There are so many wonderful people on this forum and this thread has taught me so much about people I have known for years yet I've never really known at all... :hug:!

:hug: :love:

conzers im loving the fact that u r reading every single post and commenting on them. Oh and ive never been called cool in my life so thanks for saying that lol
very good thread.

Ah go on then/

I'm Reece, 17 from a little coastal town called Seaham in North East England. :) I'm an only child and live with my mum and dog/cat (quite a lonely household), as my Dad left before I was born and hasn't bothered to contact me at all - yet can openly provides for his 3 daughters. So cannot stand him, I value my grandad as my real Dad as he's been there for me since day 1 and always comes over to get out of his shabby lonely bungalow. I'm in an awful council estate so time's can be quite rough but we pull through it.

Through school I sorta excelled, I've been through about 5-6 primary schools due to constant moving about.. Life got a bit wobbly after bullying through year 7 and 8 from the chavs, and I obviously did not fit in that whole clique so was sort of segregated with a few friends but this built and still to this day I've got a tight knit friendship group. I got through my GCSEs with mainly As and Bs so got onto to do A levels at sixth form which has probably been one of the most depressing years of my life, as I've struggled to defeat exam pressures leading me to crumble in my exams and getting Us and Ds in January but whilst doing 3 A levels I've also done a BTEC (ICT) along them which has been much more suited and I've found better for me, so I've discussed with my tutor and will be moving onto a full time one in September in Medical Science :)

I've become very self concious over the years as most of my friends have gotten in solid relationships and I've, most of the time, been the third wheel in many groups, so I pretty much hate my appearance but try to convince others that I don't. I've been told often I am funny to be around which makes me smile - and I enjoy making others smile :). I often hide my emotions in real life with having a strong exterior and having faced a lot **** through my life (mostly from mum's crazy ex-boyfriends... ). I'm often paranoid about whether I'm annoying someone and I have some anxiety issues, so I almost never pop up or start a conversation. But I never like to think about all these negative things and believe that positive thinking will always let you prevail and there's no point dwelling on stuff that's the past. :)

I can relate to everything you have said here! I also agree that negativity is really something that's not necessary in anyones life. :hugesmile:

:amazed:
**** happens, get over the negativity basically. As hard a challenge it is sometimes. :)

Im Rebecca age 26 and from a little town in north west England called Accrington which some of you might know from a well know milk ad about a football team.
When I was born I was born 3 months premature and also couldn't come home for 6 months after I was born. Currently I have been made redundant twice,once from woolworths and this year from a library I worked at, and am currently on trial cleaning an office and hope to be made permament soon until I can find something better. After all theres no jobs about I also went to university for 2 years but had to quit after my second year.
My dream job was to become an librarian and nearly got it sorting books and tidying but after getting made redundant the closest thing is to hope to work in some sort of book store. I love to read and write, watch tv, listen to music general things. I enjoy watching many US comedies, drama comedies, Coronation Street Neighbours, Waterloo road and anything really reality tv. I also enjoy watching many sports my faves include football tennis athletics but can watch any sport really.
I also am quite shy which is why I enjoy the internet to express my feelings as I think nobody knows the real me really.
Anyway hope you enjoyed that and hoped it wasn't too boring

Not read the whole thread, working my way through. Debating whether to participate. :D

Oh bugger, don't go down that road they're highly addictive. The doctor banned my mother from them after 3 months because she was becoming too dependant.

:hug: I'm glad things are turning around for you, you seem like a strong person (my perspective of you on the forum anyway).

Wow, I hope you're managing well. From personal experience depression is not at all good but to have it on top of everything else. I hope you manage to keep everything under control. :)

I'm glad things are turning around for you. :hugesmile:

:laugh: Who needs Big Brother when we have this forum?

True dat marsh :D

Thank you! :bigsmile:

when we ask the question who are we? do we simply answer , by stating the things that have happened to us, or do we state who we want to be and what we want to achieve too? It s a journey isn't it and we have to believe that as we live and learn we have it in us to try and create a better tomorrow.....as a man once said in all these experiences we have in this thing we call life, it is only the failures and the risk of failure that teach us how to become winners and to learn and grow

I'm Benjamin (aka Ben/ukturtle). 29 years old and currently reside in Bristol. For those that know me, know I love my travels, for those that don't, I have just returned from New Zealand after a year living and adventuring there. I have also travelled and lived in Australia and Asia a few years back and lived in Portugal.

I come from quite a well-off family. My father and two brothers (one older and one younger) passed away when I was a kid, leaving me, my mother and two younger sisters. I used to get on with my family but haven't seen any of them in about 5 years now. I have a good friend who I refer to as my sister (as she was there through a lot crap) and her kids call me uncle Ben.

I have been to university, passed A-levels, got 98% in my 11+, and I am pretty intelligent, but not always very good at showing it. I generally like to be a laugh, but can be prone to a little bit of anger now and again, as well as going through phases of being talkative and non-responsive. I have been engaged and it ended (several times) after my partner was violent towards me, however I can be a bit of a commitment coward since and now keep my distance from all men.

I've never really struggled with my sexuality, except that I can't have the "normal" wife and kids set-up, but I have suffered with an eating disorder when I was 17/18 and lost loads of weight.

I have a very curious and inquisitive nature and love to explore and ask questions, and I love playing games and using strategy to progress in them. I also like to host games and find inventive new tasks for them.

I also write poetry and stories, mainly sci-fi, and am aiming to get published soon (one day it will happen).

My biggest fear is dying before 30 like my father and I also have a fear of goats and maggots.

My favourite thing to do is stand outside in the middle of the night when the full moon is out and just watch the clouds roll past it and listen to the breeze. Failing that, when I'm hiking or just walking through a beautiful place with no people is when I'm happiest, free and most creative.

edit : on second thought, i'd rather i just say my name is karl and i am irish yaaa

Karl you are a good man :hug:

Ive just read through the whole thread and really some of you have had very interesting lives up to now but most of all its good to read that everybody's position right now is better than it had been in the past.

Jess your story is particularly quite inspiring, I hope Portugal works out.

This made feel so sad but so happy at the same time Kazanne. For a little abondoned kid you did brilliant :bigsmile:

You're an amazing person Kazanne, and your experiences have made you the warm hearted, loveable lass I've gotten to know well. I'm proud to call you my friend :love:

....Awww, Karl I just don’t know what to say..this thread is really turning into something...how you could ever hate yourself when on this forum you are probably one of the most beautiful souls I have ever had the honour to ‘meet’ and I believe that in real life you are too...well, I know you are....but yeah, I truly believe that things are meant to be and that ceiling was telling you something..(probably that it was dodgy..) and really Karl you are meant to be here but I know how hard that must be for you sometimes because you hold your emotions inside and find it hard to release them...and you were never ever a ‘stupid stoner’ you were just consumed with those emotions and as you were lost as to how to let them flow and release from you, you tried to hide from them but we know that doesn’t make them go away and they're always there trying to break free because we can’t restrain anything so powerful inside us, it doesn’t disappear unless it’s allowed an exit...and your cousin..?..I’m so very sorry but don’t hate yourself, how could you possibly feel anything when you have no more room for emotions, you have a full tank of them already..that would just be too much for you...for anyone...you know Karl, I didn’t feel that much different to you when my dad died..he died suddenly. I never got a chance to say goodbye, just to make sure he never felt scared or alone because I just don’t know what happens when you pass away but all his life he was loved and it didn’t seem right if he felt alone at probably the most scary thing he ever had to face...and I was really stubborn and wouldn’t wait until they do whatever they do to people when they pass away and was going to tear that hospital down unless they let me see him the minute I got there and his face wasn’t calm or peaceful, it was how it was when he died, contorted and full of physical pain in those last few seconds..I think the noise that I let out probably shook the whole country but I never cried and later at the chapel of rest, when he was calm and peaceful, I still looked at him and thought this isn’t my dad at all, this is just an empty container that carried my dad, I don’t believe that the soul and spirit of someone ever dies, only the body... and that’s because everything they are, everything they meant to you, what they made your heart feel stays there with you forever...it’s just impossible for them not to be here anymore because they have touched hearts and souls in a way that will last forever...we carry their spirit with us always...that thing that makes their eyes light up, animates their voice..just everything they are..


..I don’t know Karl, maybe one day you will release those emotions, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll find a box inside you to keep them in but try not to ever be scared of them because they just need you to kind of say hey to them and let them get on their way and do what they need to do, once felt then they will never need to be felt again....Karl I just kind of think you’re pretty amazing, that’s probably all I needed to say....:hug:...

This thread really is something special the respect i hold for each and every person that has had the faith in tibb to be able to open up is enormous.
I cant do it i envy people brave enough to do it i bottle it up.
I have probably let my demons slip only once or twice since i have been a member here and then deleted the posts as quick as i wrote them.

Too many people have commented to quote each individual person - but i will quote.

I never really knew everyones life stories and i guess its just bought us together in a sense on understanding.

You all are brave. Seriously - proud of my fellow members!

Princess, Anne, Jess, Ammi, Nathan, Kazanne, Jake, Kate, Reece, BigSister, Ben and Karl <3

So happy.
Aww thanks :D - It is really nice to see these things!
x

You're all very brave people, and it's so great to see what people you've all become despite the past. Karl, that roof falling was the biggest sign ever, and you was never ready to go then. From you to get from that dark place to where you are now is amazingly braze, you're a strong guy :)

Thank you for the nice welcome Kazanne. So happy to read your story. You were adopted by the right people obviously. Not everyone who gives birth is a responsible mother or father. You are right you were much better off with your loving Mum and Dad . You sound well adjusted and happy. How refreshing on a web site to read of peoples lives ,such openness and courage. I will now think about me doing the same. Am I as brave as the rest of you? LOL

Do it Anne, it's like internet therapy :D

Welcome to the forum :love:

I look forward to reading your story annie666,I have just done a summary of mine ,not gone into much detail,but it's nice to read others life experiences:xyxwave:

right, okay....here goes.

I'm Kate, and I am a complete mess a lot of the time, I could write an entire book (seriously) The two things I retain which keep me going is my sense of humour, and a few people I allow close enough to call genuine friends.

I am 43, but I don't feel/act like that age, this could be considered either a good or bad thing depending on your point of view.

My background....

Grew up in an average family, mum and dad, two kids. I am the elder, my brother is three years younger. My dad has now passed away, and my brother is married, we are complete opposites, not at all close. My mum isn't at all touchy feely or one for demonstrating emotion, and was brought up herself very strictly and to always have the house perfect and is far too bothered about what other people think. She nags constantly. I always felt her disapproval and that I was a disappointment. She won't leave the house with so much as a hair out of place. I don't give a ****. (:D) I rarely do make-up and I live in jeans and t-shirts. You will NEVER get me in a dress.

I left home at nineteen and went to stay in my mate Jane's house. Got a job in a make-up factory packing. (I went to college after school, but just pissed about, I am not overly academically qualified, I am bright but was lazy, just wanted to have a laugh. Went a bit (ok a lot) wild. Weekends would see me at Lowie's club in town, with mates, picking up lads. I slept with a fair few, bit sluttish, but there you go.

At 21 I met my son's dad, and was involved with him on and off till the age of 29. I can't say it was the biggest mistake of my life because I have my lovely son as a result and he really is my pride and joy, but other than that it was a nightmare from start to finish, the best thing I ever did was (finally) walk away, though it took a hell of a long time to get there. If I thought I had low self esteem then, it was nothing compared to the state I was in emotionally when it was all over, some 8 years down the line.

He was the perfect guy for about 6 months, long enough for me to consider myself in love and then almost overnight, like flipping a switch, he changed. Well, he didn't really, he had just been hiding his true self.

He cheated on me regularly, and made no attempt to hide it, he enjoyed seeing me upset. He gradually isolated me from all my friends, and completely controlled every aspect of my life. The putdowns and insults were constant. When we moved in together he started to hurt me, he would twist my arm, flick his lighter in my face, or singe my hair, and laugh, say he was just playing.... He drank heavily, more and more as time went on. One night, he brought a bread knife to bed and put it on the floor, saying it was for if I got on his nerves. That became a regular occurrence.

When I got pregnant he calmed down for a while, he was still very controlling, but he was working away a lot driving coaches. He lost his license for drink driving in 1996, it was coming up to Christmas, and he was sacked. He came home drunk out of his head, smashed a glass on the floor and tried to shove it in my face. I was about 2 months pregnant at the time, was terrified. I managed to put my hands up to protect my face and my index finger was sliced to the bone, he phoned his mum in a panic, she took me to the hospital. I had to have plastic surgery on my hand and it is still scarred noticeably today, they took skin grafts from the inside of my palm to repair it.

I was ashamed, so I told my parents that I had cut it washing up, that a sharp knife had been in the bowl and I didn't see it, that lie is intact to this day, if they ever suspected they never said so.

I finally left him just after my son was born, he was born in July and I left in September 1997, the day Diana died it was. I just took him from the house saying we were going for a walk. We never went back. I went straight to my mums and that was the end.

In the final few months his behaviour had escalated to nightmare proportions, he had rigged up a noose in the bedroom and said he was going to kill himself soon, but he hadn't decided when, I would just come home to find him swinging. He had started using his lighter on my hair again and bringing the knife to bed.

The day I left he had gone out to the pub and I was ironing baby clothes and bedding, the news was on, it was all about Diana's death. I decided to go, this complete calmness just came over me. When he came in I said I was taking the baby for a walk, and as I mentioned previously, we never went back.

He tried taking me to court for access but the judge ruled him unfit. I never saw him again. In 2010 he was jailed for life, he stabbed his partner with a kitchen knife, I hope the evil bastard rots and dies in there.

I have rebuilt my life, but the effects still linger, I am not the person I was before I met him, I trust very few people. I have undergone long term counselling twice, once directly after I left him, and once after he was jailed as it brought everything back to me.

I will never have a relationship again. I know I will be single for the rest of my life, probably be a mad cat woman, I just cannot do it, I am quite happy on my own.

So right back at the the beginning of this epic post, I said I was a mess. But I am not unhappy. I thank God for the blessings and good things I have, and that I got out when I did.

I am far happier talking to people on a forum than I am interacting in real life. I prefer the written word to conversing in person, I write a lot for pleasure, creative writing is my main hobby. I enjoy organising stuff for people to do, and just being daft and light hearted. I crave praise and people saying good stuff about me, because I have never had it in actual life. This is more than a little sad, but whatever gets you through eh...

(I think I'm done)

A lot of respect for you Kate!

Thank God you got out whilst you did!

Kate's 43? :eek:

http://media.tumblr.com/658a588b5e50...qSC1qz4rgp.gif

But, seriously, big respect. You did what was best for you and your child.

..crikey Kate, I think I knew that your sons dad was in prison for murder..?..did he kill her..?...I think you posted that before but I didn’t know it was his partner or about the abuse in your relationship...it doesn’t sound as though you were a confident person anyway but that time in your life must have diminished your self-esteem completely...no one has the right to do that to another person and no one, either male or female, deserves it..I’m lucky in that I met the most caring and kind person in the word and I always say that a few moments with someone like that is better than a lifetime with an idiot..your ex-partner was a bit more than an idiot, I think...I’m so glad that you were brave enough to get away from him and sorry that his other partner didn’t..and you have a son, who I know you adore, so a ‘silver lining’ came out of it, which I know you would never change but you shouldn’t have had to go through any of that...

...Kate, you say that you have a passion for writing and people often write best from their own life experiences..have you ever thought of writing down any of this...I think there are far too many people who are still where you were then and maybe it could help them to escape their circumstances....

44 in a couple of weeks!

http://i1324.photobucket.com/albums/...ps637ab470.png

That is a really compelling outline of your life so far *Kate*. The respect I already had for you is even more increased now.

Well done on your re-building of your life and I really hope all you really hope for comes to you in life.

Take care. thank you for sharing all that with us too.

Kazanne, loved your write up, you are to me one of the most inspirational members on tibb anyway.

Kate you are so brave,you must have been terrified,so glad you have your beautiful boy out of that carnage,life deals us a bad hand sometimes ,but sometimes we can turn it round and come out on top,Life is a gift,try and treasure it and forget the bad things that blight it,Glad you are happy on your own as some people cant seem to function without a partner,you are brave and thankyou for sharing that,I understand you more now.

Thankyou Joey,I am a great believer in life is what you make it,yes I've had sad times some very traumatic,but I've dealt with them best I can and I thank God for everything I have.Thankyou for that compliment Joey it means a lot to me.:hugesmile:

Ben,I love doing that too.I have been told I am a deep thinker and I do like to ponder on things,dont get me wrong I like people but I treasure those moments you've described there.:hugesmile:

Reading some of the write ups on here,my life is still rather non eventful really with still loads to come though,never mind I find these things therapeutic so here goes.

I am 21 years old, Male,I came a little early while my Parents were visiting a relative in the South of England otherwise I would have been born in Ireland.
I am of full Irish ancestry on my Mother's side and full Scottish ancestry on my Father's.
My Father is a barrister and I have 3 older,much older, Brothers of whom all of them are in fact old enough to be my Dad too.
In fact 2 of my Brothers Children are in fact older than I am.It is odd when they call me Uncle.

I am fortunate to still be here at all, I have had pneumonia twice in my life and it nearly ended my life when I was 4 years old.
However that is the real only health problems I have had.
As a child I had a massive fear of Santa Claus, I wanted nothing to do with him,I couldn't sleep on Christmas eve but all for the wrong reasons,dreading him coming,even saying I wanted no presents and for him to take mine to someone else.

I have a wonderful supportive family who are always there for me but not in an intrusive way. What I decide to do as to my life has their support even if it goes against their own train of thought.
For instance, I come from a strong Conservative background, however I no way hold to any power or person who prey on the weakest while bulding up the richest and strongest.
This means I have crossed completely the political divide now following this Govts hard hearted policies against the weakest and most vulnerable.

Politics is something I am fascinated with and Law too, it is why I spent all my teenage energy making sure I got the grades to go to University and study Politics and Law, courses I have now just completed.
Now I have at least the next 6 months or so to go travelling a bit and catch up with people I have not seen for a fair few years now due to my intense studying.

The greatest influence in my life would be my Grandmother on my Mother's side, she was Irish and very outspoken but she instilled in me so many things that I try to live by.
When she died just before I got to University,I was really sad because I wanted so much for her to see me do it and be there when I finsished. That's life though.

I think I will likely stick with Law, I feel in poitics you are a small cog in a massive wheel that has one purpose to keep the party machine rolling, I don't see how that really helps people who are unable to fight or speak for themselves.
In Law,I will get the opportunity to help those who need it ease their worries and burdens, hopefully too by being as sucessful for them as I can.

I love music, all types of music except for rap, from classical right through all the commercial pop to the punk era and to the present.
My journey through music and I do like singing a bit too, has brought me to be a strong,almost obsessed,fan of PETULA CLARK.
Downtown, is my all time favourite song and I have set myself the aim to acquire as near as I can get to all her recorded work.
I am driving people mad with that.

I have a major problem though, I never know when to stop talking, I go on and on as you will have noticed in this write up. The description of me from some of my tutors was,that I was someone who if he was going to London from Manchester,he would go via Aberdeen.
I have tried to acquire the skill of saying a lot in a few words but have all but given up now.

I am in many ways a loner,
I have a wonderful family and extended family,I have many friends but few that I call really close friends,I need to be on my own a lot, preferably spending time with my dog but I always also make sure I am there for people who may want to talk to me or who may need me.
I can be sneaky, I have tested people I wondered if I could trust with some totally random nonsense about myself and thankfully only a few have proven unable to be trusted.
I hate genuine muck stirrers and 2 faced people, I have no problem with people talking about others but hate it when they quote the person they are talking about but add their words and what they wished they'd said rather than what they actually said.
Anyone in my life that was like that would be cast out of it very quickly.

I have at this point, no girlfriend, no intention of looking or any intention of getting married in the medium future.
I want to get my career sorted and secured and who knows what may happen then.
My family and friends and also some people on here,(tibb),are the people I like around me at this point in my life.

I come from a privileged background but the people I get on with best are those who didn't. They make up the bulk of my real closest friends.
I am a staunch and rigid supporter of the Police and I believe in the equality of all,where all benefit from all good things and not just some.

That's really me up to now, I have loads of Nephews and Nieces and few difficulties in life.
My only real fear is of daddy long legs, I lterally still freeze if I am in room with one,I am fascinated by the insect world but find it a cold and sinister world too.

A lot more to come for me in life,good and bad so I hope I keep to the words my Grandmother said, ''if you cannot say something good about someone then don't say anything, look to do good turns to people not bad ones''.

I like you.

well done kate
43 wowers

and joey wowers

I knew it Joey,a man of integrity,honest and fair,your grandma was very wise as they often are,she would be so proud of you,your family sound lovely I am proud to call you a friend:hugesmile:

:love: to everyone who has opened up in this thread!

wow... this is a lot to take in, wish I'd read it from the start so I had a clue where to begin talking to everyone :laugh: you're all rather brave. :love: I'll post in here later.

I'm glad everything's good now :love:
And speaking of writing I remember you saying you almost became a writer for Hollyoaks last year, you must be really good :)