Baked Potato is an erotic writer?

[Benjamin]

I didn’t know this.

[MTVN]

I remember her telling Marcello this earlier in the series and he asked if she could read it to him while he's naked

[Cherie]

I remember her telling Marcello this earlier in the series and he asked if she could read it to him while he's naked

ffs :laugh:

[Cherie]

She comes across as Miss Prim as well, always the way

[GoldHeart]

I doubt she really is , it will just be a full page of carry on facial expressions ... through text . As she giggles and acts silly ,at her own words :idc: .

[Crimson Dynamo]

Well that job does not exist

[MTVN]

She just does it as a hobby I presume, isn't she a dental receptionist

[Oliver_W]

Well that job does not exist

You can literally get paid to be an erotic writer.

[bots]

there is money to be made in anything

[smudgie]

In her own mind of course she is.
She wouldn’t know erotica if it smacked her in the face.

[bots]

In her own mind of course she is.
She wouldn’t know erotica if it smacked her in the face.

Anyone can write a book and publish it these days

[Maru]

That does not surprise me one bit that she has that interest

[thesheriff443]

She comes across as Miss Prim as well, always the way

Now now
Writing is very different to doing

[thesheriff443]

In her own mind of course she is.
She wouldn’t know erotica if it smacked her in the face.

I disagree
Don’t judge a book by it’s cover

[Saph]

Gotta be the tamest erotic novels ever

“He sat there and looked at me.. I looked away… he walked away and I walked the other way”

[Oliver_W]

Sometimes the back and cover are the best parts of the book.

[thesheriff443]

Sometimes the back and cover are the best parts of the book.

Even better if the pages are carved out and there’s some Cadbury whole nut in there

[MTVN]

Gotta be the tamest erotic novels ever

“He sat there and looked at me.. I looked away… he walked away and I walked the other way”

:joker:

[Benjamin]

Gotta be the tamest erotic novels ever

“He sat there and looked at me.. I looked away… he walked away and I walked the other way”

He leaned closer, she could feel his breath on her skin. He whispered in her ear “do you like scrambled eggs”. She blushed.

[Benjamin]

We need somebody to locate one of her books

[smudgie]

She is definitely no Fiona Richmond.:laugh:

[Cal.]

I adore this. I have written my own erotic stories. She has gone up in my estimations. Wow. What a queen.

[rusticgal]

Well we all know the quiet ones are the worst…:whistle:

[Mystic Mock]

I remember her telling Marcello this earlier in the series and he asked if she could read it to him while he's naked

Omg he didn't.:facepalm:

[jones89]

I mean, if you ain’t getting any… why not write about it

[Benjamin]

I adore this. I have written my own erotic stories. She has gone up in my estimations. Wow. What a queen.

You best be posting teasers in the creative writing forum.

[GlitterUK]

I was shocked when that was mentioned about Rosie but guess it explains some of her rude comments and even though she is awkward she certainly isn't shy.

[GoldHeart]

I was shocked when that was mentioned about Rosie but guess it explains some of her rude comments and even though she is awkward she certainly isn't shy.

I'm just picturing another butchered 50 shades , I bet the language & dialogue is as cringe & unbelievable as her showmance.

[GlitterUK]

I wonder if that is why Nathan likes her, thinks she may be all of his dreams come true in the bedroom.

[GoldHeart]

I wonder if that is why Nathan likes her, thinks she may be all of his dreams come true in the bedroom.

I suddenly feel queasy

[Cherie]

Anyone can write a book and publish it these days

Don't we know it

[Cherie]

I wonder if this is where 'she brushed his penis' came from and why Emma is always being so saucy with them

[Mrluvaluva]

Title: I brushed with Death.

Author: BP

Publisher: Unknown

excerpt

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.

[Ammi]

Title: I brushed with Death.

Author: BP

Publisher: Unknown

excerpt

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.


…:laugh:…and then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying…


https://i.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExeDVsdDMzdzU0MjZjNGV2cGJobno0NWh 6dzhlMGdnNnp2em8ybXljYyZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfY nlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/W8Nte2s2kxxLy/giphy.gif

[Mrluvaluva]

…:laugh:…and then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying…


https://i.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExeDVsdDMzdzU0MjZjNGV2cGJobno0NWh 6dzhlMGdnNnp2em8ybXljYyZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfY nlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/W8Nte2s2kxxLy/giphy.gif

:joker: You're not getting an excerpt from Chapter 2 now. :)

[Benjamin]

:joker: You're not getting an excerpt from Chapter 2 now. :)

£2.50 charge.

[Ammi]

£2.50 charge.

…and BP said oh, that’s a better price than your Only Fans deal then…but no, that’s still not great value…

[Ammi]

…probably time for me to go…

[Mrluvaluva]

£2.50 charge.

I'll raise you to £2.51.

[Ammi]

…I wonder if Charles and Camilla will buy her next novel…yes darling, the butler did it…

[Mrluvaluva]

£2.50 charge.

…I wonder if Charles and Camilla will buy her next novel…yes darling, the butler did it…

I'm not writing another. Presently...

[Ammi]

I'm not writing another. Presently...

https://i.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExeDVsdDMzdzU0MjZjNGV2cGJobno0NWh 6dzhlMGdnNnp2em8ybXljYyZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfY nlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/W8Nte2s2kxxLy/giphy.gif

[Beso]

I felt like a butchers bin bag as nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me.

[Mrluvaluva]

I felt like a butchers bin bag as nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me.

That's just dirty. I like. #sausagegate

[Mrluvaluva]

https://i.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExeDVsdDMzdzU0MjZjNGV2cGJobno0NWh 6dzhlMGdnNnp2em8ybXljYyZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfY nlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/W8Nte2s2kxxLy/giphy.gif

Actually we should do one of those threads. Tell a story. Everyone has to add a different line. Could be quite comical.

[Ammi]

Actually we should do one of those threads. Tell a story. Everyone has to add a different line. Could be quite comical.

…actually, I was going to bring back the Christmas Story thread this year, which we often did back in the day…well, actually I was going to bring an old one back that I was reading a week or so ago and reminiscing etc …(…which I think, Ben was the last poster but I’d have to look at it again…)…and then try for a 2024 continuance of that…/…a story update or a sequel edition…but yeah, we can do one now as well…I think that it should be started with your quote … because of copyright, you could start it…?…

[Ammi]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..


…that looks like a perfect OP to me…

[Mrluvaluva]

Beso added "I felt like a butchers bin bag as nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me." Next..

[Ammi]

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking her…..’……

[Ammi]

…I don’t quite have the hang of it, do I….

[Ammi]

…said Nathan…

[Mrluvaluva]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

I felt like a butchers bin bag as nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

[Ammi]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

I felt like a butchers bin bag as nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl…..’……

[Mrluvaluva]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

I felt like a butchers bin bag as nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl..

"BP" Nathan whispered in her ear. "Do not be alarmed my sweet maiden for I have come to save you. I am your destiny. I am the greatest purveyor of pork in the whole region. I will show you my credentials and you will truly believe the love I have for you. See my pork sword! I will use it to slay any man or beast who contends me"!

[Kate!]

:joker: this is genius. Very funny. My creative side hasn't kicked in yet this morning to join in...only just got up.

[Ammi]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

I felt like a butchers bin bag as nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl..

"BP" Nathan whispered in her ear. "Do not be alarmed my sweet maiden for I have come to save you. I am your destiny. I am the greatest purveyor of pork in the whole region. I will show you my credentials and you will truly believe the love I have for you. See my pork sword! I will use it to slay any man or beast who contends me"!

…that was such a sweet tenderloin of pork moment, she sighed…then suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of a large chop nearby….

[Ammi]

:joker: this is genius. Very funny. My creative side hasn't kicked in yet this morning to join in...only just got up.

…I have to go start my day so you get in here right now, Missy…

[Mrluvaluva]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

I felt like a butchers bin bag as Nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl..

"BP" Nathan whispered in her ear. "Do not be alarmed my sweet maiden for I have come to save you. I am your destiny. I am the greatest purveyor of pork in the whole region. I will show you my credentials and you will truly believe the love I have for you. See my pork sword! I will use it to slay any man or beast who contends me"!

…that was such a sweet tenderloin of pork moment, she sighed…then suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of a large chop nearby.

The chopping noise came from the sound of Nathan slapping his tenderloin on the table. "Here are my wares!" he exclaimed. "It is 2 fingers and a hand span!" The measurements used at that time. It hushed the whole room. Suddenly a lowly voice filled the room. It was..

[Ammi]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

I felt like a butchers bin bag as Nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl..

"BP" Nathan whispered in her ear. "Do not be alarmed my sweet maiden for I have come to save you. I am your destiny. I am the greatest purveyor of pork in the whole region. I will show you my credentials and you will truly believe the love I have for you. See my pork sword! I will use it to slay any man or beast who contends me"!

…that was such a sweet tenderloin of pork moment, she sighed…then suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of a large chop nearby.

The chopping noise came from the sound of Nathan slapping his tenderloin on the table. "Here are my wares! he exclaimed. It is 2 fingers and a hand span. The measurements used at that time. It hushed the whole room. Suddenly a lowly voice filled the room. It was not a voice though…it was Lady Emma from the House of Essex, who had been doing her daily bend and snap fitness regime…but she forgot the bend bit and what they heard were her screams…but in the corner of their eye, they could see a broken brush that Lady Emma had intended to use to paint 50 shades of…..

[Mrluvaluva]

Hang on I can't stop laughing..

[Mrluvaluva]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

I felt like a butchers bin bag as Nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl..

"BP" Nathan whispered in her ear. "Do not be alarmed my sweet maiden for I have come to save you. I am your destiny. I am the greatest purveyor of pork in the whole region. I will show you my credentials and you will truly believe the love I have for you. See my pork sword! I will use it to slay any man or beast who contends me"!

…that was such a sweet tenderloin of pork moment, she sighed…then suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of a large chop nearby.

The chopping noise came from the sound of Nathan slapping his tenderloin on the table. "Here are my wares! he exclaimed. It is 2 fingers and a hand span. The measurements used at that time. It hushed the whole room. Suddenly a lowly voice filled the room.

It was not a voice though…it was Lady Emma from the House of Essex, who had been doing her daily bend and snap fitness regime…but she forgot the bend bit and what they heard were her screams…but in the corner of their eye, they could see a broken brush that Lady Emma had intended to use to paint 50 shades of black.

Black was her darkness. It was shrouded in her soul. She had a brush with death but she was still lucid. She needed to alert her companions of her predicament. She thought hard for hours. Suddenly she came up with a plan. She would cartwheel out of there. Her mind was shot but unfortunately her back was also. Her legs were like jelly but she didn't realise the consequences of that move. She found her phone nearby and had to call..

[Ammi]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

I felt like a butchers bin bag as Nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl..

"BP" Nathan whispered in her ear. "Do not be alarmed my sweet maiden for I have come to save you. I am your destiny. I am the greatest purveyor of pork in the whole region. I will show you my credentials and you will truly believe the love I have for you. See my pork sword! I will use it to slay any man or beast who contends me"!

…that was such a sweet tenderloin of pork moment, she sighed…then suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of a large chop nearby.

The chopping noise came from the sound of Nathan slapping his tenderloin on the table. "Here are my wares! he exclaimed. It is 2 fingers and a hand span. The measurements used at that time. It hushed the whole room. Suddenly a lowly voice filled the room.

It was not a voice though…it was Lady Emma from the House of Essex, who had been doing her daily bend and snap fitness regime…but she forgot the bend bit and what they heard were her screams…but in the corner of their eye, they could see a broken brush that Lady Emma had intended to use to paint 50 shades of black.

Black was her darkness. It was shrouded in her soul. She had a brush with death but she was still lucid. She needed to alert her companions of her predicament. She thought hard for hours. Suddenly she came up with a plan. She would cartwheel out of there. Her mind was shot but unfortunately her back was also. Her legs were like jelly but she didn't realise the consequences of that move. She found her phone nearby and had to call Lady Ali, who had crossed oceans in the travel from her home in Persia…whatever the cartwheel dilemma, Lady Ali from Persia always had a theory so Lady Emma knew this was the call she had to make…(…and so to another chapter…)….

…when Persian Lady Ali from Persia, the great and wonderous theorist of their time, took the phone call …she was having a soothing back-foot suck and lubrication from her foot maidens, Hanah and Segun…

[Ammi]

…I so must go…:laugh:…to be continued…?…

[Mrluvaluva]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

"I felt like a butchers bin bag as Nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl..

"BP" Nathan whispered in her ear. "Do not be alarmed my sweet maiden for I have come to save you. I am your destiny. I am the greatest purveyor of pork in the whole region. I will show you my credentials and you will truly believe the love I have for you. See my pork sword! I will use it to slay any man or beast who contends me"!

…that was such a sweet tenderloin of pork moment, she sighed…then suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of a large chop nearby.

The chopping noise came from the sound of Nathan slapping his tenderloin on the table. "Here are my wares! he exclaimed. It is 2 fingers and a hand span. The measurements used at that time. It hushed the whole room. Suddenly a lowly voice filled the room.

It was not a voice though…it was Lady Emma from the House of Essex, who had been doing her daily bend and snap fitness regime…but she forgot the bend bit and what they heard were her screams…but in the corner of their eye, they could see a broken brush that Lady Emma had intended to use to paint 50 shades of black.

Black was her darkness. It was shrouded in her soul. She had a brush with death but she was still lucid. She needed to alert her companions of her predicament. She thought hard for hours. Suddenly she came up with a plan. She would cartwheel out of there. Her mind was shot but unfortunately her back was also. Her legs were like jelly but she didn't realise the consequences of that move. She found her phone nearby and had to call Lady Ali, who had crossed oceans in the travel from her home in Persia…whatever the cartwheel dilemma,

Lady Ali from Persia always had a theory so Lady Emma knew this was the call she had to make…(…and so to another chapter…)….

…when Persian Lady Ali from Persia, the great and wonderous theorist of their time, took the phone call …she was having a soothing back-foot suck and lubrication from her foot maidens, Hanah and Segun.

Well Lady Ali from Persia had taught such a thing to Lady Emma. Also Lady Martha. Who didn't quite execute said move so eloquently. Lady Emma had taken her teachings on board but she was still wary of her intentions towards herself after seeing the consequences of Lady Ali's previous misgivings. Lady Emma was confused. "How could this be"? she exclaimed. "Is she a witch? A red witch at that!"

The souls of Segunion and Khaledish had entered Lady Ali's body. She was being taken over by Marchy Marchy. "Ohhh. He's cute" she exclaimed. She had no power to resist at that point. She was gone. Her mind was not her own. Then suddenly..

[Mrluvaluva]

…I so must go…:laugh:…to be continued…?…

Later..

[Ammi]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

"I felt like a butchers bin bag as Nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl..

"BP" Nathan whispered in her ear. "Do not be alarmed my sweet maiden for I have come to save you. I am your destiny. I am the greatest purveyor of pork in the whole region. I will show you my credentials and you will truly believe the love I have for you. See my pork sword! I will use it to slay any man or beast who contends me"!

…that was such a sweet tenderloin of pork moment, she sighed…then suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of a large chop nearby.

The chopping noise came from the sound of Nathan slapping his tenderloin on the table. "Here are my wares! he exclaimed. It is 2 fingers and a hand span. The measurements used at that time. It hushed the whole room. Suddenly a lowly voice filled the room.

It was not a voice though…it was Lady Emma from the House of Essex, who had been doing her daily bend and snap fitness regime…but she forgot the bend bit and what they heard were her screams…but in the corner of their eye, they could see a broken brush that Lady Emma had intended to use to paint 50 shades of black.

Black was her darkness. It was shrouded in her soul. She had a brush with death but she was still lucid. She needed to alert her companions of her predicament. She thought hard for hours. Suddenly she came up with a plan. She would cartwheel out of there. Her mind was shot but unfortunately her back was also. Her legs were like jelly but she didn't realise the consequences of that move. She found her phone nearby and had to call Lady Ali, who had crossed oceans in the travel from her home in Persia…whatever the cartwheel dilemma,

Lady Ali from Persia always had a theory so Lady Emma knew this was the call she had to make…(…and so to another chapter…)….

…when Persian Lady Ali from Persia, the great and wonderous theorist of their time, took the phone call …she was having a soothing back-foot suck and lubrication from her foot maidens, Hanah and Segun.

Well Lady Ali from Persia had taught such a thing to Lady Emma. Also Lady Martha. Who didn't quite execute said move so eloquently. Lady Emma had taken her teachings on board but she was still wary of her intentions towards herself after seeing the consequences of Lady Ali's previous misgivings. Lady Emma was confused. "How could this be"? she exclaimed. "Is she a witch? A red witch at that!"

The souls of Segunion and Khaledish had entered Lady Ali's body. She was being taken over by Marchy Marchy. "Ohhh. He's cute" she exclaimed. She had no power to resist at that point. She was gone. Her mind was not her own. Then suddenly her cute and beloved Marchy March screeched ‘they’ve taken my chicken…!!!!!!!!!!…’…those vampires have taken my chicken and now all I have in this dark period of my life is tea bags…?…this is so wrong and so tragic and awful that I’ve lost one of Marchy’s and now am just a one March peasant rap boy….but aha..!!!!!!!, he know who could help fix this…Oh My Daze Fairy Queen who lived behind the wall…she generally spent her time stuck to trees and plants and things, but he would seek her out…he would enter the dark forest and find her…but first, he must get the red witch Ali to help him through the wall…

[Ammi]

…erotic has taken an adventure turn…

[Mrluvaluva]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

"I felt like a butchers bin bag as Nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl..

"BP" Nathan whispered in her ear. "Do not be alarmed my sweet maiden for I have come to save you. I am your destiny. I am the greatest purveyor of pork in the whole region. I will show you my credentials and you will truly believe the love I have for you. See my pork sword! I will use it to slay any man or beast who contends me"!

…that was such a sweet tenderloin of pork moment, she sighed…then suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of a large chop nearby.

The chopping noise came from the sound of Nathan slapping his tenderloin on the table. "Here are my wares! he exclaimed. It is 2 fingers and a hand span. The measurements used at that time. It hushed the whole room. Suddenly a lowly voice filled the room.

It was not a voice though…it was Lady Emma from the House of Essex, who had been doing her daily bend and snap fitness regime…but she forgot the bend bit and what they heard were her screams…but in the corner of their eye, they could see a broken brush that Lady Emma had intended to use to paint 50 shades of black.

Black was her darkness. It was shrouded in her soul. She had a brush with death but she was still lucid. She needed to alert her companions of her predicament. She thought hard for hours. Suddenly she came up with a plan. She would cartwheel out of there. Her mind was shot but unfortunately her back was also. Her legs were like jelly but she didn't realise the consequences of that move. She found her phone nearby and had to call Lady Ali, who had crossed oceans in the travel from her home in Persia…whatever the cartwheel dilemma,

Lady Ali from Persia always had a theory so Lady Emma knew this was the call she had to make…(…and so to another chapter…)….

…when Persian Lady Ali from Persia, the great and wonderous theorist of their time, took the phone call …she was having a soothing back-foot suck and lubrication from her foot maidens, Hanah and Segun.

Well Lady Ali from Persia had taught such a thing to Lady Emma. Also Lady Martha. Who didn't quite execute said move so eloquently. Lady Emma had taken her teachings on board but she was still wary of her intentions towards herself after seeing the consequences of Lady Ali's previous misgivings. Lady Emma was confused. "How could this be"? she exclaimed. "Is she a witch? A red witch at that!"

The souls of Segunion and Khaledish had entered Lady Ali's body. She was being taken over by Marchy Marchy. "Ohhh. He's cute" she exclaimed. She had no power to resist at that point. She was gone. Her mind was not her own. Then suddenly her cute and beloved Marchy March screeched ‘they’ve taken my chicken…!!!!!!!!!!…’…those vampires have taken my chicken and now all I have in this dark period of my life is tea bags…?…this is so wrong and so tragic and awful that I’ve lost one of Marchy’s and now am just a one March peasant rap boy….but aha..!!!!!!!, he know who could help fix this…Oh My Daze Fairy Queen who lived behind the wall…she generally spent her time stuck to trees and plants and things, but he would seek her out…he would enter the dark forest and find her…but first, he must get the red witch Ali to help him through the wall.

The red witch cast a spell.

“Double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble”

The cauldron began to bubble. It cast a whole fog in the immediate area. She tried to use her invisibility cloak to escape the proceedings but she was clocked by Lady Lily of Warrington. "I see ya!" she exclaimed in excitement. The fairy queen Daze reached out to the red witch with a branch from the tree she was glued to and lifted her up, thus saving her from the baying crowd that had gathered.

Suddenly Lord Nathan returned from his travels and caused a diversion.

"I am back from my explorations! I have been to a place called Espania! Here I found many things but the most wondrous of them all is the potato!"

The crowd gasped..

"It will grow from my love and attention! I will nurture it until it is mature! I will never leave it's side!"

It was at that point Lord Thomas piped up and proclaimed...

[Ammi]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

"I felt like a butchers bin bag as Nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl..

"BP" Nathan whispered in her ear. "Do not be alarmed my sweet maiden for I have come to save you. I am your destiny. I am the greatest purveyor of pork in the whole region. I will show you my credentials and you will truly believe the love I have for you. See my pork sword! I will use it to slay any man or beast who contends me"!

…that was such a sweet tenderloin of pork moment, she sighed…then suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of a large chop nearby.

The chopping noise came from the sound of Nathan slapping his tenderloin on the table. "Here are my wares! he exclaimed. It is 2 fingers and a hand span. The measurements used at that time. It hushed the whole room. Suddenly a lowly voice filled the room.

It was not a voice though…it was Lady Emma from the House of Essex, who had been doing her daily bend and snap fitness regime…but she forgot the bend bit and what they heard were her screams…but in the corner of their eye, they could see a broken brush that Lady Emma had intended to use to paint 50 shades of black.

Black was her darkness. It was shrouded in her soul. She had a brush with death but she was still lucid. She needed to alert her companions of her predicament. She thought hard for hours. Suddenly she came up with a plan. She would cartwheel out of there. Her mind was shot but unfortunately her back was also. Her legs were like jelly but she didn't realise the consequences of that move. She found her phone nearby and had to call Lady Ali, who had crossed oceans in the travel from her home in Persia…whatever the cartwheel dilemma,

Lady Ali from Persia always had a theory so Lady Emma knew this was the call she had to make…(…and so to another chapter…)….

…when Persian Lady Ali from Persia, the great and wonderous theorist of their time, took the phone call …she was having a soothing back-foot suck and lubrication from her foot maidens, Hanah and Segun.

Well Lady Ali from Persia had taught such a thing to Lady Emma. Also Lady Martha. Who didn't quite execute said move so eloquently. Lady Emma had taken her teachings on board but she was still wary of her intentions towards herself after seeing the consequences of Lady Ali's previous misgivings. Lady Emma was confused. "How could this be"? she exclaimed. "Is she a witch? A red witch at that!"

The souls of Segunion and Khaledish had entered Lady Ali's body. She was being taken over by Marchy Marchy. "Ohhh. He's cute" she exclaimed. She had no power to resist at that point. She was gone. Her mind was not her own. Then suddenly her cute and beloved Marchy March screeched ‘they’ve taken my chicken…!!!!!!!!!!…’…those vampires have taken my chicken and now all I have in this dark period of my life is tea bags…?…this is so wrong and so tragic and awful that I’ve lost one of Marchy’s and now am just a one March peasant rap boy….but aha..!!!!!!!, he know who could help fix this…Oh My Daze Fairy Queen who lived behind the wall…she generally spent her time stuck to trees and plants and things, but he would seek her out…he would enter the dark forest and find her…but first, he must get the red witch Ali to help him through the wall.

The red witch cast a spell.

“Double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble”

The cauldron began to bubble. It cast a whole fog in the immediate area. She tried to use her invisibility cloak to escape the proceedings but she was clocked by Lady Lily of Warrington. "I see ya!" she exclaimed in excitement. The fairy queen Daze reached out to the red witch with a branch from the tree she was glued to and lifted her up, thus saving her from the baying crowd that had gathered.

Suddenly Lord Nathan returned from his travels and caused a diversion.

"I am back from my explorations! I have been to a place called Espania! Here I found many things but the most wondrous of them all is the potato!"

The crowd gasped..

"It will grow from my love and attention! I will nurture it until it is mature! I will never leave it's side!"

It was at that point Lord Thomas piped up and proclaimed…’I will choose my words carefully because I don’t have many words to say, I was given them very sparingly as there wasn’t many words left for my part in all of this…I will take whatever I get, though and I will use them for the good of …well, me’….

…although all intentions were good and enthusiasm was among them…the truth of it is that none knew how to nurture and grow the potato so that they could all share it in a roast dinner…as it was, the portions would be very small so they needed to increase those to satisfy their hungry stomach areas…poor Marchy’s area in the olden days had resembled a washboard but now it was sadly just a little withering bit of flesh and bone…they decided to travel to Coconut Bay in the heart of the Welsh forest to seek the help of the Wolfman, Izaaz…they didn’t even know whether he really existed as he had only ever been a mention of stories…he was a man of principles and honour unless he was sleep deprived…and then his wolf would emerge and he’d get very grumpy…but they would take that risk, that this encounter would see him more cheerful and helpful….and they’d take him some Welsh leeks, which would help enhance his mood…so off they all went, trekking toward the forest…but suddenly…

[Mrluvaluva]

Oh sorry forgot about this. Been busy. Lemme think..

[Mrluvaluva]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

"I felt like a butchers bin bag as Nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl..

"BP" Nathan whispered in her ear. "Do not be alarmed my sweet maiden for I have come to save you. I am your destiny. I am the greatest purveyor of pork in the whole region. I will show you my credentials and you will truly believe the love I have for you. See my pork sword! I will use it to slay any man or beast who contends me"!

…that was such a sweet tenderloin of pork moment, she sighed…then suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of a large chop nearby.

The chopping noise came from the sound of Nathan slapping his tenderloin on the table. "Here are my wares! he exclaimed. It is 2 fingers and a hand span. The measurements used at that time. It hushed the whole room. Suddenly a lowly voice filled the room.

It was not a voice though…it was Lady Emma from the House of Essex, who had been doing her daily bend and snap fitness regime…but she forgot the bend bit and what they heard were her screams…but in the corner of their eye, they could see a broken brush that Lady Emma had intended to use to paint 50 shades of black.

Black was her darkness. It was shrouded in her soul. She had a brush with death but she was still lucid. She needed to alert her companions of her predicament. She thought hard for hours. Suddenly she came up with a plan. She would cartwheel out of there. Her mind was shot but unfortunately her back was also. Her legs were like jelly but she didn't realise the consequences of that move. She found her phone nearby and had to call Lady Ali, who had crossed oceans in the travel from her home in Persia…whatever the cartwheel dilemma,

Lady Ali from Persia always had a theory so Lady Emma knew this was the call she had to make…(…and so to another chapter…)….

…when Persian Lady Ali from Persia, the great and wonderous theorist of their time, took the phone call …she was having a soothing back-foot suck and lubrication from her foot maidens, Hanah and Segun.

Well Lady Ali from Persia had taught such a thing to Lady Emma. Also Lady Martha. Who didn't quite execute said move so eloquently. Lady Emma had taken her teachings on board but she was still wary of her intentions towards herself after seeing the consequences of Lady Ali's previous misgivings. Lady Emma was confused. "How could this be"? she exclaimed. "Is she a witch? A red witch at that!"

The souls of Segunion and Khaledish had entered Lady Ali's body. She was being taken over by Marchy Marchy. "Ohhh. He's cute" she exclaimed. She had no power to resist at that point. She was gone. Her mind was not her own. Then suddenly her cute and beloved Marchy March screeched ‘they’ve taken my chicken…!!!!!!!!!!…’…those vampires have taken my chicken and now all I have in this dark period of my life is tea bags…?…this is so wrong and so tragic and awful that I’ve lost one of Marchy’s and now am just a one March peasant rap boy….but aha..!!!!!!!, he know who could help fix this…Oh My Daze Fairy Queen who lived behind the wall…she generally spent her time stuck to trees and plants and things, but he would seek her out…he would enter the dark forest and find her…but first, he must get the red witch Ali to help him through the wall.

The red witch cast a spell.

“Double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble”

The cauldron began to bubble. It cast a whole fog in the immediate area. She tried to use her invisibility cloak to escape the proceedings but she was clocked by Lady Lily of Warrington. "I see ya!" she exclaimed in excitement. The fairy queen Daze reached out to the red witch with a branch from the tree she was glued to and lifted her up, thus saving her from the baying crowd that had gathered.

Suddenly Lord Nathan returned from his travels and caused a diversion.

"I am back from my explorations! I have been to a place called Espania! Here I found many things but the most wondrous of them all is the potato!"

The crowd gasped..

"It will grow from my love and attention! I will nurture it until it is mature! I will never leave it's side!"

It was at that point Lord Thomas piped up and proclaimed…’I will choose my words carefully because I don’t have many words to say, I was given them very sparingly as there wasn’t many words left for my part in all of this…I will take whatever I get, though and I will use them for the good of …well, me’….

…although all intentions were good and enthusiasm was among them…the truth of it is that none knew how to nurture and grow the potato so that they could all share it in a roast dinner…as it was, the portions would be very small so they needed to increase those to satisfy their hungry stomach areas…poor Marchy’s area in the olden days had resembled a washboard but now it was sadly just a little withering bit of flesh and bone…they decided to travel to Coconut Bay in the heart of the Welsh forest to seek the help of the Wolfman, Izaaz…they didn’t even know whether he really existed as he had only ever been a mention of stories…he was a man of principles and honour unless he was sleep deprived…and then his wolf would emerge and he’d get very grumpy…but they would take that risk, that this encounter would see him more cheerful and helpful….and they’d take him some Welsh leeks, which would help enhance his mood…so off they all went, trekking toward the forest…but suddenly..

Marchys baby popped out. It was like a scene from Alien! His washboard had become a paunch. Some people thought it was a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a rock potato!

Ahh. Ahh. Ahh.

Ali inspected the carnage that ensued. "He's dead!" she proclaimed. " Now the Kingdom is mine! All mine!"

Lady Hanah was in full disagreement. "See my prince? Prince Segun? He will lift me up out of here and we shall rule this land forever!"

Prince Thomas stayed silent.

In the meantime someone removed Lord Nathan's baked potato for forensic analysis. It was the wicked red witch! For she was the most influential in the land. She had mind control over Lord Segun and asked him to explain his actions. He crumbled under her superior powers.

His explanation of events riled the red witch. She wasn't standing for such ****ery.

[Ammi]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

"I felt like a butchers bin bag as Nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl..

"BP" Nathan whispered in her ear. "Do not be alarmed my sweet maiden for I have come to save you. I am your destiny. I am the greatest purveyor of pork in the whole region. I will show you my credentials and you will truly believe the love I have for you. See my pork sword! I will use it to slay any man or beast who contends me"!

…that was such a sweet tenderloin of pork moment, she sighed…then suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of a large chop nearby.

The chopping noise came from the sound of Nathan slapping his tenderloin on the table. "Here are my wares! he exclaimed. It is 2 fingers and a hand span. The measurements used at that time. It hushed the whole room. Suddenly a lowly voice filled the room.

It was not a voice though…it was Lady Emma from the House of Essex, who had been doing her daily bend and snap fitness regime…but she forgot the bend bit and what they heard were her screams…but in the corner of their eye, they could see a broken brush that Lady Emma had intended to use to paint 50 shades of black.

Black was her darkness. It was shrouded in her soul. She had a brush with death but she was still lucid. She needed to alert her companions of her predicament. She thought hard for hours. Suddenly she came up with a plan. She would cartwheel out of there. Her mind was shot but unfortunately her back was also. Her legs were like jelly but she didn't realise the consequences of that move. She found her phone nearby and had to call Lady Ali, who had crossed oceans in the travel from her home in Persia…whatever the cartwheel dilemma,

Lady Ali from Persia always had a theory so Lady Emma knew this was the call she had to make…(…and so to another chapter…)….

…when Persian Lady Ali from Persia, the great and wonderous theorist of their time, took the phone call …she was having a soothing back-foot suck and lubrication from her foot maidens, Hanah and Segun.

Well Lady Ali from Persia had taught such a thing to Lady Emma. Also Lady Martha. Who didn't quite execute said move so eloquently. Lady Emma had taken her teachings on board but she was still wary of her intentions towards herself after seeing the consequences of Lady Ali's previous misgivings. Lady Emma was confused. "How could this be"? she exclaimed. "Is she a witch? A red witch at that!"

The souls of Segunion and Khaledish had entered Lady Ali's body. She was being taken over by Marchy Marchy. "Ohhh. He's cute" she exclaimed. She had no power to resist at that point. She was gone. Her mind was not her own. Then suddenly her cute and beloved Marchy March screeched ‘they’ve taken my chicken…!!!!!!!!!!…’…those vampires have taken my chicken and now all I have in this dark period of my life is tea bags…?…this is so wrong and so tragic and awful that I’ve lost one of Marchy’s and now am just a one March peasant rap boy….but aha..!!!!!!!, he know who could help fix this…Oh My Daze Fairy Queen who lived behind the wall…she generally spent her time stuck to trees and plants and things, but he would seek her out…he would enter the dark forest and find her…but first, he must get the red witch Ali to help him through the wall.

The red witch cast a spell.

“Double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble”

The cauldron began to bubble. It cast a whole fog in the immediate area. She tried to use her invisibility cloak to escape the proceedings but she was clocked by Lady Lily of Warrington. "I see ya!" she exclaimed in excitement. The fairy queen Daze reached out to the red witch with a branch from the tree she was glued to and lifted her up, thus saving her from the baying crowd that had gathered.

Suddenly Lord Nathan returned from his travels and caused a diversion.

"I am back from my explorations! I have been to a place called Espania! Here I found many things but the most wondrous of them all is the potato!"

The crowd gasped..

"It will grow from my love and attention! I will nurture it until it is mature! I will never leave it's side!"

It was at that point Lord Thomas piped up and proclaimed…’I will choose my words carefully because I don’t have many words to say, I was given them very sparingly as there wasn’t many words left for my part in all of this…I will take whatever I get, though and I will use them for the good of …well, me’….

…although all intentions were good and enthusiasm was among them…the truth of it is that none knew how to nurture and grow the potato so that they could all share it in a roast dinner…as it was, the portions would be very small so they needed to increase those to satisfy their hungry stomach areas…poor Marchy’s area in the olden days had resembled a washboard but now it was sadly just a little withering bit of flesh and bone…they decided to travel to Coconut Bay in the heart of the Welsh forest to seek the help of the Wolfman, Izaaz…they didn’t even know whether he really existed as he had only ever been a mention of stories…he was a man of principles and honour unless he was sleep deprived…and then his wolf would emerge and he’d get very grumpy…but they would take that risk, that this encounter would see him more cheerful and helpful….and they’d take him some Welsh leeks, which would help enhance his mood…so off they all went, trekking toward the forest…but suddenly..

Marchys baby popped out. It was like a scene from Alien! His washboard had become a paunch. Some people thought it was a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a rock potato!

Ahh. Ahh. Ahh.

Ali inspected the carnage that ensued. "He's dead!" she proclaimed. " Now the Kingdom is mine! All mine!"

Lady Hanah was in full disagreement. "See my prince? Prince Segun? He will lift me up out of here and we shall rule this land forever!"

Prince Thomas stayed silent.

In the meantime someone removed Lord Nathan's baked potato for forensic analysis. It was the wicked red witch! She had mind control over Lord Segun and asked him to explain his actions. He crumbled under her superior powers.

His explanation of events riled the red witch. She wasn't standing for such ****ery.

Lady Sarah just stood by and watched. She couldn't intervene because Marchy was in her face and screaming…’you’re not an influencer…!!!!!!!!!…you women-folk always think that you are, that you are people of influence …but no, that’s only the bros - the Mandem are the only ones in this land who have any influence over others’…and as Marchy was screaming that right up in Lady Sarah’s face…Lord Segun gave 10,000 bursts of laughter from the side vault of the forest…while Lord Nathan remained unbothered by this turn of events…one potato, two potato…no1curr…if one potato was to fall then there would always be another …?…

…anyway, meanwhile…no one could find the one they called Khaled, it was as if he had completely vanished…they asked Prince Thomas…’where is the one they call Khaled/we call Khaled/who calls Khaled/please hold while we connect and stay on the line for a glass of wine etc)…’…but as always, Prince Thomas remained silent…was there a reason why he never spoke…?..was this some kind of witchery that Ali of Persia had brought about….?….suddenly there was an unapologetic eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek from the other side of the forest…‘that shriek is coming from the vault..’…they all said together, as they trembled and huddled and chanted the protective raps that Marchy had taught them to chant at such dangerous times….

[Mrluvaluva]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

"I felt like a butchers bin bag as Nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl..

"BP" Nathan whispered in her ear. "Do not be alarmed my sweet maiden for I have come to save you. I am your destiny. I am the greatest purveyor of pork in the whole region. I will show you my credentials and you will truly believe the love I have for you. See my pork sword! I will use it to slay any man or beast who contends me"!

…that was such a sweet tenderloin of pork moment, she sighed…then suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of a large chop nearby.

The chopping noise came from the sound of Nathan slapping his tenderloin on the table. "Here are my wares! he exclaimed. It is 2 fingers and a hand span. The measurements used at that time. It hushed the whole room. Suddenly a lowly voice filled the room.

It was not a voice though…it was Lady Emma from the House of Essex, who had been doing her daily bend and snap fitness regime…but she forgot the bend bit and what they heard were her screams…but in the corner of their eye, they could see a broken brush that Lady Emma had intended to use to paint 50 shades of black.

Black was her darkness. It was shrouded in her soul. She had a brush with death but she was still lucid. She needed to alert her companions of her predicament. She thought hard for hours. Suddenly she came up with a plan. She would cartwheel out of there. Her mind was shot but unfortunately her back was also. Her legs were like jelly but she didn't realise the consequences of that move. She found her phone nearby and had to call Lady Ali, who had crossed oceans in the travel from her home in Persia…whatever the cartwheel dilemma,

Lady Ali from Persia always had a theory so Lady Emma knew this was the call she had to make…(…and so to another chapter…)….

…when Persian Lady Ali from Persia, the great and wonderous theorist of their time, took the phone call …she was having a soothing back-foot suck and lubrication from her foot maidens, Hanah and Segun.

Well Lady Ali from Persia had taught such a thing to Lady Emma. Also Lady Martha. Who didn't quite execute said move so eloquently. Lady Emma had taken her teachings on board but she was still wary of her intentions towards herself after seeing the consequences of Lady Ali's previous misgivings. Lady Emma was confused. "How could this be"? she exclaimed. "Is she a witch? A red witch at that!"

The souls of Segunion and Khaledish had entered Lady Ali's body. She was being taken over by Marchy Marchy. "Ohhh. He's cute" she exclaimed. She had no power to resist at that point. She was gone. Her mind was not her own. Then suddenly her cute and beloved Marchy March screeched ‘they’ve taken my chicken…!!!!!!!!!!…’…those vampires have taken my chicken and now all I have in this dark period of my life is tea bags…?…this is so wrong and so tragic and awful that I’ve lost one of Marchy’s and now am just a one March peasant rap boy….but aha..!!!!!!!, he know who could help fix this…Oh My Daze Fairy Queen who lived behind the wall…she generally spent her time stuck to trees and plants and things, but he would seek her out…he would enter the dark forest and find her…but first, he must get the red witch Ali to help him through the wall.

The red witch cast a spell.

“Double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble”

The cauldron began to bubble. It cast a whole fog in the immediate area. She tried to use her invisibility cloak to escape the proceedings but she was clocked by Lady Lily of Warrington. "I see ya!" she exclaimed in excitement. The fairy queen Daze reached out to the red witch with a branch from the tree she was glued to and lifted her up, thus saving her from the baying crowd that had gathered.

Suddenly Lord Nathan returned from his travels and caused a diversion.

"I am back from my explorations! I have been to a place called Espania! Here I found many things but the most wondrous of them all is the potato!"

The crowd gasped..

"It will grow from my love and attention! I will nurture it until it is mature! I will never leave it's side!"

It was at that point Lord Thomas piped up and proclaimed…’I will choose my words carefully because I don’t have many words to say, I was given them very sparingly as there wasn’t many words left for my part in all of this…I will take whatever I get, though and I will use them for the good of …well, me’….

…although all intentions were good and enthusiasm was among them…the truth of it is that none knew how to nurture and grow the potato so that they could all share it in a roast dinner…as it was, the portions would be very small so they needed to increase those to satisfy their hungry stomach areas…poor Marchy’s area in the olden days had resembled a washboard but now it was sadly just a little withering bit of flesh and bone…they decided to travel to Coconut Bay in the heart of the Welsh forest to seek the help of the Wolfman, Izaaz…they didn’t even know whether he really existed as he had only ever been a mention of stories…he was a man of principles and honour unless he was sleep deprived…and then his wolf would emerge and he’d get very grumpy…but they would take that risk, that this encounter would see him more cheerful and helpful….and they’d take him some Welsh leeks, which would help enhance his mood…so off they all went, trekking toward the forest…but suddenly..

Marchys baby popped out. It was like a scene from Alien! His washboard had become a paunch. Some people thought it was a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a rock potato!

Ahh. Ahh. Ahh.

Ali inspected the carnage that ensued. "He's dead!" she proclaimed. " Now the Kingdom is mine! All mine!"

Lady Hanah was in full disagreement. "See my prince? Prince Segun? He will lift me up out of here and we shall rule this land forever!"

Prince Thomas stayed silent.

In the meantime someone removed Lord Nathan's baked potato for forensic analysis. It was the wicked red witch! She had mind control over Lord Segun and asked him to explain his actions. He crumbled under her superior powers.

His explanation of events riled the red witch. She wasn't standing for such ****ery.

Lady Sarah just stood by and watched. She couldn't intervene because Marchy was in her face and screaming…’you’re not an influencer…!!!!!!!!!…you women-folk always think that you are, that you are people of influence …but no, that’s only the bros - the Mandem are the only ones in this land who have any influence over others’…and as Marchy was screaming that right up in Lady Sarah’s face…Lord Segun gave 10,000 bursts of laughter from the side vault of the forest…while Lord Nathan remained unbothered by this turn of events…one potato, two potato…no1curr…if one potato was to fall then there would always be another …?…

…anyway, meanwhile…no one could find the one they called Khaled, it was as if he had completely vanished…they asked Prince Thomas…’where is the one they call Khaled/we call Khaled/who calls Khaled/please hold while we connect and stay on the line for a glass of wine etc)…’…but as always, Prince Thomas remained silent…was there a reason why he never spoke…?..was this some kind of witchery that Ali of Persia had brought about….?….suddenly there was an unapologetic eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek from the other side of the forest…‘that shriek is coming from the vault..’…they all said together, as they trembled and huddled and chanted the protective raps that Marchy had taught them to chant at such dangerous times.

The "eek" from the forest was foreboding. Somewhat sinister. Was it aliens or something else? The message slowly came through. They couldn't understand at first.

"What is it?" Ali questioned.

"M"!

"I'm not sure?" Nathan retorted.

"S"!

It's like the davinci code! Suddenly it all became clear.

"MSG!" cried the call from the heavens. "MSG!" "I love MSG"!

The aurora was happening.

Now!

Lady Emma knew such vocabulary because she had attended the School of Soufend which was a highly sought after place for parents wanting their child to get the best possible education.

But Lady Lily was a good witch and directed them all to safety as the figurehead.

Anyway, to cut a long story short they all ended up arriving at Coconut Bay in the Welsh forest. Izaaz was there to greet them. "I've been waiting here 12 hours for you guys! I've got sleep deprivation! Not impressed!"

They had to tip-toe around him and let him sleep.

Later on, when he awoke, everyone was in the mood to go out. "I know!" Segun exclaimed. "Let's go to The Vault!" "I've heard it's a cool place and there's even a casino! You can win money in there!" Not everyone was on board though, but they'll went anyway. He got to the door but then realised he only had 4 tickets and the night was sold out. Who would he choose?

[Ammi]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

"I felt like a butchers bin bag as Nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl..

"BP" Nathan whispered in her ear. "Do not be alarmed my sweet maiden for I have come to save you. I am your destiny. I am the greatest purveyor of pork in the whole region. I will show you my credentials and you will truly believe the love I have for you. See my pork sword! I will use it to slay any man or beast who contends me"!

…that was such a sweet tenderloin of pork moment, she sighed…then suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of a large chop nearby.

The chopping noise came from the sound of Nathan slapping his tenderloin on the table. "Here are my wares! he exclaimed. It is 2 fingers and a hand span. The measurements used at that time. It hushed the whole room. Suddenly a lowly voice filled the room.

It was not a voice though…it was Lady Emma from the House of Essex, who had been doing her daily bend and snap fitness regime…but she forgot the bend bit and what they heard were her screams…but in the corner of their eye, they could see a broken brush that Lady Emma had intended to use to paint 50 shades of black.

Black was her darkness. It was shrouded in her soul. She had a brush with death but she was still lucid. She needed to alert her companions of her predicament. She thought hard for hours. Suddenly she came up with a plan. She would cartwheel out of there. Her mind was shot but unfortunately her back was also. Her legs were like jelly but she didn't realise the consequences of that move. She found her phone nearby and had to call Lady Ali, who had crossed oceans in the travel from her home in Persia…whatever the cartwheel dilemma,

Lady Ali from Persia always had a theory so Lady Emma knew this was the call she had to make…(…and so to another chapter…)….

…when Persian Lady Ali from Persia, the great and wonderous theorist of their time, took the phone call …she was having a soothing back-foot suck and lubrication from her foot maidens, Hanah and Segun.

Well Lady Ali from Persia had taught such a thing to Lady Emma. Also Lady Martha. Who didn't quite execute said move so eloquently. Lady Emma had taken her teachings on board but she was still wary of her intentions towards herself after seeing the consequences of Lady Ali's previous misgivings. Lady Emma was confused. "How could this be"? she exclaimed. "Is she a witch? A red witch at that!"

The souls of Segunion and Khaledish had entered Lady Ali's body. She was being taken over by Marchy Marchy. "Ohhh. He's cute" she exclaimed. She had no power to resist at that point. She was gone. Her mind was not her own. Then suddenly her cute and beloved Marchy March screeched ‘they’ve taken my chicken…!!!!!!!!!!…’…those vampires have taken my chicken and now all I have in this dark period of my life is tea bags…?…this is so wrong and so tragic and awful that I’ve lost one of Marchy’s and now am just a one March peasant rap boy….but aha..!!!!!!!, he know who could help fix this…Oh My Daze Fairy Queen who lived behind the wall…she generally spent her time stuck to trees and plants and things, but he would seek her out…he would enter the dark forest and find her…but first, he must get the red witch Ali to help him through the wall.

The red witch cast a spell.

“Double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble”

The cauldron began to bubble. It cast a whole fog in the immediate area. She tried to use her invisibility cloak to escape the proceedings but she was clocked by Lady Lily of Warrington. "I see ya!" she exclaimed in excitement. The fairy queen Daze reached out to the red witch with a branch from the tree she was glued to and lifted her up, thus saving her from the baying crowd that had gathered.

Suddenly Lord Nathan returned from his travels and caused a diversion.

"I am back from my explorations! I have been to a place called Espania! Here I found many things but the most wondrous of them all is the potato!"

The crowd gasped..

"It will grow from my love and attention! I will nurture it until it is mature! I will never leave it's side!"

It was at that point Lord Thomas piped up and proclaimed…’I will choose my words carefully because I don’t have many words to say, I was given them very sparingly as there wasn’t many words left for my part in all of this…I will take whatever I get, though and I will use them for the good of …well, me’….

…although all intentions were good and enthusiasm was among them…the truth of it is that none knew how to nurture and grow the potato so that they could all share it in a roast dinner…as it was, the portions would be very small so they needed to increase those to satisfy their hungry stomach areas…poor Marchy’s area in the olden days had resembled a washboard but now it was sadly just a little withering bit of flesh and bone…they decided to travel to Coconut Bay in the heart of the Welsh forest to seek the help of the Wolfman, Izaaz…they didn’t even know whether he really existed as he had only ever been a mention of stories…he was a man of principles and honour unless he was sleep deprived…and then his wolf would emerge and he’d get very grumpy…but they would take that risk, that this encounter would see him more cheerful and helpful….and they’d take him some Welsh leeks, which would help enhance his mood…so off they all went, trekking toward the forest…but suddenly..

Marchys baby popped out. It was like a scene from Alien! His washboard had become a paunch. Some people thought it was a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a rock potato!

Ahh. Ahh. Ahh.

Ali inspected the carnage that ensued. "He's dead!" she proclaimed. " Now the Kingdom is mine! All mine!"

Lady Hanah was in full disagreement. "See my prince? Prince Segun? He will lift me up out of here and we shall rule this land forever!"

Prince Thomas stayed silent.

In the meantime someone removed Lord Nathan's baked potato for forensic analysis. It was the wicked red witch! She had mind control over Lord Segun and asked him to explain his actions. He crumbled under her superior powers.

His explanation of events riled the red witch. She wasn't standing for such ****ery.

Lady Sarah just stood by and watched. She couldn't intervene because Marchy was in her face and screaming…’you’re not an influencer…!!!!!!!!!…you women-folk always think that you are, that you are people of influence …but no, that’s only the bros - the Mandem are the only ones in this land who have any influence over others’…and as Marchy was screaming that right up in Lady Sarah’s face…Lord Segun gave 10,000 bursts of laughter from the side vault of the forest…while Lord Nathan remained unbothered by this turn of events…one potato, two potato…no1curr…if one potato was to fall then there would always be another …?…

…anyway, meanwhile…no one could find the one they called Khaled, it was as if he had completely vanished…they asked Prince Thomas…’where is the one they call Khaled/we call Khaled/who calls Khaled/please hold while we connect and stay on the line for a glass of wine etc)…’…but as always, Prince Thomas remained silent…was there a reason why he never spoke…?..was this some kind of witchery that Ali of Persia had brought about….?….suddenly there was an unapologetic eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek from the other side of the forest…‘that shriek is coming from the vault..’…they all said together, as they trembled and huddled and chanted the protective raps that Marchy had taught them to chant at such dangerous times.

The "eek" from the forest was foreboding. Somewhat sinister. Was it aliens or something else? The message slowly came through. They couldn't understand at first.

"What is it?" Ali questioned.

"M"!

"I'm not sure?" Nathan retorted.

"S!"

It's like the davinci code! Suddenly it all became clear.

"MSG!" cried the call from the heavens. "MSG!"

Lady Emma knew such vocabulary because she had attended the School of Soufend which was a highly sought after place for parents wanting their child to get the best possible education.

Anyway, to cut a long story short they all ended up arriving at Coconut Bay in the Welsh forest. Izaaz was there to greet them. "I've been waiting here 12 hours for you guys! I've got sleep deprivation! Not impressed!"

They had to tip-toe around him and let him sleep.

Later on, when he awoke, everyone was in the mood to go out. "I know!" Segun exclaimed. "Let's go to The Vault!" "I've heard it's a cool place and there's even a casino! You can win money in there!" Not everyone was on board though, but they'll went anyway. He got to the door but then realised he only had 4 tickets and the night was sold out. Who would he choose?

Lady Emma had such influence around such vocabulary. She had attended the School of Soufend which was a highly sought after place for parents wanting their child to get the best possible education.

Anyway, to cut a long story short they all ended up arriving at Coconut Bay in the Welsh forest. Izaaz was there to greet them. "I've been waiting here 12 hours for you guys! I've got sleep deprivation! Not impressed!"

They had to tip-toe around him and let him sleep.

Later on, when he awoke, everyone was in the mood to go out. "I know!" Segun exclaimed. "Let's go to The Vault!" "I've heard it's a cool place and there's even a casino! You can win money in there!" Not everyone was on board though, but they'll went anyway. He got to the door but then realised he only had 4 tickets and the night was sold out. Who would he choose?

…none of them had realised that while they were roaming the forest and triggering each other and fighting for air(time) …that The Vault had become more popular and sought after and restricted entry that The Oasis, which had previously been the forest it place since Liam and Noel had popped in for a cup of tea…so anyway, who would Lord Segun give the other three £10,000 street value golden tickets to…Lady Emma?… hmmmmmm, no because as much as she was a delightful lady whether she kept her upper garments on or not…(…no one knows if those rumours of back in the day had truth…)…if she was in the Vault, all she would ask is…’do you love her/is this true love’ and that had become tedious 6758975647 years ago…Lord Segun decided that he would invite the Lady Ali from Persia but that he would have to ask her to change her garment clothing because water melons were so last season…and because he had been accused of camp-ness, he had to keep a focus on fashion etc …he wouldn’t invite Marchy because Marchy was too in your face and The Vault was claustrophobic enough without that closeness happening…he wouldn’t invite Lord Thomas to the party event because…who would?….he wouldn’t invite Lady Sarah because she had become very controversial in her ways and there was no room in The Vault for controversy…The Vault already had 99 problems but controversy ain’t one of them…he would definitely invite the potato girl because that was such a versatile choice…there are so many potato variations…and aha, he would also invite Lord Nathan because that would be a shoe in or a lubricated back-foot in to the Royal Household…Lord Nathan had influential connections and Lord Segun was going to cash in £10,000 on those….

…so…it had been decided, the four was complete….

[Mrluvaluva]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

"I felt like a butchers bin bag as Nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl..

"BP" Nathan whispered in her ear. "Do not be alarmed my sweet maiden for I have come to save you. I am your destiny. I am the greatest purveyor of pork in the whole region. I will show you my credentials and you will truly believe the love I have for you. See my pork sword! I will use it to slay any man or beast who contends me"!

…that was such a sweet tenderloin of pork moment, she sighed…then suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of a large chop nearby.

The chopping noise came from the sound of Nathan slapping his tenderloin on the table. "Here are my wares! he exclaimed. It is 2 fingers and a hand span. The measurements used at that time. It hushed the whole room. Suddenly a lowly voice filled the room.

It was not a voice though…it was Lady Emma from the House of Essex, who had been doing her daily bend and snap fitness regime…but she forgot the bend bit and what they heard were her screams…but in the corner of their eye, they could see a broken brush that Lady Emma had intended to use to paint 50 shades of black.

Black was her darkness. It was shrouded in her soul. She had a brush with death but she was still lucid. She needed to alert her companions of her predicament. She thought hard for hours. Suddenly she came up with a plan. She would cartwheel out of there. Her mind was shot but unfortunately her back was also. Her legs were like jelly but she didn't realise the consequences of that move. She found her phone nearby and had to call Lady Ali, who had crossed oceans in the travel from her home in Persia…whatever the cartwheel dilemma,

Lady Ali from Persia always had a theory so Lady Emma knew this was the call she had to make…(…and so to another chapter…)….

…when Persian Lady Ali from Persia, the great and wonderous theorist of their time, took the phone call …she was having a soothing back-foot suck and lubrication from her foot maidens, Hanah and Segun.

Well Lady Ali from Persia had taught such a thing to Lady Emma. Also Lady Martha. Who didn't quite execute said move so eloquently. Lady Emma had taken her teachings on board but she was still wary of her intentions towards herself after seeing the consequences of Lady Ali's previous misgivings. Lady Emma was confused. "How could this be"? she exclaimed. "Is she a witch? A red witch at that!"

The souls of Segunion and Khaledish had entered Lady Ali's body. She was being taken over by Marchy Marchy. "Ohhh. He's cute" she exclaimed. She had no power to resist at that point. She was gone. Her mind was not her own. Then suddenly her cute and beloved Marchy March screeched ‘they’ve taken my chicken…!!!!!!!!!!…’…those vampires have taken my chicken and now all I have in this dark period of my life is tea bags…?…this is so wrong and so tragic and awful that I’ve lost one of Marchy’s and now am just a one March peasant rap boy….but aha..!!!!!!!, he know who could help fix this…Oh My Daze Fairy Queen who lived behind the wall…she generally spent her time stuck to trees and plants and things, but he would seek her out…he would enter the dark forest and find her…but first, he must get the red witch Ali to help him through the wall.

The red witch cast a spell.

“Double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble”

The cauldron began to bubble. It cast a whole fog in the immediate area. She tried to use her invisibility cloak to escape the proceedings but she was clocked by Lady Lily of Warrington. "I see ya!" she exclaimed in excitement. The fairy queen Daze reached out to the red witch with a branch from the tree she was glued to and lifted her up, thus saving her from the baying crowd that had gathered.

Suddenly Lord Nathan returned from his travels and caused a diversion.

"I am back from my explorations! I have been to a place called Espania! Here I found many things but the most wondrous of them all is the potato!"

The crowd gasped..

"It will grow from my love and attention! I will nurture it until it is mature! I will never leave it's side!"

It was at that point Lord Thomas piped up and proclaimed…’I will choose my words carefully because I don’t have many words to say, I was given them very sparingly as there wasn’t many words left for my part in all of this…I will take whatever I get, though and I will use them for the good of …well, me’….

…although all intentions were good and enthusiasm was among them…the truth of it is that none knew how to nurture and grow the potato so that they could all share it in a roast dinner…as it was, the portions would be very small so they needed to increase those to satisfy their hungry stomach areas…poor Marchy’s area in the olden days had resembled a washboard but now it was sadly just a little withering bit of flesh and bone…they decided to travel to Coconut Bay in the heart of the Welsh forest to seek the help of the Wolfman, Izaaz…they didn’t even know whether he really existed as he had only ever been a mention of stories…he was a man of principles and honour unless he was sleep deprived…and then his wolf would emerge and he’d get very grumpy…but they would take that risk, that this encounter would see him more cheerful and helpful….and they’d take him some Welsh leeks, which would help enhance his mood…so off they all went, trekking toward the forest…but suddenly..

Marchys baby popped out. It was like a scene from Alien! His washboard had become a paunch. Some people thought it was a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a rock potato!

Ahh. Ahh. Ahh.

Ali inspected the carnage that ensued. "He's dead!" she proclaimed. " Now the Kingdom is mine! All mine!"

Lady Hanah was in full disagreement. "See my prince? Prince Segun? He will lift me up out of here and we shall rule this land forever!"

Prince Thomas stayed silent.

In the meantime someone removed Lord Nathan's baked potato for forensic analysis. It was the wicked red witch! She had mind control over Lord Segun and asked him to explain his actions. He crumbled under her superior powers.

His explanation of events riled the red witch. She wasn't standing for such ****ery.

Lady Sarah just stood by and watched. She couldn't intervene because Marchy was in her face and screaming…’you’re not an influencer…!!!!!!!!!…you women-folk always think that you are, that you are people of influence …but no, that’s only the bros - the Mandem are the only ones in this land who have any influence over others’…and as Marchy was screaming that right up in Lady Sarah’s face…Lord Segun gave 10,000 bursts of laughter from the side vault of the forest…while Lord Nathan remained unbothered by this turn of events…one potato, two potato…no1curr…if one potato was to fall then there would always be another …?…

…anyway, meanwhile…no one could find the one they called Khaled, it was as if he had completely vanished…they asked Prince Thomas…’where is the one they call Khaled/we call Khaled/who calls Khaled/please hold while we connect and stay on the line for a glass of wine etc)…’…but as always, Prince Thomas remained silent…was there a reason why he never spoke…?..was this some kind of witchery that Ali of Persia had brought about….?….suddenly there was an unapologetic eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek from the other side of the forest…‘that shriek is coming from the vault..’…they all said together, as they trembled and huddled and chanted the protective raps that Marchy had taught them to chant at such dangerous times.

The "eek" from the forest was foreboding. Somewhat sinister. Was it aliens or something else? The message slowly came through. They couldn't understand at first.

"What is it?" Ali questioned.

"M"!

"I'm not sure?" Nathan retorted.

"S!"

It's like the davinci code! Suddenly it all became clear.

"MSG!" cried the call from the heavens. "MSG!"

Lady Emma knew such vocabulary because she had attended the School of Soufend which was a highly sought after place for parents wanting their child to get the best possible education.

Anyway, to cut a long story short they all ended up arriving at Coconut Bay in the Welsh forest. Izaaz was there to greet them. "I've been waiting here 12 hours for you guys! I've got sleep deprivation! Not impressed!"

They had to tip-toe around him and let him sleep.

Later on, when he awoke, everyone was in the mood to go out. "I know!" Segun exclaimed. "Let's go to The Vault!" "I've heard it's a cool place and there's even a casino! You can win money in there!" Not everyone was on board though, but they'll went anyway. He got to the door but then realised he only had 4 tickets and the night was sold out. Who would he choose?

none of them had realised that while they were roaming the forest and triggering each other and fighting for air(time) …that The Vault had become more popular and sought after and restricted entry that The Oasis, which had previously been the forest it place since Liam and Noel had popped in for a cup of tea…so anyway, who would Lord Segun give the other three £10,000 street value golden tickets to…Lady Emma?… hmmmmmm, no because as much as she was a delightful lady whether she kept her upper garments on or not…(…no one knows if those rumours of back in the day had truth…)…if she was in the Vault, all she would ask is…’do you love her/is this true love’ and that had become tedious 6758975647 years ago…Lord Segun decided that he would invite the Lady Ali from Persia but that he would have to ask her to change her garment clothing because water melons were so last season…and because he had been accused of camp-ness, he had to keep a focus on fashion etc …he wouldn’t invite Marchy because Marchy was too in your face and The Vault was claustrophobic enough without that closeness happening…he wouldn’t invite Lord Thomas to the party event because…who would?….he wouldn’t invite Lady Sarah because she had become very controversial in her ways and there was no room in The Vault for controversy…The Vault already had 99 problems but controversy ain’t one of them…he would definitely invite the potato girl because that was such a versatile choice…there are so many potato variations…and aha, he would also invite Lord Nathan because that would be a shoe in or a lubricated back-foot in to the Royal Household…Lord Nathan had influential connections and Lord Segun was going to cash in £10,000 on those….

…so…it had been decided, the four was complete.

Yet Lady Ali wasn't happy with such a decision. Since Lord Liam and Noel had entered the foray. She couldn't understand her perspective.

"Am I liked or am I not liked"! "I think I am but I'm not so sure? D'ya know what I mean"?

"Let's do a poll"!

She called a general election in the land known only to the the locals as Nonsensical.

She brought thunder, rain and damnation.

"Oi shall rule this damn land as I please"!

Suddenly the heavens opened.

It was the angel GoldHeart who proclaimed "You will not take us on my watch"! "Never"!

Then the archangel of loveliness GlitterUK appeared. Giving voice of reason. "Prove you are worthy"!

The almighty Vesavius then roared with their voice.

"If you ain't down you ain't comin' in".

Heaven suddenly became a different place. Confusion took over. Then..

[Ammi]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

"I felt like a butchers bin bag as Nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl..

"BP" Nathan whispered in her ear. "Do not be alarmed my sweet maiden for I have come to save you. I am your destiny. I am the greatest purveyor of pork in the whole region. I will show you my credentials and you will truly believe the love I have for you. See my pork sword! I will use it to slay any man or beast who contends me"!

…that was such a sweet tenderloin of pork moment, she sighed…then suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of a large chop nearby.

The chopping noise came from the sound of Nathan slapping his tenderloin on the table. "Here are my wares! he exclaimed. It is 2 fingers and a hand span. The measurements used at that time. It hushed the whole room. Suddenly a lowly voice filled the room.

It was not a voice though…it was Lady Emma from the House of Essex, who had been doing her daily bend and snap fitness regime…but she forgot the bend bit and what they heard were her screams…but in the corner of their eye, they could see a broken brush that Lady Emma had intended to use to paint 50 shades of black.

Black was her darkness. It was shrouded in her soul. She had a brush with death but she was still lucid. She needed to alert her companions of her predicament. She thought hard for hours. Suddenly she came up with a plan. She would cartwheel out of there. Her mind was shot but unfortunately her back was also. Her legs were like jelly but she didn't realise the consequences of that move. She found her phone nearby and had to call Lady Ali, who had crossed oceans in the travel from her home in Persia…whatever the cartwheel dilemma,

Lady Ali from Persia always had a theory so Lady Emma knew this was the call she had to make…(…and so to another chapter…)….

…when Persian Lady Ali from Persia, the great and wonderous theorist of their time, took the phone call …she was having a soothing back-foot suck and lubrication from her foot maidens, Hanah and Segun.

Well Lady Ali from Persia had taught such a thing to Lady Emma. Also Lady Martha. Who didn't quite execute said move so eloquently. Lady Emma had taken her teachings on board but she was still wary of her intentions towards herself after seeing the consequences of Lady Ali's previous misgivings. Lady Emma was confused. "How could this be"? she exclaimed. "Is she a witch? A red witch at that!"

The souls of Segunion and Khaledish had entered Lady Ali's body. She was being taken over by Marchy Marchy. "Ohhh. He's cute" she exclaimed. She had no power to resist at that point. She was gone. Her mind was not her own. Then suddenly her cute and beloved Marchy March screeched ‘they’ve taken my chicken…!!!!!!!!!!…’…those vampires have taken my chicken and now all I have in this dark period of my life is tea bags…?…this is so wrong and so tragic and awful that I’ve lost one of Marchy’s and now am just a one March peasant rap boy….but aha..!!!!!!!, he know who could help fix this…Oh My Daze Fairy Queen who lived behind the wall…she generally spent her time stuck to trees and plants and things, but he would seek her out…he would enter the dark forest and find her…but first, he must get the red witch Ali to help him through the wall.

The red witch cast a spell.

“Double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble”

The cauldron began to bubble. It cast a whole fog in the immediate area. She tried to use her invisibility cloak to escape the proceedings but she was clocked by Lady Lily of Warrington. "I see ya!" she exclaimed in excitement. The fairy queen Daze reached out to the red witch with a branch from the tree she was glued to and lifted her up, thus saving her from the baying crowd that had gathered.

Suddenly Lord Nathan returned from his travels and caused a diversion.

"I am back from my explorations! I have been to a place called Espania! Here I found many things but the most wondrous of them all is the potato!"

The crowd gasped..

"It will grow from my love and attention! I will nurture it until it is mature! I will never leave it's side!"

It was at that point Lord Thomas piped up and proclaimed…’I will choose my words carefully because I don’t have many words to say, I was given them very sparingly as there wasn’t many words left for my part in all of this…I will take whatever I get, though and I will use them for the good of …well, me’….

…although all intentions were good and enthusiasm was among them…the truth of it is that none knew how to nurture and grow the potato so that they could all share it in a roast dinner…as it was, the portions would be very small so they needed to increase those to satisfy their hungry stomach areas…poor Marchy’s area in the olden days had resembled a washboard but now it was sadly just a little withering bit of flesh and bone…they decided to travel to Coconut Bay in the heart of the Welsh forest to seek the help of the Wolfman, Izaaz…they didn’t even know whether he really existed as he had only ever been a mention of stories…he was a man of principles and honour unless he was sleep deprived…and then his wolf would emerge and he’d get very grumpy…but they would take that risk, that this encounter would see him more cheerful and helpful….and they’d take him some Welsh leeks, which would help enhance his mood…so off they all went, trekking toward the forest…but suddenly..

Marchys baby popped out. It was like a scene from Alien! His washboard had become a paunch. Some people thought it was a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a rock potato!

Ahh. Ahh. Ahh.

Ali inspected the carnage that ensued. "He's dead!" she proclaimed. " Now the Kingdom is mine! All mine!"

Lady Hanah was in full disagreement. "See my prince? Prince Segun? He will lift me up out of here and we shall rule this land forever!"

Prince Thomas stayed silent.

In the meantime someone removed Lord Nathan's baked potato for forensic analysis. It was the wicked red witch! She had mind control over Lord Segun and asked him to explain his actions. He crumbled under her superior powers.

His explanation of events riled the red witch. She wasn't standing for such ****ery.

Lady Sarah just stood by and watched. She couldn't intervene because Marchy was in her face and screaming…’you’re not an influencer…!!!!!!!!!…you women-folk always think that you are, that you are people of influence …but no, that’s only the bros - the Mandem are the only ones in this land who have any influence over others’…and as Marchy was screaming that right up in Lady Sarah’s face…Lord Segun gave 10,000 bursts of laughter from the side vault of the forest…while Lord Nathan remained unbothered by this turn of events…one potato, two potato…no1curr…if one potato was to fall then there would always be another …?…

…anyway, meanwhile…no one could find the one they called Khaled, it was as if he had completely vanished…they asked Prince Thomas…’where is the one they call Khaled/we call Khaled/who calls Khaled/please hold while we connect and stay on the line for a glass of wine etc)…’…but as always, Prince Thomas remained silent…was there a reason why he never spoke…?..was this some kind of witchery that Ali of Persia had brought about….?….suddenly there was an unapologetic eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek from the other side of the forest…‘that shriek is coming from the vault..’…they all said together, as they trembled and huddled and chanted the protective raps that Marchy had taught them to chant at such dangerous times.

The "eek" from the forest was foreboding. Somewhat sinister. Was it aliens or something else? The message slowly came through. They couldn't understand at first.

"What is it?" Ali questioned.

"M"!

"I'm not sure?" Nathan retorted.

"S!"

It's like the davinci code! Suddenly it all became clear.

"MSG!" cried the call from the heavens. "MSG!"

Lady Emma knew such vocabulary because she had attended the School of Soufend which was a highly sought after place for parents wanting their child to get the best possible education.

Anyway, to cut a long story short they all ended up arriving at Coconut Bay in the Welsh forest. Izaaz was there to greet them. "I've been waiting here 12 hours for you guys! I've got sleep deprivation! Not impressed!"

They had to tip-toe around him and let him sleep.

Later on, when he awoke, everyone was in the mood to go out. "I know!" Segun exclaimed. "Let's go to The Vault!" "I've heard it's a cool place and there's even a casino! You can win money in there!" Not everyone was on board though, but they'll went anyway. He got to the door but then realised he only had 4 tickets and the night was sold out. Who would he choose?

none of them had realised that while they were roaming the forest and triggering each other and fighting for air(time) …that The Vault had become more popular and sought after and restricted entry that The Oasis, which had previously been the forest it place since Liam and Noel had popped in for a cup of tea…so anyway, who would Lord Segun give the other three £10,000 street value golden tickets to…Lady Emma?… hmmmmmm, no because as much as she was a delightful lady whether she kept her upper garments on or not…(…no one knows if those rumours of back in the day had truth…)…if she was in the Vault, all she would ask is…’do you love her/is this true love’ and that had become tedious 6758975647 years ago…Lord Segun decided that he would invite the Lady Ali from Persia but that he would have to ask her to change her garment clothing because water melons were so last season…and because he had been accused of camp-ness, he had to keep a focus on fashion etc …he wouldn’t invite Marchy because Marchy was too in your face and The Vault was claustrophobic enough without that closeness happening…he wouldn’t invite Lord Thomas to the party event because…who would?….he wouldn’t invite Lady Sarah because she had become very controversial in her ways and there was no room in The Vault for controversy…The Vault already had 99 problems but controversy ain’t one of them…he would definitely invite the potato girl because that was such a versatile choice…there are so many potato variations…and aha, he would also invite Lord Nathan because that would be a shoe in or a lubricated back-foot in to the Royal Household…Lord Nathan had influential connections and Lord Segun was going to cash in £10,000 on those….

…so…it had been decided, the four was complete.

Yet Lady Ali wasn't happy with such a decision. Since Lord Liam and Noel had entered the foray. She couldn't understand her perspective.

"Am I liked or am I not liked"! "I think I am but I'm not so sure? D'ya know what I mean"?

"Let's do a poll"!

She called a general election in the land known only to the the locals as Nonsensical.

She brought thunder, rain and damnation.

"Oi shall rule this damn land as I please"!

Suddenly the heavens opened.

It was the angel GoldHeart who proclaimed "You will not take us on my watch"! "Never"!

Then the archangel of loveliness GlitterUK appeared. Giving voice of reason. "Prove you are worthy"!

The almighty Vesavius then roared with their voice.

"If you ain't down you ain't comin' in".

Heaven suddenly became a different place. Confusion took over. Then suddenly the confusion all cleared as on the horizon and over yonder, walking toward them…(…it was more floating than walking…)…was the wonderous legend of olde, the Grand Old Micknall Hucknall, the wizened old wizard…Lady Emma from Soufend gasped…and then she gasped again….and then another gasp…seeing this vision appear was like holding back the years that had come between the last time she saw Micknall Hucknall …but would he know her by now, she wondered…?…I mean, back in the day…something got them started but money became too tight to mention…but here was Lord Segun, mentioning his £10,000 money every few moments ….and that seemed to have released and broken the curse of being to tight to mention-ness….GoldHeart, GlitterUK, the one they called vesavius weren’t having any of the grand olde Micknall, though…this was their fairground and their watch and their Soufend Lady Emma…so let’s get ruthless, they said/screached/eeeeeeeeeeked and shouted in a cry that could only be described as ‘battle’….

[Mrluvaluva]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

"I felt like a butchers bin bag as Nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl..

"BP" Nathan whispered in her ear. "Do not be alarmed my sweet maiden for I have come to save you. I am your destiny. I am the greatest purveyor of pork in the whole region. I will show you my credentials and you will truly believe the love I have for you. See my pork sword! I will use it to slay any man or beast who contends me"!

…that was such a sweet tenderloin of pork moment, she sighed…then suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of a large chop nearby.

The chopping noise came from the sound of Nathan slapping his tenderloin on the table. "Here are my wares! he exclaimed. It is 2 fingers and a hand span. The measurements used at that time. It hushed the whole room. Suddenly a lowly voice filled the room.

It was not a voice though…it was Lady Emma from the House of Essex, who had been doing her daily bend and snap fitness regime…but she forgot the bend bit and what they heard were her screams…but in the corner of their eye, they could see a broken brush that Lady Emma had intended to use to paint 50 shades of black.

Black was her darkness. It was shrouded in her soul. She had a brush with death but she was still lucid. She needed to alert her companions of her predicament. She thought hard for hours. Suddenly she came up with a plan. She would cartwheel out of there. Her mind was shot but unfortunately her back was also. Her legs were like jelly but she didn't realise the consequences of that move. She found her phone nearby and had to call Lady Ali, who had crossed oceans in the travel from her home in Persia…whatever the cartwheel dilemma,

Lady Ali from Persia always had a theory so Lady Emma knew this was the call she had to make…(…and so to another chapter…)….

…when Persian Lady Ali from Persia, the great and wonderous theorist of their time, took the phone call …she was having a soothing back-foot suck and lubrication from her foot maidens, Hanah and Segun.

Well Lady Ali from Persia had taught such a thing to Lady Emma. Also Lady Martha. Who didn't quite execute said move so eloquently. Lady Emma had taken her teachings on board but she was still wary of her intentions towards herself after seeing the consequences of Lady Ali's previous misgivings. Lady Emma was confused. "How could this be"? she exclaimed. "Is she a witch? A red witch at that!"

The souls of Segunion and Khaledish had entered Lady Ali's body. She was being taken over by Marchy Marchy. "Ohhh. He's cute" she exclaimed. She had no power to resist at that point. She was gone. Her mind was not her own. Then suddenly her cute and beloved Marchy March screeched ‘they’ve taken my chicken…!!!!!!!!!!…’…those vampires have taken my chicken and now all I have in this dark period of my life is tea bags…?…this is so wrong and so tragic and awful that I’ve lost one of Marchy’s and now am just a one March peasant rap boy….but aha..!!!!!!!, he know who could help fix this…Oh My Daze Fairy Queen who lived behind the wall…she generally spent her time stuck to trees and plants and things, but he would seek her out…he would enter the dark forest and find her…but first, he must get the red witch Ali to help him through the wall.

The red witch cast a spell.

“Double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble”

The cauldron began to bubble. It cast a whole fog in the immediate area. She tried to use her invisibility cloak to escape the proceedings but she was clocked by Lady Lily of Warrington. "I see ya!" she exclaimed in excitement. The fairy queen Daze reached out to the red witch with a branch from the tree she was glued to and lifted her up, thus saving her from the baying crowd that had gathered.

Suddenly Lord Nathan returned from his travels and caused a diversion.

"I am back from my explorations! I have been to a place called Espania! Here I found many things but the most wondrous of them all is the potato!"

The crowd gasped..

"It will grow from my love and attention! I will nurture it until it is mature! I will never leave it's side!"

It was at that point Lord Thomas piped up and proclaimed…’I will choose my words carefully because I don’t have many words to say, I was given them very sparingly as there wasn’t many words left for my part in all of this…I will take whatever I get, though and I will use them for the good of …well, me’….

…although all intentions were good and enthusiasm was among them…the truth of it is that none knew how to nurture and grow the potato so that they could all share it in a roast dinner…as it was, the portions would be very small so they needed to increase those to satisfy their hungry stomach areas…poor Marchy’s area in the olden days had resembled a washboard but now it was sadly just a little withering bit of flesh and bone…they decided to travel to Coconut Bay in the heart of the Welsh forest to seek the help of the Wolfman, Izaaz…they didn’t even know whether he really existed as he had only ever been a mention of stories…he was a man of principles and honour unless he was sleep deprived…and then his wolf would emerge and he’d get very grumpy…but they would take that risk, that this encounter would see him more cheerful and helpful….and they’d take him some Welsh leeks, which would help enhance his mood…so off they all went, trekking toward the forest…but suddenly..

Marchys baby popped out. It was like a scene from Alien! His washboard had become a paunch. Some people thought it was a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a rock potato!

Ahh. Ahh. Ahh.

Ali inspected the carnage that ensued. "He's dead!" she proclaimed. " Now the Kingdom is mine! All mine!"

Lady Hanah was in full disagreement. "See my prince? Prince Segun? He will lift me up out of here and we shall rule this land forever!"

Prince Thomas stayed silent.

In the meantime someone removed Lord Nathan's baked potato for forensic analysis. It was the wicked red witch! She had mind control over Lord Segun and asked him to explain his actions. He crumbled under her superior powers.

His explanation of events riled the red witch. She wasn't standing for such ****ery.

Lady Sarah just stood by and watched. She couldn't intervene because Marchy was in her face and screaming…’you’re not an influencer…!!!!!!!!!…you women-folk always think that you are, that you are people of influence …but no, that’s only the bros - the Mandem are the only ones in this land who have any influence over others’…and as Marchy was screaming that right up in Lady Sarah’s face…Lord Segun gave 10,000 bursts of laughter from the side vault of the forest…while Lord Nathan remained unbothered by this turn of events…one potato, two potato…no1curr…if one potato was to fall then there would always be another …?…

…anyway, meanwhile…no one could find the one they called Khaled, it was as if he had completely vanished…they asked Prince Thomas…’where is the one they call Khaled/we call Khaled/who calls Khaled/please hold while we connect and stay on the line for a glass of wine etc)…’…but as always, Prince Thomas remained silent…was there a reason why he never spoke…?..was this some kind of witchery that Ali of Persia had brought about….?….suddenly there was an unapologetic eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek from the other side of the forest…‘that shriek is coming from the vault..’…they all said together, as they trembled and huddled and chanted the protective raps that Marchy had taught them to chant at such dangerous times.

The "eek" from the forest was foreboding. Somewhat sinister. Was it aliens or something else? The message slowly came through. They couldn't understand at first.

"What is it?" Ali questioned.

"M"!

"I'm not sure?" Nathan retorted.

"S!"

It's like the davinci code! Suddenly it all became clear.

"MSG!" cried the call from the heavens. "MSG!"

Lady Emma knew such vocabulary because she had attended the School of Soufend which was a highly sought after place for parents wanting their child to get the best possible education.

Anyway, to cut a long story short they all ended up arriving at Coconut Bay in the Welsh forest. Izaaz was there to greet them. "I've been waiting here 12 hours for you guys! I've got sleep deprivation! Not impressed!"

They had to tip-toe around him and let him sleep.

Later on, when he awoke, everyone was in the mood to go out. "I know!" Segun exclaimed. "Let's go to The Vault!" "I've heard it's a cool place and there's even a casino! You can win money in there!" Not everyone was on board though, but they'll went anyway. He got to the door but then realised he only had 4 tickets and the night was sold out. Who would he choose?

none of them had realised that while they were roaming the forest and triggering each other and fighting for air(time) …that The Vault had become more popular and sought after and restricted entry that The Oasis, which had previously been the forest it place since Liam and Noel had popped in for a cup of tea…so anyway, who would Lord Segun give the other three £10,000 street value golden tickets to…Lady Emma?… hmmmmmm, no because as much as she was a delightful lady whether she kept her upper garments on or not…(…no one knows if those rumours of back in the day had truth…)…if she was in the Vault, all she would ask is…’do you love her/is this true love’ and that had become tedious 6758975647 years ago…Lord Segun decided that he would invite the Lady Ali from Persia but that he would have to ask her to change her garment clothing because water melons were so last season…and because he had been accused of camp-ness, he had to keep a focus on fashion etc …he wouldn’t invite Marchy because Marchy was too in your face and The Vault was claustrophobic enough without that closeness happening…he wouldn’t invite Lord Thomas to the party event because…who would?….he wouldn’t invite Lady Sarah because she had become very controversial in her ways and there was no room in The Vault for controversy…The Vault already had 99 problems but controversy ain’t one of them…he would definitely invite the potato girl because that was such a versatile choice…there are so many potato variations…and aha, he would also invite Lord Nathan because that would be a shoe in or a lubricated back-foot in to the Royal Household…Lord Nathan had influential connections and Lord Segun was going to cash in £10,000 on those….

…so…it had been decided, the four was complete.

Yet Lady Ali wasn't happy with such a decision. Since Lord Liam and Noel had entered the foray. She couldn't understand her perspective.

"Am I liked or am I not liked"! "I think I am but I'm not so sure? D'ya know what I mean"?

"Let's do a poll"!

She called a general election in the land known only to the the locals as Nonsensical.

She brought thunder, rain and damnation.

"Oi shall rule this damn land as I please"!

Suddenly the heavens opened.

It was the angel GoldHeart who proclaimed "You will not take us on my watch"! "Never"!

Then the archangel of loveliness GlitterUK appeared. Giving voice of reason. "Prove you are worthy"!

The almighty Vesavius then roared with their voice.

"If you ain't down you ain't comin' in".

Heaven suddenly became a different place. Confusion took over. Then suddenly the confusion all cleared as on the horizon and over yonder, walking toward them…(…it was more floating than walking…)…was the wonderous legend of olde, the Grand Old Micknall Hucknall, the wizened old wizard…Lady Emma from Soufend gasped…and then she gasped again….and then another gasp…seeing this vision appear was like holding back the years that had come between the last time she saw Micknall Hucknall …but would he know her by now, she wondered…?…I mean, back in the day…something got them started but money became too tight to mention…but here was Lord Segun, mentioning his £10,000 money every few moments ….and that seemed to have released and broken the curse of being to tight to mention-ness….GoldHeart, GlitterUK, the one they called vesavius weren’t having any of the grand olde Micknall, though…this was their fairground and their watch and their Soufend Lady Emma…so let’s get ruthless, they said/screached/eeeeeeeeeeked and shouted in a cry that could only be described as ‘battle’.

Battle commenced. It was bloody and brutal. They had to fight for their place in the final. Although 2 would be lost along the way. Mick was tossed to the wayside. He had some reasonable moments but was now obsolete. He was eventually slayed from his horse and saw stars. SLAY! Earlier on he went to the fairground. It had a certain attraction.

"Stop this ****ery" Lady Emma of Soufend and the Cheshire set once removed from Wagamama exclaimed!

"There are more important things on the table"! Such as..

[Ammi]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

"I felt like a butchers bin bag as Nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl..

"BP" Nathan whispered in her ear. "Do not be alarmed my sweet maiden for I have come to save you. I am your destiny. I am the greatest purveyor of pork in the whole region. I will show you my credentials and you will truly believe the love I have for you. See my pork sword! I will use it to slay any man or beast who contends me"!

…that was such a sweet tenderloin of pork moment, she sighed…then suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of a large chop nearby.

The chopping noise came from the sound of Nathan slapping his tenderloin on the table. "Here are my wares! he exclaimed. It is 2 fingers and a hand span. The measurements used at that time. It hushed the whole room. Suddenly a lowly voice filled the room.

It was not a voice though…it was Lady Emma from the House of Essex, who had been doing her daily bend and snap fitness regime…but she forgot the bend bit and what they heard were her screams…but in the corner of their eye, they could see a broken brush that Lady Emma had intended to use to paint 50 shades of black.

Black was her darkness. It was shrouded in her soul. She had a brush with death but she was still lucid. She needed to alert her companions of her predicament. She thought hard for hours. Suddenly she came up with a plan. She would cartwheel out of there. Her mind was shot but unfortunately her back was also. Her legs were like jelly but she didn't realise the consequences of that move. She found her phone nearby and had to call Lady Ali, who had crossed oceans in the travel from her home in Persia…whatever the cartwheel dilemma,

Lady Ali from Persia always had a theory so Lady Emma knew this was the call she had to make…(…and so to another chapter…)….

…when Persian Lady Ali from Persia, the great and wonderous theorist of their time, took the phone call …she was having a soothing back-foot suck and lubrication from her foot maidens, Hanah and Segun.

Well Lady Ali from Persia had taught such a thing to Lady Emma. Also Lady Martha. Who didn't quite execute said move so eloquently. Lady Emma had taken her teachings on board but she was still wary of her intentions towards herself after seeing the consequences of Lady Ali's previous misgivings. Lady Emma was confused. "How could this be"? she exclaimed. "Is she a witch? A red witch at that!"

The souls of Segunion and Khaledish had entered Lady Ali's body. She was being taken over by Marchy Marchy. "Ohhh. He's cute" she exclaimed. She had no power to resist at that point. She was gone. Her mind was not her own. Then suddenly her cute and beloved Marchy March screeched ‘they’ve taken my chicken…!!!!!!!!!!…’…those vampires have taken my chicken and now all I have in this dark period of my life is tea bags…?…this is so wrong and so tragic and awful that I’ve lost one of Marchy’s and now am just a one March peasant rap boy….but aha..!!!!!!!, he know who could help fix this…Oh My Daze Fairy Queen who lived behind the wall…she generally spent her time stuck to trees and plants and things, but he would seek her out…he would enter the dark forest and find her…but first, he must get the red witch Ali to help him through the wall.

The red witch cast a spell.

“Double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble”

The cauldron began to bubble. It cast a whole fog in the immediate area. She tried to use her invisibility cloak to escape the proceedings but she was clocked by Lady Lily of Warrington. "I see ya!" she exclaimed in excitement. The fairy queen Daze reached out to the red witch with a branch from the tree she was glued to and lifted her up, thus saving her from the baying crowd that had gathered.

Suddenly Lord Nathan returned from his travels and caused a diversion.

"I am back from my explorations! I have been to a place called Espania! Here I found many things but the most wondrous of them all is the potato!"

The crowd gasped..

"It will grow from my love and attention! I will nurture it until it is mature! I will never leave it's side!"

It was at that point Lord Thomas piped up and proclaimed…’I will choose my words carefully because I don’t have many words to say, I was given them very sparingly as there wasn’t many words left for my part in all of this…I will take whatever I get, though and I will use them for the good of …well, me’….

…although all intentions were good and enthusiasm was among them…the truth of it is that none knew how to nurture and grow the potato so that they could all share it in a roast dinner…as it was, the portions would be very small so they needed to increase those to satisfy their hungry stomach areas…poor Marchy’s area in the olden days had resembled a washboard but now it was sadly just a little withering bit of flesh and bone…they decided to travel to Coconut Bay in the heart of the Welsh forest to seek the help of the Wolfman, Izaaz…they didn’t even know whether he really existed as he had only ever been a mention of stories…he was a man of principles and honour unless he was sleep deprived…and then his wolf would emerge and he’d get very grumpy…but they would take that risk, that this encounter would see him more cheerful and helpful….and they’d take him some Welsh leeks, which would help enhance his mood…so off they all went, trekking toward the forest…but suddenly..

Marchys baby popped out. It was like a scene from Alien! His washboard had become a paunch. Some people thought it was a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a rock potato!

Ahh. Ahh. Ahh.

Ali inspected the carnage that ensued. "He's dead!" she proclaimed. " Now the Kingdom is mine! All mine!"

Lady Hanah was in full disagreement. "See my prince? Prince Segun? He will lift me up out of here and we shall rule this land forever!"

Prince Thomas stayed silent.

In the meantime someone removed Lord Nathan's baked potato for forensic analysis. It was the wicked red witch! She had mind control over Lord Segun and asked him to explain his actions. He crumbled under her superior powers.

His explanation of events riled the red witch. She wasn't standing for such ****ery.

Lady Sarah just stood by and watched. She couldn't intervene because Marchy was in her face and screaming…’you’re not an influencer…!!!!!!!!!…you women-folk always think that you are, that you are people of influence …but no, that’s only the bros - the Mandem are the only ones in this land who have any influence over others’…and as Marchy was screaming that right up in Lady Sarah’s face…Lord Segun gave 10,000 bursts of laughter from the side vault of the forest…while Lord Nathan remained unbothered by this turn of events…one potato, two potato…no1curr…if one potato was to fall then there would always be another …?…

…anyway, meanwhile…no one could find the one they called Khaled, it was as if he had completely vanished…they asked Prince Thomas…’where is the one they call Khaled/we call Khaled/who calls Khaled/please hold while we connect and stay on the line for a glass of wine etc)…’…but as always, Prince Thomas remained silent…was there a reason why he never spoke…?..was this some kind of witchery that Ali of Persia had brought about….?….suddenly there was an unapologetic eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek from the other side of the forest…‘that shriek is coming from the vault..’…they all said together, as they trembled and huddled and chanted the protective raps that Marchy had taught them to chant at such dangerous times.

The "eek" from the forest was foreboding. Somewhat sinister. Was it aliens or something else? The message slowly came through. They couldn't understand at first.

"What is it?" Ali questioned.

"M"!

"I'm not sure?" Nathan retorted.

"S!"

It's like the davinci code! Suddenly it all became clear.

"MSG!" cried the call from the heavens. "MSG!"

Lady Emma knew such vocabulary because she had attended the School of Soufend which was a highly sought after place for parents wanting their child to get the best possible education.

Anyway, to cut a long story short they all ended up arriving at Coconut Bay in the Welsh forest. Izaaz was there to greet them. "I've been waiting here 12 hours for you guys! I've got sleep deprivation! Not impressed!"

They had to tip-toe around him and let him sleep.

Later on, when he awoke, everyone was in the mood to go out. "I know!" Segun exclaimed. "Let's go to The Vault!" "I've heard it's a cool place and there's even a casino! You can win money in there!" Not everyone was on board though, but they'll went anyway. He got to the door but then realised he only had 4 tickets and the night was sold out. Who would he choose?

none of them had realised that while they were roaming the forest and triggering each other and fighting for air(time) …that The Vault had become more popular and sought after and restricted entry that The Oasis, which had previously been the forest it place since Liam and Noel had popped in for a cup of tea…so anyway, who would Lord Segun give the other three £10,000 street value golden tickets to…Lady Emma?… hmmmmmm, no because as much as she was a delightful lady whether she kept her upper garments on or not…(…no one knows if those rumours of back in the day had truth…)…if she was in the Vault, all she would ask is…’do you love her/is this true love’ and that had become tedious 6758975647 years ago…Lord Segun decided that he would invite the Lady Ali from Persia but that he would have to ask her to change her garment clothing because water melons were so last season…and because he had been accused of camp-ness, he had to keep a focus on fashion etc …he wouldn’t invite Marchy because Marchy was too in your face and The Vault was claustrophobic enough without that closeness happening…he wouldn’t invite Lord Thomas to the party event because…who would?….he wouldn’t invite Lady Sarah because she had become very controversial in her ways and there was no room in The Vault for controversy…The Vault already had 99 problems but controversy ain’t one of them…he would definitely invite the potato girl because that was such a versatile choice…there are so many potato variations…and aha, he would also invite Lord Nathan because that would be a shoe in or a lubricated back-foot in to the Royal Household…Lord Nathan had influential connections and Lord Segun was going to cash in £10,000 on those….

…so…it had been decided, the four was complete.

Yet Lady Ali wasn't happy with such a decision. Since Lord Liam and Noel had entered the foray. She couldn't understand her perspective.

"Am I liked or am I not liked"! "I think I am but I'm not so sure? D'ya know what I mean"?

"Let's do a poll"!

She called a general election in the land known only to the the locals as Nonsensical.

She brought thunder, rain and damnation.

"Oi shall rule this damn land as I please"!

Suddenly the heavens opened.

It was the angel GoldHeart who proclaimed "You will not take us on my watch"! "Never"!

Then the archangel of loveliness GlitterUK appeared. Giving voice of reason. "Prove you are worthy"!

The almighty Vesavius then roared with their voice.

"If you ain't down you ain't comin' in".

Heaven suddenly became a different place. Confusion took over. Then suddenly the confusion all cleared as on the horizon and over yonder, walking toward them…(…it was more floating than walking…)…was the wonderous legend of olde, the Grand Old Micknall Hucknall, the wizened old wizard…Lady Emma from Soufend gasped…and then she gasped again….and then another gasp…seeing this vision appear was like holding back the years that had come between the last time she saw Micknall Hucknall …but would he know her by now, she wondered…?…I mean, back in the day…something got them started but money became too tight to mention…but here was Lord Segun, mentioning his £10,000 money every few moments ….and that seemed to have released and broken the curse of being to tight to mention-ness….GoldHeart, GlitterUK, the one they called vesavius weren’t having any of the grand olde Micknall, though…this was their fairground and their watch and their Soufend Lady Emma…so let’s get ruthless, they said/screached/eeeeeeeeeeked and shouted in a cry that could only be described as ‘battle’.

Battle commenced. It was bloody and brutal. They had to fight for their place in the final. Although 2 would be lost along the way. Mick was tossed to the wayside. He had some reasonable moments but was now obsolete. He was eventually slayed from his horse and saw stars. SLAY! Earlier on he went to the fairground. It had a certain attraction.

"Stop this ****ery" Lady Emma of Soufend and the Cheshire set once removed from Wagmama exclaimed!

"There are more important things on the table"! Such as...had Lady Ali from Persia, the red haired one…cursed and besmirched her and ruined the name and reputation of the Lady from Soufend…had she hoodoo’d and voodoo’d her to all or any that would listen…Lady Emma had asked that question to Lady Ali of Persia directly but she had denied her twice…or was it thrice…Lord Thomas of doubting was in the house and he would know …this was all becoming very dark and very serious and no longer felt like a forest game…and they were all setting upon each other…only Lady Hanah had the power of calming with her calming ways …only she had the massaging power to heal this situation that was escalating before her beautiful eyes…‘be still, children …let’s all say it with together and united chest because we are all soft life babes in the wood’….eeeeeking and shrieking and fighting and drama is good and dandy between bredrin…but not when….’….

[Mrluvaluva]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

"I felt like a butchers bin bag as Nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl..

"BP" Nathan whispered in her ear. "Do not be alarmed my sweet maiden for I have come to save you. I am your destiny. I am the greatest purveyor of pork in the whole region. I will show you my credentials and you will truly believe the love I have for you. See my pork sword! I will use it to slay any man or beast who contends me"!

…that was such a sweet tenderloin of pork moment, she sighed…then suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of a large chop nearby.

The chopping noise came from the sound of Nathan slapping his tenderloin on the table. "Here are my wares! he exclaimed. It is 2 fingers and a hand span. The measurements used at that time. It hushed the whole room. Suddenly a lowly voice filled the room.

It was not a voice though…it was Lady Emma from the House of Essex, who had been doing her daily bend and snap fitness regime…but she forgot the bend bit and what they heard were her screams…but in the corner of their eye, they could see a broken brush that Lady Emma had intended to use to paint 50 shades of black.

Black was her darkness. It was shrouded in her soul. She had a brush with death but she was still lucid. She needed to alert her companions of her predicament. She thought hard for hours. Suddenly she came up with a plan. She would cartwheel out of there. Her mind was shot but unfortunately her back was also. Her legs were like jelly but she didn't realise the consequences of that move. She found her phone nearby and had to call Lady Ali, who had crossed oceans in the travel from her home in Persia…whatever the cartwheel dilemma,

Lady Ali from Persia always had a theory so Lady Emma knew this was the call she had to make…(…and so to another chapter…)….

…when Persian Lady Ali from Persia, the great and wonderous theorist of their time, took the phone call …she was having a soothing back-foot suck and lubrication from her foot maidens, Hanah and Segun.

Well Lady Ali from Persia had taught such a thing to Lady Emma. Also Lady Martha. Who didn't quite execute said move so eloquently. Lady Emma had taken her teachings on board but she was still wary of her intentions towards herself after seeing the consequences of Lady Ali's previous misgivings. Lady Emma was confused. "How could this be"? she exclaimed. "Is she a witch? A red witch at that!"

The souls of Segunion and Khaledish had entered Lady Ali's body. She was being taken over by Marchy Marchy. "Ohhh. He's cute" she exclaimed. She had no power to resist at that point. She was gone. Her mind was not her own. Then suddenly her cute and beloved Marchy March screeched ‘they’ve taken my chicken…!!!!!!!!!!…’…those vampires have taken my chicken and now all I have in this dark period of my life is tea bags…?…this is so wrong and so tragic and awful that I’ve lost one of Marchy’s and now am just a one March peasant rap boy….but aha..!!!!!!!, he know who could help fix this…Oh My Daze Fairy Queen who lived behind the wall…she generally spent her time stuck to trees and plants and things, but he would seek her out…he would enter the dark forest and find her…but first, he must get the red witch Ali to help him through the wall.

The red witch cast a spell.

“Double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble”

The cauldron began to bubble. It cast a whole fog in the immediate area. She tried to use her invisibility cloak to escape the proceedings but she was clocked by Lady Lily of Warrington. "I see ya!" she exclaimed in excitement. The fairy queen Daze reached out to the red witch with a branch from the tree she was glued to and lifted her up, thus saving her from the baying crowd that had gathered.

Suddenly Lord Nathan returned from his travels and caused a diversion.

"I am back from my explorations! I have been to a place called Espania! Here I found many things but the most wondrous of them all is the potato!"

The crowd gasped..

"It will grow from my love and attention! I will nurture it until it is mature! I will never leave it's side!"

It was at that point Lord Thomas piped up and proclaimed…’I will choose my words carefully because I don’t have many words to say, I was given them very sparingly as there wasn’t many words left for my part in all of this…I will take whatever I get, though and I will use them for the good of …well, me’….

…although all intentions were good and enthusiasm was among them…the truth of it is that none knew how to nurture and grow the potato so that they could all share it in a roast dinner…as it was, the portions would be very small so they needed to increase those to satisfy their hungry stomach areas…poor Marchy’s area in the olden days had resembled a washboard but now it was sadly just a little withering bit of flesh and bone…they decided to travel to Coconut Bay in the heart of the Welsh forest to seek the help of the Wolfman, Izaaz…they didn’t even know whether he really existed as he had only ever been a mention of stories…he was a man of principles and honour unless he was sleep deprived…and then his wolf would emerge and he’d get very grumpy…but they would take that risk, that this encounter would see him more cheerful and helpful….and they’d take him some Welsh leeks, which would help enhance his mood…so off they all went, trekking toward the forest…but suddenly..

Marchys baby popped out. It was like a scene from Alien! His washboard had become a paunch. Some people thought it was a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a rock potato!

Ahh. Ahh. Ahh.

Ali inspected the carnage that ensued. "He's dead!" she proclaimed. " Now the Kingdom is mine! All mine!"

Lady Hanah was in full disagreement. "See my prince? Prince Segun? He will lift me up out of here and we shall rule this land forever!"

Prince Thomas stayed silent.

In the meantime someone removed Lord Nathan's baked potato for forensic analysis. It was the wicked red witch! She had mind control over Lord Segun and asked him to explain his actions. He crumbled under her superior powers.

His explanation of events riled the red witch. She wasn't standing for such ****ery.

Lady Sarah just stood by and watched. She couldn't intervene because Marchy was in her face and screaming…’you’re not an influencer…!!!!!!!!!…you women-folk always think that you are, that you are people of influence …but no, that’s only the bros - the Mandem are the only ones in this land who have any influence over others’…and as Marchy was screaming that right up in Lady Sarah’s face…Lord Segun gave 10,000 bursts of laughter from the side vault of the forest…while Lord Nathan remained unbothered by this turn of events…one potato, two potato…no1curr…if one potato was to fall then there would always be another …?…

…anyway, meanwhile…no one could find the one they called Khaled, it was as if he had completely vanished…they asked Prince Thomas…’where is the one they call Khaled/we call Khaled/who calls Khaled/please hold while we connect and stay on the line for a glass of wine etc)…’…but as always, Prince Thomas remained silent…was there a reason why he never spoke…?..was this some kind of witchery that Ali of Persia had brought about….?….suddenly there was an unapologetic eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek from the other side of the forest…‘that shriek is coming from the vault..’…they all said together, as they trembled and huddled and chanted the protective raps that Marchy had taught them to chant at such dangerous times.

The "eek" from the forest was foreboding. Somewhat sinister. Was it aliens or something else? The message slowly came through. They couldn't understand at first.

"What is it?" Ali questioned.

"M"!

"I'm not sure?" Nathan retorted.

"S!"

It's like the davinci code! Suddenly it all became clear.

"MSG!" cried the call from the heavens. "MSG!"

Lady Emma knew such vocabulary because she had attended the School of Soufend which was a highly sought after place for parents wanting their child to get the best possible education.

Anyway, to cut a long story short they all ended up arriving at Coconut Bay in the Welsh forest. Izaaz was there to greet them. "I've been waiting here 12 hours for you guys! I've got sleep deprivation! Not impressed!"

They had to tip-toe around him and let him sleep.

Later on, when he awoke, everyone was in the mood to go out. "I know!" Segun exclaimed. "Let's go to The Vault!" "I've heard it's a cool place and there's even a casino! You can win money in there!" Not everyone was on board though, but they'll went anyway. He got to the door but then realised he only had 4 tickets and the night was sold out. Who would he choose?

none of them had realised that while they were roaming the forest and triggering each other and fighting for air(time) …that The Vault had become more popular and sought after and restricted entry that The Oasis, which had previously been the forest it place since Liam and Noel had popped in for a cup of tea…so anyway, who would Lord Segun give the other three £10,000 street value golden tickets to…Lady Emma?… hmmmmmm, no because as much as she was a delightful lady whether she kept her upper garments on or not…(…no one knows if those rumours of back in the day had truth…)…if she was in the Vault, all she would ask is…’do you love her/is this true love’ and that had become tedious 6758975647 years ago…Lord Segun decided that he would invite the Lady Ali from Persia but that he would have to ask her to change her garment clothing because water melons were so last season…and because he had been accused of camp-ness, he had to keep a focus on fashion etc …he wouldn’t invite Marchy because Marchy was too in your face and The Vault was claustrophobic enough without that closeness happening…he wouldn’t invite Lord Thomas to the party event because…who would?….he wouldn’t invite Lady Sarah because she had become very controversial in her ways and there was no room in The Vault for controversy…The Vault already had 99 problems but controversy ain’t one of them…he would definitely invite the potato girl because that was such a versatile choice…there are so many potato variations…and aha, he would also invite Lord Nathan because that would be a shoe in or a lubricated back-foot in to the Royal Household…Lord Nathan had influential connections and Lord Segun was going to cash in £10,000 on those….

…so…it had been decided, the four was complete.

Yet Lady Ali wasn't happy with such a decision. Since Lord Liam and Noel had entered the foray. She couldn't understand her perspective.

"Am I liked or am I not liked"! "I think I am but I'm not so sure? D'ya know what I mean"?

"Let's do a poll"!

She called a general election in the land known only to the the locals as Nonsensical.

She brought thunder, rain and damnation.

"Oi shall rule this damn land as I please"!

Suddenly the heavens opened.

It was the angel GoldHeart who proclaimed "You will not take us on my watch"! "Never"!

Then the archangel of loveliness GlitterUK appeared. Giving voice of reason. "Prove you are worthy"!

The almighty Vesavius then roared with their voice.

"If you ain't down you ain't comin' in".

Heaven suddenly became a different place. Confusion took over. Then suddenly the confusion all cleared as on the horizon and over yonder, walking toward them…(…it was more floating than walking…)…was the wonderous legend of olde, the Grand Old Micknall Hucknall, the wizened old wizard…Lady Emma from Soufend gasped…and then she gasped again….and then another gasp…seeing this vision appear was like holding back the years that had come between the last time she saw Micknall Hucknall …but would he know her by now, she wondered…?…I mean, back in the day…something got them started but money became too tight to mention…but here was Lord Segun, mentioning his £10,000 money every few moments ….and that seemed to have released and broken the curse of being to tight to mention-ness….GoldHeart, GlitterUK, the one they called vesavius weren’t having any of the grand olde Micknall, though…this was their fairground and their watch and their Soufend Lady Emma…so let’s get ruthless, they said/screached/eeeeeeeeeeked and shouted in a cry that could only be described as ‘battle’.

Battle commenced. It was bloody and brutal. They had to fight for their place in the final. Although 2 would be lost along the way. Mick was tossed to the wayside. He had some reasonable moments but was now obsolete. He was eventually slayed from his horse and saw stars. SLAY! Earlier on he went to the fairground. It had a certain attraction.

"Stop this ****ery" Lady Emma of Soufend and the Cheshire set once removed from Wagmama exclaimed!

"There are more important things on the table"! Such as...had Lady Ali from Persia, the red haired one…cursed and besmirched her and ruined the name and reputation of the Lady from Soufend…had she hoodoo’d and voodoo’d her to all or any that would listen…Lady Emma had asked that question to Lady Ali of Persia directly but she had denied her twice…or was it thrice…Lord Thomas of doubting was in the house and he would know …this was all becoming very dark and very serious and no longer felt like a forest game…and they were all setting upon each other…only Lady Hanah had the power of calming with her calming ways …only she had the massaging power to heal this situation that was escalating before her beautiful eyes…‘be still, children …let’s all say it with together and united chest because we are all soft life babes in the wood’….eeeeeking and shrieking and fighting and drama is good and dandy between bredrin…but not when Ali says it

Init babes Mm. Deep..mm.

Sarah was just hiding in the background.

Suddenly. A pantomime had started and, unfortunately, she wasn't privy to it.

She had left the party and found herself on the outside.

But who was she with?

She didn't have a clue as she was blindfolded before she left that night. Disorientated she had to walk through the land. She thought she was on her own but then she heard a friendly voice.

Who could it be?

It was..

[Ammi]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

"I felt like a butchers bin bag as Nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl..

"BP" Nathan whispered in her ear. "Do not be alarmed my sweet maiden for I have come to save you. I am your destiny. I am the greatest purveyor of pork in the whole region. I will show you my credentials and you will truly believe the love I have for you. See my pork sword! I will use it to slay any man or beast who contends me"!

…that was such a sweet tenderloin of pork moment, she sighed…then suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of a large chop nearby.

The chopping noise came from the sound of Nathan slapping his tenderloin on the table. "Here are my wares! he exclaimed. It is 2 fingers and a hand span. The measurements used at that time. It hushed the whole room. Suddenly a lowly voice filled the room.

It was not a voice though…it was Lady Emma from the House of Essex, who had been doing her daily bend and snap fitness regime…but she forgot the bend bit and what they heard were her screams…but in the corner of their eye, they could see a broken brush that Lady Emma had intended to use to paint 50 shades of black.

Black was her darkness. It was shrouded in her soul. She had a brush with death but she was still lucid. She needed to alert her companions of her predicament. She thought hard for hours. Suddenly she came up with a plan. She would cartwheel out of there. Her mind was shot but unfortunately her back was also. Her legs were like jelly but she didn't realise the consequences of that move. She found her phone nearby and had to call Lady Ali, who had crossed oceans in the travel from her home in Persia…whatever the cartwheel dilemma,

Lady Ali from Persia always had a theory so Lady Emma knew this was the call she had to make…(…and so to another chapter…)….

…when Persian Lady Ali from Persia, the great and wonderous theorist of their time, took the phone call …she was having a soothing back-foot suck and lubrication from her foot maidens, Hanah and Segun.

Well Lady Ali from Persia had taught such a thing to Lady Emma. Also Lady Martha. Who didn't quite execute said move so eloquently. Lady Emma had taken her teachings on board but she was still wary of her intentions towards herself after seeing the consequences of Lady Ali's previous misgivings. Lady Emma was confused. "How could this be"? she exclaimed. "Is she a witch? A red witch at that!"

The souls of Segunion and Khaledish had entered Lady Ali's body. She was being taken over by Marchy Marchy. "Ohhh. He's cute" she exclaimed. She had no power to resist at that point. She was gone. Her mind was not her own. Then suddenly her cute and beloved Marchy March screeched ‘they’ve taken my chicken…!!!!!!!!!!…’…those vampires have taken my chicken and now all I have in this dark period of my life is tea bags…?…this is so wrong and so tragic and awful that I’ve lost one of Marchy’s and now am just a one March peasant rap boy….but aha..!!!!!!!, he know who could help fix this…Oh My Daze Fairy Queen who lived behind the wall…she generally spent her time stuck to trees and plants and things, but he would seek her out…he would enter the dark forest and find her…but first, he must get the red witch Ali to help him through the wall.

The red witch cast a spell.

“Double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble”

The cauldron began to bubble. It cast a whole fog in the immediate area. She tried to use her invisibility cloak to escape the proceedings but she was clocked by Lady Lily of Warrington. "I see ya!" she exclaimed in excitement. The fairy queen Daze reached out to the red witch with a branch from the tree she was glued to and lifted her up, thus saving her from the baying crowd that had gathered.

Suddenly Lord Nathan returned from his travels and caused a diversion.

"I am back from my explorations! I have been to a place called Espania! Here I found many things but the most wondrous of them all is the potato!"

The crowd gasped..

"It will grow from my love and attention! I will nurture it until it is mature! I will never leave it's side!"

It was at that point Lord Thomas piped up and proclaimed…’I will choose my words carefully because I don’t have many words to say, I was given them very sparingly as there wasn’t many words left for my part in all of this…I will take whatever I get, though and I will use them for the good of …well, me’….

…although all intentions were good and enthusiasm was among them…the truth of it is that none knew how to nurture and grow the potato so that they could all share it in a roast dinner…as it was, the portions would be very small so they needed to increase those to satisfy their hungry stomach areas…poor Marchy’s area in the olden days had resembled a washboard but now it was sadly just a little withering bit of flesh and bone…they decided to travel to Coconut Bay in the heart of the Welsh forest to seek the help of the Wolfman, Izaaz…they didn’t even know whether he really existed as he had only ever been a mention of stories…he was a man of principles and honour unless he was sleep deprived…and then his wolf would emerge and he’d get very grumpy…but they would take that risk, that this encounter would see him more cheerful and helpful….and they’d take him some Welsh leeks, which would help enhance his mood…so off they all went, trekking toward the forest…but suddenly..

Marchys baby popped out. It was like a scene from Alien! His washboard had become a paunch. Some people thought it was a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a rock potato!

Ahh. Ahh. Ahh.

Ali inspected the carnage that ensued. "He's dead!" she proclaimed. " Now the Kingdom is mine! All mine!"

Lady Hanah was in full disagreement. "See my prince? Prince Segun? He will lift me up out of here and we shall rule this land forever!"

Prince Thomas stayed silent.

In the meantime someone removed Lord Nathan's baked potato for forensic analysis. It was the wicked red witch! She had mind control over Lord Segun and asked him to explain his actions. He crumbled under her superior powers.

His explanation of events riled the red witch. She wasn't standing for such ****ery.

Lady Sarah just stood by and watched. She couldn't intervene because Marchy was in her face and screaming…’you’re not an influencer…!!!!!!!!!…you women-folk always think that you are, that you are people of influence …but no, that’s only the bros - the Mandem are the only ones in this land who have any influence over others’…and as Marchy was screaming that right up in Lady Sarah’s face…Lord Segun gave 10,000 bursts of laughter from the side vault of the forest…while Lord Nathan remained unbothered by this turn of events…one potato, two potato…no1curr…if one potato was to fall then there would always be another …?…

…anyway, meanwhile…no one could find the one they called Khaled, it was as if he had completely vanished…they asked Prince Thomas…’where is the one they call Khaled/we call Khaled/who calls Khaled/please hold while we connect and stay on the line for a glass of wine etc)…’…but as always, Prince Thomas remained silent…was there a reason why he never spoke…?..was this some kind of witchery that Ali of Persia had brought about….?….suddenly there was an unapologetic eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek from the other side of the forest…‘that shriek is coming from the vault..’…they all said together, as they trembled and huddled and chanted the protective raps that Marchy had taught them to chant at such dangerous times.

The "eek" from the forest was foreboding. Somewhat sinister. Was it aliens or something else? The message slowly came through. They couldn't understand at first.

"What is it?" Ali questioned.

"M"!

"I'm not sure?" Nathan retorted.

"S!"

It's like the davinci code! Suddenly it all became clear.

"MSG!" cried the call from the heavens. "MSG!"

Lady Emma knew such vocabulary because she had attended the School of Soufend which was a highly sought after place for parents wanting their child to get the best possible education.

Anyway, to cut a long story short they all ended up arriving at Coconut Bay in the Welsh forest. Izaaz was there to greet them. "I've been waiting here 12 hours for you guys! I've got sleep deprivation! Not impressed!"

They had to tip-toe around him and let him sleep.

Later on, when he awoke, everyone was in the mood to go out. "I know!" Segun exclaimed. "Let's go to The Vault!" "I've heard it's a cool place and there's even a casino! You can win money in there!" Not everyone was on board though, but they'll went anyway. He got to the door but then realised he only had 4 tickets and the night was sold out. Who would he choose?

none of them had realised that while they were roaming the forest and triggering each other and fighting for air(time) …that The Vault had become more popular and sought after and restricted entry that The Oasis, which had previously been the forest it place since Liam and Noel had popped in for a cup of tea…so anyway, who would Lord Segun give the other three £10,000 street value golden tickets to…Lady Emma?… hmmmmmm, no because as much as she was a delightful lady whether she kept her upper garments on or not…(…no one knows if those rumours of back in the day had truth…)…if she was in the Vault, all she would ask is…’do you love her/is this true love’ and that had become tedious 6758975647 years ago…Lord Segun decided that he would invite the Lady Ali from Persia but that he would have to ask her to change her garment clothing because water melons were so last season…and because he had been accused of camp-ness, he had to keep a focus on fashion etc …he wouldn’t invite Marchy because Marchy was too in your face and The Vault was claustrophobic enough without that closeness happening…he wouldn’t invite Lord Thomas to the party event because…who would?….he wouldn’t invite Lady Sarah because she had become very controversial in her ways and there was no room in The Vault for controversy…The Vault already had 99 problems but controversy ain’t one of them…he would definitely invite the potato girl because that was such a versatile choice…there are so many potato variations…and aha, he would also invite Lord Nathan because that would be a shoe in or a lubricated back-foot in to the Royal Household…Lord Nathan had influential connections and Lord Segun was going to cash in £10,000 on those….

…so…it had been decided, the four was complete.

Yet Lady Ali wasn't happy with such a decision. Since Lord Liam and Noel had entered the foray. She couldn't understand her perspective.

"Am I liked or am I not liked"! "I think I am but I'm not so sure? D'ya know what I mean"?

"Let's do a poll"!

She called a general election in the land known only to the the locals as Nonsensical.

She brought thunder, rain and damnation.

"Oi shall rule this damn land as I please"!

Suddenly the heavens opened.

It was the angel GoldHeart who proclaimed "You will not take us on my watch"! "Never"!

Then the archangel of loveliness GlitterUK appeared. Giving voice of reason. "Prove you are worthy"!

The almighty Vesavius then roared with their voice.

"If you ain't down you ain't comin' in".

Heaven suddenly became a different place. Confusion took over. Then suddenly the confusion all cleared as on the horizon and over yonder, walking toward them…(…it was more floating than walking…)…was the wonderous legend of olde, the Grand Old Micknall Hucknall, the wizened old wizard…Lady Emma from Soufend gasped…and then she gasped again….and then another gasp…seeing this vision appear was like holding back the years that had come between the last time she saw Micknall Hucknall …but would he know her by now, she wondered…?…I mean, back in the day…something got them started but money became too tight to mention…but here was Lord Segun, mentioning his £10,000 money every few moments ….and that seemed to have released and broken the curse of being to tight to mention-ness….GoldHeart, GlitterUK, the one they called vesavius weren’t having any of the grand olde Micknall, though…this was their fairground and their watch and their Soufend Lady Emma…so let’s get ruthless, they said/screached/eeeeeeeeeeked and shouted in a cry that could only be described as ‘battle’.

Battle commenced. It was bloody and brutal. They had to fight for their place in the final. Although 2 would be lost along the way. Mick was tossed to the wayside. He had some reasonable moments but was now obsolete. He was eventually slayed from his horse and saw stars. SLAY! Earlier on he went to the fairground. It had a certain attraction.

"Stop this ****ery" Lady Emma of Soufend and the Cheshire set once removed from Wagmama exclaimed!

"There are more important things on the table"! Such as...had Lady Ali from Persia, the red haired one…cursed and besmirched her and ruined the name and reputation of the Lady from Soufend…had she hoodoo’d and voodoo’d her to all or any that would listen…Lady Emma had asked that question to Lady Ali of Persia directly but she had denied her twice…or was it thrice…Lord Thomas of doubting was in the house and he would know …this was all becoming very dark and very serious and no longer felt like a forest game…and they were all setting upon each other…only Lady Hanah had the power of calming with her calming ways …only she had the massaging power to heal this situation that was escalating before her beautiful eyes…‘be still, children …let’s all say it with together and united chest because we are all soft life babes in the wood’….eeeeeking and shrieking and fighting and drama is good and dandy between bredrin…but not when Ali says it

Init babes Mm. Deep..mm.

Sarah was just hiding in the background.

Suddenly. A pantomime had started and, unfortunately, she wasn't privy to it.

She had left the party and found herself on the outside.

But who was she with?

She didn't have a clue as she was blindfolded before she left that night. Disorientated she had to walk through the land. She thought she was on her own but then she heard a friendly voice.

Who could it be?

It was Benjamin from Wales, the home of the Great Dragon…he had always championed Lady Sarah through his many, many years in earth…and they were many because he was very old. But today wasn’t a day of championing, he hadn’t come to dry her tears…?…he had come to issue a dark warning, we’ll never know by now (nod to Micknall Hucknell the grand one) if that warning was official but it was dark because the goats and gloats were doing no harm and should be welcomed…but someone, somewhere was trying to stop those goats…and Benjamin was here to warn Lady Sarah about that …Lady Sarah screeched back at him…‘but this is a Game of All Time - a GOAT’ and I know, my beloved Welsh one that you don’t care for no goats so they had to stop…they had to stop so that we could be together forever in true love in this goatless Welsh forest …and you can be the mayor to my mayoress and we’ll be goat milk/cheese free forever….

[Mrluvaluva]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

"I felt like a butchers bin bag as Nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl..

"BP" Nathan whispered in her ear. "Do not be alarmed my sweet maiden for I have come to save you. I am your destiny. I am the greatest purveyor of pork in the whole region. I will show you my credentials and you will truly believe the love I have for you. See my pork sword! I will use it to slay any man or beast who contends me"!

…that was such a sweet tenderloin of pork moment, she sighed…then suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of a large chop nearby.

The chopping noise came from the sound of Nathan slapping his tenderloin on the table. "Here are my wares! he exclaimed. It is 2 fingers and a hand span. The measurements used at that time. It hushed the whole room. Suddenly a lowly voice filled the room.

It was not a voice though…it was Lady Emma from the House of Essex, who had been doing her daily bend and snap fitness regime…but she forgot the bend bit and what they heard were her screams…but in the corner of their eye, they could see a broken brush that Lady Emma had intended to use to paint 50 shades of black.

Black was her darkness. It was shrouded in her soul. She had a brush with death but she was still lucid. She needed to alert her companions of her predicament. She thought hard for hours. Suddenly she came up with a plan. She would cartwheel out of there. Her mind was shot but unfortunately her back was also. Her legs were like jelly but she didn't realise the consequences of that move. She found her phone nearby and had to call Lady Ali, who had crossed oceans in the travel from her home in Persia…whatever the cartwheel dilemma,

Lady Ali from Persia always had a theory so Lady Emma knew this was the call she had to make…(…and so to another chapter…)….

…when Persian Lady Ali from Persia, the great and wonderous theorist of their time, took the phone call …she was having a soothing back-foot suck and lubrication from her foot maidens, Hanah and Segun.

Well Lady Ali from Persia had taught such a thing to Lady Emma. Also Lady Martha. Who didn't quite execute said move so eloquently. Lady Emma had taken her teachings on board but she was still wary of her intentions towards herself after seeing the consequences of Lady Ali's previous misgivings. Lady Emma was confused. "How could this be"? she exclaimed. "Is she a witch? A red witch at that!"

The souls of Segunion and Khaledish had entered Lady Ali's body. She was being taken over by Marchy Marchy. "Ohhh. He's cute" she exclaimed. She had no power to resist at that point. She was gone. Her mind was not her own. Then suddenly her cute and beloved Marchy March screeched ‘they’ve taken my chicken…!!!!!!!!!!…’…those vampires have taken my chicken and now all I have in this dark period of my life is tea bags…?…this is so wrong and so tragic and awful that I’ve lost one of Marchy’s and now am just a one March peasant rap boy….but aha..!!!!!!!, he know who could help fix this…Oh My Daze Fairy Queen who lived behind the wall…she generally spent her time stuck to trees and plants and things, but he would seek her out…he would enter the dark forest and find her…but first, he must get the red witch Ali to help him through the wall.

The red witch cast a spell.

“Double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble”

The cauldron began to bubble. It cast a whole fog in the immediate area. She tried to use her invisibility cloak to escape the proceedings but she was clocked by Lady Lily of Warrington. "I see ya!" she exclaimed in excitement. The fairy queen Daze reached out to the red witch with a branch from the tree she was glued to and lifted her up, thus saving her from the baying crowd that had gathered.

Suddenly Lord Nathan returned from his travels and caused a diversion.

"I am back from my explorations! I have been to a place called Espania! Here I found many things but the most wondrous of them all is the potato!"

The crowd gasped..

"It will grow from my love and attention! I will nurture it until it is mature! I will never leave it's side!"

It was at that point Lord Thomas piped up and proclaimed…’I will choose my words carefully because I don’t have many words to say, I was given them very sparingly as there wasn’t many words left for my part in all of this…I will take whatever I get, though and I will use them for the good of …well, me’….

…although all intentions were good and enthusiasm was among them…the truth of it is that none knew how to nurture and grow the potato so that they could all share it in a roast dinner…as it was, the portions would be very small so they needed to increase those to satisfy their hungry stomach areas…poor Marchy’s area in the olden days had resembled a washboard but now it was sadly just a little withering bit of flesh and bone…they decided to travel to Coconut Bay in the heart of the Welsh forest to seek the help of the Wolfman, Izaaz…they didn’t even know whether he really existed as he had only ever been a mention of stories…he was a man of principles and honour unless he was sleep deprived…and then his wolf would emerge and he’d get very grumpy…but they would take that risk, that this encounter would see him more cheerful and helpful….and they’d take him some Welsh leeks, which would help enhance his mood…so off they all went, trekking toward the forest…but suddenly..

Marchys baby popped out. It was like a scene from Alien! His washboard had become a paunch. Some people thought it was a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a rock potato!

Ahh. Ahh. Ahh.

Ali inspected the carnage that ensued. "He's dead!" she proclaimed. " Now the Kingdom is mine! All mine!"

Lady Hanah was in full disagreement. "See my prince? Prince Segun? He will lift me up out of here and we shall rule this land forever!"

Prince Thomas stayed silent.

In the meantime someone removed Lord Nathan's baked potato for forensic analysis. It was the wicked red witch! She had mind control over Lord Segun and asked him to explain his actions. He crumbled under her superior powers.

His explanation of events riled the red witch. She wasn't standing for such ****ery.

Lady Sarah just stood by and watched. She couldn't intervene because Marchy was in her face and screaming…’you’re not an influencer…!!!!!!!!!…you women-folk always think that you are, that you are people of influence …but no, that’s only the bros - the Mandem are the only ones in this land who have any influence over others’…and as Marchy was screaming that right up in Lady Sarah’s face…Lord Segun gave 10,000 bursts of laughter from the side vault of the forest…while Lord Nathan remained unbothered by this turn of events…one potato, two potato…no1curr…if one potato was to fall then there would always be another …?…

…anyway, meanwhile…no one could find the one they called Khaled, it was as if he had completely vanished…they asked Prince Thomas…’where is the one they call Khaled/we call Khaled/who calls Khaled/please hold while we connect and stay on the line for a glass of wine etc)…’…but as always, Prince Thomas remained silent…was there a reason why he never spoke…?..was this some kind of witchery that Ali of Persia had brought about….?….suddenly there was an unapologetic eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek from the other side of the forest…‘that shriek is coming from the vault..’…they all said together, as they trembled and huddled and chanted the protective raps that Marchy had taught them to chant at such dangerous times.

The "eek" from the forest was foreboding. Somewhat sinister. Was it aliens or something else? The message slowly came through. They couldn't understand at first.

"What is it?" Ali questioned.

"M"!

"I'm not sure?" Nathan retorted.

"S!"

It's like the davinci code! Suddenly it all became clear.

"MSG!" cried the call from the heavens. "MSG!"

Lady Emma knew such vocabulary because she had attended the School of Soufend which was a highly sought after place for parents wanting their child to get the best possible education.

Anyway, to cut a long story short they all ended up arriving at Coconut Bay in the Welsh forest. Izaaz was there to greet them. "I've been waiting here 12 hours for you guys! I've got sleep deprivation! Not impressed!"

They had to tip-toe around him and let him sleep.

Later on, when he awoke, everyone was in the mood to go out. "I know!" Segun exclaimed. "Let's go to The Vault!" "I've heard it's a cool place and there's even a casino! You can win money in there!" Not everyone was on board though, but they'll went anyway. He got to the door but then realised he only had 4 tickets and the night was sold out. Who would he choose?

none of them had realised that while they were roaming the forest and triggering each other and fighting for air(time) …that The Vault had become more popular and sought after and restricted entry that The Oasis, which had previously been the forest it place since Liam and Noel had popped in for a cup of tea…so anyway, who would Lord Segun give the other three £10,000 street value golden tickets to…Lady Emma?… hmmmmmm, no because as much as she was a delightful lady whether she kept her upper garments on or not…(…no one knows if those rumours of back in the day had truth…)…if she was in the Vault, all she would ask is…’do you love her/is this true love’ and that had become tedious 6758975647 years ago…Lord Segun decided that he would invite the Lady Ali from Persia but that he would have to ask her to change her garment clothing because water melons were so last season…and because he had been accused of camp-ness, he had to keep a focus on fashion etc …he wouldn’t invite Marchy because Marchy was too in your face and The Vault was claustrophobic enough without that closeness happening…he wouldn’t invite Lord Thomas to the party event because…who would?….he wouldn’t invite Lady Sarah because she had become very controversial in her ways and there was no room in The Vault for controversy…The Vault already had 99 problems but controversy ain’t one of them…he would definitely invite the potato girl because that was such a versatile choice…there are so many potato variations…and aha, he would also invite Lord Nathan because that would be a shoe in or a lubricated back-foot in to the Royal Household…Lord Nathan had influential connections and Lord Segun was going to cash in £10,000 on those….

…so…it had been decided, the four was complete.

Yet Lady Ali wasn't happy with such a decision. Since Lord Liam and Noel had entered the foray. She couldn't understand her perspective.

"Am I liked or am I not liked"! "I think I am but I'm not so sure? D'ya know what I mean"?

"Let's do a poll"!

She called a general election in the land known only to the the locals as Nonsensical.

She brought thunder, rain and damnation.

"Oi shall rule this damn land as I please"!

Suddenly the heavens opened.

It was the angel GoldHeart who proclaimed "You will not take us on my watch"! "Never"!

Then the archangel of loveliness GlitterUK appeared. Giving voice of reason. "Prove you are worthy"!

The almighty Vesavius then roared with their voice.

"If you ain't down you ain't comin' in".

Heaven suddenly became a different place. Confusion took over. Then suddenly the confusion all cleared as on the horizon and over yonder, walking toward them…(…it was more floating than walking…)…was the wonderous legend of olde, the Grand Old Micknall Hucknall, the wizened old wizard…Lady Emma from Soufend gasped…and then she gasped again….and then another gasp…seeing this vision appear was like holding back the years that had come between the last time she saw Micknall Hucknall …but would he know her by now, she wondered…?…I mean, back in the day…something got them started but money became too tight to mention…but here was Lord Segun, mentioning his £10,000 money every few moments ….and that seemed to have released and broken the curse of being to tight to mention-ness….GoldHeart, GlitterUK, the one they called vesavius weren’t having any of the grand olde Micknall, though…this was their fairground and their watch and their Soufend Lady Emma…so let’s get ruthless, they said/screached/eeeeeeeeeeked and shouted in a cry that could only be described as ‘battle’.

Battle commenced. It was bloody and brutal. They had to fight for their place in the final. Although 2 would be lost along the way. Mick was tossed to the wayside. He had some reasonable moments but was now obsolete. He was eventually slayed from his horse and saw stars. SLAY! Earlier on he went to the fairground. It had a certain attraction.

"Stop this ****ery" Lady Emma of Soufend and the Cheshire set once removed from Wagmama exclaimed!

"There are more important things on the table"! Such as...had Lady Ali from Persia, the red haired one…cursed and besmirched her and ruined the name and reputation of the Lady from Soufend…had she hoodoo’d and voodoo’d her to all or any that would listen…Lady Emma had asked that question to Lady Ali of Persia directly but she had denied her twice…or was it thrice…Lord Thomas of doubting was in the house and he would know …this was all becoming very dark and very serious and no longer felt like a forest game…and they were all setting upon each other…only Lady Hanah had the power of calming with her calming ways …only she had the massaging power to heal this situation that was escalating before her beautiful eyes…‘be still, children …let’s all say it with together and united chest because we are all soft life babes in the wood’….eeeeeking and shrieking and fighting and drama is good and dandy between bredrin…but not when Ali says it

Init babes Mm. Deep..mm.

Sarah was just hiding in the background.

Suddenly. A pantomime had started and, unfortunately, she wasn't privy to it.

She had left the party and found herself on the outside.

But who was she with?

She didn't have a clue as she was blindfolded before she left that night. Disorientated she had to walk through the land. She thought she was on her own but then she heard a friendly voice.

Who could it be?

It was Benjamin from Wales, the home of the Great Dragon…he had always championed Lady Sarah through his many, many years in earth…and they were many because he was very old. But today wasn’t a day of championing, he hadn’t come to dry her tears…?…he had come to issue a dark warning, we’ll never know by now (nod to Micknall Hucknell the grand one) if that warning was official but it was dark because the goats and gloats were doing no harm and should be welcomed…but someone, somewhere was trying to stop those goats…and Benjamin was here to warn Lady Sarah about that …Lady Sarah screeched back at him…‘but this is a Game of All Time - a GOAT’ and I know, my beloved Welsh one that you don’t care for no goats so they had to stop…they had to stop so that we could be together forever in true love in this goatless Welsh forest …and you can be the mayor to my mayoress and we’ll be goat milk/cheese free forever.

Yet the Benjamin of Wales wasn't being true to Lady Sarah. Although he was very very very very very old, and somewhat antiquated in his ways, he held his heart out for someone else. His head had been turned. The goats did not perturbe him. He wanted to live life on his own terms. An idyllic life at that.

It presented a conundrum for Lord Benjamin of Wales.

Should he stick with his heart or his head?

He thought hard and long about it.

"Which fair maiden should win my heart"? "I am torn, so torn"!

Suddenly the old old old old old Lord Benjamin of Wales came to a decision.

"I have chosen...

[Ammi]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

"I felt like a butchers bin bag as Nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl..

"BP" Nathan whispered in her ear. "Do not be alarmed my sweet maiden for I have come to save you. I am your destiny. I am the greatest purveyor of pork in the whole region. I will show you my credentials and you will truly believe the love I have for you. See my pork sword! I will use it to slay any man or beast who contends me"!

…that was such a sweet tenderloin of pork moment, she sighed…then suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of a large chop nearby.

The chopping noise came from the sound of Nathan slapping his tenderloin on the table. "Here are my wares! he exclaimed. It is 2 fingers and a hand span. The measurements used at that time. It hushed the whole room. Suddenly a lowly voice filled the room.

It was not a voice though…it was Lady Emma from the House of Essex, who had been doing her daily bend and snap fitness regime…but she forgot the bend bit and what they heard were her screams…but in the corner of their eye, they could see a broken brush that Lady Emma had intended to use to paint 50 shades of black.

Black was her darkness. It was shrouded in her soul. She had a brush with death but she was still lucid. She needed to alert her companions of her predicament. She thought hard for hours. Suddenly she came up with a plan. She would cartwheel out of there. Her mind was shot but unfortunately her back was also. Her legs were like jelly but she didn't realise the consequences of that move. She found her phone nearby and had to call Lady Ali, who had crossed oceans in the travel from her home in Persia…whatever the cartwheel dilemma,

Lady Ali from Persia always had a theory so Lady Emma knew this was the call she had to make…(…and so to another chapter…)….

…when Persian Lady Ali from Persia, the great and wonderous theorist of their time, took the phone call …she was having a soothing back-foot suck and lubrication from her foot maidens, Hanah and Segun.

Well Lady Ali from Persia had taught such a thing to Lady Emma. Also Lady Martha. Who didn't quite execute said move so eloquently. Lady Emma had taken her teachings on board but she was still wary of her intentions towards herself after seeing the consequences of Lady Ali's previous misgivings. Lady Emma was confused. "How could this be"? she exclaimed. "Is she a witch? A red witch at that!"

The souls of Segunion and Khaledish had entered Lady Ali's body. She was being taken over by Marchy Marchy. "Ohhh. He's cute" she exclaimed. She had no power to resist at that point. She was gone. Her mind was not her own. Then suddenly her cute and beloved Marchy March screeched ‘they’ve taken my chicken…!!!!!!!!!!…’…those vampires have taken my chicken and now all I have in this dark period of my life is tea bags…?…this is so wrong and so tragic and awful that I’ve lost one of Marchy’s and now am just a one March peasant rap boy….but aha..!!!!!!!, he know who could help fix this…Oh My Daze Fairy Queen who lived behind the wall…she generally spent her time stuck to trees and plants and things, but he would seek her out…he would enter the dark forest and find her…but first, he must get the red witch Ali to help him through the wall.

The red witch cast a spell.

“Double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble”

The cauldron began to bubble. It cast a whole fog in the immediate area. She tried to use her invisibility cloak to escape the proceedings but she was clocked by Lady Lily of Warrington. "I see ya!" she exclaimed in excitement. The fairy queen Daze reached out to the red witch with a branch from the tree she was glued to and lifted her up, thus saving her from the baying crowd that had gathered.

Suddenly Lord Nathan returned from his travels and caused a diversion.

"I am back from my explorations! I have been to a place called Espania! Here I found many things but the most wondrous of them all is the potato!"

The crowd gasped..

"It will grow from my love and attention! I will nurture it until it is mature! I will never leave it's side!"

It was at that point Lord Thomas piped up and proclaimed…’I will choose my words carefully because I don’t have many words to say, I was given them very sparingly as there wasn’t many words left for my part in all of this…I will take whatever I get, though and I will use them for the good of …well, me’….

…although all intentions were good and enthusiasm was among them…the truth of it is that none knew how to nurture and grow the potato so that they could all share it in a roast dinner…as it was, the portions would be very small so they needed to increase those to satisfy their hungry stomach areas…poor Marchy’s area in the olden days had resembled a washboard but now it was sadly just a little withering bit of flesh and bone…they decided to travel to Coconut Bay in the heart of the Welsh forest to seek the help of the Wolfman, Izaaz…they didn’t even know whether he really existed as he had only ever been a mention of stories…he was a man of principles and honour unless he was sleep deprived…and then his wolf would emerge and he’d get very grumpy…but they would take that risk, that this encounter would see him more cheerful and helpful….and they’d take him some Welsh leeks, which would help enhance his mood…so off they all went, trekking toward the forest…but suddenly..

Marchys baby popped out. It was like a scene from Alien! His washboard had become a paunch. Some people thought it was a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a rock potato!

Ahh. Ahh. Ahh.

Ali inspected the carnage that ensued. "He's dead!" she proclaimed. " Now the Kingdom is mine! All mine!"

Lady Hanah was in full disagreement. "See my prince? Prince Segun? He will lift me up out of here and we shall rule this land forever!"

Prince Thomas stayed silent.

In the meantime someone removed Lord Nathan's baked potato for forensic analysis. It was the wicked red witch! She had mind control over Lord Segun and asked him to explain his actions. He crumbled under her superior powers.

His explanation of events riled the red witch. She wasn't standing for such ****ery.

Lady Sarah just stood by and watched. She couldn't intervene because Marchy was in her face and screaming…’you’re not an influencer…!!!!!!!!!…you women-folk always think that you are, that you are people of influence …but no, that’s only the bros - the Mandem are the only ones in this land who have any influence over others’…and as Marchy was screaming that right up in Lady Sarah’s face…Lord Segun gave 10,000 bursts of laughter from the side vault of the forest…while Lord Nathan remained unbothered by this turn of events…one potato, two potato…no1curr…if one potato was to fall then there would always be another …?…

…anyway, meanwhile…no one could find the one they called Khaled, it was as if he had completely vanished…they asked Prince Thomas…’where is the one they call Khaled/we call Khaled/who calls Khaled/please hold while we connect and stay on the line for a glass of wine etc)…’…but as always, Prince Thomas remained silent…was there a reason why he never spoke…?..was this some kind of witchery that Ali of Persia had brought about….?….suddenly there was an unapologetic eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek from the other side of the forest…‘that shriek is coming from the vault..’…they all said together, as they trembled and huddled and chanted the protective raps that Marchy had taught them to chant at such dangerous times.

The "eek" from the forest was foreboding. Somewhat sinister. Was it aliens or something else? The message slowly came through. They couldn't understand at first.

"What is it?" Ali questioned.

"M"!

"I'm not sure?" Nathan retorted.

"S!"

It's like the davinci code! Suddenly it all became clear.

"MSG!" cried the call from the heavens. "MSG!"

Lady Emma knew such vocabulary because she had attended the School of Soufend which was a highly sought after place for parents wanting their child to get the best possible education.

Anyway, to cut a long story short they all ended up arriving at Coconut Bay in the Welsh forest. Izaaz was there to greet them. "I've been waiting here 12 hours for you guys! I've got sleep deprivation! Not impressed!"

They had to tip-toe around him and let him sleep.

Later on, when he awoke, everyone was in the mood to go out. "I know!" Segun exclaimed. "Let's go to The Vault!" "I've heard it's a cool place and there's even a casino! You can win money in there!" Not everyone was on board though, but they'll went anyway. He got to the door but then realised he only had 4 tickets and the night was sold out. Who would he choose?

none of them had realised that while they were roaming the forest and triggering each other and fighting for air(time) …that The Vault had become more popular and sought after and restricted entry that The Oasis, which had previously been the forest it place since Liam and Noel had popped in for a cup of tea…so anyway, who would Lord Segun give the other three £10,000 street value golden tickets to…Lady Emma?… hmmmmmm, no because as much as she was a delightful lady whether she kept her upper garments on or not…(…no one knows if those rumours of back in the day had truth…)…if she was in the Vault, all she would ask is…’do you love her/is this true love’ and that had become tedious 6758975647 years ago…Lord Segun decided that he would invite the Lady Ali from Persia but that he would have to ask her to change her garment clothing because water melons were so last season…and because he had been accused of camp-ness, he had to keep a focus on fashion etc …he wouldn’t invite Marchy because Marchy was too in your face and The Vault was claustrophobic enough without that closeness happening…he wouldn’t invite Lord Thomas to the party event because…who would?….he wouldn’t invite Lady Sarah because she had become very controversial in her ways and there was no room in The Vault for controversy…The Vault already had 99 problems but controversy ain’t one of them…he would definitely invite the potato girl because that was such a versatile choice…there are so many potato variations…and aha, he would also invite Lord Nathan because that would be a shoe in or a lubricated back-foot in to the Royal Household…Lord Nathan had influential connections and Lord Segun was going to cash in £10,000 on those….

…so…it had been decided, the four was complete.

Yet Lady Ali wasn't happy with such a decision. Since Lord Liam and Noel had entered the foray. She couldn't understand her perspective.

"Am I liked or am I not liked"! "I think I am but I'm not so sure? D'ya know what I mean"?

"Let's do a poll"!

She called a general election in the land known only to the the locals as Nonsensical.

She brought thunder, rain and damnation.

"Oi shall rule this damn land as I please"!

Suddenly the heavens opened.

It was the angel GoldHeart who proclaimed "You will not take us on my watch"! "Never"!

Then the archangel of loveliness GlitterUK appeared. Giving voice of reason. "Prove you are worthy"!

The almighty Vesavius then roared with their voice.

"If you ain't down you ain't comin' in".

Heaven suddenly became a different place. Confusion took over. Then suddenly the confusion all cleared as on the horizon and over yonder, walking toward them…(…it was more floating than walking…)…was the wonderous legend of olde, the Grand Old Micknall Hucknall, the wizened old wizard…Lady Emma from Soufend gasped…and then she gasped again….and then another gasp…seeing this vision appear was like holding back the years that had come between the last time she saw Micknall Hucknall …but would he know her by now, she wondered…?…I mean, back in the day…something got them started but money became too tight to mention…but here was Lord Segun, mentioning his £10,000 money every few moments ….and that seemed to have released and broken the curse of being to tight to mention-ness….GoldHeart, GlitterUK, the one they called vesavius weren’t having any of the grand olde Micknall, though…this was their fairground and their watch and their Soufend Lady Emma…so let’s get ruthless, they said/screached/eeeeeeeeeeked and shouted in a cry that could only be described as ‘battle’.

Battle commenced. It was bloody and brutal. They had to fight for their place in the final. Although 2 would be lost along the way. Mick was tossed to the wayside. He had some reasonable moments but was now obsolete. He was eventually slayed from his horse and saw stars. SLAY! Earlier on he went to the fairground. It had a certain attraction.

"Stop this ****ery" Lady Emma of Soufend and the Cheshire set once removed from Wagmama exclaimed!

"There are more important things on the table"! Such as...had Lady Ali from Persia, the red haired one…cursed and besmirched her and ruined the name and reputation of the Lady from Soufend…had she hoodoo’d and voodoo’d her to all or any that would listen…Lady Emma had asked that question to Lady Ali of Persia directly but she had denied her twice…or was it thrice…Lord Thomas of doubting was in the house and he would know …this was all becoming very dark and very serious and no longer felt like a forest game…and they were all setting upon each other…only Lady Hanah had the power of calming with her calming ways …only she had the massaging power to heal this situation that was escalating before her beautiful eyes…‘be still, children …let’s all say it with together and united chest because we are all soft life babes in the wood’….eeeeeking and shrieking and fighting and drama is good and dandy between bredrin…but not when Ali says it

Init babes Mm. Deep..mm.

Sarah was just hiding in the background.

Suddenly. A pantomime had started and, unfortunately, she wasn't privy to it.

She had left the party and found herself on the outside.

But who was she with?

She didn't have a clue as she was blindfolded before she left that night. Disorientated she had to walk through the land. She thought she was on her own but then she heard a friendly voice.

Who could it be?

It was Benjamin from Wales, the home of the Great Dragon…he had always championed Lady Sarah through his many, many years in earth…and they were many because he was very old. But today wasn’t a day of championing, he hadn’t come to dry her tears…?…he had come to issue a dark warning, we’ll never know by now (nod to Micknall Hucknell the grand one) if that warning was official but it was dark because the goats and gloats were doing no harm and should be welcomed…but someone, somewhere was trying to stop those goats…and Benjamin was here to warn Lady Sarah about that …Lady Sarah screeched back at him…‘but this is a Game of All Time - a GOAT’ and I know, my beloved Welsh one that you don’t care for no goats so they had to stop…they had to stop so that we could be together forever in true love in this goatless Welsh forest …and you can be the mayor to my mayoress and we’ll be goat milk/cheese free forever.

Yet the Benjamin of Wales wasn't being true to Lady Sarah. Although he was very very very very very old, and somewhat antiquated in his ways, he held his heart out for someone else. His head had been turned. The goats did not perturbe him. He wanted to live life on his own terms. An idyllic life at that.

It presented a conundrum for Lord Benjamin of Wales.

Should he stick with his heart or his head?

He thought hard and long about it.

"Which fair maiden should win my heart"? "I am torn, so torn"!

Suddenly the old old old old old Lord Benjamin of Wales came to a decision.

"I have chosen to ask the Lily of the Valley of Cork, whose earth name was Niamh…she was a very young maiden and the old old old old old old old old old old old Benjamin of Wales was hugely envious of her youth and wisdom…but he knew that she held the magic brick of the land and if he was ever to know which path to follow…head or heart…he must seek the young Niamh out…so the ancient Benjamin of Wales seeeeeeked and seeeeeeeked until he found the youthful Lily of the Valley of Cork, Niamh…but instead of asking her the question he had meant to ask of ‘does the potato deserve this eviction?….’…his huge agedness caused him to ask ‘does the potato deserve this fiction?…’….

[Mrluvaluva]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

"I felt like a butchers bin bag as Nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl..

"BP" Nathan whispered in her ear. "Do not be alarmed my sweet maiden for I have come to save you. I am your destiny. I am the greatest purveyor of pork in the whole region. I will show you my credentials and you will truly believe the love I have for you. See my pork sword! I will use it to slay any man or beast who contends me"!

…that was such a sweet tenderloin of pork moment, she sighed…then suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of a large chop nearby.

The chopping noise came from the sound of Nathan slapping his tenderloin on the table. "Here are my wares! he exclaimed. It is 2 fingers and a hand span. The measurements used at that time. It hushed the whole room. Suddenly a lowly voice filled the room.

It was not a voice though…it was Lady Emma from the House of Essex, who had been doing her daily bend and snap fitness regime…but she forgot the bend bit and what they heard were her screams…but in the corner of their eye, they could see a broken brush that Lady Emma had intended to use to paint 50 shades of black.

Black was her darkness. It was shrouded in her soul. She had a brush with death but she was still lucid. She needed to alert her companions of her predicament. She thought hard for hours. Suddenly she came up with a plan. She would cartwheel out of there. Her mind was shot but unfortunately her back was also. Her legs were like jelly but she didn't realise the consequences of that move. She found her phone nearby and had to call Lady Ali, who had crossed oceans in the travel from her home in Persia…whatever the cartwheel dilemma,

Lady Ali from Persia always had a theory so Lady Emma knew this was the call she had to make…(…and so to another chapter…)….

…when Persian Lady Ali from Persia, the great and wonderous theorist of their time, took the phone call …she was having a soothing back-foot suck and lubrication from her foot maidens, Hanah and Segun.

Well Lady Ali from Persia had taught such a thing to Lady Emma. Also Lady Martha. Who didn't quite execute said move so eloquently. Lady Emma had taken her teachings on board but she was still wary of her intentions towards herself after seeing the consequences of Lady Ali's previous misgivings. Lady Emma was confused. "How could this be"? she exclaimed. "Is she a witch? A red witch at that!"

The souls of Segunion and Khaledish had entered Lady Ali's body. She was being taken over by Marchy Marchy. "Ohhh. He's cute" she exclaimed. She had no power to resist at that point. She was gone. Her mind was not her own. Then suddenly her cute and beloved Marchy March screeched ‘they’ve taken my chicken…!!!!!!!!!!…’…those vampires have taken my chicken and now all I have in this dark period of my life is tea bags…?…this is so wrong and so tragic and awful that I’ve lost one of Marchy’s and now am just a one March peasant rap boy….but aha..!!!!!!!, he know who could help fix this…Oh My Daze Fairy Queen who lived behind the wall…she generally spent her time stuck to trees and plants and things, but he would seek her out…he would enter the dark forest and find her…but first, he must get the red witch Ali to help him through the wall.

The red witch cast a spell.

“Double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble”

The cauldron began to bubble. It cast a whole fog in the immediate area. She tried to use her invisibility cloak to escape the proceedings but she was clocked by Lady Lily of Warrington. "I see ya!" she exclaimed in excitement. The fairy queen Daze reached out to the red witch with a branch from the tree she was glued to and lifted her up, thus saving her from the baying crowd that had gathered.

Suddenly Lord Nathan returned from his travels and caused a diversion.

"I am back from my explorations! I have been to a place called Espania! Here I found many things but the most wondrous of them all is the potato!"

The crowd gasped..

"It will grow from my love and attention! I will nurture it until it is mature! I will never leave it's side!"

It was at that point Lord Thomas piped up and proclaimed…’I will choose my words carefully because I don’t have many words to say, I was given them very sparingly as there wasn’t many words left for my part in all of this…I will take whatever I get, though and I will use them for the good of …well, me’….

…although all intentions were good and enthusiasm was among them…the truth of it is that none knew how to nurture and grow the potato so that they could all share it in a roast dinner…as it was, the portions would be very small so they needed to increase those to satisfy their hungry stomach areas…poor Marchy’s area in the olden days had resembled a washboard but now it was sadly just a little withering bit of flesh and bone…they decided to travel to Coconut Bay in the heart of the Welsh forest to seek the help of the Wolfman, Izaaz…they didn’t even know whether he really existed as he had only ever been a mention of stories…he was a man of principles and honour unless he was sleep deprived…and then his wolf would emerge and he’d get very grumpy…but they would take that risk, that this encounter would see him more cheerful and helpful….and they’d take him some Welsh leeks, which would help enhance his mood…so off they all went, trekking toward the forest…but suddenly..

Marchys baby popped out. It was like a scene from Alien! His washboard had become a paunch. Some people thought it was a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a rock potato!

Ahh. Ahh. Ahh.

Ali inspected the carnage that ensued. "He's dead!" she proclaimed. " Now the Kingdom is mine! All mine!"

Lady Hanah was in full disagreement. "See my prince? Prince Segun? He will lift me up out of here and we shall rule this land forever!"

Prince Thomas stayed silent.

In the meantime someone removed Lord Nathan's baked potato for forensic analysis. It was the wicked red witch! She had mind control over Lord Segun and asked him to explain his actions. He crumbled under her superior powers.

His explanation of events riled the red witch. She wasn't standing for such ****ery.

Lady Sarah just stood by and watched. She couldn't intervene because Marchy was in her face and screaming…’you’re not an influencer…!!!!!!!!!…you women-folk always think that you are, that you are people of influence …but no, that’s only the bros - the Mandem are the only ones in this land who have any influence over others’…and as Marchy was screaming that right up in Lady Sarah’s face…Lord Segun gave 10,000 bursts of laughter from the side vault of the forest…while Lord Nathan remained unbothered by this turn of events…one potato, two potato…no1curr…if one potato was to fall then there would always be another …?…

…anyway, meanwhile…no one could find the one they called Khaled, it was as if he had completely vanished…they asked Prince Thomas…’where is the one they call Khaled/we call Khaled/who calls Khaled/please hold while we connect and stay on the line for a glass of wine etc)…’…but as always, Prince Thomas remained silent…was there a reason why he never spoke…?..was this some kind of witchery that Ali of Persia had brought about….?….suddenly there was an unapologetic eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek from the other side of the forest…‘that shriek is coming from the vault..’…they all said together, as they trembled and huddled and chanted the protective raps that Marchy had taught them to chant at such dangerous times.

The "eek" from the forest was foreboding. Somewhat sinister. Was it aliens or something else? The message slowly came through. They couldn't understand at first.

"What is it?" Ali questioned.

"M"!

"I'm not sure?" Nathan retorted.

"S!"

It's like the davinci code! Suddenly it all became clear.

"MSG!" cried the call from the heavens. "MSG!"

Lady Emma knew such vocabulary because she had attended the School of Soufend which was a highly sought after place for parents wanting their child to get the best possible education.

Anyway, to cut a long story short they all ended up arriving at Coconut Bay in the Welsh forest. Izaaz was there to greet them. "I've been waiting here 12 hours for you guys! I've got sleep deprivation! Not impressed!"

They had to tip-toe around him and let him sleep.

Later on, when he awoke, everyone was in the mood to go out. "I know!" Segun exclaimed. "Let's go to The Vault!" "I've heard it's a cool place and there's even a casino! You can win money in there!" Not everyone was on board though, but they'll went anyway. He got to the door but then realised he only had 4 tickets and the night was sold out. Who would he choose?

none of them had realised that while they were roaming the forest and triggering each other and fighting for air(time) …that The Vault had become more popular and sought after and restricted entry that The Oasis, which had previously been the forest it place since Liam and Noel had popped in for a cup of tea…so anyway, who would Lord Segun give the other three £10,000 street value golden tickets to…Lady Emma?… hmmmmmm, no because as much as she was a delightful lady whether she kept her upper garments on or not…(…no one knows if those rumours of back in the day had truth…)…if she was in the Vault, all she would ask is…’do you love her/is this true love’ and that had become tedious 6758975647 years ago…Lord Segun decided that he would invite the Lady Ali from Persia but that he would have to ask her to change her garment clothing because water melons were so last season…and because he had been accused of camp-ness, he had to keep a focus on fashion etc …he wouldn’t invite Marchy because Marchy was too in your face and The Vault was claustrophobic enough without that closeness happening…he wouldn’t invite Lord Thomas to the party event because…who would?….he wouldn’t invite Lady Sarah because she had become very controversial in her ways and there was no room in The Vault for controversy…The Vault already had 99 problems but controversy ain’t one of them…he would definitely invite the potato girl because that was such a versatile choice…there are so many potato variations…and aha, he would also invite Lord Nathan because that would be a shoe in or a lubricated back-foot in to the Royal Household…Lord Nathan had influential connections and Lord Segun was going to cash in £10,000 on those….

…so…it had been decided, the four was complete.

Yet Lady Ali wasn't happy with such a decision. Since Lord Liam and Noel had entered the foray. She couldn't understand her perspective.

"Am I liked or am I not liked"! "I think I am but I'm not so sure? D'ya know what I mean"?

"Let's do a poll"!

She called a general election in the land known only to the the locals as Nonsensical.

She brought thunder, rain and damnation.

"Oi shall rule this damn land as I please"!

Suddenly the heavens opened.

It was the angel GoldHeart who proclaimed "You will not take us on my watch"! "Never"!

Then the archangel of loveliness GlitterUK appeared. Giving voice of reason. "Prove you are worthy"!

The almighty Vesavius then roared with their voice.

"If you ain't down you ain't comin' in".

Heaven suddenly became a different place. Confusion took over. Then suddenly the confusion all cleared as on the horizon and over yonder, walking toward them…(…it was more floating than walking…)…was the wonderous legend of olde, the Grand Old Micknall Hucknall, the wizened old wizard…Lady Emma from Soufend gasped…and then she gasped again….and then another gasp…seeing this vision appear was like holding back the years that had come between the last time she saw Micknall Hucknall …but would he know her by now, she wondered…?…I mean, back in the day…something got them started but money became too tight to mention…but here was Lord Segun, mentioning his £10,000 money every few moments ….and that seemed to have released and broken the curse of being to tight to mention-ness….GoldHeart, GlitterUK, the one they called vesavius weren’t having any of the grand olde Micknall, though…this was their fairground and their watch and their Soufend Lady Emma…so let’s get ruthless, they said/screached/eeeeeeeeeeked and shouted in a cry that could only be described as ‘battle’.

Battle commenced. It was bloody and brutal. They had to fight for their place in the final. Although 2 would be lost along the way. Mick was tossed to the wayside. He had some reasonable moments but was now obsolete. He was eventually slayed from his horse and saw stars. SLAY! Earlier on he went to the fairground. It had a certain attraction.

"Stop this ****ery" Lady Emma of Soufend and the Cheshire set once removed from Wagmama exclaimed!

"There are more important things on the table"! Such as...had Lady Ali from Persia, the red haired one…cursed and besmirched her and ruined the name and reputation of the Lady from Soufend…had she hoodoo’d and voodoo’d her to all or any that would listen…Lady Emma had asked that question to Lady Ali of Persia directly but she had denied her twice…or was it thrice…Lord Thomas of doubting was in the house and he would know …this was all becoming very dark and very serious and no longer felt like a forest game…and they were all setting upon each other…only Lady Hanah had the power of calming with her calming ways …only she had the massaging power to heal this situation that was escalating before her beautiful eyes…‘be still, children …let’s all say it with together and united chest because we are all soft life babes in the wood’….eeeeeking and shrieking and fighting and drama is good and dandy between bredrin…but not when Ali says it

Init babes Mm. Deep..mm.

Sarah was just hiding in the background.

Suddenly. A pantomime had started and, unfortunately, she wasn't privy to it.

She had left the party and found herself on the outside.

But who was she with?

She didn't have a clue as she was blindfolded before she left that night. Disorientated she had to walk through the land. She thought she was on her own but then she heard a friendly voice.

Who could it be?

It was Benjamin from Wales, the home of the Great Dragon…he had always championed Lady Sarah through his many, many years in earth…and they were many because he was very old. But today wasn’t a day of championing, he hadn’t come to dry her tears…?…he had come to issue a dark warning, we’ll never know by now (nod to Micknall Hucknell the grand one) if that warning was official but it was dark because the goats and gloats were doing no harm and should be welcomed…but someone, somewhere was trying to stop those goats…and Benjamin was here to warn Lady Sarah about that …Lady Sarah screeched back at him…‘but this is a Game of All Time - a GOAT’ and I know, my beloved Welsh one that you don’t care for no goats so they had to stop…they had to stop so that we could be together forever in true love in this goatless Welsh forest …and you can be the mayor to my mayoress and we’ll be goat milk/cheese free forever.

Yet the Benjamin of Wales wasn't being true to Lady Sarah. Although he was very very very very very old, and somewhat antiquated in his ways, he held his heart out for someone else. His head had been turned. The goats did not perturbe him. He wanted to live life on his own terms. An idyllic life at that.

It presented a conundrum for Lord Benjamin of Wales.

Should he stick with his heart or his head?

He thought hard and long about it.

"Which fair maiden should win my heart"? "I am torn, so torn"!

Suddenly the old old old old old Lord Benjamin of Wales came to a decision.

"I have chosen to ask the Lily of the Valley of Cork, whose earth name was Niamh…she was a very young maiden and the old old old old old old old old old old old Benjamin of Wales was hugely envious of her youth and wisdom…but he knew that she held the magic brick of the land and if he was ever to know which path to follow…head or heart…he must seek the young Niamh out.

Niamh.! Niamh.! His pathetic cries consumed the land. Niamh.! Do not forsake me for I am your beholder! We are each others destiny! Yes! I am old old old old old old old old old, but my love for you is as young as the rites of Spring! Dewdrops! Kittens! For me this real! Ok. I once had a relationship with a goat. That doesn't count. We were on a break!

Niamh. hadn't quite considered such a proclamation from the very very old old old old old old old old old old old Lord Benjamin of Wales and had to consider her options. Would she succumb to his advances or did she have eyes on another?

Lady Niamh. thought through the night. She was flattered but also confused. Intently she reviewed her options.

The heavens then opened again

Was it a sign?

Suddenly she came into recognition.

"My love is"!....

[Niamh.]

:laugh2:

Well, did you know my name comes from an old Irish story, Niamh came from a far a way land called Tír Na nÓg, which is the land of youth where no one ever grew old. I fear Benjamin is only wanting me to bring him there

[Ammi]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

"I felt like a butchers bin bag as Nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl..

"BP" Nathan whispered in her ear. "Do not be alarmed my sweet maiden for I have come to save you. I am your destiny. I am the greatest purveyor of pork in the whole region. I will show you my credentials and you will truly believe the love I have for you. See my pork sword! I will use it to slay any man or beast who contends me"!

…that was such a sweet tenderloin of pork moment, she sighed…then suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of a large chop nearby.

The chopping noise came from the sound of Nathan slapping his tenderloin on the table. "Here are my wares! he exclaimed. It is 2 fingers and a hand span. The measurements used at that time. It hushed the whole room. Suddenly a lowly voice filled the room.

It was not a voice though…it was Lady Emma from the House of Essex, who had been doing her daily bend and snap fitness regime…but she forgot the bend bit and what they heard were her screams…but in the corner of their eye, they could see a broken brush that Lady Emma had intended to use to paint 50 shades of black.

Black was her darkness. It was shrouded in her soul. She had a brush with death but she was still lucid. She needed to alert her companions of her predicament. She thought hard for hours. Suddenly she came up with a plan. She would cartwheel out of there. Her mind was shot but unfortunately her back was also. Her legs were like jelly but she didn't realise the consequences of that move. She found her phone nearby and had to call Lady Ali, who had crossed oceans in the travel from her home in Persia…whatever the cartwheel dilemma,

Lady Ali from Persia always had a theory so Lady Emma knew this was the call she had to make…(…and so to another chapter…)….

…when Persian Lady Ali from Persia, the great and wonderous theorist of their time, took the phone call …she was having a soothing back-foot suck and lubrication from her foot maidens, Hanah and Segun.

Well Lady Ali from Persia had taught such a thing to Lady Emma. Also Lady Martha. Who didn't quite execute said move so eloquently. Lady Emma had taken her teachings on board but she was still wary of her intentions towards herself after seeing the consequences of Lady Ali's previous misgivings. Lady Emma was confused. "How could this be"? she exclaimed. "Is she a witch? A red witch at that!"

The souls of Segunion and Khaledish had entered Lady Ali's body. She was being taken over by Marchy Marchy. "Ohhh. He's cute" she exclaimed. She had no power to resist at that point. She was gone. Her mind was not her own. Then suddenly her cute and beloved Marchy March screeched ‘they’ve taken my chicken…!!!!!!!!!!…’…those vampires have taken my chicken and now all I have in this dark period of my life is tea bags…?…this is so wrong and so tragic and awful that I’ve lost one of Marchy’s and now am just a one March peasant rap boy….but aha..!!!!!!!, he know who could help fix this…Oh My Daze Fairy Queen who lived behind the wall…she generally spent her time stuck to trees and plants and things, but he would seek her out…he would enter the dark forest and find her…but first, he must get the red witch Ali to help him through the wall.

The red witch cast a spell.

“Double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble”

The cauldron began to bubble. It cast a whole fog in the immediate area. She tried to use her invisibility cloak to escape the proceedings but she was clocked by Lady Lily of Warrington. "I see ya!" she exclaimed in excitement. The fairy queen Daze reached out to the red witch with a branch from the tree she was glued to and lifted her up, thus saving her from the baying crowd that had gathered.

Suddenly Lord Nathan returned from his travels and caused a diversion.

"I am back from my explorations! I have been to a place called Espania! Here I found many things but the most wondrous of them all is the potato!"

The crowd gasped..

"It will grow from my love and attention! I will nurture it until it is mature! I will never leave it's side!"

It was at that point Lord Thomas piped up and proclaimed…’I will choose my words carefully because I don’t have many words to say, I was given them very sparingly as there wasn’t many words left for my part in all of this…I will take whatever I get, though and I will use them for the good of …well, me’….

…although all intentions were good and enthusiasm was among them…the truth of it is that none knew how to nurture and grow the potato so that they could all share it in a roast dinner…as it was, the portions would be very small so they needed to increase those to satisfy their hungry stomach areas…poor Marchy’s area in the olden days had resembled a washboard but now it was sadly just a little withering bit of flesh and bone…they decided to travel to Coconut Bay in the heart of the Welsh forest to seek the help of the Wolfman, Izaaz…they didn’t even know whether he really existed as he had only ever been a mention of stories…he was a man of principles and honour unless he was sleep deprived…and then his wolf would emerge and he’d get very grumpy…but they would take that risk, that this encounter would see him more cheerful and helpful….and they’d take him some Welsh leeks, which would help enhance his mood…so off they all went, trekking toward the forest…but suddenly..

Marchys baby popped out. It was like a scene from Alien! His washboard had become a paunch. Some people thought it was a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a rock potato!

Ahh. Ahh. Ahh.

Ali inspected the carnage that ensued. "He's dead!" she proclaimed. " Now the Kingdom is mine! All mine!"

Lady Hanah was in full disagreement. "See my prince? Prince Segun? He will lift me up out of here and we shall rule this land forever!"

Prince Thomas stayed silent.

In the meantime someone removed Lord Nathan's baked potato for forensic analysis. It was the wicked red witch! She had mind control over Lord Segun and asked him to explain his actions. He crumbled under her superior powers.

His explanation of events riled the red witch. She wasn't standing for such ****ery.

Lady Sarah just stood by and watched. She couldn't intervene because Marchy was in her face and screaming…’you’re not an influencer…!!!!!!!!!…you women-folk always think that you are, that you are people of influence …but no, that’s only the bros - the Mandem are the only ones in this land who have any influence over others’…and as Marchy was screaming that right up in Lady Sarah’s face…Lord Segun gave 10,000 bursts of laughter from the side vault of the forest…while Lord Nathan remained unbothered by this turn of events…one potato, two potato…no1curr…if one potato was to fall then there would always be another …?…

…anyway, meanwhile…no one could find the one they called Khaled, it was as if he had completely vanished…they asked Prince Thomas…’where is the one they call Khaled/we call Khaled/who calls Khaled/please hold while we connect and stay on the line for a glass of wine etc)…’…but as always, Prince Thomas remained silent…was there a reason why he never spoke…?..was this some kind of witchery that Ali of Persia had brought about….?….suddenly there was an unapologetic eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek from the other side of the forest…‘that shriek is coming from the vault..’…they all said together, as they trembled and huddled and chanted the protective raps that Marchy had taught them to chant at such dangerous times.

The "eek" from the forest was foreboding. Somewhat sinister. Was it aliens or something else? The message slowly came through. They couldn't understand at first.

"What is it?" Ali questioned.

"M"!

"I'm not sure?" Nathan retorted.

"S!"

It's like the davinci code! Suddenly it all became clear.

"MSG!" cried the call from the heavens. "MSG!"

Lady Emma knew such vocabulary because she had attended the School of Soufend which was a highly sought after place for parents wanting their child to get the best possible education.

Anyway, to cut a long story short they all ended up arriving at Coconut Bay in the Welsh forest. Izaaz was there to greet them. "I've been waiting here 12 hours for you guys! I've got sleep deprivation! Not impressed!"

They had to tip-toe around him and let him sleep.

Later on, when he awoke, everyone was in the mood to go out. "I know!" Segun exclaimed. "Let's go to The Vault!" "I've heard it's a cool place and there's even a casino! You can win money in there!" Not everyone was on board though, but they'll went anyway. He got to the door but then realised he only had 4 tickets and the night was sold out. Who would he choose?

none of them had realised that while they were roaming the forest and triggering each other and fighting for air(time) …that The Vault had become more popular and sought after and restricted entry that The Oasis, which had previously been the forest it place since Liam and Noel had popped in for a cup of tea…so anyway, who would Lord Segun give the other three £10,000 street value golden tickets to…Lady Emma?… hmmmmmm, no because as much as she was a delightful lady whether she kept her upper garments on or not…(…no one knows if those rumours of back in the day had truth…)…if she was in the Vault, all she would ask is…’do you love her/is this true love’ and that had become tedious 6758975647 years ago…Lord Segun decided that he would invite the Lady Ali from Persia but that he would have to ask her to change her garment clothing because water melons were so last season…and because he had been accused of camp-ness, he had to keep a focus on fashion etc …he wouldn’t invite Marchy because Marchy was too in your face and The Vault was claustrophobic enough without that closeness happening…he wouldn’t invite Lord Thomas to the party event because…who would?….he wouldn’t invite Lady Sarah because she had become very controversial in her ways and there was no room in The Vault for controversy…The Vault already had 99 problems but controversy ain’t one of them…he would definitely invite the potato girl because that was such a versatile choice…there are so many potato variations…and aha, he would also invite Lord Nathan because that would be a shoe in or a lubricated back-foot in to the Royal Household…Lord Nathan had influential connections and Lord Segun was going to cash in £10,000 on those….

…so…it had been decided, the four was complete.

Yet Lady Ali wasn't happy with such a decision. Since Lord Liam and Noel had entered the foray. She couldn't understand her perspective.

"Am I liked or am I not liked"! "I think I am but I'm not so sure? D'ya know what I mean"?

"Let's do a poll"!

She called a general election in the land known only to the the locals as Nonsensical.

She brought thunder, rain and damnation.

"Oi shall rule this damn land as I please"!

Suddenly the heavens opened.

It was the angel GoldHeart who proclaimed "You will not take us on my watch"! "Never"!

Then the archangel of loveliness GlitterUK appeared. Giving voice of reason. "Prove you are worthy"!

The almighty Vesavius then roared with their voice.

"If you ain't down you ain't comin' in".

Heaven suddenly became a different place. Confusion took over. Then suddenly the confusion all cleared as on the horizon and over yonder, walking toward them…(…it was more floating than walking…)…was the wonderous legend of olde, the Grand Old Micknall Hucknall, the wizened old wizard…Lady Emma from Soufend gasped…and then she gasped again….and then another gasp…seeing this vision appear was like holding back the years that had come between the last time she saw Micknall Hucknall …but would he know her by now, she wondered…?…I mean, back in the day…something got them started but money became too tight to mention…but here was Lord Segun, mentioning his £10,000 money every few moments ….and that seemed to have released and broken the curse of being to tight to mention-ness….GoldHeart, GlitterUK, the one they called vesavius weren’t having any of the grand olde Micknall, though…this was their fairground and their watch and their Soufend Lady Emma…so let’s get ruthless, they said/screached/eeeeeeeeeeked and shouted in a cry that could only be described as ‘battle’.

Battle commenced. It was bloody and brutal. They had to fight for their place in the final. Although 2 would be lost along the way. Mick was tossed to the wayside. He had some reasonable moments but was now obsolete. He was eventually slayed from his horse and saw stars. SLAY! Earlier on he went to the fairground. It had a certain attraction.

"Stop this ****ery" Lady Emma of Soufend and the Cheshire set once removed from Wagmama exclaimed!

"There are more important things on the table"! Such as...had Lady Ali from Persia, the red haired one…cursed and besmirched her and ruined the name and reputation of the Lady from Soufend…had she hoodoo’d and voodoo’d her to all or any that would listen…Lady Emma had asked that question to Lady Ali of Persia directly but she had denied her twice…or was it thrice…Lord Thomas of doubting was in the house and he would know …this was all becoming very dark and very serious and no longer felt like a forest game…and they were all setting upon each other…only Lady Hanah had the power of calming with her calming ways …only she had the massaging power to heal this situation that was escalating before her beautiful eyes…‘be still, children …let’s all say it with together and united chest because we are all soft life babes in the wood’….eeeeeking and shrieking and fighting and drama is good and dandy between bredrin…but not when Ali says it

Init babes Mm. Deep..mm.

Sarah was just hiding in the background.

Suddenly. A pantomime had started and, unfortunately, she wasn't privy to it.

She had left the party and found herself on the outside.

But who was she with?

She didn't have a clue as she was blindfolded before she left that night. Disorientated she had to walk through the land. She thought she was on her own but then she heard a friendly voice.

Who could it be?

It was Benjamin from Wales, the home of the Great Dragon…he had always championed Lady Sarah through his many, many years in earth…and they were many because he was very old. But today wasn’t a day of championing, he hadn’t come to dry her tears…?…he had come to issue a dark warning, we’ll never know by now (nod to Micknall Hucknell the grand one) if that warning was official but it was dark because the goats and gloats were doing no harm and should be welcomed…but someone, somewhere was trying to stop those goats…and Benjamin was here to warn Lady Sarah about that …Lady Sarah screeched back at him…‘but this is a Game of All Time - a GOAT’ and I know, my beloved Welsh one that you don’t care for no goats so they had to stop…they had to stop so that we could be together forever in true love in this goatless Welsh forest …and you can be the mayor to my mayoress and we’ll be goat milk/cheese free forever.

Yet the Benjamin of Wales wasn't being true to Lady Sarah. Although he was very very very very very old, and somewhat antiquated in his ways, he held his heart out for someone else. His head had been turned. The goats did not perturbe him. He wanted to live life on his own terms. An idyllic life at that.

It presented a conundrum for Lord Benjamin of Wales.

Should he stick with his heart or his head?

He thought hard and long about it.

"Which fair maiden should win my heart"? "I am torn, so torn"!

Suddenly the old old old old old Lord Benjamin of Wales came to a decision.

"I have chosen to ask the Lily of the Valley of Cork, whose earth name was Niamh…she was a very young maiden and the old old old old old old old old old old old Benjamin of Wales was hugely envious of her youth and wisdom…but he knew that she held the magic brick of the land and if he was ever to know which path to follow…head or heart…he must seek the young Niamh out.

Niamh.! Niamh.! His pathetic cries consumed the land. Niamh.! Do not forsake me for I am your beholder! We are each others destiny! Yes! I am old old old old old old old old old, but my love for you is as young as the rites of Spring! Dewdrops! Kittens! For me this real! Ok. I once had a relationship with a goat. That doesn't count. We were on a break!

Niamh. hadn't quite considered such a proclamation from the very very old old old old old old old old old old old Lord Benjamin of Wales and had to consider her options. Would she succumb to his advances or did she have eyes on another?

Lady Niamh. thought through the night. She was flattered but also confused. Intently she reviewed her options.

The heavens then opened again

Was it a sign?

Suddenly she came into recognition.

"My love is"!…..but ….her thoughts were interrupted by the screams of Lord Segun who was looking toward the opened heavens and exclaiming ‘Hallelujah, it’s raining men!!!!!…oh wait, it’s actually raining goats, these are the prophesied Rains of 10,000 goats…’….the ones that have kept the ancient Benjamin of Wales on earth for so many years past his time…this was a sign for the youthful and beautiful Niamh/Lily of the Valley of Cork and keeper of Bricks…that Benjamin of Wales still held that annoying goat in his dreams and in his heart that he’d shared CoCo Pops with when his ancient stupidness and the young and lovely Niamh were on a break….could this only mean that true love was never meant to be….?….

[Mrluvaluva]

:laugh2:

Well, did you know my name comes from an old Irish story, Niamh came from a far a way land called Tír Na nÓg, which is the land of youth where no one ever grew old. I fear Benjamin is only wanting me to bring him there

Continue the story or sod off. :joker:

[Ammi]

…:laugh:..

[Niamh.]

No :hee:

[Ammi]

…meanwhile …


I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

"I felt like a butchers bin bag as Nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl..

"BP" Nathan whispered in her ear. "Do not be alarmed my sweet maiden for I have come to save you. I am your destiny. I am the greatest purveyor of pork in the whole region. I will show you my credentials and you will truly believe the love I have for you. See my pork sword! I will use it to slay any man or beast who contends me"!

…that was such a sweet tenderloin of pork moment, she sighed…then suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of a large chop nearby.

The chopping noise came from the sound of Nathan slapping his tenderloin on the table. "Here are my wares! he exclaimed. It is 2 fingers and a hand span. The measurements used at that time. It hushed the whole room. Suddenly a lowly voice filled the room.

It was not a voice though…it was Lady Emma from the House of Essex, who had been doing her daily bend and snap fitness regime…but she forgot the bend bit and what they heard were her screams…but in the corner of their eye, they could see a broken brush that Lady Emma had intended to use to paint 50 shades of black.

Black was her darkness. It was shrouded in her soul. She had a brush with death but she was still lucid. She needed to alert her companions of her predicament. She thought hard for hours. Suddenly she came up with a plan. She would cartwheel out of there. Her mind was shot but unfortunately her back was also. Her legs were like jelly but she didn't realise the consequences of that move. She found her phone nearby and had to call Lady Ali, who had crossed oceans in the travel from her home in Persia…whatever the cartwheel dilemma,

Lady Ali from Persia always had a theory so Lady Emma knew this was the call she had to make…(…and so to another chapter…)….

…when Persian Lady Ali from Persia, the great and wonderous theorist of their time, took the phone call …she was having a soothing back-foot suck and lubrication from her foot maidens, Hanah and Segun.

Well Lady Ali from Persia had taught such a thing to Lady Emma. Also Lady Martha. Who didn't quite execute said move so eloquently. Lady Emma had taken her teachings on board but she was still wary of her intentions towards herself after seeing the consequences of Lady Ali's previous misgivings. Lady Emma was confused. "How could this be"? she exclaimed. "Is she a witch? A red witch at that!"

The souls of Segunion and Khaledish had entered Lady Ali's body. She was being taken over by Marchy Marchy. "Ohhh. He's cute" she exclaimed. She had no power to resist at that point. She was gone. Her mind was not her own. Then suddenly her cute and beloved Marchy March screeched ‘they’ve taken my chicken…!!!!!!!!!!…’…those vampires have taken my chicken and now all I have in this dark period of my life is tea bags…?…this is so wrong and so tragic and awful that I’ve lost one of Marchy’s and now am just a one March peasant rap boy….but aha..!!!!!!!, he know who could help fix this…Oh My Daze Fairy Queen who lived behind the wall…she generally spent her time stuck to trees and plants and things, but he would seek her out…he would enter the dark forest and find her…but first, he must get the red witch Ali to help him through the wall.

The red witch cast a spell.

“Double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble”

The cauldron began to bubble. It cast a whole fog in the immediate area. She tried to use her invisibility cloak to escape the proceedings but she was clocked by Lady Lily of Warrington. "I see ya!" she exclaimed in excitement. The fairy queen Daze reached out to the red witch with a branch from the tree she was glued to and lifted her up, thus saving her from the baying crowd that had gathered.

Suddenly Lord Nathan returned from his travels and caused a diversion.

"I am back from my explorations! I have been to a place called Espania! Here I found many things but the most wondrous of them all is the potato!"

The crowd gasped..

"It will grow from my love and attention! I will nurture it until it is mature! I will never leave it's side!"

It was at that point Lord Thomas piped up and proclaimed…’I will choose my words carefully because I don’t have many words to say, I was given them very sparingly as there wasn’t many words left for my part in all of this…I will take whatever I get, though and I will use them for the good of …well, me’….

…although all intentions were good and enthusiasm was among them…the truth of it is that none knew how to nurture and grow the potato so that they could all share it in a roast dinner…as it was, the portions would be very small so they needed to increase those to satisfy their hungry stomach areas…poor Marchy’s area in the olden days had resembled a washboard but now it was sadly just a little withering bit of flesh and bone…they decided to travel to Coconut Bay in the heart of the Welsh forest to seek the help of the Wolfman, Izaaz…they didn’t even know whether he really existed as he had only ever been a mention of stories…he was a man of principles and honour unless he was sleep deprived…and then his wolf would emerge and he’d get very grumpy…but they would take that risk, that this encounter would see him more cheerful and helpful….and they’d take him some Welsh leeks, which would help enhance his mood…so off they all went, trekking toward the forest…but suddenly..

Marchys baby popped out. It was like a scene from Alien! His washboard had become a paunch. Some people thought it was a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a rock potato!

Ahh. Ahh. Ahh.

Ali inspected the carnage that ensued. "He's dead!" she proclaimed. " Now the Kingdom is mine! All mine!"

Lady Hanah was in full disagreement. "See my prince? Prince Segun? He will lift me up out of here and we shall rule this land forever!"

Prince Thomas stayed silent.

In the meantime someone removed Lord Nathan's baked potato for forensic analysis. It was the wicked red witch! She had mind control over Lord Segun and asked him to explain his actions. He crumbled under her superior powers.

His explanation of events riled the red witch. She wasn't standing for such ****ery.

Lady Sarah just stood by and watched. She couldn't intervene because Marchy was in her face and screaming…’you’re not an influencer…!!!!!!!!!…you women-folk always think that you are, that you are people of influence …but no, that’s only the bros - the Mandem are the only ones in this land who have any influence over others’…and as Marchy was screaming that right up in Lady Sarah’s face…Lord Segun gave 10,000 bursts of laughter from the side vault of the forest…while Lord Nathan remained unbothered by this turn of events…one potato, two potato…no1curr…if one potato was to fall then there would always be another …?…

…anyway, meanwhile…no one could find the one they called Khaled, it was as if he had completely vanished…they asked Prince Thomas…’where is the one they call Khaled/we call Khaled/who calls Khaled/please hold while we connect and stay on the line for a glass of wine etc)…’…but as always, Prince Thomas remained silent…was there a reason why he never spoke…?..was this some kind of witchery that Ali of Persia had brought about….?….suddenly there was an unapologetic eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek from the other side of the forest…‘that shriek is coming from the vault..’…they all said together, as they trembled and huddled and chanted the protective raps that Marchy had taught them to chant at such dangerous times.

The "eek" from the forest was foreboding. Somewhat sinister. Was it aliens or something else? The message slowly came through. They couldn't understand at first.

"What is it?" Ali questioned.

"M"!

"I'm not sure?" Nathan retorted.

"S!"

It's like the davinci code! Suddenly it all became clear.

"MSG!" cried the call from the heavens. "MSG!"

Lady Emma knew such vocabulary because she had attended the School of Soufend which was a highly sought after place for parents wanting their child to get the best possible education.

Anyway, to cut a long story short they all ended up arriving at Coconut Bay in the Welsh forest. Izaaz was there to greet them. "I've been waiting here 12 hours for you guys! I've got sleep deprivation! Not impressed!"

They had to tip-toe around him and let him sleep.

Later on, when he awoke, everyone was in the mood to go out. "I know!" Segun exclaimed. "Let's go to The Vault!" "I've heard it's a cool place and there's even a casino! You can win money in there!" Not everyone was on board though, but they'll went anyway. He got to the door but then realised he only had 4 tickets and the night was sold out. Who would he choose?

none of them had realised that while they were roaming the forest and triggering each other and fighting for air(time) …that The Vault had become more popular and sought after and restricted entry that The Oasis, which had previously been the forest it place since Liam and Noel had popped in for a cup of tea…so anyway, who would Lord Segun give the other three £10,000 street value golden tickets to…Lady Emma?… hmmmmmm, no because as much as she was a delightful lady whether she kept her upper garments on or not…(…no one knows if those rumours of back in the day had truth…)…if she was in the Vault, all she would ask is…’do you love her/is this true love’ and that had become tedious 6758975647 years ago…Lord Segun decided that he would invite the Lady Ali from Persia but that he would have to ask her to change her garment clothing because water melons were so last season…and because he had been accused of camp-ness, he had to keep a focus on fashion etc …he wouldn’t invite Marchy because Marchy was too in your face and The Vault was claustrophobic enough without that closeness happening…he wouldn’t invite Lord Thomas to the party event because…who would?….he wouldn’t invite Lady Sarah because she had become very controversial in her ways and there was no room in The Vault for controversy…The Vault already had 99 problems but controversy ain’t one of them…he would definitely invite the potato girl because that was such a versatile choice…there are so many potato variations…and aha, he would also invite Lord Nathan because that would be a shoe in or a lubricated back-foot in to the Royal Household…Lord Nathan had influential connections and Lord Segun was going to cash in £10,000 on those….

…so…it had been decided, the four was complete.

Yet Lady Ali wasn't happy with such a decision. Since Lord Liam and Noel had entered the foray. She couldn't understand her perspective.

"Am I liked or am I not liked"! "I think I am but I'm not so sure? D'ya know what I mean"?

"Let's do a poll"!

She called a general election in the land known only to the the locals as Nonsensical.

She brought thunder, rain and damnation.

"Oi shall rule this damn land as I please"!

Suddenly the heavens opened.

It was the angel GoldHeart who proclaimed "You will not take us on my watch"! "Never"!

Then the archangel of loveliness GlitterUK appeared. Giving voice of reason. "Prove you are worthy"!

The almighty Vesavius then roared with their voice.

"If you ain't down you ain't comin' in".

Heaven suddenly became a different place. Confusion took over. Then suddenly the confusion all cleared as on the horizon and over yonder, walking toward them…(…it was more floating than walking…)…was the wonderous legend of olde, the Grand Old Micknall Hucknall, the wizened old wizard…Lady Emma from Soufend gasped…and then she gasped again….and then another gasp…seeing this vision appear was like holding back the years that had come between the last time she saw Micknall Hucknall …but would he know her by now, she wondered…?…I mean, back in the day…something got them started but money became too tight to mention…but here was Lord Segun, mentioning his £10,000 money every few moments ….and that seemed to have released and broken the curse of being to tight to mention-ness….GoldHeart, GlitterUK, the one they called vesavius weren’t having any of the grand olde Micknall, though…this was their fairground and their watch and their Soufend Lady Emma…so let’s get ruthless, they said/screached/eeeeeeeeeeked and shouted in a cry that could only be described as ‘battle’.

Battle commenced. It was bloody and brutal. They had to fight for their place in the final. Although 2 would be lost along the way. Mick was tossed to the wayside. He had some reasonable moments but was now obsolete. He was eventually slayed from his horse and saw stars. SLAY! Earlier on he went to the fairground. It had a certain attraction.

"Stop this ****ery" Lady Emma of Soufend and the Cheshire set once removed from Wagmama exclaimed!

"There are more important things on the table"! Such as...had Lady Ali from Persia, the red haired one…cursed and besmirched her and ruined the name and reputation of the Lady from Soufend…had she hoodoo’d and voodoo’d her to all or any that would listen…Lady Emma had asked that question to Lady Ali of Persia directly but she had denied her twice…or was it thrice…Lord Thomas of doubting was in the house and he would know …this was all becoming very dark and very serious and no longer felt like a forest game…and they were all setting upon each other…only Lady Hanah had the power of calming with her calming ways …only she had the massaging power to heal this situation that was escalating before her beautiful eyes…‘be still, children …let’s all say it with together and united chest because we are all soft life babes in the wood’….eeeeeking and shrieking and fighting and drama is good and dandy between bredrin…but not when Ali says it

Init babes Mm. Deep..mm.

Sarah was just hiding in the background.

Suddenly. A pantomime had started and, unfortunately, she wasn't privy to it.

She had left the party and found herself on the outside.

But who was she with?

She didn't have a clue as she was blindfolded before she left that night. Disorientated she had to walk through the land. She thought she was on her own but then she heard a friendly voice.

Who could it be?

It was Benjamin from Wales, the home of the Great Dragon…he had always championed Lady Sarah through his many, many years in earth…and they were many because he was very old. But today wasn’t a day of championing, he hadn’t come to dry her tears…?…he had come to issue a dark warning, we’ll never know by now (nod to Micknall Hucknell the grand one) if that warning was official but it was dark because the goats and gloats were doing no harm and should be welcomed…but someone, somewhere was trying to stop those goats…and Benjamin was here to warn Lady Sarah about that …Lady Sarah screeched back at him…‘but this is a Game of All Time - a GOAT’ and I know, my beloved Welsh one that you don’t care for no goats so they had to stop…they had to stop so that we could be together forever in true love in this goatless Welsh forest …and you can be the mayor to my mayoress and we’ll be goat milk/cheese free forever.

Yet the Benjamin of Wales wasn't being true to Lady Sarah. Although he was very very very very very old, and somewhat antiquated in his ways, he held his heart out for someone else. His head had been turned. The goats did not perturbe him. He wanted to live life on his own terms. An idyllic life at that.

It presented a conundrum for Lord Benjamin of Wales.

Should he stick with his heart or his head?

He thought hard and long about it.

"Which fair maiden should win my heart"? "I am torn, so torn"!

Suddenly the old old old old old Lord Benjamin of Wales came to a decision.

"I have chosen to ask the Lily of the Valley of Cork, whose earth name was Niamh…she was a very young maiden and the old old old old old old old old old old old Benjamin of Wales was hugely envious of her youth and wisdom…but he knew that she held the magic brick of the land and if he was ever to know which path to follow…head or heart…he must seek the young Niamh out.

Niamh.! Niamh.! His pathetic cries consumed the land. Niamh.! Do not forsake me for I am your beholder! We are each others destiny! Yes! I am old old old old old old old old old, but my love for you is as young as the rites of Spring! Dewdrops! Kittens! For me this real! Ok. I once had a relationship with a goat. That doesn't count. We were on a break!

Niamh. hadn't quite considered such a proclamation from the very very old old old old old old old old old old old Lord Benjamin of Wales and had to consider her options. Would she succumb to his advances or did she have eyes on another?

Lady Niamh. thought through the night. She was flattered but also confused. Intently she reviewed her options.

The heavens then opened again

Was it a sign?

Suddenly she came into recognition.

"My love is"!…..but ….her thoughts were interrupted by the screams of Lord Segun who was looking toward the opened heavens and exclaiming ‘Hallelujah, it’s raining men!!!!!…oh wait, it’s actually raining goats, these are the prophesied Rains of 10,000 Goats…’….the ones that have kept the ancient Benjamin of Wales on earth for so many years past his time…this was a sign for the youthful and beautiful Niamh/Lily of the Valley of Cork and keeper of Bricks…that Benjamin of Wales still held that annoying goat in his dreams and in his heart that he’d shared CoCo Pops with when his ancient stupidness and the young and lovely Niamh were on a break….could this only mean that true love was never meant to be….?….or at least not for the ancient and old goat cheating Benjamin of Wales…

[Mrluvaluva]

No :hee:

Ok. You're getting burned.. :devil:

[Niamh.]

Ok. You're getting burned.. :devil:

:bawling:

[Ammi]

…I mean, it makes no sense at all but I still have to go back and correct spelling/grammar etc that’s jarring…as if that’s the thing of it…

[Ammi]

…I’m going to continue this vein as well in a Christmas story…TiBB Goativity - the journey from Wales to Cork without a donkey…

[Mrluvaluva]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

"I felt like a butchers bin bag as Nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl..

"BP" Nathan whispered in her ear. "Do not be alarmed my sweet maiden for I have come to save you. I am your destiny. I am the greatest purveyor of pork in the whole region. I will show you my credentials and you will truly believe the love I have for you. See my pork sword! I will use it to slay any man or beast who contends me"!

…that was such a sweet tenderloin of pork moment, she sighed…then suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of a large chop nearby.

The chopping noise came from the sound of Nathan slapping his tenderloin on the table. "Here are my wares! he exclaimed. It is 2 fingers and a hand span. The measurements used at that time. It hushed the whole room. Suddenly a lowly voice filled the room.

It was not a voice though…it was Lady Emma from the House of Essex, who had been doing her daily bend and snap fitness regime…but she forgot the bend bit and what they heard were her screams…but in the corner of their eye, they could see a broken brush that Lady Emma had intended to use to paint 50 shades of black.

Black was her darkness. It was shrouded in her soul. She had a brush with death but she was still lucid. She needed to alert her companions of her predicament. She thought hard for hours. Suddenly she came up with a plan. She would cartwheel out of there. Her mind was shot but unfortunately her back was also. Her legs were like jelly but she didn't realise the consequences of that move. She found her phone nearby and had to call Lady Ali, who had crossed oceans in the travel from her home in Persia…whatever the cartwheel dilemma,

Lady Ali from Persia always had a theory so Lady Emma knew this was the call she had to make…(…and so to another chapter…)….

…when Persian Lady Ali from Persia, the great and wonderous theorist of their time, took the phone call …she was having a soothing back-foot suck and lubrication from her foot maidens, Hanah and Segun.

Well Lady Ali from Persia had taught such a thing to Lady Emma. Also Lady Martha. Who didn't quite execute said move so eloquently. Lady Emma had taken her teachings on board but she was still wary of her intentions towards herself after seeing the consequences of Lady Ali's previous misgivings. Lady Emma was confused. "How could this be"? she exclaimed. "Is she a witch? A red witch at that!"

The souls of Segunion and Khaledish had entered Lady Ali's body. She was being taken over by Marchy Marchy. "Ohhh. He's cute" she exclaimed. She had no power to resist at that point. She was gone. Her mind was not her own. Then suddenly her cute and beloved Marchy March screeched ‘they’ve taken my chicken…!!!!!!!!!!…’…those vampires have taken my chicken and now all I have in this dark period of my life is tea bags…?…this is so wrong and so tragic and awful that I’ve lost one of Marchy’s and now am just a one March peasant rap boy….but aha..!!!!!!!, he know who could help fix this…Oh My Daze Fairy Queen who lived behind the wall…she generally spent her time stuck to trees and plants and things, but he would seek her out…he would enter the dark forest and find her…but first, he must get the red witch Ali to help him through the wall.

The red witch cast a spell.

“Double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble”

The cauldron began to bubble. It cast a whole fog in the immediate area. She tried to use her invisibility cloak to escape the proceedings but she was clocked by Lady Lily of Warrington. "I see ya!" she exclaimed in excitement. The fairy queen Daze reached out to the red witch with a branch from the tree she was glued to and lifted her up, thus saving her from the baying crowd that had gathered.

Suddenly Lord Nathan returned from his travels and caused a diversion.

"I am back from my explorations! I have been to a place called Espania! Here I found many things but the most wondrous of them all is the potato!"

The crowd gasped..

"It will grow from my love and attention! I will nurture it until it is mature! I will never leave it's side!"

It was at that point Lord Thomas piped up and proclaimed…’I will choose my words carefully because I don’t have many words to say, I was given them very sparingly as there wasn’t many words left for my part in all of this…I will take whatever I get, though and I will use them for the good of …well, me’….

…although all intentions were good and enthusiasm was among them…the truth of it is that none knew how to nurture and grow the potato so that they could all share it in a roast dinner…as it was, the portions would be very small so they needed to increase those to satisfy their hungry stomach areas…poor Marchy’s area in the olden days had resembled a washboard but now it was sadly just a little withering bit of flesh and bone…they decided to travel to Coconut Bay in the heart of the Welsh forest to seek the help of the Wolfman, Izaaz…they didn’t even know whether he really existed as he had only ever been a mention of stories…he was a man of principles and honour unless he was sleep deprived…and then his wolf would emerge and he’d get very grumpy…but they would take that risk, that this encounter would see him more cheerful and helpful….and they’d take him some Welsh leeks, which would help enhance his mood…so off they all went, trekking toward the forest…but suddenly..

Marchys baby popped out. It was like a scene from Alien! His washboard had become a paunch. Some people thought it was a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a rock potato!

Ahh. Ahh. Ahh.

Ali inspected the carnage that ensued. "He's dead!" she proclaimed. " Now the Kingdom is mine! All mine!"

Lady Hanah was in full disagreement. "See my prince? Prince Segun? He will lift me up out of here and we shall rule this land forever!"

Prince Thomas stayed silent.

In the meantime someone removed Lord Nathan's baked potato for forensic analysis. It was the wicked red witch! She had mind control over Lord Segun and asked him to explain his actions. He crumbled under her superior powers.

His explanation of events riled the red witch. She wasn't standing for such ****ery.

Lady Sarah just stood by and watched. She couldn't intervene because Marchy was in her face and screaming…’you’re not an influencer…!!!!!!!!!…you women-folk always think that you are, that you are people of influence …but no, that’s only the bros - the Mandem are the only ones in this land who have any influence over others’…and as Marchy was screaming that right up in Lady Sarah’s face…Lord Segun gave 10,000 bursts of laughter from the side vault of the forest…while Lord Nathan remained unbothered by this turn of events…one potato, two potato…no1curr…if one potato was to fall then there would always be another …?…

…anyway, meanwhile…no one could find the one they called Khaled, it was as if he had completely vanished…they asked Prince Thomas…’where is the one they call Khaled/we call Khaled/who calls Khaled/please hold while we connect and stay on the line for a glass of wine etc)…’…but as always, Prince Thomas remained silent…was there a reason why he never spoke…?..was this some kind of witchery that Ali of Persia had brought about….?….suddenly there was an unapologetic eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek from the other side of the forest…‘that shriek is coming from the vault..’…they all said together, as they trembled and huddled and chanted the protective raps that Marchy had taught them to chant at such dangerous times.

The "eek" from the forest was foreboding. Somewhat sinister. Was it aliens or something else? The message slowly came through. They couldn't understand at first.

"What is it?" Ali questioned.

"M"!

"I'm not sure?" Nathan retorted.

"S!"

It's like the davinci code! Suddenly it all became clear.

"MSG!" cried the call from the heavens. "MSG!"

Lady Emma knew such vocabulary because she had attended the School of Soufend which was a highly sought after place for parents wanting their child to get the best possible education.

Anyway, to cut a long story short they all ended up arriving at Coconut Bay in the Welsh forest. Izaaz was there to greet them. "I've been waiting here 12 hours for you guys! I've got sleep deprivation! Not impressed!"

They had to tip-toe around him and let him sleep.

Later on, when he awoke, everyone was in the mood to go out. "I know!" Segun exclaimed. "Let's go to The Vault!" "I've heard it's a cool place and there's even a casino! You can win money in there!" Not everyone was on board though, but they'll went anyway. He got to the door but then realised he only had 4 tickets and the night was sold out. Who would he choose?

none of them had realised that while they were roaming the forest and triggering each other and fighting for air(time) …that The Vault had become more popular and sought after and restricted entry that The Oasis, which had previously been the forest it place since Liam and Noel had popped in for a cup of tea…so anyway, who would Lord Segun give the other three £10,000 street value golden tickets to…Lady Emma?… hmmmmmm, no because as much as she was a delightful lady whether she kept her upper garments on or not…(…no one knows if those rumours of back in the day had truth…)…if she was in the Vault, all she would ask is…’do you love her/is this true love’ and that had become tedious 6758975647 years ago…Lord Segun decided that he would invite the Lady Ali from Persia but that he would have to ask her to change her garment clothing because water melons were so last season…and because he had been accused of camp-ness, he had to keep a focus on fashion etc …he wouldn’t invite Marchy because Marchy was too in your face and The Vault was claustrophobic enough without that closeness happening…he wouldn’t invite Lord Thomas to the party event because…who would?….he wouldn’t invite Lady Sarah because she had become very controversial in her ways and there was no room in The Vault for controversy…The Vault already had 99 problems but controversy ain’t one of them…he would definitely invite the potato girl because that was such a versatile choice…there are so many potato variations…and aha, he would also invite Lord Nathan because that would be a shoe in or a lubricated back-foot in to the Royal Household…Lord Nathan had influential connections and Lord Segun was going to cash in £10,000 on those….

…so…it had been decided, the four was complete.

Yet Lady Ali wasn't happy with such a decision. Since Lord Liam and Noel had entered the foray. She couldn't understand her perspective.

"Am I liked or am I not liked"! "I think I am but I'm not so sure? D'ya know what I mean"?

"Let's do a poll"!

She called a general election in the land known only to the the locals as Nonsensical.

She brought thunder, rain and damnation.

"Oi shall rule this damn land as I please"!

Suddenly the heavens opened.

It was the angel GoldHeart who proclaimed "You will not take us on my watch"! "Never"!

Then the archangel of loveliness GlitterUK appeared. Giving voice of reason. "Prove you are worthy"!

The almighty Vesavius then roared with their voice.

"If you ain't down you ain't comin' in".

Heaven suddenly became a different place. Confusion took over. Then suddenly the confusion all cleared as on the horizon and over yonder, walking toward them…(…it was more floating than walking…)…was the wonderous legend of olde, the Grand Old Micknall Hucknall, the wizened old wizard…Lady Emma from Soufend gasped…and then she gasped again….and then another gasp…seeing this vision appear was like holding back the years that had come between the last time she saw Micknall Hucknall …but would he know her by now, she wondered…?…I mean, back in the day…something got them started but money became too tight to mention…but here was Lord Segun, mentioning his £10,000 money every few moments ….and that seemed to have released and broken the curse of being to tight to mention-ness….GoldHeart, GlitterUK, the one they called vesavius weren’t having any of the grand olde Micknall, though…this was their fairground and their watch and their Soufend Lady Emma…so let’s get ruthless, they said/screached/eeeeeeeeeeked and shouted in a cry that could only be described as ‘battle’.

Battle commenced. It was bloody and brutal. They had to fight for their place in the final. Although 2 would be lost along the way. Mick was tossed to the wayside. He had some reasonable moments but was now obsolete. He was eventually slayed from his horse and saw stars. SLAY! Earlier on he went to the fairground. It had a certain attraction.

"Stop this ****ery" Lady Emma of Soufend and the Cheshire set once removed from Wagmama exclaimed!

"There are more important things on the table"! Such as...had Lady Ali from Persia, the red haired one…cursed and besmirched her and ruined the name and reputation of the Lady from Soufend…had she hoodoo’d and voodoo’d her to all or any that would listen…Lady Emma had asked that question to Lady Ali of Persia directly but she had denied her twice…or was it thrice…Lord Thomas of doubting was in the house and he would know …this was all becoming very dark and very serious and no longer felt like a forest game…and they were all setting upon each other…only Lady Hanah had the power of calming with her calming ways …only she had the massaging power to heal this situation that was escalating before her beautiful eyes…‘be still, children …let’s all say it with together and united chest because we are all soft life babes in the wood’….eeeeeking and shrieking and fighting and drama is good and dandy between bredrin…but not when Ali says it

Init babes Mm. Deep..mm.

Sarah was just hiding in the background.

Suddenly. A pantomime had started and, unfortunately, she wasn't privy to it.

She had left the party and found herself on the outside.

But who was she with?

She didn't have a clue as she was blindfolded before she left that night. Disorientated she had to walk through the land. She thought she was on her own but then she heard a friendly voice.

Who could it be?

It was Benjamin from Wales, the home of the Great Dragon…he had always championed Lady Sarah through his many, many years in earth…and they were many because he was very old. But today wasn’t a day of championing, he hadn’t come to dry her tears…?…he had come to issue a dark warning, we’ll never know by now (nod to Micknall Hucknell the grand one) if that warning was official but it was dark because the goats and gloats were doing no harm and should be welcomed…but someone, somewhere was trying to stop those goats…and Benjamin was here to warn Lady Sarah about that …Lady Sarah screeched back at him…‘but this is a Game of All Time - a GOAT’ and I know, my beloved Welsh one that you don’t care for no goats so they had to stop…they had to stop so that we could be together forever in true love in this goatless Welsh forest …and you can be the mayor to my mayoress and we’ll be goat milk/cheese free forever.

Yet the Benjamin of Wales wasn't being true to Lady Sarah. Although he was very very very very very old, and somewhat antiquated in his ways, he held his heart out for someone else. His head had been turned. The goats did not perturbe him. He wanted to live life on his own terms. An idyllic life at that.

It presented a conundrum for Lord Benjamin of Wales.

Should he stick with his heart or his head?

He thought hard and long about it.

"Which fair maiden should win my heart"? "I am torn, so torn"!

Suddenly the old old old old old Lord Benjamin of Wales came to a decision.

"I have chosen to ask the Lily of the Valley of Cork, whose earth name was Niamh…she was a very young maiden and the old old old old old old old old old old old Benjamin of Wales was hugely envious of her youth and wisdom…but he knew that she held the magic brick of the land and if he was ever to know which path to follow…head or heart…he must seek the young Niamh out.

Niamh.! Niamh.! His pathetic cries consumed the land. Niamh.! Do not forsake me for I am your beholder! We are each others destiny! Yes! I am old old old old old old old old old, but my love for you is as young as the rites of Spring! Dewdrops! Kittens! For me this real! Ok. I once had a relationship with a goat. That doesn't count. We were on a break!

Niamh. hadn't quite considered such a proclamation from the very very old old old old old old old old old old old Lord Benjamin of Wales and had to consider her options. Would she succumb to his advances or did she have eyes on another?

Lady Niamh. thought through the night. She was flattered but also confused. Intently she reviewed her options.

The heavens then opened again

Was it a sign?

Suddenly she came into recognition.

"My love is"!…..but ….her thoughts were interrupted by the screams of Lord Segun who was looking toward the opened heavens and exclaiming ‘Hallelujah, it’s raining men!!!!!…oh wait, it’s actually raining goats, these are the prophesied Rains of 10,000 goats…’….the ones that have kept the ancient Benjamin of Wales on earth for so many years past his time…this was a sign for the youthful and beautiful Niamh/Lily of the Valley of Cork and keeper of Bricks…that Benjamin of Wales still held that annoying goat in his dreams and in his heart that he’d shared CoCo Pops with when his ancient stupidness and the young and lovely Niamh were on a break….could this only mean that true love was never meant to be….?….or at least not for the ancient and old goat cheating Benjamin of Wales.

Lady Niamh. didn't care. Lord Benjamin was always her true love. Cocopops couldn't keep her away from his tenderloin(s). She had sucummbed to his charms and the lovely big cucumber he grew in his vegetable patch on the land of Wales. Ben had named it Benedict Cucumberpatch. She was more after his leeks. Leeks were a path of righteousness.

The old duke Benjamin walked her out into the walled garden. They laughed and joked as Lady Niamh. took his leeks and exclaimed..

Cor blimey! They're the biggest leeks I ever saw! Bigger than the biggest aspidistra in the whole world!

They gazed at each other in excitement. Lord Benjamin leaned in. Almost brushing against Lady Niamh.s lips. It made him shiver. It made him quiver.

"Will you"? Lady Niamh. asked...

[Lostie!]

Stay tuned for her next bestseller, Lady Tattyley's Lover

[Mrluvaluva]

…I mean, it makes no sense at all but I still have to go back and correct spelling/grammar etc that’s jarring…as if that’s the thing of it…

Ok well spoil it then..

[Ammi]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

"I felt like a butchers bin bag as Nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl..

"BP" Nathan whispered in her ear. "Do not be alarmed my sweet maiden for I have come to save you. I am your destiny. I am the greatest purveyor of pork in the whole region. I will show you my credentials and you will truly believe the love I have for you. See my pork sword! I will use it to slay any man or beast who contends me"!

…that was such a sweet tenderloin of pork moment, she sighed…then suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of a large chop nearby.

The chopping noise came from the sound of Nathan slapping his tenderloin on the table. "Here are my wares! he exclaimed. It is 2 fingers and a hand span. The measurements used at that time. It hushed the whole room. Suddenly a lowly voice filled the room.

It was not a voice though…it was Lady Emma from the House of Essex, who had been doing her daily bend and snap fitness regime…but she forgot the bend bit and what they heard were her screams…but in the corner of their eye, they could see a broken brush that Lady Emma had intended to use to paint 50 shades of black.

Black was her darkness. It was shrouded in her soul. She had a brush with death but she was still lucid. She needed to alert her companions of her predicament. She thought hard for hours. Suddenly she came up with a plan. She would cartwheel out of there. Her mind was shot but unfortunately her back was also. Her legs were like jelly but she didn't realise the consequences of that move. She found her phone nearby and had to call Lady Ali, who had crossed oceans in the travel from her home in Persia…whatever the cartwheel dilemma,

Lady Ali from Persia always had a theory so Lady Emma knew this was the call she had to make…(…and so to another chapter…)….

…when Persian Lady Ali from Persia, the great and wonderous theorist of their time, took the phone call …she was having a soothing back-foot suck and lubrication from her foot maidens, Hanah and Segun.

Well Lady Ali from Persia had taught such a thing to Lady Emma. Also Lady Martha. Who didn't quite execute said move so eloquently. Lady Emma had taken her teachings on board but she was still wary of her intentions towards herself after seeing the consequences of Lady Ali's previous misgivings. Lady Emma was confused. "How could this be"? she exclaimed. "Is she a witch? A red witch at that!"

The souls of Segunion and Khaledish had entered Lady Ali's body. She was being taken over by Marchy Marchy. "Ohhh. He's cute" she exclaimed. She had no power to resist at that point. She was gone. Her mind was not her own. Then suddenly her cute and beloved Marchy March screeched ‘they’ve taken my chicken…!!!!!!!!!!…’…those vampires have taken my chicken and now all I have in this dark period of my life is tea bags…?…this is so wrong and so tragic and awful that I’ve lost one of Marchy’s and now am just a one March peasant rap boy….but aha..!!!!!!!, he know who could help fix this…Oh My Daze Fairy Queen who lived behind the wall…she generally spent her time stuck to trees and plants and things, but he would seek her out…he would enter the dark forest and find her…but first, he must get the red witch Ali to help him through the wall.

The red witch cast a spell.

“Double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble”

The cauldron began to bubble. It cast a whole fog in the immediate area. She tried to use her invisibility cloak to escape the proceedings but she was clocked by Lady Lily of Warrington. "I see ya!" she exclaimed in excitement. The fairy queen Daze reached out to the red witch with a branch from the tree she was glued to and lifted her up, thus saving her from the baying crowd that had gathered.

Suddenly Lord Nathan returned from his travels and caused a diversion.

"I am back from my explorations! I have been to a place called Espania! Here I found many things but the most wondrous of them all is the potato!"

The crowd gasped..

"It will grow from my love and attention! I will nurture it until it is mature! I will never leave it's side!"

It was at that point Lord Thomas piped up and proclaimed…’I will choose my words carefully because I don’t have many words to say, I was given them very sparingly as there wasn’t many words left for my part in all of this…I will take whatever I get, though and I will use them for the good of …well, me’….

…although all intentions were good and enthusiasm was among them…the truth of it is that none knew how to nurture and grow the potato so that they could all share it in a roast dinner…as it was, the portions would be very small so they needed to increase those to satisfy their hungry stomach areas…poor Marchy’s area in the olden days had resembled a washboard but now it was sadly just a little withering bit of flesh and bone…they decided to travel to Coconut Bay in the heart of the Welsh forest to seek the help of the Wolfman, Izaaz…they didn’t even know whether he really existed as he had only ever been a mention of stories…he was a man of principles and honour unless he was sleep deprived…and then his wolf would emerge and he’d get very grumpy…but they would take that risk, that this encounter would see him more cheerful and helpful….and they’d take him some Welsh leeks, which would help enhance his mood…so off they all went, trekking toward the forest…but suddenly..

Marchys baby popped out. It was like a scene from Alien! His washboard had become a paunch. Some people thought it was a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a rock potato!

Ahh. Ahh. Ahh.

Ali inspected the carnage that ensued. "He's dead!" she proclaimed. " Now the Kingdom is mine! All mine!"

Lady Hanah was in full disagreement. "See my prince? Prince Segun? He will lift me up out of here and we shall rule this land forever!"

Prince Thomas stayed silent.

In the meantime someone removed Lord Nathan's baked potato for forensic analysis. It was the wicked red witch! She had mind control over Lord Segun and asked him to explain his actions. He crumbled under her superior powers.

His explanation of events riled the red witch. She wasn't standing for such ****ery.

Lady Sarah just stood by and watched. She couldn't intervene because Marchy was in her face and screaming…’you’re not an influencer…!!!!!!!!!…you women-folk always think that you are, that you are people of influence …but no, that’s only the bros - the Mandem are the only ones in this land who have any influence over others’…and as Marchy was screaming that right up in Lady Sarah’s face…Lord Segun gave 10,000 bursts of laughter from the side vault of the forest…while Lord Nathan remained unbothered by this turn of events…one potato, two potato…no1curr…if one potato was to fall then there would always be another …?…

…anyway, meanwhile…no one could find the one they called Khaled, it was as if he had completely vanished…they asked Prince Thomas…’where is the one they call Khaled/we call Khaled/who calls Khaled/please hold while we connect and stay on the line for a glass of wine etc)…’…but as always, Prince Thomas remained silent…was there a reason why he never spoke…?..was this some kind of witchery that Ali of Persia had brought about….?….suddenly there was an unapologetic eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek from the other side of the forest…‘that shriek is coming from the vault..’…they all said together, as they trembled and huddled and chanted the protective raps that Marchy had taught them to chant at such dangerous times.

The "eek" from the forest was foreboding. Somewhat sinister. Was it aliens or something else? The message slowly came through. They couldn't understand at first.

"What is it?" Ali questioned.

"M"!

"I'm not sure?" Nathan retorted.

"S!"

It's like the davinci code! Suddenly it all became clear.

"MSG!" cried the call from the heavens. "MSG!"

Lady Emma knew such vocabulary because she had attended the School of Soufend which was a highly sought after place for parents wanting their child to get the best possible education.

Anyway, to cut a long story short they all ended up arriving at Coconut Bay in the Welsh forest. Izaaz was there to greet them. "I've been waiting here 12 hours for you guys! I've got sleep deprivation! Not impressed!"

They had to tip-toe around him and let him sleep.

Later on, when he awoke, everyone was in the mood to go out. "I know!" Segun exclaimed. "Let's go to The Vault!" "I've heard it's a cool place and there's even a casino! You can win money in there!" Not everyone was on board though, but they'll went anyway. He got to the door but then realised he only had 4 tickets and the night was sold out. Who would he choose?

none of them had realised that while they were roaming the forest and triggering each other and fighting for air(time) …that The Vault had become more popular and sought after and restricted entry that The Oasis, which had previously been the forest it place since Liam and Noel had popped in for a cup of tea…so anyway, who would Lord Segun give the other three £10,000 street value golden tickets to…Lady Emma?… hmmmmmm, no because as much as she was a delightful lady whether she kept her upper garments on or not…(…no one knows if those rumours of back in the day had truth…)…if she was in the Vault, all she would ask is…’do you love her/is this true love’ and that had become tedious 6758975647 years ago…Lord Segun decided that he would invite the Lady Ali from Persia but that he would have to ask her to change her garment clothing because water melons were so last season…and because he had been accused of camp-ness, he had to keep a focus on fashion etc …he wouldn’t invite Marchy because Marchy was too in your face and The Vault was claustrophobic enough without that closeness happening…he wouldn’t invite Lord Thomas to the party event because…who would?….he wouldn’t invite Lady Sarah because she had become very controversial in her ways and there was no room in The Vault for controversy…The Vault already had 99 problems but controversy ain’t one of them…he would definitely invite the potato girl because that was such a versatile choice…there are so many potato variations…and aha, he would also invite Lord Nathan because that would be a shoe in or a lubricated back-foot in to the Royal Household…Lord Nathan had influential connections and Lord Segun was going to cash in £10,000 on those….

…so…it had been decided, the four was complete.

Yet Lady Ali wasn't happy with such a decision. Since Lord Liam and Noel had entered the foray. She couldn't understand her perspective.

"Am I liked or am I not liked"! "I think I am but I'm not so sure? D'ya know what I mean"?

"Let's do a poll"!

She called a general election in the land known only to the the locals as Nonsensical.

She brought thunder, rain and damnation.

"Oi shall rule this damn land as I please"!

Suddenly the heavens opened.

It was the angel GoldHeart who proclaimed "You will not take us on my watch"! "Never"!

Then the archangel of loveliness GlitterUK appeared. Giving voice of reason. "Prove you are worthy"!

The almighty Vesavius then roared with their voice.

"If you ain't down you ain't comin' in".

Heaven suddenly became a different place. Confusion took over. Then suddenly the confusion all cleared as on the horizon and over yonder, walking toward them…(…it was more floating than walking…)…was the wonderous legend of olde, the Grand Old Micknall Hucknall, the wizened old wizard…Lady Emma from Soufend gasped…and then she gasped again….and then another gasp…seeing this vision appear was like holding back the years that had come between the last time she saw Micknall Hucknall …but would he know her by now, she wondered…?…I mean, back in the day…something got them started but money became too tight to mention…but here was Lord Segun, mentioning his £10,000 money every few moments ….and that seemed to have released and broken the curse of being to tight to mention-ness….GoldHeart, GlitterUK, the one they called vesavius weren’t having any of the grand olde Micknall, though…this was their fairground and their watch and their Soufend Lady Emma…so let’s get ruthless, they said/screached/eeeeeeeeeeked and shouted in a cry that could only be described as ‘battle’.

Battle commenced. It was bloody and brutal. They had to fight for their place in the final. Although 2 would be lost along the way. Mick was tossed to the wayside. He had some reasonable moments but was now obsolete. He was eventually slayed from his horse and saw stars. SLAY! Earlier on he went to the fairground. It had a certain attraction.

"Stop this ****ery" Lady Emma of Soufend and the Cheshire set once removed from Wagmama exclaimed!

"There are more important things on the table"! Such as...had Lady Ali from Persia, the red haired one…cursed and besmirched her and ruined the name and reputation of the Lady from Soufend…had she hoodoo’d and voodoo’d her to all or any that would listen…Lady Emma had asked that question to Lady Ali of Persia directly but she had denied her twice…or was it thrice…Lord Thomas of doubting was in the house and he would know …this was all becoming very dark and very serious and no longer felt like a forest game…and they were all setting upon each other…only Lady Hanah had the power of calming with her calming ways …only she had the massaging power to heal this situation that was escalating before her beautiful eyes…‘be still, children …let’s all say it with together and united chest because we are all soft life babes in the wood’….eeeeeking and shrieking and fighting and drama is good and dandy between bredrin…but not when Ali says it

Init babes Mm. Deep..mm.

Sarah was just hiding in the background.

Suddenly. A pantomime had started and, unfortunately, she wasn't privy to it.

She had left the party and found herself on the outside.

But who was she with?

She didn't have a clue as she was blindfolded before she left that night. Disorientated she had to walk through the land. She thought she was on her own but then she heard a friendly voice.

Who could it be?

It was Benjamin from Wales, the home of the Great Dragon…he had always championed Lady Sarah through his many, many years in earth…and they were many because he was very old. But today wasn’t a day of championing, he hadn’t come to dry her tears…?…he had come to issue a dark warning, we’ll never know by now (nod to Micknall Hucknell the grand one) if that warning was official but it was dark because the goats and gloats were doing no harm and should be welcomed…but someone, somewhere was trying to stop those goats…and Benjamin was here to warn Lady Sarah about that …Lady Sarah screeched back at him…‘but this is a Game of All Time - a GOAT’ and I know, my beloved Welsh one that you don’t care for no goats so they had to stop…they had to stop so that we could be together forever in true love in this goatless Welsh forest …and you can be the mayor to my mayoress and we’ll be goat milk/cheese free forever.

Yet the Benjamin of Wales wasn't being true to Lady Sarah. Although he was very very very very very old, and somewhat antiquated in his ways, he held his heart out for someone else. His head had been turned. The goats did not perturbe him. He wanted to live life on his own terms. An idyllic life at that.

It presented a conundrum for Lord Benjamin of Wales.

Should he stick with his heart or his head?

He thought hard and long about it.

"Which fair maiden should win my heart"? "I am torn, so torn"!

Suddenly the old old old old old Lord Benjamin of Wales came to a decision.

"I have chosen to ask the Lily of the Valley of Cork, whose earth name was Niamh…she was a very young maiden and the old old old old old old old old old old old Benjamin of Wales was hugely envious of her youth and wisdom…but he knew that she held the magic brick of the land and if he was ever to know which path to follow…head or heart…he must seek the young Niamh out.

Niamh.! Niamh.! His pathetic cries consumed the land. Niamh.! Do not forsake me for I am your beholder! We are each others destiny! Yes! I am old old old old old old old old old, but my love for you is as young as the rites of Spring! Dewdrops! Kittens! For me this real! Ok. I once had a relationship with a goat. That doesn't count. We were on a break!

Niamh. hadn't quite considered such a proclamation from the very very old old old old old old old old old old old Lord Benjamin of Wales and had to consider her options. Would she succumb to his advances or did she have eyes on another?

Lady Niamh. thought through the night. She was flattered but also confused. Intently she reviewed her options.

The heavens then opened again

Was it a sign?

Suddenly she came into recognition.

"My love is"!…..but ….her thoughts were interrupted by the screams of Lord Segun who was looking toward the opened heavens and exclaiming ‘Hallelujah, it’s raining men!!!!!…oh wait, it’s actually raining goats, these are the prophesied Rains of 10,000 goats…’….the ones that have kept the ancient Benjamin of Wales on earth for so many years past his time…this was a sign for the youthful and beautiful Niamh/Lily of the Valley of Cork and keeper of Bricks…that Benjamin of Wales still held that annoying goat in his dreams and in his heart that he’d shared CoCo Pops with when his ancient stupidness and the young and lovely Niamh were on a break….could this only mean that true love was never meant to be….?….or at least not for the ancient and old goat cheating Benjamin of Wales.

Niamh. didn't care. Ben was always her true love. Cocopops couldn't keep her away from his tenderloin(s). She had sucummbed to his charms and the lovely big cucumber he grew in his vegetable patch on the land of Wales. Ben had named it Benedict Cucumberpatch. She was more after his leeks. Leeks were a path of righteousness.

Ben walked her out into the walled garden. They laughed and joked as Lady Niamh. took his leeks and exclaimed..

Cor blimey! They're the biggest leaks I ever saw! Bigger than the biggest aspidistra in the whole world!

They gazed at each other in excitement. Ben leaned in. Almost brushing against Lady Niamh.s lips. It made him shiver. It made him quiver.

"Will you"? Lady Niamh. asked...’send forth a sneak peek of those leeks…around 2.30pm while the afternoon sun is shining would be lovely …so that all villagers and peasants in the land can ponder and contemplate …and consider and calculate…and muse over and think on and assess the leek peaking situation and drama that has troubled us all these many weeks…leek weeks-gate….if we have to wait until nightfall for a sneak leek peak, then we may all turn to dust…

[Ammi]

…and just a little story Sneak Peak side note…


https://www.thisisbigbrother.com/forums/showthread.php?p=11569124#post11569124

[Ammi]

…I was thinking that Kate’s thread title…/…’Oh Segun, you utter bastard..!!!!!’….would be the story title that we need …

[Mrluvaluva]

Or a song:

Oh Segun, you utter bastard.
I'll never go out with you to get plastered.
I despise you so.
You gotta go.
Oh Segun, you utter bastard.

I was walkin' down the road the other day.
I met my girl Martha and boy did she slay.
She said with a stammer.
That you had shagged Hanah.
Oh Segun, you utter bastard.

I wasn't sure of you at the start.
I thought that you might take my heart.
But now it's in bits.
You get on my tits.
Oh Segun, you utter bastard.

Ooh. Ooooh. Oooooh.
Ooh. Ooooh. Oooooh.
Ooh. Ooooh. Oooooh.
Ooh. Ooooh. Oooooooooh!!!

I used to love our flirty ways.
At one time I thought you had a thing for Daze.
One day I might have converted for you.
But now we're so completely through.
Oh Segun, you utter bastard!

Sha la la.
Sha la la.
Sha la la.
Sha la loo la la!!!

Ooh ooh ooh. Bastard!
Ooh ooh ooh. Bastard!
Ooh ooh ooh. Bastard!
Bastard! Bastard!

[Ammi]

Or a song:

Oh Segun, you utter bastard.
I'll never go out with you to get plastered.
I despise you so.
You gotta go.
Oh Segun, you utter bastard.

I was walkin' down the road the other day.
I met my girl Martha and boy did she slay.
She said with a stammer.
That you had shagged Hanah.
Oh Segun, you utter bastard.

I wasn't sure of you at the start.
I thought that you might take my heart.
But now it's in bits.
You get on my tits.
Oh Segun, you utter bastard.

Ooh. Ooooh. Oooooh.
Ooh. Ooooh. Oooooh.
Ooh. Ooooh. Oooooh.
Ooh. Ooooh. Oooooooooh!!!

I used to love our flirty ways.
At one time I thought you had a thing for Daze.
One day I might have converted for you.
But now we're so completely through.
Oh Segun, you utter bastard!

Sha la la.
Sha la la.
Sha la la.
Sha la loo la la!!!

Ooh ooh ooh. Bastard!
Ooh ooh ooh. Bastard!
Ooh ooh ooh. Bastard!
Bastard! Bastard!


…:flutter:…this is the first Christmas song I’ll play each year now…Utter Bastard re-mastered, unplugged and live etc…gorgeous…:love:… /Mrlyriclyric….