..yeah I’m not really sad as such even though I’m often emotional atm..and I think maybe that bit will take a while, you know..I’m realising though that it is ok to be sad and to feel helpless as well in my limitations...I’m feeling more ok about it being ok to not be the things I would want to and would have hoped to and I’m being less frustrated about it all..and that is with a huge help from you as well...you’ve been fairly inspirational as always in helping me...you’re always there, you always have been and I think you have no idea how much it means and has meant to me...it would be just too much to say or even try to........ok, I need to go but...well...I really so much appreciate everything you are and how much difference you make for me and so may other people in your inspiration ....

..ok this looney has to go and sort out some food for later ..or at least catch up on something constructive...catch you later alligator.....

..inrealised atm I didn’t have a photograph of my dad on display...I have loads in albums and boxes etc but none on display..which I hadn’t realised tbh..so I found a special one to frame just so he knew that he will live forever in the family’s heart ...so his memory would never dissolve, you know...not that I thought he would appear as a spirit or anything...but just...well as the movie tradition said of how people will always live because of those who love them and everything we’ve talked about...silly I know but...it just made me feel that I wanted to, it just felt so important...don’t have me committed or anything..it all makes sense in my head...

..with the photos on CoCo and how the culture and tradition is to put them on display on the night of the dead etc...?...and also because of your book, which has made me think about my dad a lot..and other things about mortality in general and souls etc..just all of the stuff we’ve talked about..?...

..part 2 because I couldn’t fit it all on and it’s been an ipad nightmare trying to separate it and cut and paste etc...I was able to watch I, Tonya as well...ooops...also amazing in a different way...CoCo though, I th8nk it’s one of the most beautiful stories of all time..that family responsibility thing with the pursuit of dreams..just perfectly in every way......also I know this is silly but..(..I’ll do this in another post because I might run out of spaces soon again...)....part 3 upcoming...

..I know..Ava is t the devil, iPads are ..and iPhones, the devil would disown them I th8nk and refuse to burn them, they’re so irritating and tiny...:grimsmiley:...

...aww you’ve seen CoCo....in the cinema it would have been amazing, but yeah...it’s that weeping until there are no more tears, in public...I watched it just after finishing Black, I was still reading it when my son came from Spain and trying to engross myself with his distraction-ness..he has one of those fire stick things with some apps o; it that might be a bit illegal...shhhhhh...so that was one of the movies on there that I had read was amazing, so I just had to...do the illegal thing, you know...I just couldn’t not with that temptation...

...*screams and sceaches etc*...

...ughhh m6 typing is awful with this dumb iPad thing...it’s made me illiterate completely...

...oh maybe I was th8nkingnof Call Me By Your name, I’m sure I was...messy gal again.....I’m easily confused ..there’s another dvd which comes out in Monday which I so want to watch but I’ve forgotten it’s name as well for the moment..even though the reason I want to watch it is because of the title of it, rather than knowing anything about it...it just has a great title which I’ve completely forgotten..:laugh...yeah totally messy I am....have you seen CoCo though, the Pixar movie..?...omg, it’s just the most beautiful movie and characters ever, you must watch it, Dezzy...you MUST..!!!!!...I watched it on the back of having read Black, only a little while later after I finished the book..and with both of those..?...I’m drained and emotionally died, I have no feelings left to give...but in a good way though.....

...I need to check it out as I’m sure there are so many of his tracks that I haven’t heard yet...it’s something to look forward to as I know it’ll be an experience so special...nothing can quite beat that first time discovering with music and new tracks, you know..?..just so special.....when I was shopping this morning I almost bought Love, Simon dvd as I haven’t seen the movie before but it has rave reviews..for some reason I thought Sufjan was part of the soundtrack, not sure why ...as I’ve just looked the soundtrack playlist up and he isn’t listed there...odd I thought it was... my head just isn’t there obviously.....