When did you first feel like an adult?

[reecejackox]

So I saw in the daily mirror yesterday 50 signs you are an adult so just wondering when was the first time you felt like an adult

I would say when I got my first job and first pay packet.

[Niamh.]

Not till I was pregnant with my daughter really, I was 21 then

[Livia]

I'll let you all know when it happens.

[user104658]

I left home when I was 19, I had a child and was in full time employment at 24, I had two children at 27.

Honestly? I'd say I started to feel "on par with other adults" (meaning, I look at adults and think of them as the same as me... not "the grown ups" :joker: ) when I was about... err... 29 maybe? I'm 32 now :laugh:

But here's the caveat: It's not that I feel any different... not really... that's just when it suddenly dawned on me that EVERYONE is just muddling through and sort of winging it whether they're 18 and starting University, or 61 and attempting to run the country. It's a strange realisation, in equal parts comforting and terrifying.

[Niamh.]

I left home when I was 19, I had a child and was in full time employment at 24, I had two children at 27.

Honestly? I'd say I started to feel "on par with other adults" (meaning, I look at adults and think of them as the same as me... not "the grown ups" :joker: ) when I was about... err... 29 maybe? I'm 32 now :laugh:

But here's the caveat: It's not that I feel any different... not really... that's just when it suddenly dawned on me that EVERYONE is just muddling through and sort of winging it whether they're 18 and starting University, or 61 and attempting to run the country. It's a strange realisation, in equal parts comforting and terrifying.

That's so true :laugh:

The only reason i felt like an adult when I was pregnant was the crushing realistion that I now had another human being relying on me for everything

[user104658]

The only reason i felt like an adult when I was pregnant was the crushing realistion that I now had another human being relying on me for everything

Yeah; that moment when you get handed a newborn in the hospital and realise that you're just going to... take it home and look after it... :joker:. Like "Hold on, shouldn't someone be making sure I'm doing this right??"

[Niamh.]

Yeah; that moment when you get handed a newborn in the hospital and realise that you're just going to... take it home and look after it... :joker:. Like "Hold on, shouldn't someone be making sure I'm doing this right??"

yeah :laugh: Up till then my attitude was "**** it, what's the worst that can happen" then suddenly the answer is "YOU COULD KILL SOMEONE" :worry:

[Livia]

Babies are easy. You just refer to the manual. Right?

[Vicky.]

I left home at 16, I thought I felt adult then.

I got my first real job soon after. Which again I thought made me feel adult.

I moved abroad, alone when I was 18. Again, felt like an adult

But really, the only thing that has actually made me feel like an adult was having children.

But oddly, I still don't feel like I imagine an adult should feel in most areas of life tbh, if that makes sense? I like I feel like a 20 year old trapped in a 30 year olds body. My 'self' is still exactly the same as it was back then, just I know how to behave more like an adult now, so fake it :laugh:

[Niamh.]

I left home at 16, I thought I felt adult then.

I got my first real job soon after. Which again I thought made me feel adult.

I moved abroad, alone when I was 18. Again, felt like an adult

But really, the only thing that has actually made me feel like an adult was having children.

But oddly, I still don't feel like I imagine an adult should feel in most areas of life tbh, if that makes sense? I like I feel like a 20 year old trapped in a 30 year olds body. My 'self' is still exactly the same as it was back then, just I know how to behave more like an adult now, so fake it :laugh:

I'm pretty sure everyone feels like this :laugh:

[jaxie]

My dad had a lot of health problems and became quite dramatically disabled when I was a young adult and my mum was an alcoholic so I had to be a grown up pretty fast. 16 for me.

[Niamh.]

My dad had a lot of health problems and became quite dramatically disabled when I was a young adult and my mum was an alcoholic so I had to be a grown up pretty fast. 16 for me.

aww :hug:

[waterhog]

jaxie you have had it hard.

the cards we are dealt - makes the person we are -

[user104658]

My dad had a lot of health problems and became quite dramatically disabled when I was a young adult and my mum was an alcoholic so I had to be a grown up pretty fast. 16 for me.

Do you not think there's a big difference between self-sufficiency and actually feeling like an adult though? I mean, my situation is sort of similar, my mum was more or less useless from the point at which my gran died (I was 8) and and a full blown alcoholic by the time I was 14, plus my dad tbqfh has always been pretty emotionally absent... I was taking care of my own clothes / cooking my own meals / setting my own agenda by 11 or 12, and I was a totally self sufficient teenager (came and went as I pleased, no questions, could stay out at friends houses without asking, etc etc). No one was particularly concerned with how I was doing at school (which thankfully was very well) and there was certainly no encouragement really...

So yeah, in "practical terms" I was totally self sufficient relatively young, and I think at the time I thought I was very grown up emotionally, but in retrospect I was just a kid doing what was necessary :shrug:.

[Marches]

I still don’t feel like an adult and I’m 19

[jaxie]

Do you not think there's a big difference between self-sufficiency and actually feeling like an adult though? I mean, my situation is sort of similar, my mum was more or less useless from the point at which my gran died (I was 8) and and a full blown alcoholic by the time I was 14, plus my dad tbqfh has always been pretty emotionally absent... I was taking care of my own clothes / cooking my own meals / setting my own agenda by 11 or 12, and I was a totally self sufficient teenager (came and went as I pleased, no questions, could stay out at friends houses without asking, etc etc). No one was particularly concerned with how I was doing at school (which thankfully was very well) and there was certainly no encouragement really...

So yeah, in "practical terms" I was totally self sufficient relatively young, and I think at the time I thought I was very grown up emotionally, but in retrospect I was just a kid doing what was necessary :shrug:.

Maybe? There is a part of us that no matter how old you get always feels the same as when you are a young adult. Like you are still that person. But I don't feel like I had time really to carry on being a kid. :shrug:

[MTVN]

I still dont. I'm 24 now but still feel the same as when I was 18 really, although I am a massive manchild

[jaxie]

jaxie you have had it hard.

the cards we are dealt - makes the person we are -

Wise words Hog.

[bots]

I'm going to go for a different angle. I'm going to say at the first death of a family member. Nothing makes you grow up faster than that I think, and bring into focus what is and whats not important in life .... which is really what being an adult really is.

[user104658]

Maybe? There is a part of us that no matter how old you get always feels the same as when you are a young adult. Like you are still that person. But I don't feel like I had time really to carry on being a kid. :shrug:

I guess that's what I mean though; there's a big difference between having to be self sufficient (and even care for others) and be essentially living an "adult life" ... and actually having the emotional maturity / security of adulthood. Basically I think most kids who have to "grow up too fast" don't really grow up, we emulate adulthood, and it's almost certainly unhealthy long term.

But yes I do agree with the first part in general: like I said before, I think a huge part of that "feeling like an adult" is the realisation that "adults" don't necessarily feel how we imagined.

[jaxie]

I'm going to go for a different angle. I'm going to say at the first death of a family member. Nothing makes you grow up faster than that I think, and bring into focus what is and whats not important in life .... which is really what being an adult really is.

Or the death of a friend. Someone I grew up with died at 16 and that is very sobering too. In fact that year sucked! :laugh:

It's funny how misery does love company, these things always come in multiples. Like the year my dad died, my 29 year old best friend died too. 3 months apart.

[jaxie]

I guess that's what I mean though; there's a big difference between having to be self sufficient (and even care for others) and be essentially living an "adult life" ... and actually having the emotional maturity / security of adulthood. Basically I think most kids who have to "grow up too fast" don't really grow up, we emulate adulthood, and it's almost certainly unhealthy long term.

But yes I do agree with the first part in general: like I said before, I think a huge part of that "feeling like an adult" is the realisation that "adults" don't necessarily feel how we imagined.

Well I would say I was living the life of an adult at 16 and does everyone at any age really have total maturity/security of adulthood? I know I can have my childish moments or times I feel insecure and I think I'm a pretty grown up, grown up.

[MTVN]

This forum is very deep today :think:

[GoldHeart]

For a while really :shrug: .

[Smithy]

When I had to do my first tax return

[AnnieK]

When I was 22 and got my first mortgage. I woke up on completion day and thought, **** I am in a world of debt.

[user104658]

When I was 22 and got my first mortgage. I woke up on completion day and thought, **** I am in a world of debt.

I have that without the mortgage :joker:. ... ...... .. ...... .. ... :bawling:

[Alf]

This forum is very deep today :think:I'll soon put a stop to that.

[smudgie]

I left home at 16, I thought I felt adult then.

I got my first real job soon after. Which again I thought made me feel adult.

I moved abroad, alone when I was 18. Again, felt like an adult

But really, the only thing that has actually made me feel like an adult was having children.

But oddly, I still don't feel like I imagine an adult should feel in most areas of life tbh, if that makes sense? I like I feel like a 20 year old trapped in a 30 year olds body. My 'self' is still exactly the same as it was back then, just I know how to behave more like an adult now, so fake it :laugh:

Pretty much this apart from moving abroad on my own, and the age difference of course.:blush:

[Jordan.]

I don't :worry: maybe when I move out from home.

[Jessica.]

When I moved to Portugal and moved in with my boyfriend. I still don't feel like a proper adult, but that's the closest anyway. :joker:

[user104658]

You just need to look at this forum for proof really.

We have a whole age range from teenagers right up to pensioners... and nary a "grown up" in sight :joker:.

[Northern Monkey]

Every time i got a new responsibility i felt like i was all grown up.Now i have the ultimate responsibility i think i feel more grownup than ever.
Still an immature twat sometimes though :laugh:

[user104658]

Every time i got a new responsibility i felt like i was all grown up.Now i have the ultimate responsibility i think i feel more grownup than ever.

Nuclear launch codes? :worry:

[Northern Monkey]

Nuclear launch codes? :worry:

No,Pet rabbit

[Withano]

Boobies

[Maru]

I think I felt like adult at a young age, but I couldn't say when that because it happened without my acknowledgement.

Probably whenever I realized my single mother was actually a child (mentally) and was too emotionally unstable to be fully cognizant of what was going around her, much less a functioning parent. That put the responsibility of my future on my own shoulders, since I had no where else to put it. I was her caretaker and also her only real "friend" ... and it became pretty obvious when my grandmother and uncle stayed out regularly to be a caretaker for someone else (mostly due to money). I was really the only one who didn't have mental/emotional disabilities who wasn't also physically impaired (all 3 had movement disorders). One didn't have a voice (literally) which was associated with a different form of the movement disorder that also affects the vocal cords. He was a total hermit in every sense of the word and very afraid to be seen even stepping outside by normal people. Even in his much older age, he is much the same. So I felt like I was really the only one he could "talk" to amidst the chaos and he was already an adult. My mother was prone to tantrums due to her oversensitive (and undiagnosed bipolar) nature and my grandfather who was a schizophrenic assumed my mother was out to get him. And my mother was prone to paranoia as well and both would hide behind the sides of doorways and listen in on other people's conversations... while my grandfather sometimes would change his own meds without telling anyone, and he would start to hallucinate and claimed that my grandmother and uncle were out to kill him. He used to sometimes take off to God's know where and we had to look for him. One time he ran out into the neighborhood and walked into a halfway house and got into bed... and then told the residents he was checking in. :facepalm:

So yeah, I have no clue when my milestones were because there so many that could be deemed "you're an adult" milestones. I have a problem deciding which thing had the most influence on me, because there were so many things :laugh: and it was probably my grandmother's influence, the influence of her sisters, and aunt and all being very strong female role models model that kept me in check and gave me my worldview of if it don't kill you....

As for when I settled down (which for some, this is the period they would say they may feel more like a traditional adult?), I moved out at 19 half-way across country and have been with my husband since until we moved back. I would say it began there as my husband and I were already really close partially due to us both sharing war stories--his other people's literal stories and then my own. When my life finally slowed down was when we finally got married when I was about 26, which was a few days after I graduated college. We moved back to Houston, I started to care-take for my other grandmother (who has a wonderful spirit and a joy to be around), but then my husband I started to look for a house while my he was getting settled in law-enforcement.

