Jokes.. [Over 18s only]

[andyman]

...
2 men are at the opposite sides of the world but are thinking the exact same thing.
One is walking a tightrope between 2 skyscapers, the other is having a blow job off an 85yr old woman... What are they both thinking?







Don't look down! Don't look down! Don't look down!

[Twilight]

Eww

[Captain.Remy]

I thought you were 12 andyman. And I'm serious.

[Twilight]

Reported this topic

[andyman]

Originally posted by Captain.Remy
I thought you were 12 andyman. And I'm serious. Snap! Dude!!!
Look this is a Big Brother site, valid to act silly... Oh and you don't know me outside of the TiBB forum. :thumbs:

[andyman]

Originally posted by Twilight
Reported this topic Why are you in this thread?? :bored:

[BigOz]

Oh Twilight c'mon... please don't tell me you like that stupid show aswell!?

[Twilight]

Originally posted by BigOz
Oh Twilight c'mon... please don't tell me you like that stupid show aswell!? What show:conf:

[M X]

This isn't really just for over 18's but thought it was funny [and bit **** lol]

A man is in Tesco one day when he see's a woman. The woman then walks over to him and says "I think your the father of one of my kids!" The gentlemen then replies "Oh! Are you that woman I shagged on the pool table in Ibiza three years ago while your best friend spanked me with a piece of wet celery?" The woman then replies "No. I'm your daughters teacher".

:laugh2:.

[arista]

Originally posted by Captain.Remy
I thought you were 12 andyman. And I'm serious.



He is a Crude one at times.

[Twilight]

Originally posted by arista
Originally posted by Captain.Remy
I thought you were 12 andyman. And I'm serious.



He is a Crude one at times. Ya telling me

[bronaaaa]

Originally posted by TheMichaelO
This isn't really just for over 18's but thought it was funny [and bit **** lol]

A man is in Tesco one day when he see's a woman. The woman then walks over to him and says "I think your the father of one of my kids!" The gentlemen then replies "Oh! Are you that woman I sh****d on the pool table in Ibiza three years ago while your best friend spanked me with a piece of wet celery?" The woman then replies "No. I'm your daughters teacher".

:laugh2:.


:laugh2: That is funny

[andyman]

^No it aint!

[Harry!]

Originally posted by Captain.Remy
I thought you were 12 andyman. And I'm serious.

Andyman is not 12. It says on his profile that his B-Day is January 26, 1978 :spin:

[andyman]

Originally posted by Madonna
Originally posted by Captain.Remy
I thought you were 12 andyman. And I'm serious.

Andyman is not 12. It says on his profile that his B-Day is January 26, 1978 :spin: Captain.Remy is hinting that i am a ******.. Hehe.
But this is only a Big Brother fansite so valid to act daft n tings n stuff..
To be fair i am a big kid.. BooYEAH!

[Harry!]

Originally posted by andyman
Originally posted by Madonna
Originally posted by Captain.Remy
I thought you were 12 andyman. And I'm serious.

Andyman is not 12. It says on his profile that his B-Day is January 26, 1978 :spin: Captain.Remy is hinting that i am a ******.. Hehe.
But this is only a Big Brother fansite so valid to act daft n tings n stuff..
To be fair i am a big kid.. BooYEAH!

I can see why and please change your graphics, I keep on DREAMING OF THEM!!!!

[andyman]

C'mon it's only food! Mmmm fooooooood!

BURGERS!

CHIPS!!

PIZZA!!!

[Harry!]

Originally posted by andyman
C'mon it's only food! Mmmm fooooooood!

BURGERS!

CHIPS!!

PIZZA!!!

And your Avatar?

[Shaun]

LOL.

What's the difference between oral and anal sex?

One makes your whole day, the other makes your hole weak.

[M X]

Andy,

I know this maybe slightly off-topic but that avatar of yourself is brilliant. I'd love one of those. And strangely enough, it's exactly how I pictured you! Spooky, ah?

[Firewire]

Originally posted by TheMichaelO
Andy,

I know this maybe slightly off-topic but that avatar of yourself is brilliant. I'd love one of those. And strangely enough, it's exactly how I pictured you! Spooky, ah?

Do you know. I was gonna say that.

[LemonJam]

Originally posted by TheMichaelO
Andy,

I know this maybe slightly off-topic but that avatar of yourself is brilliant. I'd love one of those. And strangely enough, it's exactly how I pictured you! Spooky, ah?

Well that was pretty uncalled for... and bad.

[arista]

Originally posted by Twilight
Reported this topic


For What?

It says over 18s Only.

[andyman]

Oh you guys! :bouncy:

[arista]

A Big Mexican




http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs014.snc1/2634_1040209406507_1263715113_30119903_2453905_n.j pg




Just £1
at WalmartAsda
and other stores.

[Ninastar]

Oh come on twilght dont be a spoil sport x

[Tom4784]

Bahaha I love these jokes, apart from the mexican one, I don't get it. Whoever said they were gonna report this topic, get a grip or ****.

[Captain.Remy]

Message original : andyman
Originally posted by Madonna
Originally posted by Captain.Remy
I thought you were 12 andyman. And I'm serious.

Andyman is not 12. It says on his profile that his B-Day is January 26, 1978 :spin: Captain.Remy is hinting that i am a ******.. Hehe.
But this is only a Big Brother fansite so valid to act daft n tings n stuff..
To be fair i am a big kid.. BooYEAH!

No I love the jokes lol I never thought you were a ******.
I just thought you were like 12-13. I guess it's the way you write I believe. No offence I hope.

Oh and I heard the celery one, it's damn hilarious ! :laugh3:

[Captain.Remy]

Message original : Picto
LOL.

What's the difference between oral and anal sex?

One makes your whole day, the other makes your hole weak.

Fu***** hell this is awesome ! :laugh2:

[arista]

Originally posted by Muse
Bahaha I love these jokes, apart from the mexican one, I don't get it. Whoever said they were going to report this topic, get a grip or ****.


I do not get that Mexican one.

Snap.

[Captain.Remy]

Message original : arista
Originally posted by Muse
Bahaha I love these jokes, apart from the mexican one, I don't get it. Whoever said they were going to report this topic, get a grip or ****.


I do not get that Mexican one.

Snap.

Same here. :sad:

And to the one who got this thread reported: ****. Sorry if we offend your 8 y-o mind but as it was meant to be for 18+, you shouldn't have looked here in the first place. You did, so don't complain. :wink:

[Twilight]

Originally posted by Captain.Remy
Message original : arista
Originally posted by Muse
Bahaha I love these jokes, apart from the mexican one, I don't get it. Whoever said they were going to report this topic, get a grip or ****.


I do not get that Mexican one.

Snap.

Same here. :sad:

And to the one who got this thread reported: ****. Sorry if we offend your 8 y-o mind but as it was meant to be for 18+, you shouldn't have looked here in the first place. You did, so don't complain. :wink: Yes but this site is 13+ so 18+ Suff sould not be on here duh, 8 y-o mind huh

[Captain.Remy]

Message original : Twilight
Yes but this site is 13+ so 18+ Suff sould not beon here duh, 8 y-o mind huh

But that doesn't mean we can't make threads 18+. It's not in the rules and it doesn't offend anybody.
You still clicked on it so don't act surprised of what you found there.
This thread won't be closed anyway. :wink:

[Shaun]

Oh Twilight, go back to reading your emotionally-charged vaguely paranormal romance novels. Leave the sense of humour to the big boys.

[Ninastar]

If peoples keep arguing it will get closed. So basically If you like it here than stay ( most of us ) and if you dont like it then leave ( the rest of us )

[Novo]

A man walks up behind his wife, reaches around her with both hands, and cups her breasts....and says, "You know, honey, if you firmed these up a bit, you wouldn't have to use those push-up bras."
Devastated, mouth ajar, she gets furious...but just mumbles curses under her breath.
A few days later, in exactly the same situation, he walks up behind her, but this time cups her buttocks...and says, "You know, honey, if you firmed this up a bit, you wouldn't have to use those form-fitting panties."
Still angry about the first time, she just glares at him....
The very next day, he walks up behind her, grabs her sides just above her hips....and says, "You know, honey, if you firmed this up a bit, you wouldn't have to use a girdle."
That did it...in a flash, she about-faced, reached out, grabbed his Penis.....and said, "You know, honey, if you firmed THIS up a bit, I wouldn't have to use your brother."

[Twilight]

Originally posted by Picto
Oh Twilight, go back to reading your emotionally-charged vaguely paranormal romance novels. Leave the sense of humour to the big boys. emotionally-charged vaguely paranormal romance novels huh if ya talking about Twilight i don't like the books, i got my name from a game i like Ok

[Ninastar]

Originally posted by .Andy.
A man walks up behind his wife, reaches around her with both hands, and cups her breasts....and says, "You know, honey, if you firmed these up a bit, you wouldn't have to use those push-up bras."
Devastated, mouth ajar, she gets furious...but just mumbles curses under her breath.
A few days later, in exactly the same situation, he walks up behind her, but this time cups her buttocks...and says, "You know, honey, if you firmed this up a bit, you wouldn't have to use those form-fitting panties."
Still angry about the first time, she just glares at him....
The very next day, he walks up behind her, grabs her sides just above her hips....and says, "You know, honey, if you firmed this up a bit, you wouldn't have to use a girdle."
That did it...in a flash, she about-faced, reached out, grabbed his Penis.....and said, "You know, honey, if you firmed THIS up a bit, I wouldn't have to use your brother."


LMAO!

[bronaaaa]

Originally posted by Ninabitch
Originally posted by .Andy.
A man walks up behind his wife, reaches around her with both hands, and cups her breasts....and says, "You know, honey, if you firmed these up a bit, you wouldn't have to use those push-up bras."
Devastated, mouth ajar, she gets furious...but just mumbles curses under her breath.
A few days later, in exactly the same situation, he walks up behind her, but this time cups her buttocks...and says, "You know, honey, if you firmed this up a bit, you wouldn't have to use those form-fitting panties."
Still angry about the first time, she just glares at him....
The very next day, he walks up behind her, grabs her sides just above her hips....and says, "You know, honey, if you firmed this up a bit, you wouldn't have to use a girdle."
That did it...in a flash, she about-faced, reached out, grabbed his Penis.....and said, "You know, honey, if you firmed THIS up a bit, I wouldn't have to use your brother."


LMAO!

LOL

[Tom4784]

Originally posted by .Andy.
A man walks up behind his wife, reaches around her with both hands, and cups her breasts....and says, "You know, honey, if you firmed these up a bit, you wouldn't have to use those push-up bras."
Devastated, mouth ajar, she gets furious...but just mumbles curses under her breath.
A few days later, in exactly the same situation, he walks up behind her, but this time cups her buttocks...and says, "You know, honey, if you firmed this up a bit, you wouldn't have to use those form-fitting panties."
Still angry about the first time, she just glares at him....
The very next day, he walks up behind her, grabs her sides just above her hips....and says, "You know, honey, if you firmed this up a bit, you wouldn't have to use a girdle."
That did it...in a flash, she about-faced, reached out, grabbed his Penis.....and said, "You know, honey, if you firmed THIS up a bit, I wouldn't have to use your brother."

:laugh2:

[Firewire]

Originally posted by Muse
Originally posted by .Andy.
A man walks up behind his wife, reaches around her with both hands, and cups her breasts....and says, "You know, honey, if you firmed these up a bit, you wouldn't have to use those push-up bras."
Devastated, mouth ajar, she gets furious...but just mumbles curses under her breath.
A few days later, in exactly the same situation, he walks up behind her, but this time cups her buttocks...and says, "You know, honey, if you firmed this up a bit, you wouldn't have to use those form-fitting panties."
Still angry about the first time, she just glares at him....
The very next day, he walks up behind her, grabs her sides just above her hips....and says, "You know, honey, if you firmed this up a bit, you wouldn't have to use a girdle."
That did it...in a flash, she about-faced, reached out, grabbed his Penis.....and said, "You know, honey, if you firmed THIS up a bit, I wouldn't have to use your brother."

:laugh2:

:laugh3:

[30stone]

A bloke out for a walk sees a fit blonde girl on the edge of a cliff, he says "are you going to jump?" she says, "Yeah!" He says "before you do would you give me a blowjob?" She says, "yeah why not" and gives him the best bj he has ever had.

After he shoots his load he says "I can't believe you would want to kill yourself with a talent like that" She says "I know but my parents just can't accept me dressing like a woman!"

[bronaaaa]

Originally posted by Robin-Van-Perfect
A bloke out for a walk sees a fit blonde girl on the edge of a cliff, he says "are you going to jump?" she says, "Yeah!" He says "before you do would you give me a blowjob?" She says, "yeah why not" and gives him the best bj he has ever had.

After he shoots his load he says "I can't believe you would want to kill yourself with a talent like that" She says "I know but my parents just can't accept me dressing like a woman!"

Heard that one before, I love it :laugh2:

[Sam!]

Originally posted by Twilight
Originally posted by Captain.Remy
Message original : arista
Originally posted by Muse
Bahaha I love these jokes, apart from the mexican one, I don't get it. Whoever said they were going to report this topic, get a grip or ****.


I do not get that Mexican one.

Snap.

Same here. :sad:

And to the one who got this thread reported: ****. Sorry if we offend your 8 y-o mind but as it was meant to be for 18+, you shouldn't have looked here in the first place. You did, so don't complain. :wink: Yes but this site is 13+ so 18+ Suff sould not be on here duh, 8 y-o mind huh

Boringggg

[JOSHUAH!]

I just remembered a one from like last year.

Whats the difference between a nun and a young woman?
One has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her hole.

LMAO :cheer:

[Novo]

A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents. They sit down and
have a conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two esses acoma together. I
come once-a-more. Two esses, they comma together again. I
come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
.” In this country . . . we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives. . . "

"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you?," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta
sex?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'."

[arista]

Good One
Andy.

[Novo]

Originally posted by arista
Good One
Andy.

Thank you Arista

[Ninastar]

LMAO andy! I like it

[Novo]

Originally posted by Ninabitch
LMAO andy! I like it

thank you Ninastar

Am back at 10 with the best one yet

I know you'll love it
even you twilight

[Ninastar]

Originally posted by .Andy.
Originally posted by Ninabitch
LMAO andy! I like it

thank you Ninastar

Am back at 10 with the best one yet

I know you'll love it
even you twilight


errrrr scuse meeehhhh its Ninabitch! Get it right!!!

Jokes


:lovedup:

[Novo]

Originally posted by Ninabitch
Originally posted by .Andy.
Originally posted by Ninabitch
LMAO andy! I like it

thank you Ninastar

Am back at 10 with the best one yet

I know you'll love it
even you twilight


errrrr scuse meeehhhh its Ninabitch! Get it right!!!

Jokes


:lovedup:

I don't like Ninabitch

It sounds common

Ninastar sounds upper class

[Firewire]

Originally posted by bronaa
Originally posted by Robin-Van-Perfect
A bloke out for a walk sees a fit blonde girl on the edge of a cliff, he says "are you going to jump?" she says, "Yeah!" He says "before you do would you give me a blowjob?" She says, "yeah why not" and gives him the best bj he has ever had.

After he shoots his load he says "I can't believe you would want to kill yourself with a talent like that" She says "I know but my parents just can't accept me dressing like a woman!"

Heard that one before, I love it :laugh2:

Never heard it but it is hilarious. :laugh3:

[Twilight]

Originally posted by .Andy.
Originally posted by Ninabitch
LMAO andy! I like it

thank you Ninastar

Am back at 10 with the best one yet

I know you'll love it
even you twilight Ok that was funny:laugh:

[M X]

YAAAY! Twilight, that's how you do it!!

[lily.]

A guy goes to the library and asks the librarian for a book about suicide.

The librarian replies: "***** off, you won't bring it back."

[M X]

Haha love that!!

[Twilight]

Originally posted by TheMichaelO
YAAAY! Twilight, that's how you do it!! That was funny but the first was a bit Eww

[Twilight]

Originally posted by lili
A guy goes to the library and asks the librarian for a book about suicide.

The librarian replies: "***** off, you won't bring it back." Funny:joker:

[lily.]

Here's the deal.. if you click to read it, don't complain that it's offensive.. this is my disclaimer.. I think it's fackin hilarious.. but you may not..

Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

[Ninastar]

Originally posted by lili
A guy goes to the library and asks the librarian for a book about suicide.

The librarian replies: "***** off, you won't bring it back."

Omg i heard that one

[M X]

Originally posted by lili
Here's the deal.. if you click to read it, don't complain that it's offensive.. this is my disclaimer.. I think it's fackin hilarious.. but you may not..

Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape. OMG! That is so shocking [but only a little bit funny:whistle:

[lily.]

I like it.. the subtle ones are the best.. :P

[30stone]

Originally posted by lili
A guy goes to the library and asks the librarian for a book about suicide.

The librarian replies: "***** off, you won't bring it back."


Thats the one i was going to post earlier... but i have more..

Little boy disturbs his parents having sex, mum on top. The boy asks "what are you doing" mum says "dad has a big belly so i get on top of it 2 help flatten it".

Boy says "your wasting your time because when you go out shopping the lady next door gets down on her knees and blows it back up again!".

[lily.]

Hit me at 40mph, there's around an 80% chance I'll die.

Hit me at 30mph, there's around an 80% chance I'll live.


Hit me at 10mph when I'm wearing heely's, there's 100% chance it will be funny as ****.

[Z]

Originally posted by lili
Hit me at 40mph, there's around an 80% chance I'll die.

Hit me at 30mph, there's around an 80% chance I'll live.


Hit me at 10mph when I'm wearing heely's, there's 100% chance it will be funny as ****.

:laugh2:


If you are driving at 40mph, there's around an 80% chance I'll die.

If you are driving at 70mph, there is 0% chance I'll walk out in front of you, you'll be long gone.

------

If abortion is murder, then blowjobs are cannibalism and masturbation is mass genocide.




Yeah I'm not over 18, I deserve to be shot.

[tiernanp40]

i heard this reallly fly jade goody joke and it was so fly and i near acctually killed the person that said it i swear

[TheMac]

Originally posted by tiernanp40
i heard this reallly fly jade goody joke and it was so fly and i near acctually killed the person that said it i swear

Auf Englisch?

[Twilight]

Originally posted by tiernanp40
i heard this reallly fly jade goody joke and it was so fly and i near acctually killed the person that said it i swear English

[tiernanp40]

Originally posted by mr_mitb
Originally posted by tiernanp40
i heard this reallly fly jade goody joke and it was so fly and i near acctually killed the person that said it i swear

Auf Englisch?

wat r u talkin about :hugesmile::hugesmile:

[TheMac]

Originally posted by tiernanp40
Originally posted by mr_mitb
Originally posted by tiernanp40
i heard this reallly fly jade goody joke and it was so fly and i near acctually killed the person that said it i swear

Auf Englisch?

wat r u talkin about :hugesmile::hugesmile:

Is it not that obvious that we have no clue what you said? IN ENGLISH THIS TIME PLEASE!

[Twilight]

Originally posted by tiernanp40
Originally posted by mr_mitb
Originally posted by tiernanp40
i heard this reallly fly jade goody joke and it was so fly and i near acctually killed the person that said it i swear

Auf Englisch?

wat r u talkin about :hugesmile::hugesmile: Put it in English Now

[BigOz]

xD... omg! people here are just hilarious!

[Ross]

I have a joke...

What's a joke?


Twilight

[Novo]

I have a even better one!!!!!!!!

I advice people I dont like on this forum not to look


.........

:love:

[30stone]

:laugh3:

[Twilight]

Originally posted by Ross
I have a joke...

What's a joke?


Twilight :lovedup:

[lily.]

Greg, this one is for you:

If you hit a Rangers fan at 20mph he'll live...
If you hit a Rangers fan at 30mph there's still a good chance he'll live...

BUT, if you stopped driving like a fanny and put your foot down and went over 40mph, there's a good chance you'll kill the dirty hun!

"THINK" before you SLOW DOWN!

[30stone]

Whats wrong with rangers fans?!

[lily.]

haha.. ask Greg!

[Novo]

He's A hoop

:cloud:

[lily.]

Noooooo.. he's a Don... :D

The Rangers/Aberdeen rivalry is worse than the Rangers/Celtic rivalry...

[Z]

Originally posted by lili
Noooooo.. he's a Don... :D

The Rangers/Aberdeen rivalry is worse than the Rangers/Celtic rivalry...

Yeah definitely. Liked the joke :hugesmile:. I'm wary of what I say, some aspiring Rangers fan (read: Lauren) may comment on Aberdeen's cup performance tonight.......

[Novo]

Originally posted by Zee
Originally posted by lili
Noooooo.. he's a Don... :D

The Rangers/Aberdeen rivalry is worse than the Rangers/Celtic rivalry...

Yeah definitely. Liked the joke :hugesmile:. I'm wary of what I say, some aspiring Rangers fan (read: Lauren) may comment on Aberdeen's cup performance tonight.......

Dear Dear

Penalty missed as well i heard

[30stone]

That was a boring match!

[Novo]

Originally posted by Robin-Van-Perfect
That was a boring match!

6 goals what more can you ask for :shocked:

Penaltys are a awful way to win a game

[30stone]

I got it wrong again i meant the game toinght the 0 - 0 i thought that was aberdeen lol

[Z]

You guys are cocks :laugh2: ah well, typical Aberdeen, great chance to gain something incredible out of a match and we play crap. Nothing surprising there.