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"Yeah, Sia, I love it when you moderate me." Stuart cried. A natural to the pornographic talent - his exploits had earned him the coveted Best Actor with a Leading Pole (i'm sorry.) at the TiBB ****zies for the past 3 years running. His titles and roles included 'Randy Rod' in Big Brother Bumming and 'Josef Fritzl' in Under the Covers.
The fact was, the girls in the wings weren't all gossipping about Stuart's girth any more. A hot new talent had graced the production halls, and his name was Andy. Sure, Stu thought, he was hot enough. And he was well-endowed. And his eyes were a dazzling shade of blue that reminded him of crashing oceans and cool summer breezes...
Enough, Stu thought. Crushes on your coworkers, especially ones you were due to fellate with in the next scene, weren't advised.

Sat in his dressing room, Stu paused and looked around at all of his gifts. Some were from friends, the majority were from fans. One bouquet was rather beautifully decorated with lilies and dildos, reassuring Stu's assertion that his display at the Chelsea Flower Show wasn't remotely 'inappropriate'.
He smoke sporadically. He'd had an argument on his first day at the studios with porn veteran Sia Showers, and his contempt towards her had only intensified as his work went on. He didn't really care what she thought, it was his body he was supposedly damaging, he smiled, and looked down and admired himself in a wall-length mirror opposite the room.

A knock on the door interrupted his narcissistic haze.
"We're beginning filming in ten." Caitlin called, and went down to the other dressing rooms.
Shit...Stu thought. He stubbed out his joint and threw on his velvet-embroidered robe. He always walked around the sets with an air of superiority - it always helped to dispel unwanted attention from the newbies and the perverts. The number of times he'd had to shoo Daren from the caravan set was absurd.

"Okay, we're all here!" Enid declared, and she sat down in a wooden director's chair. Sewed into the back in black cloth was the TiBBlow Me corporate logo.

http://i43.tinypic.com/116qtf7.png

"Right, in scene four we have Stu, Andy and Sia in a spit-roasting sequence." Enid listed, in a tone wholly unsuitable for readers of under the age of 18. "Sia, if you can just mount that there pummel-horse, we'll have Stu taking you from behind."
Stu grimaced. The fact was, Sia was no longer a spring chicken. In fact, the only thing that was springy about her was the very thing that made her famous - performing with her was like flinging a tampon down a hallway.
"Um, Enid?" Andy whined. "Where do I come in?"
"Ah, yes, the new boy. For your first scene you're just going to receive head from Sia. As the script says...you just stand there groaning a lot."
Stu rolled his eyes. Let me do the dirty work, then, since the noob can't read his script properly.
"Why don't we have him like...stood opposite me?" Stu offered, with an invisible lightbulb above his head.
"Sure," Enid replied, "okay, positions everyone."

"Be gentle, will ya?" Sia slurred, "the old girl's a bit sore today."
Stuart shuddered. Andy took his place in front of Sia and she licked her lips furtively.
"GREG!" Enid yelled suddenly, and a nervous-looking man from the sidelines jumped into action. He grabbed a small blue tablet from his suitcase and rushed forward.
"H-here you go" he stammered and rushed back offset.
Andy swallowed the pill and waited for it to take effect. In the meantime Sia and Stu warmed up in a more traditional sense.

It was halfway through the shoot that Stuart made eye-contact with Andy. Sia of course was busy being nose-deep in trousermeat. Upon first glance, Stu felt the world slowing down around him. There were those crashing oceans. He was sure he could feel that summer breeze.
Noticing that he was glazing over, he forced himself to focus. He decided that now was a better time than any to try and make this scene a little more improvised. Reaching forward over Sia, he hooked the back of Andy's head and beckoned him forward. A hint of confusion struck Andy's face, and he raised his eyebrows. Before he could say anything, however, Stu seized the initiative and kissed him.

There was a moment's hesitation - even Sia stopped and looked up, like a child with a lollipop looking up at a hot air balloon - as Andy succumbed. Awestruck, Sia forgot where she was. "Wow..." she gasped.
"Oh for God's sake. CUT!" Enid yelled and tossed her script to the floor. "You're supposed to have TWO men inside you at all times, Sia!"
All of this was background noise to Stu, whose kiss had been cut short and annoyingly so. He looked back at Andy, only to find him getting dressed.
"Where are you going!?" Enid shouted, exasperated.
"I-uh...I need to..." Andy didn't even finish his excuse, as he dashed out of the set in only his jeans.
"Right...well erm...Greg, go speak to Claudia. See if you can get her to get Andy's act together. Stu, Sia, we might as well call it a day, we need him to finish the scene. That's a wrap, guys," she sighed, and picked up her bag and keys.
"Weird," Sia began, "do you think he even goes both ways?" she quipped.
"Well he has to, he knew what he was letting himself in for" opined Greg, who was cleaning up and giving them their clothes.
"True, as a TiBB porn star you have to be open-minded."
"Maybe he was just a bit...freaked out...I mean that was kinda intense," Stu suggested.
"I'll say. I'm wetter than the floor in ASDA after Jonathan Taylor's shoved all of Twilight Twitty's albums into his trolley." Sia 2baha-ed.
"How do you know how to 2baha?" Greg asked, dumbfounded.

Stu left the two discuss their silly emoticons and went back to his dressing room. Tossing the velvet robe to the side, he caught a glimpse of the proposed artwork for Chat and Games and Sodomy. There he was, centre stage as usual. And there was Andy...
"Fuck", he said to no one in particular, "this is going to get messy."

[End of Episode 2.]