Lisa ordered a cappuccino and two almond fingers and took herself over to John James and Josie's table, which was getting a bit full now much to Josie's annoyance as she did not like sharing John James with anyone. She placed her baseball bat close by, as she and John James had decided on a game later or sooner if he carried on the way he was with the BB women and men, and she needed to cart him off out the fire escape exit.

Lisa was practising her I can kill someone with two finger technique on John James Barbie dolls, which had him in tears :bawling: and asking where his mummy was and could he make a phone call to his Mummy in Australia :shocked: Josie picked snot from his nose, pecked him on the cheek and gave him a cuddle. She must remember to go shopping for more short trousers for him next week.

Just then there was an almighty bang as a table was upturned, and an almond cake on it's plate was kicked across the floor. Shabby then jumped on a table shouting and screaming who had nicked her hat :shocked: .............

ha ha, I love the two almond fingers:elephant::elephant::elephant:

It was at this point that commotion turned to utter chaos as Mikey from BB9 arrived being dragged in by a scruffy looking Golden retriever...........no wait thats the long haired one, no it was a yellow lab, looks like this motley hound had not had the proper training and was most likely a litter reject.Poor mikey seemed to have gotten a blind stupid dog rather than a guide dog.

Well in a second the yellow lab was on the almond cake like a fly round a turd, actually the almond cake did by now resemble something you would wipe off your shoe, no maners or ettiquette the mangy mutt devoured the remains of that particular almond cake, poor Mikey was distraught with embarrassment and wondered out loud if he should perhaps take the dog to the vets as it was becoming a bit of a handicap rather than an aid.......

Then in wandered Alex from BB3, clutching a piece of half eaten almond cake that he'd purchased earlier in the day. He slammed it down on the counter and yelled, "Get me the manager now", the cafe fell silent as everyone looked in his direction.

"I bought this almond cake earlier today, and about an hour or so after having a slice I was struck down with a severe case of diarrhea and vomiting. I think it's disgusting! You shouldn't be allowed to serve rubbish like this"

It seemed Pyramid and BabyCakes couldn't even give away the bitter almond cake, so there was no choice but to bin them for good and scrub them from the coffee shop menu. BabyCakes would have to seek out an almond cake recipe which would be worth her talent and the effort to put in for her customers.

The coffee shop had just been expanded with the adjacent vacant shop, and a new area there of little seating booths with a thatched look over each was looking good, it had a big pink and blue bowed ribbon round the area, ready for their Celebrity guest to open it soon. The area would be known as 'The Nest', as it would be a nice enclosed, cosy area for those who might want the more intimate and friendly chats over their coffee.

BabyCakes had been running a competition all week for the ideal cake and also coffee recipe and names for both, of which the winning one of both would then become a permenant fixture on the menu, and freebies of both would be given out to customers the day of the grand opening of The Nest.

Josie was already getting excited at the thought of the free food.

Babycakes purchased some rather tacky commemorative William & Kate china in the hope that it would take the customers mind of the travesty that was the bitter almond cake. "A cup of tea in a William & Catherine souvenir mug Ben" ? she asked as her favourite BB housemate sauntered in fresh from the ITV studios.

It was coming up to the Christmas season, and Pyramid and BabyCakes had been donated the use of the local hall for the week to host a Nativity play in aid of some Chairites, as long as they provided refreshments from their coffee shop for the audience and staff. They agreed to do so, but the hard part was finding some of the live props, like the baby and the Donkey. BabyCakes knew of someone who owned a Donkey they were willing to lend. It was old now, and a bit cranky, cantankerous/temperamental, it also had a bit of a limp so needed careful handling he told her. Oh dear, BabyCakes knew she would be able to handle the Donkey, but wasn't sure about the others in the play, they would have to be careful to play to its moods.

Many BB stars had agreed to be in the play free of charge, Josie had insisted that as she was of farm family stock and would have no trouble with the lame Donkey, that she would be a perfect Virgin Mary, and she would enjoy the rest from laying in bed to sitting on the Donkey. Babycakes wasn't so sure that was a good idea, especially as Josie's one condition on playing the Virgin Mary was that John James be her Joseph. Plus BabyCakes had already decided to offer the role of Joseph, to Ben, and he said he would like Corin or Laura for his Mary.

After all the deliberation it was decided that due to Josie having put on too much weight.....(she had been constantly scoffing the bitter Almond cake like it was going out of fashion) Corin would be Mary alongside Ben.
John James had refused to be Joseph in any case because the promised Donkey turned out to be a rather large Ass......apparently the ass took a liking to him and kept trying to mount him.......and it was female....a bit of a randy mare really, to which he was a wee bit wary.

Anyways Ben was used to having dealt with a few asses in his lifetime and Corin was a far lighter prosect for the sad old Ass, though it did make some extraordinary noises, it sounded like what we may call verbal diarrhoea.

On the first day of rehearsals, the poor old Ass who was lame and a bit wonkey on its feet....sat down, peed a river and started hee hawing like a crazed banshee......what was to be done?.......................

Fun thread;)

It was a bit of a problem, the poor old Ass was not going to budge, its cries were beginning to sound like a roadmans drill, most of the housemates had left as the stupid Ass was braying without mercy and no rehearsels had yet taken place.
Babycakes called for pyramid to come to her assistance, they had tried everything they could to seduce the silly Ass to its feet, but Pyramid was a smart cookie and thought that maybe the Ass wanted its mother.
So the secret she thought lay with finding the Ass's Dam and a quick call to its owner verified that indeed the Ass often found comfort in having her Dam close by.
Trouble was that the Dam and another hinny were currently touring the lanes towing Josies family up to the village to see her in the nativity, thinking she was to be the lead role, Poor silly braying Ass would just have to be hoisted through the rafters, providing they could get a crane in.........

Problem solved - the Champion shot-putter who was wolfing down a triple sized greasy fry up at the corner table was drafted in to deal with the now very distressed Ass. She simply tucked the braying donkey under one arm and wandered off in search of the local petting zoo. The Ass could live happily with the flock of sheep, and the other assorted beasts on Animal Farm.

:laugh2:


Everytime I come to this thread this always makes me chuckle when I scroll down to it. I always forget it's here until I read it.

Would I be correct in believing that the steroid-bound female shot putter was drinking some special malt in order to keep her weight up ... ?

Then she would have to devour some schnitzel and strudel ... lovely hearty Germanic fare ... this cafe really does serve a varied menu ...

:joker: :joker: :joker: :joker: :joker: :xyxwave:

:joker::joker::joker::joker::joker::joker: ;)

No, I think the shot putter might be a Slav.

Pyramid came out of the kitchen, having been brainstorming with Jon Tickle. "We are to have a hog roast in the garden tomorrow night, in order to launch our new Christmas lights. Now who shall we ask to turn them on ?"

Would that be a Slav(e) to Lov(e) by any chance ... ? :devil:

There is nothing like a good old hog to chow down on ... how delicious it will be ... especially the south end of the pig rather than the north ... definitely the most tender and mouthwatering ...

Those Christmas lights are going to be all ablaze around the cafe ... pulling in even more punters than usual ... he he he

:dance: :dance: :dance: :joker: :wavey:

PS Where has that Pyramid got to ... ? Has she been locked in the kitchen devising some yummy new recipes ... I have rather missed her company ... she shouldn't work too hard, should she ... ? :nono:

So hidden sarcasm is the latest "menue" in the nasty Coffee Shoppe :rolleyes:

Walks off as I despise what is served here

The customers felt the chill of a draft of cold air and looked up to see the door swinging hard and, without, the back of a shadowy departing figure. Not knowing who it was, or particularly caring, they returned to their delectation and fun. 'Twasn't everyone's cup of tea, but Elevenpence was developing a discerning reputation for greatness. :wavey:

Hi Malza :xyxwave: No idea what you are refering to :conf: But no matter, just come and have a coffee in the Coffee shop, the more the merrier :) There is a grand opening of the Nest soon, and the nativity play to look forward to :) Ben and Corin being the Stars of that, it should draw a good crowd :cool:

I need coffee, chocolate and anything else containing caffene today. I am in that kind of mood so no funny business otherwise my sharp tounge might be put into place and I am a nice person normally! :devil:

Oh you be careful ... control your nasty ways ... we only want really nice people in this cafe ... we have no time for bitterness ... we soon send it on its way ...

:devil:

We are still waiting for Ben and Corin to show up with a few of their friends ... they are all absolutely divine ... so sweet and so funny and such good company ... Ben has promised to bring along some lovely Swiss chocolate shaped like the alps to remind him of his mother ... he is always so generous in sharing with all his entourage ... come on over and join us as soon as you can get away from work ... let's all pile on in to the Coffee Shoppe for a chocolate fest ... and lots of hugs for Gem to keep her sweet ...

:dance: :dance: :dance: :wavey:

I think I am ok now UV. I have had three Diary Milk's this morning, so slowly calming down :cat:

Are you serious? Really!!!

Its a fun thread, where all are welcome to come in and join in the humour and fun, Are you sure there are not a few housemates you would like to vent your humour on......so many to choose from after 11 series.

I recommend my new Sachertorte, which is made with Lindt seasoned with sea salt, and a hint of hazlenut praline.

Why is that ruddy door open ? It's more than a little draughty and my bloomers have icicles hanging off them:cloud:

OMG was it Voldemort lurking around outside the cafe again ... he despises everything we serve and stand for ... but he just can't help himself, can he?

Was he surrounded by his little gang of Death Eaters ... ? They are a really nasty crew, you know ...

We'll have to try to keep them out ... and just let Ben and Corin and their chocolate loving admirers in for a nice tea time session of fun and frolics ...

Strange creatures of the night have been flouncing around ... in and out of the cafe and upsetting some of the best customers ... what can we do about it ... ?

:devil::devil::devil::devil::devil::devil::devil:

Makes brief entrance, brrrrr, shiver me timbers, it's a bit cold in here right enough.

Plugs in hairdryer and directs warmth up BC's skirt (oh err!!!). Realises I should have requested Mario's services for this job - he always seemed full of hot air.

Thinks back to those lovely Danish Pastries Ulrika brought, in her 4x4, quickly scoffed and sold out, she never did return with any more. :bawling:

Considers German strudels that were on the menu briefly.

Thinks to Swiss chocs, Lindt lovlieness and of hiding places for them lest Josie and her Ass spies them.

Time for some good old hearty Scottish fayre to add to the Contintal mixture. Add Haggis to the menu. Draws picture to show customers. Add's little feet to confuse them. :devil:

Old spooky wife, still trying to get a handle on what that surreal aura culminating in the Psychic Corner is all about, opaque smokey shapes almost looking like human form surround her. Best leave her to it, she's in her own trancelike world trying to connect with the other side.

Considers putting up room dividers around her, or some nice very large plants with lots of foliage.... might be scaring the customers away with her bizarre mumblings. Must have staff meeting to consider whether to eject Spooky Wife.

Glimpses over to Josie's Ass. My goodness....it's a big one isn't it !!!Hopes she will be able to control it in public.

That Ass is back again ? I thought the shot putter had sent it to Animal Farm. That's what happens when disgruntled customers leave the door open. Some people were born in a barn, I tell you. And I have just noticed, someone scoffed the almond fingers :yuk:(creative display by the way Mids) and neglected to pay.

Babycakes gives gratitude to the wonderful Pyramid and thanks her for the suprisingly pleasant warmth in the nether regions - an unconventional solution, but saved her from looking like she was a bejazzled extra on the Only Way is Essex.

I am becoming increasingly concerned by the Spectre in the corner. Please, no, please say it is not......the one who must not be named !!!!!

Please note: Babycakes is not the greatest lover of Haggis, but finds the cute little feet very appealing. Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom.

The daily specials chalkboard now reads "Huge piles of toast - free to all who eat it up with a voracious appetite smear with your favourite topping. Marmite, marmalade or gentlemans relish"

Three rounds with marmalade please. :elephant:

The winner of the new addition to the Coffee shops menu went to Sunshine, she produced a delicious new coffee flavour which she called BenOffee Coffee, which had a lovely but not too overwhelming Caramel taste to it, and it seemed a worthy winner with the customers, and her pie was called BenOffee surprise and was scrumptious. The surprise which worked surprisingly well, were plain crisps as an addition of an extra topping.

Grabs mug of Benoffe Coffee and slice of Benoffee Pie and takes to table to devour.

Realises there might be trouble ahead..... Sunshine is sitting at the next table, has taken the very last packet of crips. Scabby and Keeva wanted that last packet, they don't look too chuffed at all.

Ife who had walked into the shop behind Shabby and Caoimhe, had seen Sunshine eating the last bag of crisps and said she wanted them, Sunshine said that's ok she would share them soon, but Ife could not wait and ordered a coffee with soya milk. No way said Pyramid and BabyCakes, that was specially for Sunshine and a few others who only liked Soya milk, so unless she wanted it ordered in special she would have to stick with regular semi skimmed. Ife was fuming at this, and struted over to have a bi*ch with Mario who was showing off his footie kit he was now wearing, whilst drinking his coffee and dunking his Garibaldi biscuits.

*Escorts Mario off the premises for wearing football colours on the premises and also points him to the sign on the door, which states NO ANIMALS except guide dogs* :nono::nono:

Unceremoniously boots his ass out of the Coffee Shoppe. Chucks his half eaten Garibaldi biscuits in the outside bin, lest there be any animal contamination, given his association to moles. this is a public eatery, can't afford to take chances.

Ife pouts and sits alone.

Shabby starts jumping up and down, gurning and screaming - "I want some crisps" over and over like a spoilt child:bawling:

Opens up door and finds Scabby has left the building - turfed out by the nightshift staff with the words, "No squatting here luv".

Babycakes has prepped everything for the arrival of a new day, even down to filling the table vases with rosemary and lavender cuttings from the garden, leaving me only to refill the coffee pots, she's a wee smasher. :blush:

Grabs a Benoffee Coffee, takes a seat by the window and sits back to await the rest of the world awaking on this lovely fresh Autumn Sunday morning.

:blush:

Pyramid's Benoffee Coffee bliss is shattered when she hears a loud crunch and crash, and sees that Alison has stood on one of the tables, and leaping up and down in ecstacy at being chosen for 'I'm a Celeb', but has broken the table and is now in a heap on the coffee shop floor, legs akimbo and smashed crockey, a vase, Flowers, Coffee, and Almond fingers all around :o 'That, young lady, is going to need paying for said Pyramid', not in the slightest bit amused. Pyramid gets a dustpan and brush, and mop and bucket, and hands them to Alison to clean the mess up.

Alison departs the cafe, having told the owners that there was no way that she could clean up her mess, as she had to interview Javier Bardem & Penelope Cruz on This Morning and was far too important to indulge in domestic duties; she was not your common or garden ex BB housemate you know, she was TV talent.

As her departing car pulled away from the Cafe, Suze lobbed the last of the Almond Cake at the vehicle. "Good riddance" she giggled, although the others were not sure if it was the bitter sponge or the former BB FM that she referred to. However Anthony Hutton, who was disco dancing in the corner, took this as a signal to start a food fight.

*swings door open*

Morning peeps, freezing out there, can I have a cappucino with a choccie muffin please.

Mario enters the cafe, stark bollock naked and does a silly dance around the room. Sadly no one pays him an ounce of attention and he throws a massive strop about how hard he worked to get into the cafe... diddums!