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Posted 18-03-2010 at 12:39 AM by Princess
Updated 18-03-2010 at 12:45 AM by Princess

Hah how ironic my last blog was written the day of Mark and Emma's wedding

On the 10th of March,I woke up and found out Mark Owen had had 10 flings and a 5 year affair behind Emma's back. I immediately started crying and hyperventilating so much that I fell to the floor and had to grab a bag to breathe into. It was just so unexpected. During that day,I cried,ranted,argued with people on TiBB,Twitter and FB and read article after article. That was a week ago and through talking to people I've been trying to figure out why I got SO upset,why I'm still upset about it now. And I thought it would be good to write it down,thought it would help so yeah.

I have loved Take That for about 3 and a half years now. It's felt like eternity because I just can't remember ever not liking them. I've loved them not just for the amazing music but because I saw them as nice,genuine,lovely guys. Everyone did,they were seen as the nicest guys in pop. No-one had a bad word to say about them. Mark was my favourite because he was Mark,he was small and adorable,he said cute things and he smiled and I just felt happy. He was my lovely Mark. So to find out about this all,it was just SUCH a shock,the extent of it. I was so shocked that I got hysterical,cos I was constantly saying how amazing and lovely they were and it just felt unreal. I've never ever had to think about how I thought about them,so to actually have to think-'Wait Mark has slept with all these women,he's an absolute bastard' to have to think how I felt about Mark,now or in the future or how I felt about how I felt about Take That or what it meant for my old memories or whether I could love them. It just send me into a bit of turmoil because I honestly have no idea. It's just too much to think about. Too much to coprehend.

For the last few years,Take That have been my constant. They've made me happy,cheered me up when I felt down. I never even had to think about what I felt about them. Because it was just a given. They were one thing that I never thought could hurt me and then the one thing I thought couldn't be ruined went and got ruined,it just felt like my whole world collasped because they were the ones keeping it upright.

Take That were my heroin,they were,I always said it,I barely ever drink,I've never smoked in my life,I don't have sex(not yet anyways,bit impossible without a guy!)so music is what I have. I havn't listened to Take That in a week now,listened to their music,watched their videos,read interviews,looked at their pictures for anything other than they're impossible to avoid in my room. And it's just WEIRD,it's like I'm having withdrawal symtpoms or something and I feel absolutely crap right now.I'm reading all the articles because it's something,they suck but it's Take That. See I don't feel like I should forgive Mark,because I have morals and it is clearly not of high morals to do what he did or condone it as a fan. So I don't feel like I should forgive him but my god I want to. It's so hard not having him or Take That in my life. It's like my head is going 'But you love Take That,but no he's a cheater,you can't love a cheater,but he's Mark' and it's giving me a right old headache. Cos I don't think I can be mad at him forever because what he did was unforgiveable. But I can't see him in the same light again. Ever,he's lost all the respect I ever had for him,because he's not the person I thought he was and idolized him to be.

In my life,I've had sadness but I've never ever had someone I love and trust turn out not to be the person I thought they were. That's never happened to me. So it's a bit difficult to work through. Because I've never had to do it before. I've never had to go 'Oh well he's an absolute ass but sure he's Mark so I can forget about it' For me it's black and white a lot. Not for everything but when it's comes to people. I just find it strange that some people can forget about what he did because they love him too much,forget that he wasn't who they thought he was. It's weird to think that the cheating lying scumbag is the same Mark who has made me smile and laugh and waved at me in Wembley. Cos to me it's like they're 2 completely different people and I'm finding it hard to think of them as one person.

Take That have given me more happy memories than I can count,cheered me up all the time,so it's difficult when the thing that's cheers me up is the thing that is making me upset. It sucks. Completely and utterly sucks.

I am a trustworthy person,I am a person who gets overly emotional,easily obsessed.I wear my heart on my sleeve and I like to think I have very high morals. So to combine that with what has happened is never going to have me feeling anything but absolutely crap. I don't deal well with obsessive upsets,I can never sleep well or eat much. I like to be happy but when I am sad,my god I get sad.

A week ago I was SOOOOOOO proud to be a Take That fan,so so so proud and so proud that Mark was my favourite. And now everyone is talking about it,people are making jokes about it and it's just I don't know I don't feel like I can be proud anymore. Proud of Mark who was an absolute ass and it just sucks cos they were the obsession I was so proud of,proud of the amazing music and the nice guys and the records the held,the awards they had,the shows they put on,the talent they have. I can never seperate music from people. Hence why I don't listen to GaGa,Robbie,Kayne West,Chris Brown and the like because I just feel urgh if I do. Because why would I want to listen to music of people I dislike? And now,I havn't listened to any Mark or TT music since I found out. Because I feel like I'll burst into tears if I do and just keep thinking 'Why the feck did he do this??' I miss the music,I miss having Take That as a constant happiness in my life.

And I feel bad for feeling all this because some people are saying it has nothing to do with us. And it doesn't,it's to do with Emma and the kids. And I just feel so sorry for them,because their world has fallen apart,everything in their world has changed too. I hope Emma makes the right choice for her family,because it is up to her and no one else,it's her family's life. It's her husband,her kids and her happiness. Her world has collasped and I really do hope she has the strength to rebuild to back up again.

I hope I can forget it all because it's not all of Take That's fault that Mark is a complete man*****. I can never see myself seeing Mark as the same Mark again but I can hope I can figure it all out and stop being so confused about it all and be able to remember the happy times and listen to their music without thinking about how Mark has changed how I ever saw Take That in the first place. I also wouldn't mind a decent night's sleep.
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  1. Old Comment
    Jords's Avatar
    Aw Laura, if I were you I would listen to the music of other artists you like for the time being, and when you feel ready, start playing Take That again.
    Posted 18-03-2010 at 01:49 AM by Jords Jords is offline
  2. Old Comment
    GypsyGoth's Avatar

    Wow Laura, I hope the turmoil you are in calms in the coming days. Maybe you need a good cry listening to their music. That'd be the first thing I'd do.

    And I think it has a lot to do with you, you've invested money, time and love into being a fan of them. I'm sure Emma with consider her options before making her decision.

    I think it's a good trait you have to see the best in people you like, try not to lose that because of this "man*****" ()

    Also it's good to see you writing again
    Posted 18-03-2010 at 01:57 AM by GypsyGoth GypsyGoth is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Princess's Avatar
    I am listening to other stuff,I only just started on listening to music again like 2 days ago. Thank feck I have loads besides Take That! x
    Posted 18-03-2010 at 01:57 AM by Princess Princess is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Princess's Avatar
    Originally Posted by GypsyGoth View Comment

    Wow Laura, I hope the turmoil you are in calms in the coming days. Maybe you need a good cry listening to their music. That'd be the first thing I'd do.

    And I think it has a lot to do with you, you've invested money, time and love into being a fan of them. I'm sure Emma with consider her options before making her decision.

    I think it's a good trait you have to see the best in people you like, try not to lose that because of this "man*****" ()

    Also it's good to see you writing again

    I never thought of that! Hmm maybe I'll try it someday soon.

    Like the word?lol! I will try! I don't think I could change anyways,I like who I am.

    Thanks Clauds It is nice to write I have to say,helps a good bit x
    Posted 18-03-2010 at 02:00 AM by Princess Princess is offline
  5. Old Comment
    GypsyGoth's Avatar
    Originally Posted by Princess View Comment
    Like the word?
    It reminds me of that movie...

    *goes to check name*

    Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo
    Posted 18-03-2010 at 02:15 AM by GypsyGoth GypsyGoth is offline
  6. Old Comment
    Princess's Avatar
    Never seen it *looks up* I think I heard it on Grey's Anatomy.
    Posted 18-03-2010 at 02:22 AM by Princess Princess is offline
  7. Old Comment
    GypsyGoth's Avatar
    It's not really worth going out of your way to see, but there are a few funny bits, and he main character calls himself a manho.
    Posted 18-03-2010 at 02:26 AM by GypsyGoth GypsyGoth is offline
  8. Old Comment
    Princess's Avatar
    It sounds funny enough from imDB,LOL,manho I like that!
    Posted 18-03-2010 at 02:40 AM by Princess Princess is offline
  9. Old Comment
    Nicola's Avatar
    Hope you feel better and start to come to terms with it soon. I know all about "obsession upsets" and tend to work out ways of dealing with them after getting over the initial shock, and hope you can do the same too. I found it a shock when I saw the news on Twitter, and to me, my opinion of Mark has not changed in any way whatsoever and I still play their music, Mark sings lead on some of my favourite Take That songs although Gary wins every time for me!
    Posted 18-03-2010 at 08:32 AM by Nicola Nicola is offline
  10. Old Comment
    Princess's Avatar
    Thanks Nicola xx
    Posted 18-03-2010 at 01:11 PM by Princess Princess is offline
  11. Old Comment
    Nicola's Avatar
    You're welcome, there's a lot more I can say, especially about my earlier experiences as a Thatter, but I'll save all that for my own blog x
    Posted 19-03-2010 at 08:24 AM by Nicola Nicola is offline

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