Not wanting to be alive but not wanting to die

[Black Dagger]

Has anybody else ever had these sorts of feelings. I feel them frequently atm and I don't want this just to be a woe is me thread but yeah this year has been spectacularly **** for me and it doesn't feel like it's really going to improve any time soon. I'm literally on this planet to exist at the minute. Good days are rare but at least keep me going. I should probably be on a specialist site for this I know "**** off Lucas you miserable ****. We want to discuss why BB8 Nicky was robbed of a place in the final.

But yeah has anybody else thought at times they would be better off not being here but know they could never face doing anything about it?

(This thread may finally kill off the forum. Soz x)

[Daniel-X]

:hug::sad:

I’m so sorry my gorgeous that you’re feeling this way. I can’t really relate myself but I know what it’s like to feel like you’re not really going anywhere with life and it can be a real kick in the teeth. My best advice would be to you to try and change something in your life that you think could be holding you back, even if it’s just a new job/perhaps studying for a degree/trying dating websites x

Always here to talk tho shug

[Mystic Mock]

It's an interesting thread.

If I weren't alive the world would probably go on as normal for most people tbh (with the exception of my family of course) but I personally enjoy living even if it's not the most exciting existence in the world.:laugh:

I'm sorry that you feel this way Black Dagger, 2019 has been a bad year for a lot of people so hopefully that's all it is.

Have you spoken to any family members about how you're feeling?

[Beso]

Please take a step back....look at things differently.


Laugh at yourself, then build some determination to never feel like this again...it's tough, so so tough...but you can do it xx

[GoldHeart]

Don't you have first dates to look forward to ?? , plus it's nearly Christmas stay positive . People have their ups and down it's life . Just have to make sure you have people around you that support you, if not then maybe take on different hobbies and make new friends.

[Beso]

Don't you have first dates to look forward to ?? , plus it's nearly Christmas stay positive . People have their ups and down it's life . Just have to make sure you have people around you that support you, if not then maybe take on different hobbies and make new friends.



Having to do all that sounds stressful to me.:shrug:

[Morgan.]

All the time, Lucas. Just a constant feeling of, “nothing would change if I wasn’t here” and a sense of nothing every going right. But then in the same air I feel like I owe it to the people around me to stick around and see things through.

I’m sorry you also feel this way, it truly is the worst :hug:

[Beso]

Such a sad thread, is uncle parmy going to have to kick some bottoms in a bit?


You both seem nice really nice guys on here even though we don't get on and probably never will..what's so bad in your life's?

[Tony Montana]

Yeah, I've had those thoughts a couple of times.

I'm sorry you feel that way Lucas, I know this year has been so **** for you. Hopefully things improve in 2020. :love:

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

loov come to spoons with me i’ll cheer you up

[Twosugars]

Has anybody else ever had these sorts of feelings. I feel them frequently atm and I don't want this just to be a woe is me thread but yeah this year has been spectacularly **** for me and it doesn't feel like it's really going to improve any time soon. I'm literally on this planet to exist at the minute. Good days are rare but at least keep me going. I should probably be on a specialist site for this I know "**** off Lucas you miserable ****. We want to discuss why BB8 Nicky was robbed of a place in the final.

But yeah has anybody else thought at times they would be better off not being here but know they could never face doing anything about it?

(This thread may finally kill off the forum. Soz x)

If you step back and look at yourself from a distance you see someone who feels like you described above.
You also see that there's nothing to say that this is a permanent state, ie some time in future you may feel differently and/or sometime in future something good may happen in your life. If you are objective you must see that possibility.
And so your task right now is to get your present self to survive until things have a chance to improve.
To do that you need to overcome or at least contain the current state of mind.
You sound depressed ie negative thoughts bordering on suicidal and tunnel vision where you do not see your objective situation clearly and fully. That's serious depression.
You can get meds to help you get stronger or if that doesnt work you may try coping strategies to wait out until your mood shifts.
One strategy that works for me is to stop thinking and occupy your mind with other things, practical things. Anything but how you feel about your life right now.
Exercise is another strategy if you have the energy.
Basically finding something to "obsess" about productively.
I'll stop here. Feel free to pm me if you want to talk.

[Ant.]

