Hiya I'm kizzy I was slapped on the legs...And I slapped my kids on the legs.
Luckily they are not yet in therapy, its about perspective I feel not berating all parents who have/would chastise their children via a tap.
Those who fail to see the line between a tap and abuse ....well...

If you cannot find a way to gain respect from your children other than violence, then you have no right being a parent.

Violent parents are no different then violent cops.

Dearie me... ok...

I was hit when I was young, it didn't happen much.

I think a slap (a light slap) on the arse, legs or hand isn't comparable to actual violence.
I don't know whether it's vastly different in America, but to compare them to violent cops is an overreaction.
Unless, you're referring only to those who literally fight with their children.

I was smacked as a child. Had the belt used. Had the cane at school on many occasions. I don't necessarily agree with it though. Although I definitely do not agree with using a belt...

It has been said that the cane, for instance, was a deterrent, and the threat of it created better discipline, as kids were afraid of it. I don't think that was entirely true for some, and it definitely depends on a persons way of thinking. Some might be **** scared of said punishment, but others would not be arsed (excuse pun). It never worked as a deterrent for me, it just made me more rebellious. Yet on another child, it would have had a very different effect.

You go on like they're beating them to within an inch of their life or something.

well to a child it feels that way. and it undermines a parent's athority imo, because usually when a parent get's violent it shows the child that the parents are losing control. if a parent can't hold themselves to a certain standard then how can they demand children do?

A child should not do the right thing just because they afraid of violence.
A child should do the right thing because they have been taught that it's the right thing to do.

He may be extracting the urine a bit I feel inone?

Plenty of children have been hit and they don't turn out to be violent maniacs. And the ones that did would've probably turned out like that anyway

i'm not.

No, not all, but most. It's been proven in study after study that children that experience violence in childhod are more likely to be violent adults. That's a fact. NO debate at all about that.

You learn how to be a person from your parents. If you learn violence from your parents, you will probably be a violent parent. fact. period. full stop. In the same way that men who see their fathers abusing their mother are much more liking to abuse their own wives, and doaughters who see their mother being abused are much more likely to be beaten by their own husbands. It's true.

It's a cycle.

What was considered violence in this study?...

What do you class as violence? Does a tap on the hand equate to violence say?

Absolute nonsense. If that was the case then all our parents and grandparents would be violent and they came from a lot tougher generation than us. It all depends on the person at the end of the day.

I got occasionally smacked and turned out decent but I dont think I could do it myself. Admittingly I think its a thoughless method but sometimes it does need to be used as a last resort (nothing before!)

If you don't know what violence is then i suspect you have some very supressed emotions about it.

Acting out physically against another human being is violence. People who use force instead of words, that is violence.

A slap on the hand is not violence. The way you're going on about it is as if the children are being beaten.

so surviving violence makes it okay? i'm not following your logic.

I'm saying they didn't all turn out to be violent people like you claimed.

If you call getting a slap on the hand as a child for bad behaviour and growing up perfectly normal "surviving". It's not life or death.

As long as it's not actual beatings and not a regular thing, getting smacked for every this, that and whatever then it's acceptable.

Think I would prefer to take the ''take away their favourite things until they start to behave'' approach

That is some supposition. We all have our own terms of what we consider things to be. I was asking you what you considered violence to be.

Acting out physically against another human being is violence. People who use force instead of words, that is violence.

Ok, so you consider a tap on the hand to be violence. Think we will have to disagree on that one.

intimidation is violence. intentionally causing another person to be fearful or afraid.

striking fear into someone's heart.

All you seem to be doing is using these extreme buzz words and not actually coming to any sort of point.

You can cause intimidation with words...

i made my point in my first post.

violence against children is wrong.

This. You're contradicting yourself lostalex.

and that is wrong too.

You can do that with words...Is shouting out as well then?...Oh I'm fecked then better phone childline myself!

That is not violence. What we are talking about is low physical aggression.

if it was just "low" and "harmless" then we wouldn't be having this conversation.

when did i ever discount the trauma of emotional and verbal abuse? i never did. So i don't understand all the people saying "words can be violent too" i totally agree that they can!

But you say "People who use force instead of words, that is violence." And then "intimidation is violence", which can come from words. But then you say that is wrong too. :conf:

Low and harmless is the topic of the discussion.

If you're talking about battering your child then I refer you to the thread about the Chinese woman.

Its harmless if you use it appropriately as a last resort.

That's the whole point, most of the time it is. Not every parent who give their kid a tap every now and again for being out of line are child abusers. It's just a method some parents use and as long as it doesn't get nasty then there's nothing wrong with it.

there are violent words just as there are violent actions. and there are kind words, aswell as kind actions. I don't understand this paradigm you've created that says you have to use violence in any way. Why is any violence ever acceptable????

It's not imo. words or acts it's never acceptable.