CBB Reborn: an entirely speculative simulation

[MB.]

https://i.imgur.com/myg7Dyh.png

With perennial rumours about a supposedly imminent (Celebrity) Big Brother return on Channel 4 flying around like gnats in the summer breeze, I thought I'd put together a semi-realistic cast for a prospective CBB reboot, and put them through the ever-entertaining BrantSteele machine (http://brantsteele.net/bigbrother/01/week01.php) to see what happens!

I've picked twelve celebrities from the worlds of TV, music, showbiz, comedy and social media who I imagine are all relevant enough to be booked on a Channel 4 reality show in 2020/desperate enough to agree to do a Channel 4 reality show in 2020. Who knows, perhaps it'd be a charity edition in the vein of Celebrity Bake Off, Celebrity Who Dares Wins, Celebrity The Island, Celebrity Gogglebox, Celebrity The Crystal Maze, Celebri... okay you can see where I'm going with this. Or perhaps these celebs are all really greedy and just they're doing it while their kitchens are being renovated a la Nadia Sawalha.

I terms of the actual simulator, I fiddled with the popularity and relationship settings to make the series as realistic as possible (which, considering it's a basic simulator without any twists or double evictions, is not very), and inserted some fun events that the celebs would presumably horrified to be associated with if they ever found out about this. I ran the simulator about a week ago, so believe it or not this isn't inspired by Morgan's Survivor simulation (and definitely isn't inspired by Nicky's Dancing with a Stars simulation, since that one doesn't exist), but I'm sure there's room on TiBB for more than one of these things!

oh yeah and Davina's the host, Rylan's in charge of the new and improved BBLB, Marcus has toned it down, I'm married to Dermot, etc etc, I'm not doing this thing in that much detail, don't worry

https://i.imgur.com/y7zhV96.png

[Shaun]

the brantsteele era <3

[Beso]

Dude..

Apart from there being no summer breeze for the gnats to be spun about like a crying child on the waltzer. The thought that davina would allow this is......


Well its just is..unbelivievable

[MB.]

The House

As the usual house is now, well, a pile of rubble, it's likely that the show would instead rent a house/apartment/Airbnb and rig it up with cameras, lighting equipment etc, so that the celebrities can get up to whichever antics they fancy inside. So here's a house! Specifically, it's a townhouse in Chelsea that I found on Rightmove. Let's hope the neighbours are Big Brother fans.

https://i.imgur.com/ma6t0Uh.pnghttps://i.imgur.com/I5EXIhF.pnghttps://i.imgur.com/4Ay67ed.png
https://i.imgur.com/bm3Nwdz.pnghttps://i.imgur.com/AEACyBo.pnghttps://i.imgur.com/HAL7pB9.png
https://i.imgur.com/1wXKIgw.pnghttps://i.imgur.com/0qFKwgw.pnghttps://i.imgur.com/sz3EUGT.png

[MB.]

Dude..

Apart from there being no summer breeze for the gnats to be spun about like a crying child on the waltzer. The thought that davina would allow this is......


Well its just is..unbelivievable

Davina actually took a break from filing her lawsuit against Brian Dowling to personally authorise this, I think you'll find

[Shaun]

London seem to go absolutely gaga over moss-covered walls; find them in pretty much every office building I work(ed) in

[Beso]

Was gonna say something about hair dye ads....but I love davina shes already forgiven...

Crack on, I will be watching.x

[MB.]

The Launch

(since all reality shows seem to be going the way of Love Island/The Circle in their filming style, and also due to the fact that this imaginary series is being filmed on a residential street and not at a massive TV studio, I would imagine that this isn't a live launch like we're used to. But feel free to picture whatever you want)

[MB.]

Housemate #1

https://i.imgur.com/j1ssHmk.png
https://i.imgur.com/AsE92Je.png

Age: 63
From: Morley, Yorkshire
Who?: Corrie's very own Liz McDonald and all-round telly icon
CBB archetype: I’m thinking either a more down to earth Rula Lenska, a less abrasive Julie Goodyear, or a more... well, entertaining Gillian Taylforth

[Morgan.]

The difference between this and my survivor one is that you can photoshop well and I’m ..... using the Remove Background tool on PowerPoint

[Beso]

Oh right..


It's not the ones in the link in your op..

Sounds good now.

[MB.]

The difference between this and my survivor one is that you can photoshop well and I’m ..... using the Remove Background tool on PowerPoint

Don't worry, you'll soon see the limits to my Photoshop (by which I mean Pixlr X, which is very much the Aldi own brand Photoshop) skills

[MB.]

Housemate #2

https://i.imgur.com/LzXyxHb.png
https://i.imgur.com/nfXnSLp.png

Age: 48
From: Limoges, France
Who?: maître d' on First Dates who has branched out into other television appearances (and become a bit of a Channel 4 staple in the process)
CBB archetype: why, Angelique “Frenchy” Morgan, of course (just kidding. I get Vinnie Jones/Martin Kemp-esque house patriarch vibes from him)

[MB.]

Housemate #3

https://i.imgur.com/tSTS9rg.png
https://i.imgur.com/2PSe6XR.png

Age: 22
From: Newcastle
Who?: Love Island winner who has gone on to become one of the show’s top earners
CBB archetype: since Channel 4 CBB didn’t really have a wide casting pool of successful reality TV stars to pick from, I’d say Amber’s archetype is best represented by a meta example, namely Chantelle Houghton

[Babayaro.]

love this :clap1:

[Babayaro.]

well, not love

i like it a good amount

[MB.]

Housemate #4

https://i.imgur.com/zp11ANu.png
https://i.imgur.com/wNHSI4j.png

Age: 30
From: London via West Bromwich
Who?: RuPaul's Drag Race UK finalist, soon-to-be Celebrity MasterChef contestant and queen of the battered sausage
CBB archetype: the immediate comparison would be Courtney Act, but more realistically I’d say a delightful combination of Kerry Katona and Heavy D

[MB.]

well, not love

i like it a good amount

I'd certainly recommend exercising caution

[Beso]

I feel the first fan club is about to happen.

[MB.]

Housemate #5

https://i.imgur.com/71ytn5X.png
https://i.imgur.com/TbBEnHG.png

Age: 25
From: Nantwich, Cheshire
Who?: former Strictly pro and wannabe fame*****
CBB archetype: H, Ollie Locke, Frankie Grande… no particular reason why

[Babayaro.]

if its vote to save, AJ gets the boot in a shock day 12 eviction. bookmark me.

[MB.]

Housemate #6

https://i.imgur.com/gf3Dmm8.png
https://i.imgur.com/kaJbh8n.png

Age: 30
From: Maldon, Essex
Who?: cleaning influencer, better known to her 3.5 million Instagram followers as Mrs Hinch
CBB archetype: as the nation's leading domestic goddess, it doesn’t feel inaccurate to label her the millennial’s Anthea Turner

[MB.]

if its vote to save, AJ gets the boot in a shock day 12 eviction. bookmark me.

BrantSteele only offers a vote to evict for some reason, but you can best believe that I set AJ's personality to the dullest settings possible

[Babayaro.]

BrantSteele only offers a vote to evict for some reason, but you can best believe that I set AJ's personality to the dullest settings possible

5th place in the final confirmed?

[MB.]

Housemate #7

https://i.imgur.com/hahZ2yY.png
https://i.imgur.com/8c4VJHl.png

Age: 60
From: Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Who?: exotic animal trainer, Tiger King star and polygamist cult leader
CBB archetype: the eccentric American chauvinist, in the great tradition of Dirk Benedict, Dennis Rodman and Stephen Baldwin

[MB.]

and yes, I photoshopped Doc Antle's head on a completely different body, thanks for noticing

[MB.]

Housemate #8

https://i.imgur.com/DhAzpIG.png
https://i.imgur.com/TP6Yn5o.png

Age: 52
From: London
Who?: right-wing columnist and radio presenter, most recently in the headlines for defending that guy who pissed on... sorry, next to a memorial plaque
CBB archetype: wants to be a Rachel Johnson, more accurately a Carole Malone with a slight dose of the Katie Hopkinses on the side

[Babayaro.]

"OFF OFF OFF"

[MB.]

Housemate #9

https://i.imgur.com/K8kNG6o.png
https://i.imgur.com/ZBNWUJ9.png

Age: 29
From: Manchester
Who?: grime artist, in the vein of Channel 4 casting relevant and successful chart stars (a trend which died the second the show moved to Channel 5)
CBB archetype: 2020 Kenzie (if Kenzie were a decent musician) and I guess since the closest thing to the modern grime scene that was prominent in the Channel 4/early Channel 5 days was the garage scene, feel free to pick either of the So Solid Crew housemates

[Babayaro.]

winner!

[MB.]

Housemate #10

https://i.imgur.com/yUoXqsn.png
https://i.imgur.com/bYQqvxZ.png

Age: 25
From: Birmingham
Who?: Model and social media star with over 14 million Instagram followers, and former ex of Tyga
CBB archetype: Since the most accurate mid-00s parallel to the modern model-slash-influencer is probably the archetype of the Page Three glamour model, Demi would join a long line of Jodie Marshes, Lucy Pinders and Lacey Banghards

[Beso]

Davina, slowly tapping her immaculately made up nails
on the casting meeting table.

[MB.]

Just imagine if the Instagram influencer trend had started a few years earlier and the Lucy Pinders of the world had ten million followers

[MB.]

Housemate #11

https://i.imgur.com/VU65TLg.png
https://i.imgur.com/3QJxcrz.png

Age: 38
From: Seattle/Los Angeles
Who?: YouTube beauty influencer, makeup artist, businesswoman and James Charles adversary
CBB archetype: the token American tabloid star (see Caprice, Tara Reid, Jasmine Waltz and Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff-Terwilliger-Hutz-McClure-Bouvier for further details on this archetype)

[Beso]

I think you should take davina name out of this in the op.


She would never take part in a revival if it was c5 esq

[MB.]

I think you should take davina name out of this in the op.


She would never take part in a revival if it was c5 esq

Here's what she said when asked if she would return the other day:

"Oh god, if they asked me to, yes," she confirmed. "Yes, of course, I would! You know, I've had 11 years off. It's Channel 4, which is kind of the home where I presented it before."

So I wouldn't be so sure! (unless she really hates Tati Westbrook that much)

[MB.]

also I'm pretending that this is on Channel 4 :laugh:

[MB.]

anyway, final housemate!

[MB.]

Housemate #12

https://i.imgur.com/bfvNN5A.png
https://i.imgur.com/JC2ySxr.png

Age: 60
From: London
Who?: legendary ‘80s comedian, actor and Whose Line Is It Anyway? star, who recently returned to the public eye to chronicle his battles with bipolar disorder, depression and alcoholism
CBB archetype: part jaded comedian (Jack Dee), part wisecracking intellectual (Ken Russell), part sage gay elder (Julian Clary)

[MB.]

I'll post the simulation results tomorrow (it gets... interesting), but until then here's the full cast of housemates:

https://i.imgur.com/y7zhV96.png

[MB.]

oh fine, you've all behaved yourselves so far so you can have the first few days early

[MB.]

https://i.imgur.com/myg7Dyh.png

Celebrity Big Brother 2020
Days 1-4

Day 1
All twelve housemates – Beverley, Fred, Amber, Baga, AJ, Sophie, Doc, Julia, Bugzy, Demi, Tati and Tony – enter the house.

https://i.imgur.com/7BuzOTl.png
ah, it’s like Big Brother’s never been away. I've missed this kind of thing!

Day 2
https://i.imgur.com/nWmpeqt.png
which makes today's "get to know your fellow housemates by open mouth kissing them all day" task that much more difficult.


https://i.imgur.com/OYW2KqP.png
let's get some relatives on BBLB to confirm or deny, shall we? *googles Barbara Newhall Follett* oh. I mean, I'm sure Demi could convincingly pass for an 106-year-old.

Day 3
https://i.imgur.com/9rU3vtr.png
atta girl. :love:

Day 4 + Nominations
https://i.imgur.com/MdQvdw8.png
hey, if it’s good enough for the Rt. Hon. Alan Johnson, it’s good enough for Baga Chipz MBE.


Later on, the housemates are called to the diary room one-by-one to nominate for the first time. The results are as follows:

AJ – Julia & Tati
Amber – Fred & Julia
Baga – Demi & Tati
Beverley – Doc & Julia
Bugzy – Tati & Julia
Demi – Bugzy & Doc
Doc – Bugzy & Beverley
Fred – Sophie & Tati
Julia – Tati & Sophie
Sophie – Tati & Doc
Tati – Bugzy & Tony
Tony – Tati & Doc

https://i.imgur.com/orN1FuJ.png

who goes? the simulator decides!

[Beso]

Apart from Ken Russel who was only mentioned cause he's gay..tony slattery is older than everyone else you compared him to..

We've seen them...yawn..


Tony would be class if he still had his old energy, or just his caustic and at times cruel wit.

But he wouldn't survive amongst the others.

[MB.]

Ken Russell was famously not gay

[Marsh.]

Ken Russel was gay?

[Marsh.]

:joker:

[Marsh.]

Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff-etc did CBB?

[MB.]

Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff-etc did CBB?

I can't believe you've blocked out the seminal CBB8 from your long-term memory

[Greg!]

housemate #8

https://i.imgur.com/dhazpig.png
https://i.imgur.com/tp6yn5o.png

age: 52
from: london
who?: right-wing columnist and radio presenter, most recently in the headlines for defending that guy who pissed on... Sorry, next to a memorial plaque
cbb archetype: wants to be a rachel johnson, more accurately a carole malone with a slight dose of the katie hopkinses on the side


booooooo!!!! Who are ya! Who are ya!

[Morgan.]

Loving this MB :love:

[MB.]

booooooo!!!! Who are ya! Who are ya!

Luckily she's up for eviction already, so if you're willing to venmo me a year's wages worth of votes against her then I'll be more than happy to accept (ignoring the very minor fact that I simulated all the results a week ago and you would be in a good position to sue me)

Loving this MB :love:

Ta Morgan!

[Greg!]

Ugh if this lineup was real it would be amazing :love:

Also kind of semi-realistic for Channel 4?

[Marsh.]

I can't believe you've blocked out the seminal CBB8 from your long-term memory

OMG she shared a house with Kez Katona, Jedward and Tara Reid? WHY don't I remember that?

[MB.]

Ugh if this lineup was real it would be amazing :love:

Also kind of semi-realistic for Channel 4?

lol thanks :love: I tried to translate the casting archetypes from Channel 4 CBB over to today's celeb culture climate the best I could, and I think all that's really missing is a dodgy politician and a random American pop star thirty years past their prime?

[MB.]

Only ones I don’t like are AJ (I never want him near CBB) and Amber (nothing against her but I disagree with love islanders on it)
Not to discredit this because I love it

Ah, so you're the one who pitched the tent up outside the house and is repeating "AJ is a tosser" through a megaphone on a loop

[madman411]

Love it. Only thing I'd change is re-incorporating the Eatock eye and not using an existing house.

[Samm]

the way demi is winning

[MB.]

I'll post the next two days while we're at it, shall I

[MB.]

https://i.imgur.com/myg7Dyh.png

Celebrity Big Brother 2020
Days 5 & 6

Day 5
https://i.imgur.com/SPnfZ6t.png
and if rumours are to believed, that’s not the only thing he has in common with a horse (https://www.celebsnow.co.uk/latest-celebrity-news/strictly-come-dancing-willy-war-712447) (yes, we’re doing tasks where housemates reenact classic British plays now, we’re acting extra highbrow to counteract everything that happened on Channel 5).


https://i.imgur.com/bhpJ13x.png
honestly, what is this episode, Big Brother Goes to the Zoo?

Day 6 + Eviction
https://i.imgur.com/3evSPTA.png
unfortunately they spend two hours beforehand arguing over who gets to be Gaga and who gets to be Ari, by which point the rain had stopped and the sun had come out. :( #kindnesspunk


That night, the housemates gather to find out which one of Doc, Julia and Tati will be the first person voted out of the Celebrity Big Brother house...

...

...

...


https://i.imgur.com/H7d62KJ.png

Julia!

(yes, BrantSteele says "banished" instead of evicted, don't worry, you'll get used to it)

in her exit interview with Davina, Julia apologises for her offensive comment about Channel 4 viewers, and says that she instead meant to refer to them as inbred cat-shaggers.

[Mitchell]

Luckily she's up for eviction already, so if you're willing to venmo me a year's wages worth of votes against her then I'll be more than happy to accept



Vanessa :love:

[Shaun]

I had forgotten my love for Tony Slattery, lovely man :love: I can see this being semi-realistic with the exceptions of Tati (surely too long away from a steady revenue) and perhaps Fred (no particular reason, just don't see him being the sort for the show)

[Black Dagger]

What a first boot. The crank.

[Cal.]

This is ICONIC :clap1:

[MB.]

https://i.imgur.com/myg7Dyh.png

Celebrity Big Brother 2020
Days 7-9

Day 7 + Nominations
https://i.imgur.com/ObjQhI8.png
I can't imagine such a cruel prank would have made the condition of Baga's heart much betta.


Later on, the housemates are called to the diary room one-by-one to nominate. The results are as follows:

AJ – Tati & Doc
Amber – Doc & Fred
Baga – AJ & Tati
Beverley – Tati & Baga
Bugzy – Baga & Doc
Demi – Baga & Doc
Doc – Demi & Tati
Fred – Amber & Tati
Sophie – Tati & Fred
Tati – Fred & AJ
Tony – Demi & Tati

https://i.imgur.com/kn3tttF.png

who goes? the simulator decides!

Day 8
https://i.imgur.com/5vPWkCy.png
defund the police, and abolish The One Show while you're at it!

Day 9 + Eviction
as today is Baga's birthday, the housemates celebrate RuPaul Day in the house...

https://i.imgur.com/pZnceqo.png
...a holiday which incorporates both the good...

https://i.imgur.com/NZnzcp3.png
...and the bad.


Later that night, the housemates gather to find out which of Doc and Tati will become the second person voted out of the Celebrity Big Brother house...

...

...

...


https://i.imgur.com/zMWIUaX.png

Tati!

Tati is surprised to find James Charles and Angela Rippon waiting for her outside the house, both wielding truncheons and copies of their respective telephone bills.

[Mitchell]

And what an oil rig that is...

[Nicky91]

apart from you dissing me in the OP, good to see you are having fun with this MB :love: :love:

:hug:

[Babayaro.]

apart from you dissing me in the OP, good to see you are having fun with this MB :love: :love:

:hug:

King of being civil

[MB.]

-scraps "The Daily Star reveals a bitter lifelong feud between Tony and Nicky91" from this week's events-

[MB.]

https://i.imgur.com/myg7Dyh.png

Celebrity Big Brother 2020
Days 10-13

Day 10
https://i.imgur.com/nNo3wbT.png
that neighbour's name? Albert Einstein. :love:


https://i.imgur.com/xoBygp9.png
Amber and Demi are quickly becoming one of this house's most prominent double acts, right up there with Sophie and feather dusters, AJ and mirrors, and Doc and polygamy!

Day 11 + Nominations
https://i.imgur.com/ajFvW5n.png
Tony is obviously Charley in this scenario, just fyi.


Later in the day, the housemates are called to the diary room one-by-one to nominate for the third time. The results are as follows:

AJ – Tony & Doc
Amber – Doc & AJ
Baga – AJ & Doc
Beverley – Doc & AJ
Bugzy – Doc & Sophie
Demi – Doc & Beverley
Doc – AJ & Tony
Fred – Demi & Amber
Sophie – Doc & Beverley
Tony – AJ & Doc

https://i.imgur.com/N9WK9ry.png

who goes? the simulator decides (that it's probably not going to be AJ, let's be honest)!

Day 12
https://i.imgur.com/Yy7DiND.png
for context, today's task is to rank evil historical figures in order of most to least atrocities committed. thanks to Beverley's strong will, Cilla ends up somewhere between Pol Pot and the guy who wrote the Sheila's Wheels jingle.

Day 13 + Eviction
https://i.imgur.com/vEVjuPi.png
which won't make Bugzy's eventual BBLB interview with Rylan, Ainsley's replacement, awkward in the slightest (#Justice4TheHarriott).


Later that night, the housemates gather to find out which of AJ and Doc will be the third person voted out of the Celebrity Big Brother house...

...

...

...


https://i.imgur.com/cRyinFC.png

Doc!

after he leaves the house, Doc is shocked to find out that Channel 4 couldn't get the rights to Tiger King references from Netflix, so all of his juicy stories about Carole Baskin and Joe Exotic's secret love affair were cut from the show. oh, and he also tries to propose to Davina.

[Babayaro.]

that neighbour's name? Albert Einstein. :love:


nnnnnn

[Mitchell]

Magical

[Shaun]

the Demi/Amber friendship must be the most powerful Instagram collaboration of all time

[MB.]

the Demi/Amber friendship must be the most powerful Instagram collaboration of all time

the hottest duo in Honduras indeed!

[Marsh.]

Get bev out! Get bev out!

[MB.]

Keep Janice in! Keep Janice in!

[MB.]

https://i.imgur.com/myg7Dyh.png

Celebrity Big Brother 2020
Days 14-16

Day 14 + Nominations
https://i.imgur.com/GsHiidi.png
luckily for our Mrs Hinch, I'm pretty sure Chromatica is included in the list of new travel corridors, so she'll be able to go on her hols there very soon. if I remember correctly, she'll need to catch a connecting flight at Babylon Airport?


https://i.imgur.com/BuETtPf.png
the worst part is that he's learning the Say So routine, which must be a good six months old at this point. disgusteng!


Later on, the housemates are called to the diary room once again to give their nominations:

AJ – Tony & Fred
Amber – AJ & Fred
Baga – Fred & Demi
Beverley – Demi & Sophie
Bugzy – Beverley & Fred
Demi – Tony & Fred
Fred – Beverley & AJ
Sophie – Fred & Beverley
Tony – Amber & AJ

https://i.imgur.com/QkCQrGw.png

who goes? and will Marsh's wish to #GetBevOut come true? the simulator decides!

Day 15
https://i.imgur.com/1TAd2NA.png
some shockingly blatant pandering to the crucial Liz Jones demographic now that she's up for eviction! I can see right through you, Callard!

Day 16 + Eviction
https://i.imgur.com/kz7235b.png
casualties lost in the fire include AJ's favourite mirror, Bugzy's fracking rig and Demi Rose Mawby. luckily the production line managed to manufacture a replacement Demi just in time and the show was able to continue filming.


Later that night, the housemates return to the house, where they gather to find out which of AJ, Beverley and Fred will be the fourth person voted out...

...

...

...


https://i.imgur.com/ca2mZVr.png

Fred!

Fred proves that he's definitely not up-to-date on his TikTok knowledge by doing a full 180, Dua Lipa style, on his way out of the house. a nation of Gen Zers sighs despondently.

[Marsh.]

Not Fred. :(

[Babayaro.]

AJ's getting a little too big for his boots, I reckon?

[MB.]

AJ's getting a little too big for his boots, I reckon?

Not you getting Bugzy and Stormzy mixed up

[Babayaro.]

Not you getting Bugzy and Stormzy mixed up

Leave m(e)alone

[Babayaro.]

:/

[MB.]

Leave m(e)alone

Not you getting yourself mixed up with comedian Tony Slattery!

[Babayaro.]

Not you getting yourself mixed up with comedian Tony Slattery!

Slattery will get you nowhere

[MB.]

Slattery will get you nowhere

:oh:

[MB.]

https://i.imgur.com/myg7Dyh.png

Celebrity Big Brother 2020
Days 17-20

Day 17
https://i.imgur.com/GVtPD8M.png
he didn't even realise there were cameras until the other night.



Day 18 + Nominations
On Day 18, the housemates nominate for the fifth time. As you might expect, they are all well acquainted with the process at this point, and should have no troubl-

https://i.imgur.com/HwmdGVd.png
oh Baga.


The results are as follows:

AJ – Beverley & Tony
Amber – Beverley & AJ
Baga – Sophie & AJ
Beverley – Demi & Sophie
Bugzy – Amber & Beverley
Demi – Baga & Beverley
Sophie – Demi & Beverley
Tony – AJ & Demi

https://i.imgur.com/POL51PK.png

who goes? the simulator decides, assuming it can remember their names!

Day 19
https://i.imgur.com/dDjik8c.png
luckily for AJ, today's secret task is for the entire house to ignore Beverley. they pass with flying colours, and as a reward AJ wins a photo of himself.

Day 20 + Eviction
https://i.imgur.com/ro3R0jC.png
hey, it's a common mistake to make. I'm more worried that they left out Sophie accidentally wiping down the kitchen worktops with Aperol spritz.


Later that night, the housemates gather to find out which of AJ, Beverley and Demi will become the fifth person voted out of the Celebrity Big Brother house...

...

...

...


https://i.imgur.com/iboSpUi.png

Demi!

Amber weeps as Demi leaves, both for the loss of her friend and the loss of countless potential brand sponsorship deals. as she sits down for her interview, Davina remarks that Demi's yellow mini dress smells faintly of Heinz mustard.

[Mitchell]

Amber and Mrs Hinch is coming

[Babayaro.]

Im gonna start calling AJ "Halfwit" LOL! :p

[Shaun]

Amber and Mrs Hinch is coming

Amba Chipz outsold

[Mitchell]

Amba Chipz outsold

Lets hope AJ doesn't get to Baga first :p

[MB.]

https://i.imgur.com/myg7Dyh.png

Celebrity Big Brother 2020
Days 21-23

Day 21 + Nominations
https://i.imgur.com/0hzUoyY.png
when will Tony learn that Slattery gets you nowh- oh wait Marc already did that pun, ignore me.


Later on, the housemates nominate for the sixth time; in a twist to the usual format, they do so face-to-face. The results are as follows:

AJ – Tony & Amber
Amber – Tony & AJ
Baga – Beverley & Tony
Beverley – AJ & Sophie
Bugzy – AJ & Tony
Sophie – Beverley & AJ
Tony – AJ & Amber

https://i.imgur.com/qPvvssq.png

who goes? the simulator decides!

Day 22
the crew forget to switch on the cameras at the start of the day, resulting in no footage being recorded. in place of that night's highlights show, Channel 4 air clips of various celebrities and public figures lip syncing to the Michelle Bass song Must Be the Music for an hour. eleven and a half million viewers tune in and the broadcast is nominated for a television BAFTA.

Day 23 + Eviction
https://i.imgur.com/Wm7P2t2.png
meanwhile, Amber's agent's phone is ringing off the hook with endorsement offers from garlic press brands.


That night, the housemates gather to find out which of AJ and Tony will be the sixth person voted out of the Celebrity Big Brother house...

...

...

...


https://i.imgur.com/jtZdAYj.png

AJ!

the MOR3 is defeated. :love:

[Babayaro.]

Turns out Slattery does get you somewhere!

[Mitchell]

Tony wins tbh

[MB.]

https://i.imgur.com/myg7Dyh.png

Celebrity Big Brother 2020
Days 24-25

Day 24
https://i.imgur.com/BQW7j1q.png
no offence but I think I'll stick with my Gothy Thee Stallion collab.


https://i.imgur.com/cHdXqGk.png
the people demand a Parasite remake starring Victoria Jensen as the housekeeper this instant!!

Day 25 (Finale)
who wins? the simulator decides! (although since the simulator follows the BB1/BB2 format of nominations up until the final four, leaving only three people on finale night, I've conflated the remaining evictions into a six-person final. Just imagine that the eviction percentages below are replaced by increasing large chunks of a vote to win)

leaving in sixth place...

...

https://i.imgur.com/lv6rRmy.png

Sophie!

guess she didn't clean up in the votes (...I'll get my coat).


in fifth place...

...

https://i.imgur.com/Qvpmstb.png

Baga!

thereby placing lower than she did on Drag Race UK, a feat that I believe is known in CBB lore as "pulling a Frankie Grande".


fourth place is...

...

https://i.imgur.com/dJyzXnA.png

Tony!

in case you were wondering, he was up against the previous two evictees in head-to-head evictions, making him and AJ this year's eviction cockroaches. and who's the only person who could defeat a cockroach? why, a Bug(zy), of course.


the final three:

https://i.imgur.com/vujkh0n.png

the last time we saw a man next to two women like this, it was Doc Antle's vow renewal ceremony.

finishing in third...

...

https://i.imgur.com/Bxd1SQi.png

Bugzy!

Liz from Corrie has more youth appeal than one of the UK's biggest grime artists confirmedt?


in the words of Ginger Minj, let's get this over with. the winner?

...

https://i.imgur.com/6QomMm2.png

[Marsh.]

Not The Callard winning.

[MB.]

Final eviction order:

https://i.imgur.com/lg4g0je.png
https://i.imgur.com/wNDEJyI.png
https://i.imgur.com/do4ZMa5.png

well that was a thing that will probably never happen! voila!

[MB.]

Not The Callard winning.

Not you of all people wasting your hard-earned money voting for a Love Island contestant to try and prevent The Callard winning!

[Mitchell]

Absolute icon :love:

Well done on a great series MB, would love another

[Shaun]

well it was quite a realistic CBB in that my favourite two finalists ended up in 5th and 4th, so that's something

[MB.]

Absolute icon :love:

Well done on a great series MB, would love another

lol thanks :love: I'll get on the phone with Channel 4's director of programming *checks notes* "Ian Katz", who is definitely a man and not three cats stacked in a trench coat, to explore the likelihood of a renewal!

well it was quite a realistic CBB in that my favourite two finalists ended up in 5th and 4th, so that's something

But did any of the top three get a #1 single out of their experience? I think not! (I imagine Tony would be less musically inclined, so instead he'll be bringing out a weekly podcast with Tati Westbrook)

[Babayaro.]

*boo hiss hiss boo*

[Babayaro.]

thanks for doing this, Em Bee! :love: