I'm having an emotionally sad day.

[Holly Christmas]

Does anyone want a pm chat?

Reaching out cos I'm really sad today. Been looking at my Josh's photos etc and not doing great. It's a blip, I'll be fine, just I had a dream about him last night and it was so real.its lingered and made me have a cry.

Help?

[ThomasC]

You will be OK Kate.

One of those days. Sending hugs x

[Holly Christmas]

You will be OK Kate.

One of those days. Sending hugs x

Thank you. I'll be fine later. I'm resilient. Xxxx

[Santa's NaughtiNess]

:hug:Does anyone want a pm chat?

Reaching out cos I'm really sad today. Been looking at my Josh's photos etc and not doing great. It's a blip, I'll be fine, just I had a dream about him last night and it was so real.its lingered and made me have a cry.

Help?

[Holly Christmas]

:hug:

Thanks. I'm alright now. Gotta get on with things.

It's good that I'm busy.

[thesheriff443]

Life is a constant test
Try your best and fcuk the rest

[arista]

what photos?

[Holly Christmas]

what photos?

My photos I have of him in frames and his wedding photos on Facebook.

[Cherry Christmas]

January blues Kate, everything is heightened at this time of year

[Holly Christmas]

January blues Kate, everything is heightened at this time of year

Yeah that makes sense Cherie. I'm feeling better now I've talked about it a bit.

[Alf]

Don't worry Kate. We're nearly halfway through January, It'll soon be Christmas

[Holly Christmas]

Thanks for the support people. I feel tons better. I know he's safe and happy. That's the main thing.

I'm back to feeling more positive. I have a lot of love and support around me. I'm very lucky.

[Thotmas]

Oh kate I'm sorry you felt like this. As it's been mentioned January blues. I'm glad you feel bit better

[arista]

Oh kate I'm sorry you felt like this. As it's been mentioned January blues. I'm glad you feel bit better


Yes that's good

[Thotmas]

Thank you lovely. That means a lot to me.

Kisses and hugs

[Holly Christmas]

Kisses and hugs

Ahh you're so lovely.

Yes what happened was that after my mum died I had a breakdown and was admitted to the mental health ward for 6 months. The council put my son into a flat on his own. At just 17 years of age. It's no wonder he felt abandoned. Lost his nan traumatically ( he was with me when we found her body) and then lost his home and his mum. Very sad circumstances. I don't blame my son for cutting ties. I just hope one day he gets in touch. X

[James]

Kate, have you looked around to see if there are any support groups locally or online where you could talk with people in similar situations?

That can be a help.

[Holly Christmas]

Kate, have you looked around to see if there are any support groups locally or online where you could talk with people in similar situations?

That can be a help.

Thanks James. I haven't actually. I will look into this. I've had telephone counselling specifically fie this situation and that was helpful but it was a limited number of sessions. I'll check it out later today. I think I'd benefit from that.

[Holly Christmas]

I've managed to find a Facebook support group specifically for people who are estranged from their older children. It sounds good. I've joined it. Membership is pending. I think it'll be helpful. Thank you James

[Merry Mockmas]

I'm sorry to hear that Kate.

I'm trying to think of something to say that will help you, but I hope that you're doing well.

[Merry Mockmas]

I've managed to find a Facebook support group specifically for people who are estranged from their older children. It sounds good. I've joined it. Membership is pending. I think it'll be helpful. Thank you James

That sounds like good news.

[Cherry Christmas]

Ahh you're so lovely.

Yes what happened was that after my mum died I had a breakdown and was admitted to the mental health ward for 6 months. The council put my son into a flat on his own. At just 17 years of age. It's no wonder he felt abandoned. Lost his nan traumatically ( he was with me when we found her body) and then lost his home and his mum. Very sad circumstances. I don't blame my son for cutting ties. I just hope one day he gets in touch. X

Such a sad story, as parents we all make mistakes and have missteps, have you ever written to him Kate?

[Ammi]

Ahh you're so lovely.

