Zoot alors, Kaz, this Paul Clarke, he is a veritable love machine is he not?

As you know, my avator was taken when I allowed the IPS to take a well earned breather during the first Hadley Wood offensive.

I thought at the time I might have taken one too many liberties with even such a fine young specimen as he undoubtedly is.

Oh, how wrong was I? He perked up nicely for Basildon, and in between he's managed to keep Helen feeling loved, cherished and ecstatically happy, been to work, spent weekends in Paris, AND, we are now given to understand, posed for naked photo shoots for you!!!

I say again, what a guy!

Just as well that Floss and Bunty are two ladies more dedicated to flower arranging and swelling the dwindling coffers of the Reading WI, than to making further demands on this indominatable young Adonis. I mean, the sight of PC exercising at the gym would be too much for any of us to cope with.

Hang on, what do you mean Bunty has waxed her top lip and bought a new pleated skirt from Marks's?

What do you mean Floss has changed her surgical pink support tights and corsets for fishnet stockings and a red and black basque?

I'm beginning to be very suspicious about these two.

I'm sure the vicar would not approve.

In the meantime though, we have to trust them I suppose. Keep those questions coming!

the question i'd like to ask paul is:
do you feel spooked knowing that rob knows what brand of toilet paper you use:laugh:

If we must speculate about questions to ask of Mr Clarke.

A "WHEN!!!" comes to mind

but since he partly answered that in Hello, We have to put that off.

Q2
What were you thinking, giving an interview to HELLO, have you not heard of the "Curse of Hello" :nono:

Q3
Did you really throw the match when you went head to head with Helen in the penultimate week.

Hi everyone, Bunty here,

Floss told me about this site and my glamorous and stunningly attractive friend, Peachy, said I could borrow her computer to talk to you all. I never watched Big Brother myself too busy with my good works in the parish. Taking little food parcels round to those less well-off than myself is very time consuming, you know. I’ve been trying to get hold of Floss amost of the week but she seems to have become rather elusive so I thought I’d report on my preparations for the interview on Saturday. Well, as Floss told you I had my moustache touched up and brought myself a new skirt, black-watch Tartan, it is, lovely. I’ve also got myself a nice twin-set in ecru, my OH said it looked beige to him but I said no, the nice lady in Marks’s definitely said it was ecru.

I’m also booked in for a perm tomorrow. Armand, my stylist (as he insists I call him) is a lovely boy, but he does keep trying to make me change my hair. I’ve told him if it’s good enough for Her Majesty it’s good enough for me. So, I’m all set up.

Floss said I could also take the photos and Lee has lent me her digital camera for the purpose. I don’t suppose they’ll be anything like as good as Sticks’ holiday photos but I’ll try.

As for Floss, well she’s taking this interview business very seriously. She booked herself into one of those health farm places for three days of pampering, with full body massages, facials and a bikini wax. I asked her if this was strictly necessary but she insisted it was. I had heck of a job persuading her, that although she did need it, there really wasn't time for liposuction.

Anyway, she got back yesterday so I popped round and do you know what I found her doing? She’d been to Evans and bought herself a pair of extra large denim jeans and there she was with them in the bath, rubbing great splodges of bleach all over them. I don’t know who she’s trying to look like but I also caught sight of a long blonde wig on the dressing table in her bedroom.

She’s gone and hired this motorhome in which to conduct the interview. She's kitted it out with huge cushions, subdued lighting, and has made a shelf all the way round, with big pebbles on. Not only that I've had to traipse round car boot sales looking for a head of buddha to put on the shelf. As if all this wasn't enough she's given me strict instructions that she’s going to ask all the questions and if he wants to give her the answers in private I’m to wait outside, guard the door and ignore any noises that come from inside. What's all that about? I don't understand it. Can anyone tell me why she's behaving like this? :xyxwave:

I can see someone else has been swatting up on her writing skills.
This interview is going to be one of the best stories on this site when it gets written.
I can see you are a threat and that is why you are being made to wait outside.
Get the electric drill out and make some peep holes.:hugesmile::colour::colour::hugesmile:

Oh Bunty, you poor love - it sounds very much to me that your 'friend' Floss is planning to do the dirty on you! :shocked:

Never fear, my dear - just follow these few simple instructions, and Mr Clarke will be like putty in your hands ..................

1. Surprise him with a bootleg DVD of the new Star Wars film.

2. Take a home-made, lovingly prepared fish pie for 2.

3. When Floss makes for the motor home, let her go first. Being a gentleman, Paul will hold open the door for her. Once she's inside, slam the door shut and lock it immediately.

4. Escort Mr Clarke back to your humble little abode, where you can 'interview' him to your heart's content, while eating the pie and watching the DVD.

OK? It's foolproof - nothing can go wrong! Good luck Bunty, dear. :thumbs:

Bunty back again,

Thanks for the advice Kaz, do you really think Floss has got designs on that young man? I was looking at your avatar and I must say he does look rather desirable, and my OH has never been the same since he had his spot of trouble 'down below'.

I'm definitely thinking of putting your plan into action, I've got a nice bit of haddock in the freezer, and my OH always spends Saturdays at his bowling club. The only thing is please let's keep this between ourselves, I don't want Floss to get wind of our little plan, ok? I somehow don't think she'd like it too much, do you? She doesn't ever read these though, does she? All I keep finding is a load of old tosh by someone called ROB.

I am impressed at the at the lengths you willgo to ,to get the better of each otherand the best of PC.:dazzler::dazzler:

What will you give me Bunty to keep Mum and not tell Floss your wicked plan?:devil::devil::devil::devil:

FOUL SLUR!
 

Checking in tonight to see what's afoot, and what does old Floss find?

That Bunty Galore has gone ga-ga!

Casting aspersions about my journalistic integrity by jove! It simply cannot be tolerated! I cannot allow this to happen without defending myself vigorously! I am cut to the quick!

I have not been indulging in luxurious health farm pamperings, good grief no!

I have merely been taking the waters in Harrogate. The woman knows I am a martyr to gout!

Let me tell you, if it had not been for my Sanatogen, I might very well have lost the will to go on!

However, I am, I must admit, replenished, and furthermore a recent trip to my GP has resulted in me being provided with some hormone replacement therapy.

I've never held with such shenanigans myself, but I have to admit that after only a few days, Reg at the Bowls Club is beginning to look mighty fine to me! I will confess that the photographs I have seen of young Mr Clarke have made me dream of days gone by. A fine specimen of a young man indeed!

But I digress, as ever! As to Saturday. Contrary to Bunty's belief, I have no intention of taking Mr Clarke away from the 'Taut and Pert' gymnasium in Barnet. I have secured an exclusive one to one interview with him in the steam room.

It might get a bit opressive in there I imagine, and they they tell me that there is barely room for two, but I am willing to put myself out and go to any lengths in my endeavour to bring you this journalistic coup.

It will be damned testing, but I will not shirk in my duty.

Unfortunately, Bunty will have to guard to the Norton in the carpark. Despite this recent embarassment, she's a game old bird, and as soon as we get her back on the lithium, I'm sure she'll be completely harmless.

It is rather touching to see the lengths she has gone to in her (futile) attempts to improve her appearance. The woman has a face for radio and a body for medical research. Still, give her her due, she tries.

The squint is barely noticeable when she wears the shades, which she invariably does, even in December. She did try the Gabrielle eye patch, but somehow she just couldn't carry it off with sufficient panache. It could be the dowager's hump I suppose, but somehow I found myself invariably reminded of Mrs Overall from Acorn Antiques.............

Still, as I said, the woman tries. No matter what has passed between us, she is still my friend, and as long as she remembers her place in the pecking order, we'll be just fine.


Now, I have a few questions for mr Clarke, but please, if you have a burning issue you would like me to address with him, well, what can I say, I'll try.

Goodness knows, I've got a burning issue or two I'D like to address with him!! :blush::blush::love::love::blush::blush:

:thumbs::thumbs::thumbs::thumbs:

:thumbs::elephant::dance:
I cannot wait for the next installment!!

:blush::bawling::blush::bawling::blush::bawling::e lephant::elephant:
Tt's no good ....Boris is back. Try as he would to protect tje sensibilities of the delectable PC by becoming Borisse, the inner self took over. NATURE MUST OUT>

The gender realignment has reversed. It is every man for himself and

THAT MAN [PC] is for Boris-if he can be persuaded..............enough said.


But back to the present.

I, Boris am here on behalf of my dear friendMaisie. She in turn is a goo friend [at least she was] of the delctable Floss and Bunt...their description not mine and certainly not Maisie's.

