Friendship Advice

[aaronneely2017]

So I had to cut ties with a friend back in November, the friend was possessive and manipulative and always had a tendency to guilt trip me and other friends alot.

2 and a half months later he now wants to call me as he claims to have realised how awful he's been.

I've never really had a situation like this before, in one hand I'm willing to listen to what he has to say and try and find a way to build a bridge. On the other hand I really dont know what his true intentions may be, like i said he can be very manipulative and he may only be wanting to make ammends due to the other friends (inc his so called best friend that he fell out with no long ago) that have had to cut ties with him aswell due to his toxic behaviour. He may think because he has no one left that he has to get try and get back with us

I dont know what to think tbh i just cannot be assed with any drama and would rather just live without it in my life.

[UserSince2005]

Block him on social media. He will get the message.

[Smithy]

Personally I’d give them a second chance, but if you feel like they haven’t changed then drop them immediately

[LeatherTrumpet]

Lol. Ditch and run

This leopard has got his spots

[Cherie]

I dont know what to think tbh i just cannot be assed with any drama and would rather just live without it in my life.

I think you answered your own question there, like you could give him another shot if you missed his company otherwise no

[Janet Jackson]

I don’t see what you have to lose giving them another shot so long as you don’t invest yourself in it. Call them out the first sign they be acting up

[_Seth]

I'd give them a second chance but not give them my trust back. If they even vaguely start acting like before, point it out sternly but politely AF!

[Conzors]

Hmmm tricky.
It’s so much harder to not speak to someone that it is to just be friendly with them, but it does come a time where enough is enough!

I would maybe give him a second chance but keep your wits about you, and look out for any red flags. It’s difficult when you’re in a group of friends too but I’m sure now you know he’s manipulative you can clock the signs and just remove yourself as and when.

Keep em sweet enough to lick but not to eat - that’s my motto.

[Ammi]

...it’s really difficult Aaron, to be any help with this because you’ve obviously said a bit why the friendship had ended..him being possessive and manipulative etc...?...and those are good reasons to decide not to continue with a friendship for sure....but only you know the reasons why the friendship sustained and what it meant to you and whether it’s something that you’d like to continue with him on different terms...it would feel a bit doomed if there is no level of trust, though...and it is something that you can talk over with other friends in your confidence for their thoughts as they know you both...but the decision will still be yours...good luck with whatever you decide, Aaron...:love:..

[aaronneely2017]

Thanks so much guys for all the feedback.

I do agree the best decision probably would be to give the friend a second chance and see if his behaviour does change. What makes this hard is that its been 3 months since I had to cut him off and I've been really happy moving on with life and just want to get on with things now without any drama. Losing him for good isnt a bad thing tbh the friendship we had before did feel very forced but at the same time the best thing I can possibly do for the benefit of the group Im in his to make ammends with this person but not be close friends in any way.

Again thank you all for your help :love:

[_Seth]

Keep us updated. :)

[Toy Soldier]

To throw in my two cents :joker:

2nd chances yes, 3rd+ chances no. If you made it clear that the 2nd chance was dependant on them changing their behavior with you and they don't manage to do it, then they will NEVER do it.

But also, even for second chances, only if you actually want the friendship and get something out of it. Don't feel like you have to be friends with someone because you "feel bad for them", if that friendship is nothing but a drain on you.

[Ammi]

...it sounds as though you’re in a completely different emotional place and obviously aware of the possessiveness and manipulation, Aaron...so it’ll be an entirely different friendship with that awareness...?...hopefully it’ll be something that can thrive this time for all of you as opposed to being stifling in any way...good luck to you and your whole friendship group...:hug:...

[hijaxers]

So I had to cut ties with a friend back in November, the friend was possessive and manipulative and always had a tendency to guilt trip me and other friends alot.

2 and a half months later he now wants to call me as he claims to have realised how awful he's been.

I've never really had a situation like this before, in one hand I'm willing to listen to what he has to say and try and find a way to build a bridge. On the other hand I really dont know what his true intentions may be, like i said he can be very manipulative and he may only be wanting to make ammends due to the other friends (inc his so called best friend that he fell out with no long ago) that have had to cut ties with him aswell due to his toxic behaviour. He may think because he has no one left that he has to get try and get back with us

I dont know what to think tbh i just cannot be assed with any drama and would rather just live without it in my life.

Its a dilemma , i had a friend who i let back in twice and the 3rd time she did it i had had enough , she wanted to apologise again but i knew it would only happen again. Sometimes you just have to move on ~ do what is right for you and go with your gut feeling, sometimes people do change and if thats the case with your ex friend they can meet new friends who hopefully they will treat better than you and yours.

[Jordan.]

From what you wrote it doesn't sound like you have missed having this person in your life so you'd just be reconciling for their sake.

[Ammi]

Its a dilemma , i had a friend who i let back in twice and the 3rd time she did it i had had enough , she wanted to apologise again but i knew it would only happen again. Sometimes you just have to move on ~ do what is right for you and go with your gut feeling, sometimes people do change and if thats the case with your ex friend they can meet new friends who hopefully they will treat better than you and yours.

...I guess that people can change, Jax...but in my own experience and in my own thoughts etc..?..it’s less that people change as such but more that we can still find a place in our friendships but in a different way, not in the same way the friendship was before, though ...but redefined, you know...but that’s not always possible or appropriate for us either ...like so many and most things, these things can be so layered and complicated...well, that could be humans making them layered and complicated as well...:laugh:..

[aaronneely2017]

Well i just got a message from my ex-friend asking for a chat sometime in the week, i agreed to speak with him tomorrow after college, so we shall see how it goes, thanks again so much for the advice guys <3

[hijaxers]

Well i just got a message from my ex-friend asking for a chat sometime in the week, i agreed to speak with him tomorrow after college, so we shall see how it goes, thanks again so much for the advice guys <3

Good luck, just be true to yourself and see how it goes.

[Ammi]

...Aaron...:love:..let us know, yeah...?...whatever you decide will be the right decision for you, I’m sure...

[aaronneely2017]

Right well i just had the chat with the friend a couple of hours ago...
Overall it went down as a friendly civilised conversation despite all the excuses and the sympathy mongering. I did tell him in the end that I would be happy to make ammends and there be no hard feelings however not to continue the friendship.

It was actually not very easy saying those last words, I didnt really like doing it but in the end I had to do what was best for myself for once and not whats best for other people.

Thanks again so much for the advice guys your all stars! <3

[Ammi]

...I can understand that it wasn’t an easy thing for you, Aaron ...the friendship obviously meant a lot to you and had significant in your life...you won’t lose any positives it gave you, you’ll carry those with you ...we won’t keep all of our friendships forever but we will keep those friendship experiences and they’ll have their value to us in what we take from them...you met them on your own terms and made your own decision and that’s a good thing...no ‘what ifs’ etc...you made the choice that felt right for you...:hug:...

[aaronneely2017]

Update
A few days after I had the phone call with the ex-friend, I had a chat with one of my best friends who was also talking to him hoping to potentially make amends. Well it turns out despite the amount of brown-nosing he was doing on Tuesday during our call that he apparently never gave a **** about me in the first place and it was all to try and make him look good. I actually felt really guilty about deciding to cut ties with him but now after hearing that Im very much glad I did!

What makes it even worse for him that he was talking **** about my best friend to me who he was also trying to make up with aswell.

[hijaxers]

Update
A few days after I had the phone call with the ex-friend, I had a chat with one of my best friends who was also talking to him hoping to potentially make amends. Well it turns out despite the amount of brown-nosing he was doing on Tuesday during our call that he apparently never gave a **** about me in the first place and it was all to try and make him look good. I actually felt really guilty about deciding to cut ties with him but now after hearing that Im very much glad I did!

What makes it even worse for him that he was talking **** about my best friend to me who he was also trying to make up with aswell.

Walk away knowing you tried , stay with the friends who really are friends and look at him as an aquaintance and just move on, these things happen and help us sort the wheat from the chaff.

[AnnieK]

Sounds like you made the right decision. He is no loss by the sounds of it. :love:

[Ammi]

Update
A few days after I had the phone call with the ex-friend, I had a chat with one of my best friends who was also talking to him hoping to potentially make amends. Well it turns out despite the amount of brown-nosing he was doing on Tuesday during our call that he apparently never gave a **** about me in the first place and it was all to try and make him look good. I actually felt really guilty about deciding to cut ties with him but now after hearing that Im very much glad I did!

What makes it even worse for him that he was talking **** about my best friend to me who he was also trying to make up with aswell.

...I think that you would have always been left with some ‘what ifs’ and open to possible regrets, Aaron...if you hadn’t made that decision to speak to him...it’s because you did make it, that it’s led you to being able to walk away from the friendship with complete closure and completely knowing that you’re doing the right thing....the friendship with this person is obviously not an ‘equal friendship of respect’ and one for you to pass through in your life, rather than keep with you going forward...I’m sorry that you’ve experienced the disappointments that you have with that friendship..:hug:..but huge respect that you were willing to see if it could indeed be saved...:love:..