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#15 George Maple – Champion the Aussies are at it again! if Lizzo was able to distill her inspirational message of self-love down to a single defining lyric, this song does the opposite and gives us two and a half minutes of non-stop motivational energy from start to wig-snatching finish, like some updated-for-2019 version of Britney's Work Bitch. I hear Muhammad Ali listened to this right before he won that historic Celebrity Boxing match against Joey Buttafuoco - are any historians available to confirm? ___________ |
outstanding
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#14 Anna of the North – Used To Be my wig used to be firmly attached to my scalp, but alas, one listen of this song and it is now in orbit p.s. I'm sure Brooke Lynn Hytes is kicking herself that she didn't trademark "of the North" earlier, not least because I'd love to see a bitter legal dispute between a drag queen and an Antony Gormley statue ___________ |
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#13 Steve Lacy – Playground ⚠️ someone-who’s-going-to-be-massive-in-about-two-years-if-the-universe-is-at-all-fair-and-just alert! ⚠️ (by which I mean he is hot) Spoiler: ___________ |
oh that's what he looks like? i forgive him for almost ruining the vampire weekend album, then
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#12 Georgia – About Work the Dancefloor it took a while to take off, but it’s just about beginning to get the recognition it deserves and with any luck it'll have gone stratospheric within a few weeks. but enough about my new wig rofl xD xD xD! this is a very good song, give Georgia lots of money please @ her record label ___________ |
#11 Carly Rae Jepsen – Julien this misses out on the top 10 solely by virtue of not being Run Away With Me! why can’t you be Run Away With Me!? also the title immediately makes me think of Julian Clary, which isn’t a negative per se (for he is a legend amongst men) but it does harsh the otherwise escapist-disco-dream-pop fantasy buzz ever so slightly ___________ |
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oh yeah and here's the top 10
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#10 James Blake (feat. Rosalía) – Barefoot in the Park I semi-accidentally YouTube'd 'Barefoot Contessa' while searching for this link so forgive me if I get carried away at any point https://media1.tenor.com/images/ef5c...a151/tenor.gif anyways I wouldn’t personally recommend ever taking your shoes off in public, even if it does enable you to make references to semi-obscure Jane Fonda films from the ‘60s, not least because bare feet are gross. but you do you I guess James! (the persisting rumours that BB16’s Cristian MJC has recorded a cover called Barefoot in the Shopping Centre have thus far been unsubstantiated) ___________ |
#9 Tyler, the Creator – EARFQUAKE can… can Tyler, the Creator see the future? should I ask him who the next Prime Minister will be (jk I’m not getting any money back from a bet on B*ris) allegations that the appearance of Tracee Ellis Ross in the video substantially boosted the placement of this song cannot be confirmed nor denied at this moment ___________ |
#8 https://66.media.tumblr.com/e0cc96b7...io4_r1_540.gif (welcome back, Katy. we’ve missed you) ___________ |
#7 Maggie Rogers – Burning whew! a pop star! I’m currently burning all my wigs in her honour! **** climate lives! so you see? Burning isn't just the name of a South Korean psychological noir that was criminally overlooked on the awards circuit this year! https://static.rogerebert.com/upload...ing-poster.jpg ___________ |
#6 Tame Impala – Patience depending on your perspective, the concept of Tame Impala represents either a load of white people nonsense or a load of really good white people nonsense, and as you can infer I am in the latter camp (also I could have been really cruel and posted the Take That song instead, so look on the bright side) ___________ |
very much looking forward to Will Young's "All the Songs" landing at #4
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how old does a girl have to be for James Woods to consider her too old to date? answer:
#5 Sharon Van Etten – Seventeen did you see her perform this at Glasto? many more than seventeen wigs were snatched that day! (RIP to them all) ___________ |
#4 Jessie Ware – Adore You seemingly every pop star under the sun churned out three minutes of something vaguely romantic for Valentine’s this year*, but none of them quite hit the spot like this gorgeous lil’ song that is approx. 140% more upbeat than anything else in Jessie Ware's discography It's no Will Young, but few things in this harsh uncaring world are ___________ *seriously, I challenge you to name the single that Years & Years released for Valentine's Day this year without googling it |
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#3 Shura – religion (u can lay your hands on me) [Vivacious from Drag Race voice] SUMMER... HAS ARRIVED ___________ |
#2 Lizzo – Juice I’m not sure what else to say about Lizzo that hasn’t been said, tweeted, thinkpiece’d or shouted at her from the third row of a crowd by a sobbing twink at a festival at this point, other than that 2019 is undoubtedly her year (may she have many more) and that it’s about time we had a pop superstar with a flute almost as famous as she is and yes, let her play the damn sea witch you cowards!!! ___________ |
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So the eagle-eyed among you may have noticed that only seven of the eight artists I promised would reappear have done so... so who have I put at number one? Another Maggie Rogers song? some remix of The Office quotes over a trap beat that Billie Eilish put her name to? something by the *checks notes* Gus Dapperton?... |
...Dolly Parton #1...*fingers crossed tightly over my wig*...
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