View Full Version : Do You Have a Thick Skin? (Poll)
.. And are you able to keep your perspective when having an argument or debate with someone?
I think this is a pretty straight forward question?
If you answered yes, what would be your advice to others struggling with this issue and how did you resolve it?
What is a give-away to you that someone else does not have a thick skin?
For me, the biggest give-away is when a person tries to redirect the conversation away from themselves and their behavior. This may even be this case without them being the topic of conversation...
I try to leave conversations or put people in ignore in this category because it usually leads to a toxic exchange super quickly. I think a lot of people who are in debates online, they are attracted to people with the same thin skins... because those folk are very easy to distract and it makes them less of a threat when it comes to personal attacks.
I don't think it is necessarily healthy for two people to sit there and pick at each other's scabs. Nothing intellectually is gained from these conversations for the people in it or the observers, (outside of a lesson in human psychology), as the people are often too distracted by heated words and can't stay on topic...
Matthew.
13-03-2018, 06:10 PM
lol no
i still remember one time where a member said something that was slightly mean to me and i still feel awkward speaking to them because of it :laugh: it was around november time, but he probably doesn’t even realise :hee:
montblanc
13-03-2018, 06:17 PM
lol no
i still remember one time where a member said something that was slightly mean to me and i still feel awkward speaking to them because of it :laugh: it was around november time, but he probably doesn’t even realise :hee:
spill the tea!
RileyH
13-03-2018, 06:18 PM
not at all
Withano
13-03-2018, 06:20 PM
Yh, but everyone loves me so I rarely ever put it to practice.
RileyH
13-03-2018, 06:22 PM
but everyone loves me
https://media1.tenor.com/images/249eadabf929640a3e137c9485c0798f/tenor.gif?itemid=10273180
Daniel-X
13-03-2018, 06:22 PM
Absolutely not lmao, I hate being told that there’s anything wrong with me (as shallow as it sounds, I just do). I think it boils down to the fact that a) i’m very concerned with how people see me and b) I’m a very jealous person
Smithy
13-03-2018, 06:31 PM
Yeah idgaf what people think
Matthew.
13-03-2018, 06:33 PM
spill the tea!
its not you
smudgie
13-03-2018, 06:36 PM
Yes.
But then I don't take anything personal that is said in a debate, and I really try not to be personal to the people in the debate.
Agree to disagree would be my advice.
AnnieK
13-03-2018, 06:41 PM
Its a tough one to answer, particularly online. People often try to portray themselves as being thick skinned but you can tell how they react to differing opinions that they are either incredibly thin skinned or totally up their own arses so act incredulous that people don't agree with them so there must be something innately wrong with the other person.
I wouldn't say I had either to be honest. Some days everything is water off a ducks back and nothing winds me up and other days I can be incredibly sensitive.
Jodie.
13-03-2018, 06:45 PM
Lol no I cry
http://cdn.thisisbigbrother.com/signaturepics/sigpic100879_9.gif
Brother Leon
13-03-2018, 06:50 PM
Yeah. I don’t really have advise though. Outside of my family and close friends and fiancé, I just don’t really care what people say or think of me. I think in time perhaps you may just naturally become the same.
Jordan.
13-03-2018, 07:09 PM
Idk I'm generally not easily offended, but I don't deal with personal attacks well.
Jason.
13-03-2018, 07:16 PM
Idk I'm generally not easily offended, but I don't deal with personal attacks well.
Pretty much.
Amy Jade
13-03-2018, 07:19 PM
I think it depends on who says things. If somebody I liked decided to trash me that would hurt but if it is somebody I don't really care about then I don't pay any mind to it.
Mitchell
13-03-2018, 07:27 PM
And an elastic heaaaarrt
Oliver_W
13-03-2018, 08:42 PM
Sure. Very little really matters, especially not words! I never understood why people care so much about what other people can say, why give them the power to rattle your cage?
If you answered yes, what would be your advice to others struggling with this issue and how did you resolve it?
