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-   -   Mock's awful jokes thread. (https://www.thisisbigbrother.com/forums/showthread.php?t=267994)

Mystic Mock 26-11-2014 08:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by kirklancaster (Post 7392155)
:joker::joker::joker: You're winning the 'Most Awful Jokes' title hands down so far Mock. :hehe:
Thanks Kirk, I do feel that we're all putting in a great effort though.

1. What does Kirklancaster tell Lauren to do with her hair? Platt it.

2. What dating show would my Brother like to go on? The Ex Factor.

3. What do you say to a butcher when you're going out with his Daughter? Nice to meat you.

4. What's the common saying when Fishers catch Fish? The Fish fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

5. How do you feel about Luke? I don't know, but I feel a force within him.

Marsh. 26-11-2014 08:34 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by kirklancaster (Post 7392083)
Kyle, Leathertrumpet and Marsh go spying in Syria for the Military and are caught and taken prisoner by ISIS.

The terrorist boss says "We normally behead twats like you but I'm a big fan of TIBB so I'm going to have you flogged, then I'm going to release you.

That afternoon, all 3 are stripped to the waist and tied to 3 posts with their backs to a huge Muslim holding a vicious looking cat o nine tails whip.

The Muslim goes up to Marsh and says; "The boss says you've got a choice of what you want on your back before I flog you.

Marsh says: "Thanks. Can I have some Savlon please?" So the Muslim rubs loads of Savlon into Marsh's back then flogs him until his back's raw and he passes out.

The Muslim moves to Kyle: "What do you want on your back?"

Kyle says: "Feck off. I'm English. I don't need feck all on my back. Do your worst."

The Muslim flogs Kyle's back until it bleeds but Kyle just sneers at him. Eventually the Muslim gives up, moves to Leathertrumpet, and says: "What do you want on your back".

Leathertrumpet says: "Kyle".

.................................................. ..............................................
:joker:

Fetch The Bolt Cutters 26-11-2014 08:41 PM
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2010/...73_468x286.jpg

Mystic Mock 27-11-2014 12:08 AM
What do people say about your penis? That it should be kept private.

Fetch The Bolt Cutters 27-11-2014 02:28 AM
what :umm2:

kirklancaster 27-11-2014 04:18 AM
Slag Jokes.

What's the difference between Katie Hopkins and Mount Everest?

They know how many men's been up Mt Everest.
.........................

What's the difference between Katie Hopkins and The M1 Motorway?

One knackers your tyres and the other tires your knackers.
.................................

What's the difference between Katie Hopkins and A Cadbury's Creme Egg?

It costs more to lick a Cadbury's Creme Egg out.
................................

What's the difference between Katie Hopkins and a Kit Kat?

You only get 4 fingers in a Kit Kat.

.................................................. ............

What's the difference between Katie Hopkins and A Bucket of Shet?

The bucket.
...............................................

kirklancaster 27-11-2014 04:36 AM
Gay Jokes

What do you call 2 Scottish gays?

Ben Doon and Phil McCavity.
.................................................. .

What do you call 2 Irish gays?

Michael Fitzpatricks and Patrick Fitzmichaels.

.................................................. ......................

What do you call 2 deaf gays?

Anything you want they can't hear you.
.................................................. .........

Two screaming 'Queens' meet on the street.

LuLu says: "Oooh FiFi I haven't seen you in ages. You look brown."

FiFi says: "I know. I've been on a safari holiday to Kenya."

Lulu says: "Ooh you lucky bitch. How did it go".

Fifi says: "How did it go? Don't ask me. The very last day I went for a walk on the edge of the jungle and a 20 stone gorilla jumped on me. He ripped my hotpants off, mounted me and had his wicked way with me for 6 hours."

LuLu says: "Oooh. Was you hurt?"

Fifi says: "Hurt? It's been 3 weeks. He hasn't written, he hasn't phoned."

................................................

Mystic Mock 27-11-2014 04:52 AM
:joker:

1. What do people say about Baltimore? That crime is always on The Wire.

2. What rhymes with cooking? ****ing.

3. Do you know what my problem with golden brown is? It reminds me of The Stranglers.

kirklancaster 27-11-2014 05:09 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scott (Post 7392247)
This may just turn out to be the funniest gag on this thread Scott. :joker:

Kizzy 27-11-2014 05:28 AM
kirk lancaster and LT were sitting on a beach, kirk says 'It's nice out isn't it?'
LT says ' It is... I think I'll get mine out'

kirklancaster 27-11-2014 05:56 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kizzy (Post 7392774)
kirk lancaster and LT were sitting on a beach, kirk says 'It's nice out isn't it?'
LT says ' It is... I think I'll get mine out'
:joker::joker::joker:

A coconut and goldfish for guessing correctly whose was the biggest. :blush:

kirklancaster 27-11-2014 10:02 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Mockinator (Post 7392751)
:joker:

1. What do people say about Baltimore? That crime is always on The Wire.

2. What rhymes with cooking? ****ing.

3. Do you know what my problem with golden brown is? It reminds me of The Stranglers.
:joker: They're getting more awful Mock but we need more - don't let this thread die.

Why do dogs lick their own balls?

Because they can.
...................................

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Why did the pervert cross the road?

He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.

Crimson Dynamo 27-11-2014 10:28 AM
knock knock

kirklancaster 27-11-2014 11:55 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet (Post 7392907)
knock knock
Who's there?

Crimson Dynamo 27-11-2014 12:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by kirklancaster (Post 7392947)
Who's there?
ivdunup

kirklancaster 27-11-2014 02:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet (Post 7392980)
ivdunup
Ivdunup who?

Fetch The Bolt Cutters 27-11-2014 02:53 PM
wtf :umm2:

Crimson Dynamo 27-11-2014 02:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scott (Post 7393132)
wtf :umm2:
:nono:

kirk had a wee accident

Liam- 27-11-2014 02:57 PM
Just when i thought these jokes couldn't get anymore crap :fan:

Daniel. 27-11-2014 03:00 PM
I have a poor gag reflex :(

Niamh. 27-11-2014 03:02 PM
Please don't post **** (pardon the pun) like that, it's disgusting :nono:

Crimson Dynamo 27-11-2014 03:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by kirklancaster (Post 7393102)
Ivdunup who?
say it quickly :joker:

Josy 27-11-2014 03:11 PM
FFS that's primary 1 level LT :bored:

Crimson Dynamo 27-11-2014 03:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Josy (Post 7393164)
FFS that's primary 1 level LT :bored:
yeah coz the thread is filled with Bafa winning stuff...



:idc:

kirklancaster 27-11-2014 03:49 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by LiamPRW (Post 7393141)
Just when i thought these jokes couldn't get anymore crap :fan:
Hey my bonny son - I hope you don't think your old dad's jokes are crap?


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