I never do stuff like this on here but I need some advice..

[supernoodles!]

Well as some of you know about 2 and a half months ago I broke up with my bf of almost 4 years.Were still really close,see each other,talk every day etc and today I found out his dad passed away this morning.It was so sudden and totally unexpected,Im actually devasted.My ex rang me to tell me this morning and he was in complete hysterics,I couldn`t even make out what he was saying.Ive been asking some close friends what I should say and do,I feel so awkward and frustrated because I can`t do what I would have done if I was still his gf and Im so worried about saying the wrong thing,Ive never lost anyone before,I`ve still got both sets of grandparents so I can`t even begin to imagine to think what it must be like to loose your dad.
Ive explained that I am here 24/7 but I just feel like I`m not doing enough,but I don`t know,I don`t want to be irritating constantly texting and stuff,so erm yeah what would you lot suggest:sad:
thanks:hug:

[pinkmichk]

:hug::hug: you could always offer to go as a friend to the funeral as support cos i should think he would welcome that and just be there as a support for him tell him you are there if he needs a shoulder to cry on

[andyman]

You could go round to his house.

[Brad*]

There's not much you can really do other than comfort him and tell him things will be ok. You should also never bring the subject up again for obvious reasons. He will be upset for a long time and will feel just as awkward as you. My dad passed away 12 years ago and it is never nice to talk about things like that.:kiss:

[supernoodles!]

Yeah I will do that,I don`t know if the family would want me there,I mean we got on and everything but idk with us splitting up and everything even though it wasn`t my decision and were still on good terms idk how they would feel about it.I don`t see why I shouldn`t go though i`ve been going to his house since I was 13 and spent alot of time in his company.
thanks for the advice =]

[Bells]

wow, this must be hard. :hug: you've already shown you're supportive though by saying you're there for him, and as long as he knows this - it's really up to him to choose when he wants to speak to you about it.

as you say, things are different now that you're not his girlfriend anymore, and the fact is it does make things a little awkward as even though you're close, you can't just pop round so freely like you might have done. what he's going through must be awful, so all you can really do is take a step back, give him some space, but also stick around in case he needs support. the pain/grieving won't go for a while, but memories will stay. when he's ready to accept and move on, make sure you're there to help him get back to normal.

[supernoodles!]

Originally posted by andyman
You could go round to his house.

I thought about that,but earlier he said he wanted to be on his own.I don`t want to be too forceful.Its **** not being able to be there.

[Christina]

Aw im so sorry to hear that. Could you not maybe treat him as though he is one of your close friends [even though he is]. I should imagine you know him really well so just do what you feel is best. When you loose someone close to you its always nice to know that someone is there and that they care etc.. So dont worry about feeling like youre annoying him. But at the same time you have to understand that hes upset and that he isnt going to be his normal self for sometime. I hope hes okay and good luck :hug:
RIP to his dad.

[supernoodles!]

Originally posted by Ash
wow, this must be hard. :hug: you've already shown you're supportive though by saying you're there for him, and as long as he knows this - it's really up to him to choose when he wants to speak to you about it.

as you say, things are different now that you're not his girlfriend anymore, and the fact is it does make things a little awkward as even though you're close, you can't just pop round so freely like you might have done. what he's going through must be awful, so all you can really do is take a step back, give him some space, but also stick around in case he needs support. the pain/grieving won't go for a while, but memories will stay. when he's ready to accept and move on, make sure you're there to help him get back to normal.


I know thats the frustrating thing not being able to do the stuff I would have done if it had happened a few months back.

[lily.]

I think you should ask him if he wants you to go to the funeral. He will probably want you there and since you've known his family for years, you won't be out of place.

Other than that, you need to give him space, and he'll come to you if he wants a friend.

[WATERS]

Just comfort him as much as you can ?

[supernoodles!]

Originally posted by Christina
Aw Im so sorry to hear that. Could you not maybe treat him as though he is one of your close friends [even though he is]. I should imagine you know him really well so just do what you feel is best. When you loose someone close to you its always nice to know that someone is there and that they care etc.. So dont worry about feeling like youre annoying him. But at the same time you have to understand that hes upset and that he isnt going to be his normal self for sometime. I hope hes okay and good luck :hug:
RIP to his dad.

thanks christina thats great advice:hug:
I keep telling myself,just pretend he`s any other close friend,it doesn`t really work like that though unfortunatly.Some days we text constant anyway so I don`t know wether to just go on as normal or leave it be.He hasn`t text back but hes rang me twice but I couldn`t make out what he was saying.

[supernoodles!]

Originally posted by Linda
I think you should ask him if he wants you to go to the funeral. He will probably want you there and since you've known his family for years, you won't be out of place.

Other than that, you need to give him space, and he'll come to you if he wants a friend.


ok I think I will do that,it would probably be seen as ignorant if I diddn`t mention me going to the funeral

[Ninastar]

WHen my grandma died all i wanted was to cry and cuddle someone. I think you should go and visit him and give him lots of hugs.

[Ninastar]

WHen my grandma died all i wanted was to cry and cuddle someone. I think you should go and visit him and give him lots of hugs.

[Christina]

Originally posted by supernoodles!
Originally posted by Christina
Aw Im so sorry to hear that. Could you not maybe treat him as though he is one of your close friends [even though he is]. I should imagine you know him really well so just do what you feel is best. When you loose someone close to you its always nice to know that someone is there and that they care etc.. So dont worry about feeling like youre annoying him. But at the same time you have to understand that hes upset and that he isnt going to be his normal self for sometime. I hope hes okay and good luck :hug:
RIP to his dad.

thanks christina thats great advice:hug:
I keep telling myself,just pretend he`s any other close friend,it doesn`t really work like that though unfortunatly.Some days we text constant anyway so I don`t know wether to just go on as normal or leave it be.He hasn`t text back but hes rang me twice but I couldn`t make out what he was saying. Aw i know i was like that too. Maybe you should go see him, it'd be beter to understand what hes saying. And honestly when Nan died all i wanted was for someone to be there.. its horrible being left alone at times like that. And sometimes its better to have friends with you than family. I think you should go for it :(

[Jackie]

All I can say is that you've told him you're be there for him,so leave it at that for now and he probably will contact you if he needs you,different people take grief different ways I know when I lost my daughter I wanted to be with my immediate family only.

[supernoodles!]

Originally posted by ninostar
WHen my grandma died all i wanted was to cry and cuddle someone. I think you should go and visit him and give him lots of hugs.

thats what I want to do tbh,but I can`t just go over there,it would be disrespectful.


Thanks Christina,I think Im going to walk the dog now so maybe while Im out I`ll give him a ring

[Ninastar]

Originally posted by supernoodles!
Originally posted by ninostar
WHen my grandma died all i wanted was to cry and cuddle someone. I think you should go and visit him and give him lots of hugs.

thats what I want to do tbh,but I can`t just go over there,it would be disrespectful.


Thanks Christina,I think Im going to walk the dog now so maybe while Im out I`ll give him a ring

Ok true lol. i didnt think about that. Its just that i phoned my friend when i my gran died and i was in hysertics too and my friend was like ok im coming over with my mum x

[Christina]

Originally posted by supernoodles!
Originally posted by ninostar
WHen my grandma died all i wanted was to cry and cuddle someone. I think you should go and visit him and give him lots of hugs.

thats what I want to do tbh,but I can`t just go over there,it would be disrespectful.


Thanks Christina,I think Im going to walk the dog now so maybe while Im out I`ll give him a ring Ooh thats true actually.. maybe give it sometime! Good luck :hug:

[supernoodles!]

Originally posted by ninostar
Originally posted by supernoodles!
Originally posted by ninostar
WHen my grandma died all i wanted was to cry and cuddle someone. I think you should go and visit him and give him lots of hugs.

thats what I want to do tbh,but I can`t just go over there,it would be disrespectful.


Thanks Christina,I think Im going to walk the dog now so maybe while Im out I`ll give him a ring

Ok true lol. i didnt think about that. Its just that i phoned my friend when i my gran died and i was in hysertics too and my friend was like ok Im coming over with my mum x


thats probably what I would have done if we were together still but like his mam has lost her husband and he has a younger brother too. It wouldn`t be appropriate for me to go barging over.:sad:

[Kate..]

Everyone's advice is really good.
I know I'm younger than your boyfriend but when my dad died I honestly didn't want to see anyone, when people said things like "I'm sorry for your loss" and "I'm here if you need me" it just made me think about it all over again and would get me even more upset. A lot of people say they feel better when they have someone close that they can open up to, and I'm sure that's true for them, but for me I found it next to impossible to say his name for almost a year, even to my mum. And it was the hardest thing telling people, partly because I had to admit it was true and partly because I hated the way they tried to get me to open up to them.

The only thing I appreciated though i didn't realise it at the time was when my not even very close friend mentioned my dad and I told her and she looked really upset for me but she didn't say anything and she didn't even grab my hand or give me a hug which i was soo gratefull for and then she just started talking about something else and for about 2 months she never let me have a moments peace, always making me have sleepovers and see movies and even though I didn't realise it at the time, she was making me not think about it, she was giving me a purpose and i love her for it! She's the best!

All people need different things, so it's hard to suggest what to do for your ex

xx

[supernoodles!]

awww Kate,thanks for sharing what you went through =]
Reading everyones responses I agree,I think all people need different things when they loose someone close.I understand what you mean about making it worse when people mention it because although I can`t compare it to loosing a parent when my mam and dad split up I felt the same,people kept asking me if I was ok and being like really nice to me which made me even more upset,idk why but it did,I sort of couldn`t take everyone being nice.

[Kate..]

Originally posted by supernoodles!
awww Kate,thanks for sharing what you went through =]
Reading everyones responses I agree,I think all people need different things when they loose someone close.I understand what you mean about making it worse when people mention it because although I can`t compare it to loosing a parent when my mam and dad split up I felt the same,people kept asking me if I was ok and being like really nice to me which made me even more upset,idk why but it did,I sort of couldn`t take everyone being nice.

Yeah, I was exactly the same. It's really hard to know what's the right thing to do, some people like the attention (not in a bad way) and some people hate it so it's really hard to get the balance right.
The things I do know that most people hate is "I'm sorry" I don't know why, it's just kind of like an automatic responce and even if you do mean it, it doesn't feel like it :conf: