Problem solved - the Champion shot-putter who was wolfing down a triple sized greasy fry up at the corner table was drafted in to deal with the now very distressed Ass. She simply tucked the braying donkey under one arm and wandered off in search of the local petting zoo. The Ass could live happily with the flock of sheep, and the other assorted beasts on Animal Farm.

:laugh2:


Everytime I come to this thread this always makes me chuckle when I scroll down to it. I always forget it's here until I read it.

Would I be correct in believing that the steroid-bound female shot putter was drinking some special malt in order to keep her weight up ... ?

Then she would have to devour some schnitzel and strudel ... lovely hearty Germanic fare ... this cafe really does serve a varied menu ...

:joker: :joker: :joker: :joker: :joker: :xyxwave:

:joker::joker::joker::joker::joker::joker: ;)

No, I think the shot putter might be a Slav.

Pyramid came out of the kitchen, having been brainstorming with Jon Tickle. "We are to have a hog roast in the garden tomorrow night, in order to launch our new Christmas lights. Now who shall we ask to turn them on ?"

Would that be a Slav(e) to Lov(e) by any chance ... ? :devil:

There is nothing like a good old hog to chow down on ... how delicious it will be ... especially the south end of the pig rather than the north ... definitely the most tender and mouthwatering ...

Those Christmas lights are going to be all ablaze around the cafe ... pulling in even more punters than usual ... he he he

:dance: :dance: :dance: :joker: :wavey:

PS Where has that Pyramid got to ... ? Has she been locked in the kitchen devising some yummy new recipes ... I have rather missed her company ... she shouldn't work too hard, should she ... ? :nono:

So hidden sarcasm is the latest "menue" in the nasty Coffee Shoppe :rolleyes:

Walks off as I despise what is served here

The customers felt the chill of a draft of cold air and looked up to see the door swinging hard and, without, the back of a shadowy departing figure. Not knowing who it was, or particularly caring, they returned to their delectation and fun. 'Twasn't everyone's cup of tea, but Elevenpence was developing a discerning reputation for greatness. :wavey:

Hi Malza :xyxwave: No idea what you are refering to :conf: But no matter, just come and have a coffee in the Coffee shop, the more the merrier :) There is a grand opening of the Nest soon, and the nativity play to look forward to :) Ben and Corin being the Stars of that, it should draw a good crowd :cool:

I need coffee, chocolate and anything else containing caffene today. I am in that kind of mood so no funny business otherwise my sharp tounge might be put into place and I am a nice person normally! :devil:

Oh you be careful ... control your nasty ways ... we only want really nice people in this cafe ... we have no time for bitterness ... we soon send it on its way ...

:devil:

We are still waiting for Ben and Corin to show up with a few of their friends ... they are all absolutely divine ... so sweet and so funny and such good company ... Ben has promised to bring along some lovely Swiss chocolate shaped like the alps to remind him of his mother ... he is always so generous in sharing with all his entourage ... come on over and join us as soon as you can get away from work ... let's all pile on in to the Coffee Shoppe for a chocolate fest ... and lots of hugs for Gem to keep her sweet ...

:dance: :dance: :dance: :wavey:

I think I am ok now UV. I have had three Diary Milk's this morning, so slowly calming down :cat:

Are you serious? Really!!!

Its a fun thread, where all are welcome to come in and join in the humour and fun, Are you sure there are not a few housemates you would like to vent your humour on......so many to choose from after 11 series.

I recommend my new Sachertorte, which is made with Lindt seasoned with sea salt, and a hint of hazlenut praline.

Why is that ruddy door open ? It's more than a little draughty and my bloomers have icicles hanging off them:cloud:

OMG was it Voldemort lurking around outside the cafe again ... he despises everything we serve and stand for ... but he just can't help himself, can he?

Was he surrounded by his little gang of Death Eaters ... ? They are a really nasty crew, you know ...

We'll have to try to keep them out ... and just let Ben and Corin and their chocolate loving admirers in for a nice tea time session of fun and frolics ...