Just find some perspective. If someone says something mean, it's either probably in response to some offense you might have given without realising, or they're just a crappy person whose opinions are all bitter anyway. Either way, in about seven-ten hours you'll be comfy in bed anyway, words won't change that.
What is a give-away to you that someone else does not have a thick skin?
Apart from obvious stuff, like taking offense at every little thing? Probably being constantly bitchy with no need, it's probably a defense mechanism.
Sure. Very little really matters, especially not words! I never understood why people care so much about what other people can say, why give them the power to rattle your cage?
Of course words matter, Oliver! :nono: ...Well, at least somewhat :laugh:... it's good to get other people's perspectives, even when somewhat negative. In my art program, my skin was boiling and repeatedly shedding itself from all the jealous h8te I received (kidding)
But actually... sometime it's even worse if someone almost never receives criticism. They never develop a way of coping and find themselves unusually distressed in those situations maybe? I was really hungry for it when I was younger, which attracted really "interesting" people into my life early on as I must have been like a sponge... but I kinda feel like I'm much happier now because I sought the criticism or at least stood there while it was being thrown at me. Where I come from, we don't really mince words... :laugh: so better to get over your thin skin issues when you are younger, whereas when you are older it can really be a stressor.
Just find some perspective. If someone says something mean, it's either probably in response to some offense you might have given without realising, or they're just a crappy person whose opinions are all bitter anyway. Either way, in about seven-ten hours you'll be comfy in bed anyway, words won't change that.
Apart from obvious stuff, like taking offense at every little thing? Probably being constantly bitchy with no need, it's probably a defense mechanism.
Yeah, and I think receiving criticism is probably more harmful for those folk online than in real life (the bitchy types). People don't really hold back online because there's no person in front of you to hold them accountable, but I think... some people are just naturally "crabby" as a personality anyway..,
Also you're completely right, keeping perspective is so important and I think really key to having/developing/keeping a thick skin. And sometimes, we just need to trust our own gut, like if someone is personally picking on us... if something doesn't feel right, then just walk away, have faith in yourself that you can judge the situation accurately without stooping to the gas-lighting... Though sometimes, if you really care about someone (like a spouse) or feel maybe someone a grip on something we ourselves maybe have issues with, it's good to let our guard down at least a bit and let some soak in... but better to mull it over than to respond immediately.
Some sensitive folk think that having a thick skins means we have to bounce back right away or always have some kind of answer to a criticism... actually, I think stepping away and thinking about the words when we have a clearer mind is ideal. But sometimes a response is not even worth it... especially if it something not even worth having an argument over.
TiBB also has it's own variant of trash talk, which funny enough, is one reason I am attracted to this place because it doesn't feel as superficial (as an environment anyway)... like half the people in this thread saying "no" to the poll question. I would've never thought they had any issues with criticism. But that just shows we don't always know what other people are feeling about other people's words... I'm like Amy, I would probably be hurt if people I cared about had harsh words for me. But I think sitting with them and taking it means I am giving their feelings more consideration than I would normally...
Its a tough one to answer, particularly online. People often try to portray themselves as being thick skinned but you can tell how they react to differing opinions that they are either incredibly thin skinned or totally up their own arses so act incredulous that people don't agree with them so there must be something innately wrong with the other person.
I wouldn't say I had either to be honest. Some days everything is water off a ducks back and nothing winds me up and other days I can be incredibly sensitive.
That reminds me... my husband thinks once I month I go totally off the deep end and he says it's like I've had a personality swap or something. I'm a relatively new driver and I already take mistakes very seriously... but I think for those type of days my license should be suspended for my own well-being. :laugh: Even just being on the road and being honked at can set me off when I'm like that. Maybe I should also let know Vicky my schedule so she can temp ban me from SD during those days... :laugh:
Actually when I was moderating, we used to have people request temporary bans for personal reasons. So it's really actually not that unusual (I think), for some people to just want to reach for the rest button and catch themselves a break... sometimes people have a good relationship with a certain moderator and they will ask them to let them know if they've gone off rails and to issue a temp ban to keep them from getting themselves into trouble... some moderators do it to themselves :laugh:
waterhog
13-03-2018, 11:10 PM
you can call me every name under the sun and I can take it but when anyone is a critic on my poetry I start crying :joker:
Wait I voted yeah cos I’m not really arsed but like if someone said something to me I wouldn’t take it i’d Kick off so does that mean I’m not?
LemonJam
14-03-2018, 01:16 AM
Honestly a stranger could tell me I have a bit of coffee on my nose and I'll be sad about it for a year.
jaxie
14-03-2018, 04:45 AM
Sometimes. I am quite strong I think but I also think we all have our paranoid or insecure moments.
Northern Monkey
14-03-2018, 08:00 AM
Yep,I’m northern. :laugh:
Seriously though.
I don’t get butthurt or dragged into arguments.It’s the internet.I don’t give a ****.I just put my opinions out and anyone can take em or leave em.I might debate them on rare occasions but to me it’s all just a laugh in my spare time.When i switch off I don’t think about it.
In real life i’m probs much thinner skinned.I’ll give as good as i get or worse.
Kazanne
14-03-2018, 08:07 AM
The only time I would care if anyone dissed me is if it was a loved one or friends,other than that,it's water of a ducks back as they say, why would anyone care about some random stranger not liking them ?
user104658
14-03-2018, 09:42 AM
With everyone other than my wife, impenetrably thick.
In arguments with my wife... Skin like wet tissue paper. :think:
Livia
14-03-2018, 10:27 AM
My skin is not particularly thick. It's reasonably thick, but any thicker and it would be giving idiots licence to insult me to see if I can take it. And I'm a grown up now.
Mystic Mock
14-03-2018, 11:58 AM
Not really, I can cover it up quite well I think, but if someone does say something offensive to me it will bother me for awhile.
I do like to not bring everybody around me down though so I will try to be in an uplifting mood if I can help it, although there are some offensive things that can break that shield.:joker:
Niamh.
14-03-2018, 12:03 PM
Honestly a stranger could tell me I have a bit of coffee on my nose and I'll be sad about it for a year.
awww :hug:
Me, it depends, mostly I do but it depends on my mood aswell
Jordan.
14-03-2018, 05:37 PM
Yes winning, sure tibb
http://i.imgur.com/4lE7XJR.gif
Kizzy
14-03-2018, 06:05 PM
I would like to say no but recently I've realised I do you just get used to refering the pain elsewhere.
But like a sore then it festers and hurts when you press it.
My advice, squeeze the zit! It'll hurt like a bitch but it has to be done to heal :laugh:
Not really, I can cover it up quite well I think, but if someone does say something offensive to me it will bother me for awhile.
I do like to not bring everybody around me down though so I will try to be in an uplifting mood if I can help it, although there are some offensive things that can break that shield.:joker:
That sounds exhausting for you, Mock. Especially with the responsibility and burden that comes with that sort of accountability. I used to have a similar reaction, but quickly got over when I realized the people I was attracting were total flakes and were happy to dump all the responsibility of the friendship on my end... there has to be a give and take with that I think, because when we are upset, we should be able to talk to our friends about it?a Though, I will say... I don't try not to say too much around people who I am already aware have some kind of sensitivity issue... I just listen and if there is a problem, I just speak with my actions. A more extreme example, I had a friend who used to be a magnet for drama (the self-created variety)... I knew what the calls were always for, was so I could sit and validate their cycle of negative thinking. So I stopped answering those calls and installed a bit of a barrier to force them to put in actual effort into our relationship rather than just have an answering service for constant venting... they weren't getting their quick fill-up, so they stopped making that minimal effort... it wasn't even personal, I actually rather liked them... but they didn't seem to value the relationship for anything but a quick dodge of their personal responsibilities. They also had some psych issues they were working through and I think rather than getting help, calling and leaving messages with everyone was an easy out for them to seek it... and I think it did them a favor to put up the sign so to speak, because they seemed to be at least acknowledging those anxiety problems, rather than getting wrapped up in all the other distractions surrounding it. And no, I could never tell them how I felt about their words or actions :laugh:... I would have to accept all responsibility for all the evil in the world that very same conversation. Kind of like how people on here get online if you say something directed... it can get misinterpreted or misrepresented very easily, especially textual conversations I think... that's why I don't really text with people, I prefer a phone call or meet in person.
With everyone other than my wife, impenetrably thick.
In arguments with my wife... Skin like wet tissue paper. :think:
This is more or less what my husband has said multiple times (*stern look* "When it's you". :laugh: He is used to getting abused on a daily basis and receiving death threats, though, so hard for him to really care about the more minor stuff...
I get some BS in my field too, but I think it's more the personal hazards. Because it's a creative field too, having a thick skin and taking criticism is an essential thought process to success, especially when it comes to work you put a lot of your own personal stuff into. I don't think I could do my job properly. otherwise... and I think it helps too being a woman in CS, I'm not really questioned about my capability level because of the way I manage those conversations without having existential crisis. I'd probably never get out of bed otherwise or I'd be like some of my peers... still in school years later and running up ludicrous student loan bills on account they don't trust their own skills so they dabble in several different programs... that does seem to happen to a lot of people, not just design students.
Rrr, was just reading something on this today actually... (anyway sorry for the brain fart here :laugh:)
More than half of millennials going through 'quarter-life crisis', research finds
https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/millennials-quarter-live-crisis-half-25-35-finance-career-property-first-direct-a8253036.html
Wait I voted yeah cos I’m not really arsed but like if someone said something to me I wouldn’t take it i’d Kick off so does that mean I’m not?
It depends, if you do what some others call "giving back what is given", then you might be acting a bit out of spite which could be insecurity or a similar defense :laugh:... if on the other hand, you're just naturally outspoken and blunt by nature in your exchanges with people, then it may just a tact issue. Like some people are just loud about everything they think. It comes down to your personality and where your verbal references come from... I'm a very observation-based/intuitive-ish thinker, so I tend to have a long-form response to everything I see in the world and just happen to have a matching energy level. Though I tend to avoid conversations with people who are overly sensitive in general... just because I prefer to learn about them by observing more than interacting them, as their actions say more about their behavior than their words I think in several cases... also helps with building trust,=.
Anyway there's my armchair therapy...
Honestly a stranger could tell me I have a bit of coffee on my nose and I'll be sad about it for a year.
:( Your stomach must seriously be in knots constantly if it's that intense. Hopefully you are doing something for it?... :hug:
Sometimes. I am quite strong I think but I also think we all have our paranoid or insecure moments.
Yes :love: That's pretty normal I think, jaxie. Just means we are human beings at the end of the day.
Yes winning, sure tibb
http://i.imgur.com/4lE7XJR.gif
:joker:
Marsh.
14-03-2018, 10:51 PM
Yes and no.
Strangers, people I don't care about then yes, but friends or colleagues, people I know more than that or anything then (depending on what was said or done) it'll nag me for a while.
..I always ‘take criticism on board’...just because that’s how I feel ‘growth’ is gained through life...sometimes the criticism will be justified and understood,
even if something wasn’t meant in a certain way, but more misunderstanding type stuff..and sometimes it won’t so much be justified or understood..such is life and life’s balances..and the ‘lessons’ we learn...
Yes and no.
Strangers, people I don't care about then yes, but friends or colleagues, people I know more than that or anything then (depending on what was said or done) it'll nag me for a while.
...we all just love ‘nagging’ you, Marsh...it’s our chosen pastime...:laugh:...nag, nag, nag, nag, nag...
Honestly a stranger could tell me I have a bit of coffee on my nose and I'll be sad about it for a year.
...hawww, you James..:hug:..what you should have been thinking for that year...is what a darn fine and beautiful nose to have coffee on though, baby...because that nose is fine and beautiful...so coffee couldn’t help its attraction to it..:love:...
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