:laugh2:

A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.
Embarrassed, and to spare her young sons' innocence, the mother turns around and says "Don't worry. That was just an insect."
To which one of the boys replies "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."

If I saw an amputee getting hanged, i'd probably just call out random letters.

What do you call an anorexic woman with a yeast infection?





A Quarter pounder with cheese.

A rapist goes to to the forest together with a woman

The woman says: "i'm scared"

The rapist says: "so what? I have to walk back all by myself"

A Woman is like a pack of Cards...

You need a Heart to love her,

You need a Diamond to win her,

You need a Club to smash her head in,

And a Spade to bury the bitch.

:joker:




:nono: bit racist

Police are investigating the bigger picture of Mark Speight's death.

it was sent in by 11 year old Susie from Reading.

Please don't ban me :worry:

iv already re[ported you and so has Morsh



lucky for you Josy is in a Gin fuelled stupor slumped at her desk snoring :nono:

Just you and Morsh? That's alright, no-one listens to either of you anyway :amazed:

:fist:

Jimmy Savile, Stuart Hall and Rolf Harris walk into an Irish bar.

The barman says, "Oh no, not Yewtree again."

:joker: brilliant

What's pink and smells like curry?

John Major's dick.

****in hell Noël's house party has really lost it's family reputation with these gags. What next? Mr Blobby waltzing on stage swinging his d*ck like a night stick?

:joker:

Don't be silly :nono:

Blobby will be too busy taking over from Saville.

why does Miss Piggy douche with sugar and vinegar?

because Kermit's favorite food is sweet & sour pork

A kid goes to see Santa Claus as he wants to give Santa a list on what he wants for Christmas.

The Kid goes: “Please Santa can I have a 1D CD, a Toy Car, and some fresh meat?”

Santa Claus goes: “Don't worry sir Jim'll fix it for you.”

Santa Claus reveals his face, it turns out to be Jimmy's little helper, Rolf Harris.

The Kid screams but nobody can hear him as Rolf gives him some Cola Bottles.

Rolf Harris goes: “Don't you worry child you will get your fresh meat soon, umm ahhh.”

what

A British Airway's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers: "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines." he said, "I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground"

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one."

To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat,

"Well sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you, tray up bitch'

:laugh2:

FKING Disgusting and sick. -- I love it:joker::joker:

You dirty, filthy, sicko, weirdo-- hilarious twat:joker::joker::joker:

:joker:

What did people say when Oslo was getting bombed in 2012? That it was a blast.

What's the difference between virgin olive oil and regular olive oil?

One man says, "I can't believe they are still together after all that crap." The other man says, "Who?" The first man says, "Your butt cheeks."

A koala bear and a hooker go back to her place and they get undressed. The koala bear goes down on the hooker for three hours straight. She has multiple orgasms! After three hours he stops, gets up and puts on his little koala clothes. The woman is hanging back huffing and puffing from exhaustion.

"Oh God, that was great! Now I need my money." The koala bear just looks at her and shrugs.

Then the hooker says, "No, I need my money. I'm a hooker and this is how I make a living."

The koala bear just looks at her and continues to put on his clothes. Then the hooker gets up and runs to the bookshelf, grabs a dictionary and thumbs through it to "hooker." She hands it to the koala bear and it reads:

"HOOKER: person who has sex for money."

Then the koala bear turns the page to "koala bear" and walks out the door. The hooker reads:

"KOALA BEAR: Furry Mammal That Eats Bushes and Leaves."

:joker::joker::joker:

:joker::joker::joker:Too fecking clever for this thread.

:laugh2:

A copper goes into a an off licence and sees the shopkeeper lying on the floor behind the counter giving a 15 year old girl oral sex. The copper nicks him for 'Gross Indecency With A Minor' but at court the shopkeeper gets acquitted. Why?

:joker:

What's green and eats nuts? Syphillis.

Did you hear about the drunk circumcision doctor?

He got the sack.

Yew....:joker: