That's where wires are crossing.

A slap on the hand is not "violent" IMO.

slaping a child's hand away from an open fire, i agree is not violent. but i don't think that's what we are talking about.

Like i sad before, violence is intimidation.

Let me rephrase. You stated "People who use force instead of words, that is violence.", but by your own definition, words can be deemed as violence. Just struck me as a contradiction in terms.

Where did I say you have to use violence? I think we have different terms of the meaning anyhow.

tbh as a kid when my mum told me she was disappointed and that she didnt want to talk to me it hurt a lot more than a quick smack across the arse but you have to change methods so they dont lose effect. A smack has quick impact but several warnings and meanings of punishment (removing toys, silence) should be used first because discipline is all to do with teaching and learning morals and putting yourself in other's shoes etc. etc. and making you a decent human being in adult life.

It kind of goes like this alex, recontruction of a recalled conversation.
Please dont do that (explanation)
mum said dont...
come on now, stop that please
(attempt distraction...fails)
away now please
away
now
right im getting cross
do as you are told please
right I'm going to count...
1
2
3
TAP!
If that seems extreme to you fine.

sorry you misunderstood, i meant people that use violence instead of words as in, instead of logicaly explaining to their children why something is wrong or right, they just try to scare children in behaving.


imo, being a parent is being a teacher. a teacher doesn't beat children if they get a math problem wrong, they explain why the answer was wrong, and show them how to solve the problem correctly. You don't need to beat a child to help them learn math do you? no. and you don't need to beat a child to help them understand any other lessons.

proper communication is a very rare skill i think.

I think we all have our differing opinions on the subject, but common ground will never be achieved, and it's one that will be debated until the ends of time, probably. Nobody has the answers, otherwise everyone would be perfect parents. As I said earlier, I do not believe that what necessarily works for one child, does so for another. We are all different. And I certainly would not be too judgmental of a parent giving a light tap to the hand of a disobedient child. I think we have differing meanings of the term of violence. If somebody had a solution to such questions, which worked for one and all, we would not even be having this conversation.

No Teachers just hand out Sweets to the bullies and punish the good children with loads of homework.

IMO opinion "bad kids" are the result of "bad parents" and more bad parenting skills won't fix "bad kids". you can't slap a child into being good. imho.

some kids might have behavior problems because they have an actual psychological disorder, but that's even MORE reason NOT to hit them, because they can't help it.

It's no different than slapping a kid in a wheel chair and telling him that he can walk if he puts his mind to it!! or beating a gay kid and telling him he can be str8 if he just believes in Jesus.

My parents have done that before.

How very generalised!

well i don't have the time to research every single child in the world, forgive me for generalizing.

So you've basically just destroyed your own argument :joker:

There are loads of 'bad kids' with 'good parents' and there are loads of 'good kids' with 'bad parents' you have such a blinkered view.

And are you suggesting that any parent that smacked their children is a 'bad' parent to you? Because if thats the case the stance in your statement if even weaker................

Well Lostalex is saying that most parents are bad lol.

well looking at the world as it is, i think it's a fair assessment. do you disagree?

Dont get confused with the effect of society and parenting skills.

There are some bad parents out there but I wouldn't say most, sometimes you can judge a book by it's cover sometimes and assume someones a bad parent when there not.

What I mean by that is the look of them looks like they are bad parents but there not really.

..I agree..to be told you've 'disappointed'..or 'this made me sad/upset.....'
or 'it scared me when you did that because......' imo is what always worked with my children..of course that was when they were old enough to understand...I think even as adults we don't like to hear those things...
..the main thing though is always to explain properly why they have made you feel like that

Smacking within reason (I mean smacking, not thrashing a child) should be allowed.

Doogle summed it up for me - I'll add to that and say that often, many such kid end up not to respect their parents - or indeed - anyone else.

The most sensible answer in all of the thread - one size doesn't fit all - you are so correct.

so only SOME kids should be beaten? yea, that's so sensible...

not all kids should be smacked around, just CERTAIN ones...

i'm gonna be sick.

These posts are being made in the year 2012... seriously.

Spiffing

As long as you clean up after yourself - I really don't care what you think.

what's the point of this forum then if you don't care what others think?
i thought the whole point of a forum was exchange of ideas. so you only care about spreading your own ideas, but you cannot hear anything else?

I believe you. but i think you would benefit more by trying to understand what i have said.

To give an opinion. I don't have to CARE what your opinion is.

Now... try to keep on subject - and Mrluva did not refer to any child being beaten as you so dramatically put it.

sorry, replace beating with hitting, use whatever word you choose for hitting or beating, semantics are not important to me. i think you understood what i said, use whatever terminology you like.

It is with members that are Not Rude to you.

Bang On Right.

Take your beef with me off the board lostalex. This is not the time or place - the topic is about smacking children as a form of discipline.

Thank you.

No if a 4 year old is in the Road
Yes a Smack is correct
it tells that child that its Danger.


That is Common Sense Dezzy

I agree....if the child doesn't respond to being told no and does it again or continues to repeat same bad / dangerous behaviour - words clearly aren't working so I see nothing wrong with a smack on the hand or such.

This.

and do you think it's acceptable to hit or abuse anyone else if they don't agree with you? would you hit disabled people, or hit elderly people if they don't agree with you? Why do you think that it's okay to hit children but no one else? I don't understand your logic.

you are making the same arguments that slave owners would make for hitting or whipping slaves.

You are beating sense into them? IS that the logic?

Show me where I said beating formed part of my opinion.........

sorry, whatever word you choose to use as your description for abuse and violence.

semantics again.

tell me which word you prefer to represent violence.

I'll make things a bit more simple for people around here.

Would you allow Louis Theroux into your house, and would you allow him to tape you hitting your child on video for the nation to see.

If the answer is no, then you know what yu are doing is wrong.

If you really believe hitting your child is right, then i dare you to film it and post it for everyone to see.

If you honestly believe it's okay to do, then you should have no problem filming it and showing the world. go on then.

All of you that think it's okay to hit your child, film it and show it to us all, if you really believe it's okay, then you should have no problem filming it and showing it to us all.

Prove it.

..there are many many things which happen in the pricvacy of your own home that you're not necessarily ashamed of but they are private and you would never consider them being filmed or displayed for others to see..the reasons for not allowing private things to become public isn't necessarily out of shame or the thought that what you are doing is wrong..

..to say someone is 'proud' of something..or 'ashamed' of something are two extremes and I don't think anyone is really saying they are proud that they have ever smacked their children occassionally or that they are proud to think that a smack would be considered occassionally..they are saying that it does happen and in their opinion has no lasting harming effect to the child because it's done for instance to show danger/safe situations to the child and it is only a tap..no loss of any restraint involved...

...I appreciate that some think that isn't something they would approve of or condone..but I think the word 'shame' is a little extreme for the views in this thread....

.and I'm not saying that some people aren't extreme in their views on discipline but I don't think that's the case here

a good parent is not afraid to admit to giving their child a smack!
this is done when a child is old enough to no wright from wrong and they have been warned several times
a child that as never been smacked can grow up to be a murderer and vice vercer
as a good parent you try to bring your child up to be a good human being

to those that have not got children until you become a parent your not in a position to really know how you would bring up a child.

Exactly Alex.