parmnions facebook memories.

[Beso]

This is from this day 2 years ago..

Litter wars.....BBC1...the police say its hard to police folk letting their dogs **** and no pick it up. Can they no be bothered to stand with a camera for four hours issuing on the spot fines for folk they catch. Do that every day for a week and I'm sure folk would be picking dug **** up if it was costing them thirty quid a squirt when they don't....they are happy enough being aw pompous and arsey with their cameras when they catch someone doing thirty five in a thirty zone aw day.



I will post a new one everyday.:joker:

[ebandit]

....stoop...scoop that poop...................

recently i took a large bag and scooped up all the poop in my area

...+ action.....................if you're not part of the solution?

Mark L

[Beso]

thats fantastic ebandit...

one from last year on this day, it was either this or a sad one...........



Went around to a friends house today. His wife was sat there with their newborn baby. She asked if i'd like to wind it. I thought that was a bit harsh so I gave it a dead leg instead.

[Niamh.]

thats fantastic ebandit...

one from last year on this day, it was either this or a sad one...........



Went around to a friends house today. His wife was sat there with their newborn baby. She asked if i'd like to wind it. I thought that was a bit harsh so I gave it a dead leg instead.

:laugh:

[Livia]

thats fantastic ebandit...

one from last year on this day, it was either this or a sad one...........



Went around to a friends house today. His wife was sat there with their newborn baby. She asked if i'd like to wind it. I thought that was a bit harsh so I gave it a dead leg instead.


LMAOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooo

[arista]

Is this General Chat?

Good Irish Mod


Is this the section for it?
http://www.thisisbigbrother.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=12

[ebandit]

....thanks! parmnion ..............when it's cold wet 'n dark out that laugh went down well

Mark L

[Beso]

You are welcome.

2 years ago today must have been a tuesday


It's tuesday though, my favourite mid week day..Saturday is my favourite weekend day, my favourite nights are Friday and I like a Monday night as well...don't like sundays or Thursdays, daytime, nights are all right though...anyway I'm rambling to much the day will be over before I know it, which is never good on your favourite mid week day.

[Beso]

Surprise surprise i had no fb memories to share yesterday.

I hope this one feom last year makes up for it.

Andrex quilt toilet paper.. you seen the advertisement on the package, as clean as a cloud or as clean as a shiny diamond. They might as well say buy this for a polished hoop, or refresh your ring with andrex quilts.

[ebandit]

https://s19.postimg.org/ovrjvlrrn/image.jpg

bless ya! parmnion ...................that's life..................look at me...taking pic

of my watch to send to a friend is how exciting my life gets......................

Mark L

[Beso]

https://s19.postimg.org/ovrjvlrrn/image.jpg

bless ya! parmnion ...................that's life..................look at me...taking pic

of my watch to send to a friend is how exciting my life gets......................

Mark L
Lol mark.

That looks like a noce area, and watch..ive never been one for watches.

[ebandit]

cheers!...............that's the castle.....................which was new............for

new castle...in the day post 1066...................watch is special 'cos skull dial

was handmade by another friend............that's how 'sad' i am!

Mark L

[Cherie]

great watch :love:

[ebandit]

https://s19.postimg.org/6abwcozir/DSCI4424.jpg

thanks! and look at the buckle...with coin engraved by a friend.............

oops! soz parm.................stole ya thread...again

Mark L

[Beso]

Could do with another one......

Holiday today..

[Beso]

2013...2am.

Nothing worse than a nightime ****e..not happy!

[ebandit]

...nothing worse? not even a date with klaus barbie?

so today i'm starting to change my life...............where i don't know stuff i will educate
myself?

1st small step.......parmnion? is that a family name....on this google was not my friend?

thanks! Mark L

[Beso]

http://saadmohammad14.blogfa.com/post-52.aspx

[ebandit]

http://saadmohammad14.blogfa.com/post-52.aspx

...............................................oh!

ebandit.......................ee banned it ......like eBay but less honest

Mark L

[Beso]

Looks like i was a bit hasty with yesterdays post.......2012.




Nothing worse than leaving your reading goggles at work.

[Beso]

A repost



FOR SALE, this absolute parcel of ****.... 55 plate Saab 93 diesel.... basically a vectra in a Swedish wig.... has a long MOT, most likely was a bent one, it's done similar mileage to your bird at 133k miles n it's got a big towbar on the back so you can pull the fat bitch out of bed in the mornin when she won't make you a brew the selfish cow.... engine and gearbox are good, runs like a smackhead with a stolen sky box n a block of cheese under his arm, and it's still showing taxed so you won't get pulled when your out n about selling Sputnik to kids wearin manbags..... all the lights work as you can see, and it looks like the previous owner washed it EVERYDAY.... with a ****ing brick!! No timewasters, serious buyers only. Ideal cheap family car at £695 if you can handle your wife leaving you for a crackhead on a mountain bike n your kids denying you as their father when you drop em off at school in the pile of ****...... part exchange welcome.

[Beso]

2010..victor meldrew mode.


Kids get it easy these days, I remember when you only got lucozade if you were feeling ill !!!

[Beso]

2011....


Embarrassing Bodies....saw RIGHT up some fella's backdoor, its put me off me chocolate buttons.

[Beso]

2010.

This is the life eh !! Sitting in on a friday night !!!! Talking to a screen.

[Beso]

2012...feel free to use this little gem i came up with.

I'm as frustrated as a tyrannosaurus rex with a hard on.

[Beso]

So much for prison reabilitation !!! Folk are just born with a "bad gene", theres no denying it.

[Beso]

2011.

I felt sorry for the hypnotist i saw last night. He hypnotised 7 blokes, then he tripped over the microphone cord, and yelled " **** Me!".
What happened next will haunt me forever....

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

2011.

I felt sorry for the hypnotist i saw last night. He hypnotised 7 blokes, then he tripped over the microphone cord, and yelled " **** Me!".
What happened next will haunt me forever....

http://i.imgur.com/hyUOVbw.jpg

[Beso]

I've just pulled out my 5 year old nieces tooth out with my bare hands.I'm now her fvourte uncle.

[Beso]

Melrose sevens.....70's theme!!!, the posh ****ers could have introduced 70;s prices for the entry fee...£20 feck that....

[Beso]

For sale two white ferrets and cage £50

[Beso]

I recieved a nice phone call from windows head office today from a nice asian sounding bloke going by the name of Smith!
He kindly informed me my computer was about to crash. Well I had a nice 20 minute chat with him,(Of course I had so many questions) It ended up with him calling me a muddafutter, and me laughing down the phone at him and his poor effort in getting me to divulge my information.
I must remember to email Bill gates's personel department and inform them of their poor customer relations..

[Beso]

i had a bet on 3 horses today called sunshine, moonlight and good times....
none of them won

i blame it on the bookie

[Beso]

Ernie els..the big easy.so called because he rejected the name the big town bike.

[Livia]

2011.

I felt sorry for the hypnotist i saw last night. He hypnotised 7 blokes, then he tripped over the microphone cord, and yelled " **** Me!".
What happened next will haunt me forever....

i had a bet on 3 horses today called sunshine, moonlight and good times....
none of them won

i blame it on the bookie

This thread is fast becoming my favourite. All the posts have made me laugh, but these two? Golden.

[Beso]

Thanks livia.

2011
I have to say about the grand national, the start..wtf, that bloke trying to pull the tape back so they could re set it had the funniest looking grimmace i've ever seen. Talk about horse teeth.

[Beso]

Just booked trrain tickets for my journey up to kelso for the SCOTTISH SCOOTER RALLY..cant wait it's been a while since I went to this great weekend.

[Beso]

2013



Only thing ah remember about the 80's is sitting on ma own **** just as ah sat back on my bike after finally posting the last paper of my paper round after ah had spent the last hour trying to keep it in..apart from the music the 80's are best forgotten..spec 85/86

[Beso]

I'M BORED. anyone fancy dressing up as the grim reaper with me and going round the old folks home to tap on the windows?

[ebandit]

..........remember that old dear who at weddings would say.......'you're next'

..........until that funeral where ya pointed to her...........'you're next'

Mark L

[Beso]

titties like a woman.............ch4

:shrug:

[waterhog]

I poop all round my village :joker: and it never gets scooped :cheer2:

[Beso]

2013


Don't you just hate it when you phone your boss to let him know you are going to be late to work and he tells you he's not in himself yet!

[Beso]

In the wake of bin laden's death, Muslims have gone on the rampage in Ilford,Manor Park and East Ham killing anyone who's English. Police fear the death toll could be as high as 2.

[Beso]

Lost phone but if you need me , then you are off your head.

[Beso]

2015

Reports of a mass influx of bull****, much like the last influx of bull**** we had four years ago. The bull**** we can expect will be slimey, devious, untrustworthy and closed to all. Best we can hope for is as near a normal life for ourselves as possible as the influx of bull**** lies, then covers itself up on all range of topics as it moves on by. Past experiences point towards another 4 years of the usual pish just might be a different shade of ****eyness.

[Livia]

In the wake of bin laden's death, Muslims have gone on the rampage in Ilford,Manor Park and East Ham killing anyone who's English. Police fear the death toll could be as high as 2.


LOL... I come from East Ham... nice to see the old manor get a shout out, even if it is a negative one.

[Beso]

Those chauhuaha dogs, sneekier than a politician during an election campaign

[Beso]

Last year.


If running down a flight of stairs involuntary farting as you hit every stair is a sign of getting old, then i'm afraid i'm getting old...thought I was being chased by a machine gun!!

[Niamh.]

LOL... I come from East Ham... nice to see the old manor get a shout out, even if it is a negative one.

I'll be out that direction(ish) next month, Gav has cousins in Stratford who we're going to visit. I lived in Bow Road for 6 months of my time in London too :love:

[Livia]

I'll be out that direction(ish) next month, Gav has cousins in Stratford who we're going to visit. I lived in Bow Road for 6 months of my time in London too :love:

What with that, and my shock-6% Irish heritage... we're cousins, obviously.

I remember Stratford when it was a sh1t-hole and the Olympic Park was a traim marshalling yard... it's changed, man....

[Niamh.]

What with that, and my shock-6% Irish heritage... we're cousins, obviously.

I remember Stratford when it was a sh1t-hole and the Olympic Park was a traim marshalling yard... it's changed, man....

Indeed Libhia :love:

[Livia]

Indeed Libhia :love:

Who knew??

http://49yzp92imhtx8radn224z7y1-wpengine.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/feit.jpg

[Niamh.]

:laugh2:

[Beso]

I'll be out that direction(ish) next month, Gav has cousins in Stratford who we're going to visit. I lived in Bow Road for 6 months of my time in London too :love:

Im half an hour away in essex..can i come.:joker:

[Niamh.]

Im half an hour away in essex..can i come.:joker:

:laugh:

I can see myself explaining that to Gav

[Beso]

:joker:

Bit of luck you might feature in next years memories:joker:

[Niamh.]

:joker:

Bit of luck you might feature in next years memories:joker:

https://media.giphy.com/media/vLq5FWMjfN47S/giphy.gif

[Beso]

2015

nice and hot today though, wonderfull.



Looks like today is going to be the same..enjoy everyone.

[ebandit]

...........OMG! there's a curious golden globe in the sky..........

Mark L

[Beso]

2015..my first public book review.



the blade artist by irvine welsh...load of ****.zzzzzzzzzz

[Beso]

2014

skinny jeans, plimsoll shoes, shuffling!!!, you all look ridiculous, why don't you just shuffle off the dancefloor with your ridiculous trend!

[Beso]

2011



My niece walks up to me with a big bag of maltesers and puts one on the table for me. Walks off looking at me like i owe her big time, iim scared.

[Beso]

2012.

'And here comes Spunky at the rear' lol I love horseracing :D

[Beso]

2014

Dr magnus pike,another seventies tv star with wandering hands.

[Beso]

2014.....


“Spud scans the twisting cables of Frank Begbie’s biceps and forearms, marvelling at their power in comparison to his own thin, milky arms”

[Beso]

you will all be so glad i didn't delete my facebook in 2012.

my facebook is ****e, gonna delete it so if you have anything to say then say it now.

[Beso]

I remember this night..


Fire alarm at the hotel... 2 secs after my alarm went off... I am now standing outside in my boxers with my hair like a mad woman's fanny.

[Beso]

I thought groves would have won, then i saw the bus and thought he,s still got a chance..but then,then the leigh griffiths haircut was unvailed and i knew,no chance. You just couldn,t stop punching that.

[Beso]

a night of cocks!

[Beso]

Balloons..never got the appeal...happy birthday,here is a rubber ball full of my stale breath.

[Beso]

Chilling out in the rose and crown trying to lug in on Irvine welsh's interview without looking conspicuous.

[Beso]

computer says buon re71 uce..or in other words,,the buttons are ****ed by fizzy juice.

[Beso]

If all it takes for that miley cyrus to be famous is gitting her minge out then half the women i know should be on the telly.

[Beso]

3 yrs ago..

Rik Mayall, can't believe it..rip

[Beso]

A 10 year old nigerian boy jonah Umbongo walks 5 miles a day to fetch water in the deadly heat of africa. Just £2 per day can help teach jonah to read and write so he can lead a better life...

WARNING.

Do not fall for this scam...The wanker then grows up, moves to Britain and walks 20 miles a day putting ****ing parking tickets on your cars!

[Beso]

Ladbrokes poker champ again, beating another 5175 poor sods in the process for about the fifth time.

[Beso]

playing poker and pooping it, 30k guaranteed tourny, currently sitting in 2nd with 134 peeps left

20 left in the poker tourney 9grand first prize, 300 quid guaranteed, sitting in 9th at the moment.



Bahhhh humbug..4th 1100 quid up, not bad for a free emtry.

[Beso]

2010. World cup in south africa.

That
constant droning noise during the football is starting to do my head
in......enough about Clive Tyldsley though.........c'mon the
Germany!!!!

[Beso]

Listening to some jazz.

[Beso]

Well they will let two men called ashley take a penalty..

[Beso]

Right, someone needs to clear this up.

Fleas. Now we all know they are found on cats and dogs.but they big buggers get called that as well.ah think the big yins are called fleas cause it does, and the wee yins should get a new name...and, we should call the big yins flews when they get splattered with the days paper.

[Beso]

I must be getting sentimental in my old age cause jessie j's duet with that wee lasssie just brought a tear trickling down my cheek.

[Beso]

2016

I'm thinking the england bus should stop off at calais and chuck 23 players off and chuck 23 refugees on instead, probably get less abuse on return.

[Beso]

2015


I found a hole in my trainer big enough to get a finger in.......unfortunately she's made a complaint and I've been banned from the gym!

[Beso]

'Move Like Jagger' sing Maroon 5.

Like that wrinkly auld bastard????

GIT TAE ****

[Beso]

Checking Facebook is kind of like checking your underwear after a fart. There's most likely nothing new and if there is, it's probably ****!

[Kazanne]

Checking Facebook is kind of like checking your underwear after a fart. There's most likely nothing new and if there is, it's probably ****!

:laugh::laugh: Love these

[Beso]

:laugh::laugh: Love these

:douf:

[Beso]

Work sleep, work sleep, work sleep, work 4 cans sleep, work 4 or five pints in 2 hours home slaver pish Sleep bet sleep sleep 8 pints sleep......or as some call it, a week!!

[Livia]

:laugh::laugh: Love these

Me too Kaz, always check out this thread... thanks Parmnion.

[Beso]

Cheers liv, kez.

2 today. One each.

I took the ex wife to a disco at the weekend. There was a guy on the dancefloor giving it large; breakdancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works. My ex wife turned to me and said, " See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
I said, "Looks like he's still ****ing celebrating!!"

[Beso]

My mate just asked what ringtone I have! I answered "Never really looked, but probably a light brown!"

[Beso]

Most are jokes, but there will be more personal stuff soon..warts n all..

[Beso]

People like me irritate me with these ones.....2012

Anyone having trouble banking with halifax today?

[Beso]

Friday already!! Stanford music festival tomorrow, supposed to be 30 degree. Better shove the copiuos amounts of bulmers black cherry(at £1.50 a pint bottle) cider in the freezer today so it's nice and chilled for tomorrow. Got the suncream, I might even get the tits out as well. why not eh!

[Beso]

Thks one is from today.

To all the people thinking of me today, thank you it helps and means a lot. However billy would have been 21 today so think of him, raise a glass and remember the fun times.

[Livia]

Thks one is from today.

To all the people thinking of me today, thank you it helps and means a lot. However billy would have been 21 today so think of him, raise a glass and remember the fun times.

I don't usually do emoticons, but... :hug:

[Beso]

Thanks liv..
I hope you can wish this happy couple all the best in thw furure.


Well done to Makma Clitsingh and Suckme Flapsdry on the first muslim gay marriage ..

[Beso]

Hot o clock.

[Beso]

Of to Edinburgh today at 11 for some festival festivities and maybe some afternoon drinks into early evening if anyone's around keep an eye out for me, the handsome chap in the Ben Sherman cardigan.

[Glenn.]

V cool and v interesting

[Beso]

women are pains in the arses, starting to doubt this one.

[Beso]

https://s19.postimg.org/ovrjvlrrn/image.jpg

bless ya! parmnion ...................that's life..................look at me...taking pic

of my watch to send to a friend is how exciting my life gets......................

Mark L

Not seen you about.....all ok?

[Beso]

If nhs nurses are pushed so hard and ran of their feet......how come so many of them are so fat nowadays?

[Beso]

Someone needs to phone that dopey bird dolly partin and tell her 9 and 5 does not make 11

[Beso]

My new hobby

Paper rolling...the paper must be purchased from a high street bookmaker then after it has matured for 1 to 3 hours using the £20 technique it should be perfectly plyable for rolling..the most common method is into a little ball so it can be shoved into the drinking opening of a beer can, others prefer the room launch which consists of a fast moving piece of paper followed by a loud **** you or an angry useless **** of a horse.

[Beso]

Just arrived in what is a sunny Kelso..did not bad considering I've just looked at my train ticket and its for the 7th of October!!

[Beso]

Do jehovas witnesses have knocking on heavens door as their funeral song?

[Beso]

All this rain must be God Pissing himself laughing with robin and rik.

[Beso]

Whats on my mind asks facebook....not much, its half 3 in the bloody morning.

[Nicky91]

are you talking to yourself :joker: :facepalm:

[Beso]

are you talking to yourself :joker: :facepalm:

Its the best way on here...you should know that.

[Beso]

I must lose interest in fb this time of year......2016




I hate it when you open a new can of cat food with a ring pull, just as it pops open a bit of cat food hits your hand...really gives me the heebyjeeby's.

[Beso]

A Glaswegian takes his girlfriend home for the first time, he says "This is Amanda." His dad jumps up and says "It's a ****ing what!!!"?

[Beso]

Thanks to all who came today, very very proud of how popular my dad was..he was the most hard working polite and giving man I've ever known.

[ebandit]

...whatever happened to ....the likely lads....

tudor crisps.................and parmie?????

Mark L

[Beso]

Im back...bovril flavour........
2012

Sitting on a train south.kids everywhere..slap slap..

[Beso]

2014.......i have no clue whatsoever!!!

will someone save me some posh horse**** on sunday please.

[Beso]

2016......

Finally moved into the 21st century today and gor myself a mobile phone...the number is.

[ebandit]

Im back...bovril flavour........
2012

.

parmie i was fond of tudor kipper crisps....don't think they lasted long

me mate reckons that tudor once produced rhubarb 'n custard crisps
(YUK!) ...i don't recall them and could not find info online

.....that made me recall the kiddies tv programme at that time...
rhubarb 'n custard

actually rhubarb is one of my least liked foods..................

Mark L

[Crimson Dynamo]

a canny bag of Tudor

[Beso]

parmie i was fond of tudor kipper crisps....don't think they lasted long

me mate reckons that tudor once produced rhubarb 'n custard crisps
(YUK!) ...i don't recall them and could not find info online

.....that made me recall the kiddies tv programme at that time...
rhubarb 'n custard

actually rhubarb is one of my least liked foods..................

Mark L

I used to eat ruhbarb raw. Dipped in sugar as a kid..danananananananana..dananananana.

I remember strawberry crisps..they did not get in the way of my love of the salt n viniger mini chip though....lethal little buggers.

Dont go mate..i have loads of memories to share still...like this one about horse racing.


7.15 dundalk.

will spunky come first?

[Beso]

Oh well.....end off thread...by everyone..i have enjoyed this forum but its not the place for me anymore...i will find my bb discussion fix elsewhere.

[Beso]

Just cant stay away....

classic twitter from boab

Boab Coyle @Boab_Coyle · 14h
Eftir scranning pie chips n peas I used tae enjoy depositing a fart intae Evelyn's coupon.

She didnae laugh but I ****in DID!

[Beso]

Facebook wizards. ..how do you get rid of all the boring bastardand updates that come up first on your feed...am missing out on some gems. Cause aw am seeing is either huffy bastards moaning about something or other or folk sharing other folks pish....ah don't want to see that stuff, ah want fun and genuine comments. No aw this pish frae blokes just pumping buttons cause the other half has some pish on the telly..

[Beso]

Just thought. ...if bouncers are failed coppers are bus drivers failed bouncers cause there's some right jobsworth twats down here...the fat man in control wouldn't let me on the bus cause he didn't have change of a twenty. ..if it wasn't for the looks of the tIired passengers and the threat of the polis ah would have argued with the bloated arsehole for ages and my lighter would still be intact and no bouncing down the road after his bus.

[Beso]

some of my friends statuses are very very rude!!

[Beso]

you have to laugh. vote yes because every other country did when given the chance....so basically to become independent and to gain your independence,you have to do what everyone else does...too radge

[Beso]

Got to laugh at the news, " hundreds of migrants are stranded in serbia"....should that not be hundreds of migrants are safe and well in serbia..lol..

[Beso]

Anyone else huddled round a cup of cofee at this time of the morning awaiting the urge to ****e?

[Beso]

Who is the arsehole american caddie trying to get on telly flapping his arms like a supposed bald eagle...what a fanny.

[Beso]

ok so im not a large in ben shermans world..shoes fit nicely though.thanks corals

[Beso]

Half way through the new irvine welsh book skagboys, funny,sick and depraved. luv it.

[Beso]

bb2 tonight 10pm crying with laughter...I'm in this film. I play a copper, look out for me at about the 50 min mark....

[Beso]

When will these Jimmy Saville allegations ever end?

Police are now saying Jeremy Beadle may have had a small hand in it!

[Beso]

all these "young folk" i have as friends can you stop having birthdays, cause the day one of you is 29 and the other ones 36. im sure they were celebrating 21sts a couple of years ago. anyway just cut it out ok, yer making me feel ancient!

[Beso]

booked a one way ticket to Syria today!

going to walk back and get a free house.

[Nicky91]

ur Facebook memories, do u love yourself that much :fan:

[Beso]

ur Facebook memories, do u love yourself that much :fan:

Got you sucked in

[Nicky91]

Got you sucked in

yep your vacuum cleaner is quite strong then :hehe:

[Beso]

This one isnt for the forum troll.....

An Englishman,Irishman and a Welshman walk into a bar, take their hats off and salute the scotsman.

[Beso]

Sticks and stones may break my bones...luckily this ugly fat **** doesnt live in maynmar.

[Nicky91]

Sticks and stones may break my bones...luckily this ugly fat **** doesnt live in maynmar.

haha :laugh:

[Beso]

Msg to durex.

Your ribbed condoms just taste of rubber, not ribs.

[Beso]

URGENT HELP NEEDED...does anyone know anything about retracting bids on EBAY ? I went on to buy a mickey mouse outfit for halloweeen and i'm 6 minutes away from buying Rangers fc.

[Beso]

wonders why Bungle walks around naked all day, yet wears PJ's for bed, and shorts to go swimming??? Borderline Perv I tell thee!

[Beso]

when did Halloween become so important!! its no even the day and theres a ten minute news special from America on bbc news..we,ll be calling it trick or treat next..im buying apples for the wee ****es this year, and they better sing or do something or they get nothing!

[Beso]

Just seen my dyslexic mate and I caught him using black shoe polish on his penis.

I text him earlier to remind him to put his clock back.

[Beso]

I recieved a nice phone call from windows head office today from a nice asian sounding bloke going by the name of Smith!
He kindly informed me my computer was about to crash. Well I had a nice 20 minute chat with him,(Of course I had so many questions) It ended up with him calling me a muddafutter, and me laughing down the phone at him and his poor effort in getting me to divulge my information.
I must remember to email Bill gates's personel department and inform them of their poor customer relations...

Ooooo....a stalker.

[Beso]

Cheeky little buggers round here! A young lad just knocked my door and said, "Trick or Treat?" I said, “it's not Halloween yet, and what have you come as?" He said, "A werewolf." I said, "but you haven't got a costume on, you're just in normal clothes." He said, "Well it's not a full moon yet is it dickhead."

[Beso]

The mrs wanted to play drs and nurses ...so i put her on a trolley and ignored her for 2 days ..

[Beso]

Just been told my girlfriends pregnant ...my mate said has anything changed ...I said my address and phone number and my hairstyle

[Kazanne]

The mrs wanted to play drs and nurses ...so i put her on a trolley and ignored her for 2 days ..

:joker::joker: Keep them coming parmy,lol

[Beso]

Just watch trump unite the world...mark my words...

[Beso]

You try and be nice by complementing someone on the effort they've made for Movember, and suddenly shes not your friend anymore?!? WTF??

[Beso]

i wonder if corbyn is happy with the arrest of the ex British soldier today for the events on bloody Sunday in 1972. not as happy as seeing his 2 pals Adams and miguiness sauntering about Scot free i assume!

[Beso]

Jeremy spunky sock guscott. Please shut up, you're a disgrace.

[Beso]

Hamilton off, hopefully he never ever comes back on ever again.

[Beso]

Tv licence! That's for your tv, right? Would it no be possible to make something that has all the gubbins a tv has but just call it a bob or something!

[Beso]

Toiletries.must remember toiletries.

[Beso]

Bracing myself for all the pathetic gushing at the new john lewis xmas advert.

[Beso]

Wow, Alice Cooper in the jungle.......oh wait, it's Fatima Whitbread.

[Beso]

What kind of eejit buys a book for their kindle when they already have it in paperback! What's that aw aboot?

[Nicky91]

Wow, Alice Cooper in the jungle.......oh wait, it's Fatima Whitbread.

yes i can see the resemblance between Alice and Fatima as well :laugh:

[Beso]

So you're sitting there in 1443 in the pitch black at night ...looking up at a huge full moon cause there's nothing on the candle in this wind..aw surprised at finding out the world is round...aye ok columbus...you proved us aw wrong, we thought it was flat after years of staring at that round thing up there.

[Beso]

The tape of the actual 911 call made by Michael Jacksons doctor has just been released. Dr Murray says, "I need help Michael's collapsed". Operator says, "Have you started CPR?". Dr Murray says, "no!". Operator says, "have you started a defibrillator?". Again the doctor says, "No!".

Operator says, "well you wanna be starting something, you got to be starting something!"

[Beso]

Wish I could drag a body out a boot and bury it in 6ft of earth then run home all in the space of 10 mins, oh and also do it all outside the busiest square in the eastend....Pile o pish so it is.

[Beso]

Mystery of the day: why does the woman who posts she's having something to eat at least 8 times a day, in every status, never post a picture?

[Livia]

The tape of the actual 911 call made by Michael Jacksons doctor has just been released. Dr Murray says, "I need help Michael's collapsed". Operator says, "Have you started CPR?". Dr Murray says, "no!". Operator says, "have you started a defibrillator?". Again the doctor says, "No!".

Operator says, "well you wanna be starting something, you got to be starting something!"

LOL... Still lovin' your work.

[Beso]

LOL... Still lovin' your work.

:wavey:
can't even be bothered to make a facebook status today!!

[Beso]

A teacher says to her class, "can anyone give me a sentence with the word dandelion in it".

A little Ugandan lad puts up his hand. "Yes Patrick" says the teacher...

A grinning Patrick says "Da cheetah is faster dandelion miss".

[Beso]

Difficult week at work this week, tracey from accounts reported a fellow work colleugue on monday for saying her hair smelled nice on three different days last week..i had to tell her there was nothing wrong with him saying that...unfortunatly the guy ****ed up a massive contract so i had to let him go on wednesday....im gonna miss midget mike, he was a good worker.

[Beso]

I dont like the term anal bleaching, i much prefer changing your ringtone

[Beso]

Quick tip...do not laugh at your girlfriend if she puts her hand in something gooey whilst changing her son's bed!

[Beso]

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says, "I did some homework."
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "Ok, Ok, I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
Son says, "Toy Story."
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching p*rn."
Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what p*rn was."
The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother.

Robot for sale.

[Nicky91]

:joker: :joker:

[Beso]

Facebook needs to create an AS IF button for friendship requests...DENY and IGNORE just aren't cutting it for me.

[Beso]

Hamish macalpine would have been one of the last names id have guessed to feature so prominantly in my dream last night..its no even movember.

[Beso]

i just lost my job as a lifeguard at my local swimming pool. apparently tapping the no bombing sign when a family of muslims walk past. isnt acceptable.

[Nicky91]

i just lost my job as a lifeguard at my local swimming pool. apparently tapping the no bombing sign when a family of muslims walk past. isnt acceptable.

:omgno: could you've been seen as racist and that the reason for losing your job

[Beso]

Andy Goram in today's sun claiming he does infact LIKE Craig Gordon! Well the last time I spoke to him in the white swan he spent twenty minutes slaggng him of before storming out in the cream puff cause I didn't buy his Man Utd argument..what a lying fat twat.

[Beso]

2018, year of the ****...am in.

[Beso]

the girlfriend wants to become a rastafarian ...and i have to do her hair ....im dreading it ..

[Livia]

LOL... and the standard is maintained for 2018.

[Beso]

Can only go one way now.

[Livia]

Can only go one way now.

True.


https://cdn.dribbble.com/users/623359/screenshots/3138869/new.gif

[Beso]

What's the difference between Tommy Sheridan and a throbbingly torn blood red arsehole?

Time. Just time.

[Beso]

I'm just like hugh Heffner.....except I havn't got his house, his birds or his money. I do however have a rather fetching robe.

[Beso]

I knew it was a bad idea agreeing to go onto Family Fortunes...

Vernon said, "We asked one hundred people to name something you mix into an alcoholic beverage?

You said, Rohypnol, our survey says, The police want a word."

[Livia]

I dont like the term anal bleaching, i much prefer changing your ringtone

I knew it was a bad idea agreeing to go onto Family Fortunes...

Vernon said, "We asked one hundred people to name something you mix into an alcoholic beverage?

You said, Rohypnol, our survey says, The police want a word."

Two new favourites.... I like to start my day on this thread.

[Beso]

Well..guess my relationship is over....."you are treating me like a slave" she said.




So i sold her.

[Beso]

Scotty Mitchell, what a jaunty stance at the oche

[Beso]

if life ever gets you down just remember you were the strongest and the most fastest sperm out of millions

[Beso]

Skinny Jeans aren't designed to "make" you look skinny... you have to be skinny to wear them.

[Beso]

My wife texted me......I've found out you've been ****ing another woman, you cheating bastard! I've taken my things and I'm going back to my sisters house......

I texted back.....Okay, see you when you get here.

[Beso]

just bought a pan off the local chinese guy ...think ave been ripped off it doesn"t fly at all

[Beso]

I wonder how many blokes were shuffling into the toilet yesterday penis in hand flicking to page 3 going "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THIS"

[Beso]

The early bird catches the worm...........or in this case, the ****ing bus!

[Beso]

Trump makes my day yet again..holding hands with May because he has bathmaphobia(a fear of slopes)..hope she washed them first or the germaphobe in him won't be happy..
Good old donald.

[Beso]

Well thats about a years worth done and bb has just finished so i think i will call it a day now and feck off for off season.....i am so glad people have enjoyed my ramblings...

So livia, rusti, chuff, kez, LT, TS, poppsy, bots..jaxie..rionablue..alf, luvjustin, good old pontyboi...jet..cherie...ammi...vicky..nancy..chee rs for making this a good year. I have enjoyed the lot of you and you lot make my life a bit happier.

So adious amigos...


Ps, to all the ann fans..see yas in the summer...to shane j fans....booooooo hisssss...see yas in the summer.



Pps...does twitter do memories?

[Beso]

Pps....and nicky and waterhog...sorry guys..love your posts..bye.

[Livia]

Parmnion! Noooooooooo! Where the hell are you going? Who signed your leave chit? THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!

[Beso]

To good not to.......

News from the middle east! 100,000 Egyptians have now officially entered Jordan. She says she is a bit sore but is glad to have achieved this milestone

[Beso]

Blip over
..folks.:thumbs:






You know why dont ya?:smug:


Cause i got my first valentines card today :dance:..and i think i know who its from.:fc:

[bots]

Blip over
..folks.:thumbs:






You know why dont ya?:smug:


Cause i got my first valentines card today :dance:..and i think i know who its from.:fc:

LT thought he had been discrete :hehe:

[Beso]

LT thought he had been discrete :hehe:

It wasnt from lt....it was from the chinese woman in the chippy...she signed it.......from.....:hehe:




You know who:joker:

[Beso]

Peacocks....

Freak me out, walking past an unfurled one is like walking past an unattended pitbull.

[Beso]

All these "as one" photos make me laugh...should be "as yin" or "as wan" i snigger at the use of perfect english.

[Ammi]

Well thats about a years worth done and bb has just finished so i think i will call it a day now and feck off for off season.....i am so glad people have enjoyed my ramblings...

So livia, rusti, chuff, kez, LT, TS, poppsy, bots..jaxie..rionablue..alf, luvjustin, good old pontyboi...jet..cherie...ammi...vicky..nancy..chee rs for making this a good year. I have enjoyed the lot of you and you lot make my life a bit happier.

So adious amigos...


Ps, to all the ann fans..see yas in the summer...to shane j fans....booooooo hisssss...see yas in the summer.



Pps...does twitter do memories?



...booooo, hisssss right back at you, Parmy...I think you make it all a bit happier for many formers as well, Parmy ....so I hope this isn’t goodbye for the off season and you’re staying around...we need to booo and hiss you even in off season..:laugh:...




...Parmy..:love:..

[Beso]

I cant leave...i tried.

[Ammi]

I cant leave...i tried.

..the forum has spoken to Livia...once she has you under her spell and in her sights, there is no ever leaving or breaking that spell...Lord we’ve all tried in our time here but she’s a Jew/..a chosen one, so has special powers and abilities we could never dream of or understand.../..true story, Parmy..

[Livia]

I cant leave...i tried.

...And the world returns to some kind of normality.

..the forum has spoken to Livia...once she has you under her spell and in her sights, there is no ever leaving or breaking that spell...Lord we’ve all tried in our time here but she’s a Jew/..a chosen one, so has special powers and abilities we could never dream of or understand.../..true story, Parmy..

Sadly, the only Jewish superpower I have is that I can balance a spreadsheet.

[Beso]

Thanks girlies........one for you both....


The wife asked me to get something for the pancakes ...shoulda seen her face when a came back with a padded bra ...

[Ammi]

...I’m starting to get the thought, Parmy...that these may not actually be past Facebook memory entries at all...:laugh:..

[Beso]

...I’m starting to get the thought, Parmy...that these may not actually be past Facebook memory entries at all...:laugh:..




Happy valentines day.

Just had a great table for two with the girlfriend...she didn't enjoy spotting the colours as much as I did potting them though.

[Beso]

I will stick with my observations rather than jokes.......





Library books!

Do you lick your fingers to help turn the page easier? Cause I've just seen a fat sweaty old man howk his arse before turning a page in a book in the library!

[Beso]

So bored of all this independence ****..the borders will be treated by the powers that be,if and when they get in,like London treats Scotland just now...second best to the cities,unless your some whinging farmer looking for a hand out.

[Ammi]

Happy valentines day.

Just had a great table for two with the girlfriend...she didn't enjoy spotting the colours as much as I did potting them though.

I will stick with my observations rather than jokes.......





Library books!

Do you lick your fingers to help turn the page easier? Cause I've just seen a fat sweaty old man howk his arse before turning a page in a book in the library!

...ahh no, I was just teasing about the jokes, Parmy...you carry on with those as well, this is a good thread...and a belated Happy Valentine’s Day back to you...:love:...sorry I only saw that a day late...

[Beso]

Whats it all about eh...trundling into work on a packed bus pishing wet outside..

[Beso]

Not my proudest fb moment, but i did make this joke myself.....


Manchester United wiped the floor with Ajax tonight......As they have done every day since Darren Fletcher's bowel condition was diagnosed.

[Ammi]

...eeek, is Darren Fletcher ok, I hope he is...

[Beso]

...eeek, is Darren Fletcher ok, I hope he is...


https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ulcerative_colitis


Yes, he plays for stoke now.

[Beso]

Todays post.....


How cold was it at work today stuart, she asked...






how cauld!!..HOW ****ING CAULD!!!......cauld enough tae make mi piss masel... was that numb ah thought ah was done..It did feel gid though, the warm glow of urine seeping down the leg.

[Beso]

Today.


84 percent of my friends list....
Some made me go ohhhh or ahhhhh...or ehhhhhh....but to each and everyone of you, thank you. The 16 percent who didnt wish me a happy birthday...well..
You are as lazy and slothery(if thats a word) as myself when it comes to birthdays.

[Beso]

My old dad used to say " always, always be up front with everyone!"

Great man, **** goalkeeper!

[Beso]

Paddy is cleaning his rifle and accidentally shoots his wife. He quickly dials for an ambulance. "It's my wife, I've accidentally shot her - I ... I think I've killed her"
"Calm down sir" replies the operator. "Can you first make sure she really is dead?"
*BANG*
"Okay, done that, now what?"

[Beso]

A drunk walks out of a bar with a car key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches "Can I help you sir?"

"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr" the man replies.

The cop asks "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"

"It wasss on the end of thisshh key" the man replies, holding up his key.

About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's cock is hanging out of his fly for all the world to see. He asks the man "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and, without missing a beat, blurts out.......... " For ****sake - My girlfriend's gone, too!!!!!"

[Beso]

Convince your neighbours youre a politician by knocking on thier doors once every 4 or 5 years then totally ignoring them

[Nicky91]

Convince your neighbours youre a politician by knocking on thier doors once every 4 or 5 years then totally ignoring them

:joker: :joker: :joker:

[Nicky91]

such a great thread this is :love: :love:

[Beso]

think i,ll shove the shorts and tshirt on today.


5yrs ago.

[Beso]

Xmas is coming the goose is getting fat please put a penny in the old man's hat, if you havnt got a penny a ha'peny will do if you haven't got a ha'peny, God bless you...

[Beso]

Have a great night with granny jamela stu pot. Make sure she gets back to the hotel....I hope you have your kelso rugby shirt on ��

[Beso]

Jesus christ, how the **** did we manage to drink outside in the streets when we were teenagers in this weather..ah can't handle 5 minutes walking the pub now.

[Beso]

Ive forgot to take the leftover sweeties to work...doubt i will see them again.

[Beso]

To everyone on Facebook, if you get a friend request from me it's NOT a scam.

Ah just want to gape at your photos then delete you.

[Beso]

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman,
'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?'

The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.

The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.

The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.

The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.

The next night, the pub is packed.

In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'

The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie, and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.

The next night there is standing room only in the pub.

Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending.

The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year

In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'

The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties.'

The rabbit looks aghast.

The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says,
'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.

The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it.'

The crowd's bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.

The barman, with a roguish smile says, 'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you'll love it.'

'Ok,' says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.'

The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie.

He then waves to the crowd and leaves....

NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!

One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time.

When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar.

The barman says, 'Who are you?

To which he is answered,
'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.'

The barman says, 'I remember you. You made me famous.

You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'

The rabbit says, 'Yes I know.'

The barman said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.'

The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it.'

The barman said, 'You never came back, what happened?'

'I DIED', said the rabbit.

'NO!' said the barman. 'What from?'

After a short pause, the rabbit said ...

'Mixin-me-toasties

V

[Beso]

Share all you want, you're winning **** all.