ENTER BEYONCE, as per SuperBowl, with all the fire and stuff, and the intro to Run the World

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the Major Lazery bit starts and Bey kicks a homeless person in her way, grunting the first 'GIRLS' before she is joined by the clones of herself on the screens

she struts a bit and a couple of flames shoot out of the floor and she basically does the Billboard performance all over again with the weird interactive screen

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ENTER JAY-Z, who does his usual black thing, and is like "yeah yeah uh" and Bey is like "WELCOME MY HUSBAND" and a few fans scream and he starts doing the rap from Crazy in Love

Bey does the dance for a bit (INCLUDING ICONIC *LICK MY FINGER DOWN THE BREASTS* MOVE) and finishes the song as Jay-Z disappears through a trap door

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RAIN FALLS as Beyonce is lying in a sweaty mess on the floor, and the stage transforms into a tropical island. Layers of Beyonce's clothing fall off, and Kelly and Michelle then do their spring-trap-door-appearancey thing as the strings start

DESTINY'S CHILD PERFORM SURVIVOR, FOLLOWED BY BOOTYLICIOUS, LOSE MY BREATH AND INDEPENDENT WOMEN (PART 2)

Kelly starts to incorporate lyrics from Commander into Independent Women (Part 2) as Michelle falls over, and Bey just pushes them into the crowd where they are torn apart like Apple Stores on an iPhone 6 launch day

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"NOW I HEAR YALL THINK I'M IN THE ILLUMINATI", Beyonce laughs out of breath, shaking her ass a bit. "BUT WHAT YALL DON'T REALISE IS THAT I ROLL WIT THE FREEMASONS"

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ENTER THE FREEMASONS (no one knows what they look like so they shall be replaced by RuPaul and Miss Piggy behind a DJ booth)

BEYONCE DOES A MEDLEY OF FREEMASONS REMIXES OF 'RING THE ALARM', 'DEJA VU', 'GREEN LIGHT' and is generally very dancey and fierce BEFORE

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ay~ay~ay~ yo amigos i am shakira haha i no lying

"DAMN RIGHT GURL" Bey snatches her from her perch (Shakira is dressed like a parrot) and they writhe together a bit singing 'Beautiful Liar' (the Freemasons Remix obvs) and eventually collapse in a pile of steam

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THE FREEMASONS AND SHAKIRA HAVE GONE

SO HAS BEYONCE

BUT WAIT???

A HOODED FIGURE AT THE BACK OF THE STAGE IS MARCHING A LINE OF SOLDIERS TO THE FRONT???

SHE LIFTS OFF HER HOOD, IT'S BEYONCE, OMG

Beyonce sings Countdown and kicks a football through the goals either end of the pitch (it flies once around the Earth inbetween them), before she suddenly reveals she's pregnant again and begins singing Love On Top as a crowd of pregnant celebrities appear on stage rubbing their bellies

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after only 3 celebrity miscarriages, Beyonce waves at the crowd as if to say goodbye BUT WAIT IT'S THE WAVE FROM SINGLE LADIES

ALL THE SINGLE LADIES

about 200 female dancers come on and do that dance as Beyonce sings just 3 of the lines

AFTER THE LAST CHORUS, Beyonce bursts into a little ballad mash-up of Halo and I Was Here, before the stage totally catches fire and she ascends to the sky, finally kissing us off with something like "GOOD NIGHT, SUPER BOWL"