Comrade Tatiana fit and raring to go :dance::dance::dance:

ginger beer and binoculars at the ready!!!!!!!!!

Youngsters???????????
 

Scusi?? Youngsters??:conf:

Any way back to virtuality - does anyone need a lift?? Have time , as TOnya special sainsbury agent, to get supplies......


Tuc crackers and red wing 4 me...... anyone else?

This is exemplary work Comrade Annastasia. When you said you would infiltrate RLE I had not envisaged such an act of derring do on your part. This will not be forgotten.

However, it is always wise to discuss these moves beforehand with the expedition leader to avoid any conflict of interest.

Yours is such an ingenious plan I am surprised I did not think of it myself. In fact, I feel sure I must have mentioned it to you in passing. The pity is, that I could have reassigned my pivotal role on the 9th to Red Sonja, freeing me to observe our quarry at close range and in intricate detail over the next 9 working days. I would have been unstinting, I would not have spared myself any exertion, and would have prepared the most intimate and detailed dossier in the history of post cold war intelligence. As you know, my experience in these matters is highly regarded.

Carry out your role well, Comrade Annastacia, but do not jeopardise our mission by becoming to close to him. I will be watching you very closely indeed.

I have to tell you that I fear one of the colleagues you mention may be from the other side. I have received reports of a counter espionage operation, and I fear that Pete may soon be exposed as a undercover journalist from the Sun.


Your devotion to duty and willingness to belittle yourself by donning a femme fatale persona is admirable but unecessary. He will willingly accompany Comrade Svetlana and I to the bus.

Accordingly I must instruct you to continue wearing the striking brown crimplene two peice purchased from Oxfam, and the statutory 100 denier woollen tights and two pairs of flannel knickers at all time. I am also enclosing two prosthetic hairy warts to affix to your nose.

This is for your own benefit, to protect you from the unwanted advances of Geoff, the 'yellow pages' of Basildon.

We have someone on the inside nevertheless. Excellent progress. Remember, sit, watch, record. You will be contacted with further details closer to the glorious day.

Comrades one and all, be of good cheer. Our task is daunting, but strengthen your resolve. If you falter and consider even for a moment that you are not involved in a worthy endeavour, feast your eyes on pages 70-78 of this week's Hello, not forgetting the front cover, and page 41, the contents page.

We must succeed.

He will be ours. The time is approaching Mr Clarke.

Girls, I know that your upset about what happened with me and Paul on the last trip, but it isn't really fair that I can't come on this one!! I can't see my name, or my code name anywhere:bawling::bawling:.

I thought that me telling you all about the Hello thing would help build some bridges. I promise to share him with you all this time.......honest!!!:devil::devil:

Has Grover managed to connect up with you and Bert ?

Oh Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssssse eeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!:bawling::bawling:
Please let me come with you!!:dance:

Hello Comrade! Olga Volga here!

You must excuse the delay, but I am only recently returned from an exacting weekend surveillance mission in that most decadent of cities, Paris.

It was necessary for me to remain incognito at all times, and I had to adopt a great many disguises, but I never let our quarry out of my sight. I commando crawled through the daffodils, I sat stone-like as a fountain nymph, whilst Mr Clarke actually sat on my lap. And yes, I WAS that croissant!

I may never fully recover from the sights I have seen!:blush:

A full report has been submitted should you wish to update yourself.

Now, to your role and identity. We have decided that your name is Nadia. Your role is too secret to reveal here. Please engage your decoder and read the personal column of the Cwmbran Times. You will find details of your mission encrypted between the 'meet a mate' and 'pet corner' sections.

Do not fear Nadia. Our mission would not be the same without you. We feared you had been lost when you failed to answer our messages.

Await further instructions!

Mr Clarke, we will meet again soon :shocked:

Grover has ben in touch again. He is still trying to hook up with Bert and the PI bus. He has received details from his associate back home in New York, the Count, on how to dispell curses. Given recent revelations, that might be an idea.

At least it gives Grover something to do so he feels useful. :dance:

Comrade Sticks

Grover and I have held clandestine meetings and he is well aware of his role in the forthcoming mission. The details are far too sensitive to discuss without encryption. He has been asked not to discuss them with you.

As you have ruled yourself out of proceedings, can I ask that you refrain from your use this thread frequency as you may jam transmissions.

:nono:

I am sure your intentions are admirable, and your support for our cause has been noted. Please go about your mission untroubled by concerns about ours. I have everything under control. I am moving in slowly and stealthily, and he will be mine.....ours, ours I mean!
:hugesmile:

I only hope that Chilledbootz - Nadia, has received her call to service in time to purchase today's Cwmbran Times.

Please confirm Comrade Nadia!

Mr Clarke..............11 days and counting..:shocked:

Soz havent been on this site for a while, could i come? I'm only little :wavey: i could be very useful, Please ?

My apologies comrade Olga. I'm back now have had family here all day.

Affirmative about the Cwmbran Times. Bought several copies...........just to be sure!!!!!!!!:thumbs:

Comrades, the hour approaches, and the time has come to break our silence. It will be tomorrow, Thursday!

Even now, global subversive forces are working to thwart us, and the MSN messenger service has been sabotaged on numerous occasions in the past few days.

Then they took out the server. However, we are back!

You will be relieved to know that top secret meetings have taken place between myself, Agent Svetlana Rolitova (peachy) and the legendary Red Sonja (discolady)

A final top secret summit meeting between myself and Agent Rolitova has been held this week.

We cannot fail.

Let me appraise you of our current status:.

TIBB name BVDT name Specialist area
ROB Olga Minister of Love
Peachy Svetlana Ph D in Ecstacy
Discolady Red Sonja Boa/Lust Dust
Janette Tatiana Ginger beer
Lee Ursula Security
Feefs Ludmilla. Flask

Susieq Valentina Dog Handler
Jodie Petra Wonder Dog
Miriam Natalia To be allocated
Kaz Annastasia Double agent
Blinkinl. Tonya Driver
Abby. Marina To be allocated
BigSister Katerina To be allocated

Chilledb. Nadia To be allocated

SLSara Saskia To be allocated
Monie Mishka Disguise/catering



I think it is now time to address you all, with apologies to WS.

I need hardly remind you colleagues, that you are honoured to be with us in our quest.

We are few in number but do not despair.

Remember, the fewer we are, the greater the share of Paul Clarke.

I would not have one more.

Those who have no stomach for this, let them depart, your visa will be made, and your bus fare home will be given. We do not want your company.

This day will be called the feast of Basildon.

We who outlive the day, and come safe home, will in future stand up on tip-toe when the day is named, and rouse ourselves at the very name of Basildon.

We who survive to see old age will yearly invite round our friends to celebrate, and say ‘Tomorrow is Basildon day’.

Then we will strip off our tops to show the marks and say, ‘These wounds I had at Basildon’.

Old women forget, and all shall one day be forgotten, but we will remember what feats we did that day!

Then shall our names be as familiar as household words,

Olga Volga, Svetlana Rolitova and Red Sonja; Ursula and Natalia, Anastasia, Valentina and Petra the Dog.

We will all be remembered for centuries to come whenever people meet, drink and talk of great deeds.

Our story will be passed down by parent to child, and ‘Basildon day’ will never go by, from this day until the end of the world, without being remembered.

We few, we happy few , we band of sisters.

For she who tomorrow stands with me shall always be my sister, no matter how gross they become.

The memory of this day will make them once again young, and vibrant, and full of life.

People who tomorrow spend the day a-bed shall think themselves accursed they were not there,

And hold their worth to be cheap when any one speaks, 'Who was there with me on Basildon day?'


So, let me remind you all. We will pick up at our pre-designated rendezvous points and amass in the egg packing factory car park (Marked A on your exterior map) at .the appointed time. Two agents (already notified) will be deployed, along with Agent Petra, to unobtrusively perambulate the grassy knoll (marked B) immediately behind RLE HQ (marked C).

Please remember to take binoculars for early sightings of the Audi TT, and a pooper-scooper and bag for Agent Petra’s undercover activities.

As soon as our quarry is sighted, contact will be made by texting the message SGA (sex god alert) to my mobile, which will be, of course, on silent mode.

Agent Rolitova, DTI representative Agent Mark and myself will enter the premises, and communication blackout will be established with immediate effect.

We estimate that is will take us 40 minutes to engage in their capitalist foreplay and to isolate our target. Agent Mark will then stand by whilst firstly I, and then Agent Svetlana, develop a closer working relationship with Paul Clarke in the Stationery cupboard marked D on your office plan.

Agent Annastasia has used her time well and has soundproofed the door with ten layers of bubble wrap and a staple gun. Sad to say, it has since been necessary to remove her from her undercover role and send her back to Minsk.

We were given information that led us to believe her cover was about to be blown by the excessive involuntary drooling she experienced whenever she came within 10 feet of Mr Clarke.

Let me assure you she will be given the very best of care during her time in the Gulag of Good Hope, and her name will be added to the roll of honour.

At approximately 12.00hrs Svetlana and I will unobtrusively walk Mr Clarke to the main entrance on the premise of continuing our meeting in the Dog and Duck in nearby Ramsden Bellhouse. It may be necessary for Svet and I to support him at this stage, due to the intensity of our morning negotiations. Agent Mark will walk close behind to ensure that any grasping of door frames and attempts to brace himself by Mr Clarke do not impede our expeditious exit from RLE. Any tell-tale nail marks scratched along the corridor walls will be removed by Mark with Jif and a J cloth.

Once Mr Clarke has been escorted safely to the bus, we will drive to our secret depot on Canvey Island.

During our journey he will have been revived by ginger beer and sandwiches and will meet the afternoons negotiations with renewed vigour.

At approximately 15.00hrs he will be refreshed by a bracing bed bath by myself, Agent Olga, and Tommy Lee will zap all memory of the day from his mind as we drive back to RLE. As we escort him back to the main entrance, he will remember only a fruitful day of international enterprise. He will make his way home, from there to Barnet and on to Hadley Wood........... where never from Basildon arrived a happier man.

Sorted!

:shocked:
Have just had a disturbing leak from Grimmy's office, (Although Mort seems to think it is his while Death, the Boss is away on sabbatical)

Mort has got very interested in your mission. On a print out of your plans that he managed to hack into. (Mort is trying to bring Death's office into the 21st Century :mad:), was the penciled comment "perfect for an infiltration exercise"

It looks like Mort is going to infiltrate you team for his own evil purposes and to try and exceed his quota. I think he is trying to out do the boss and usurp his position.

One of your team is not who they say they are. Mort has sent a doppleganger in and no wonder dog will be able to discern this one. This Doppleganger is dangerous.

I would normally tell you to abort the mission, but this might tip Mort off that there is a mole near his / Death's office. I think I am being shut out the loop anyway, because I post here, but I do not want to confirm his suspicions

If it means anything during BB2 Mort was always trying to vote out a certain nomination survivor. Death btw supported Helen's campaign and was just as entranced by the romance. :love:

Hopefully I will be able to find out who the doppleganger is from my end. Watch this space :thumbs:

Comrade Sticks. You have cleverly unearthed a double blind constructed by myself. The mission is in hand, do not fear. Encrypted in my posting and publishe in the local newspaers of our agents is the code to combat this. I am therefore re: posting my above instructions as few members have had the opportunity to read them. Can I please ask that you do not post below unless you are a member of the operation. Thankyou for your co-operation.

Comrades, the hour approaches, and the time has come to break our silence. It will be tomorrow, Thursday!

Even now, global subversive forces are working to thwart us, and the MSN messenger service has been sabotaged on numerous occasions in the past few days.

Then they took out the server. However, we are back!

You will be relieved to know that top secret meetings have taken place between myself, Agent Svetlana Rolitova (peachy) and the legendary Red Sonja (discolady)

A final top secret summit meeting between myself and Agent Rolitova has been held this week.

We cannot fail.

Let me appraise you of our current status:.

TIBB name BVDT name Specialist area
ROB Olga Minister of Love
Peachy Svetlana Ph D in Ecstacy
Discolady Red Sonja Boa/Lust Dust
Janette Tatiana Ginger beer
Lee Ursula Security
Feefs Ludmilla. Flask

Susieq Valentina Dog Handler
Jodie Petra Wonder Dog
Miriam Natalia To be allocated
Kaz Annastasia Double agent
Blinkinl. Tonya Driver
Abby. Marina To be allocated
BigSister Katerina To be allocated

Chilledb. Nadia To be allocated

SLSara Saskia To be allocated
Monie Mishka Disguise/catering



I think it is now time to address you all, with apologies to WS.

I need hardly remind you colleagues, that you are honoured to be with us in our quest.

We are few in number but do not despair.

Remember, the fewer we are, the greater the share of Paul Clarke.

I would not have one more.

Those who have no stomach for this, let them depart, your visa will be made, and your bus fare home will be given. We do not want your company.

This day will be called the feast of Basildon.

We who outlive the day, and come safe home, will in future stand up on tip-toe when the day is named, and rouse ourselves at the very name of Basildon.

We who survive to see old age will yearly invite round our friends to celebrate, and say ‘Tomorrow is Basildon day’.

Then we will strip off our tops to show the marks and say, ‘These wounds I had at Basildon’.

Old women forget, and all shall one day be forgotten, but we will remember what feats we did that day!

Then shall our names be as familiar as household words,

Olga Volga, Svetlana Rolitova and Red Sonja; Ursula and Natalia, Anastasia, Valentina and Petra the Dog.

We will all be remembered for centuries to come whenever people meet, drink and talk of great deeds.

Our story will be passed down by parent to child, and ‘Basildon day’ will never go by, from this day until the end of the world, without being remembered.

We few, we happy few , we band of sisters.

For she who tomorrow stands with me shall always be my sister, no matter how gross they become.

The memory of this day will make them once again young, and vibrant, and full of life.

People who tomorrow spend the day a-bed shall think themselves accursed they were not there,

And hold their worth to be cheap when any one speaks, 'Who was there with me on Basildon day?'


So, let me remind you all. We will pick up at our pre-designated rendezvous points and amass in the egg packing factory car park (Marked A on your exterior map) at .the appointed time. Two agents (already notified) will be deployed, along with Agent Petra, to unobtrusively perambulate the grassy knoll (marked B) immediately behind RLE HQ (marked C).

Please remember to take binoculars for early sightings of the Audi TT, and a pooper-scooper and bag for Agent Petra’s undercover activities.

As soon as our quarry is sighted, contact will be made by texting the message SGA (sex god alert) to my mobile, which will be, of course, on silent mode.

Agent Rolitova, DTI representative Agent Mark and myself will enter the premises, and communication blackout will be established with immediate effect.

We estimate that is will take us 40 minutes to engage in their capitalist foreplay and to isolate our target. Agent Mark will then stand by whilst firstly I, and then Agent Svetlana, develop a closer working relationship with Paul Clarke in the Stationery cupboard marked D on your office plan.

Agent Annastasia has used her time well and has soundproofed the door with ten layers of bubble wrap and a staple gun. Sad to say, it has since been necessary to remove her from her undercover role and send her back to Minsk.

We were given information that led us to believe her cover was about to be blown by the excessive involuntary drooling she experienced whenever she came within 10 feet of Mr Clarke.

Let me assure you she will be given the very best of care during her time in the Gulag of Good Hope, and her name will be added to the roll of honour.

At approximately 12.00hrs Svetlana and I will unobtrusively walk Mr Clarke to the main entrance on the premise of continuing our meeting in the Dog and Duck in nearby Ramsden Bellhouse. It may be necessary for Svet and I to support him at this stage, due to the intensity of our morning negotiations. Agent Mark will walk close behind to ensure that any grasping of door frames and attempts to brace himself by Mr Clarke do not impede our expeditious exit from RLE. Any tell-tale nail marks scratched along the corridor walls will be removed by Mark with Jif and a J cloth.

Once Mr Clarke has been escorted safely to the bus, we will drive to our secret depot on Canvey Island.

During our journey he will have been revived by ginger beer and sandwiches and will meet the afternoons negotiations with renewed vigour.

