Friend Problem. Help appreciated.

[Sam]

I never usually ask for help on this forum but I feel really stuck about something thats happening in my life right now. I'll start from the Start.

Craig and Tom are best friends. They have been friends for ages, since their first day at primary school. Craig is the type of person who everyone likes where as Tom is the person who everyone hates. They share similar interests though.
As Tom is unpopular, he has been treated badly by most people but don't feel sorry for him, he's unpopular for a reason. He's the type of guy who is a creep, slimy, and untrustworthy, a bit like Randal from Reccess.

When moving to comprehensive school, they were put in separate classes, so my other friend Will befriended Craig. Will is intelligent, but a bit too nice.

Anyway, Will moved into my class, with Craig and Tom in two further classes. I befriended Will who later became my best friend but Will stayed in good contact with Craig.

So Craig, Will and myself were all friends until Tom moved to our class. Everyone hated this move. Tom followed myself and Will around, and befriended Craig again.

So there we were all friends, but as Tom and me were both big characters we often clashed.

Now onto the problem.. I argued with Craig. And as Craig's shadow, his best friend and his general clone, Tom hates me too. So much so, he blurted out that I was bisexual in his catering class.

For me thats unforgiveable, maybe a bit childish, but I have friends in that class and the fact he confided in one of my biggest secrets wasn't very nice.

So, now I've been thrown out of the friendship group, with Will on the fence. I have other friends, but they have their own friends to hang aroung with in the morning.

I'm really stuck. Any advice?

[Matt08]

That is really horrible of Tom. He should feel really guilty about what he's blurted out about you. I expect you told him about your sexuality in confidence and now he's betrayed you. Shame on him :mad:

[Sam]

Originally posted by Matthew
That is really horrible of Tom. He should feel really guilty about what he's blurted out about you. I expect you told him about your sexuality in confidence and now he's betrayed you. Shame on him :mad:


Yeah , i don't want to tell a teacher how I feel, because it might be classed as "tell-taling" and I've got a good school repuation. Also, snitching would be something he would do, so i really don't want to stoop to his level.

[Captain.Remy]

Shame on him, he's akward.
Sam, dear friend, try to explain with him what happened and what's going on in that band for good. They shouldn't do that to you, it's unfair.

[Matt08]

Originally posted by Sam
Originally posted by Matthew
That is really horrible of Tom. He should feel really guilty about what he's blurted out about you. I expect you told him about your sexuality in confidence and now he's betrayed you. Shame on him :mad:


Yeah , i don't want to tell a teacher how I feel, because it might be classed as "tell-taling" and I've got a good school repuation. Also, snitching would be something he would do, so i really don't want to stoop to his level.

When i've had a problem at school before i've usually gone to my head of year quietly and discreately so that nobody knows. If you went and told your head of year she/he could deal with Tom. If Tom then asks you if you reported him you could say no and say it could have been anyone that was in the catering class at the time.

[~Kizwiz~]

To blurt out something like that is unforgiveable, it show lack of respect and downright rudeness to be honest. It should be up to you who you tell and when.

Tom, is it, should be ashamed of himself. And please dont say you are childish for thinking this because its not childish at all to feel this way about the way he has treated you.

All I can really say is, a true friend would respect your sexuality and except that. It shouldnt make you any less of a friend. Be proud of who you are and dont let anyone make you feel bad. If they were true friends they would understand and not ostracize for your sexuality :hug:

[dupin]

If they've taken his side on the matter when clearly he was in the wrong, then they're clearly not good enough for you to try and get back on their good sides. I'd leave them and make closer friends with more decent people.

[Nicola]

That is clearly a nasty thing for him to have done to you Sam, I wouldn't put up with it and they're not real friends if they have no respect for your sexuality. A true friend should be willing to accept you for who you are and not do such a thing to you. I'd break away from that group and find more trustworthy friends.

[Retroman]

Are we talking school kids here?
It seems that many people of a certain age aren't trustworthy or realise the consequences of gossiping. They'll have their assumptions and thoughts about bisexuals firmly built into their brains, and most of them won't start to accept and understand different people until they're older.

So in my honest opinion, very personal details such as your sexuality have no place in being kept secret amongst school students. As most aren't capable of keeping their mouths shut, and only have an understanding of talking about people, not keeping things to themselves. It's just my advice, but I wouldn't trust any "friends" with anything until at least after school, when everyone's forced to do a little growing up.

As for the friends, it seems even the good friend is more than willing to talk about you behind your back? Also, I can only imagine how it was discussed.
Eg. "Oh yea guess what, he's bisexual!" "No! really? haha" *they proceed to discuss your sexuality and have a laugh about it*

I really don't see your friend just randomly announcing it and the other boy just saying "oh, really? cool." as that's just not how school students work. He'd have only brought it up to "gossip" about you in a negative manner.

So I personally would forget they ever existed, and try to make closer friends elsewhere. Once school is over, a lot of people usually end up with a completely new group of friends via work/college etc anyway. The chances are these people would have never stayed in your life in the first place, whether they were half decent friends or not, so perhaps it's no great loss.

[CassetteFinger]

Dont speak to him again :dazzler:

[Matt08]

Originally posted by Retroman
Are we talking school kids here?
It seems that many people of a certain age aren't trustworthy or realise the consequences of gossiping. They'll have their assumptions and thoughts about bisexuals firmly built into their brains, and most of them won't start to accept and understand different people until they're older.

So in my honest opinion, very personal details such as your sexuality have no place in being kept secret amongst school students. As most aren't capable of keeping their mouths shut, and only have an understanding of talking about people, not keeping things to themselves. It's just my advice, but I wouldn't trust any "friends" with anything until at least after school, when everyone's forced to do a little growing up.

As for the friends, it seems even the good friend is more than willing to talk about you behind your back? Also, I can only imagine how it was discussed.
Eg. "Oh yea guess what, he's bisexual!" "No! really? haha" *they proceed to discuss your sexuality and have a laugh about it*

I really don't see your friend just randomly announcing it and the other boy just saying "oh, really? cool." as that's just not how school students work. He'd have only brought it up to "gossip" about you in a negative manner.

So I personally would forget they ever existed, and try to make closer friends elsewhere. Once school is over, a lot of people usually end up with a completely new group of friends via work/college etc anyway. The chances are these people would have never stayed in your life in the first place, whether they were half decent friends or not, so perhaps it's no great loss.

Not all teenagers are like that, some are alot more mature for their age than others aand if given this personal information they wouldn't spread it to anyone even if there was a fall out. It's just a huge shame that Sam's friend doesn't have the mental age of a teenger.

[supernoodles!]

you know what they really dont sound worthy of your friendship,tom for telling the class something you told him in confidence and the others for apparantly 'kicking you out of the gang' and siding with tom.
I think you should speak to them all and explain how him telling everyone that made you feel and see what they say before making any more moves