Cheers Josie.

What bounces and makes kids cry?

A man walks into a bar. 999 is called.

I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg!

the sick joke thread that ben locked >

what do you call the first asian to land in britain?

amir

idgi :suspect:

ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ


The Mrs and I decided to go out for a night on the tiles last night, We walked past a swanky new restaurant in the Centre of Chester. "Did you smell that food, it smelt incredible ?"she commented I agreed, the smells were delicious. Being the nice guy I am I thought "Sod it I'll treat her" So we walked past it again.


So when Gary says Frankie Cocozza has been "really concentrating on his lines this week", it's not to do with his songs?

why did the chewing gum cross the road?

say it to yourself Scott -

amir, ..am ere, .. I'm ere, .. I'm here!

o

Last week my wife caught me in bed with Fatima Whitbread.
'It's not what it looks like', I pleaded.
'Well, what is it then?' she asked with a puzzled look on her face.
'A woman', I replied.

:hugesmile::hugesmile:

I hear the kangaroo will be asked to eat Fatima's balls this year...

Went to the doctors thinking I had a bit of a chest infection, he asked me to explain the symptoms, told him that Homer was a fat, bald yellow man and Marge was a lady with blue hair

I'm here all week

How do you communicate with a fish?

........drop it a line

I was directing a play and I thought I'd spice it up a bit by adding a lesbian shower scene.

Some say I'm the fresh and bold thing theatre needs, others that I ruined the nativity.

who are the nicest people in the hospital?
the ultrasound people

:joker:

"A married man was being unfaithful to his wife, and giving another woman pleasure with his hands, but he lost his wedding ring. he tried putting a finger up to see if he could find it, but couldn'y, so he put in his whole hand, still no luck, so he tried deeper, until his whole arm disappeared, he still had no luck, and eventually he climbed all the way inside. when inside he saw another man, so he asked "have you seen my wedding ring", to which the man replied "nope, you seen my trac'or?"

:suspect:

The people of Dubai don't get to watch the Flinstones but the people of Abu Dhabi Do

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

I'm making a film about a guy who's broken his leg.. the plots not very good but there's an excellent cast :bigsmile:

A Jew, a Muslim, and a Christian walk into a bar, they then sit down and discuss the various political factors driving a wedge between unity, peace, harmony and understaning between their religions. They resolve that despite the differences in religious belief, essentially they are all the same, and want happy existences with family and friends, and that equality and peace between religions should be a prime focus of religious institutions and governments

A Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?"

First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue" Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange."

The second little boy says"Trees are definitely green" "Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."

Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks "Does a fart have lumps?"

The teacher looks horrified and says "Johnny! Of course not!!!"

"OK. Then I DEFINITELY **** my pants."