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-   -   The reason that mods need to choose between being moderators and becoming personally (https://www.thisisbigbrother.com/forums/showthread.php?t=336643)

Mitchell 18-03-2018 06:43 PM
Just wanna give my support to the mods, I think they do a fantastic job :love:

I also love that they are friendly and approachable and not afraid to join in the banter, it makes the forum seem more fun.

Mokka 18-03-2018 06:45 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Toy Soldier (Post 9922741)
ALSO Niamh, for what it's worth, the post that I had written in the thread when it was locked (that I tried to post then found out was locked) was to say that I completely disagreed with the comment on you as a parent and that from my impressions of you, I actually strongly believe that you would be completely supportive and your stance would change very quickly.

I do also agree that bringing people's kids into a discussion (that isn't actually about parenting) crosses a completely different sort of line.
Although this wasn't directed to me... but about me... I guess I find it sad that someone's stance would only change when it was their kid... as opposed to seeing how much hate and hurt that stance has before it affects your household. I was pointing out just that. It's all well and good to stay in ignorance until it affects you personally I guess.

Withano 18-03-2018 06:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mokka (Post 9922746)
My response was directly to a few phrases I read over multiple pages by Niamh. My own trans kid is a member on this site and saw what I was posting as we discussed it and conversed about it as it was happening... and if they are proud of their mother having their back.. that's all I need. I just am sickened by the turn this site has taken over the last few months.. propping up and patting the backs of those setting the anti-trans rhetoric.
I didnt see your comment..

But there was a pretty large conversation about the exact thing you are 'sickened' by, many are in that same boat. you could have contributed to that - and with your experience, your contribution would have been pretty unique and interesting.

But instead, it looks like youd sooner discuss someones parenting skills.. which is odd and pretty cruel.

Trans rights on tibb are not where they should be. That, imo, is not down to individuals, theres a pretty vocal group. That discussion still needs to be had tbh.

Vicky. 18-03-2018 06:48 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Toy Soldier (Post 9922728)
Choose between sticking to considered, balanced posts that don't take sides when it comes to contentious discussions, or choose to be a regular member who can freely get into contentious discussions.

The vast majority of threads don't fall into the category of being contentious issues but on those that do, in my opinion, yes mods need to remain impartial or the threads become completely unbalanced.

Is it unfortunate? Sure. Is it fair? Nope. That doesn't mean it isn't a real issue.
Issue here is, who decides which threads are contentious?

Like, near all BB posts would come under that. Even silly threads in c&g could be classed as this.

So whats really the solution you are proposing is that mods just do not post at all. I am fairly happy with that as I would just be a regular member so I could post, but I am positive that admin would not be able to find anyone who would moderate a forum, without actually posting on it, for free. The only way they could do this realistically, is to start paying moderators, the same as DS and other forums do. And I don't think thats realistic either, for them to start paying for mods round the clock.

AnnieK 18-03-2018 06:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mokka (Post 9922746)
My response was directly to a few phrases I read over multiple pages by Niamh. My own trans kid is a member on this site and saw what I was posting as we discussed it and conversed about it as it was happening... and if they are proud of their mother having their back.. that's all I need. I just am sickened by the turn this site has taken over the last few months.. propping up and patting the backs of those setting the anti-trans rhetoric.
Do you know what though, the debates on this site about trans topics have educated some people. Just because you have first hand experience of a subject does not give you the right to decide how another member would handle it. If anyone questioned your parenting, without knowing a damn thing about you other than what you've posted during debates how would you feel? I'm glad you feel vindicated as a parent by belittling and insulting someone else.

Mokka 18-03-2018 06:54 PM
Well i aslo feel belittled that someone expressed the felt sorry for me for having a trans kid. I dont feel sorry for myself ever. I have an inteligent beautiful child who knows themself and isn't broken or torn up by that fact since they get validation from their friends and family.

It could be worse. I could have taken an anti-trans view and sent them into emotion turmoil like many parents have over decades and beyond.
Yeah.. I'm perfectly ok with myself thanks

Tom4784 18-03-2018 06:55 PM
Mokka, your attitude does not help your cause.

Mitchell 18-03-2018 06:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mokka (Post 9922773)
Well i aslo feel belittled that someone expressed the felt sorry for me for having a trans kid. I dont feel sorry for myself ever. I have an inteligent beautiful child who knows themself and isn't broken or torn up by that fact since they get validation from their friends and family.

It could be worse. I could have taken an anti-trans view and sent them into emotion turmoil like many parents have over decades and beyond.
Yeah.. I'm perfectly ok with myself thanks
I haven't seen your initial comments, but I'm so glad that your child has amazing support from you, so many parents would really struggle to deal with this, yet you're there supporting them all the way :love:

AnnieK 18-03-2018 06:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mokka (Post 9922773)
Well i aslo feel belittled that someone expressed the felt sorry for me for having a trans kid. I dont feel sorry for myself ever. I have an inteligent beautiful child who knows themself and isn't broken or torn up by that fact since they get validation from their friends and family.

It could be worse. I could have taken an anti-trans view and sent them into emotion turmoil like many parents have over decades and beyond.
Yeah.. I'm perfectly ok with myself thanks
Unless I missed a post, it was my post that you have misread. I said I will not say I'm sorry for what you have gone through as that would mean there was something to feel sorry about and that was only after you had already made the comment to niamh.

Jack_ 18-03-2018 06:59 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mokka (Post 9922746)
My response was directly to a few phrases I read over multiple pages by Niamh. My own trans kid is a member on this site and saw what I was posting as we discussed it and conversed about it as it was happening... and if they are proud of their mother having their back.. that's all I need. I just am sickened by the turn this site has taken over the last few months.. propping up and patting the backs of those setting the anti-trans rhetoric.
I can't say I saw anything incendiary or offensive by Niamh in that thread personally, there were FAR worse things being said by other members...as usual. But I appreciate that your mileage may vary, and with such a personal stake in this topic I can see why you reacted. That said, I stand by what I said - neither of them, in the almost ten years I've been on this forum, have ever struck me as the kind of people (and indeed parents) who would treat a trans person (their child or otherwise) without the respect and/or love that they deserve.

I totally understand and agree that the discourse and atmosphere in threads on gender hasn't been very pleasant on this forum for quite a while now, and like I said, that's why I've made a conscious decision to avoid partaking in them - despite it being a huge passion of mine and my favourite area of research, study and debate. When you have a personal stake in the discussion (though mine is of course far, far, far removed and different from yours) it makes it all the more emotive, and let's be honest, it's an emotive enough topic on all sides as it is. That's in part why I think it has reached the stage that is has, but unfortunately that's led to a lack of productive discourse, and heated exchanges like this today.

But again, I must reiterate, despite all of that - and although I completely understand and sympathise with the position you're coming from, I think your target is the wrong one.

Smithy 18-03-2018 07:00 PM
Niamh and Vicky once cornered me in an alley called me a f*ggot and beat me black and blue :sad:

Smithy 18-03-2018 07:01 PM
(This isn’t serious debates so I’m allowed to make jokes :hmph:)

Niamh. 18-03-2018 07:02 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smithy (Post 9922793)
Niamh and Vicky once cornered me in an alley called me a f*ggot and beat me black and blue :sad:
:laugh:

user104658 18-03-2018 07:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vicky. (Post 9922760)
Issue here is, who decides which threads are contentious?

Like, near all BB posts would come under that. Even silly threads in c&g could be classed as this.

So whats really the solution you are proposing is that mods just do not post at all. I am fairly happy with that as I would just be a regular member so I could post, but I am positive that admin would not be able to find anyone who would moderate a forum, without actually posting on it, for free. The only way they could do this realistically, is to start paying moderators, the same as DS and other forums do. And I don't think thats realistic either, for them to start paying for mods round the clock.
To be fair I understand that it's a bit of an impossible situation without many, or maybe any, real solution but - helpful as I know this will be - I also think it's important to remember that "a lack of available alternatives" is not the same as "a good situation".

user104658 18-03-2018 07:04 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smithy (Post 9922793)
Niamh and Vicky once cornered me in an alley called me a f*ggot and beat me black and blue :sad:
It doesn't count if you pay for it and sign a disclaimer :suspect:.

James 18-03-2018 07:09 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vicky. (Post 9922602)
Threads get locked when they have descended into bickering baiting nonsense. The reason they are locked as they are cleaned is because otherwise the bickering continues while someone is deleting pages and pages of threads, and then by the time its cleaned there is another load to go. This has happened near forever. If the thread is considered saveable, it is reopened after deletions. there are around 150 deletions in that thread now, both from when james locked it, and when I did. That thread has been locked twice to be cleaned already. A third time I reckon it will remain locked.

And niamh did not lock the thread either. Nor moderate in there.
That's correct.

I deleted a bunch of posts earlier this afternoon because some people were just having a go at each other.

Tozzie 18-03-2018 07:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kazanne (Post 9922747)
Don't really know what this is all about,but have to say most of the mods in here seem fair enough,I don't always agree with them,but at the same time they have a thankless job at times .
I don't know what it's about either but it sure seems like it got pretty heated. Glad I'm not a mod or admin.

smudgie 18-03-2018 07:38 PM
The mods do a great job.
Modding and posting.
If I wasn’t happy with the modding I would just walk away.:shrug:

MTVN 18-03-2018 08:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Niamh. (Post 9922652)
Well I can know that because we were discussing it with MTVN before Mokka even made the comment to me, both Matt and Vicky then went offline and I had already decided not to mod that thread, then Vicky came back online and started cleaning the thread. But I don't know why I'm even bothering to tell you this anyway because you've already decided you're own narrative :shrug:
Can confirm this, I'm afraid I went to the pub for the afternoon and have only just come back online

This thread seems to have mainly levelled out and calmed down so I won't add too much to it but I do want to echo the comments about how unfair the comment towards Niamh was and I think that both her and Vicky do such a good job moderating this forum and have put so many hours into it over the years through so many different dramas and squabbles. Right now there's very few of us Mods that are regularly active on the forum compared to how it used to be, and, as Dezzy alluded to, we are not always that united. I think the debate in the Admin section is often a lot more robust than people think but what stops us from advertising that is that we all do genuinely want this to be a good forum for everyone to post in

Brillopad 18-03-2018 08:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dezzy (Post 9922666)
The problem is that people allow their feelings to become their facts when it comes to the mods, I know this first hand as I've got my own hateclub of members that will screech that I'm biased based on nothing more than they don't like me, they think that, because they hate me, that means I'm biased towards them which is ridiculous and nonsensical. I'm probably the most impartial mod of them all, I don't let who my friends are and who I dislike affect my decisions and, tbh, if you're reporting something and I see it, you better hope you haven't broken any rules yourself since I have a tendency, when it's applicable, to infract both sides of an argument. When it comes to modding, I don't play favourites.

When modding used to be more transparent, people used to abuse the system, for example they knew of their infraction points and such to break the rules but reign it in when they knew they were close to a ban, That's why you don't see how many points you have anymore. When we try to be transparent about decisions there will always be a loud section of people who will simply oppose what we say because it's easier to blame us for things than admit when they are in the wrong.

There are problems in Tibb towers and it's funny that people say the mods will back each other up because I don't think we've ever been as fragmented as we are currently, We would not stick up for each other if someone was in the wrong, especially these days. I don't think, in this case, that neither Vicky nor Niamh are in the wrong.
Oh please!!! :rolleyes:

Everything with you is about hate - but much of the criticism you get is deserved. Please don’t play the innocent - many aren’t buying it due to personal experience.

Marsh. 18-03-2018 08:26 PM
Open again.

I feel like the mods are all going around a house locking and unlocking doors after one another and you're lucky if you get to peek inside before it's locked again.

user104658 18-03-2018 08:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marsh. (Post 9923083)
Open again.

I feel like the mods are all going around a house locking and unlocking doors after one another and you're lucky if you get to peek inside before it's locked again.
Well my Tapatalk has suddenly become confused by my SD ban and won't let me post anywhere! This is madness.

Marsh. 18-03-2018 08:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Toy Soldier (Post 9923093)
Well my Tapatalk has suddenly become confused by my SD ban and won't let me post anywhere! This is madness.
:joker:

user104658 18-03-2018 08:33 PM
I was legit raging thinking my SD ban had become a full ban for no reason, but no, I made the mistake of opening the PM about the SD ban and now Tapatalk is like "NOPE! Do not have permission!" about everything. I can't even send PMs!

Tom4784 18-03-2018 08:34 PM
We sometimes lock threads so we can clean it and reopen it afterwards since it's a pain to delete a bunch of posts and then have to keep deleting new posts on the same subject.


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