At approximately 15.00hrs he will be refreshed by a bracing bed bath by myself, Agent Olga, and Tommy Lee will zap all memory of the day from his mind as we drive back to RLE. As we escort him back to the main entrance, he will remember only a fruitful day of international enterprise. He will make his way home, from there to Barnet and on to Hadley Wood........... where never from Basildon arrived a happier man.

Sorted!

Agent Ludmilla reporting for duty. The evil corrupting forces of computer thingies have been attempting to sabotage this mission, but I WILL prevail.

I've cleaned my binoculars using one of those fancy brush things, and have my flask on standby. I bought some Kendal mint cake in case we are in need of emergency nourishment. I've even shaved my legs and got my hair cut, so it's GREEN FOR GO!
:thumbs:

Comrade Olga,
Svet speaking. On this St Basildon's Eve, I address you. I am in position and awaiting your instructions to proceed. I have issued Mark with his Jif and J Cloth and his Harry Potter specs. He now looks every inch the DTI delegate and has successfully mastered the art of speaking incessantly while saying absolutely nothing. As we all know this is an essential requirement for any British civil servant. He will keep the managing director bamboozled while you and I make our way to the stationery cupboard with P. C. in tow. Mr Clarke, sleep soundly tonight, you have no idea of the delights which await you in the soundproofed stationery cupboard of love. I have also issued Mark with a paint touch up kit just in case PC makes a final desperate attempt to grip on to the door frame to avoid being frogmarched from the building by Olga and Svet. He may not realise that resistance is useless when faced with our solid strength and determination. We have spent many months in training to build up our strength for this day. We have developed biceps like footballs and thighs like tree trunks especially for this mission. I have girded up my loins as per instructions until I resemble Simon Cowell. Nothing can stop us now.

PS Annastasia has been safely despatched to Minsk aboard a cabin cruiser moored off Inverness.
PPS I fear that we must beware of agent Sticks, I think having a forum of his own elsewhere has made him power crazed. He seems to feel that he now has the power of life or death. This is a worrying development. However, I think we have managed to confuse him sufficiently for now. He must not be allowed to sabotage our troops morale with talk of death and failure.
Farewell for now comrades, tomorrow will be a glorious victory which will undoubtedly be written of whenever the history of women is chronicled! Onward and upward, everyone!

Comrade Olga - Valentina here.

Petra and I are at the ready. Red Sonja and I are meeting at our pre-arranged point and we are 'green for go'. Watches have been synchronised and mobile phones set to vibrate. Petra has had her medication, she has been shampooed and de-fleaed and has been programmed with photos of Comrade Sticks and Mr M (the infamous man from the Scum) - she knows no fear and will serve our cause well.

Our mission is awesome in scope but victory is within our grasp. I have remembered to bring my grandmother's recipe for porridge in case hereto unforseen blonde Welsh personnel attempt to (unwittingly) sabotage our goal. I willingly sacrifice my share in the greater mission by diverting the 'glittery one', as it will be for the greater good - a noble sentiment I'm sure you will agree.

I believe our transport has been decked out in the usual finery; tasteful orange blankets, furry cushions and a game of snakes and ladders - a home from home indeed.

The hot tub has been installed successfully (it is heating up as I write) - a necessity for Mr C's bathing, and there is a plentiful supply of warm white towels for the obligatory rubbing down.

Onwards and upwards Comrades - our cause is just and our passion is undiminished. We will be remembered for this act of selflessness.

See you tomorrow Comrades.

The Glorious 11th - Basildon Debriefing
 

The day dawned comrades, and we were there.

The operation went like clockwork. Not only was our quarry spotted promptly, we had an additional break when our dog-walking duo were able to intercept Mr Clarke's sandwiches as he dropped them getting out of the Audi. Luckily, Petra is not partial to coleslaw and they were able to retrieve them intact, smoothly inserting the edible bug before returning them to him. How pleasantly he thanked them as he tripped and stumbled his way into the building, blissfully unaware of the fate which awaited him.

Consequently we have some fascinating testimony of the brave deeds which were carried out during the morning by the vanguard operatives: namely myself, and Comrades Svetlana and Mark. Shortly after we lured Mr Clarke to the stationery cupboard, transmissions ceased to be received by our mobile communications centre on the bus.

The sandwiches were there on his desk when we left, and had disappeared when he re-emerged into the daylight, blinking and staggering. I can only assume by the tortuous gurglings that immediately preceded the communications blackout that it was probably eaten by big Gary in audit, who is supposed to be on a diet.

This was another fortuitous act, as we were then able to give a feasible reason to MIke, his boss, to remove Mr Clarke to the Dog and Duck for lunch.

Let me surmise: What a glorious day. All our aims were achieved.

I, Olga, was of course, magnificent!

Svetlana was as reliable as ever, and Mark was bumbling and incoherent throughout. Totally convincing as a DTI official. He stood diligent guard outside the stationery cupboard throughout our delicate negotiations. Unswerving in his loyalty, he asked no questions, and facilitated our inconspicuous exit from the premises. His expert spray can actions instantly covered the nail marks scratched along the walls and door frames by a desperate CAD designer in a futile bid to prevent his abduction from the building.

The rest of our brave band was not disappointed by the shaken but plucky show Mr Clarke put up in the confines of the Canvey island Depot. We were able to lavish care and attention on his injuries before we returned him, none the wiser, to his desk.

A glowing report is even now winging his way to his employers, ensuring his promotion and tenure at the company. In short, no-one was left wanting. Helen may have found that Paul was not his usual self last night, but as we have remarked before, he is young and he will quickly mend.

Rest assured, our success has not gone unnoticed comrades. I have high hopes that we will be lavishly rewarded with a four yearly timeshare allocation at a Black Sea resort. For those of us bravely remaining in this decadent country, I may be able to negotiate a week in a luxury mobile home at Golden Sands, Ingoldmells.

To the victor, the spoils!
:hello::colour::hello::colour::hello:

So now this is over, wil you be accompanying Bert and Grover back to New York to effect a rescue and deprogramming of Ernie and Cookie....

There are aspects of this cult seem alarmingly familiar.

They tried to spread some nasty rumours about a Mr B Bird, but they were easily shown to be false. :mad:

Comrade Svet, just reporting in. Sorry I am a little late in filing my report of the glorious day that will be for ever known as Basildon Day, but I've only just got up. For some reason I'm completely shattered. Admittedly, after the Clarke Conquest was over I did indulge by celebrating our victory with copious amounts of vodka and Red Bull. That drink is a capitalist plot to undermine civilisation, if ever there was one! Suffice to say all the troops were outstanding, Red Sonja performed her duties admirably, the dogs were superb and the sandwiches were just what the doctor ordered! Thank you comrades for making two old Russians very content. We couldn't have done it without you and Olg and Svet are happy women,tonight. Mr Clarke has an even more puzzled expression than usual but that will soon fade. We will have memories that will carry us through to our next adventure! Thank you all. You will all receive the Minsk Order of Merit for services rendered, in due course. Right now I'm off back to bed. Although Olga appears ready and willing to do it all over again, I think it may take me a little time to recover, night night, everyone and thanks.

Basildon
 

:dance:Greetings from Boris. Always a late developer TIBB totally passed me by but I am willing and very able to become a 'comrade ' in THE quest. How about it ROB ? Can I join your gang and become a slave to HIM - when he is caught - please:spin2::spin2::spin2: I await the outcome of this request...babe !

Basildon
 

:blush::blush::blush:

MISSED IT............

As usual Boris is tooooooooooooooo late !!!!!!

Fear not new comrade Boris, there are many excitements awaiting you in the strange world which is TiBB. Welcome aboard dear friend.:xyxwave:




:elephant::hello::elephant::hello::elephant::hello ::elephant:

Hi Boris :cat:

Welcome to our mad little band here. :laugh:

You may have missed Basildon, but your name will be put on the list for any further Virtual Missions. :spin2:

:flower:

PS: We're crazy but harmless. :hugesmile:

Hi Boris....

Welcome to TiBB Forum!

Hope you enjoy yourself here - and dont worry we are all a little mad :joker:

Mark :thumbs: