Is it me or does Alexander Meerkat's friend call Nicole Kidman "silly hoe" before Meerkat decides who to take to cinema?:laugh:



0:07

Heh lets depress the **** out of everyone eh...

Whats on my mind...I am thinking how I cannot even afford to pay the photographer at my wedding in 2 weeks. I can't afford my rent this month. I am in such bad pain that I have taken 8 dihydrocodeine tablets to try and sort it, which has dulled it slightly but made me feel slightly high, and not in a good way, in a sickly way. My kids are taking the piss out of me as I am ill so they have screamed all damn day. My sister is currently at a spa with my mother...the spa that I wanted to go to for my hen night (would have been tonight) but noone could afford it apparently, then as soon as I said it didnt matter the pair of them went and booked for themselves. Oh, and my mothers not even bothering herself to come to me bastard wedding either..as she booked a weekend in skegness at the same time and doesn't want to lose the 70 pound she paid. Add this to the bridesmaids dresses I bought being far too small so another hundred quid down the toilet. The wedding dress I bought despite giving measurements did not fit, so another 200 there and no returns...hence being so skint now as everything needed replaced. Honestly, if I didn't have the kids to think about I would go and finish the entire box of painkillers I have in the kitchen right now and just be ****ing done with it

Yeah, random thoughts, fantastic.

....well that escalated quickly...ok, slow it down Vicky, your pain is probably particularly bad today because of your stress and the children are probably fractious today for the same reason, they're connecting to your stress/picking up on it, so are feeling unsettled themselves...no more dihydrocodeine, I think...codeine is the worst thing for nausea and your body is telling you no more by the fact that you're feeling ill now...if they haven't worked yet to take the pain away..(I don't know what your maximum daily dose is..)...then they're not going to work so just no more ...your mum and sister are at a spa, which you were meant to be at as well...I know that really sucks Vicky but they're there/that's their decision and it's not going to change, you have your wedding in two weeks to focus on so don't let their choice and where they are distract you from that...maybe you don't need to pay a photographer, professional photographs can be achieved so easily with ordinary photos/finishing touches etc so maybe someone else/a friend could take the pics...your dress is ok now, so a huge pain that it cost you more but if there was nothing you could do about that either, then you do have your dress now so you don't have to worry about that...your mum, well...if she's going to miss your day to go on holiday, then that's the decision she's made and it's not something you're happy about but it still isn't going to spoil your day, the only thing that would spoil your day would be if the groom went to Skegness instead of coming....

...ok, you have your rent to pay so it's something that you'll have to sit down and think about/if there's a solution/a delay etc that could happen...but just breathe in/out slowly and slow down, sit down....

I was doing ok but Vicky has now made me depressed. Joking. I feel for you Vicky and i hope the wedding goes well inspite of those problems. As for me? well i too am on painkillers and I don't like taking anykind of meds but these morphin tablets are a god send.
I'm popping them in like they are smarties. Oh no I'm now thinking of smarties.

Everything you say is right ammi..I just kinda needed to let that all out somewhere as I dont wanna take all of my stress out on the kids or gavin and sorry it ended up here :laugh:

I am so pissed off. I was due nearly 2 grand this week of sickness benefits that they have been withholding from me due to ATOS/maximus curing me overnight a month before I nearly died, and now they have proof that I am actually ill I was told I would get it this week backdated and the proper award given to me from now until next year (when I really hope to be better..god), but now apparently the DWP are looking into appealing it AGAIN despite having all of the proof they needed earlier. literally mountains of paperwork proving that I live each day in a haze of various painkillers and cant even get out of bed some days due to the pain I have been left in by the messed up operation I got that was meant to fix me :bored: This 2 grand was meant to pay for a hell of a lot of stuff, including the rent arrears I am now in for my 'spare' bedroom that is anything but...we have to have a double mattress in the sitting room on a weekend as we don't have enough bedrooms ffs. And yeah, the food, cake, photographer and spending money for the honeymoon..along with clearing said rent arrears.. was all meant to be coming from this money I was promised I would get, which is now being withheld yet again. Its just too much. I can't deal with it anymore, especially with the bloody pain near 24/7 too. Seems the whole world is against me recently, and I don't know what I have done to deserve it all, I really don't.

Also I cannot cancel the honeymoon and get the cash to pay rent arrears as 1. I didnt pay for it and 2. Everything would be lost now anyway from cancelling as its too late, plus would have to pay 240 quid to cancel it D:

...I think that the last thing you should be thinking about anyway Vicky, is cancelling the honeymoon...when you start to prioritise, that's definitely a necessity for you right now and good that it is happening/that it can't be cancelled because not going would only make it all worse/make you feel worse...you need that break, you need some time away...the rent etc will get paid, it will have to wait/they will have to wait just as you're being made to wait and they won't have any choice just as you don't have any choice...it'll probably need some working out/talking to people etc, but that all can be done, one bit at a time...make a list and only deal with one thing at a time, put everything else on the list out of your head and take it a step at a time....

I explained all of this to the council already, and as they can see the DWP systems they must know I am telling the truth but they reckon its not their problem and that I shouldn't be in arrears to start with, which is fair comment I guess but its still not entirely my fault that I have had a reduced income for months due to the miracle workers at my fit for work test...ugh. Its just getting ontop of me right now. I know I am being irrational and OTT and way too emotional. I should be fine tomorrow,m shouldnt have brought this up on here really :S Thanks ammi :hug:

Well a very important day for you is coming up and you have some difficulties i am glad you are talking about your worries here, we are all here for you :)

Oh my god Vicky hug for you. You're going through so much right now. I hope everything works out for you. Please don't stress too much. We all need to let it out sometimes it honestly helps. I am going through so much right now too and I actually fought real hard this morning on the tube not to break down and cry. I kept looking up to stop the tears but literally as soon as the doors opened and I got out, I balled like I never balled before. I'm talking ugly cry, sounds and sniffles. I hid my face in the corner so people kind of looked my way and wondered what was happening as they passed. When I was done I was able to tell myself right, you've had your cry now get yourself together and soldier on.


Everything will be alright!! Hope the DWP get their ish together.

no, you're not being irrational Vicky...you're someone who has been planning her wedding for months and with only two weeks to go, completely exhausted with stress...even without anything else going on, that would be perfectly normal and how most people would be...but you haven't been well, have two small children, had all of the complications to your health which were beyond your control and where people are responsible and the ongoing frustrations with that...they'll have to wait for your rent or maybe agree to pay what you can, however small...the Citizen's Advice could help with that, maybe..?...that will all be sorted out when your money is sorted out and can't be speeded up because that's beyond your control...but what you can do, what is in your control and something that you've been excited about...is you can make sure that none of that encroaches on your day because all of the problems with that have been put right now, there is nothing to worry about with that and you can make sure that you get on your honeymoon and for however long you're there, you can not think about anything else back at home and just take the break you need, when you get back, then you can start being irrational with worry again but that'll have to wait as well because you have the priority of a great wedding and honeymoon right now, with the people who are there to enjoy your day with you....:hug:...

...:hug:...

Vicky what the hell is going on with your health? How have they not got it sorted yet? What a nightmare. I seriously think if you weren't feeling so ill and tired all the time you'd be able to deal with all the other stuff so much better :hug:

They arent even trying to find out whats wrong anymore, they are just adding extra painkillers to my list everytime I go to see them. I am on like 4 different kinds now and feel stoned constantly so have been not taking them and dealing with the pain quite a lot as I don't think the kids should be seeing me in the states I get when I take all of my prescribed meds :/ They haven't even taken the stent out yet even though they told me it absolutely had to be removed within 6 weeks or could cause an infection...but like 5 months on, they haven't got any appointments apparently, so no doubt a blood infection will be next. Have a feeling they will screw me about even more once they get the paperwork from my lawyers about my negligence claim...but come on, the ****ing negligence is STILL going on now

I do think I could cope better without all of the pain, but its something I am so used to now that Im not sure how I would manage being 'normal' again, though I am more than willing to try if someone medical just bloody fixes me instead of palming me off again :(

..you're on my mind right now Vicky..I know, that constant pain and living with it every day, just on and on and becoming a part of your everyday life, wearing you down and exhausting you...so it's hard/impossible for you to see anything other than negatives...:hug:..you will be fixed though, this won't last forever, I know it's hard to see that now..today is a new day, I hope today is a better day for you..:hug:..

That's just ridiculous, that alone is a nightmare to have to deal with never mind everything else that's going

:o It really sounds like it. I think he's probably saying Silly, ohhh though :hehe:

Watching a film about Bullimia as I paint my nails and thinking I was lucky.

My tablets have gone right to my head tonight :laugh: These are my very strong ones, but I have been taking dihydrocodeine all week instead of these as I go slightly zombiefied when I take there but they are amazing for pain. I think the issue is probably that I havent took them for alike a week then went back on the usual does...but I dodn't think your tolerance would change that quickly :laugh:

Were you bulimic?

I suppose you can call it that. I used to binge eat then throw up on and off for years. I wasn't an extreme case though.

One of my friends was bulimic and I never understood how people could make themselves sick. Having said that my worst phobia ever is vomit..so maybe thats why :S

Reasons vary for different people. It can become like an addiction and in some cases people enjoy the self harming and they do this to punish themselves. But reasons to actually start could be body dismorphia, a quick way to lose weight or losing without actually having to deprive yourself of food.

I hope your friend is ok now. It can leave long terms effects.

Your worst phobia is vomit? Did you always have that or did it develop when you were older?

I have been scared of sick since I can remember. I recall being around 5 and fighting the need to be sick for literally 8 hours..I felt dreadful and knew if I just threw up I would feel better but I won't let it happen. When I was pregnant with my daughter like 3 years back...I was sick once during the pregnancy. Before that I had not puked at all for coming up 10 years

I never thought of it from the self harming angle actually...

Easter eggs are a waste of time. All that hollow space could be filled with more chocolate or some delicious feilling.

Bang On Right