ThisisBigBrother.com - UK TV Forums - TiBB Gossip Girl (Episode #3- 'Bad News Hugo' posted!)

TiBB Gossip Girl – Episode 1: ‘Pilot’

Opening Sequence:

Gossip Girl: Hey Upper East TiBBers, Gossip Girl here... and I have the biggest news ever. One of my many sources, jimmytubbs, sends us this: Spotted at This Is Big Brother Lobby, bags in hand: Lauren van der Woodsen. Was it only a year ago our It-Girl mysteriously disappeared for quote 'boarding school'? And just as suddenly she's back. Don't believe me? See for yourselves: Lucky for us, jimmytubbs sent proof. Thanks for the photo, Jimmy!

Scene One:
Random TiBB members have just received an instant text message from Gossip Girl.
Locke: OH MY GOD! You’ll never believe what’s on Gossip Girl! Someone saw Lauren getting off a train at TiBB Central!
.Andy.: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! Are you for real?
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Ruth*Star: Oh my god…
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Dezzy: *pauses ‘Womanizer’ on iPod* WHAT??
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TiBB Towers.
Mark: Alert the staff, it’s happened…
James: Surely not?
Mark: *panics* It’s on Gossip Girl!
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LemonJam: EPIC!
Zak: What is? *looks at LemonJam’s sidekick*
LemonJam: Lauren van der Woodsen is what is!

Scene Two:
Humphrey household in the low-district Big Brother section. Ninastar is in her bedroom browsing the Gossip Girl website. There are kittens on her wall.
Ninastar: SAM! Get in here!!
Sam, slightly thrown back comes running into the room.
Sam: WHAT? What is it?
Ninastar: YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHAT WAS POSTED ON GOSSIP GIRL!
Sam: What?
Ninastar: Only that Lauren van der Woodsen back on TiBB…
Sam: Didn’t she leave?
Ninastar: Yeah. Oh, poor girl. It says she was driven out last year...
Sam: Look, I’m completely over that girl.

Scene Three:
Hugo’s penthouse in the upper-east side of TiBB. Hugo, just awake, is browsing the inbox on his cell.
Hugo: *whispers* Lauren’s back?
Shaun, a Polish export who maids for the Waldorf’s strolls into the room with a tray holding breakfast.
Shaun: Eat up Mr Hugo.
Hugo: Now isn’t the time for food, Shaun.
Shaun: But Mr Hugo...breakfast important meal of the day.
Hugo: Do you know how hard it is to concentrate when your enemy has just waltzed her over-sized ass back onto TiBB?
Shaun: You need to calm brain and eat breakfast. You want toast?
Hugo: No, I want Lauren van der Woodsen’s head on a platter.
Shaun: Miss van der Woodsen’s return, Mr Hugo?
Hugo: How did you know?
Shaun: I subscribed to Gossip Girl text alert.
Hugo: She’ll come back and take everything I’ve worked for! She is not to enter this apartment, do you hear me?
Shaun: Yes Mr Hugo. Don’t tell Miss Sia, but times like this I pack a 40 caliber in my night stand and Nighthawk Custom Heinie PDP in closet.
Gossip Girl: Uh oh, Hugo left stranded in the field of Lauren. Looks like Hugo’s reign over TiBB is over. ttyl Hugo. A nation can’t have two queens.

Scene Four:
Ross Bass’ penthouse, also on the upper-east side. Remy, who stayed the night, is awoken by a text message.
Remy: Ross, dude, wake up!
Ross, who sits up in bed, pulls away two hookers.
Ross: Yes, Archibald? Now tell me, is this really important enough to distract me from…*points to each hooker*
Remy: Lauren’s back.
Ross: *smiles* Good. It was getting…dull, around here. Excuse me, ladies. And Gossip Girl says?
Remy: Says she got off a train at TiBB Central this morning. “Bags in hand…”
Ross: You must be thrilled if your last acquaintance was anything to go by.
Remy: We’re not together…
Ross: Says the guy who took her ‘V’ at the back of count LuvaLuva’s wedding last September.
Remy: I’m gonna go.
Ross: Oh come on, Archibald. I understand. She’s incredibly hot, and that type of perfection deserves to be violated.
Gossip Girl: What’s Remy got to hide? Here’s hoping it’s out soon. Gossip Girl knows a good scandal when she sees one.

Scene Five:
Lauren arrives at her mother’s penthouse, tired and distracted. She’s awaiting her mother, Linda van der Woodsen to answer the door.
Linda: Lauren, dear…when did you get back?
Lauren: Just now actually. Mum, look…I didn’t want to cause a scene but it appears not one person on TiBB isn’t aware that I’ve returned. Please, I need you to try and not make a huge deal.
Linda: Oh honey, why would I do that?
Lauren: Because I seem to remember your homepage being my name under the key-search on Gossip Girl last year.
Linda: Well at least someone was keeping me in tune. Believe me; if I ever have to read how you came onto Duke Grahame Stickings at his Inaugural again, it’ll drive me to where ever you ended up.
Lauren: I’m gonna take a shower. I’ve got school soon.
Linda: Yes, please do. Catch up over dinner tonight?
Lauren: What ever.
Gossip Girl: Spotted, a van der Woodsen showdown. Two flags waving, one woman left standing. Looks Linda has this one sealed and ready for delivery. Tips@TiBBGossipGirl.com, Momma L.

Scene Six:
The Humphrey household. Red is getting ready for work. Nina has entered.
Red: What was Sam’s rush to school this morning for?
Ninastar: *blushes* Oh my god, you’re completely clueless. Didn’t you read Gossip Girl?
Red: What? You know Nina, in my day we didn’t have Gossip Girl. We had…privacy.
Ninastar: Uh never mind, dad. You wouldn’t understand.
Red: *shouts* Wait; is that the blog with all the capitals? You know how I feel about...
The door slams behind Ninastar.

Scene Seven:
Hugo, Gary Christina and Sophie are sitting on the steps outside of Chat and Games eating yoghurt.
Gary: Can you believe that slut had the nerve to even step back onto TiBB?
Christina: I know, right?
Gary: Please, she fell harder than Britney at the VMAs.
Sophie: Gossip Girl’s reporting she’s coming to school today. You don’t think she…
A scrawny young wannabe named Madonna climbs up the steps to C&G.
Hugo: Excuse me, who are you?
Madonna: MADONNA! BUT LOOK! I have exclusives!
Gary: Sorry, we don’t speak socially retarded.
Hugo: Let him finish. Go on…
Madonna: FIREWIRE TOLD ME…
Hugo: and that is?
Madonna: MY FRIEND! *group sniggers* He told me Lauren is planning on turning up to your 17th tomorrow night!
Hugo: *interested* really?
Lauren is seen walking up the steps to C&G. She stares at Hugo.
Lauren: H.
Hugo: L.
Gary, Sophie and Christina sit in shock.
Hugo: *raises an eye to Madonna* you can go now.
Lauren: I see you’re still recruiting minions.
Hugo: I see you still look like a *****.
Gossip Girl: We have one word. Epic. Keep note historians, the showdown of H and L is truly one for the history books.
Lauren: What happened to us, H?
Hugo: As much as this confrontation is so entertaining, I have a future to prepare for. Come on girls.
Lauren: You’re 17th…
Hugo: Yeah, you’re kind of not invited. Madonna took up the last invite. *walks off*
Gossip Girl: Ouch, a sudden realization of how far she’s fallen. Looks like Madonna Yuki’s been upgraded. Congrats, M.

Scene Eight:
Later in the day, Lauren is at The TiBB bar, drinking. Ross Bass enters.
Ross: My favorite IT-girl, fresh out of…where was it again? ‘Boarding school’…
Lauren: What do you want, Ross?
Ross: Maybe a key to your room. We could go up, take our clothes off, stare at each other…
Lauren: You’re sick. I don’t know how clear I was the last time we saw each other, but I want nothing to do with you Ross.
Ross: To the contrary. Remy still believes there’s a chance. Does he know...about…us?
Lauren: NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW! That was a mistake.
Ross: The tape doesn’t seem to think so. I just love it when a tragic mess screams my name over and over.
Lauren appears shocked.
Ross: Don’t worry, L. We won’t have to leak it just now. Where’s the fun in that? Oh and by the way,
welcome back.
Gossip Girl: Spotted: Lauren van der Woodsen looking like she’s seen a ghost. A ghost of TiBB’s past.

Scene Nine:
Sam is walking down General Way when Lauren comes storming out of a bar. They bump into each other.
Sam: I’m so sorr…
Lauren: Watch where you’re going!
Sam appears shocked that he’s touched Lauren van der Woodsen.
Sam: Hey! You forgot your cell!
Gossip Girl: There’s nothing Gossip Girl likes better than a good Cinderella Story. Lauren van der Woodsen spotted with unknown male. Any money he’s as messed up as she is?

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‘Patience’ by Nick Lachey plays. Sam is in his room staring at Lauren’s cell phone. Hugo is at home looking through old photos of him and Lauren ahead of his 17th. Ross is viewing a tape at his penthouse. Remy is texting someone on his cell phone. ‘I need 2 no. Is it still on?’ Sent. Lauren, at dinner with mother Linda and brother Callum receives a text and deletes it soon after reading.
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Gossip Girl: It looks like Lauren’s return has once again messed the natural order of things on the Upper-East side. Anyone prepared to cast a waver for how long she’ll stick around? You know who’ll be watching, Lauren.

You know you love me
xoxo
Gossip Girl

TiBB Gossip Girl – Episode 2: ‘Seventeen’

Gossip Girl: According to legend, TiBB was built for three sole purposes. Big Brother, rule-breaking and Hugo’s annual Birthday Party. The crème de la crop of TiBB gather to celebrate Hugo’s growing of one year older, but not so much wiser. We wonder if Lauren will show her face, and if so, what will Hugo say? We can’t wait.

Scene One:
Hugo, Gary, Sophie and Christina are at Sia’s, TiBB’s hottest fashion boutique finalizing outfits for his party tonight.
Hugo: So mother’s workers are just adjusting the outfit and soon it’ll be perfect for my party. Gary, did you get Darenn to approve his invite?
Gary: Are you kidding? He was honored. A Waldorf party; way to get noticed!
Sophie: That’s so true. Like earlier, some girl named ‘Brona’ asked me for an invite. I just had to laugh.
Hugo: *giggles* some people just shouldn’t be allowed to walk the streets of TiBB.
Madonna and Firewire are seen standing outside the shop, forcing each other to go inside. They enter.
Christina: Oh my god, are we being robbed?
Hugo: Oh, it’s you. Maddie/Marsden, is it?
Madonna: Madonna.
Hugo: Ah.
Firewire: Hey.
Hugo: No talking, please. Is there a reason you’ve quite shockingly stepped in here?
Madonna: I was JUST wondering if my friend could have an invite to your party!
Hugo smiles.
Hugo: Sure. I’ll have Shaun U2U you both details.
Madonna and Firewire jump in excitement and leave the shop.
Gary: What the hell?
Hugo: Don’t worry, they’ll be partying tonight. Just not at mine.
The entire group giggles.

Scene Two:
Ninastar is in her bedroom. Her best friend, Rizwan has just entered.
Rizwan: Hey, sexy fanny face.
Ninastar: Hey, Riz.
Rizwan: So, oh my god, you’ll never believe who looked at me today!
Ninastar: Who?
Rizwan: Sam! He’s so dreamy. Don’t you think?
Ninastar: Ew, that’s totally disgusting. He’s my brother. And, he’s straight.
Rizwan: Niny, no one is straight in Rizwan Kashmiri world. Flamboyancy rules.
Ninastar: How on earth are you not beaten up?
Kizzy, Ninastar’s mother has entered the room.
Kizzy: Nina Clarice Humphrey, what did I say about letting Rizwan in the house?[/i]
Ninastar: Sorry, mum. We were just leaving.
Kizzy: Please before I end up popping those pills your father thought he cleverly hid.
Ninastar and Rizwan leave. Kizzy walks to the bathroom and opens the cupboard and removes a small tube of pills. She immediately swallows three.

Scene Three:
Lauren has just dressed and enters her kitchen. Her mother, Linda and brother, Callum are eating breakfast.
Linda: Dinner was spectacular, incase you’re wondering.
Lauren: Mum, I’m so sorry I met Ross and got distracted.
Linda: Ross Bass? Oh, you didn’t…did you?
Lauren: No. Why would you think that?
Linda: I seem to remember plenty of guys coming and going last year.
Lauren: That was last year. I’ve changed now.
Callum: Yeah, I believe her.
Lauren: Thanks, Cal. I promise, I’ll take you out today. You want to go anywhere?
Callum: Oh, I erm. I’ve kind of been invited to Hugo’s party.
Lauren: Go! Go and have a fun time. You don’t have to feel guilty.
Callum: Thanks, L.
Lauren smiles and leaves the room. She returns to her bedroom and looks for her cell phone.
Lauren: Ah, great.
Gossip Girl: Looks like Hugo really knows where to fire his bullets. Take note, L.

Scene Four:
Sam is outside Lauren’s apartment. He is hesitant about knocking, until someone opens the door.
Lauren: Hey! Do you want something?
Sam: Yeah, I’m Sam, erm. Last night we touch…bumped into each other and you forgot your cell. I figured you may want it.
Lauren: Oh my god, thank you.
Sam: It’s no problem.
Lauren: At least there’s one decent guy on TiBB.
Sam: I’m sure there’s a few of us around.
Lauren: Well, I’ve got to get somewhere but thank you so much. I, I can’t say it enough.
Sam: Well, I put my number in if you ever want to...
Lauren smiles.
Lauren: How do you know a girl like me isn’t taken?
Sam: Gossip Girl…
Lauren: Oh.
Awkward silence.
Lauren: Well, it was nice talking to you, Sam.
Lauren walks off smiling.
Sam: You too.
Gossip Girl: Spotted: Lauren van der Woodsen having seconds with unknown male. Anyone know said boy? We guess he isn’t with trust fund.

Scene Five:
Hugo’s penthouse. Ross has just entered and is greeted by Shaun.
Shaun: Mr Ross, Mr Hugo just preparing for party. I can leave message.
Hugo: Not necessary, Shaun. Leave please.
Shaun paces out of the room.
Ross: Looking good, H.
Hugo: Wishing I could say the same for you.
Ross: Feisty.
Hugo: Is there a reason you’re wasting my time? I do have a party to prepare for. One, which, by the end of the night will have me on the cover of every major magazine on TiBB.
Ross: Ah yes, the annual Waldorf party. Some, spectacular things have taken place there.
Hugo fires a bitchy look.
Hugo: What is it you want?
Ross: I know your current situation with Lauren. Come backing to TiBB, plotting to steal your status…
Hugo: She said that?
Ross: She says a lot of things, but does them so much better. *smiles*
Hugo: Get out.
Ross: I have something she wants kept hidden. Something that would destroy her faster than Leon Jackson’s singing career.
Hugo: Really? TiBB Hall. 8’O Clock?
Ross: I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I’ll make sure she gets there.
Gossip Girl: Hugo and Ross playing a deadly game of Russian roulette. Who needs a gun when you’re playing with Lauren van der Woodsen’s name?

Scene Six:
TiBB Hall. Hugo’s birthday party is in full swing. Hundreds of upper-east TiBBers are in attendance.
Lady Gaga’s ‘Beautiful Dirty Rich’ is playing.
Billy: Great Party, Hugo!
Zak: Yeah, it’s so awesome.
Hugo grins.
Hugo: Naturally.
Hugo walks away to rejoin Gary, Sophie and Christina.
Gary: So I totally got Mark on a date to guide me through TiBB towers. First member, ever!
Christina: Annie totally took that trip last fall.
Gary: Annie is about as relevant as anything that andyman posts. i.e no one cares.
Hugo: Has Lauren shown up yet?
Gary: Ew, why? She wasn’t even invited.
Hugo: She is now.
A drunken Shaun walks up to Hugo.
Shaun: Mr Hugo, I meet nice man PJ! He shows me pictures of BB8 caravan! PJ nice man.
Hugo: Shaun! We aren’t in Poland. It’s a social gathering, not a blind date. Now go and serve someone.
Shaun: Yes, sorry Mr Hugo.
Hugo receives a text from Ross. There now. Got everything ready?

Scene Seven:
Lauren’s apartment. Lauren is about to help Callum leave when there’s a knock on the door.
Ross: Just the girl I was after.
Lauren: What is it, Ross?
Ross: I’m here to take you to Hugo’s party. He wants to see you.
Lauren: I’m not going to that.
Callum: Hugo wants you? That means you’re coming?
Ross and Callum both look at Lauren.
Lauren: Let me get my coat.
Gossip Girl: Spotted: Lauren making a courageous journey to Hugo’s party with Ross Bass in lead. Everyone knows you shouldn’t follow Ross, L.

Scene Eight:
Madonna and Firewire are at ‘Locke’s’, a bar in the Lower-TiBB side.
Madonna: I’M SO EXCITED! I even brought my Madonna CD collection!
Firewire: Well I brought Miley!
08mash: What are you kids doing here? This is a bar!
Madonna: We’re here for Hugo’s party!
08marsh: That Waldorf kid? That’s up on the Upper-TiBB side.
Madonna and Firewire both look at each other, shocked.

Scene Nine:
Hugo’s party. Lauren, Callum and Ross have just entered.
As Lauren enters, the press goes wild and begins taking photos.
Lauren: No, please not now.
Hugo stands shocked as everyone moves to see Lauren. Gary, Sophie and Christina join him.
Gary: She didn’t even make a sound. She’s that good.
Hugo: *angrily* Not for much longer.
Ross joins Hugo as his friends leave.
Ross: It was surprisingly easy. Good call on inviting the brother.
Hugo: I can’t believe it. She’s ruined everything.
Ross: Not for long. Is the projector on?
Hugo: Why?
Ross: We’re gonna watch a little film.
Ross walks onto the stage.
Ross: Good evening everyone. Waldorf parties work by making each better than the previous and in a few minutes time, we’ll be making history ladies and gentlemen. Get comfortable, this film’s a shocker. Jeffery, the lights please.
The lights dim and a film begins to play. A hotel suite. Lauren has just entered with Ross behind her.
As the film continues, the pair begins to kiss and move to the bed. The audience gasps.
A woman walks through the crowd, towards the stage.
Sia: Hugo? *surprised* What is this?
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Hugo: MOTHER? *shocked*
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Lauren: Ross! *angrily*
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Callum: Lauren? *confused*
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Ross: *sniggers* Sweet.

Gossip Girl: Some might call this a scene from a dramatic novel, but on TiBB we call it Sunday afternoon. But what must L be feeling? Uh, who cares? This scandal is gonna be huge. And you know who’ll be watching.
xoxo

Gossip Girl.

TO BE CONTINUED.