Is it acceptable to describe some one as "the fat one"?

[Crimson Dynamo]

http://www.mainemedicareoptions.com/sites/default/files/images/tumblr_nqdqsuv4hN1qgjvrso2_500.png

2 work collegues discussing some new workers at work. "can you get someone to cover for mandy on the front desk?" says Tom. "Yes" says Marc "there is one of the new ones that has that very experience" "Oh?" says Tom "which one?"

Now Marc has not got the names to hand but he has met them as has Tom, briefly

"the em, the fat lady" says Marc

"aaah" right says Tom I will go and ask her

Now as Jesy is the only fat lady (she is 18 stone and 5 foot 6") Marc was efficient in going for the most recognisable aspect for Tom and indeed Jesy is a fat lady due to lifestyle choices.


But is that acceptable if not why?

[Niamh.]

I don't think it's acceptable, especially in a professional situation like that to comment on a persons weight no.

[Morgan.]

Only if
a) you have a good relationship with the person and
b) if they refer themself to it first, e.g. if they say 'oh yeah I'm the fat one' then I would understand they take it as a joke and not personally.

Never about someone you don't know though.

[thesheriff443]

It's not acceptable, larger lady is still not great but acceptable.

Lt is a c xnt is not acceptable
Lt is a twat is acceptable

[Crimson Dynamo]

please give your reason - if you dont think it is then say why

[Niamh.]

please give your reason - if you dont think it is then say why

Because commenting on a persons physical appearance (especially something that could come across as negative or insulting) is really unprofessional and rude.

[Cherie]

I guess if they are new and they don't know the names it's acceptable in that sense, and it is not being said in a malicious way, in a work environment I have heard people referred to as little Sue or skinny Sue if there is more than one person of the same name, the problem would be if they continued to refer to her in that way once they know her name

[MTVN]

I would probably be very tactful and say 'the bigger one' instead

[Crimson Dynamo]

People would have no qualms saying the ginger one or the blonde?

or the gay guy?

[Niamh.]

People would have no qualms saying the ginger one or the blonde?

or the gay guy?

hair colour is different though, it's not negative or rude. Like saying the one with the massive tits would be a no no as well :laugh:

I think saying the gay guy wouldn't be acceptable either tbh

[Cherie]

I would probably be very tactful and say 'the bigger one' instead

Is that any better :laugh:

[Oliver_W]

Sure it's acceptable. If Tom needs to know which one to speak to, gotta be specific!

If she didn't want to be called fat, she should eat less.

[MTVN]

Is that any better :laugh:

Yes because saying someone is 'bigger' does not necessarily mean that they are fat

[Niamh.]

Sure it's acceptable. If Tom needs to know which one to speak to, gotta be specific!

If she didn't want to be called fat, she should eat less.

Charming

[RileyH]

Oop I do this sometimes

[Morgan.]

Sure it's acceptable. If Tom needs to know which one to speak to, gotta be specific!

If she didn't want to be called fat, she should eat less.

Aren't you the spitting image of Katie Hopkins ...

[bots]

its a method of identification although not polite. I mean where do you draw the line, the person with spots, the person that wears green shoes, the girl with glasses .... Its acceptable, but not polite. One would be better describing who they are by location

[Brillopad]

Difficult one but given obesity is a massive problem these days, affecting children as well as adults, and leading to lifelong health problems - causing massive problems for our health service we need to stop pussy-footing around it and call a spade a spade.

People need to be more aware - it is easy to bury the reality and pretend it isn’t so - and perhaps people need constant reminding that it is so - especially as most weight problems are self-inflicted and a completely preventable condition.

[Niamh.]

Difficult one but given obesity is a massive problem these days, affecting children as well as adults, and leading to lifelong health problems - causing massive problems for our health service we need to stop pussy-footing around it and call a spade a spade.

People need to be more aware - it is easy to bury the reality and pretend it isn’t so - and perhaps people need constant reminding that it is so - especially as most weight problems are self-inflicted and a completely preventable condition.

I agree with that, obesity is certainly a serious issue in todays society but being rude or ridiculing people isn't the way to address or solve it imo. I'm of the opinion that the vast majority of over weight people don't feel good about being over weight as it is, shaming them is only going to make it worse imo especially as alot of times over eating is an emotional thing, feel bad, eat more etc.

[Cherie]

I agree with that, obesity is certainly a serious issue in todays society but being rude or ridiculing people isn't the way to address or solve it imo. I'm of the opinion that the vast majority of over weight people don't feel good about being over weight as it is, shaming them is only going to make it worse imo especially as alot of times over eating is an emotional thing, feel bad, eat more etc.

Well said

[Brillopad]

I agree with that, obesity is certainly a serious issue in todays society but being rude or ridiculing people isn't the way to address or solve it imo. I'm of the opinion that the vast majority of over weight people don't feel good about being over weight as it is, shaming them is only going to make it worse imo especially as alot of times over eating is an emotional thing, feel bad, eat more etc.

I do agree with that on the whole and am not necessarily saying we need to be offensively rude to people for the sake of being rude but I do think treating the subject by ignoring it for fear of causing offence has a negative affect.

I think now is an easier time than ever to address the issue with more and more people using gyms these days - people of all ages and shapes and sizes. It is far less humiliating these days and people are more likely to admire people for making the effort rather than sitting at home, feeling sorry for themselves and simply fuelling the problem.

[Niamh.]

I do agree with that on the whole and am not necessarily saying we need to be offensively rude to people for the sake of being rude but I do think treating the subject by ignoring it for fear of causing offence has a negative affect.

I think now is an easier time than ever to address the issue with more and more people using gyms these days - people of all ages and shapes and sixes. It is far less humiliating these days and people are more likely to admire people for making the effort rather sitting at home and simply fuelling the problem.

I don't think it's ignored, I mean look at all the ads on TV for slimming world and weight watchers etc, you go on FB and there's always people advertising as personal trainers and people showing before and after pictures etc. That's all positive and encouraging and will get more people motivated. Calling someone the fat one isn't exactly going to inspire them to get on the training gear and go for a run, it's more likely to make them feel like s**t and make them want to hide away

[Cal.]

It’s just easier to identify someone in a conversation by saying ‘the fat one’ ‘the gay one’ ‘the black one’ like I would never say it to the person but I think it’s harmless.

[Cherie]

Mental health issues play a big part in over eating as well, and these cannot be addressed by going to the gym, its difficult to get the right help as well as without sounding mean we seem to be at a point where people need professional help for everything and everyone has a label so services are overstretched diagnosing everyone and given them a label

[caprimint]

I agree with that, obesity is certainly a serious issue in todays society but being rude or ridiculing people isn't the way to address or solve it imo. I'm of the opinion that the vast majority of over weight people don't feel good about being over weight as it is, shaming them is only going to make it worse imo especially as alot of times over eating is an emotional thing, feel bad, eat more etc.
It can go either way I think... Maybe some people genuinely don't care and will continue to live the lifestyle of eating all day long, but with some it might really spark something in their mind to actually do something about it. Hearing it from someone else is very different from knowing it in your own mind.

[Niamh.]

It can go either way I think... Maybe some people genuinely don't care and will continue to live the lifestyle of eating all day long, but with some it might really spark something in their mind to actually do something about it. Hearing it from someone else is very different from knowing it in your own mind.

I disagree with that, a person who is over weight knows that other people see that too, being reminded of it is just nasty

[Cherie]

It can go either way I think... Maybe some people genuinely don't care and will continue to live the lifestyle of eating all day long, but with some it might really spark something in their mind to actually do something about it. Hearing it from someone else is very different from knowing it in your own mind.

So you feel its okay to pass comment on someone else's life who you know nothing about because they are not the size you would like them to be?

[Alf]

Fat shaming is the best treatment for obesity.

[Kazanne]

Well if there were say, a couple of people one black one white wearing a uniform ,with the same name,in that same scenario how would you deal with that one? lol,sometimes I think you have to say it like it is but people don't like to be called fat,so I think using a less offensive word would be better,but if someone is fat,they are fat,no getting around it and most times by their own doing.I would probably say the bigger one.

[Underscore]

No because it's rude and you should have manners

[Brillopad]

I don't think it's ignored, I mean look at all the ads on TV for slimming world and weight watchers etc, you go on FB and there's always people advertising as personal trainers and people showing before and after pictures etc. That's all positive and encouraging and will get more people motivated. Calling someone the fat one isn't exactly going to inspire them to get on the training gear and go for a run, it's more likely to make them feel like s**t and make them want to hide away

Thing is there is a name for that - wallowing - and nothing positive ever comes from it.

As I am getting older and not always eating the healthiest as knackered when I get home from work - it is easy to opt for convenient foods with a resulting weight gain. I used to worry I was too thin - seems silly now. Anyway now I am back from my holiday I plan to go to the gym, something I would never have previously considered, as it is now so accesible for all these days and I have no reservations about it. I am less concerned about what anyone else may think and more focused on my health and having more energy. People need to stop wallowing in my opinion as it achieves nothing and only holds people back.

Don’t get me wrong - I am not advocating being openly rude to people but people need to get over themselves and think bigger.

[Cherie]

Thing is there is a name for that - wallowing - and nothing positive ever comes from it.

As I am getting older and not always eating the healthiest as knackered when I get home from work - it is easy to opt for convenient foods with a resulting weight gain. I used to worry I was too thin - seems silly now. Anyway now I am back from my holiday I plan to go to the gym, something I would never have previously considered, as it is now so accesible for all these days and I have no reservations about it. I am less concerned about what anyone else may think and more focused on my health and having more energy. People need to stop wallowing in my opinion as it achieves nothing and only holds people back.

Don’t get me wrong - I am not advocating being openly rude to people but people need to get over themselves and think bigger.

Each individuals lifestyle is their own choice though, some people are happy in their own skin and if they are not seriously obese to the point where they are at risk of death whose business is it, anymore than people who drink too much or smoke too much, it smacks of nanny state and interfering in peoples life's, what right does someone in a workplace have to tell someone else how to live their lives, I really don't get it.

[smudgie]

The lady in the red top would suffice.

[Crimson Dynamo]

The lady in the red top would suffice.

they cant see them at the mo and dont know what the fat lady is wearing

[user104658]

It's not acceptable for obvious reasons. On the other hand, if it's being used as an identifier in a private conversation between two people out of earshot of anyone else, then I don't think it particularly matters.

E.g. I have two young new-starts at the moment. Also in my shop there are two women, one is 62 the other just turned 40. If I was working with one of the young guys and he did something incorrectly and said that one of them told him to do it that way, and he couldn't remember their names and said "The older one"... I wouldn't think that was a problem.

... If the next day he then started referring to her as "the old one" to her face, that WOULD be a problem.

[Crimson Dynamo]

Most people are fat because of their parents and their lifestyle

show me a fat kid at school and 99/100 their parents are fat too would be my estimate

[Brillopad]

Each individuals lifestyle is their own choice though, some people are happy in their own skin and if they are not seriously obese to the point where they are at risk of death whose business is it, anymore than people who drink too much or smoke too much, it smacks of nanny state and interfering in peoples life's, what right does someone in a workplace have to tell someone else how to live their lives, I really don't get it.

No right to interfere and no right to ridicule. Personally I was speaking more from a health point of view for some and people not getting too bogged down with what others think which can be an easy thing to do. At the end of the day people need to do what’s right for them.

[caprimint]

I disagree with that, a person who is over weight knows that other people see that too, being reminded of it is just nasty
But my point is that they don't actually hear it so maybe they just try not to think about it too much or something. :shrug:

So you feel its okay to pass comment on someone else's life who you know nothing about because they are not the size you would like them to be?
I don't personally care what size anyone is. :shrug: It's simply a way of describing someone. Nobody has a problem with 'the skinny one' when that can be just as much of an offensive term as well.

[JerseyWins]

It’s just easier to identify someone in a conversation by saying ‘the fat one’ ‘the gay one’ ‘the black one’ like I would never say it to the person but I think it’s harmless.
This

I think it should still be avoided but if you don't know someone's name and really need a way to explain who you're talking about in that moment, I don't think it's that big of a deal to say "the fat one" etc. etc. if it's not meant maliciously.

I would go to hair color or something else first though unless that's not enough to explain them clearly.

[montblanc]

indeed Jesy is a fat lady due to lifestyle choices.

hmm

[Crimson Dynamo]

hmm

no, its a her

[Tozzie]

Sure it's acceptable. If Tom needs to know which one to speak to, gotta be specific!

If she didn't want to be called fat, she should eat less.

I'm guessing you don't have a weight problem. If it were that easy to lose weight why do we have so many overweight and obese people in this country. No one wants to be fat or overweight, there are many reasons why someone may be fat including losing themselves in grief, emotional problems, thyroid problems, unable to exercise due to disability, certain drugs. Try to be a bit more understanding Oliver, no one would choose to be overweight I don't think, I've been there myself through grief gaining a tremendous amount of weight and its horrible, luckily I am now losing the weight gained but its bloody hard I'll tell you.

[Tozzie]

I don't like the word fat really preferring the bigger lady, dunno why really, it just seems a horrible term regarding someones weight, so I guess I don't think it is acceptable, find a kinder word :shrug:

[ethanjames]

at first if u just want to identify somebody sure but if u carry on that's just not right somebodys size shouldn't be their identification

[Crimson Dynamo]

I'm guessing you don't have a weight problem. If it were that easy to lose weight why do we have so many overweight and obese people in this country. No one wants to be fat or overweight, there are many reasons why someone may be fat including losing themselves in grief, emotional problems, thyroid problems, unable to exercise due to disability, certain drugs. Try to be a bit more understanding Oliver, no one would choose to be overweight I don't think, I've been there myself through grief gaining a tremendous amount of weight and its horrible, luckily I am now losing the weight gained but its bloody hard I'll tell you.

"losing themselves in grief, emotional problems, thyroid problems, unable to exercise due to disability, certain drugs. "

that would be the 1% now wouldnt it?

its the 99% we are discussing

[user104658]

"losing themselves in grief, emotional problems, thyroid problems, unable to exercise due to disability, certain drugs. "

that would be the 1% now wouldnt it?

its the 99% we are discussingI'd say it's far more than 1% of (significantly) overweight people who have emotional problems of some kind d or depression. A poor lifestyle can easily lead people to being a BIT overweight, carrying some extra pounds / a belly etc. But if we're talking actual obesity... It's very often a reward-cycle addiction and that usually has attached emotional and personal issues. And then it's like any other vice, really. There's not much point tackling the symptoms (being fat) until the cause has been identified and dealt with. A *lot* of overweight people manage to lose the weight when they have chronic dieting / exercise to turn their focus to, and then as soon as they reach the desired weight and its back to normal existence, the weight just goes back on because the underlying problem is still there.

[Matthew.]

Sure it's acceptable. If Tom needs to know which one to speak to, gotta be specific!

If she didn't want to be called fat, she should eat less.

alright katie hopkins settle

[Tozzie]

I'd say it's far more than 1% of (significantly) overweight people who have emotional problems of some kind d or depression. A poor lifestyle can easily lead people to being a BIT overweight, carrying some extra pounds / a belly etc. But if we're talking actual obesity... It's very often a reward-cycle addiction and that usually has attached emotional and personal issues. And then it's like any other vice, really. There's not much point tackling the symptoms (being fat) until the cause has been identified and dealt with. A *lot* of overweight people manage to lose the weight when they have chronic dieting / exercise to turn their focus to, and then as soon as they reach the desired weight and its back to normal existence, the weight just goes back on because the underlying problem is still there.

Excellent post

[Denver]

No fats or fems

[Matthew.]

i have experience of being called “the fat one” in high school. it was not nice, so don’t call people fat. if describing their weight is completely necessary, there are other words than fat.

[Kizzy]

It is stating the obvious but it's not very tactful is it, would you really want to come across as rude in front of a colleague?

[Greg!]

If you absolutely needed to distinguish between two people and there was no other way to differentiate them I would say "the bigger lady" because it's rude to call her fat but that's just me

[Shaun]

I'd generally go to what they're wearing (colour-wise), hair colour or style before their literal size.

[JerseyWins]

Also yeah, even as a final alternative to describe someone, I wouldn't literally say "the fat one" I'd go for "the one that's a little bigger" "a little overweight" or something like that.

[rusticgal]

Sure it's acceptable. If Tom needs to know which one to speak to, gotta be specific!

If she didn't want to be called fat, she should eat less.

Being fat is not always due to someone being over indulgent with food...it could be caused by medication or an inability to exercise due to an injury etc.
I would refer to someone as the 'larger lady' if there was no other way to distinguish her to the other.
It's called being 'tactful' and respectful.

[Crimson Dynamo]

Being fat is not always due to someone being over indulgent with food...it could be caused by medication or an inability to exercise due to an injury etc.
I would refer to someone as the 'larger lady' if there was no other way to distinguish her to the other.
It's called being 'tactful' and respectful.

So you would lie

[user104658]

BH if you're going to say anything regarding weight you might as well just say fat. No one is going to be LESS offended by being called "the larger lady" than "the fat lady"... I mean... unless they're not the brightest - they know what you mean. Either don't mention physical attributes at all, or just go with it :shrug:.

Of course the ACTUAL polite thing to do, would be to introduce yourself to people and learn their name in the first place and then remember it. :whistle:

[Cherie]

BH if you're going to say anything regarding weight you might as well just say fat. No one is going to be LESS offended by being called "the larger lady" than "the fat lady"... I mean... unless they're not the brightest - they know what you mean. Either don't mention physical attributes at all, or just go with it :shrug:.

Of course the ACTUAL polite thing to do, would be to introduce yourself to people and learn their name in the first place and then remember it. :whistle:

Larger :skull:

[Niamh.]

BH if you're going to say anything regarding weight you might as well just say fat. No one is going to be LESS offended by being called "the larger lady" than "the fat lady"... I mean... unless they're not the brightest - they know what you mean. Either don't mention physical attributes at all, or just go with it :shrug:.

Of course the ACTUAL polite thing to do, would be to introduce yourself to people and learn their name in the first place and then remember it. :whistle:[emoji122]

[Beso]

As long as she doesnt hear i guess its ok.

[Ammi]

http://www.mainemedicareoptions.com/sites/default/files/images/tumblr_nqdqsuv4hN1qgjvrso2_500.png

2 work collegues discussing some new workers at work. "can you get someone to cover for mandy on the front desk?" says Tom. "Yes" says Marc "there is one of the new ones that has that very experience" "Oh?" says Tom "which one?"

Now Marc has not got the names to hand but he has met them as has Tom, briefly

"the em, the fat lady" says Marc

"aaah" right says Tom I will go and ask her

Now as Jesy is the only fat lady (she is 18 stone and 5 foot 6") Marc was efficient in going for the most recognisable aspect for Tom and indeed Jesy is a fat lady due to lifestyle choices.


But is that acceptable if not why?

...’lifestyle choices’...can be enforced in many cases, so not really choices as such at all...obesity in children is classed as child abuse...and that ‘abuse’ can become typical behaviour patterns... of how someone addresses stresses../..anxieties etc in their lives...that drawing from childhood and ‘comfort’...typical behaviour patterns are very hard to change but more can ‘yoyo’ In adult life...because the will and determination to change may be there...but it’s too hard to sustain what has become ‘typical’...no different to any of our behaviour, which is very often linked to childhood...or maybe specific ‘traumas’ or fears etc in younger years..’fat’ is just a label, quite a cruel and blunt label that would only make someone feel worse about something they may hate in themselves already...we all get annoyed with ourselves, why do I do that, why do I react this way or that way etc...because it’s our ‘typical’ and what we sadly often do and often hate ourselves for..the same with eating for many people...not self-inflicted at all but something inflicted on someone...and very hard to gain ‘control’ over for a ‘permanent fix’....


...why would someone want to say ‘the fat one’, anyway...That would reflect more on them and their ‘behaviour pattern’ to feel that’s all they can see in someone, or that they see that as the most noticeable, descriptive thing..quality in someone...there would always be something else to describe in a person, other than a weight thing...it’s a lazy descriptive and an unnecessarily cruel one...

[Ammi]

..why is it so often about ‘acceptable’...surely we all have our own ‘acceptable’../...we each decide and have that freedom...if we think and feel it’s acceptable then it’s acceptable....’acceptable’ just won’t always have any value though and can be quite tunnel visioned as well...prevent from actually seeing a person beyond any physical appearance...

[Northern Monkey]

You have to say ‘The dietarily challenged one’ in today’s PC gaaawn maayaad culture

[Ammi]

..people don’t ‘have’ to say anything though, NM...there is no have to and there is no PC and there is no specific culture...people can refer to and use a descriptive of the ‘fat one’ if that’s what they prefer...but what would be the value in choosing to use a descriptive that could be very hurtful or offend etc something about someone that they could hate about themselves, would it be some type of satisfaction thing, a feeling of freedom, type thing..?... to use a descriptive for someone for something that could for various reasons, be beyond their control...I mean I just don’t get it...that ‘acceptable’ is something that seems the thing...so much is ...oh back in the day, this could be said and that could be said but oh, uh....PC culture now...but back in the day, in the day I knew of...people found their own ‘acceptability’ and remained thoughtful in their words...there was understanding of just not ‘hurting’ people unnecessarily....there was no ‘needing’ to be told of an ‘acceptablity’...or to ask what would be an acceptability...so far as weight is concerned...it would be very rare for thoughtless words from strangers or work colleagues who are not close friends and genuinely concerned to have an ‘impact’ of ‘helping’...but it would be very easy for those thoughtless words to have an impact of someone only been made to feel lower about themselves...and I think we all do a pretty successful job of feeling lower about ourselves and critical of ourselves already...there is no ‘help’ needed from anyone else...other than those who we are close to in our lives, who are feeling genuine concern....’obesity’ is something to be addressed in terms of health issues obviously...but not addressed in terms of ‘fat shaming’ diescriptives, which only serve to counter any genuine concerns...

[Alf]

XIlpGnEUcGw

[Northern Monkey]

..people don’t ‘have’ to say anything though, NM...there is no have to and there is no PC and there is no specific culture...people can refer to and use a descriptive of the ‘fat one’ if that’s what they prefer...but what would be the value in choosing to use a descriptive that could be very hurtful or offend etc something about someone that they could hate about themselves, would it be some type of satisfaction thing, a feeling of freedom, type thing..?... to use a descriptive for someone for something that could for various reasons, be beyond their control...I mean I just don’t get it...that ‘acceptable’ is something that seems the thing...so much is ...oh back in the day, this could be said and that could be said but oh, uh....PC culture now...but back in the day, in the day I knew of...people found their own ‘acceptability’ and remained thoughtful in their words...there was understanding of just not ‘hurting’ people unnecessarily....there was no ‘needing’ to be told of an ‘acceptablity’...or to ask what would be an acceptability...so far as weight is concerned...it would be very rare for thoughtless words from strangers or work colleagues who are not close friends and genuinely concerned to have an ‘impact’ of ‘helping’...but it would be very easy for those thoughtless words to have an impact of someone only been made to feel lower about themselves...and I think we all do a pretty successful job of feeling lower about ourselves and critical of ourselves already...there is no ‘help’ needed from anyone else...other than those who we are close to in our lives, who are feeling genuine concern....’obesity’ is something to be addressed in terms of health issues obviously...but not addressed in terms of ‘fat shaming’ diescriptives, which only serve to counter any genuine concerns...I know.I have loads of fat friends.
My post was meant to be kind of humorous.

[thesheriff443]

BH if you're going to say anything regarding weight you might as well just say fat. No one is going to be LESS offended by being called "the larger lady" than "the fat lady"... I mean... unless they're not the brightest - they know what you mean. Either don't mention physical attributes at all, or just go with it :shrug:.

Of course the ACTUAL polite thing to do, would be to introduce yourself to people and learn their name in the first place and then remember it. :whistle:

They are not in view!, and not in earshot, it's about what's acceptable when describing someone to another person.

It's about social awareness, and in a company with different departments you don't go around talking to everyone and people come and go in work.

[Maru]

Sure. Why would I get upset for someone else? If they're keen to live in their truth, then it's acceptable to common terms to refer to the same thing... that's assuming the context is mainly descriptive for the purposes of identifying someone in a room, not as their general label within a group. I wouldn't even think it's rude, just they're not a very creative one :laugh:...

[rusticgal]

So you would lie

How is that a lie?..the larger lady is a more tactful way of describing a 'fat' person...and I'm tactful.

[Marsh.]

http://www.mainemedicareoptions.com/sites/default/files/images/tumblr_nqdqsuv4hN1qgjvrso2_500.png

2 work collegues discussing some new workers at work. "can you get someone to cover for mandy on the front desk?" says Tom. "Yes" says Marc "there is one of the new ones that has that very experience" "Oh?" says Tom "which one?"

Now Marc has not got the names to hand but he has met them as has Tom, briefly

"the em, the fat lady" says Marc

"aaah" right says Tom I will go and ask her

Now as Jesy is the only fat lady (she is 18 stone and 5 foot 6") Marc was efficient in going for the most recognisable aspect for Tom and indeed Jesy is a fat lady due to lifestyle choices.


But is that acceptable if not why?

If he has met them, he should be professional enough to know their names already.

If not, ask. Or use their clothing "In the blue blouse" etc.