She tells me they are 'barking'. I thought she meant 'barking mad' but no,she means 'barking up thwrong tree'.In her opinionFloss and Bubt have no chance whatever of'having it..a..a..awa..'Oh no. I have misread the letter. She says they have no chance in sucededing with either of their wicked plans. The delectable Mr. Clarke will not fall for any subterfuge around a MOBILE HOME.

Now then, she means to come right out with it and invite him to join her in a little excursion. Paris you ask. No indeed. Maisie has booked them into a nice little B+B at Sutton-on-Sea. Separate rooms of course.[She believes in waiting to see what will develop.] I think she will wait a long time !

I must confess. There is a reason to my interference.

Iwill tell Floss of Bubty's plan.

I will rtell Bubty and Floss of Maisie's invitation.

When they are 'cat fighting' with each other, I Boris will slip in and'do my worst' ...or 'best' whicheverway youlook at it !

So there you have it.
By the way O too have noticed the ramblings of 1 called ROB. Is this competition?

And about that Peachy...some say she goes by another name - and Russian at that.

Do you think we should notify Interpol ???:mad::mad::mad:

Hello everyone, it’s Bunty here again, I’m quite getting to like it here. I don’t understand much of what’s going on on this site, but you all seem very nice. I gather that some of you quite liked some TV show or other, and the handsome Mr. Clarke appeared on this show. Floss has explained it all to me but I only half listen to her, between you and me she does ramble on. I just nod and smile, I find that keeps her happy. It’s always best to keep Floss happy, she can be rather, how shall I put it, difficult, if you cross her. As I found out today. I was a little worried about her finding out about the plan which Kaz suggested. Anyway, it’s too late she knows, and she went MAD. I hope it wasn’t any of you who told her?

She’s had, what she calls, ‘a little chat’ with me and she’s told me to explain that my little stories about Floss, or the slanderous allegations as she called them, were just not true and that I’m suffering from the menopause. She’s made me promise that I’ll do exactly what she says from now on or else I can’t come at all. I've promised her I’ll be good.

I’m getting quite excited about it now. Floss says I might come in useful as long as I learn to behave. Actually, I keep looking at the avatar of Kaz’s and getting quite dizzy with excitement. As I told you it’s been a little while since a man got my heart a flutter, so roll on tomorrow. I'll give you a full report as soon as I can but I'll have to wait until Floss's back is turned because she's said I've got to learn to keep my mouth shut.:xyxwave:

Flossy here!

Good Grief!

They are all coming out of the woodwork now. Enough of all this silliness.

Old Bunty is not herself at the moment. Hardly surprising given that her prize rhubarb has got the blight, and it looks like she won't have anything interesting to show to the president of the Horticultural Society next week. I think we all need to be a little patient with her, because after all, the Flower Show has been the highlight of her year since the GI's went home in 1945.

The old girl needs to get out more, and so she will.

The plain facts are that Bunty and I are travelling alone down to London tomorrow morning. We have scheduled our meeting and interview with Mr Clarke, and it will all go off swimmingly.

There will be no mobile homes, no Russians, and certainly no more spurious old ladies who patently are not the genuine article. And let me get one more thing absolutely clear. There will be no more mention of Sutton on Sea! That poor woman is obviously unhinged.


Thank God Bunt and I are made of stronger stuff. Never fear, we will make our intrepid way to Barnet, carry out our task with vim and vigour, and report back pronto! No job too great for us gells!

Must get a jolly good night's sleep now. I've tanked up the Norton, packed the sandwiches and filled my flask.

Tutti Avanti!

Floss Goodboddy, signing out!

:thumbs:

Agreed with monie
 

:elephant:do the BB people see what we get up to on the site????:conf::conf::conf::conf::conf::conf::conf: :conf:

am I forgiven Floss dear ?


you know what us ' boys' can be like:joker:

Now about this 'vim' and vigour'. Are they a new cleaning product that I havn't heard of? I could do with something to remove a nasty stain off my fake suede waistcoat with toggle fastenings. Do you think it will work?I would be just LOST without it..

love to all you luvvies

Boris XXX:love::love::love::love:

Well!

Floss here! Just a quicky to let you know that whilst it didn't go quite to plan, the end result was very satisfactory as far as I'm concerned.

Can't stop, I'm sort of busy, looking at something................

What? The interview?

Oh, yes, if you want to read it, go to: here