Friend Advice Needed..

[Christina]

Hi,
Ok, before i start i want you all to know this is not some silly little thread to gain attention i do honestly need advice. Lol. Ok, my friend who i have known since i was 4 is in a really bad way and im soo worried about her. Her younger brother suffers from Autism [sp] and has recently been suspended from school meaning he is now at home all the time. Latley he has become ALOT worse and is now beating up my friend and her mum. He is also swearing and picking fights and basically acting crazy. Apparantly the other day a family friend was at there home and the brother started shouting a whole heap of homophobic abuse at the man. This has caused my friend to become so stressed and she is now worrying about things she does not need to worry about. Things such as old friends, eating habits, family deaths and even religion. She reckons her brother triggered it off but she also says at certain times of the day she shall just feel so anxious and starts panicking.

She hasent eaten for 4 days now as she says 'I dont feel very hungry, ive never gone without a day of eating'. She has lost quite alot of weight since the last time i saw her which was like 3 weeks ago. Today she called me up and was begging me to get her away so i asked my mum if it would be okay if she stayed at my house for a few days which mum agreed to. So we went to the cinema and i noticed she was so much less talkative [which is unusal because shes usually so hyperactive and talkative]. Now ive tried and tried to make her laugh, to engage her in convos but it always ends up in an akward silence which i feel is making it worse. Anyways we were watching HSM3 and during the middle she started shaking and i asked her if she was okay and she said yes and then all of a sudden she kind of 'broke down' in a way. She started crying and shaking towards the end so i linked her arm and took her outside and she was in a terrible state. She hadnt eaten her sandwhich and she just sort of sobbing. I hugged her and tried my very best to convince her he was just going through a phase and that everything would be alright once she was back at school etc.. But ive honestly NEVER seen her like this and ive known her for about 11 years.

In the end she decided she wouldnt stay at my house and she felt her mum would need her support as she was the eldest. She sat outside in my garden for about an hour with me as she felt sick. Im soo worried about her and im going away on Thursday so if anything does happen i cant be here to kinda get her away. Shes had 2 vists from the police in the last 4 days and its not the kind of thing a 15 year old should be going through expecially in the middle of her most important year. I usually cheer my friends up in no time but this time its so much harder as i have no idea what life is like when caring for someone with autism. Any suggestions?

Soz for the long rant and thanks for reading.

[Conzors]

I think your friend just needs a friend.

Let her know that your always there if you need to talk and stuff. and help her along this unfortunate phase shes going through in life.

xx

[JOSHUAH!]

Thats a right old pickle Christina, but theres not much you personally can do except be there to reassure her and be a friend whos there for her. Obviously the boy shouldn't be kicking off like he is, he needs some professional help to calm down. I suppose your friend is just trying to control everything but shes getting very worried about it all and probably just worrying that it wont stop.

But, just be there for her, try and stay in contact with her and ask if she is okay, listen to her more, I'm not really sure. But I'm sure you'll be there for her Christina so just do what you can as her friend :hug:

[*mazedsalv**]

Originally posted by Christina
Hi,
Ok, before i start i want you all to know this is not some silly little thread to gain attention i do honestly need advice. Lol. Ok, my friend who i have known since i was 4 is in a really bad way and Im soo worried about her. Her younger brother suffers from Autism [sp] and has recently been suspended from school meaning he is now at home all the time. Latley he has become ALOT worse and is now beating up my friend and her mum. He is also swearing and picking fights and basically acting crazy. Apparantly the other day a family friend was at there home and the brother started shouting a whole heap of homophobic abuse at the man. This has caused my friend to become so stressed and she is now worrying about things she does not need to worry about. Things such as old friends, eating habits, family deaths and even religion. She reckons her brother triggered it off but she also says at certain times of the day she shall just feel so anxious and start panicking.

She hasent eaten for 4 days now as she says 'I dont feel very hungry, ive never gone without a day of eating'. She has lost quite alot of weight since the last time i saw her which was like 3 weeks ago. Today she called me up and was begging me to get her away so i asked my mum if it would be okay if she stayed at my house for a few days which mum agreed to. So we went to the cinema and i noticed she was so much less talkative [which is unusal because shes usually so hyperactive and talkative]. Now ive tried and tried to make her laugh, to engage her in convos but it always ends up in an akward silence which i feel is making it worse. Anyways we were watching HSM3 and during the middle she started shaking and i asked her if she was okay and she said yes and then all of a sudden she kind of 'broke down' in a way. She started crying and shaking towards the end so i linked her arm and took her outside and she was in a terrible state. She hadnt eaten her sandwhich and she just sort of sobbing. I hugged her and tried my very best to convince her he was just going through a phase and that everything would be alright once she was back at school etc.. But ive honestly NEVER seen her like this and ive known her for about 11 years.

In the end she decided she wouldnt stay at my house and she felt her mum would need her support as she was the eldest. She sat outside in my garden for about an hour with me as she felt sick. Im soo worried about her and Im going away on Thursday so if anything does happen i cant be here to kinda get her away. Shes had 2 vists from the police in the last 4 days and its not the kind of thing a 15 year old should be going through expecially in the middle of her most important year. I usually cheer my friends up in no time but this time its so much harder as i have no idea what life is like when caring for someone with autism. Any suggestions?

Soz for the long rant and thanks for reading.

Aww, that was really sad to read, Im not sure what to say. The only thing that I think will get ehr back to her old self is if her brother gets better. She's stressed and because of the things going on around her, she has not eaten which leads to weight loss. If she continues to not eat, it could get really serious.
My friend has family issues and was feeling down last week, so we took her to Harvester with about 12 of us and we couldnt help but notice she kept going to the toilet after each course. My girl friends thought it was a bit weird so they waled in to the bathroom and saw her making herself sick.
I would advise you to try and encourage her to eat something because she could do what my friend has as that is what happened at the start of my friends situation. Also be there for her as much as you can as she needs a friend.
Its a really hard time for your friend, Im not sure what you could do, she probably wont be her old self again for a while unfortunatly.

[Christina]

Originally posted by Conzors
I think your friend just needs a friend.

Let her know that your always there if you need to talk and stuff. and help her along this unfortunate phase shes going through in life.

xx I know and she knows im here for her because today she rang me but i dont know how to make her feel better? :sad: Its awful seeing her like this expecially when i know what shes really like.

[Lauren]

Wow.

Is her brother on medication for his autism? If he's not, he really needs to be. If he is, he needs it adjusting.

Autism affects the way you view the World. Instead of knowing automatically what is "right" and "wrong"... everything just seems to blend together. You can't empathise (which means you can understand others emotions) - and so this will account for him being nasty and violent.

I'm sure her mother will understand what is going on with her, so can you suggest that they contact the NHS to maybe see about getting a carer for him a few hours a week? This will allow them to have a few hours having a meal together or something, some time alone.

It's a horrible situation for you to be in, because now you're worrying about her. And it's a horrible situation for her to be in, because now she's worrying about him.

The only suggestion is that you stress to her that you're there for her if she wants a break from things. Suggest you go to the cinema a few times a week or something, to give her some time off.

Other than that, the only thing I can suggest is that you ask her to ask her mother to maybe see about adjusting his medication - because such symptoms of autism that cause violence should be quashed by medication. As well as this, maybe she can look into having a carer or a home visit therapist.

:hug:

[Christina]

Originally posted by *mazedsalv**
Originally posted by Christina
Hi,
Ok, before i start i want you all to know this is not some silly little thread to gain attention i do honestly need advice. Lol. Ok, my friend who i have known since i was 4 is in a really bad way and Im soo worried about her. Her younger brother suffers from Autism [sp] and has recently been suspended from school meaning he is now at home all the time. Latley he has become ALOT worse and is now beating up my friend and her mum. He is also swearing and picking fights and basically acting crazy. Apparantly the other day a family friend was at there home and the brother started shouting a whole heap of homophobic abuse at the man. This has caused my friend to become so stressed and she is now worrying about things she does not need to worry about. Things such as old friends, eating habits, family deaths and even religion. She reckons her brother triggered it off but she also says at certain times of the day she shall just feel so anxious and start panicking.

She hasent eaten for 4 days now as she says 'I dont feel very hungry, ive never gone without a day of eating'. She has lost quite alot of weight since the last time i saw her which was like 3 weeks ago. Today she called me up and was begging me to get her away so i asked my mum if it would be okay if she stayed at my house for a few days which mum agreed to. So we went to the cinema and i noticed she was so much less talkative [which is unusal because shes usually so hyperactive and talkative]. Now ive tried and tried to make her laugh, to engage her in convos but it always ends up in an akward silence which i feel is making it worse. Anyways we were watching HSM3 and during the middle she started shaking and i asked her if she was okay and she said yes and then all of a sudden she kind of 'broke down' in a way. She started crying and shaking towards the end so i linked her arm and took her outside and she was in a terrible state. She hadnt eaten her sandwhich and she just sort of sobbing. I hugged her and tried my very best to convince her he was just going through a phase and that everything would be alright once she was back at school etc.. But ive honestly NEVER seen her like this and ive known her for about 11 years.

In the end she decided she wouldnt stay at my house and she felt her mum would need her support as she was the eldest. She sat outside in my garden for about an hour with me as she felt sick. Im soo worried about her and Im going away on Thursday so if anything does happen i cant be here to kinda get her away. Shes had 2 vists from the police in the last 4 days and its not the kind of thing a 15 year old should be going through expecially in the middle of her most important year. I usually cheer my friends up in no time but this time its so much harder as i have no idea what life is like when caring for someone with autism. Any suggestions?

Soz for the long rant and thanks for reading.

Aww, that was really sad to read, Im not sure what to say. The only thing that I think will get ehr back to her old self is if her brother gets better. She's stressed and because of the things going on around her, she has not eaten which leads to weight loss. If she continues to not eat, it could get really serious.
My friend has family issues and was feeling down last week, so we took her to Harvester with about 12 of us and we couldnt help but notice she kept going to the toilet after each course. My girl friends thought it was a bit weird so they waled in to the bathroom and saw her making herself sick.
I would advise you to try and encourage her to eat something because she could do what my friend has as that is what happened at the start of my friends situation. Also be there for her as much as you can as she needs a friend.
Its a really hard time for your friend, Im not sure what you could do, she probably wont be her old self again for a while unfortunatly. Thanks i dont think she'd get to the point of making herself sick, she feels quite strongly about bullimia and annorexia etc.. and ive tried to encourage her to eat in small amounts and i looked for one of those foods that are made into drinks but shes not drinking either. I got her a glass of water but she ended up throwing that away too :sad:

[Christina]

Originally posted by Lauren
Wow.

Is her brother on medication for his autism? If he's not, he really needs to be. If he is, he needs it adjusting.

Autism affects the way you view the World. Instead of knowing automatically what is "right" and "wrong"... everything just seems to blend together. You can't empathise (which means you can understand others emotions) - and so this will account for him being nasty and violent.

I'm sure her mother will understand what is going on with her, so can you suggest that they contact the NHS to maybe see about getting a carer for him a few hours a week? This will allow them to have a few hours having a meal together or something, some time alone.

It's a horrible situation for you to be in, because now you're worrying about her. And it's a horrible situation for her to be in, because now she's worrying about him.

The only suggestion is that you stress to her that you're there for her if she wants a break from things. Suggest you go to the cinema a few times a week or something, to give her some time off.

Other than that, the only thing I can suggest is that you ask her to ask her mother to maybe see about adjusting his medication - because such symptoms of autism that cause violence should be quashed by medication. As well as this, maybe she can look into having a carer or a home visit therapist.

:hug: I was hoping you were online lol. Its one of the reasons i posted on here :spin2:

Erm, im not too sure if hes on medication or not hes had it since he was very young so they must of known he had it. I asked her if she was getting carers in and she just kind of shook her head. Then i asked her maybe if she wanted to see someone as it would help but shes such a shy person. Shes actually very anxious anyway, she worries over small things like if her Oyster card will work on the bus, or if a man looks at her etc.. but today she was so much worse. Thanks for your advice though Lauren i will try and tell her all of this stuff she may find it useful :hug:

[Christina]

Originally posted by JOSHUAH!
Thats a right old pickle Christina, but theres not much you personally can do except be there to reassure her and be a friend whos there for her. Obviously the boy shouldn't be kicking off like he is, he needs some professional help to calm down. I suppose your friend is just trying to control everything but shes getting very worried about it all and probably just worrying that it wont stop.

But, just be there for her, try and stay in contact with her and ask if she is okay, listen to her more, I'm not really sure. But I'm sure you'll be there for her Christina so just do what you can as her friend :hug: Its Laura, Josh :sad:

[Lauren]

Originally posted by Christina
I was hoping you were online lol. Its one of the reasons i posted on here :spin2:

Erm, Im not too sure if hes on medication or not hes had it since he was very young so they must of known he had it. I asked her if she was getting carers in and she just kind of shook her head. Then i asked her maybe if she wanted to see someone as it would help but shes such a shy person. Shes actually very anxious anyway, she worries over small things like if her Oyster card will work on the bus, or if a man looks at her etc.. but today she was so much worse. Thanks for your advice though Lauren i will try and tell her all of this stuff she may find it useful :hug:

There is a chance she suffers from an anxiety disorder herself. With history of a mental illness in her family, then she'll be predisposed to them automatically.

It certainly sounds like she has an anxiety disorder, albeit maybe mild. She just needs your support. It's going to be very hard for you as a friend watching her in pain, or watching her to be so upset - but by the very fact you posted this shows you're concerned enough to be a good friend.

As for her eating; don't try and force her to eat, but it sounds like you've been doing right anyway. Just suggest food, in small quantities... start her off with water or something. All she needs is to know you're there for her.

:hug:

[Christina]

Originally posted by Lauren
Originally posted by Christina
I was hoping you were online lol. Its one of the reasons i posted on here :spin2:

Erm, Im not too sure if hes on medication or not hes had it since he was very young so they must of known he had it. I asked her if she was getting carers in and she just kind of shook her head. Then i asked her maybe if she wanted to see someone as it would help but shes such a shy person. Shes actually very anxious anyway, she worries over small things like if her Oyster card will work on the bus, or if a man looks at her etc.. but today she was so much worse. Thanks for your advice though Lauren i will try and tell her all of this stuff she may find it useful :hug:

There is a chance she suffers from an anxiety disorder herself. With history of a mental illness in her family, then she'll be predisposed to them automatically.

It certainly sounds like she has an anxiety disorder, albeit maybe mild. She just needs your support. It's going to be very hard for you as a friend watching her in pain, or watching her to be so upset - but by the very fact you posted this shows you're concerned enough to be a good friend.

As for her eating; don't try and force her to eat, but it sounds like you've been doing right anyway. Just suggest food, in small quantities... start her off with water or something. All she needs is to know you're there for her.

:hug: Thanks for that Lauren it really does help. Im hoping she gets better before she goes back to school. Shes such a clever girl id hate to see her go down because of all of this. And i think your right about the anxiety thing. Shes actually locked herself in a resturant toilet to avoid meeting one of my friends [she was only popping in to say hi to me] :conf2: and she blushes quite alot aswell.

[TwinklesB12]

I think she just needs her friends around her to help her to cope with everything that's gone on.Sometimes one thing can trigger a whole heap of bad feelings and stress for people it's easily done.She just needs to know that she has your support-a lot of people stop eating through stress.She will get through it just make sure she knows your there for her no matter what hope it all works out ok.x

[pinkmichk]

:hug: you are being a fab friend would she go speak to a doctor for herself cos it sounds like she needs a little extra support that maybe you wont be able to fully give

[NettoSuperstar!]

bless your friend and bless you for being so supportive. I agree looks like she is suffering acute anxiety and panic attacks it would be great if she would agree to go and see a doctor but I can imagine she might be mistrustful of Drs etc at the moment. Nomorepanic.co.uk is a great website/ forum and she'll realise shes not the first, not the last and she can get through this. Christine Inghams- panic attacks book is also good I can recomend it having suffered with panic attacks! With regards to her brother they could get help/respite from social services they only have to ring or ask their G.P. Good on yah and good luck!

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/

[Christina]

Originally posted by NettoSuperstar!
bless your friend and bless you for being so supportive. I agree looks like she is suffering acute anxiety and panic attacks it would be great if she would agree to go and see a doctor but I can imagine she might be mistrustful of Drs etc at the moment. Nomorepanic.co.uk is a great website/ forum and she'll realise shes not the first, not the last and she can get through this. Christine Inghams- panic attacks book is also good I can recomend it having suffered with panic attacks! With regards to her brother they could get help/respite from social services they only have to ring or ask their G.P. Good on yah and good luck!

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/ Thanks for that advice, and my omg that is such a coisedence [sp] she actually gave me that site when i was having a hard time dealing with a family death lol. I will try and tell her all of this thanks again! :hug:

[Christina]

Originally posted by pinkmichk
:hug: you are being a fab friend would she go speak to a doctor for herself cos it sounds like she needs a little extra support that maybe you wont be able to fully give Thankyou :hug: I will try and talk to her as much as i can and meet up with her to get her out of the house more. I just hope it dosent effect her school because shes a very bright girl and its her last year aswell.

[MrGaryy]

If it was me, I would touch on the subject of her eating in a joking way and see how she takes it. If she takes it well then perhaps go further and just calmly tell her you're worried for her.

[Christina]

Originally posted by TwinklesB12
I think she just needs her friends around her to help her to cope with everything that's gone on.Sometimes one thing can trigger a whole heap of bad feelings and stress for people it's easily done.She just needs to know that she has your support-a lot of people stop eating through stress.She will get through it just make sure she knows your there for her no matter what hope it all works out ok.x Thanks, i only wish i went to the same school as her [we used to go to primary school together] so im not sure if she will tel her other friends, but i totally agree with what you said about the bad feelings. Shes usually such a happy girl it was horrible seeing her like this.

[Christina]

Originally posted by Gazbo
If it was me, I would touch on the subject of her eating in a joking way and see how she takes it. If she takes it well then perhaps go further and just calmly tell her you're worried for her. Ooh i did that. I said 'Now dont you be turning into one of these size zero models' and then she laughed a bit and then said 'No seriously make sure you do eat even if its only small amounts' and i said maybe she should get one of those drinks that are like food. Not sure if she has or not because im back at school now as is she [we go to seperate schools].

[NettoSuperstar!]

To be honest I wouldnt worry too much about the eating part of it as I think it is the anxiety/panic that is the source of that problem and she doesnt need to be worrying about it. When she feels better in herself the eating will no doubt return to normal. I really think she needs to deal with the anxiety and way she is feeling. I lost a stone in a month when I was having problems only beacause when you have that level of anxiety you just have no appetite!

[MrGaryy]

Originally posted by Christina
Originally posted by Gazbo
If it was me, I would touch on the subject of her eating in a joking way and see how she takes it. If she takes it well then perhaps go further and just calmly tell her you're worried for her. Ooh i did that. I said 'Now dont you be turning into one of these size zero models' and then she laughed a bit and then said 'No seriously make sure you do eat even if its only small amounts' and i said maybe she should get one of those drinks that are like food. Not sure if she has or not because Im back at school now as is she [we go to seperate schools].

Perhaps you could try doing something like doing the drinks together, you could say you'd like to do it too. But like Netto said the eating isn't a huge problem, but as a former suffer of an eating disorder, I think you should try to stab this thing in the butt before it goes further.

[Christina]

Originally posted by NettoSuperstar!
To be honest I would forget about the eating part of it as I think it is the anxiety/panic that is the source of that problem and she doesnt need to be worrying about it. When she feels better in herself the eating will no doubt return to normal. I really think she needs to deal with the anxiety and way she is feeling. I lost a stone in a month when I was having problems only beacause when you have that level of anxiety you just have no appetite! Yeah that is soo true, when i was going through a bad time i seriously didnt feel hungry. Ahh i hope shes better soon.

[Christina]

Originally posted by Gazbo
Originally posted by Christina
Originally posted by Gazbo
If it was me, I would touch on the subject of her eating in a joking way and see how she takes it. If she takes it well then perhaps go further and just calmly tell her you're worried for her. Ooh i did that. I said 'Now dont you be turning into one of these size zero models' and then she laughed a bit and then said 'No seriously make sure you do eat even if its only small amounts' and i said maybe she should get one of those drinks that are like food. Not sure if she has or not because Im back at school now as is she [we go to seperate schools].

Perhaps you could try doing something like doing the drinks together, you could say you'd like to do it too. But like Netto said the eating isn't a huge problem, but as a former suffer of an eating disorder, I think you should try to stab this thing in the butt before it goes further. Ill try my best, its just hard meeting up with her lots because we only really have weekends. Thanks for all the advice Gaz!

[Kate..]

Oh wow that sounds really difficult from her. I think the main thing they need to do is solve the brother problems. My cousin has autism and her parents deal with it in loads of ways. There are loads of old wives tales that are supposed to work with autism and different ones work for different people. They don't give my cousin any dairy and it helps her laods!

Also and physiatrist is useful
x

[NettoSuperstar!]

Originally posted by Christina
Originally posted by Gazbo
Originally posted by Christina
Originally posted by Gazbo
If it was me, I would touch on the subject of her eating in a joking way and see how she takes it. If she takes it well then perhaps go further and just calmly tell her you're worried for her. Ooh i did that. I said 'Now dont you be turning into one of these size zero models' and then she laughed a bit and then said 'No seriously make sure you do eat even if its only small amounts' and i said maybe she should get one of those drinks that are like food. Not sure if she has or not because Im back at school now as is she [we go to seperate schools].

Perhaps you could try doing something like doing the drinks together, you could say you'd like to do it too. But like Netto said the eating isn't a huge problem, but as a former suffer of an eating disorder, I think you should try to stab this thing in the butt before it goes further. Ill try my best, its just hard meeting up with her lots because we only really have weekends. Thanks for all the advice Gaz!

Yeh Gazbos right its best if she sorts it asap or side issues could easily develop, phobias, eating disorder, drugs/alcohol. It would be terrible to see a young life ruined

[Christina]

Oh no i hope she'd never do that. I dont think she'd turn to drugs/alchol, shes usually so against that. But you never know in situations like this :(