To answer your question without taking your thunder; I did, yes

I don't know the extent of what you've gone through or how bad you've been feeling but as someone who has experienced what you've described (and know many people who share the sentiment) I can say that it does get better. And I always rolled my eyes when I heard that, and the fact that it gets better doesn't really help how you feel right now, but the fact that you're so open about how you feel is a good way for you to begin to heal possibly?

Speaking to anyone about how you feel is important - a problem shared is a problem halved, so you're more than welcome to share how you feel here. But that said, specialist help is something I can only suggest you (and anyone who is struggling) can try. Counselling isn't for everyone, and it took me a good few tries across numerous years for it to be effective for me, but it certainly helped. I hope that a reminder that good counselling experiences exist, since it sounds like 99% of them are horrendous. But there's other forms of specialist help!! Online sites, Samaritans may be worth a try, Mindfulness (which I refused to use in the times I struggled but apparently it works)

I dunno how active you are but exercise can actually help? It can be a way of doing something - occupying your time and making you feel better. It can be a good way to meet new people and friends, possibly snowballing into new friendships, more good days, and more reasons to live, until you no longer need to consciously think hard for reasons to get you through days. And it doesn't have to really be at a gym, could be at a class. Cooking class? Book club? They're all cliches I also rolled my eyes out but they strengthened by social network, if socialising is something you want

I can only recommend CBT. What's a problem you have? Why do you have it? How does it make you feel? How would you feel if that problem didn't exist? How are you going to challenge it? I remember doing it and thinking "half of these questions are stupid" but I'd be lying if I said that it didn't help

A concept I've recently heard of is Action Planning. It is less self-directed (CBT doesnt have to be either, it is usually done with a counsellor but it can't hurt to ask yourself those questions and reflect for yourself) but it gives you an outside perspective on your situation which can help you see the objective side and you can employ the different approaches different people would take to your situation. Definitely worth seeing if you can organise a group for it/join a group for it

I'm gonna use an analogy that I'll try and phrase correctly: think of a journey. A to B. Let's say, your house to the cinema. Is the journey straightforward? Very likely no. You will need to take bends and turns and at times you're gonna end up travelling towards your home and therefore further away from point B before you get there. In this situation, 'A' is when you began feeling awful, and 'B' is when you'll feel better. I like it,it is basically the saying "it gets worse before it gets better", but it also reminds me that it is okay for it to get worse, because any progress, good or bad, is progress

I hope you get through this Lucas and I'm sorry you're feeling the way you do :( :hug:

[Marsh.]

I actually think this is the perfect thread for you to discuss it. The number of people who experience/suffer depression/anxiety or are in some way struggling with their direction on this forum judging by past threads.

All the best. :love:

[Marsh.]

loov come to spoons with me i’ll cheer you up

Everything always comes down to blowjobs in bar toilets with you. :bored:

[Ammi]

Has anybody else ever had these sorts of feelings. I feel them frequently atm and I don't want this just to be a woe is me thread but yeah this year has been spectacularly **** for me and it doesn't feel like it's really going to improve any time soon. I'm literally on this planet to exist at the minute. Good days are rare but at least keep me going. I should probably be on a specialist site for this I know "**** off Lucas you miserable ****. We want to discuss why BB8 Nicky was robbed of a place in the final.

But yeah has anybody else thought at times they would be better off not being here but know they could never face doing anything about it?

(This thread may finally kill off the forum. Soz x)

...Lucas..:hug:..I can understand that this time of year is really so very difficult for you...:hug:...and that’s the thing as well, there are painful times when it’s a real struggle because of associations etc...but they do pass, we do get through them...you have good days, they may be rare but you have them...and I think that it’s also using those good days to help preserve and prepare for the not so good ones...those good days are the days when your thoughts will be more hopeful and clear...so (..as Ant has said...)...a good time to make a step plan for the next bad day...and it really can be quite basic, just a step by step to help you through... You have so much worth, Lucas...you are such a spectacular person ...but you have to feel that yourself and I know atm you don’t...channelling your energy outwards can be really rewarding and fulfilling...doing the smallest things for others around you that might make a difference to them...?...can help you to start putting things into place more in your own head because these things all add to your self worth feelings, which are just so low and depleted atm...talking on here is good but also talk to people in your life as well...and talk to your GP, explain everything that you feel daily...?...

...Lucas, this is the worst time of year for you and it won’t always feel like this, I promise...:hug:...since I’ve been on this forum, you’ve been someone who shines and radiates loveliness...someone whose presence makes a positive difference...someone who is just such a joy...?..one person, I think has made you feel so much none of those things at all...but that’s just because they’ve projected their own negative stuff onto you...and you’ve absorbed it because of the person you are..you’ve measured your self worth by their issues and insecurities...?....but around you are people who adore you..:hug:..people who will support you and help you with each step...help you to get through each day that you find difficult because their world would be so much less brighter without you in it....talk to your GP and look at that ‘care plan’ to use the energies from your good days, to help with those bad ones...and as those energies grow stronger, the good ones will get more and more and the bad ones will get less and less...(..I’m a huge advocate of CBT as well...understanding the paths of our though processes and why and how we act and react etc..?....makes everything make more sense and then our ‘mind monsters’ can be chilled away at and solved, bit by bit...)...


...you’re a stunning person Lucas and I have so much love for you...:hug:..

[Strictly Jake]

I used to feel like this all the time about 10 years ago. In fact the only reason I didnt go through with it is because I was too scared to do anything about it so I had to carry on and Im so pleased I did as a lot of good things have happened in the 10 years following and Im in different circumstances now

Thats not to say things arent hard any more I can have some really low times and there was a moment this year those feelings came back

This forum is definitely the place to express your feelings there are so many lovely people on here

My advice to you is carry on, I know how hard it can be but you will have a different outlook on life soon enough. Things may be crap now but they wont always be. Even now there will be a lot of things that are good in your life the negative things can block your vision, dont think about the negatives and strongly focus on the good

[Zizu]

Haven’t read through all the thread just the main post ...

Two quick things

1. Google the effects of certain foods on your moods and general well being . For example I love chocolate BUT it sends me spiralling ‘down’ if I have too much .. there are loads of foods that just make you feel great !!


2. Play some happy , uplifting, uptempo music at every opportunity !!

Play LOUD ...
Enjoy


https://youtu.be/539dWR_-xF0
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

[Kazanne]

Has anybody else ever had these sorts of feelings. I feel them frequently atm and I don't want this just to be a woe is me thread but yeah this year has been spectacularly **** for me and it doesn't feel like it's really going to improve any time soon. I'm literally on this planet to exist at the minute. Good days are rare but at least keep me going. I should probably be on a specialist site for this I know "**** off Lucas you miserable ****. We want to discuss why BB8 Nicky was robbed of a place in the final.

But yeah has anybody else thought at times they would be better off not being here but know they could never face doing anything about it?

(This thread may finally kill off the forum. Soz x)

Sorry to hear you feel like this BD, have you sought help at all ? we all get down at times some more than others , but although life can seem bleak some days you never know what is round the corner , your life could change in a heartbeat, try and talk to someone who understands and maybe try different things in life , do you have any hobbies ? I hope that you can find that life is well worth living, people would miss you were you not around, but try and seek some help if you can,it does help,sometimes when things get too much ,you just want to be away from it all , but there is always a solution BD, :wavey:

[Kate!]

Lucas :hug: always here for you. I'm your forum mum as always.

Only ever a pm away.....don't hesitate. X

[Cal.]

Oh babes! :love:

We all bloody love you here and you matter! I think it’s best to perhaps put your energy into having a better 2020. Give yourself some achievable goals and make yourself feel like you’re going somewhere. Idk I’m **** with advice luv but I love you!

[Ammi]

Oh babes! :love:

We all bloody love you here and you matter! I think it’s best to perhaps put your energy into having a better 2020. Give yourself some achievable goals and make yourself feel like you’re going somewhere. Idk I’m **** with advice luv but I love you!

...you just gave the most wonderful advice, in making small goals and drawing strength and self worth from achieving those goals...:love:..I won’t hear another word of you being rubbish with advice...

[Cherie]

I think you need to see your GP and get yourself some professional help BD, as well as some things you can do for yourself, decent diet, exercise, proper sleep, its a tough time of year as well that heightens everything as we are all supposed to be having a jolly time, and sometimes you just don't feel like being jolly

[Black Dagger]

Thanks for all the comments and all the advice. I will read through it all properly x

[bots]

I'm no expert, but fresh air and long walks have always helped me

[Crimson Dynamo]

Go see your doctor and get some professional help as that is what they trained for

[Braden]

I get it, Lucas. I've had the ****test year.

I wanted nothing more than to be where I am in life atm, but it's been a miserable time for me. Luckily, I am getting better, but that has a lot to do with the changes I have made in my life. The term 'be careful what you wish for' comes to mind. If anything, this year has reminded me to be grateful for what I have, and don't try to force anything into place as life will never work like that.

As others have said, please seek professional help. What you're describing sounds like depression; you don't want to live but you don't want to die - that's exactly what it is, just feeling empty. I've been there and it sucks, but the weird thing about depresson is there can always be a glimmer of hope. It can be the smallest thing that makes you happy, as long as it doesn't harm yourself or others. Mine was watching Louis Theroux documentaries, funnily enough. I was so depressed I couldn't even watch the television. I had horrific brain fog, which I still suffer from, but it got better. Slowly but surely, I have started to feel human again. You can, too. It takes time, so don't give up.

Ammi (who I just want to say has been a star throughout my own struggle :love:) has sent content from a website called Bored Panda, and they posted this which brightened me up the other day:

https://www.boredpanda.com/positive-news-2019-illustrations-mauro-gatti

[Josy]

Sorry you feel this way Lucas and I do really hope you feel a bit better about everything soon.

I've mentioned this to you in the past years ago but I'm sure that you suffer from S.A.D so I'm thinking, that coupled with you already feeling low about the year you've had is amplifying everything and making you feel even worse atm it only feels like things arent going to get better for you but stay strong and they will :hug:

[Kate!]

Bless you Josy and Braden and everyone else who has posted in this thread.

[Niamh.]

Sorry you feel that way Lucas and I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to share it here with us. You may not think you're important in this life but you are, dont give up :hug: try to speak to someone in real life too

[Black Dagger]

I get it, Lucas. I've had the ****test year.

I wanted nothing more than to be where I am in life atm, but it's been a miserable time for me. Luckily, I am getting better, but that has a lot to do with the changes I have made in my life. The term 'be careful what you wish for' comes to mind. If anything, this year has reminded me to be grateful for what I have, and don't try to force anything into place as life will never work like that.

As others have said, please seek professional help. What you're describing sounds like depression; you don't want to live but you don't want to die - that's exactly what it is, just feeling empty. I've been there and it sucks, but the weird thing about depresson is there can always be a glimmer of hope. It can be the smallest thing that makes you happy, as long as it doesn't harm yourself or others. Mine was watching Louis Theroux documentaries, funnily enough. I was so depressed I couldn't even watch the television. I had horrific brain fog, which I still suffer from, but it got better. Slowly but surely, I have started to feel human again. You can, too. It takes time, so don't give up.

Ammi (who I just want to say has been a star throughout my own struggle :love:) has sent content from a website called Bored Panda, and they posted this which brightened me up the other day:

https://www.boredpanda.com/positive-news-2019-illustrations-mauro-gatti

I will reply to everybody else in due course. But that website is fantastic. So thank you Ammi and to you for sharing x

[JerseyWins]

Everyone is worth something in this world. Listen to the advice in this thread. People have down moments, down years, down decades but there's always the chance to get (or find out) what they're looking for by not giving up and keep on pushing for it. Even though you may not feel a purpose right now you will be fine Lucas (and Morgan) :hug: :hug:

[Jigs]

I'm so sorry you feel like this but please know you are not alone. Those thoughts run through my mind too, even as recently as this morning. Life is an ongoing battle when we are experiencing the discrepancy between where we are currently and where we want to be. In some ways, I suppose it's a really productive trait to have considering that the desire for "more" only comes as a result of having great qualities like ambition, empathy and tenacity. 5 years ago if you'd have sent me to the future for me to witness all that I would have accomplished/where I'd be, I would have been overjoyed. But the reality of situations is far different and I have come to understand that this is part and parcel of what life is, and not to get too carried away with negative thoughts because they will honestly consume you from the inside out.

We owe it to ourselves to count our blessings and inject positivity into our lives wherever possible. Use this sense of tunnelvision that you experience when you focus on what's wrong, and channel it so that you are honing in on what's important and how you can use these thoughts to harness a more uplifting, positive energy.

Whatever you do, please know there are many, MANY people like you who are feeling similar to how you are feeling right now. And it's very brave to come out and say what you have said. After all, sharing with others is honestly the best therapy.

<3

[Braden]

I will reply to everybody else in due course. But that website is fantastic. So thank you Ammi and to you for sharing x

You're welcome, Lucas.

Also, another thing I wanted to add but forgot: we, as human beings, tend to over complicate life unnecessarily. If you're like me, things can get a bit hazy due to poor mental health. It's like my mind is on a permanent setting of over-thinking and catastrophising. However, writing my thoughts down helps me with that. I tend to articulate my thoughts better when I write them, and when I read them back I get a nice surprise by how rational they sound. My stream of conciousness is so attached to this feeling of anxiety and depression, which makes things worse. Though, it's not a cure - it's nice to just let it all out on paper.

What works for me might not work for you, however. It's just learning what coping mechanisms are best suited, until you get better.

[Amy Jade]

I'm so sorry you feel this way, I agree with some others suggesting you go see a GP as therapy may be the answer.

[Daniel.]

Sorry to hear about this Lucas. I genuinely hope you get through.

[James]

I'm bad at giving advise on topics like these, but I agree with others to go see your doctor, as there is a lot of help you can get.

There's also the option of private therapy and counsellors which has always struck me as not bad thing to spend some money on.

[Toy Soldier]

Getting counselling/therapy through your GP is very difficult these days, the waiting lists are huge, you'll be offered meds and/or CBT (both of which can of course be very helpful in the right circumstances). However if you KNOW that there is something specific that you need help to work through (either current or past trauma) then I agree with James; it may very well be worth spending a little on private counselling... even if you can only afford one session a month, it's better than nothing.

[Twosugars]

Getting counselling/therapy through your GP is very difficult these days, the waiting lists are huge, you'll be offered meds and/or CBT (both of which can of course be very helpful in the right circumstances). However if you KNOW that there is something specific that you need help to work through (either current or past trauma) then I agree with James; it may very well be worth spending a little on private counselling... even if you can only afford one session a month, it's better than nothing.

I can confirm that.
And even if you are lucky enough to get it it is only for a short time and then good bye regardless if you're better or not.
The only thing you can reliably get on nhs are antidepressants bc it's cheap.

[James]

You would likely have to wait to see a specialist but I do think there is a number of things they can offer, up to a certain point.

I think it's about knowing the right things to do after that to help yourself.

[caprimint]

Awww Lucas :( I'm sorry to hear that things are still **** for you.

I guess my only advice would be to try to do something different. Maybe find a different job if it's something that doesn't excite you or you're not really into... maybe spend more time with the people who make you happy? Go out and see new things/places, do activities that you enjoy, go to a nice restaurant/bar and try nice food/drinks?

I hope things get better soon, you're a great person :love:

[LaLaLand]

I have periods like this, I've suffered with severe bouts of anxiety/panic disorder and depression for the last decade and for the past 6+ months it's been worse than ever not going to lie. Just had an awful start to the year and it really affected me to the point where I was pretty much bed-bound around the middle of the year. Thankfully all came okay but the "trauma" still leaves a physical mark on people.

All I can say is (besides seeing a GP and asking for a referral for some sort of counsellor which I have and find really helpful) - nobody, even me who experiences it, can tell you how to get out of the weird funk you're in. It's different for everyone and you just have to find your own way of coping/getting through.

The best thing I find to do, is just keep busy - even little things like go for a walk around the block or something, interact with people, text/call someone and keep your brain "interested" in something. Get a hobby maybe (I recently did a portrait painting in oils for the first time and loved it, just an hour or two here and there). Even if it's the last thing you feel like you want to do, even if you have no energy, just do it. Get outside, fresh air etc. For me, that helps. Just kind of neutralises your mood, resets your thoughts and more importantly DISTRACTS you, that's the key. The worst thing you can do is just sit doing nothing and being totally inside your own head. It can be terrifying.

I hope your mood improves very soon and am always here to talk. Sometimes it's easier to talk to a total stranger. x