I’d cook for them. And see what provisions I had for them as I have done before.

I’d also point them to places which could help them long-term.

But a friend with weed is better :dance:

Its good you trust people but be careful with that. You'd be surprised what people will do to get their hands on a few quid. More like stunned

I am very confused Kate, so you lent her 25 quid, then she gave you a tenner to treat yourself and the argument started over what exactly? Are you sure you didn't all have too many vinos :laugh:

sorry are we all just believing spooon fed data?

lol

come on people

This. :clap1:

This is why I don’t lend/ give out money. Just ends up getting you into messy situations.

It’s not about trusting the whole world but just knowing and accepting that anyone can fall into hard times financially (a pretty universal human experience). I’m more inclined to want to do something about it so long as boundaries are respected and I can comfortably spare the amount they need. People being in need is no myth.

…:love:…

…long term help that will maybe lead to that person not having consider a loan etc is the most valuable help …

Yeah not a loan or credit card haha.

Anyway. I guess everyone has their own boundaries and principles about money. Me, my social boundaries are tighter than my financial ones and not being able to give is more indicative of lack of disposable funds on my part than an unwillingness to give or worry that I’m being duped over. That’s a risk that I take when I can afford to. At the end of the day everyone needs money, and people do struggle.

…I’m sure that it’s appreciated that you can help in that way, Redway…but there isn’t just one way to help someone if/when they need it and Ben’s way and the way of others may be different… because it’s not always only about a ‘problem or need’ now and the solving of it but to try to help them going forward with their lives as well…

Family, i would lend/give to in an instant if i could help, but no-one else. There are just too many scammers out there that take advantage of well meaning people and they can be very convincing

You seem like a great guy and a true friend. I really like the threads you create too :joker: I'm just saying, due to the job I have, I dont advice anyone to give a loan unless they truly trust the person and can set boundaries, if necessary.

One basic rule anyone would do good to follow is to not loan it out if you can’t afford to part without indefinitely. It’s just about being cautious about how reliable the person you’re lending money is if it’s a sum you’re expecting to get back. My main issue on this thread is people extrapolating from this example that lending money is inherently a disaster. It can be but to me it’s just different with family and friends you’ve known for years. Those people aren’t suddenly non-genuine should they need to ask for money just because of a few rotten apples who take the piss. Giving money directly might not be your preferred way of helping people financially and that’s fine but should the waters really be muddled off the bat with loved ones because of the acts of certain people?

The trouble is you won’t really know how reliable this person is until you do it. It leaves a very bitter taste if it does happen (which I genuinely hope you don’t ever experience).

Also, I’m not saying people aren’t in need, but I try other ways to help. If somebody is constantly needing to borrow money then they need bigger help than I can provide (hence why I’d point them to places who will be able to help them long term).

…that’s very wise advice and something to live by …my dad always said similar…if someone needs to loan money then they may struggle to pay it back so never loan…only ever give…

Okay, that’s true. That’s part of what I was talking about re. boundaries. It might be the boundary of not having to ask for money directly too often, because that can be a pain, whether you want to help them out like that or not.

Yeah. And to be fair Ben does have a point about not knowing how reliable at least certain people are until you become a lender. I’m still inclined to want to bank on the reliability of family and solid friends (I wasn’t really talking about random acquaintances anyway). It’s just unfortunate that unreliable people leave a bad rep. behind for everyone-else.

You answer the question as to why we're weary of lending money., There are too many variables with lending money that cannot be anticipated. The trustworthiness of the person, your own affordability etc. its a can of worms that should not be opened and can severely impact relationships.

Of course. I’m not going to tell you that you shouldn’t lend somebody money if you want to. It’s a kind act. I just hope people don’t betray your kind act. It changes your future mind set on it all.

This. Signpost them to people who can give long term help. A loan only means they now owe you as well as all the others.

I’m assuming affordability. If you haven’t got it to spare, that’s that. Not taking no for an answer is obviously a major red-flag. It’s not something you can be bullied into.

If it’s a can of worms you want to open and you always get it back from the person when you’ve made it clear that it really is a loan and not a free gift, that’s on you and fair enough. I wouldn’t say no to it, but obviously I haven’t been screwed over yet. Maybe I would be singing from a different hymn-sheet otherwise. And I have been duped to be fair. Just not by anyone I’d consider an amicable relationship in any case. I took a major risk and it backfired.

…yeah, I think Ben also has some very sound and good advice because it isn’t just a ‘one fix’ thing and loaning money for instance…?…can provide like a ‘plaster’ type fix in a moment but still might leave lots of other things that could be addressed for lifestyle changes so that it’s not such a struggle for that person…?…those are the things that he’s suggesting also that he adopts as looking at different layers of a situation when someone needs help…

I'm going to guess that the woman is friends with the Landlord of the Pub, hence the refusal to listen to Kate's side of the story.

I’d honestly write a letter. Slam it on her table and leave it with her. Title on envelope: your friend’s a lying gobsh*te.

I would probably do something similar tbh.:laugh:

But I get that Kate might want to try and move on, which is a valid choice tbf.

It's not selfish not to hand over money that's ridiculous to say. What is selfish however, is going cap in hand expecting people to bail you out due to your own incompetence

People fall on hard times without being incompetent all the time. Don’t judge indiscriminately when you don’t know individual people’s circumstances.

Perhaps take a leaf out of that book when you are calling people selfish for not giving hand outs.:smug:

I've spoken with Citizens Advice and they said I have a case, they are going to recommend me a legal aid solicitor. I'm seriously thinking about it.

A case for what?

…well done, Kate…it’s good to channel focus into being pro-active…I don’t know what the case would be but just take some ‘cooling down time’ also and ask enough questions to be aware of what it all involves and be sure that’s the direction that you’re happy to go in…it’s all your decision…

Getting barred oot the Clansman for illegal payday loans of course!

https://cdn.prod.website-files.com/6...chell%2002.jpg

Yeah I have to consider whether I really want to put myself through the stress, but I do feel very strongly about the injustice.of it all.

…yeah, I do get that…it’s good to step back from the heat of those feelings, though and take some time to think it through and talk it through with someone who can advise you accurately what involvement it will have for you…it’s your decision as to whether it’s an injustice you want to pursue legally or leave or not…

A pub doesn't need to provide any reasons to bar you and unless the money thing has written documentation detailing the loan, there is no case. Also, any legal action will cost more than the amount you are talking about

X2

Kate, there is no case here. What did the CAB say?

I agree with you Benjamin, and unfortunately it looks like this bingo lady has issues....if she can twist things around like that & blatantly lie and cry like that.


In certain situations,I think it's best to be on the safe side and not always part with your cash. It definitely can muddy the waters .

They said there was because I hadn't been allowed to give my side of the story. They said I'd have been within my rights to get the police. It was her word against mine. I've already explained earlier in the thread that she gave me the money as a thank you and I did not ask to borrow it. She's a bare faced liar. I hate that. She turned on the waterworks and made me look extremely bad. Some friend she turned out to be.

Awful friend. Drop her