Do you visit relatives graves

[thesheriff443]

Do you visit relatives graves, if so how often?

[Crimson Dynamo]

Yes, i visited my great great grandfather, great grandfather, grandfather and father on Sunday as it goes and put some flowers on them all. Luckily they are all in 2 adjacent graveyards.

[Cal.]

Occasionally yes.

[Crimson Dynamo]

Last night at an auction there was a box with a vintage real skeleton in it and it was weird holding this mans skull in my hand to think he was once a human with thoughts and a life, he still had a few teeth attached. It made 175 quid

[Shaun]

Sometimes go with my mother for anniversaries/birthdays etc but I don't think I'd go of my own accord, don't really feel comfortable doing it.

[Crimson Dynamo]

I find graveyards fascinating

[_Tom_]

No, most of my relatives were cremated.

[Cherie]

Yes

[Benjamin]

Not been to my fathers and brothers' in a while, and now I'm in New Zealand it'll be longer. I will visit them on trips back to England though.

[Mokka]

No

I lately think i should, but i haven't been to the farm in so many years where my father's parents are.... and my maternal grandmother's grave is here on the outskirts of the city... but i just never think on a day off that I should be going to it. I guess it just isn't a tradition my family have ... i am thinking it is because we only have had one generation pass in North America

[hijaxers]

Do you visit relatives graves, if so how often?

Mostly mine have been burnt

[caprimint]

No...it's pointless unless you are religious.

[Brother Leon]

Yeah. Along with a couple Friends that I miss dearly.

[Jessica.]

I used to visit my father's grave around two or three times a year as a child but I haven't in about 8 years at this stage. My grandfather (his dad) ended up being buried with him against my mother's and siblings will, I wasn't close to that man so it just feels spoiled and not special now.

[Cherie]

No...it's pointless unless you are religious.

LT? :omgno:


Not necessarily, it can be out of respect for those that are gone as well

[Tom4784]

No, I don't see the point as the person is gone and I don't find comfort in visiting the holes where their ashes are buried. I don't need to visit a grave to show my respects.

[caprimint]

LT? :omgno:


Not necessarily, it can be out of respect for those that are gone as well
But why do you have to go to a grave to show respect? :suspect:

They are never going to know whether you visit it or not. It's all in the mind if you feel a 'connection' or whatever.

[T*]

Yes every time it's his Birthday/Death anniversary
It's 2 days out your year to show your respect and so I do it

[T*]

But why do you have to go to a grave to show respect? :suspect:

They are never going to know whether you visit it or not. It's all in the mind if you feel a 'connection' or whatever.

Let's not do this whole thing

[kirklancaster]

No. I am a (unorthodox) Christian, so to me, they are no longer there, only what remains of their physical bodies. I get the respect aspect and laying of flowers etc, and that is fine by me because I would never try to impose my beliefs on anyone else or criticise something as highly personal as someone else's customs concerning passed relatives, but I actually 'talk' to my passed relatives - and friends - virtually daily and they are just as often in my thoughts.

[T*]

No...it's pointless unless you are religious.



Yet I'm not religious :shrug:

[caprimint]

Yet I'm not religious :shrug:
Meh. I don't see how it has any real meaning if you're not.

Most likely something you've been brought up to do just because your family do.

[Crimson Dynamo]

No...it's pointless unless you are religious.

Incorrect, it is life affirming to recognise what has come before you, its nothing to do with religion, its about being alive

[Marsh.]

It's just a place to go with a pretty headstone in their memory. Doesn't have to have any religious connotations. For some people it's just a nice little tribute/memorial for them.

[Crimson Dynamo]

In Italy the headstones have photos on of the person, its a lovely idea

[Ammi]

..when I visit my mum, I often go with her to visit her mum and dad's grave...not so much to pay respects for me but more that it's a time when she reminisces about them and about her childhood etc and I never knew my grandma/she died when I was a baby so I love to hear my mum's stories is the reason really and that's the time she talks most about some things../and weirdly it's just her and I time and getting to know my mum before she was my mum as well...I've only ever visited my dad's grave one time and it so much made me feel that he wasn't there/all that was there were his ashes but that's not him...and I hate the fact that my mum feels a link to where his ashes are so that she is disabled from living a life without him and moving closer to those who love her/the living who love her...which would be moving away from his grave...people we love/have loved and have had great meaning in our lives are in our hearts and in the things we are/they're a part of us so they're with us wherever we are always so I don't personally feel the need to visit a place of burial of a body or ashes etc...

[Jamie89]

I never have, the relatives I've had who have died have been cremated. I've never visited where their ashes have been scattered though.

[Niamh.]

But why do you have to go to a grave to show respect? :suspect:

They are never going to know whether you visit it or not. It's all in the mind if you feel a 'connection' or whatever.

I agree, I find talking about the person, looking through old letters/photos etc is a much better way to remember the person and keep their memory alive

[Vicky.]

No. I am not religious in the slightest. Obviously most can tell the rest of my opinion from this little snippet...so I won't go into it as its rather insensitive to those who do visit graves.

[caprimint]

Incorrect, it is life affirming to recognise what has come before you, its nothing to do with religion, its about being alive
Who has hacked your account? :omgno:

I agree, I find talking about the person, looking through old letters/photos etc is a much better way to remember the person and keep their memory alive
Totally agreed with this.

[Cherie]

But why do you have to go to a grave to show respect? :suspect:

They are never going to know whether you visit it or not. It's all in the mind if you feel a 'connection' or whatever.

Personally I find it sad to see unkempt graves, it feels like no one cares :shrug:

[kirklancaster]

I agree, I find talking about the person, looking through old letters/photos etc is a much better way to remember the person and keep their memory alive

Apart from our children carrying our genes throughout their lives and passing them on to their children, it is exactly THAT what you say above which keeps us immortal Niamh, whether we are religious or not. While ever SOMEONE is TALKING about us, THINKING about us, and REMEMBERING us with love and respect after were gone, we LIVE.

[Cherie]

I agree, I find talking about the person, looking through old letters/photos etc is a much better way to remember the person and keep their memory alive

You can do both?

[Benjamin]

Personally I find it sad to see unkempt graves, it feels like no one cares :shrug:

This. It' feels like 'oh they're buried now, let's move on'. Otherwise you may as well just be cremated and scattered.

[Niamh.]

Apart from our children carrying our genes throughout their lives and passing them on to their children, it is exactly THAT what you say above which keeps us immortal Niamh, whether we are religious or not. While ever SOMEONE is TALKING about us, THINKING about us, and REMEMBERING us with love and respect after were gone, we LIVE.

Exactly. I want to be cremated anyway, I don't want a grave stone or anything like that

[Niamh.]

You can do both?

If you like, I won't stop you :laugh: I was just talking about myself

[Cherie]

Exactly. I want to be cremated anyway, I don't want a grave stone or anything like that

I don't want to be buried either, it's one of my biggest fears. :laugh:

[caprimint]

Personally I find it sad to see unkempt graves, it feels like no one cares :shrug:
Tbh I find it sad that people see it in that way because a grave means nothing about how much you care about that person. It's supposed to be a personal thing rather than trying to prove it to others. :shrug:

Exactly. I want to be cremated anyway, I don't want a grave stone or anything like that
Same.

[Cherie]

If you like, I won't stop you :laugh: I was just talking about myself

Oh were you, okay

[Ammi]

..I guess how my thoughts are is that at some point that grave will become unkempt in time but at no point will they not have had great meaning in your life and the lives of other generations as well in many cases...

[Ammi]

..I guess it's knowing the person as well..?...my dad would very much have been, don't be spending your time visiting my ashes young lady just be off to the pub with you and have a drink on me../or some such thing...it's something he wouldn't have felt had any meaning...

[Cherie]

Tbh I find it sad that people see it in that way because a grave means nothing about how much you care about that person. It's supposed to be a personal thing rather than trying to prove it to others. :shrug:


Fine I guess, not sure why we are debating this, as it is very personal, it would have been nice if people could state what they do without 40 questions about it, but that's TIBB for you.

[LaLaLand]

Yes we always make sure to go birthdays/Christmas with flowers and like every few weeks just to tidy up and clean and what not.

Very calming places cemeteries. I just go and sit somedays thinking!

[T*]

Meh. I don't see how it has any real meaning if you're not.



Most likely something you've been brought up to do just because your family do.



My family isn't religious either.

[T*]

In Italy the headstones have photos on of the person, its a lovely idea



Some do over here too, it's nice

[T*]

Fine I guess, not sure why we are debating this, as it is very personal, it would have been nice if people could state what they do without 40 questions about it, but that's TIBB for you.



It really is silly and it's annoyed me quite a lot

[Firewire]

Most of my deceased relatives were cremated. If anyone is to be buried in the future though I would visit them. The amount of times would increase based on how close I was to them.

I don't think it has anything to do with religion.

[Calderyon]

Yes, every Christmas.

[caprimint]

My family isn't religious either.
Wasn't saying that, my point was that you more than likely follow their tradition rather than deciding for yourself given your age as well (without sounding patronizing).

[Ninastar]

No I don't and I should really. I just find it really uncomfortable.

[smudgie]

Nope.
My memories and the love in my heart for them is enough.
I send off money to charities that meant something personal to each of my departed loved ones, Christmas presents for them sort of.:shrug:

Oops, my poor dad is still in the wardrobe nearly 7 years after he has passed.

[kirklancaster]

Yes we always make sure to go birthdays/Christmas with flowers and like every few weeks just to tidy up and clean and what not.

Very calming places cemeteries. I just go and sit somedays thinking!

Graveyards are one of my favourite places too Jonnii. They are restful, often tranquil places, but I like to look at the inscriptions on the really old headstones because they are fascinating.

I write, and I've drawn inspiration for two horror stories (one published) from old headstones.

I don't know if you have heard of the Beatles (some haven't these days) but they took the name Eleanor Rigby from a headstone in a Liverpool Cemetery.

[kirklancaster]

Nope.
My memories and the love in my heart for them is enough.
I send off money to charities that meant something personal to each of my departed loved ones, Christmas presents for them sort of.:shrug:

Oops, my poor dad is still in the wardrobe nearly 7 years after he has passed.

:laugh:

[Ashley.]

I visit my sister's grave every once in a while. I talk about the day I've had, the latest on the streets, the conversations I feel like we'd be having if she was still alive. And that may not mean anything to some people, but it means everything to me x

[Niamh.]

I visit my sister's grave every once in a while. I talk about the day I've had, the latest on the streets, the conversations I feel like we'd be having if she was still alive. And that may not mean anything to some people, but it means everything to me x

I don't think it means nothing to people Ashley, I think people are just saying they might feel better doing that elsewhere. For me the graveyard is such a cold place and a reminder of death more than the life of the person, if you know what I mean? But it's obviously a completely personal thing.

Also, sorry about your sister, she must have been pretty young

[Ammi]

I visit my sister's grave every once in a while. I talk about the day I've had, the latest on the streets, the conversations I feel like we'd be having if she was still alive. And that may not mean anything to some people, but it means everything to me x

..Ashley...:lovedup:...that's it really isn't it...grief is so individual to everyone and how we remember and how we respect and love in death is also so individual and it's whatever has great meaning to us...there is no meaningless because it's whatever meaning each of us give things...

[Amy Jade]

I go with my mum and Nan to my aunties and grandads grave every week in the nicer months but soon we will go every other week because my mum likes to put artificial christmassy wreaths on. My uncle is in a different cemetary and it's quite far away so we go on birthday and christmas.

My auntie loved flowers so it feels nice putting them on her grave, I always think she'd be made up with a bunch of flowers. I understand when people don't want to go or don't feel the need to but I always feel quite sad when we go and see a grave with nothing on, seems abandoned although I never judge.

[Amy Jade]

Last year I put a present on their graves too. Nothing expensive but a keyring for my grandad and a lipstick for my auntie. Lots of people think thats stupid but it's how I cope - I don't like leaving them out.

[T*]

Wasn't saying that, my point was that you more than likely follow their tradition rather than deciding for yourself given your age as well (without sounding patronizing).



Well I'd choose go actually, I wouldn't feel comfortable not going and I'm off to uni in a couple of years so I'll do what I can in that sense but I wouldn't not do something for it...

[T*]

Last year I put a present on their graves too. Nothing expensive but a keyring for my grandad and a lipstick for my auntie. Lots of people think thats stupid but it's how I cope - I don't like leaving them out.



That's really lovely :love:

[Marsh.]

Exactly. I want to be cremated anyway, I don't want a grave stone or anything like that

I already have a Niamh shrine in my house anyway.

https://qph.ec.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-7abded2bd98fdececdfd7df5cb85a67a-c?convert_to_webp=true

[Niamh.]

I already have a Niamh shrine in my house anyway.

https://qph.ec.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-7abded2bd98fdececdfd7df5cb85a67a-c?convert_to_webp=true

:worry:

[Ashley.]

I don't think it means nothing to people Ashley, I think people are just saying they might feel better doing that elsewhere. For me the graveyard is such a cold place and a reminder of death more than the life of the person, if you know what I mean? But it's obviously a completely personal thing.

Also, sorry about your sister, she must have been pretty young

Exactly, that's why I'm a little shocked at seeing a couple of people trying to debate it...

:love: She was one of a kind.

..Ashley...:lovedup:...that's it really isn't it...grief is so individual to everyone and how we remember and how we respect and love in death is also so individual and it's whatever has great meaning to us...there is no meaningless because it's whatever meaning each of us give things...

Couldn't have put it better myself, Ammi xx

[Josy]

Yes I do, I personally find it helps to deal with things better if you have a memorial area for them (but then everyone's different I guess), somewhere to go and think about things, leave them flowers etc, of course I can do all this at home too or anywhere else but it's nice to have a specific place dedicated to them IMO.

I visit my mum and brothers graves every few weeks, tidy the place up refresh the flowers and so on and we also visit on every special occasion like birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas day.

We have our own little traditions for remembering people too, during the Christmas period I have memory candles that get lit and on New Years Day after weve had dinner we let off lanterns for our deceased loved ones with little messages wrote on them, again not everyones cup of tea but it's our thing and we enjoy doing it.

[joeysteele]

Yes, very often.

[Crimson Dynamo]

My 2 uncles tend my granny and grampas grave and always have fresh flowers on them and they both died in 1974!

[Crimson Dynamo]

Also when I visit and its quiet I do hear a lot of dull thudding noises, I guess it must be some far off army base of something. Its more in the new graveyard.

:think:

[Babayaro.]

Nope :/ I really should do it more often though

[Liam-]

I'm going to today, it's 5 years to the day that my Bampy died and it'll be the first time I've been to his grave since his funeral, I'm feeling a bit apprehensive about it tbh and I don't know why.