Strange creatures of the night have been flouncing around ... in and out of the cafe and upsetting some of the best customers ... what can we do about it ... ?

:devil::devil::devil::devil::devil::devil::devil:

Makes brief entrance, brrrrr, shiver me timbers, it's a bit cold in here right enough.

Plugs in hairdryer and directs warmth up BC's skirt (oh err!!!). Realises I should have requested Mario's services for this job - he always seemed full of hot air.

Thinks back to those lovely Danish Pastries Ulrika brought, in her 4x4, quickly scoffed and sold out, she never did return with any more. :bawling:

Considers German strudels that were on the menu briefly.

Thinks to Swiss chocs, Lindt lovlieness and of hiding places for them lest Josie and her Ass spies them.

Time for some good old hearty Scottish fayre to add to the Contintal mixture. Add Haggis to the menu. Draws picture to show customers. Add's little feet to confuse them. :devil:

Old spooky wife, still trying to get a handle on what that surreal aura culminating in the Psychic Corner is all about, opaque smokey shapes almost looking like human form surround her. Best leave her to it, she's in her own trancelike world trying to connect with the other side.

Considers putting up room dividers around her, or some nice very large plants with lots of foliage.... might be scaring the customers away with her bizarre mumblings. Must have staff meeting to consider whether to eject Spooky Wife.

Glimpses over to Josie's Ass. My goodness....it's a big one isn't it !!!Hopes she will be able to control it in public.

That Ass is back again ? I thought the shot putter had sent it to Animal Farm. That's what happens when disgruntled customers leave the door open. Some people were born in a barn, I tell you. And I have just noticed, someone scoffed the almond fingers :yuk:(creative display by the way Mids) and neglected to pay.

Babycakes gives gratitude to the wonderful Pyramid and thanks her for the suprisingly pleasant warmth in the nether regions - an unconventional solution, but saved her from looking like she was a bejazzled extra on the Only Way is Essex.

I am becoming increasingly concerned by the Spectre in the corner. Please, no, please say it is not......the one who must not be named !!!!!

Please note: Babycakes is not the greatest lover of Haggis, but finds the cute little feet very appealing. Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom.

The daily specials chalkboard now reads "Huge piles of toast - free to all who eat it up with a voracious appetite smear with your favourite topping. Marmite, marmalade or gentlemans relish"

Three rounds with marmalade please. :elephant:

The winner of the new addition to the Coffee shops menu went to Sunshine, she produced a delicious new coffee flavour which she called BenOffee Coffee, which had a lovely but not too overwhelming Caramel taste to it, and it seemed a worthy winner with the customers, and her pie was called BenOffee surprise and was scrumptious. The surprise which worked surprisingly well, were plain crisps as an addition of an extra topping.

Grabs mug of Benoffe Coffee and slice of Benoffee Pie and takes to table to devour.

Realises there might be trouble ahead..... Sunshine is sitting at the next table, has taken the very last packet of crips. Scabby and Keeva wanted that last packet, they don't look too chuffed at all.

Ife who had walked into the shop behind Shabby and Caoimhe, had seen Sunshine eating the last bag of crisps and said she wanted them, Sunshine said that's ok she would share them soon, but Ife could not wait and ordered a coffee with soya milk. No way said Pyramid and BabyCakes, that was specially for Sunshine and a few others who only liked Soya milk, so unless she wanted it ordered in special she would have to stick with regular semi skimmed. Ife was fuming at this, and struted over to have a bi*ch with Mario who was showing off his footie kit he was now wearing, whilst drinking his coffee and dunking his Garibaldi biscuits.

*Escorts Mario off the premises for wearing football colours on the premises and also points him to the sign on the door, which states NO ANIMALS except guide dogs* :nono::nono:

Unceremoniously boots his ass out of the Coffee Shoppe. Chucks his half eaten Garibaldi biscuits in the outside bin, lest there be any animal contamination, given his association to moles. this is a public eatery, can't afford to take chances.

Ife pouts and sits alone.

Shabby starts jumping up and down, gurning and screaming - "I want some crisps" over and over like a spoilt child:bawling: