Help needed... Little Situation...

[Tanser_Man]

Hi All!

I've been having some problems lately and i remembered from my days here that there are alot of people willing to give advise and are very caring so i thought i'd come back and ask for a bit of guidance.

The situation is that i'm being bullied at work and i've been physically abused as well as being called a racist everytime i react and try to defend myself. I've got to the point now that i'm scared for not only my safety but for his because as well as being a very tolerent person, i know how to defend myself having had many classes in both judo and streetfighting at an earlier age, so i'm scared in a sense that i could get to a point where he angers me so much that i will react again.

I think the thing that has let me down most is the fact when i raise the issues with the people around me at work they fob it off and make nothing of it with fake promises. I can't hit back as i could get the sack, i can't bad mouth because i don't want to drop to his level but now more people are being drawn in and are even taking his lead and my stress levels are just going up and up!

There have been at least 3 situations where i have been left shaken and countless times i have been left angered and have been in tears once i got home and almost everyday i have been called names and been stared at or been looked at like i've just slapped someones mother.

An incident happened on Friday a week ago where my buttons were pushed so much that i was adament i was going to kill him (not actually but physically throttle him) and had to be held back by staff after work, which was, in the end, apparently started and finished by me but a family member who works at the establishment, seen everything and is quite high up but can't do nothing about it as it's out of her hands.

I've been told to write a letter to get stuff rolling but have no idea what to write without it coming across as childish, because 80% of what is happening is childish and seems like it should be in a classroom.

What can i put to get my troubles heard?

I would go in person but im a very emotional person and i wouldn't be able to hold the tears back and i hate showing my emotion to people i don't know.

Help!!!

Would be much appreciated!

Thanks!

[Billy]

Awww.

Maybe if you went in person and you did cry then it would show how much it has effected you.

[Stu]

Im the same with the whole crying thing. Its extremely annoying when im trying to prove a point to someone and tears just start rolling down my cheeks even though im not sad , so I know how you feel on that one.

If I were in your position , unable to kick the **** out of him for fear of losing my job , I would just indirectly do something malicious back towards him.

[:)tom:)]

tell your manager, dont worry about crying just make sure somebody that can help u knoes about whats happening

[xDramatick]

That's so sad to hear =[

This is gonna sound really schoolboyish but hey, I am one.
When life got really crap at school, the school councellour told me to keep a diary and write EVERYTHING that happens that would be important.
Then.. idk. present it to them?

Showing your emotions might help?

[Matt08]

Hi Tanser. Sorry to hear about the bullying and problems at work. I think that you should make the manager aware of the situation and ask he/she if they can get it sorted out.
If he/she is un-willing to get things sorted then you could maybe involve the police and see if they could do something about this bully. Hope this helps.
Hope you're feeling ok =]

[Tom]

Do what Darenn said, keep it and show your boss. Write in anything you can remember with dates etc and just stick it out for another month or so. From personal experience, DONT attack the person no matter how much they wind you up- consequences might not be so good.

[Tanser_Man]

Thanks for the comments people.

Just finished writing a letter that is three pages long explaining every last detail as at what i've had to endure and i've notified the family member of what i'm doing in the morning.

I've thought about giving him a whack, i really have, i've even made contact with a few loose cannons that i have as mates that have said they'd quite gladly beat him to a pulp but i've steered clear of this for now as i don't want to drop to his level but i've always had it close to my chest so, i know what your saying about giving him what he wants but i won't be doing that.

At no point do i want to show my emotion, emotion for me means defeat and i don't want him to feel that he has won in any shape or form. Emotion is a big thing for me, i hate crying in front of my girlfriend nevermind someone i don't know, so i really can''t go in there and explain my troubles.

I can't do anything malicious back, haven't got a bad bone in me so i couldn't if i tried plus i'd be stooping to his level so, i can't be doing that! :)

Thanks for the advise though, helped alot.

Will keep you all posted as to what happens tomorrow.

[Sunny_01]

Tanser honey sorry to hear that you are going through this. Bullying in the worklplace is just awful and you do right not to tolerate it any longer.

From this moment on you need to keep a written account of everything that is said and done to you. Including who said it, who was there, most importantly how it made you feel. Report every single instance after you have sent your letter and make sure you get a response from the person you make the report to.

You can also contact these for some really good advice and support about bullying in the workplace

http://www.bullyingbusiness.co.uk/html/employees.html

Hope this matter is resolved soon, there is nothing worse than coming home from work upset and frustrated when you feel things are out of control.

[~Kizwiz~]

Originally posted by Sunny_01

From this moment on you need to keep a written account of everything that is said and done to you. Including who said it, who was there, most importantly how it made you feel. Report every single instance after you have sent your letter and make sure you get a response from the person you make the report to.



Thats exactly what I was going to say. Keep a record of everything because that was you have an even stronger case.

Does the firm that your working for have a HR department?

Is you boss involved in the bullying?

The most important part you must understand is that bullies always do what they do because they feel threatened and basically feel inferrer to the bullied.

You are the stronger person and by not retaliating you remain the stronger one.

I know its hard honey and I know how it feels to be bullied in the work place. But we're always here for advice :flowers:

[Sticks]

In the real world, if the person who is doing the bullying is more valuable to the organisation than their victim then the victim will be burned.

The classic case is the high flying executive who sexually harasses an a young women from the typing pool. They just sack the person from the typing pool and let her know they have really deep pockets to fight any tribunal they might dare bring.

If the bully is more important than you, look for another job

Sorry but that is the way of the world

:sad:

[Shaun]

I agree a lot with what most people have said about a diary idea, and I'm sorry to hear about this. As for most of a letter you may right sounding childish, I don't think bullying would come across as something childish to complain about.

[Mrluvaluva]

Yeah. Just make sure you keep a diary of incidents. Witnesses would be good too who are willing to speak up, if there are any. I have met bullies in the work place before and I have just shouted them down. Not the best way really, but everyone has different ways of dealing with things.

[Tanser_Man]

Originally posted by Sunny_01
Tanser honey sorry to hear that you are going through this. Bullying in the worklplace is just awful and you do right not to tolerate it any longer.

From this moment on you need to keep a written account of everything that is said and done to you. Including who said it, who was there, most importantly how it made you feel. Report every single instance after you have sent your letter and make sure you get a response from the person you make the report to.

You can also contact these for some really good advice and support about bullying in the workplace

http://www.bullyingbusiness.co.uk/html/employees.html

Hope this matter is resolved soon, there is nothing worse than coming home from work upset and frustrated when you feel things are out of control.

Thanks for the info as always Sunny! (Long time no see might i add!)

Today I handed in the letter, very professional, to the point... the works. Handed it in this morning, and i have had nothing happen! I have noticed the letter in the managers hand while speaking to the main manager (above every other manager.. the owner i should say!) and he stood at the foot of our section for a good hour and a half delegating what to do. But still nothing.

I have today started writing a written account and unusually today only 3 things happened which is nothing at all compared to what i normally get but i still dont feel at ease or happy or comfortable but im hoping something happens in the morning, it has to or i'm going to have to look higher then the people i have contacted.

Originally posted by ~kizwiz~
Originally posted by Sunny_01

From this moment on you need to keep a written account of everything that is said and done to you. Including who said it, who was there, most importantly how it made you feel. Report every single instance after you have sent your letter and make sure you get a response from the person you make the report to.



Thats exactly what I was going to say. Keep a record of everything because that was you have an even stronger case.

Does the firm that your working for have a HR department?

Is you boss involved in the bullying?

The most important part you must understand is that bullies always do what they do because they feel threatened and basically feel inferrer to the bullied.

You are the stronger person and by not retaliating you remain the stronger one.

I know its hard honey and I know how it feels to be bullied in the work place. But we're always here for advice :flowers:

Hey Kiz! (long time no see aswell, how's the little 'un!?)

The firm has a HR department and they were notified today as far as i'm aware as the man from HR was in the office when i handed the letter in. There very hush hush about this department to us because we aren't full time employees of the company, just temporary employees of the company!

I understand that he's jealous of something. When i first started he was really nice to me and asked me alot of questions and of course being gullable as i am, i didn't think anything of it and of course it was used to throw back at me. One of the things is that im studying while working, and i'm one exam off being able to join the profession i want and ever since he's called me thick, stupid and garbage.... I said i was being given a car when i pass my test.... i'm a freeloader who can't buy his own stuff.... etc.... so i understand he's jealous that i'm going places whiles he's stuck in a rut, but it shouldn't be an excuse or an incentive for him to do what he's doing.

Everyone i've asked for advise have said ignore him, but unless you've actually been in the situation, you can't ignore it or pretend nothing is happening!

Anyway i'll stop waffling on! about him, doesn't deserve the acknowledgement.


Originally posted by Sticks
In the real world, if the person who is doing the bullying is more valuable to the organisation than their victim then the victim will be burned.

The classic case is the high flying executive who sexually harasses an a young women from the typing pool. They just sack the person from the typing pool and let her know they have really deep pockets to fight any tribunal they might dare bring.

If the bully is more important than you, look for another job

Sorry but that is the way of the world

:sad:

I know what your saying and it could be the case but i feel i have to do something in order to stop him doing it to someone else. Importanance or not, at the end of the day it's bringing the companys name down into the mud, something has to be done. :)

[Sunny_01]

Hi Tanser honey great to see you pop back to see us it is always lovely to know you are still about.

Give HR time to act. They have to be seen to carry out a thorough investigation in a non-biased manner before making any decisions. They should however have offered you some kind of support in the interim. A temp employee has the same rights as a permanant member of staff with regards to this kind of thing. If they do not act then they are denying you the equality of opportunity to be treated in a non-discriminatory manner. They will want to sort this type of thing quickly if they are a good employer.

This dude seems to be jealous if you ask me. He has targetted you for things he obviously wants that you are going to get or achieve.

I dont buy into things still being the way you feel they might be Sticks. Employers have a bigger responsibility to their staff and are generally very cautious about how they handle situations like this.

[Tanser_Man]

It's good to be back and be able to write on these forums, having my own forums, work, a girlfriend and a course doesn't give me much time these days!

I got a responce yesterday, a letter handed to me from the manager with his kind words signalling things would be sorted and he was very cheesed off that this had happened.

Today i was called into the office where there was the manager and the temping agencies manager for our company, my employer, and again they voice there sorrow and announced they we're now starting the investigation, asked me a few questions like what i wanted done, how do i feel, would there be any solution now that would make my time here better etc... he also asked for witnesses which i gave about 5/6 names who in my opinion we're totally unbiased as i thought it would be fairer then me pulling in my cousin or a mate....

So yeah, today everyone was called in 1 by 1, even the kid who 'was' bullying me and gave him a right dressing down... might even be getting sacked as nearly everyone who was called into the offices said they saw it and that they thought it was bullying.... even a few of them have been subjected to some of the treatment that i got so that might have helped.

When all the investigation had finished for the day he wouldn't even look at me, the coward, his tail was between his legs.

Anyway, i think it's sorted now and at the end of the day about 4 people came upto me and thanked me for reporting him as he'd done it to them but were too scared to report him and said i'd done a good thing and not to worry about him.

Thanks for the advice people, helped alot! :)

[Billy]

Hope everything gets back to normal soon.

[Mrluvaluva]

I'm glad you got it sorted.

[officialleafan]

Originally posted by Tanser_Man
Hi All!

I've been having some problems lately and i remembered from my days here that there are alot of people willing to give advise and are very caring so i thought i'd come back and ask for a bit of guidance.

The situation is that i'm being bullied at work and i've been physically abused as well as being called a racist everytime i react and try to defend myself. I've got to the point now that i'm scared for not only my safety but for his because as well as being a very tolerent person, i know how to defend myself having had many classes in both judo and streetfighting at an earlier age, so i'm scared in a sense that i could get to a point where he angers me so much that i will react again.

I think the thing that has let me down most is the fact when i raise the issues with the people around me at work they fob it off and make nothing of it with fake promises. I can't hit back as i could get the sack, i can't bad mouth because i don't want to drop to his level but now more people are being drawn in and are even taking his lead and my stress levels are just going up and up!

There have been at least 3 situations where i have been left shaken and countless times i have been left angered and have been in tears once i got home and almost everyday i have been called names and been stared at or been looked at like i've just slapped someones mother.

An incident happened on Friday a week ago where my buttons were pushed so much that i was adament i was going to kill him (not actually but physically throttle him) and had to be held back by staff after work, which was, in the end, apparently started and finished by me but a family member who works at the establishment, seen everything and is quite high up but can't do nothing about it as it's out of her hands.

I've been told to write a letter to get stuff rolling but have no idea what to write without it coming across as childish, because 80% of what is happening is childish and seems like it should be in a classroom.

What can i put to get my troubles heard?

I would go in person but Im a very emotional person and i wouldn't be able to hold the tears back and i hate showing my emotion to people i don't know.

Help!!!

Would be much appreciated!

Thanks!

Agree with most of the posts. Your better chatting to your boss. Emotion doesn't make you look 'weak' or 'soft', it makes you a human being. Tell your boss everything you've told us. Trust me, he/she will be on your side, as it'll be bad for the workplace if workers get bullied.

However, violence is not the answer. Just remember that the person that either "lashes out" or "shouts the loudest" always looks worst off.

I hope this info works for you, as it must be horrible being in a situation where your afraid to be yourself at work.

[Shaun]

That's great to hear it's all sorted out now :)

[Sunny_01]

Tanser I was so glad to read that your employer has taken this complaint seriously. People dont just have to sit back and take this in the workplace these days. It is people like you who are brave enough to stand up and be counted that make things better for all of us.

I hope that things are much better for you now, you deserve it.

keep popping in here to let us know how you are diddling xxx

[~Kizwiz~]

Thats great tans.... it must be such a relief to have it sorted.

(little one if fine btw, Red and I moving down to the Midlands again in a few weeks so it all good)

[Tanser_Man]

Thanks for the info guys.

Sorry it's taking me so long to reply as my studies and the situation at work took up a hell of a lot of time!

Right, a couple of weeks after i reported everything, he was subsiquently sacked for harrasment and aggressive behaviour towards another employee! Of course i was extreamley happy about this, although i still felt bad for him because that's the kind of person i am! I get the odd banterish remarks from people pulling out of a bit of banter saying i better stop or he'll snitch but it's all good. Alot of people came upto me after he was sacked and offered support and generally thanked me because he was getting on everyone's wick...

Once again this place has come up trumps, a few things above helped to get it all sorted and i'm now back extreamly happy.. :)

Moving in with my girlfriend within the next few weeks (even thinking of proposing which is a big big thing for me!), got my driving test and a car waiting for me, one more exam to pass before i go on placement in an £20,000 job and i've got a sucessful website which is due to get upgraded and become even bigger!

Things are looking very much brighter! :) Thanks!

[Nicola]

Glad things are working out for you Tanser_Man, sorry to hear you've had to endure such pressure at work, as long as it's all been sorted that's the main thing. Good luck on the girlfriend front as well, I can speak from experience when I say it's the best thing in the world when relationships work out - I've been in a relationship for 7 years, living together with one child, so I'm happy for you in that respect. And all the best with the new job as well!

Nicola
xx

[Mickster]

Success, glad it is sorted out Tanser

[Conzors]

Awww.

I feel well bad for you :(.

So Glad Everything Is Okay Though :).

Hope It Gets Better

Conzors
xxx

[Kate..]

Sorry to hear about all this Tanser. But i'm glad it's getting sorted out. My mum gets bullied at work quite a lot and so do most of her friends. But they all turned around one day and confronted their boss so that's getting sorted out too.

I hate bullies :mad:

[Sunny_01]

Hey Tanser

Glad to see things worked out for you at work, see the underdog does win!!

Sounds like everything is going really well for you, I am really chuffed for you mate :spin::spin::spin:

[serensilver]

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

[Lauren]

Wheyy Tanser - congrats it's all sorted out. But a further congrats on the moving in and possible proposing front, good luck with it all - and pop in here more often :laugh:

[Magic]

Where is the tanser man?
Anyone ever speak to him?

[Z]

Originally posted by Magic
Where is the tanser man?
Anyone ever speak to him?

Not so much any more, but he's on MSN sometimes.

[Magic]

Remind him of us!

[Z]

Haha, I'll do that next time he's on.

[~Kizwiz~]

Awww I really miss Tans, him and Kore were the first people who chatted to me on TiBB when I joined

[Di2001]

He's not been on since 14 August :conf2:

(I miss Hooly One - wish he'd just say Hi some time)

[Bells]

There's quite a lot of people who have just disappeared, and don't even return when BB's on (probably aren't BB fans anymore?) :sad:

Quite sad really. I know they must be busy but it'd be nice if they popped in from time to time.

[Ruth]

Tanser - if I were you I would write down exactly what you want to say and go and give it to the appropriate person, but wait while they read it. Explain to them that you are worried your emotions will overcome you if you try and explain it verbally. Hopefully, that will open the floor for you to have a rational conversation with them. And don't be afraid of showing a bit of emotion (just try not to lose your temper)!

Put everything in writing - how upset it is making you feel, how you are scared, and as many of the specific incidents as possible.

Good luck - take care of yourself:hug:

EDIT: Dammit - jumped straight to reply, after reading Tanser's post. Didn't realise it had all been sorted out.

Come back Tans - we miss you!!