Yes what happened was that after my mum died I had a breakdown and was admitted to the mental health ward for 6 months. The council put my son into a flat on his own. At just 17 years of age. It's no wonder he felt abandoned. Lost his nan traumatically ( he was with me when we found her body) and then lost his home and his mum. Very sad circumstances. I don't blame my son for cutting ties. I just hope one day he gets in touch. X

…it was all so much for him to process as well, as you say..he was with you and that’s a traumatic time that he still might not have processed or processed his grief over losing his grandmother…he may have blocked so much emotionally and that might have manifested in not being able to see you …I would say that he may have his own ‘battles’ and things to face as a first step …but that’s something/a place that he’ll have to get to himself…

[Holly Christmas]

Such a sad story, as parents we all make mistakes and have missteps, have you ever written to him Kate?

…it was all so much for him to process as well, as you say..he was with you and that’s a traumatic time that he still might not have processed or processed his grief over losing his grandmother…he may have blocked so much emotionally and that might have manifested in not being able to see you …I would say that he may have his own ‘battles’ and things to face as a first step …but that’s something/a place that he’ll have to get to himself…

Cherie ... I don't have any contact details to be able to write to him. The only tiny bit of access I have is that he now no longer blocks me on Facebook which is a recent thing so I was able to congratulate him not long ago on the wedding and give him my phone number. I didn't get a reply but I'm feeling a lot more positive again today. One day we may be reunited. X

Ammi .. yes you are correct and also on top of all that I was often very depressed whilst bringing him up despite medication. I can trace it all back to the abusive relationship with his dad and then the pressures of being a single parent, and having to do things such as breaking the news to Josh that his dad was in prison for life. So when you factor all that into the equation, when he lost me, he'd lost everyone! I was on the mental health ward for 6 months. All this probably is why he ghosted me. And when I moved in with Karl, I think that was a big deal for him as well, I moved to a different town. I think he felt second best and I didn't get a chance to reassure him.

[Ammi]

Cherie ... I don't have any contact details to be able to write to him. The only tiny bit of access I have is that he now no longer blocks me on Facebook which is a recent thing so I was able to congratulate him not long ago on the wedding and give him my phone number. I didn't get a reply but I'm feeling a lot more positive again today. One day we may be reunited. X

Ammi .. yes you are correct and also on top of all that I was often very depressed whilst bringing him up despite medication. I can trace it all back to the abusive relationship with his dad and then the pressures of being a single parent, and having to do things such as breaking the news to Josh that his dad was in prison for life. So when you factor all that into the equation, when he lost me, he'd lost everyone! I was on the mental health ward for 6 months. All this probably is why he ghosted me. And when I moved in with Karl, I think that was a big deal for him as well, I moved to a different town. I think he felt second best and I didn't get a chance to reassure him.


…’blocking’ and distancing himself is how he’s coped, it sounds like…and obviously you coped in how you were able to …but all in all, a huge trauma for both of you and one that neither of you had/have really processed to be able to come come together in your grief…as difficult as it is for you, and I know that it can feel overwhelming at times…the best ‘step’ you can take to try to find any future path back to Josh is to process it all yourself and as James said, some ‘self healing’….and obviously it’ll still be an uncertain path because there is so much that you both have to bring to the surface and he would have to be ready for that as well as you would….

[Holly Christmas]

…’blocking’ and distancing himself is how he’s coped, it sounds like…and obviously you coped in how you were able to …but all in all, a huge trauma for both of you and one that neither of you had/have really processed to be able to come come together in your grief…as difficult as it is for you, and I know that it can feel overwhelming at times…the best ‘step’ you can take to try to find any future path back to Josh is to process it all yourself and as James said, some ‘self healing’….and obviously it’ll still be an uncertain path because there is so much that you both have to bring to the surface and he would have to be ready for that as well as you would….


Wonderful words :love:

[Nicky91]

:hug:

[The Grinch]

:hug:

We know you don’t mean that.

Kate does your man know you’ve been down? He might also be a good ear to talk to. Hope you are ok

[Nicky91]

of course i do mean that

[Holly Christmas]

We know you don’t mean that.

Kate does your man know you’ve been down? He might also be a good ear to talk to. Hope you are ok

Yep Baz. Thank you. He does know. He is very supportive. I am so grateful to have him. X

[The Grinch]

of course i do mean that

You were dissing her yesterday, so yeah doubt it

[ThomasC]

Cherie ... I don't have any contact details to be able to write to him. The only tiny bit of access I have is that he now no longer blocks me on Facebook which is a recent thing so I was able to congratulate him not long ago on the wedding and give him my phone number. I didn't get a reply but I'm feeling a lot more positive again today. One day we may be reunited. X

Ammi .. yes you are correct and also on top of all that I was often very depressed whilst bringing him up despite medication. I can trace it all back to the abusive relationship with his dad and then the pressures of being a single parent, and having to do things such as breaking the news to Josh that his dad was in prison for life. So when you factor all that into the equation, when he lost me, he'd lost everyone! I was on the mental health ward for 6 months. All this probably is why he ghosted me. And when I moved in with Karl, I think that was a big deal for him as well, I moved to a different town. I think he felt second best and I didn't get a chance to reassure him.

How much old was Josh when you moved in with Karl?

[Holly Christmas]

How much old was Josh when you moved in with Karl?

18.

[ThomasC]

18.

And was part of this dealing with your trauma?

To escape? To cope with the loss of your Mum? Your Nan?

It's good that you can identify why he would feel abandoned.

You chose your new partner over him when he needed you most and at such a young age. ....BUT that's how you dealt with your trauma....and we all make mistakes.

I'm glad that he has no longer blocked you off Facebook. This is probably his way of slowly allowing you back it into his life, but he's just not quite ready to engage. He has a lot of barriers up, but he's made the first step.

Onwards and upwards Kate x

[Holly Christmas]

And was part of this dealing with your trauma?

To escape? To cope with the loss of your Mum? Your Nan?

It's good that you can identify why he would feel abandoned.

You chose your new partner over him when he needed you most and at such a young age. ....BUT that's how you dealt with your trauma....and we all make mistakes.

I'm glad that he has no longer blocked you off Facebook. This is probably his way of slowly allowing you back it into his life, but he's just not quite ready to engage. He has a lot of barriers up, but he's made the first step.

Onwards and upwards Kate x

Thanks Thomas. The bolded bit.....yes maybe in retrospect but I did consult him before I committed to the move and he said if I was happy and secure then it was fine by him otherwise I'd have reconsidered I think. I do see your point. Xx

[ThomasC]

Thanks Thomas. The bolded bit.....yes maybe in retrospect but I did consult him before I committed to the move and he said if I was happy and secure then it was fine by him otherwise I'd have reconsidered I think. I do see your point. Xx

Maybe he wasn't being entirely honest with you at that time considering all that had gone on up until that point. X

[UserSince2005]

-Kobdb37Cwc

[Holly Christmas]

Maybe he wasn't being entirely honest with you at that time considering all that had gone on up until that point. X

Yes very possible. It's something I could ask should we ever reconnect. X

[Santa's NaughtiNess]

Thanks for the support people. I feel tons better. I know he's safe and happy. That's the main thing.

I'm back to feeling more positive. I have a lot of love and support around me. I'm very lucky.

Im so sorry that happened to you. But its never too kate to reconnect. He probably needs time, but it will happen.

[ThomasC]

Yes very possible. It's something I could ask should we ever reconnect. X

I think it's the answer that makes most sense

He had no father figure.

He witnessed domestic abuse.

His grandmother died and he, along with you, discovered her.

You had a mental breakdown.

You spent 6 months in a psychiatric hospital.

You then get a partner and move away.


I'm not saying this to make you feel bad Kate, but just looking at it from how he may see it. I think honesty is the best policy in this situation

Onwards and upwards like I say. The Facebook avenue is great and glad he's kept you on there.

[Holly Christmas]

I think it's the answer that makes most sense

He had no father figure.

He witnessed domestic abuse.

His grandmother died and he, along with you, discovered her.

You had a mental breakdown.

You spent 6 months in a psychiatric hospital.

You then get a partner and move away.


I'm not saying this to make you feel bad Kate, but just looking at it from how he may see it. I think honesty is the best policy in this situation

Onwards and upwards like I say. The Facebook avenue is great and glad he's kept you on there.


Just one thing...and I do feel your coming from a fair place and your heart is in the right place too...my son never witnessed the abuse, I left his dad shortly after he was born, and any incidents were when he was being babysat by grandparents. He does know about it though. I explained it all to him when he was older, quite a lot older. And also why his dad was in jail (murder). So that's obviously been very traumatic. So you are correct in that way. I wanted him to have counselling but he never pursued it. Unfortunately for me. Maybe he will one day.

[ThomasC]

Just one thing...and I do feel your coming from a fair place and your heart is in the right place too...my son never witnessed the abuse, I left his dad shortly after he was born, and any incidents were when he was being babysat by grandparents. He does know about it though. I explained it all to him when he was older, quite a lot older. And also why his dad was in jail (murder). So that's obviously been very traumatic. So you are correct in that way. I wanted him to have counselling but he never pursued it. Unfortunately for me. Maybe he will one day.

Sounds like you had a very lucky escape.

My point being, it's completely understandable why your son feels the way he does and why he hasn't wanted to see you. Which you know yourself.

Regardless, it sounds like things are moving in the right direction.

He needs to, in his own time, give you the chance to show him that you love him and want to be there for him.

[Holly Christmas]

Sounds like you had a very lucky escape.

My point being, it's completely understandable why your son feels the way he does and why he hasn't wanted to see you. Which you know yourself.

Regardless, it sounds like things are moving in the right direction.

He needs to, in his own time, give you the chance to show him that you love him and want to be there for him.

Yes Thomas. I do know why he feels that way. I'm so sorry he does. And yes it's perfectly understandable. I think the help group I've joined online will benefit me.

[ThomasC]

Yes Thomas. I do know why he feels that way. I'm so sorry he does. And yes it's perfectly understandable. I think the help group I've joined online will benefit me.

We have no control over what has already happened.

We can only control the present.

Yes it's good to talk about it.

You can't do much more than you're already doing. The ball is in his court.

It needs time

[Holly Christmas]

We have no control over what has already happened.

We can only control the present.

Yes it's good to talk about it.

You can't do much more than you're already doing. The ball is in his court.

It needs time

:love: I'll wait for forever and a day.

[Cherry Christmas]

If he has opened up FB to you that is a great start Kate, it might be that you may need to make the first move, could you get in touch and say you would like to get them a gift for their wedding, you are good with words so you could say you dont want to impose and your realise he doesn't want you in his life at the moment but you and Karl would like to give them something to celebrate their wedding?

[Holly Christmas]

If he has opened up FB to you that is a great start Kate, it might be that you may need to make the first move, could you get in touch and say you would like to get them a gift for their wedding, you are good with words so you could say you dont want to impose and your realise he doesn't want you in his life at the moment but you and Karl would like to give them something to celebrate their wedding?

Yes I'll actually send a message to that effect. Great idea. Yes I am good at wording things. Cheers.

Edit: done it.

[Santa's NaughtiNess]

Baby steps. Yes you could definitely send a message. I don't see why not. :love:

[Nicky91]

Yes I'll actually send a message to that effect. Great idea. Yes I am good at wording things. Cheers.

Edit: done it.

definitely cannot relate there lol


i am bad at wording things (but you guys might've noticed already :joker:)

[Holly Christmas]

Baby steps. Yes you could definitely send a message. I don't see why not. :love:

I've done it. If I don't get a response it's alright.

[Cherry Christmas]

Praying for you Kate, it might take a while for a response, I know how impatient you are, or you might not get one just yet, but you have offered the olive branch, so ball is back in his court now x