Married TiBBers: is a close friend essentially confiding in your spouse as well?

[Redway]

Do you tell each-other literally everything (including friends’ secrets) or is the principle of confidentiality too unwaveringly strong for you to bend it for your other half’s sake?

[Zizu]

Do you tell each-other literally everything (including friends’ secrets) or is the principle of confidentiality too unwaveringly strong for you to bend it for your other half’s sake?


We have ZERO secrets , a shared bank account , never had a night apart and never gone to bed on an argument ..

We have been together 46 years !!


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[thesheriff443]

We have ZERO secrets , a shared bank account , never had a night apart and never gone to bed on an argument ..

We have been together 46 years !!


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She is a bloody good liar 😂

[Niamh.]

Not really, I tell him most things but I wouldn't tell him something a friend told me that might be embarrassing for her if Gav knew or she just didnt want me to tell him. Honestly he doesn't want to know all my friends secrets either (not that there's too many)

[bots]

Define everything :laugh:

It's a physical impossibility to share every minutiae of each others "external" experiences . All anyone can do is make an objective summary that your partner will find engaging

[Redway]

Define everything :laugh:

It's a physical impossibility to share every minutiae of each others "external" experiences . All anyone can do is make an objective summary that your partner will find engaging

You don’t need to tell your partner personal things to do with other people just because they might find it engaging.

[thesheriff443]

A retired nurse told me once that the doctor he was working for let him do the operation on a patient instead of the doctor doing it

[Zizu]

She is a bloody good liar [emoji23]


What ?


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[Zizu]

Define everything :laugh:

It's a physical impossibility to share every minutiae of each others "external" experiences . All anyone can do is make an objective summary that your partner will find engaging


Agreed


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[thesheriff443]

What ?


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I’m just playing with you.

[Mystic Mock]

I'm not married obviously.

But if I was, then it would depend on what it was that the friend had told me, because if it's something that's going to negatively impact my Wife, then I would have to tell her.

[bots]

You don’t need to tell your partner personal things to do with other people just because they might find it engaging.

well, i do :laugh:

[Redway]

well, i do :laugh:

I pity the people who choose to confide in you. The people whose confidential records you access at work. Disgusting.

[bots]

I pity the people who choose to confide in you. The people whose confidential records you access at work. Disgusting.

You have no idea mate.

There is a difference between sharing information from a friend that has no legal standing and documents with a legal security classification. If I did the latter i would have been in jail. I actually dealt with such things in my distant past and I know the law

[Ammi]

Not really, I tell him most things but I wouldn't tell him something a friend told me that might be embarrassing for her if Gav knew or she just didnt want me to tell him. Honestly he doesn't want to know all my friends secrets either (not that there's too many)

…similar to this…he wouldn’t really expect or want to know confidences and the same with his friends, for any confidences that he holds with them… but the same also in that there aren’t that many things or situations with friends that I could recall specifically not to tell him as many friends talk to him as much as they talk to me about some personal stuff….if a friend said to me ‘don’t tell…’…there would be a very good and specific reason for saying that so I obviously wouldn’t tell…

[Redway]

You have no idea mate.

There is a difference between sharing information from a friend that has no legal standing and documents with a legal security classification. If I did the latter i would have been in jail. I actually dealt with such things in my distant past and I know the law

So information has to have legal standing before you acknowledge its integrity and the integrity of the teller?

[MTVN]

I pity the people who choose to confide in you. The people whose confidential records you access at work. Disgusting.

https://media.licdn.com/dms/image/C4D12AQEphnqiJ-9Fmg/article-cover_image-shrink_600_2000/0/1591009716826?e=2147483647&v=beta&t=dNO7l1QiOzC7jeqhTAcwtPDIU5yWOqq0Z2YBXrmrbMY

[thesheriff443]

The thing is people will not only share secrets but will use them to hurt others and take advantage of what they have been told

Some people use what they have been told to make themselves seem a better person to others

We have all heard the saying
I wouldn’t trust them as far as I could throw them

[smudgie]

.

In general then no I wouldn’t.
If it is something the kids ask me not to tell their dad then that’s different, I will tell him whatever it is IFhe needs to know, on condition he never mentions it to them.

[Livia]

It depends. We have no secrets, it'd have to be a pretty big secret from a very close friend who'd asked me specifically not to tell him. I can't see a close friend putting me in that position, though.

[user104658]

Did this really warrant a whole new thread Redway :joker:.

You have no idea mate.

There is a difference between sharing information from a friend that has no legal standing and documents with a legal security classification. If I did the latter i would have been in jail. I actually dealt with such things in my distant past and I know the law

This is all an offshoot of another thread we've been having a disagreement on regarding these things, Redway from what I can tell is really struggling to grasp the difference between a sharing of minds in a close, long-term relationship with vast levels of trust... and "gossip-sharing with a friend".

And also appears to not know that professionals of all kinds absolutely DO share vast amounts of other people's personal experience (with identifying personal details redacted) for education & training purposes.

[user104658]

If it helps at all Redway, I did have a ponder with my wife about the discussion in the other thread, and we mutually agreed that if it was something very personal told in confidence we wouldn't share it IF there was no clear reason to share it (e.g. concern for the person's wellbeing) AND it was a mutual friend or someone we both had a personal connection with.

The example given was, if a friend of mine told me something that would affect his relationship in some way, and my wife was also friends with said-friend's wife, we'd keep that to ourselves because sharing it would put the other person in the awkward position (in this scenario, it would mean my wife would have to keep information from her friend that they would want to know, so it would be better if she just didn't know it).

And as I said in the other thread we'd never share anything that's legally confidential without "identifying details redacted".

So there are exceptions but for the mostpart I stand with what I said before... we discuss things, all sorts of things, that we've encountered independently out in the world, all the time. I don't know why that concept angers/frustrates you as much as it does.

[Niamh.]

If it helps at all Redway, I did have a ponder with my wife about the discussion in the other thread, and we mutually agreed that if it was something very personal told in confidence we wouldn't share it IF there was no clear reason to share it (e.g. concern for the person's wellbeing) AND it was a mutual friend or someone we both had a personal connection with.

The example given was, if a friend of mine told me something that would affect his relationship in some way, and my wife was also friends with said-friend's wife, we'd keep that to ourselves because sharing it would put the other person in the awkward position (in this scenario, it would mean my wife would have to keep information from her friend that they would want to know, so it would be better if she just didn't know it).

And as I said in the other thread we'd never share anything that's legally confidential without "identifying details redacted".

So there are exceptions but for the mostpart I stand with what I said before... we discuss things, all sorts of things, that we've encountered independently out in the world, all the time. I don't know why that concept angers/frustrates you as much as it does.

Ok here's another hypothetical scenario for you, what if a friend of yours had a very personal "male" issue that he wanted advice on from a close male friend but clearly he wouldn't want your wife knowing about it, would you tell her?

[bots]

if a friend shares something with you and asks you not to share that with your partner, they are placing an unreasonable expectation on you. If they don't want the information to spread, don't share it

[Redway]

Did this really warrant a whole new thread Redway :joker:.



This is all an offshoot of another thread we've been having a disagreement on regarding these things, Redway from what I can tell is really struggling to grasp the difference between a sharing of minds in a close, long-term relationship with vast levels of trust... and "gossip-sharing with a friend".

And also appears to not know that professionals of all kinds absolutely DO share vast amounts of other people's personal experience (with identifying personal details redacted) for education & training purposes.

Yes. It’s not all about you.

[Redway]

if a friend shares something with you and asks you not to share that with your partner, they are placing an unreasonable expectation on you. If they don't want the information to spread, don't share it

You seem to have a poor understanding of confidentiality anyway. Your argument for breaching it in bed is that your OH may find it engaging.

[Niamh.]

if a friend shares something with you and asks you not to share that with your partner, they are placing an unreasonable expectation on you. If they don't want the information to spread, don't share it

No they're not, not unless it's something that could effect you or your partner in some way. If it's something personal to that friend and about their life, it's not at all unreasonable to ask a close friend to keep it to themselves. I would never expect Gav to break a confidence like that with his own friends just to tell me something about their life that doesn't effect me at all, and vice versa. There's not a lot of instances where something like that actually even happens but I really don't see any issue with this at all. The girlfriend bond is sacred too imo

[Redway]

No they're not, not unless it's something that could effect you or your partner in some way. If it's something personal to that friend and about their life, it's not at all unreasonable to ask a close friend to keep it to themselves. I would never expect Gav to break a confidence like that with his own friends just to tell me something about their life that doesn't effect me at all, and vice versa. There's not a lot of instances where something like that actually even happens but I really don't see any issue with this at all. The girlfriend bond is sacred too imo

Let’s make sure BOTS doesn’t volunteer for Samaritans or have a catalogue of friends who put their trust in them:

[Niamh.]

Let’s make sure BOTS doesn’t volunteer for Samaritans or have a catalogue of friends who put their trust in them:

Honestly the Samaritans stuff I tend to agree with them on actually, as long as you're not revealing names I don't think it's wrong to discuss tough cases with your OH, they don't know them anyway (and you probably don't either) but I'd imagine as a volunteer for an organisation like that, you yourself probably need to talk about very difficult cases so you don't end up feeling depressed yourself

[Redway]

Honestly the Samaritans stuff I tend to agree with them on actually, as long as you're not revealing names I don't think it's wrong to discuss tough cases with your OH, they don't know them anyway (and you probably don't either) but I'd imagine as a volunteer for an organisation like that, you yourself probably need to talk about very difficult cases so you don't end up feeling depressed yourself

The argument and policy is that you talk about it in-branch with other Samaritans and never take individual cases home but Soldier Boy’s argument is that he trusts his wife more than trainee volunteers and that you never really do know what people discuss in the privacy of their bedrooms. There’s no way to monitor that. And to be fair there isn’t.

[bots]

Let’s make sure BOTS doesn’t volunteer for Samaritans or have a catalogue of friends who put their trust in them:

i don't need smarmy put downs from you, i have a different opinion to you, learn to accept that as a reality and you will find life a lot easier to deal with

[Niamh.]

The argument and policy is that you talk about it in-branch with other Samaritans and never take individual cases home but Soldier Boy’s argument is that he trusts his wife more than trainee volunteers and that you never really do know what people discuss in the privacy of their bedrooms. There’s no way to monitor that. And to be fair there isn’t.

I agree with him :laugh: I don't see the harm unless you're giving out identifying information about the person involved

[Redway]

i don't need smarmy put downs from you, i have a different opinion to you, learn to accept that as a reality and you will find life a lot easier to deal with

Well, you’re gonna get them anyway.

[Redway]

I agree with him :laugh: I don't see the harm unless you're giving out identifying information about the person involved

Team Leaders exist for that very reason. There’s so much in-branch support that you don’t really need to be going home to tell your OH details. That’s an intentional choice and a policy-breach, even without identifying details.

[Niamh.]

Team Leaders exist for that very reason. There’s so much in-branch support that you don’t really need to be going home to tell your OH details. That’s an intentional choice and a policy-breach, even without identifying details.

Good job I don't work for Samaritans then :laugh:

[Ammi]

…I do understand what Redway is saying in that …(…unlike sharing anything said with a colleague/team leader would be in terms of advice/support etc to help etc…maybe for themselves and that would be what the Samaritans offered to them…for them to talk about things they were finding difficult or just needed to talk about…?…but they may still speak to their partner as well without giving specifics because they’re the person who they place the highest trust in themselves…

[user104658]

There are a few key issues here Redway.

1) You keep demonstrating that while you know a lot about the Samaritans, you don't really demonstrate much understanding of what a very close long term relationship looks like. My impression is that you have no idea what we're talking about, which is fine, and maybe I'm wrong, but you're taking a very authoritarian stance on something that's entirely alien to you if that's the case.

2) You have this bizarre notion that the Samaritans are angels beyond reproach which is flat out false, which is something I'm aware of both personally and professionally, I have had plenty of interaction with Samaritans. Many are absolutely great people but to suggest it's an organisation without flaw is simply untrue and I would reiterate - NOT a particularly safe insistence, as it invalidates anyone who has had a bad experience with Samaritans, and also sets unrealistic expectations of what people can expect when they contact these sorts of support lines.

3) Associated with the above, the idea that anyone and everyone has any desire whatsoever to train for Samaritans :think:. It's again fine that you, personally, love it but using "good thing you're not a Samaritan" as an insult is bizarre.


My final thought really is that this has the potential to be a genuinely interesting and thought provoking discussion, but you're not in it for an open-minded good faith discussion... you seem to have made the thread to confirm your outrage that spouses tend to share more with each other than they would with anyone else, and to get further annoyed and incredulous if anyone disagrees. It's all a bit odd, and not a conversation... I'm not sure anyone is here to get a telling off for chatting with their partner from a ticked-off Samaritan who dogmatically believes that they shouldn't.

[Ammi]

…to be fair, I don’t think Redway is incorrect either in that some who volunteer to be Samaritans won’t ever share anything shared with them outside of the organisation and team leader etc…but I just don’t think that it’s one of those things which can be an ‘all’ situation to include all Samaritan volunteers, or in this case that no volunteer would speak to a person of trust in a vague sense…because like most things, it’s down to individuals and how they themselves approach their own stresses etc…

[user104658]

…to be fair, I don’t think Redway is incorrect either in that some who volunteer to be Samaritans won’t ever share anything shared with them outside of the organisation and team leader etc…but I just don’t think that it’s one of those things which can be an ‘all’ situation to include all Samaritan volunteers, or in this case that no volunteer would speak to a person of trust in a vague sense…because like most things, it’s down to individuals and how they themselves approach their own stresses etc…

I take absolutely no issue with different people doing things differently or dealing with things differently, or even respectful differences in opinion on correct conduct: we all have our thoughts on things. I'm certainly not saying, for example, that people SHOULD feel compelled to share openly with a partner, or that a relationship is lesser if people aren't doing that. Every relationship is different and operates differently, individuals are different and have different ways of doing things.

I do draw a line at the clear condemnation and pointed judgement though, and I find the piousness about Samaritans to be misplaced - although I appreciate there may be a personal loyalty there.

[Niamh.]

I take absolutely no issue with different people doing things differently or dealing with things differently, or even respectful differences in opinion on correct conduct: we all have our thoughts on things. I'm certainly not saying, for example, that people SHOULD feel compelled to share openly with a partner, or that a relationship is lesser if people aren't doing that. Every relationship is different and operates differently, individuals are different and have different ways of doing things.

I do draw a line at the clear condemnation and pointed judgement though, and I find the piousness about Samaritans to be misplaced - although I appreciate there may be a personal loyalty there.

You never answered my hypothetical situation question :idc:

[Redway]

There are a few key issues here Redway.

1) You keep demonstrating that while you know a lot about the Samaritans, you don't really demonstrate much understanding of what a very close long term relationship looks like. My impression is that you have no idea what we're talking about, which is fine, and maybe I'm wrong, but you're taking a very authoritarian stance on something that's entirely alien to you if that's the case.

2) You have this bizarre notion that the Samaritans are angels beyond reproach which is flat out false, which is something I'm aware of both personally and professionally, I have had plenty of interaction with Samaritans. Many are absolutely great people but to suggest it's an organisation without flaw is simply untrue and I would reiterate - NOT a particularly safe insistence, as it invalidates anyone who has had a bad experience with Samaritans, and also sets unrealistic expectations of what people can expect when they contact these sorts of support lines.

3) Associated with the above, the idea that anyone and everyone has any desire whatsoever to train for Samaritans :think:. It's again fine that you, personally, love it but using "good thing you're not a Samaritan" as an insult is bizarre.


My final thought really is that this has the potential to be a genuinely interesting and thought provoking discussion, but you're not in it for an open-minded good faith discussion... you seem to have made the thread to confirm your outrage that spouses tend to share more with each other than they would with anyone else, and to get further annoyed and incredulous if anyone disagrees. It's all a bit odd, and not a conversation... I'm not sure anyone is here to get a telling off for chatting with their partner from a ticked-off Samaritan who dogmatically believes that they shouldn't.

Not everyone’s a basement-virgin because they disagree with telling their partners details about things to do with other people and them alone. Know that.

[Ammi]

I take absolutely no issue with different people doing things differently or dealing with things differently, or even respectful differences in opinion on correct conduct: we all have our thoughts on things. I'm certainly not saying, for example, that people SHOULD feel compelled to share openly with a partner, or that a relationship is lesser if people aren't doing that. Every relationship is different and operates differently, individuals are different and have different ways of doing things.

I do draw a line at the clear condemnation and pointed judgement though, and I find the piousness about Samaritans to be misplaced - although I appreciate there may be a personal loyalty there.

….I honestly don’t think anything is coming from any place of piousness either …I think his points and thoughts are just coming from what the Samaritans charity organisation project, I guess… and one of the things they say is…

‘We take your confidentiality very seriously and will only consider speaking to someone else if we are really worried about what you have told us and we feel that you are unable to make decisions.’….

…and a personal confidante not being part of that ‘envelope of trust’ or circle of trust as Robert De Niro would say…and voicing his concern from a genuine place…(…as I see it…)…

[user104658]

Not everyone’s a basement-virgin because they disagree with telling their partners details about things to do with other people and them alone. Know that.

I take absolutely no issue with different people doing things differently or dealing with things differently, or even respectful differences in opinion on correct conduct: we all have our thoughts on things. I'm certainly not saying, for example, that people SHOULD feel compelled to share openly with a partner, or that a relationship is lesser if people aren't doing that. Every relationship is different and operates differently, individuals are different and have different ways of doing things.

I do draw a line at the clear condemnation and pointed judgement though, and I find the piousness about Samaritans to be misplaced - although I appreciate there may be a personal loyalty there.

I have nothing additional to say in response to that than what's covered in the post quoted. I also said "I might be wrong" but you've given no indication that you're in or have been in a very long term relationship. No one mentioned "basement virgins", I drew a quite clear distinction between what you'd share with a romantic connection or even someone you've known a few years, and what you'd share with someone you've been with for decades. And I only did so because of the framing and dismissing (by yourself) of in-depth discussions with people you share your entire life with, as "gossip with boyfriends and girlfriends"... which if you did know what's actually being talked about here, you would know is way off the mark.

Open up your mind a little and quit with the judgement of people who have different life experiences to your own bubble, maybe? What would the Samaritans say.

[user104658]

….I honestly don’t think anything is coming from any place of piousness either …I think his points and thoughts are just coming from what the Samaritans charity organisation project, I guess… and one of the things they say is…

‘We take your confidentiality very seriously and will only consider speaking to someone else if we are really worried about what you have told us and we feel that you are unable to make decisions.’….

…and a personal confidante not being part of that ‘envelope of trust’ or circle of trust as Robert De Niro would say…and voicing his concern from a genuine place…(…as I see it…)…

Maybe you haven't read through the other much longer thread that this has spun off of, Ammi.

Either way and taking that into consideration, like I said, trying to transpose the written values of the Samaritans onto every aspect of everyone's lives as some sort of gold standard, and retorting with "well thank god you're not a Samaritan!" to anyone with an alternative perspective ... is pious.

[Redway]

Maybe you haven't read through the other much longer thread that this has spun off of, Ammi.

Either way and taking that into consideration, like I said, trying to transpose the written values of the Samaritans onto every aspect of everyone's lives as some sort of gold standard, and retorting with "well thank god you're not a Samaritan!" to anyone with an alternative perspective ... is pious.

A little piety here-and-there isn’t a crime. You could be in another ceaseless debate about immigration with LT.

[user104658]

A little piety here-and-there isn’t a crime. You could be in another ceaseless debate about immigration with LT.

It isn't but it also leads to a butting of heads rather than a meeting of minds. I think what's bugged me most was that this was an explicit premise of your original thread;

We don’t judge each-other as much on TiBB so it’s okay. Let’s just get into it and lay our discretionary (or lack thereof) cards on the table."

You asked what seemed to be sincerely for a judgement-aside "warts and all" discussion of the topic and I answered in full honesty, believing that it was what was actually on offer.

But, given how the thread went and the reaction to answers that didn't sit well, I don't think you actually meant it, and had it not been suggested in the first post that we open up and give a full honest answer, I might well have answered differently or at least more cautiously.

The result is that it feels like a trap, and you don't get a good conversation when you're lured someone into a corner.

[Redway]

Maybe you haven't read through the other much longer thread that this has spun off of, Ammi.

Either way and taking that into consideration, like I said, trying to transpose the written values of the Samaritans onto every aspect of everyone's lives as some sort of gold standard, and retorting with "well thank god you're not a Samaritan!" to anyone with an alternative perspective ... is pious.

It isn't but it also leads to a butting of heads rather than a meeting of minds. I think what's bugged me most was that this was an explicit premise of your original thread;

We don’t judge each-other as much on TiBB so it’s okay. Let’s just get into it and lay our discretionary (or lack thereof) cards on the table."

You asked what seemed to be sincerely for a judgement-aside "warts and all" discussion of the topic and I answered in full honesty, believing that it was what was actually on offer.

But, given how the thread went and the reaction to answers that didn't sit well, I don't think you actually meant it, and had it not been suggested in the first post that we open up and give a full honest answer, I might well have answered differently or at least more cautiously.

The result is that it feels like a trap, and you don't get a good conversation when you're lured someone into a corner.

Go have a chamomile tea. You sound like you need one after a long day or two of arguing with me.

[Mystic Mock]

Are we seriously going to have members arguing over this?:laugh:

[Redway]

Are we seriously going to have members arguing over this?:laugh:

We’ve been at loggerheads for a while.

[Redway]

You never answered my hypothetical situation question :idc:

Yeah, you’re not getting an answer to that.

[Mystic Mock]

We’ve been at loggerheads for a while.

I've gathered.:joker:

[Redway]

I've gathered.:joker:

QB likes a good argument anyway. He was getting ready for the quibbles of life in the mother’s womb.

[Redway]

Okay, listen, QB, do you want to share some of these bad-experience examples re. Samaritans with us on this thread? I’m not interested in having another argument, even if we do fundamentally disagree on the distribution of certain information. We’re just going to have to agree to disagree on that one but I get the impression that you have stories to tell, and I’m piqued. I know Samaritans isn’t perfect and I wasn’t extolling them to superhuman standards anyway. Just talking about the importance of keeping things in-house but there’s obviously nothing I can say to get you to change your mind on that one.

[Kate!]

Okay, listen, QB, do you want to share some of these bad-experience examples re. Samaritans with us on this thread? I’m not interested in having another argument, even if we do fundamentally disagree on the distribution of certain information. We’re just going to have to agree to disagree on that one but I get the impression that you have stories to tell, and I’m piqued. I know Samaritans isn’t perfect and I wasn’t extolling them to superhuman standards anyway. Just talking about the importance of keeping things in-house but there’s obviously nothing I can say to get you to change your mind on that one.

Great Post. X

[user104658]

Okay, listen, QB, do you want to share some of these bad-experience examples re. Samaritans with us on this thread? I’m not interested in having another argument, even if we do fundamentally disagree on the distribution of certain information. We’re just going to have to agree to disagree on that one but I get the impression that you have stories to tell, and I’m piqued. I know Samaritans isn’t perfect and I wasn’t extolling them to superhuman standards anyway. Just talking about the importance of keeping things in-house but there’s obviously nothing I can say to get you to change your mind on that one.

Just replying here to say that I'm not ignoring this Redway, I'm trying to figure out how to give a good answer without inadvertently doxxing myself or -- ironically enough -- sharing more than I should online.

[Redway]

Just replying here to say that I'm not ignoring this Redway, I'm trying to figure out how to give a good answer without inadvertently doxxing myself or -- ironically enough -- sharing more than I should online.

Yeah, okay. You take your time.

[Dogeatdog]

Not sure if my opinion would be valid here as I’m not married but if I were to tell someone a secret who was married, I would absolutely assume that they would tell their partner as well.

I think one key thing to a stable marriage is trust and the ability to confide in one another with the strictest confidence that it would not be discussed with anyone else other than each other.

However I would feel very betrayed if I were to confide in someone who was married, about something that was very sensitive to me and not to be discussed with anyone else, for that information to be spread to other people. I would feel very hurt and be unable to trust that person again.

I would like to think however that I’m a good judge of character and I’d think very carefully before I said such private information to someone especially if they were married. I think some couples whether they’re married or not, thrive on gossip and kinda get a kick out of making others feel miserable out of jealousy.

[Ammi]

Not sure if my opinion would be valid here as I’m not married but if I were to tell someone a secret who was married, I would absolutely assume that they would tell their partner as well.

I think one key thing to a stable marriage is trust and the ability to confide in one another with the strictest confidence that it would not be discussed with anyone else other than each other.

However I would feel very betrayed if I were to confide in someone who was married, about something that was very sensitive to me and not to be discussed with anyone else, for that information to be spread to other people. I would feel very hurt and be unable to trust that person again.

I would like to think however that I’m a good judge of character and I’d think very carefully before I said such private information to someone especially if they were married. I think some couples whether they’re married or not, thrive on gossip and kinda get a kick out of making others feel miserable out of jealousy.

…I think that it’s one of those things that very much is individual to a couple …my OH would never expect me to or want me to share a personal confidence a friend had shared with me…he would have no interest in sharing it because he trusts that I would tell him anything that I felt he should know for whatever reason…and the same applies the other way round, I know that he would also share with me anything that he felt I should know but beyond that, friendship personal confidences aren’t something we share…but as I say, it’s very individual to a relationship and those partners who share those things are generally doing so because they know they’re sharing with a person of trust…

[Dogeatdog]

…I think that it’s one of those things that very much is individual to a couple …my OH would never expect me to or want me to share a personal confidence a friend had shared with me…he would have no interest in sharing it because he trusts that I would tell him anything that I felt he should know for whatever reason…and the same applies the other way round, I know that he would also share with me anything that he felt I should know but beyond that, friendship personal confidences aren’t something we share…but as I say, it’s very individual to a relationship and those partners who share those things are generally doing so because they know they’re sharing with a person of trust…

It can be quite complex but I’m just very wary of things I say to certain people and what I say to people whom I do and I don’t trust. I’m always on the assumption that if I say something to someone who is married, I’m not saying it to 1 person, I’m saying it to 2 people.

Like I say tho, some couples do thrive on jealousy. In this instance I wouldn’t say private things to these types of people because I would feel that they wouldn’t keep it between themselves and would use it against you. I would like to think that I’m clever enough to suss these people out but some people can be very devious and do things like this that you would never expect.

[Benjamin]

…I think that it’s one of those things that very much is individual to a couple …my OH would never expect me to or want me to share a personal confidence a friend had shared with me…he would have no interest in sharing it because he trusts that I would tell him anything that I felt he should know for whatever reason…and the same applies the other way round, I know that he would also share with me anything that he felt I should know but beyond that, friendship personal confidences aren’t something we share…but as I say, it’s very individual to a relationship and those partners who share those things are generally doing so because they know they’re sharing with a person of trust…

That’s how it is with my OH and I too.

[Ammi]

It can be quite complex but I’m just very wary of things I say to certain people and what I say to people whom I do and I don’t trust. I’m always on the assumption that if I say something to someone who is married, I’m not saying it to 1 person, I’m saying it to 2 people.

Like I say tho, some couples do thrive on jealousy. In this instance I wouldn’t say private things to these types of people because I would feel that they wouldn’t keep it between themselves and would use it against you. I would like to think that I’m clever enough to suss these people out but some people can be very devious and do things like this that you would never expect.

…I think being cautious is a good thing because once a confidence is given, it’s out there…you have no control over who that person tells…you just have to trust …and I think that we all or most of us feel that we’re good judges of character because if/when we bond and connect with people/when friendships are formed etc…?…we tend to see mainly the very positive attributes of those people…when the truth is that everyone has positive and negative attributes and characteristics…and when one of those negatives feels like a trust betrayal, that’s a very difficult thing and can be very damaging to a friendship…and in our friendships as well, there are different ‘roles’ of friends, I guess is a way to say it in that some friends can bring great joy to our lives in many different ways but not every friend is a confident…

[Ammi]

That’s how it is with my OH and I too.

…yeah, I think we also both sense when the other has a friend who may be struggling a bit as we’ll chat to them more often/go see them more often etc…and either would just say…I hope everything’s ok…we would never ask if there was a problem, that’s just something we sense and doesn’t need to be said…

[Dogeatdog]

…I think being cautious is a good thing because once a confidence is given, it’s out there…you have no control over who that person tells…you just have to trust …and I think that we all or most of us feel that we’re good judges of character because if/when we bond and connect with people/when friendships are formed etc…?…we tend to see mainly the very positive attributes of those people…when the truth is that everyone has positive and negative attributes and characteristics…and when one of those negatives feels like a trust betrayal, that’s a very difficult thing and can be very damaging to a friendship…and in our friendships as well, there are different ‘roles’ of friends, I guess is a way to say it in that some friends can bring great joy to our lives in many different ways but not every friend is a confident…

I agree with you Ammi 100% :love:

[Redway]

That’s how it is with my OH and I too.

And that’s certainly fair enough.

[caprimint]

Not married but I'd most probably always tell my partner any "secrets" even if the friend asked me not to

[Zizu]

I'd most probably always tell my partner any "secrets" even if the friend asked me not to


Same ..


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[Zizu]

…I think that it’s one of those things that very much is individual to a couple …my OH would never expect me to or want me to share a personal confidence a friend had shared with me…he would have no interest in sharing it because he trusts that I would tell him anything that I felt he should know for whatever reason…and the same applies the other way round, I know that he would also share with me anything that he felt I should know but beyond that, friendship personal confidences aren’t something we share…but as I say, it’s very individual to a relationship and those partners who share those things are generally doing so because they know they’re sharing with a person of trust…


You make some excellent points !


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[Redway]

Just replying here to say that I'm not ignoring this Redway, I'm trying to figure out how to give a good answer without inadvertently doxxing myself or -- ironically enough -- sharing more than I should online.

You figured out a way yet? I’m genuinely interested. Not being snarky now.

[Kazanne]

I tell him most things ,but wouldn't tell him secrets that my best friends have told me,unless it something where he is mentioned.