When you start paying for a home and income taxes, and having to worry about schools and where your children will grow up, you start to feel like a "shareholder" of society. You start to feel "grown up". Especially in your local community and when you read daily news, you feel like what you have now have an obligation to participate in the local politics... if you're still moving around in your early 20's state to state or just not yet out of college and settled/established as a human being, you're not going to feel it's worth your time worrying about what is going on around you.. we tend to care more about what's going on on inside in those terms rather than the outside. But when you become a family or when you become really attached to a geographical location, that does tend to change your focus from you to your external environment (I think)...

[Babayaro.]

I'm 20 and do not feel like an adult yet

[Maru]

Maybe? There is a part of us that no matter how old you get always feels the same as when you are a young adult. Like you are still that person. But I don't feel like I had time really to carry on being a kid. :shrug:

That's actually an excellent way to describe it, jaxie

[Ammi]

...being an adult is being fully grown and fully developed and I’m not sure I’ve ever felt that in many ways...I guess though, my body became fully grown and fully developed, somewhere in my later teen years..and the law was telling me I could do adult things, I could vote, I could drink alcohol or smoke a cigarette if I wanted to, it’s all legal now, was what I was being told...but I don’t think I felt any different...I stopped being a dependant when I didn’t live with my parents anymore and then eventually had my own little dependants...I don’t think my independence from my parents made me feel I had finally become an adult though ...because I was always asking my parents stuff...mum, how do you cook this or what would you do, this is a bit tricky this situation...how can I do this and that, type of thing....then I had my own dependents, my own children...and that didn’t make me feel adult either, it just made me quite terrified and clueless...if I hadn’t had my mum in those early days of parenthood, who was the real adult...I’m not sure my children would have survived, well my first child anyway...I just screamed help and my mum was there to save my first born from my cluelessness....


....anyways, every stage and every phase I’ve gone through, has just been different in that they’ve become ‘firsts’...so, many aspects have often left me feeling a bit lost and not very adult at all...I have adult children now and being the parent of adult children is different from being the parenting of dependant children...so each day I’m always always learning to try to become an adult with that..:laugh:...that stepping back to respect their adulthood, while trying to know when they need you to become ‘the adult’ to them again, now and again...and then there are so many other things in life, like illnesses and huge things to overcome, when an adult can become a child again and so desperately need their parents or those around them to take more of an ‘adult role’ for them...I don’t ever want to become ‘an adult’ by definition because I don’t want to become ‘fully’ anything, I want to discover and learn and I want to continue experiencing all of those unknown ‘firsts’, if I’m able to...I’ll become an adult when I die, I guess...that’s something I’ll have to go through and experience completely on my own, so that will probably make me a proper adult and all grown up...

[joeysteele]

I'm going to go for a different angle. I'm going to say at the first death of a family member. Nothing makes you grow up faster than that I think, and bring into focus what is and whats not important in life .... which is really what being an adult really is.

I'd agree with that.

The personal accounts of some members on this thread are really sad and inspiring too.
Such as jaxie and TS.

Your statement is also perhaps relevant to myself too.
When particularly my Grandmother, my Mum's Mother died.
That gave me an awakening across the board,as you say,what and who is really important,priority changes.
I stepped up to support my Mum, since Grandma died on my Mum's birthday too.

I'm not sure I'm always an adult as to behaviour in life completely,I can be really childish in some ways but the loss of my Grandmother,was a point where I'd say a wake up call as to life came my way.

It changed so much after her loss due to her being a massive guide and influence in my life to that point.

[Crimson Dynamo]

moving into my first flat 500 miles from home at 21

[Ashley.]

You just need to look at this forum for proof really.

We have a whole age range from teenagers right up to pensioners... and nary a "grown up" in sight :joker:.

Speak for yourself.