"I just need some space"

[Crimson Dynamo]

:suspect:


Yes its a busllsh1t line that a lot of women pull out (there have been studies so im not being sexist, honest) and naturally it means something entirely different as it does not actually mean anything but what do you think that 9/10 it actually means?

Im talking within a marriage or a long term relationship


http://www.hcamag.com/files/image/Human%20Capital/WomanInBox(280x296).jpg

[Niamh.]

I have no doubt men are guilty of using this line too :nono:

To me it would mean that the person is not happy in the relationship and it's either the first step to them breaking it off or they really are confused and need time to decide what they want to do?

I think if by "some space" they mean they want to go on a break ala Ross geller style, I'd be telling them take it all the space they need but don't come back :hee:

[Crimson Dynamo]

I have no doubt men are guilty of using this line too :nono:

To me it would mean that the person is not happy in the relationship and it's either the first step to them breaking it off or they really are confused and need time to decide what they want to do?

I think if by "some space" they mean they want to go on a break ala Ross geller style, I'd be telling them take it all the space they need but don't come back :hee:

:joker:

[caprimint]

Personally I would never say this - I'd either carry on or split up...so what that says to me is that perhaps the person isn't 100% certain of whether they want to be together and wants to see how it feels to be away from them for a while, or maybe wants to break it off but doesn't want to let them down. Bit of a cop-out though really.

[Josy]

Its not you its me

[Niamh.]

Its not you its me

https://keyassets-p2.timeincuk.net/wp/prod/wp-content/uploads/sites/30/2016/04/ChanelleHayes.gif

[Crimson Dynamo]

My pal its now week 6 and she is moving into a cottage of her boss now :suspect:

thats a lot of space

[Vicky.]

To me it means stop ****ing smothering me and I need some time to myself. But I am rather more...to the point than some other people.

Tut at the women thing though. You are morphing into thememberwhoshallnotbenamed.

[Crimson Dynamo]

To me it means stop ****ing smothering me and I need some time to myself. But I am rather more...to the point than some other people.

Tut at the women thing though. You are morphing into thememberwhoshallnotbenamed.

:nono: incorrect, its science

Dr. Orbuch recently analyzed one year of data from her study and found more wives than husbands (31% versus 26%) reported not having enough space. She believes this is because women often have less time to themselves than men. Even when women have jobs outside the home, they still are typically the primary caregivers of children or aging parents. And because they also tend to have more friends than men, they often have more social obligations.

http://jezebel.com/5919869/if-you-need-space-in-your-relationship-try-not-to-say-i-need-my-space

[caprimint]

Yeah, guys 100% say this kind of thing just as much as women. :laugh:

[caprimint]

Not you bringing the statistics out

Bet it took you all day looking it up to create the thread :idc:

[Niamh.]

:nono: incorrect, its science

Dr. Orbuch recently analyzed one year of data from her study and found more wives than husbands (31% versus 26%) reported not having enough space. She believes this is because women often have less time to themselves than men. Even when women have jobs outside the home, they still are typically the primary caregivers of children or aging parents. And because they also tend to have more friends than men, they often have more social obligations.

http://jezebel.com/5919869/if-you-need-space-in-your-relationship-try-not-to-say-i-need-my-space

So yes men say it alot too :laugh:


But there's a difference between saying you want some space as in a day to yourself or whatever than you want space as in time away from your relationship

[Vicky.]

The name of that site, to prove this...I find really amusing :joker:

[Crimson Dynamo]

The name of that site, to prove this...I find really amusing :joker:

I know, i saw it :blush2:

[Crimson Dynamo]

So yes men say it alot too :laugh:


But there's a difference between saying you want some space as in a day to yourself or whatever than you want space as in time away from your relationship

Because it is so ambiguous its a avoidance line to shirk the real reasons i feel

[Crimson Dynamo]

like "I need to find myself" and other dreadful crap like that

[Ashley.]

im not being sexist

So why did you feel the need to specify a certain gender, then? Seems to be a recurring theme with you, LT.

[Vicky.]

Is it kinder to say...'I am shagging my boss, goodbye' or to dress it up as something different. Which would you prefer?

Personally I would prefer the first, and would say the first if it was true. But some people don't like being 'cruel' if another option is available :laugh:

[Niamh.]

Is it kinder to say...'I am shagging my boss, goodbye' or to dress it up as something different. Which would you prefer?

Personally I would prefer the first, and would say the first if it was true. But some people don't like being 'cruel' if another option is available :laugh:

Well, preferably something in between those two :laugh:

[Crimson Dynamo]

So why did you feel the need to specify a certain gender, then? Seems to be a recurring theme with you, LT.

because the science says more women say it :shrug:


as the seeker of truth and justice I feel I have to specify what the statistics tell me

[smudgie]

Depends on what you mean by space.
I like my own bed space, bedroom space even.
I also like my own space as in not having to think of someone else before myself 100% of the time. Nothing better than just sitting in your own space every now and then.
Can't be doing with living in each other's pockets just because you are a couple.
But all the above can be done within a relationship, splitting up and having space might be an excuse for some, but it could also make a couple appreciate each other more:shrug:

[Crimson Dynamo]

In the case in point my pals wife has now had 6 weeks of "space" and this week is moving some effects (a sofa etc) into this new cottage. I think its bollocks tbh and I think she is at it?

[Jessica.]

Maybe your friend is more guilty than he lets on :shrug:

[Crimson Dynamo]

Maybe your friend is more guilty than he lets on :shrug:

well i have known them both for 26 years and have been on lots of holidays with them and stayed in their house etc so i pretty much know the deal. So i dont think so.

[Jessica.]

Maybe he's into something freaky that he's not comfortable talking about with you

[Crimson Dynamo]

Maybe he's into something freaky that he's not comfortable talking about with you

well if making model airplanes in his shed is considered freaky the world can just f right off

[Northern Monkey]

I say this every night when i wanna go play my Xbox

[smudgie]

In the case in point my pals wife has now had 6 weeks of "space" and this week is moving some effects (a sofa etc) into this new cottage. I think its bollocks tbh and I think she is at it?

Hmmm, now that sounds like too much space between them LT.

[Crimson Dynamo]

Hmmm, now that sounds like too much space between them LT.

It does and im getting angrier by the minute at the ridiculous situation

[Amy Jade]

Bet he asked to watch her have a poo. Deal breaker that.

[Jessica.]

Bet he asked to watch her have a poo. Deal breaker that.
She's Enid?

[Mokka]

Its not you its me

It's not me... it's you :smug:

[Mokka]

well if making model airplanes in his shed is considered freaky the world can just f right off

Maybe he should have spent less time making model airplanes :worry:

[Kizzy]

I think it means something totally different for men and women, with women it means the relationship is over and for men they just need a bit of space and then they'll be fine.
Don't forget, we come from different planets :)

[Cherie]

I think it's a hedging your bets kind of thing, I need space, I'm going to try something else, if it doesn't work out I don't need space any more. I hope your friend is okay LT, that sounds a bit ****ty after 26 years together she should have told him the truth

[Crimson Dynamo]

She said yesterday she is going to learn Latin Dancing

:worry:

[Niamh.]

I think it's a hedging your bets kind of thing, I need space, I'm going to try something else, if it doesn't work out I don't need space any more. I hope your friend is okay LT, that sounds a bit ****ty after 26 years together she should have told him the truth

Seems like it yeah in this case, that's a terrible way to treat someone

[Cherie]

She said yesterday she is going to learn Latin Dancing

:worry:

Classic mid life crisis hobby

[Crimson Dynamo]

Classic mid life crisis hobby

and she hit fifty earlier this year....

[Kyle]

She said yesterday she is going to learn Latin Dancing

:worry:

Oh we all know why this is.

¡Ooh Julio, usted tiene una gran polla! :hehe:

[arista]

She's Enid?



A Hot Lady

[Mokka]

She said yesterday she is going to learn Latin Dancing

:worry:

He should offer to learn with her

[Crimson Dynamo]

He should offer to learn with her

But thats just it he does not want to, he hates the thought of it (as would I).

They dont really have too much in common tbh bizarrely. SHe is the type to go for a walk on a Sunday and want to talk about pensions and work and my pal would rather not do that.

[Mokka]

But thats just it he does not want to, he hates the thought of it (as would I).

They dont really have too much in common tbh bizarrely. SHe is the type to go for a walk on a Sunday and want to talk about pensions and work and my pal would rather not do that.

Then they have a problem.

If couples aren't able to bend a little for each other in a relationship... then it's doomed. Some times you have to do what you don't want to make things work for the other.

My guess is, she wouldn't have told him about the dancing if she didn't deep down want him to be involved.

[Crimson Dynamo]

Then they have a problem.

If couples aren't able to bend a little for each other in a relationship... then it's doomed. Some times you have to do what you don't want to make things work for the other.

My guess is, she wouldn't have told him about the dancing if she didn't deep down want him to be involved.

Well moving out of the house and into a wee cottage that her boss "just happens to have" is also sending a sort of subliminal message would you not say?

[Mokka]

Well moving out of the house and into a wee cottage that her boss "just happens to have" is also sending a sort of subliminal message would you not say?

No...that isn't subtle or subliminal....that's pretty obvious. The question for your friend is... does he care enough to do anything about it? Because the dancing thing is just one way she is showing him he could.

[Niamh.]

But thats just it he does not want to, he hates the thought of it (as would I).

They dont really have too much in common tbh bizarrely. SHe is the type to go for a walk on a Sunday and want to talk about pensions and work and my pal would rather not do that.

If they have nothing in common maybe it's just as well they're separating?

[Crimson Dynamo]

If they have nothing in common maybe it's just as well they're separating?

Yes I think so but at the mo he is looking at the whole years worth of woe and turmoil and all the friends stuff and hassle and thinking "oh fck I do not want to go through all that"

[Rob!]

Does this mean Tuesday Lady has become leap year lady? :worry:

[Crimson Dynamo]

Does this mean Tuesday Lady has become leap year lady? :worry:
No. The TL is unrelated to this thread. :hee:

[Rob!]

No. The TL is unrelated to this thread. :hee:

She knows where her bread is buttered :clap1:

[Crimson Dynamo]

She knows where her bread is buttered :clap1:

The Truth impact on Rob!

:omgno:

[Niamh.]

Yes I think so but at the mo he is looking at the whole years worth of woe and turmoil and all the friends stuff and hassle and thinking "oh fck I do not want to go through all that"

Yeah I can understand that, seperating after that long will be tough and a bit of an ordeal but once he gets through it he may just be happy that it happened. I can't think of anything worse then to be stuck in a rut with someone who doesn't interest you or who doesn't share the same priorities and some interests

[Crimson Dynamo]

Yeah I can understand that, seperating after that long will be tough and a bit of an ordeal but once he gets through it he may just be happy that it happened. I can't think of anything worse then to be stuck in a rut with someone who doesn't interest you or who doesn't share the same priorities and some interests

His therapist said to him "when xxxx gets home from work at 10 and you hear the door open what do you immediately think?" He replied "oh fck no"

I told him that perhaps that was not a very positive reaction and he agreed..

[Niamh.]

His therapist said to him "when xxxx gets home from work at 10 and you hear the door open what do you immediately think?" He replied "oh fck no"

I told him that perhaps that was not a very positive reaction and he agreed..

Oh Dear, that's pretty telling eh? No harm she's moved in with her boss :laugh:

[Cherie]

Oh we all know why this is.

¡Ooh Julio, usted tiene una gran pollo! :hehe:

Loose translation ...Julio you have a big chicken

[Cherie]

His therapist said to him "when xxxx gets home from work at 10 and you hear the door open what do you immediately think?" He replied "oh fck no"

I told him that perhaps that was not a very positive reaction and he agreed..

:joker: so why is he so bothered she wanted space, at least she actually did something about it rather than plodding along

[Crimson Dynamo]

:joker: so why is he so bothered she wanted space, at least she actually did something about it rather than plodding along

Well i think he would have more preferred he to sit down and talk rather than say "oh im leaving"

I think its over and I guess there is no easy way for these things and it will always be messy.

Still i cant lay into her as they may get back together

:worry:

[Paula D]

:nono: incorrect, its science

Dr. Orbuch recently analyzed one year of data from her study and found more wives than husbands (31% versus 26%) reported not having enough space. She believes this is because women often have less time to themselves than men. Even when women have jobs outside the home, they still are typically the primary caregivers of children or aging parents. And because they also tend to have more friends than men, they often have more social obligations.

http://jezebel.com/5919869/if-you-need-space-in-your-relationship-try-not-to-say-i-need-my-space

That's wardrobe space they meant!!

[Kizzy]

Well i think he would have more preferred he to sit down and talk rather than say "oh im leaving"

I think its over and I guess there is no easy way for these things and it will always be messy.

Still i cant lay into her as they may get back together

:worry:

I doubt they will she sounds bored out of her brain, I say well done her it can't have been easy to climb out of that rut.
If his reaction when she came home was 'oh fk no' then maybe he's just disappointed at the disruption to his routine?

Life is short and if you finish work at 10 and come home to someone who has the 'oh fk no' face then I say turn around, walk straight out and don't look back!

[Crimson Dynamo]

I doubt they will she sounds bored out of her brain, I say well done her it can't have been easy to climb out of that rut.
If his reaction when she came home was 'oh fk no' then maybe he's just disappointed at the disruption to his routine?

Life is short and if you finish work at 10 and come home to someone who has the 'oh fk no' face then I say turn around, walk straight out and don't look back!

Or maybe its because she comes home with a face like a slapped arse rolls a joint drinks wine and moans about work and never asks him about his day?

[Cherie]

Well i think he would have more preferred he to sit down and talk rather than say "oh im leaving"


Isn't that the time for him to say let's talk?


I think its over and I guess there is no easy way for these things and it will always be messy.

Still i cant lay into her as they may get back together

:worry:


Best stay out of it in all honesty

[Cherie]

Or maybe its because she comes home with a face like a slapped arse rolls a joint drinks wine and moans about work and never asks him about his day?

The rural scottish idyll

[caprimint]

His therapist said to him "when xxxx gets home from work at 10 and you hear the door open what do you immediately think?" He replied "oh fck no"

I told him that perhaps that was not a very positive reaction and he agreed..
:facepalm:

I guess it's the fact that they've been together for so long that he kind of doesn't want to lose that feeling of 'having someone there' even though it sounds like it's not the right person?

[Kyle]

Tell him to buck his ideas up and get himself a Playstation.

Never once has my PS4 told me I'm an idiot for leaving the wet washing in a washing machine for too long. She appreciates me.

[Niamh.]

Tell him to buck his ideas up and get himself a Playstation.

Never once has my PS4 told me I'm an idiot for leaving the wet washing in a washing machine for too long. She appreciates me.

And she doesn't complain when you sit in front of her in your clothes that now smell like wet dog :flutter:

[Kyle]

And she doesn't complain when you sit in front of her in your clothes that now smell like wet dog :flutter:

Hey now that's enough of that, I'm trying to help the poor bloke here Nee. :nono:

We've had 3 pages of feely feely femsplaining and now it's time for a man to step in and offer some practical solutions.

[Crimson Dynamo]

I did tell him that the answers would be found at the bottom of a good tumbler full of whisky

[Maru]

I have no doubt men are guilty of using this line too :nono:

To me it would mean that the person is not happy in the relationship and it's either the first step to them breaking it off or they really are confused and need time to decide what they want to do?

I think if by "some space" they mean they want to go on a break ala Ross geller style, I'd be telling them take it all the space they need but don't come back :hee:

I agree with this generally... though I think a lot of times, people are actually sure they know what's best, but they don't want to lose out on something they invested in, so they ask for space to get a clearer picture of what they want... (usually out of good intentions but it's an act of denial).

I also notice in codependent relationships or relationships where there is smothering/controlling behavior going on... the weaker of the two sometimes asks for space, and then they don't know what to do with the freedom and are more emotionally vulnerable (relatively speaking here)... and may end up having a little bit of fun on the side... funny enough, the stronger link (usually the one doing the smothering) usually takes responsibility for "fixing it", forgives them and they go back... or it falls apart at the seams... though they don't usually last... I've seen that happen with friends whose lives are all sorts of stupidly complicated because they don't know understand the point of boundaries and do lots of "fixing" to each other instead of dealing with their issues...

Though in general I don't think there is anything wrong with asking for space. If you're otherwise good with each other, but the other person actually does need space to assess their actual priorities, it can really strengthen a relationship and make a good foundation for a long-term relationship (or marriage). I gave my husband 7 years to change his mind before we finally tied the knot.

[Ammi]

...when people say they need space in that context, I often find that what they actually need is to talk/communicate and maybe that's what they haven't been doing enough of..?..just both doing their own thing and not giving themselves any quality time as a couple...it's sad, they may work it out but a lot of communication seems to be the thing that is needed, the 'grass may seem greener' for her atm but that could just be a reactionary/attention thing and that's what needs to be addressed...relationships/marriages etc need to be worked on, they don't just flourish and sustain on their own without that..just drifting along can very much be, not drifting in the same direction and then these things can sadly happen..anyways I don't think that whisky is the answer, I think communication is to find out if their future can be with each other or no..../sometimes people just fall out of love as well...

[thesheriff443]

Its not you its me

I agree:laugh: