yes. and I heard people in wheelchairs have wheels instead of balls. don't think I could cope with that. tire marks?!

i was with a wheeelchair user for 8 years best time of my life

Good comment,I would have no hesitation in dating someone in a wheelchair,I have friends who are,2 through horrific accidents that left them partially paralysed.One I am very close to and his girfriend has stayed with him and they are one of the happiest couples I have seen (getting married later this year too),many people just don't realise they are 'still' people in those chairs with feelings and hopes and dreams just like the rest of us.

I can understand the people who wouldn't know how to cope with that though, I know people for instance who have massive aversions to visting in Hospital and who have never visited a friend or relative in Hospital, it doesn't mean they don't have feelings or care for them.
Some people I guess would have similar aversions to the disabled and particularly who were wheelchair bound.

The only people I take any exception to would be those who reject wheelchair users because of their own image,they don't want their image to be seen to be brought down in any way so would reject wheelchair bound people,not wanting to be seen with or associated maybe even with them.

This thread has been very enlightening,in good and sad ways as you point out Suze.

+1

I'm not into charity.

No.

You are entitled to your view obviously but its rather insulting to bring in the word Charity.

Most wheelchair bound individuals are far from being Charity cases and also would hate to be thought as one too.They also likely do a great lot more 'for' Charites than they would ever get from them.

Can I ask those who said they would not consider a relationship with a wheelchair-user this question ...

If the person you fell in love with had an accident which left them in a wheelchair, would you end that relationship?

Well said and a superb question.

That's different, the question says would you date one & you'd only really tend to look to date people who are your type. A wheelchair user just isnt my type & not someone I'd look to go out with, just as I wouldnt go out with a midget, someone deformed or just someone who I found really unattractive.

That's different because you already are with that person beforehand. Dating someone is different from already being in a relationship.


Also, I don't see why myself and people who share the same opinion as me have to justify why we wouldn't. We all have our own preferences, it's not nasty and we are not being rude about it, but it is how we feel.

some clearly are

Probably not because I knew this person before and if I love this person very much, we will get through it.
But, I'm very uncomfortable around poor/disabled/sad people because I can't deal with this. I'm not Mother Theresa, I don't give to charity or anything. It's not in my nature to help people.

So I guess I'll stay with this person until I can't deal with it any longer because it will put in danger my mental safety. I know it's cruel but that's the way it is.

You know, this is a very hard one to answer. It very much depends on many things - the nature of the reason for the person being wheelchair bound, the nature of the relationship (whether before, during or after meeting), the needs of each of the two persons involved.

OVERALL.... I'd be leaning to say no. I have my own personal reasons for that (not least that I have a lung condition and would be restricted in aiding them physically). That to me,would be a huge consideration. It would very much depend on how 'mobile / independant ' the wheelchair bound person was as I work full time, have to work full time and have not the energy or time to them come home from a very highly pressurised job to be a carer.

Outside of that : we never know who we fall in love with - or why. Love can see past boundaries that we all 'perceived' previously to be impossible.

I do think it's one of those situations that you can 'think' you may react in one way: yet when it actually presents itself: we may react in the very opposite way, for reason we may not even ever thought to consider.

Some very revealing responses here.

Yes, I know the question is different. However it is related because it's about disability.

Interesting that you have compared wheelchair-user with the words midget, deformed and unattractive. As for a wheelchair-user not being your 'type'. Well, you would have be be kinky to be turned on by a person in a wheelchair.

This is about seeing beyond the wheelchair.

That is so sad to read. I hope your attitude will change as you grow older. Just imagine if something should happen to you and you encountered someone with that opinion.


That's a sensible and good answer. I think so too.

You missed the point, when deciding who you're gonna date physical attraction plays a big part, hence why I compared it to other factors which might influence your perception of them. Of course, you can be attractive and be in a wheelchair, but if I was looking for a date I'd prefer it if they werent confined to a chair. I also mentioned having a deformity or being a midget because surely your "seeing beyond the wheelchair" applies to them as well. Would you date someone with a facial deformity? Surely it's about seeing beyond that, no?

When you're actually in love with someone the personality factor overrides the physical to a far greater extent, you cant compare being it with just dating someone

Depends if they are capable of looking after themselves. I don't know if I could take on the responsibility of caring for. Though I wouldn't know until I ever fell in love with somebody in a wheelchair!

Physical attraction is important but I don't think a deformity is comparable to being in a wheelchair. I think it's you that's missing the point. A facial deformity is not going to attract most people. But a wheelchair is just an aid to someone mobility.

Why compare midgets and facial deformities to wheelchair users? It's a different issue. A closer comparison would be would you go out with a blind person or a deaf person?

Imagine seeing someone really hot in a bar and then that person leaving the bar in a wheelchair. Or, as a comparison, leaving the bar with a white cane.

Look at this clip of the Golden Girls (from 3.30 to 6.10)

I can't believe someone is posting a clip of ****ing Golden Girls to illustrate a point.

:joker:

The principles the same, if you're going to criticise people and preach the principle of "it's the person, not the chair" then that has to apply all the time, you cant mitigate it & then suddenly ignore it because you think being a midget is more of a turn off than being in a chair. If you're going to apply that principle than at least be consistent, otherwise you're just showing double standards

I would consider myself pretty active, I play a fair bit of sport & enjoying going walks and stuff, it's not that unreasonable to prefer going out with someone who is capable of doing those things with you, having a wheelchair is a big burden. And I wouldnt go out with someone who is blind or deaf either, it would be too difficult.

I am being consistant. You cannot compare a midget and a deformity with a person is a wheelchair. One size doesn't fit all in this case.

I probably wouldn't be sexually attracted to a midget or a deformed person because of basic aethetic reasons. But a person in a wheelchair is different. If they were sitting on a bar stool you wouldn't know the difference until they moved away from the bar - same with a blind person, hense the example of a clip.

Sorry, if the clip caused amusement. It was the only one I could think of. Although I was amused by the reaction.

For you.

Image the character of Chris Tate or Jackson in Emmerdale as another example.

Why for me?

I'm just saying that is your opinion. And probably the opinion of millions of others, sure, but everyone has a different sense of aesthetic, y'know. I can see where you are coming from but you are only speaking from your own standpoint at the end of the day.

I'm sure there's someone out there who would hop into bed with a walking midget faster than they would a non walking non midget. You can't just draw these easy conclusions about the way people see and feel about things.

Again, you are comparing a midget with a wheelchair-user.

I am suggesting a person you would be attracted to but the only concession is a wheelchair.

Like everyone else, I don't know how to express an opinion other than my own.

Midgets are damn hot

just saying

I'm only using midgets as an example because you mentioned them in your post. You wouldn't be sexually attracted to a midget. Some people aren't sexually to people in wheelchairs. It doesn't matter if you think they look fine they just happen to be in a wheelchair. That's your sense of aesthetic. Other people will see things differently. I'm all for voicing your opinion but your posts make it sound like you are utterly aghast at the concept that people can't all see things your way and you really can't seem to accept that the inclusion of a wheelchair would prevent someone from making a move on the girl/boy whatever.

It's not just limited to aesthetic either. Sorry but when I think of a relationship with a woman I think of holding hands, having a walk in the park, a cheeky roll around in the grass, those sorts of things. That's what I want and I wouldn't settle for anything less.

Sounds harsh but c'est la vie. There's plenty of fish in the sea for wheelchair users to hook up with. Likewise there's plenty of fish in the sea for me and I want to pick one of the ones that can swim.

They're all physical things though, which might mitigate against someone's desirability. So are you now saying that it's not all "about the person" as you were saying earlier? Seems it. And like Stu pointed out, attractiveness is all subjective in any case.

A wheelchair is a big hindrance, more so than you seem to want to admit. Why didnt you quote the second part of my post? A lot of things I'd like to do with someone I'm going out with I couldnt do with a girl in a wheelchair and consequently.. I'd rather not date one. It's as simple as that really and I dont know why you're getting so sanctimonious about it.

If I fancied him, yeah I would think so.

Hard to say without being in the situation though really

Of course a wheelchair is a hindrance. For the user and the person with the user. Sadly the user can't walk away or have a break.

I probably didn't quote the second part of your post because I didn't disagree with it, whatever it was.

I'm saying you have to see beyond the wheelchair. An attractive person is an attractive person, wheelchair or not. It's quite different from a deformation, which is why I won't compare them. You may want to because it strengthens your argument. I've mention 'the person on the bar stool' three times now and no one has challenged it.

You're suggesting a person is unattractive in a wheelchair?

Why am I getting sanctimoniuos? I'm exercising a point of view, that's all.

I'm not saying you should date a wheelchair-user. I'm only discussing why one wouldn't. It's a topic that interests me.

Why be so offended by my opinion? I didn't start the thread.

Not aghast at all. I find this debate interesting, but there is some ignorance around disabilities. I've no axe to grind. Surely if someone is attractive they are still attractive in a wheelchair. Only prejudice gets in the way of that? 'The way it looks'.

You can do all that with a disabled as well as an able bodied woman.

Because - obviously - if a person is in a wheelchair they can't possibly swim. All wheelchair-users are the same of course...

Sad? Why? Because I've got the balls to say I'm not attracted to this? That I don't want this kind of drama in my life?
Trust me, I've done some crazy shit in my life but this, dating a disabled person, is out of question. It's not happening. Too much drama, too much caring.

And what about daily life? Nah it's too complicated to deal with. Hospitals and stuff are made for these people.

I wouldn't actively go out and find a person in a wheelchair, no. But if the person I was with had an accident and was wheelchair bound then I'd still go out with them for sure

Wouldn't judge anyone who wouldn't really.

Sad only because you said this ...