get to know me.
Yet, he decided he wanted to bring his friends to our date, and although I let him down lightly, I told him this wasn't really what I was after, and asked him if we could meet another time. He's now reverted to saying he's busy - we leave uni on Monday. That's 4 days away, and he's being really dry.
I think this goes to show how emotionally immature I am - I really wanna get answers, but ik that will just lead to embarrassment and kill any future hope. :(
Jamie89
13-10-2016, 07:13 PM
Feeling **** right now.
I was feeling so good last night as well - i was really starting to get the impression he liked me - just by the tone of his messages and he said i seem nice and he's like to get to know me.
Yet, he decided he wanted to bring his friends to our date, and although I let him down lightly, I told him this wasn't really what I was after, and asked him if we could meet another time. He's now reverted to saying he's busy - we leave uni on Monday. That's 4 days away, and he's being really dry.
I think this goes to show how emotionally immature I am - I really wanna get answers, but ik that will just lead to embarrassment and kill any future hope. :(
Why did he want to bring his friends along on a date? I once went on a date with someone and it turned out to be a meal with his friends (I thought it was just going to be us) and it was so awkward.
Why did he want to bring his friends along on a date? I once went on a date with someone and it turned out to be a meal with his friends (I thought it was just going to be us) and it was so awkward.
Exactly - I'm glad I didn't go. It's really unfair he did that tbh.
I am trying to be kinda honest rn with him, but I hope it doesn't come off 'too much.' I'm just tired of playing games, and I need him to know that.
Why did he want to bring his friends along on a date? I once went on a date with someone and it turned out to be a meal with his friends (I thought it was just going to be us) and it was so awkward.
oh and the excuse he used was that it would 'break the awkwardness' or somethng
Jamie89
13-10-2016, 07:21 PM
Exactly - I'm glad I didn't go. It's really unfair he did that tbh.
I am trying to be kinda honest rn with him, but I hope it doesn't come off 'too much.' I'm just tired of playing games, and I need him to know that.
I think you're doing the right thing, even if it doesn't work out sometimes things don't, but you'll be glad you were honest with him at least. It's the most mature thing to do imo so I wouldn't worry about that.
Jamie89
13-10-2016, 07:23 PM
oh and the excuse he used was that it would 'break the awkwardness' or somethng
Maybe he's the emotionally immature one? Or just not ready for dating? It's not a normal thing to do [emoji23] Dating can be awkward but you just have to get past it, not bring your friends along to help out.
I think you're doing the right thing, even if it doesn't work out sometimes things don't, but you'll be glad you were honest with him at least. It's the most mature thing to do imo so I wouldn't worry about that.
I hope he doesn't think I'm crazy - I mean he shouldn't tbh, he's given the impression too.
I just feel like I've put so much time, thought and emotion into this over the last 3 weeks (sad I know, considering we've only met twice).
Jamie89
13-10-2016, 07:30 PM
I hope he doesn't think I'm crazy - I mean he shouldn't tbh, he's given the impression too.
I just feel like I've put so much time, thought and emotion into this over the last 3 weeks (sad I know, considering we've only met twice).
He shouldn't think you're crazy for showing interest, if he does then he's not right for you tbh. And it's not sad at all, it's just because you like him, there's nothing wrong with that.
He shouldn't think you're crazy for showing interest, if he does then he's not right for you tbh. And it's not sad at all, it's just because you like him, there's nothing wrong with that.
Well he explained that he is just a chilled guy, and he genuinely is busy in the run up to us leaving. I guess I've just got to learn to be more chilled :joker: He says he's not prioritising guys atm. Like I do feel kinda clarified rn, I feel like I read into things too much lol.
caprimint
13-10-2016, 07:33 PM
I just feel like I've put so much time, thought and emotion into this over the last 3 weeks (sad I know, considering we've only met twice).
I know this kinda thing can be disappointing but honestly this sort of thing happens a lot throughout life. Might feel like a 'waste' as such, but it's really not because you've learnt more about yourself (and most likely what you want, or don't want in a relationship). If you didn't invest your time in anything then you wouldn't get anywhere. Don't feel down about that side of it. :)
Jamie89
13-10-2016, 07:36 PM
Well he explained that he is just a chilled guy, and he genuinely is busy in the run up to us leaving. I guess I've just got to learn to be more chilled :joker: He says he's not prioritising guys atm. Like I do feel kinda clarified rn, I feel like I read into things too much lol.
That sounds reasonable tbh, like he just wants to take things slowly and not get heavily involved. Which is fair enough and good of him to be upfront about. It doesn't mean you have to change anything about yourself though, maybe you two just aren't that compatible after all, or are looking for different things, or it will happen at a later stage.
I know this kinda thing can be disappointing but honestly this sort of thing happens a lot throughout life. Might feel like a 'waste' as such, but it's really not because you've learnt more about yourself (and most likely what you want, or don't want in a relationship). If you didn't invest your time in anything then you wouldn't get anywhere. Don't feel down about that side of it. :)
I think I just need to chill more tbh. (note to self)
It's kinda to do with my desperation for a relationship, whereas this guy for example is experienced in relationships.
What also bothers me is that I feel i don't know many gay people - maybe i should get to more lgbt events lol.
caprimint
13-10-2016, 07:53 PM
I think I just need to chill more tbh. (note to self)
It's kinda to do with my desperation for a relationship, whereas this guy for example is experienced in relationships.
What also bothers me is that I feel i don't know many gay people - maybe i should get to more lgbt events lol.
I think things generally work out when you least expect...like if you try too hard and expect too much out of a situation then it can all go wrong really quickly. Being chilled about it is probably the best approach.
Just don't meet people in clubs. :laugh:
..I think it's hard not to be excited when we meet people that we like but then it's 'first time stuff' as well Tom...I think that most people would have equally put a lot of time and thought etc into the last few weeks...he says he's just a chilled but a chilled guy would have made you feel chilled yourself, it would have been the vibe you got from him...and he wouldn't have to tell you he was chilled/you would have felt it rather than the feelings of being confused and unsure...'his experience' should have equally made you feel more at ease and comfortable...the only note that you need to make to yourself is that you're fine as you are and being excited is all part of who you are and it's not about changing but about the person who is right for you at a specific time in your life and maybe not him..?.../..anyways, wherever this goes or don't go with this particular guy, don't go changin' young man...:love:...he's not all that with his experience and chilled-ness if he's made you feel so uncertain in his actions...
..I think it's hard not to be excited when we meet people that we like but then it's 'first time stuff' as well Tom...I think that most people would have equally put a lot of time and thought etc into the last few weeks...he says he's just a chilled but a chilled guy would have made you feel chilled yourself, it would have been the vibe you got from him...and he wouldn't have to tell you he was chilled/you would have felt it rather than the feelings of being confused and unsure...'his experience' should have equally made you feel more at ease and comfortable...the only note that you need to make to yourself is that you're fine as you are and being excited is all part of who you are and it's not about changing but about the person who is right for you at a specific time in your life and maybe not him..?.../..anyways, wherever this goes or don't go with this particular guy, don't go changin' young man...:love:...he's not all that with his experience and chilled-ness if he's made you feel so uncertain in his actions...
My friends don't seem to like how he's being - it's just too fickle. I mean I'm just going to try and stand back now, because clearly we're just coming at it from angles which are too different for it to really work, at the moment at least. It's gotten to the stage where I think it's become quite unhealthy - my mood literally has depended for about 10 days now on how things are going with him. Idk why I latched so hard on to him - I mean I do like him, but I am just to attached - I literally cried in private this morning after my friends told me I should leave it. (Really strange behaviour I know).
Mokka
14-10-2016, 05:47 PM
My friends don't seem to like how he's being - it's just too fickle. I mean I'm just going to try and stand back now, because clearly we're just coming at it from angles which are too different for it to really work, at the moment at least. It's gotten to the stage where I think it's become quite unhealthy - my mood literally has depended for about 10 days now on how things are going with him. Idk why I latched so hard on to him - I mean I do like him, but I am just to attached - I literally cried in private this morning after my friends told me I should leave it. (Really strange behaviour I know).
Aww, hon :hug:
Love, the feelings surrounding love, the depth of love.... these things are all uncontrollable by us, and some times we just have to ride the waves of them out. Sometimes our feelings get really deep really fast in a relationship, despite our better judgement... that doesn't make them not real.... but you do have to consider why that is? Is it him, and him and you together making you feel so attached? Or is it your own feelings about love and a relationship at this time? I know you think you have put in a lot of time and emotion towards this guy....but it is merely a drop in the bucket of how long it takes to get to know someone, and know if they are right for you, and with you. So give it more time if you feel there is something there, but don't let it be your only source of happiness in life. Emotional independence is sexy in a partner. Codependency tends to send people in the other direction.
My friends don't seem to like how he's being - it's just too fickle. I mean I'm just going to try and stand back now, because clearly we're just coming at it from angles which are too different for it to really work, at the moment at least. It's gotten to the stage where I think it's become quite unhealthy - my mood literally has depended for about 10 days now on how things are going with him. Idk why I latched so hard on to him - I mean I do like him, but I am just to attached - I literally cried in private this morning after my friends told me I should leave it. (Really strange behaviour I know).
..hawww...:hug:..it is so not strange behaviour at all, Tom..it's very understandable behaviour, as you say your mood and emotions have been so much in the last 10 days and it's a release to that..your friends are being protective toward you and don't want you to be hurt because they care about you and that's understandable as well...(these are your uni friends that you've recently met..?...and they care about you this much already so a really positive thing to focus on as well in helping..)...but as much as we care about people and obviously don't want them to be hurt when we think someone is wrong in their lives...we can't always stop from happening because it's all experiences that we need to have/even those painful ones...all things we need to get there on our own with to a large extent because it's all part of growing as people...you have positives to hold onto with this guy and you have negatives so I think that stepping back a bit and giving your emotions a rest from the last 10 days of being hurled about is a good call...that will help you hopefully with your own perspective...but whatever happens I think that you were always right to not leave open for 'what ifs' and regrets because even a door closed if that happens is much better than one never opened...because once that door is closed, it leaves the way for another to open and that door/person to be so much more perfect for you...the hardest thing to move on from is regrets/what ifs and not risking our hearts and emotions...:love:..
Aww, hon :hug:
Love, the feelings surrounding love, the depth of love.... these things are all uncontrollable by us, and some times we just have to ride the waves of them out. Sometimes our feelings get really deep really fast in a relationship, despite our better judgement... that doesn't make them not real.... but you do have to consider why that is? Is it him, and him and you together making you feel so attached? Or is it your own feelings about love and a relationship at this time? I know you think you have put in a lot of time and emotion towards this guy....but it is merely a drop in the bucket of how long it takes to get to know someone, and know if they are right for you, and with you. So give it more time if you feel there is something there, but don't let it be your only source of happiness in life. Emotional independence is sexy in a partner. Codependency tends to send people in the other direction.
..hawww...:hug:..it is so not strange behaviour at all, Tom..it's very understandable behaviour, as you say your mood and emotions have been so much in the last 10 days and it's a release to that..your friends are being protective toward you and don't want you to be hurt because they care about you and that's understandable as well...(these are your uni friends that you've recently met..?...and they care about you this much already so a really positive thing to focus on as well in helping..)...but as much as we care about people and obviously don't want them to be hurt when we think someone is wrong in their lives...we can't always stop from happening because it's all experiences that we need to have/even those painful ones...all things we need to get there on our own with to a large extent because it's all part of growing as people...you have positives to hold onto with this guy and you have negatives so I think that stepping back a bit and giving your emotions a rest from the last 10 days of being hurled about is a good call...that will help you hopefully with your own perspective...but whatever happens I think that you were always right to not leave open for 'what ifs' and regrets because even a door closed if that happens is much better than one never opened...because once that door is closed, it leaves the way for another to open and that door/person to be so much more perfect for you...the hardest thing to move on from is regrets/what ifs and not risking our hearts and emotions...:love:..
These posts are just both so lovely and make so much sense :love:
I stupidly sent him a drunken message last night about how I feel. This morning, I apologized and explained where it came from, saying that we're coming at this from different angles, and I feel like I've been lifted up a lot recently and then dropped a little. He seems kind of understanding but also said he was doing normal dating procedure. the last thing he said was just 'yeah'.
I guess that's it then - I'm pretty convinced now I've completely messed it up and he's been completely scared away by my outpouring of emotion. This hurts sooo much. Like I was really into him, and kissing him was one of the best moments in my life so far, but I guess it just wasn't meant to be, even if I was convinced it was for weeks. I know this sounds dumb, but how do I move on from this, something which has been a pretty big part of my life for like nearly a month now? :(
These posts are just both so lovely and make so much sense :love:
I stupidly sent him a drunken message last night about how I feel. This morning, I apologized and explained where it came from, saying that we're coming at this from different angles, and I feel like I've been lifted up a lot recently and then dropped a little. He seems kind of understanding but also said he was doing normal dating procedure. the last thing he said was just 'yeah'.
I guess that's it then - I'm pretty convinced now I've completely messed it up and he's been completely scared away by my outpouring of emotion. This hurts sooo much. Like I was really into him, and kissing him was one of the best moments in my life so far, but I guess it just wasn't meant to be, even if I was convinced it was for weeks. I know this sounds dumb, but how do I move on from this, something which has been a pretty big part of my life for like nearly a month now? :(
..it was meant to be though because it gave you one of the best moments in your life Tom in that kiss you shared...sometimes, people are only meant to brush our lives with a kiss but are not meant to be a bigger part of it.. it's still left you with something of deep meaning though with that kiss so was very much meant to be...and you will move on and move forward if that's all it was meant to be and the good thing with that is that he can stay 'perfect'-ish because if that's it now, then you won't have to experience all of his imperfections and how messy and grim he looks in the mornings and how grumpy etc he could well be and how moody/he's probably a nightmare...if that's it then he's left you with the best of him../with that great kiss...it's his loss only and completely if that's all he was looking for because there is so much more to discover in someone... and you'll move on a bit at a time and getting less painful a bit at a time with the help of your friends from uni who care about you after such a short time, wow what great people eh...with all of the other things that your independence and this time is giving you, so much to experience/with all of those who care about you...you'll move on if that's what's meant to be and you'll meet someone who is meant to be more than a kiss in your life...I promise you....:hug:...
...(deleting phone numbers from your phone as well is something you could consider for those drunken moments..:laugh:...)...
Jamie89
15-10-2016, 11:46 AM
These posts are just both so lovely and make so much sense :love:
I stupidly sent him a drunken message last night about how I feel. This morning, I apologized and explained where it came from, saying that we're coming at this from different angles, and I feel like I've been lifted up a lot recently and then dropped a little. He seems kind of understanding but also said he was doing normal dating procedure. the last thing he said was just 'yeah'.
I guess that's it then - I'm pretty convinced now I've completely messed it up and he's been completely scared away by my outpouring of emotion. This hurts sooo much. Like I was really into him, and kissing him was one of the best moments in my life so far, but I guess it just wasn't meant to be, even if I was convinced it was for weeks. I know this sounds dumb, but how do I move on from this, something which has been a pretty big part of my life for like nearly a month now? :(
It's just that really, there's no 'messing up' involved, none of it was a mistake and you haven't done anything wrong that's led to you feeling like this. It's just that sometimes we fall for people and it turns out they're people we shouldn't have fallen for. And that's not their fault either, it's just the way it is. It happens to absolutely everyone, and if I'm wrong and it doesn't, then to be perfectly honest I feel sorry for people it hasn't happened to because like you said, you got one of the best moments in your life from it and that makes you really lucky. And one day you'll fall for someone else, and he'll fall for you too, and he'll feel all the same things that you've felt during this, and you'll get a whole load of new best life moments that bump the kiss with this guy at least out of the top 10 :laugh: and you should always have hope for that. There's nothing to do to move on from it though except just to get on with things for now, and you'll gradually feel better about the whole situation and you'll move on naturally from it :love:
Well thanks so much for your advice guys :)
Literally straight after I posted this I sent him what was gonna be my last message just saying I was sorry about this, and for messing it up, and he replied saying I hadn't messed it up and we could still meet up if I want.
What do people make of this? Should I stick to the advice I got of just kind of not being so invested in it and taking a step back?
Jamie89
15-10-2016, 12:38 PM
Well thanks so much for your advice guys :)
Literally straight after I posted this I sent him what was gonna be my last message just saying I was sorry about this, and for messing it up, and he replied saying I hadn't messed it up and we could still meet up if I want.
What do people make of this? Should I stick to the advice I got of just kind of not being so invested in it and taking a step back?
I think you should go for it if that's what you want. It just comes down to whether or not you want to keep seeing him and only you know that. Your friends will tell you not to get too invested because they don't want you to get hurt, you have to do what's right for you though.
That being said, this bit...
"he replied saying I hadn't messed it up and we could still meet up if I want."
Is that how he worded it? :worry: If it is then it sounds really off to me tbh, he isn't saying he wants to meet up, it's almost like he's suggesting he's doing you a favour (but like I've said before, you'll have a better idea than me or anyone else how he feels... it just doesn't look good to me is all).
I think you should go for it if that's what you want. It just comes down to whether or not you want to keep seeing him and only you know that. Your friends will tell you not to get too invested because they don't want you to get hurt, you have to do what's right for you though.
That being said, this bit...
"he replied saying I hadn't messed it up and we could still meet up if I want."
Is that how he worded it? :worry: If it is then it sounds really off to me tbh, he isn't saying he wants to meet up, it's almost like he's suggesting he's doing you a favour (but like I've said before, you'll have a better idea than me or anyone else how he feels... it just doesn't look good to me is all).
He said 'if you'd like to.' Tbh I didn't read into that :joker:
I think I'll just go with the flow - maybe try and arrange something next week. I'm just too scared to miss out on what could be if that makes sense.
Jamie89
15-10-2016, 12:48 PM
He said 'if you'd like to.' Tbh I didn't read into that :joker:
I think I'll just go with the flow - maybe try and arrange something next week. I'm just too scared to miss out on what could be if that makes sense.
Now I'm reading too much into things too :joker: Ok just ignore me actually :laugh: if you feel like you want to keep seeing him then go for it, life's too short!
Now I'm reading too much into things too :joker: Ok just ignore me actually :laugh: if you feel like you want to keep seeing him then go for it, life's too short!
Thanks for your advice Jamie :)
I hate how we're all leaving uni next week, it's gonna make this part drawn out haha.
Well thanks so much for your advice guys :)
Literally straight after I posted this I sent him what was gonna be my last message just saying I was sorry about this, and for messing it up, and he replied saying I hadn't messed it up and we could still meet up if I want.
What do people make of this? Should I stick to the advice I got of just kind of not being so invested in it and taking a step back?
...just fairly much what Jamie has said, Tom...and I think that you're finding your answers yourself anyway in that you're following your own emotions and instincts with this and that's all any of us do....any 'advice' is only hindsight type stuff of our own life experiences or those we have known with others, you know...and although that can be considered, we all have to 'live' things, good, bad and indifferent to create our the personal experiences that will apply to us through our lives...your heart is saying to pursue it because you've made another date, so that's always going to be the right move and decision for you...whether it be one that increases confusion or not etc still wouldn't make it wrong...if it brings us happiness then that's amazing and if it brings us sadness, then we'll get through that time with the people who care for us with the knowledge that, that person isn't someone we would want to keep in our lives and place alongside these great people we have....but the hardest thing is having an opportunity and letting it go and never knowing...I hope it all goes well for you next week...:love:...
He said 'if you'd like to.' Tbh I didn't read into that :joker:
I think I'll just go with the flow - maybe try and arrange something next week. I'm just too scared to miss out on what could be if that makes sense.
Now I'm reading too much into things too :joker: Ok just ignore me actually :laugh: if you feel like you want to keep seeing him then go for it, life's too short!
I don't think texts are working for this relationship :laugh:
TomC, I haven't been able to keep up with the thread that closely, but it sounds like to me overall some distance and emergency self-care is called for...
A month is such a short period of time really. I agree wholeheartedly with Mokka a page back
Aww, hon :hug:
Love, the feelings surrounding love, the depth of love.... these things are all uncontrollable by us, and some times we just have to ride the waves of them out. Sometimes our feelings get really deep really fast in a relationship, despite our better judgement... that doesn't make them not real.... but you do have to consider why that is? Is it him, and him and you together making you feel so attached? Or is it your own feelings about love and a relationship at this time? I know you think you have put in a lot of time and emotion towards this guy....but it is merely a drop in the bucket of how long it takes to get to know someone, and know if they are right for you, and with you. So give it more time if you feel there is something there, but don't let it be your only source of happiness in life. Emotional independence is sexy in a partner. Codependency tends to send people in the other direction.
When I was dating, if someone was giving me too many mixed signals, I got over them and moved on... life is just too short to stress about it. You have to love yourself, love the people you are around... if you were feeling that amazing just from small things like a kiss, just imagine how great it will be when you are in a mutually loving relationship... I would just take it as a positive sign you're at least ready to get your feet wet, and move onto the next fine gentlemen who is ready for some TomC
I read several pages back you said something about he invited you out with his friends... well ****, capitalize on that kind of crap. If someone wants you around, show up and friend up the **** out of that place (you could pick up one of his friends :laugh:) and have some good ol' genuine fun, whether there's any flirting or not. But seriously, if he's giving you this many issues, it's time to cut him from TomC goodness and give someone else a chance who might actually be truly interested in who you are and what you're about... you're worth so much more than that. Go book a visit with your local spa and start to make a list of wonderful things like a booklist or other fun events and hobbies you could go to post-semester
I think LGBT events sounds like a great way to meet new people but only if you would actually enjoy the events themselves... if clubbing is not your thing, then find more intimate settings. LGBT folk do a lot more than just club, drink and dance (in general)... look for groups that do things you care about, like green initiatives, marathons for important causes... or see if there are intellectual clubs... but the mission shouldn't be to go pick people up, you should actually enjoy/feel buzzed to go do those things... that way you are more likely to meet people you have things in common with. Anyway, you are young, you have plenty of time to find Mr. Right and just because this one isn't feeling it doesn't mean that nobody else will be... you guys could always stay casual friends and maybe down the line things will change, but cutting him from your emotional payroll so you can focus on you would be to your benefit
I don't think texts are working for this relationship :laugh:
TomC, I haven't been able to keep up with the thread that closely, but it sounds like to me overall some distance and emergency self-care is called for...
A month is such a short period of time really. I agree wholeheartedly with Mokka a page back
When I was dating, if someone was giving me too many mixed signals, I got over them and moved on... life is just too short to stress about it. You have to love yourself, love the people you are around... if you were feeling that amazing just from small things like a kiss, just imagine how great it will be when you are in a mutually loving relationship... I would just take it as a positive sign you're at least ready to get your feet wet, and move onto the next fine gentlemen who is ready for some TomC
I read several pages back you said something about he invited you out with his friends... well ****, capitalize on that kind of crap. If someone wants you around, show up and friend up the **** out of that place (you could pick up one of his friends :laugh:) and have some good ol' genuine fun, whether there's any flirting or not. But seriously, if he's giving you this many issues, it's time to cut him from TomC goodness and give someone else a chance who might actually be truly interested in who you are and what you're about... you're worth so much more than that. Go book a visit with your local spa and start to make a list of wonderful things like a booklist or other fun events and hobbies you could go to post-semester
I think LGBT events sounds like a great way to meet new people but only if you would actually enjoy the events themselves... if clubbing is not your thing, then find more intimate settings. LGBT folk do a lot more than just club, drink and dance (in general)... look for groups that do things you care about, like green initiatives, marathons for important causes... or see if there are intellectual clubs... but the mission shouldn't be to go pick people up, you should actually enjoy/feel buzzed to go do those things... that way you are more likely to meet people you have things in common with. Anyway, you are young, you have plenty of time to find Mr. Right and just because this one isn't feeling it doesn't mean that nobody else will be... you guys could always stay casual friends and maybe down the line things will change, but cutting him from your emotional payroll so you can focus on you would be to your benefit
Disclaimer: I am slightly drunk rn.
What do you mean emergency self-care? :laugh:
Distancing yourself when someone sends you mixed messages in dating sounds like a good idea, but for some reason I just can't imagine myself with/am not interested in anyone else at the moment.
It just feels like he's not giving me issues. I'm the one with the issues because of my desperation.
Disclaimer: I am slightly drunk rn.
What do you mean emergency self-care? :laugh:
:hehe:... mainly pampering, but you can interpret that one however you wish
Distancing yourself when someone sends you mixed messages in dating sounds like a good idea, but for some reason I just can't imagine myself with/am not interested in anyone else at the moment.
It just feels like he's not giving me issues. I'm the one with the issues because of my desperation.
It's hard to imagine the situation clearly through forum text, but I don't think your sense of desperation would be the cause of mixed signals. If he owes you anything really, it's just a straight forward answer (not sure if you really received that, seemed mixed from what I read)... but some people are not capable of handling uncomfortable confrontation well or they just would rather avoid dealing with it entirely, so they are not able to be straightforward. It's not your fault really, it's just how relationships work sometimes...
If you feel like taking a break from dating for a bit would be a good idea, then I think follow your intuition first, but just don't completely ignore all the other fish that are out there... floating around waiting for TomC to attract them with his pole :laugh:. Maybe something can happen on it's own while you are not really looking.
First guy I ever dated, he waffled about and was acting strangely (sorta like your situation) until we finally both parted ways. I knew it wouldn't have worked long-term as we were too different, but I just liked the pleasant feeling of being around him. Though I didn't like how insecure he made me feel with his non-committal behavior at times as he was a bit of a douche, but I still wasn't ready for it to end. In retrospect, I realized it was the best time when it did. It doesn't hurt any less, whether you separate out of choice or not. It took a little while for me to get over it (several months), especially seeing him around on occasion and he was already moving on, but when I finally was ready, I realized life is just too short to be so fixated on one possibility and that at the end of the day, it was about opening my heart to all that was available to me that determined the quality of my options... dating is more fun when it's on your terms (i.e. not a struggle to get someone to like you, impress them, etc). It's also good to meet different people, either people much like yourself, or just total opposites. You learn things about yourself and about other people in general that are not only good memories to have, but experiences you'll cherish for the rest of your life...
Sooooo...
i went home for the week last week - by the end I'd realized that my 'obsession' with him had been very unhealthy. I felt much better about it when I returned to uni - open to other things, and actually, was ready to throw this guy if he didn't show immediate interest the next time I tried.
So, today I tried to organize a meet up - he gave a kind of flaky response, so I told him (because at this point I was pretty much done with it anyway) that he needs to be more honest with people. He didn't take this well! He said I was being entitled, and that I needed to calm down and that there was now no chance of a second date after a bit of a hostile exchange.
Whilst this was for the best (and I am so glad he said this to me now, rather than 10 days ago or so when it would really have hurt my feelings), it's a shame the chapter is well and truly over, and tbh what he said wasn't the nicest.
Sooooo...
i went home for the week last week - by the end I'd realized that my 'obsession' with him had been very unhealthy. I felt much better about it when I returned to uni - open to other things, and actually, was ready to throw this guy if he didn't show immediate interest the next time I tried.
So, today I tried to organize a meet up - he gave a kind of flaky response, so I told him (because at this point I was pretty much done with it anyway) that he needs to be more honest with people. He didn't take this well! He said I was being entitled, and that I needed to calm down and that there was now no chance of a second date after a bit of a hostile exchange.
Whilst this was for the best (and I am so glad he said this to me now, rather than 10 days ago or so when it would really have hurt my feelings), it's a shame the chapter is well and truly over, and tbh what he said wasn't the nicest.
...hmmmm, but the chapter was so worth while in experiencing Tom...(I know it might not feel that way atm...:hug:..)..but you had to know because of your attraction to him, this is something that you had to explore and you have...if he's not looking for any type of relationship then he just isn't the person for you and as you say.../that's something that's good to know now and much easier for you to close the door on but a closed door on someone is really an open door for someone who will be more who you're looking for...when something is over though Tom...what that really means is that it's all open for something to begin.../something right to begin...:hug:...
..aaaaaaaaaaaaand you've realised what great uni friendships you have so this will give you time and opportunity to spend more time with them and creating deeper bonds...?.../something that you would have missed out on had you spent time with him...this way you get to spend time with great friends and also are open to meeting someone that you'll really connect with and who will feel the same with you...:love:..
...hmmmm, but the chapter was so worth while in experiencing Tom...(I know it might not feel that way atm...:hug:..)..but you had to know because of your attraction to him, this is something that you had to explore and you have...if he's not looking for any type of relationship then he just isn't the person for you and as you say.../that's something that's good to know now and much easier for you to close the door on but a closed door on someone is really an open door for someone who will be more who you're looking for...when something is over though Tom...what that really means is that it's all open for something to begin.../something right to begin...:hug:...
Yeah I got some great times from this - buuuut he's now certified asshole :laugh:
I'm just gonna move forward with the experience I gained from this.
Yeah I got some great times from this - buuuut he's now certified asshole :laugh:
I'm just gonna move forward with the experience I gained from this.
...he was a great kiss, even a certified ass can be something lovely in your life and the perfect thing at the perfect time, type thing...but then because you don't want to keep an ass for anything more, it's just keeping that kiss and enjoying every other experience that you're having atm and enjoying those non asses around you that might have more long term meaning in your life../those friendships and great people that you're meeting...:love:..some day that ass will be a prince Tom ....
Okay, I know TIBB isn't really the place for serious topics but I must offload!!
Basically I was pretty sure I was never gonna speak to this guy again. But a few days ago I added him back on FB whilst drunk and he accepted. This did kinda reignite my interest in a very small way. Then I saw him whilst out last night and he looked pretty good, and he ended up messaging me and in the end we met to 'talk' about what had happened. He said he was sorry and he wanted to be civil. He stayed the night and we kissed quite passionately and we also went into sexual territory but I wasn't really feeling that. He left really quickly in the morning.
Today I've just felt so down (because of others things too) because I am interested again (although not as much as last time - I don't find him as attractive now) and just feel like something could happen but on the flip side I don't wanna degrade myself after how I was treated, AND my friends hate him and won't talk about him AND I just cba going on this emotional rollercoaster again.
Why do I get like this though? Why am I so attached to this one person? Why does a hookup mean so much to me? Honestly, I feel I might need a counsellor.
UserSince2005
25-01-2017, 07:58 PM
The best advice I was ever given was that you are attracted to who you think he is not who he actually is.
You don't really know the person.
The way he acts is who he really is.
Your lust is imaginary.
If you were strong enough to truly rationalise that he's a dick, then you wouldn't be attracted to him.
UserSince2005
25-01-2017, 07:59 PM
Another piece of good advice:
If you ever think someone is better than you, or above you - Just imagine them having a **** and it being really smelly - disgusting bastard.
Another piece of good advice:
If you ever think someone is better than you, or above you - Just imagine them having a **** and it being really smelly - disgusting bastard.
:joker::joker: Thank you for lightening my mood
y.winter
26-01-2017, 05:58 AM
I think maybe you should just move on? as hard as it can be...
It doesn't sound like it's meant to be. I think it should be more nice and smooth, but it just looks like fighting to stick the wrong piece in the puzzle. There's some good suitable puzzle out there.
Okay, I know TIBB isn't really the place for serious topics but I must offload!!
Basically I was pretty sure I was never gonna speak to this guy again. But a few days ago I added him back on FB whilst drunk and he accepted. This did kinda reignite my interest in a very small way. Then I saw him whilst out last night and he looked pretty good, and he ended up messaging me and in the end we met to 'talk' about what had happened. He said he was sorry and he wanted to be civil. He stayed the night and we kissed quite passionately and we also went into sexual territory but I wasn't really feeling that. He left really quickly in the morning.
Today I've just felt so down (because of others things too) because I am interested again (although not as much as last time - I don't find him as attractive now) and just feel like something could happen but on the flip side I don't wanna degrade myself after how I was treated, AND my friends hate him and won't talk about him AND I just cba going on this emotional rollercoaster again.
Why do I get like this though? Why am I so attached to this one person? Why does a hookup mean so much to me? Honestly, I feel I might need a counsellor.
Just give in and give him what he wants.
Just give in and give him what he wants.
Which is what? :worry:
I think maybe you should just move on? as hard as it can be...
It doesn't sound like it's meant to be. I think it should be more nice and smooth, but it just looks like fighting to stick the wrong piece in the puzzle. There's some good suitable puzzle out there.
Yeah I actually think I've just latched onto him so hard because he somewhat resembles a fitting puzzle piece and because he is like the only option cos i find it so hard to meet people
Which is what? :worry:
A booty call.
Well he said he just wants to be nothing more than friends. I appreciate his honesty but it's hard after what happened the other night and he said he was reallly drunk and I just don't get why I like him so much but my head is just fecked atm
ugh so annoying when you get ignored by someone after a night out :( was excited i was gonna have something on the go! but then jsut nothing
reece(:
11-04-2017, 10:09 PM
Nookie averted?
Nookie averted?
what's a nookie
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