*Screams at top of voice... NOOOOOOO NAKED MARIO-NESS*:nono::nono:

Calms down and joins Gemm for a nice relaxing choccie treat and a coffee.

Between that Alison one, food fights and now this.... thinks to self that place is going to the dogs, must speak to Babycakes about restricting the clientele.

Just as that, a familiar figure swishes past the window.... OOHHHH.... I'm sure, absolutely sure I saw a quiff there, the door opens, and yeah, it's Ben!!:elephant::elephant:


Gets buckets and pails filled with water in readiness for Voddy!

How about this for a Christmas cake???????????


A Christmas Cake

Ingredients:

* 2 cups flour
* 1 stick butter
* 1 cup of water
* 1 tsp baking soda
* 1 cup of sugar
* 1 tsp salt
* 1 cup of brown sugar
* Lemon juice
* 4 large eggs
* Nuts
* 1 bottle Brandy
* 2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the brandy to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the brandy again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the brandy is still OK. Try another cup... Just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the frigging fruit up off floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the brandy to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Check the brandy. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or some fink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the brandy and wipe counter with the cat.

Bingle Jells!

"Hello ladies, I just popped in for a morsel of bebegateaux" Ben purred in his velvety tones. :hugesmile::hugesmile::hugesmile:

Voddy races towards Ben whilst accidently :whistle: pushing other customers out the way and does a Gillian McKeith faint into Ben's arms, whilst accidently on purpose flicking her right hand through his quiff. But Ben misses her whilst sorting his quiff, and Voddy falls to the floor. Pyramid quickly chucks a cup of cold water over Voddy.

:joker::joker::joker::joker:

I quickly jump to my feet, take a hold of Ben, kiss him passionately before yelling, "WILL YOU MARRY ME BEN???" ;)

ben looks at vodka for a few seconds and asks 'are you vodka drinker?' to which she replies yes i am.Ben then says 'well then of course i will marry you' :hugesmile:

Takes note that Ben has been making mention that he and Vodka Drinker can get married in Indonesia, and puts plans together for the same ceremony that Mick Jagger and Jerry Hall chose to marry ..... you know, that same one that was annulled as it wasn't quite 'legal'.

*Does pirouettes around the Coffee Shoppe and applies for British Marriage License for Pyramid* and Benjamin* :devil:

BabyCakes was making a few changes to the menu, as some stuff sold better than others. The Almond Cake was a disaster, and had been discontinued, as were the Garibaldis, whilst the BenOffee Pie especially, was a raging success. Babycakes and Pyramid had also decided to stick to the well loved biscuits and cakes, but with added touches as many were baked on the premises and so with a new twist on the names of some, trying to incorporate a BB touch to the food and drinks :)

Sunshine had brought out her own range of crisps and allowed a discount to BabyCakes for promoting them in the Coffee shop. They went down a treat :)There were a little sachet of rice paper letters in each, so a shortened version of names could be added to the outside of the packet which was also edible if the buyer wanted to enjoy the packaging as well, so no waste, enviromentally friendly thus :)

Having been closed for a week to have an intruder alarm installed, the coffee shop is back open for business.

We have speed dating planned for tonight; hmm, I wonder who will turn up ?

Thank goodness, in all this cold weather its been a bit of a nightmare having no familiar cosy little cafe to pop in for a warming hot chocolate. I see the bitter Almond cake is now off the Menu, but the Benoffe cake looks scrummy, yum.
Think I will get myself a good seat for the speed dating tonight, should be a laugh, though I am hoping for a strict dress code, no flashers or nakedness allowed I hope, just plain turns my stomach seeing all that horrid flesh.
Of course, those that one would not mind seeing a little bit more of are the ones who have a little pride and dignity..........why oh why is it always the pale pasty ugly ones have the need to display their wares.

Anyhow, here hoping Ben pops in for a winter warmup.:elephant::elephant::elephant:

No naked testiticularness :joker::joker::joker:

Sorry it was closed so long. The alarm kept sounding for no reason. We finally concluded that it didn't like the cool aura congregated in the corner. Set the alarm off time and time again.

I've made gluwein and stollen cake for tonight, and fondue for the daters to share. I thought it had a wintery Swiss theme, and Ben might find that appealing.

With his James Bond heritage, Ben was exceedingly happy at the menu for tonights speed dating. The only thing missing he felt was a christmas pudding martini - shaken not stirred.

Jade Goody waltzes in and calls Ben a 'posh wanka' before collapsing in the corner with a bottle of Ouzo.

Ben returned from Waitrose with a bag of all the necessary ingredients to male Christmas Pudding Martini's, so Truth Teller and Pyramis huddled over the list of participants and tried to sort out a suitable schedule for the dates.

Chantelle and Preston ? Ziggy and Chanelle ? Jen and Dale ? Paul and Helen ? Oh dear, the possibilities for friction looked worryingly high.

At that moment, Sree burst into the room, demanding to know if Noirin had put her name down for a date. Following hot on his heels was Marcus, the Irrepressible Dark Horse who elbowed Sree out of the way and demanded that his name was matched to Noirin's first.

Ben watched it all with amused nonchalance.

BB4's Gos comes in, looks at Jade in the corner and begins teabagging her like an oompa-loompa.

"Oi! You fat slag!" she chokes inbetween mouthfuls, before slipping on a puddle of her own urine. She reaches for her mobile phone and calls up her mum Jackiey, screeching "save me you money-grabbing cow!" down the phone.

Jackiey runs in 'Sorry I'm late I was to busy selling your life support machine down the pawnshop. GET OFF MY BANK YOU SLAG' She swings for Gos.

Oh dear, seems that we are going to have to hire some security, word has got around about tonights speed dating and seems to have attracted a few undesirables.
Now then who shall we hire to get rid of the Riff Raff.......................

Suddenley, the door bursts open. It's Jackiey looking angrier than ever, with her sidekicks Billi Bhatti and Hira Whateverthe****hernameis. She stares down at the urine soaked mess still getting teabagged.

"I'm so disapointed in you, Jade"

"YOU'RE DISAPOINTED, I'M NOT THE ONE HANGING OUT WITH A PAIR OF POPPADO-"

Billi interrupted before she could finish.
"At least I CAN WHIP MY HAIR BACK N FORTH I WHIP MA HAIR BACK N FORTH"

A bald Jade, begins crying.

The owners of the cafe are delighted that such colourful new patrons have arrived, but are a little concerned that the till is at risk, and the general unattractiveness of the new customers might put off the speed daters due to arrive any minute :joker:

Such drama had not been seen at the cafe since the day that Ife did a dump on one of the tables :spin::spin::spin:

I know they say Christams is a very special time...but jeezo..... even that's a big surprise.

Nice to see Babycakes managed to get in, I unfortunately was snowed in up in Scotland but it's great to see the 'old place' still looking so good and pulling in the right clientele....... !!! LOL :)

*Pours a B.Coffee, sits down and purrs with content*

Christmas always brings out high spirits and drunken enthusiasm. I do hope that Gos was drunk, otherwise his judgement is highly questionable.

Hurrah - the entertainment for tonight has arrived. It's BC's family :elephant::elephant::elephant: a Jackson Five tribute act.

http://sendables.jibjab.com/view/IjihvsULN5nWfdh3

The tribute act is going down a treat, as is the Benoffe Coffee, and pie :) The customers love them, and they are certainly drawing in the crowds. A few drunken footie fans happen in swearing and singing, but are soon ejected from the premises.

It looks like it will be a good evening :)

The first speed dating couple, chosen for their common interest in hairdressing, sit down in the newly constructed Love Shack and start flirting. Unfortunately, the attraction seems a little one sided.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/multime...601_78961a.jpg

Oh dear, that first date ended in tears and tantrums when Craig was accused of touching Anthony inappropriately under the table.

They leave the Love Shack (well disco dancing Anthony nips out saying he wants to join babycakes Jackson 5 tribute act, followed at quite a pace by Bitchtits Scissorhands who is screaming " I refuse to diminish my character")

The next couple appear mismatched too - this could be a disaster. Rex has to be dragged to the date kicking and screaming, demanding that he would rather play Scrabble.

http://www.closeronline.co.uk/Assets...l_rex_lead.jpg

The third set of daters arrived together wearing matching evening gowns. Kemal and Kinga made their way into the Love Shack straight away, and Kemal called over his shoulder "can you send some wine in please?". Kinga cackled "yeah, make it a BOTTLE".

http://estb.msn.com/i/2C/E6E8A3E0EAE...AC86AD28EB.jpg

The final date of the evening was a bit of a surprise. When George Galloway and Peter Burns arrived, both in skin fitting lycra, a least two of the customers ran to the loo in order to vomit. The queue for the Ladies was three times longer by the time they heard George purring inside the Love Shack, and mewling "would you like me to be the cat ?". This wouldn't be good for the Coffee Shop; it now had a faint aroma of sick (and they had only just got rid of the stench of bitter Almonds).
http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/...lloway-005.jpg

:joker::joker: Loving the pictures and captions:joker::joker:

I'm not too sure about that last pic :eek: :yuk: :nono:

*Goes and looks out the mop, pail and bottles of dettol to start clearing up the sick&* :bawling:

How come I get all the lousy jobs around here !!!

While your on your feet could I have a latte with a side order of Ben.... I mean biccies please... :blush2::wink:

*Looks up to gemmiej, wipes sweat from brow, puts mop & bucket aside and replies " Yes, certainly, let me just shove this brush up my ar$e while am here, and I'll get right on it" :joker:

:blush2:



LOL .

How many biscuits did you say..... :joker:
:hugesmile:

Feeling slightly guilty that everyone else was working, bc decides to shovel the snow and clear the ice away from the frontage. Muses "the Coffee Shoppe actually looks quite nice. Shame about the pong."

Round two of speed dating due at the end of the week, although round one was not successful. The only five minute relationship that resulted in a booty call was Galloway & Burns, although Kinga did leave clutching her half drunk bottle of wine. We decided not to follow that one up however.

Heats up milk in large mug, to prepare hot chocolate for BC, she's going to need defrosting after shovelling all that snow and ice.... it's bliddy cold out there.

Reports have come in that en-route home, Kinga, having polished off the wine on her stroll home, slipped on ice, and fell on top of the empty wine bottle. Rumour has it that rather than be horrified, she exacted pleasure from this incident. :shocked::shocked::shocked:

Looks out of window and spies some long haired harridan, shouting "Chicken where are you... Chicken". Am a bit concerned at what she is holding in her hand, something limp and furry. It looks awfully like a dead rabbit....... :shocked::shocked:

What on earth! :laugh3:

It's called cabin fever !!!! :joker:

Two Jammie Dodgers please. The real thing not the fake lemon ones my boyfriend tried to palm me off with yesterday1 :xyxwave:

:wavey:

No problem ! I think you will need a fresh mug of Benoffee Coffee though, that last one must be freezing cold by now. Let me attend to that for you...

*Rushes off and flips the 'super heat' switch on the Coffee*

Be with you in two shakes of a lamb's tail.....

*....passes todays newspapers to gemmiej whilst she waits, points to M8 photographs and nods to gemmiej, in acknowlegement that thanks should be noted for my presence here today due to weather, takes home-made jammy dodgers from display unit and places on plate in readiness....*

:blush:

Why thank you. Its warmer in here than it is out there. :blush: