Originally Posted by Babayaro. (Post 9327912) "being too obsessed with my fave i just get excited and wave" Brilliant

http://i.imgur.com/H9MnOMF.jpg

*offstage whispering*
Estonia?
tf is that?

http://i.imgur.com/BufVut6.png

Originally Posted by Ronald. (Post 9327922) Jade Ewen will be happy with that backstage. R.

http://i.imgur.com/8awmWYM.png
"Str8 Problems" by Carl Rae Jebend

Carl himself:
https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images...5/0qvW1agL.jpg

The suit he is wearing:
http://i.imgur.com/iRyFgLh.png

To the tune of...


Our singer, Carl Rae Jebend, is presented as a suave, sophisticated man who happens to be wearing a suit comprised entirely of the_truth quotes. It's an innovative design that took fucking forever to create. There are literal GASPS in the crowd as they focus on the quote about Emma and Rylan. Jebend sits at a desk in the centre of the stage, listening to a phonecall from a lesbian friend.

Listen, if you're bi or gay... you have to check your privilege.

[Verse 1]
"Shut it you filthy hetero,"
She said to me on the phone
"So tired of hearin' all your straight problems...
Stop looking for sympathy
You haven't lived the life of a gay
So tired of hearin' all your straight problems"

At this point, Jebend hangs up and rolls his eyes. The desk collapses through the floor as he stands - to further gasps - and walks around the stage looking pleadingly.

[Pre-Chorus]
And I know she's right and I should not be offended
But still I'm gonna campaign for a Straight Pride
And deep inside, equality's overrated
I can't help but feel this is like Apartheid, like Apartheid...

At this point, three rapid bursts of Nelson Mandela's face appear on the screen behind Jebend.

[Chorus]
Straight problems, who's got 'em? Look, there's the_truth!
Such struggle, born in a bubble, but not bigotry-proof
I got called a fucking breeder today and I don't really care
I've got worse problems (I have no taste in fashion)
I can't get a civil partnership today but I don't really care
I've got worse problems (I just know that I can't dance, yeah)

Carl receives another phonecall. Lesbian friend isn't happy about being hung up on.

[Verse 2]
"Carl, you've got to let it go!
Gender's just a pair of chromosomes,
So tired of hearin' all your straight problems.
Get triggered if I say gurl hay!
Never heard of sashay away
So tired of hearin' all your straight problems"

Hanging up again, Carl is suddenly lying on his bed with his feet in the air, twirling his hair.

[Pre-Chorus]
And I know she's right and I should not be offended
But still I'm gonna campaign for a Straight Pride
They're talking shite, and their rights should be rescinded,
The gays have gone too far ever since Brookside, ever since Brookside...

[Chorus]
Straight problems, who's got 'em? Look, there's the_truth!
Such struggle, born in a bubble, but not bigotry-proof
Could go and adopt a random child today and I don't really care
I've got worse problems (I still live in mum's basement)
Could get baked a wedding cake today but I don't really care
I've got worse problems (like the First Man of Luxembourg, yeah)

Curiously, a framed photo of Gauthier Destenay is tossed aside by Jebend.

Lights dim for a moment as the bridge begins, and Jebend is on his knees looking towards the heavens.

[Bridge]
What's worse: choosing God above us or biting the pillow?
What's worse is when you discover you're watching 3 brothers on Pornhub
And you're masturbating-bating-bating

You guessed it: Carl Rae Jebend is a closet case and he's been caught spaff-handed by an ordained minister. As the chorus kicks in, they break into a tightly-choreographed routine.

[Chorus]
Straight problems, who's got 'em? Look, there's the_truth!
Such struggle, born in a bubble, but not bigotry-proof
I got choked by rainbow flags today and I don't really care
I've got worse problems (I went and got my dog pregnant)
I got lynched for voting for Theresa May but I don't really care
I've got worse problems (I've run out of Pepe memes, yeah)

Carl rips off his suit and begins to twirl in a rainbow-coloured dress. He lifts his arms in the air and accepts Carly Rae Jepsen as his lord and saviour.

[Outro]
Straight problems, who's got 'em? Look, there's the_truth!
Such struggle, born in a bubble, but not bigotry-proof
Straight problems, who's got 'em? Still hurts to poo
Befuddled, cum-guzzled, just a closet ****...

I've got worse problems (I went and got my dog pregnant)

Originally Posted by Babayaro. (Post 9327946) I'm the suit

Originally Posted by Babayaro. (Post 9327946) I'm the suit

Originally Posted by Babayaro. (Post 9327946) I'm the suit

Originally Posted by MB. (Post 9327954) Technically this also means you have "gay" written all over you, soooo

Originally Posted by MB. (Post 9327954) Technically this also means you have "gay" written all over you, soooo

http://i.imgur.com/bGGM0XX.jpg

Come to Montenegro.
I'd really rather not.
My mummy said you were racist.
Come on, Augustine. Let's go.

http://i.imgur.com/iLpbkgk.png

Originally Posted by MB. (Post 9327963) The signs were all there with the song about Marsh's anteater

Originally Posted by Shaun (Post 9327965) http://i.imgur.com/bGGM0XX.jpg Come to Montenegro. I'd really rather not. My mummy said you were racist. Come on, Augustine. Let's go. http://i.imgur.com/iLpbkgk.png

"Can't Fight The Mods" performed by Selena Vyle.

Originally Posted by MB. (Post 9327963) The signs were all there with the song about Marsh's anteater