It’s not about the age of the older partner, nor is it about the size of the gap, it’s purely about the age of the younger partner.

If a 30 year old woman wants to marry a 70 year old man - for whatever reason - then while I’d find that unusual it’s not “creepy” and nor would it be strange for them to have things in common.

That’s a 40 year age gap.

If a 45 year old man is hooking up with 18 year old girls then yes it is massively questionable and creepy.

That’s a 27 year age gap. A full 13 years less than the above example - and yet, a totally different scenario.

Much older women with boys in their late teens and early 20’s are not seen as “liberated goddesses” they’re plastered across the front page of The Star as a joke. What world are you living in? The plot of a zesty television serial?

This idea that legality = morality comes up quite frequently on this forum. Where are people getting that idea? They barely intersect and when they do it’s happenstance not by design.

Also the idea that it’s “illegal” to find large age gaps with a very young younger partner to be creepy is a bit out there :joker:. I assume you know it’s not illegal and are just ranting.

i am making the point of the agism that exists on this forum. If I had made the same comment about an ethnic minority, i would have been hounded off the forum

Do you have any links for the front page splashes where a 40 plus woman has been sleeping with an 18 yr old?

Exactly. An 18 year old is a teenager, still a child in a lot of ways, especially emotionally. Like I said my daughter was still in school at that age (your College is just the last 2 years of secondary school here) My son is 17 and he will still be in school at 18, if he came home with a 50 year old woman I would be very angry with that woman and seriously questioning her interest in -imo- a child. I would not be happy about that.

Of course I'd still have a lot of concerns about it if he were 30 and came home with a 62 year old such as him being able to have children, would he end up being a carer at a young age etc but not concerns that he was being taking advantage of or not emotionally capable for the relationship. There's a huge difference between the two even though the age gap would be the same

People are really not understanding the issue here. This is out and out age discrimination. In the same way that you can't say an entire ethnic group are rapists or murders, you cannot say all people over a certain age are creepy perverts. Suggesting that an older person cannot be friends with someone younger is not only criminally insulting to that demographic it quite frankly an obscene restriction on the freedoms of what an older person can or cannot do.

That is my last words in this thread, but, honestly, i expected better

@niamh and toy soldier

What would your reaction be if your daughters do bring and older man home?

You can’t stop them from seeing an older person if that’s what they choose

Why is ok for you to call and 18 year old a child and yet at that age they can join the army and be killed.

My 17 (nearly 18 year old) is still very much a child to me. I wouldn't want him to join the Army either so not sure what your point there is? I already said up thread at least twice what my reaction would be

My point is not all 18 year olds are the same or classed as children
I haven’t read every post but at the end of the day it’s not the parents that get to say who their offspring choose to date.

It doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman, it's still a big age gap and still weird. But as I said each to their own if it's a genuine relationship.

I know what you're saying though ,and sometimes there is a double standard and the guy is called a " creep " and usually the woman is seen as a "cougar" and it's laughed about . But some older women still get judged for dating younger men anyway .

Imo an 18 year old is still young and immature , they're usually naive. Can any of us say we had the same level of maturity when we were 18 ? as we do now ?. Obviously I know everyone is different though.

Well I kind of do when they're still in school and under my roof. .

Plus you question the intentions of the much older person , like I said most the time it's about sex and money.

You can't "stop" them but you can have an open and frank conversation with them, and you can watch that man like a hawk to ensure that she hasn't gotten herself into a bad situation. I very rarely "stop" my daughter from doing anything at all (within reason) but I do talk to her openly about the world, and people, and encourage her to think things through properly. So no I wouldn't "forbid" her from doing it - but I would tell her that I find the motivations and mindset of that older man to be suspect (and creepy).

That is horrendous as well, the fact that we still send teenagers off as soldiers is not "OK" at all for me.

I reckon there's a tiny minority of genuine love affairs between the very young and the very old and the rest is made up of young people attracted to money and power and old people attracted by youth and beauty.

My dad (who is 65+) is married to someone who is in her early 40's, they met when he was about 60 and she was in her mid 30's ... I have to admit I find it a little odd in the sense of ... why on earth is she attracted to my dad who is neither rich nor "young for his age" - he's genuinely pushing "little old man" status at this point. I mean, he's not poor, but he retired in his late 50's and is well into his pension pot already :joker:. Plus she's on about £50k herself and has no kids so it's not about that :think:.

So yeah. I don't really "get it" and it's odd that someone who is technically my "stepmother" is basically the same age as my sister :laugh: ... but I don't find their relationship creepy ... because again, it's not about the GAP so much as the AGE. Someone pushing 40 clearly knows what they're doing. Even over about 25, I'd still find it pretty strange, but there's a pretty big difference between a 25 year old and an 18 year old. I would genuinely always worry about the motivations of a GROWN UP adult (anyone over about 30) getting into a relationship with an 18 year old just out of school. It just feels like a huge imbalance in terms of life experience, and that sadly often ends up being controlling, and I think that's probably a large part of the appeal for many of these older partners.

Under the age of 18 you have a little bit of leverage but that I think, not while you are living under my roof is an outdated way of dealing with things.

Ts has a much better approach

It's worked pretty well for me so far and my two are almost grown so thanks for the advise but I'll stick with my own way :thumbs:

Just imagine if someone chages there parenting skills just because they read it on a forum :laugh:

:laugh:

For me age is just a number.

As long as both are of a legal age and they both want to be together and are happy.
Why delay happiness.

Celebrities marry much younger people.

Often much more than 22 years between them too.

I do understand it can seem creepy or perhaps even unacceptable however too.

Personally I see no issue if they're happy.

I wasn’t giving you advice

There is more of a chance of that happening than anyone believing anything you post

Maybe she's playing the long game and wants YOU!

I agree tbh

Infact found it creepy when an 18 year old hit on me not long ago. Yet I seem fine with 24. I think its just the age of the younger one thats a bit iffy tbh. Each to their own I guess but I couldn't do it.

https://external-content.duckduckgo....gif&f=1&nofb=1

Maybe

I disagree with most on here.

If they are both happy then so be it.

Who am I to disagree in something that doesn't concern me. They are both legal and as long as there's no element of grooming, coercion then good luck to them.

Whether it's creepy just because I don't agree with it, I don't know.

We all choose to live our lives how we see fit. Love is love.

Agreed and I agree with your other post which was well articulated.

Deleted

I can look at it from two different angles.

When I was 21 I was with a guy a lot older than me for a good few years. He was very young minded and was far more laid back than I was. My folks were ok with it as he seemed younger and calmed me down a lot. If they hadn't have been ok with it, they would have just had to deal with it as it was my life etc.

Now, on the other hand if my son brought home someone who was a lot older than him when he was 18.....I'm not too sure how I would deal with that.

Tldr.....I think its ok until it directly affects me then I might feel differently :laugh:

It's not as clear cut as that because when a child reaches a certain age, 16+ the rights of parental responsibility diminish...18+ not at all.

With all due respect Thomas, you don't have kids (yet?) You may think differently then

[emoji1][emoji102]

It is in my house [emoji14] thankfully my kids are angels though [emoji1]

Yeah maybe.

I don't know if I would be happy with the decision, but I'd just want them to be happy.

I do want my kids to be happy but also safe and not taken advantage of

That’s my thoughts on it too, which is why I say it’s about the age of the younger partner rather than the actual “gap”. Of course people can ALWAYS be taken advantage of but I’d be fairly confident that a 30+ year old knows what they’re doing as much as they ever will… a young person in their late teens and early 20’s is just too likely to be easily manipulated by a much older person with vastly more world experience for me to be comfortable with it. I struggle to see how a 50 year old can see a 20 year old as anything but a kid, if I can’t at 36.

I think unless it’s something that’s personally affecting you it’s not really anyones place to be judging them.

Jack Dee says 50 year old man marrying a 18 year old Girl is Creepy
 

That’s Hyperindividualism; we live in a society. Established societal norms affect everyone.

Yeah and I don't doubt that for one second hence my original post about it being for the right reasons.

I suppose as good as the relationship could and can be, some parents aren't going to get over that drastic gap.

Yeah and it's not even the age gap as such, as TS said, it's the age of the younger person in the particular situation we're discussing, the same age gap between a 30 year old and a 62 year old, is completely different