I guess you're right tbh.

I think that really until you two meet in person you probably shouldn't consider yourselves exclusive anyway, until you know there's some chemistry between you, i don't think you can really know that in a romantic way until you've met the person

She could be saying that for loads of reasons. Maybe she is still in denial. Maybe she is using you as a safety net incase he never goes for it. Maybe she is being honest. IDK. Go with your gut. Best advice in most situations.

Yeah that's very true, i've always had my doubts. We are all sacred of being lonely i guess, and tbh she was probably my 'safety net' here and there (i never really thought that, but on reflection idk)

Ok well thank you for all your advice, i think we're both on the same page, and my gut is telling me everything you've said, even before you said it. It hurts like mad, and i will still clutch at straws, but i know it's true, and im powerless to change any of it. We feel what we feel. That's life. These things happen to millions of people every day.

All this chat/advice has really helped. I still feel awful about it, but i needed some reality from real people, instead of online sites who are ultimately trying to sell you something, even if the advice comes across sound.

Yeah, real advice not online advice.. from real people who are absolutely not also online people who are not really real :D

I know what you mean though

Why did you cancel on her when you were meant to meet?

Yeah you know what im saying :laugh:

Hey, at least that made me smile :D

I wasn't in a very good place, it wasn't actually her though i did have some doubts. I was drinking way too much i didn't know if i could control it when we were going to meet.

She lives 6 hours away, and i was kind of a little daunted by it. Obviously now i'd drive there today to try and make up for it, but i know that's way too irrational, even for me who tends to act on impulse.

I suggest you jump in the car and go. Who knows until they try?

I met up with someone from here 10 years ago, we got a hotel for the night and before I knew it my balls were on here chest as she gave them a quick shave.

We spent 10 years living together after that, still friends now, infact shes my rock tbh..


So yeah, get up and go, until then you will never know what could be.

I actually joked about that Sunday and she freaked out, so that's a big no no i think. More signs!

Just an update on this. Vicky especially, thank you for all the advice. And Vicky you are 100% right in how she is, she's obsessed with this guy, still all over him. I accept this, and im moving on, as from yesterday have gone completely no contact, blocked her everywhere so she can't keep using me as a back up, and stayed away from her social media. I still feel a bit crap, but im feeling much better, and positive it all now :D

Yes you should not be a back up you made the right decisions stay strong

I don't understand

Are you actually dating this person?? :conf:, if yes then it's weird what she's doing.

If you're not official ,then you can't really be annoyed with her, it's a little more tricky . Unless you've had a talk about getting serious with eachother?. I don't know the situation fully .

Good on ya ! never be a doormat for anyone , and beware girls like her always come back , you are worth better and there will be someone new around the corner who i hope treats you as you deserve to be treated.

So she didn’t like it when the shoe was on the other foot….so for her to be doing this to you is totally unfair.
It’s good to have friends of the opposite sex…and it’s great to have a partner that accepts it…however there is a line and it seems like she has over stepped it IMO…

Lol…I should have read the end of the thread….I think you have done the right thing…I hope you are ok :hug:

Thanks Michael

We were dating yes, and she was all over this other guy, 24/7.

Agreed, and thank you!

Thanks Rusty, yeah im doing ok thank you, everything just kinda hit me yesterday and today, and now im actually glad this happened! :laugh:

Oh ok I wasn't sure ,I've just read the rest of this thread .
Well if you were dating then you made the right decision.

It was an internet relationship and they had never met in person.

Finding it hard to see what she has done wrong, you are not together in real life so what is she supposed to do in her freetime not have any hobbies? The attacks on her appearance earlier in the thread were also gross. She sounds like the one better off rid.

Well they were…if you take the time to read the opening thread.

They have never met they are not together.

And trust me I've read the thread multiple times and held my tongue but the reek of misogny really needs calling out.

Clearly not read it properly….

If you're happy to see some poor woman be attacked and painted out to be a bad person because she's dared to give attention to someone that her internet "boyfriend" is jealous of that's on you I guess.

“She’s not what you call pretty” :skull: sounds like she’s better off and did the right thing.

I echo everything what Jordan said. It’s not fair on trying to make her into a bad person when she really hasn’t done anything wrong. You haven’t met so it’s not really a relationship.

It's classic manipulation used against women by their partners to make them not leave them. Sad anyone would defend it.

I didn't realise this :facepalm:

But this is the problem with ' online relationships' , unless you actually take things further then it will always be a cyberspace/ penpal thing . And the other person will likely always find other people to chat to .

Yeah her looks don't need to be brought into this , and swan clearly liked her in the first place .

Having met my wife online, I'm not going to say online relationships are not real, however they're not QUITE real until you're actually together. That just is what it is. And if she was more interested in talking to other people online than you well ... ... I'd say that's a pretty strong indicator that it was never going to be anything more than some online flirtation.

I'm like 99% sure it's a real relationship now, there are some positive signs so far, like living together for 14 years and having two children. We'll see how it goes from here :worry:.

No you've interpreted my point wrong. I was just tryting to look at this from every angle, trying to make sense of it. We have had plenty of conversations in the past where she's told me she's never really received any male attention in her life. So i was thinking, in hope as much as anything, that maybe she doesn't actually want him, she's just enjoying the attention from a good looking guy, as she said herself she's never really had that. However, i realise now it's deeper than that for her, and she genuinely wants this guy. The thing that was getting to me was the fact she's telling me she didn't want him, and that she loves and wants to be with me. But that classic saying "actions speak louder than words" has really come into play here.

And i've not been unreasonable to question her wanting to spend every waking moment with him. I've told her how beautiful she was every single day, i've sent her meaningful gifts. I've been a shoulder for her. I wasn't great to her don't get me wrong, and she wasn't great to me. The relationships was great at times though, but in reflection it wasn't very healthy, and was overall quite toxic. It really did feel real i must add that, we was on the phone 24/7, it was everything real with a relationship, bar the physical side (which granted is a big one).

As for being a misogynist, no lol. I was raised by my mum, had a female counsellor throughout my teens, a couple of female Doctors who have been good to me. I trust women, i gravitate a lot more towards women. The only man i've ever trusted is my Granddad.

I can't say I disagree with Jordan and Luke's points about your comments on her appearance, it did read like you thought she should think herself lucky that you're interested in her because she's not very attractive and no one else would be. It's a bit strange to say on the one hand you think she's gorgeous but on the other she's not physically attractive

Nah trust me, if it read like that i apologise, it wasn't meant to come across like that. I was just trying to make sense of the whole "i love and want you, i don't want him" yet spends every waking moment with him. And i can assure i don't have anywhere near a high enough opinion of myself to ever think like that, with anyone.

I thought you met your wife at Uni?

You need to actually meet to see there's physical chemistry there imo

Is it weird that I am more curious about the logistics of this than anything else in the post :suspect:

Yeah sounded that way tbh. And glad you are feeling positive too. Recently got 'out' of a kinda similar situation where I think I was being used as a backup by someone WHO ALREADY HAD A GIRLFRIEND TOO and I was getting a little too focussed on him tbh. Was meant to be a friends with benefits type situation but it didn't quite work out that way. Was quite a head****.

All this said, on Friday when he turns up to get wrecked with me when the kids are at Gavins, I imagine things will change again. But who cares really.

(I am aware this post makes me sound a total bitch also)

Edit. Also agree with the attacks on her appearance thing though and think you are better off without each other really.

Do you moderate whilst wrecked vicky?

For sure. I can imagine a situation where I met someone from online and it was all flat as a pancake and its slightly terrifying but exiting at the same time. :whistle:

Edit. Though no physical chemistry is needed in my imagined situation of course. We are not planning an orgy :D